Dating Differently Podcast
Dating Differently Podcast
Episode 04 | Defining Beauty Differently - Part 2: The Interpersonal Traits
Ever puzzled over why men are attracted to status or what temperament means in a relationship? We uncover these mysteries and much more, taking you on a journey through the male perspective. We also address the contentious statistic about men finding 22-year-old women most attractive, providing a balanced interpretation that will surely put some minds at ease. Our mission? To empower women with a more profound understanding of men's viewpoints and their roles in relationships.
Finally, we transition into crucial topics such as education, status, and self-improvement. Peeling back the layers, we reveal how men and women prioritize differently, and what significance education and intelligence hold in signaling attractiveness and compatibility. We emphasize the importance of continuous learning, self-reflection, and coaching in the journey of self-improvement. As we wrap up, we discuss the art of understanding what men want in a relationship and the power of accepting and appreciating each other's "shopping lists". So, join us and let's grow together in this journey of understanding the intricacies of relationships.
So we've talked about the first bucket. That has three traits femininity, looks and appearance. This next bucket of three traits would be temperament, intelligence and cooperation. So let's break this down temperament, intelligence and cooperation.
Speaker 3:Do you know? And your tape? He calls himself the most googled guy out there, but I've never googled him, so, bummer, he's about that one. He speaks a lot about relationships and men and women. He made a statement that says a woman is a man's property and he just left it there.
Speaker 1:You don't want to leave, not first.
Speaker 3:He left it there. That was just a clip that most people were focused on, so there was an uproar that how dare you say that a woman is property? But what he was trying to explain was that if you Choose to be with this man and you give him permission to lead you, then he has some authority over what happens, right? Meaning, if you say, okay, I want you to be my protector, then allow him to be the protector and allow him to make those decisions as a protector. So he has that authority. But the way it's interpreted is he gets to boss you around and he owns you like Chattel. But I think it's just the difference in how men and women Communicate. He uses words like authority and property, whereas a woman would prefer something a little bit more Gentle. Right, I'm looking out for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I care for you yeah the reason why I brought it up was because when we talk about Submission, cooperation, temperament, all those things because we're using different words it feels like an attack. When a man says I want a submissive woman, it feels excuse me, how dare you? Right, but if he took some time to just explain what he means by submissive, then it's not as jarring to a woman and it's the same thing with him. Like he said authority and it's like how dare you? But when he explains it a little bit more, yeah, I think that is like decision rights.
Speaker 1:We're gonna write yeah decision rights and, like in a workplace, you don't have people like overlapping each other. Yes, you have clear lanes of operation. That doesn't mean you don't consult other people in those decision-making, but you have full Cape Blanchette, as I like to say yeah over the answer. Like you own the outcome, like yes it stops with you. Does Valden have full decision rights over over meals?
Speaker 2:The answer is no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's definitely no what the time, like how you divide up your, your tasks at home. Yeah, and so, like, you own those lanes and you take pride in those lanes because you control when they're done, how they're done, and the end goal is yours. Yes, that to me is a decision-right lane like a decision-right element.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so when you talk about, like, the biggest thing in relationships is Finances, a lot of conversation around finances, who does the bills, that is, who has decision rights over the bills being paid right, that doesn't mean that you don't have conversations about them. That doesn't mean that you don't sit down and evaluate and do you want to keep going with these monthly fees for this particular service? That doesn't mean that he or she depending on who it is in the relationship owns the bills. We're gonna just cancel Netflix because they decided that they didn't want to have it anymore.
Speaker 1:No one's gonna just randomly cancel stuff. And so when you use language that feels and language is very time-based and so using things like Property or submissive, like you know that people are gonna get upset and miss your entire meaning. Yeah, but when you define it, I own this outcome. That doesn't mean that I don't consult, but at the end of the day, the responsibilities on me to make that decision. So here's where.
Speaker 3:I see the whole proposition thing become important out here. Men say they're looking for a woman To join in on their purpose. Right, so they are. They're already full speed ahead to where they're showing and they would just love to have someone come on to support that. Now we have women who are also saying the same thing. I have my purpose, full speed ahead and I want a man to come in and join that. They put heads when they're both trying to go full speed ahead doing Mm-hmm, whatever they want to do. That's gonna be a difficult relationship, because who then gets to make the decisions right?
Speaker 1:Definitely say you guys come up with goals together.
Speaker 3:It's a little difficult to say that, because the goals of the unit are mostly his our relationship is pretty Traditional.
Speaker 2:I would say yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:so I went into things knowing that I'm not gonna be Trying to compete with where he's trying to go.
Speaker 1:You're not gonna decide after Valin being very clear about what he wants and Through your dating and courtship, and then you get married and then you go. I think I'm gonna be a nurse and so.
Speaker 2:That's a good. That's a good example. Let me first clarify that intentionally wanted to marry a woman that I could take care of and she could take care of me. Correct Now, my taking care of her is through making sure she's got a place to live, make sure she's got food on the plate, make sure she can buy all the necessities of life and she can be happy with. That's me taking care of her Full person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Her taking care of me is traditional in the sense that she's gonna make sure I got some food on my plate. She's gonna make sure my clothes are clean. She's gonna make sure my office is clean.
Speaker 1:Buying those shirts you like. Yeah, that's the dynamic.
Speaker 2:We went into the relationship with Now she got to a point where she wanted to do something right and she decided she wanted to do real estate. And she didn't just decide she was gonna do real estate, leave the house. She came to me and and and we had a conversation actually. I think I asked you to do real estate.
Speaker 1:Oh, interesting.
Speaker 2:Okay, maybe we'll pick one of the other jobs you tried, because she was a cake decorator for some years. I don't know if you knew that.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, that's right. Wait, I remember you told me about that, because you had all these like cake decorating things, yeah, but the point of that conversation?
Speaker 2:the point of this conversation, is just to simply say that we work as a team. Right, we do work as a team. I am the captain of that team.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:But I lean on her heavily.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's a solid first mate.
Speaker 2:Yeah to help make decisions and that sort of thing. But at the end of the day, if it needs to come down to a vote, my vote is bigger.
Speaker 3:I know, going into the relationship, I'm talented in a lot of areas. I could run a household by myself. But I have to make a decision before entering. Okay, who's going to have the last say? Because we can't both have the last say. So, even though I may be good at casting a vision, I will say okay, that's your box, you take care of that. He can say I'm not good at finances, so he passes that job over to me. So I will have final say on finances, because I just manage that.
Speaker 3:But at the end of the day I'm doing the finances because of where he is on his path. That makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the only thing I'll correct you on is that the final say in the finances does come back to me. It does.
Speaker 1:But I think cooperation and temperament blend a lot, because cooperation being this understanding of where do you fit in this relationship, and I think temperament is how you express your understanding of where you fit in this relationship. Because I feel like when I think about temperament, it is like how calming are you, like some of those factors that go toward when you're upset? How do you express your upsets? Yeah, when you're having a really bad day and your partner's having a really great day, like how do you separate them? Mm-hmm, you're in a really bad mood but you're thrilled to death for them, and it doesn't have to be all consuming. And so it is just your ability to be able to navigate that relationship authentically, without smooshing down your feelings of bummerness Again, very critical bummerness title there but not squishing those down and pretending like they don't exist, but acknowledging them. And it can be both and, and I think that's how I view temperament. I don't necessarily think that's how it's really defined.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the only thing I would add to that is temperament matters across the board, like I care about how you sound and act and feel all over the world, not just in the context of us being in the house together. Cooperation not so much I haven't thought about this long enough but I see cooperation from an attractiveness standpoint because, again, we're talking about men and women. From an attractiveness standpoint I'm more concerned about you being cooperative to me, with me, not necessarily more concerned about you being cooperative with other people, but really depends on the temperament plays a piece in that, because if you're a person who's just objectionable to everybody, right, that's a problem, sure sure.
Speaker 2:And at least that's part cooperation and that's definitely part of temperament right.
Speaker 2:Who wants a woman, who's obnoxious out in public or doesn't know how to control her emotions and anger, or makes people feel bad about themselves, like all of those things temperament pieces, in my opinion, that a guy would care about.
Speaker 2:Because one very important thing that women should understand is that status is important to men, right, and we look at women as an asset to our status. Right, as horrible as it might sound to some people or it might feel bad, but we look at them as an asset to our status and, depending on where a guy is, who he is, what kind of work he's doing, what kind of people he's around, he has to be aware of that. He has to be aware that his woman affects his status and most men are when at the choosing phase, most men are. I've heard many examples in my life where a guy didn't choose a woman, not because he didn't like her, but the idea of a guy saying, oh man, I really love this lady, but she's overweight, I can't marry her. That is because he's trying to protect his status, right or wrong. Right or wrong, that's just what it is. The point of this whole conversation is to say that status matters to men. So temperament plays a big part, because who you are reflects me as a man.
Speaker 1:I think status plays some role with women, but definitely not in the same way that it does with men.
Speaker 2:Yeah, again we're talking sexual market value stuff right. Women care about a guy's status. Yes, men don't necessarily care about a woman's status.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay.
Speaker 2:From an attraction standpoint.
Speaker 1:Okay. So from the perspective of men looking for a woman, they don't care about a woman's status. They want a woman to add to his status.
Speaker 2:Exactly. They care about her status. If her status helps his status, oh okay, oh okay. So the only thing I'm trying to get across here, well that's not an absolute statement.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the only point I'm trying to make is that men and we're just bred this way competition, status and those things are just bred inside of us. So when we're talking about women, if I'm coaching a woman, part of my goal is to help her understand men better and not to tell her what to do with that information. We can get to the part of telling her what to do with that information, but women just have to understand men first, just understand the nature of men, because this is where the conversation goes south a lot of the time. Because remember when we talked about the statistic that most men find 22-year-old women attractive, totally Right when we had that conversation and that message has been out there on the web wherever and people are just all up in arms about that thing and women start shaming men and insulting men and all this sort of thing.
Speaker 2:And if I was talking to a woman, I would say listen, all I want you to do is just understand that. Just that's how we come out of the box. That we find a 22-year-old more attractive than any other age, right, doesn't matter if I'm 50 years old or 40 years old Now that does not influence what I'm going to do with my life and how I'm going to treat that information.
Speaker 2:Like, I think, the new Corvette, so like the coolest sports cars out there, but I don't want a Corvette. I think 22-year-old women are attractive, very attractive.
Speaker 1:I don't want one of them.
Speaker 2:I'm saying so. The goal is to help you understand the nature of us so you know what's important to us and you can use that as a tool to help you be a better person for him if you love that guy. Because I want to be a better person to my wife if I love my wife. But I can't do that unless I go learn and understand women at the core. You could say women are very emotional, but it doesn't mean that they're going to be off the deep end all the time.
Speaker 2:But, if I know that about them, then I can at least move in a way that's conducive to how she is you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I feel like this bucket should just be renamed with the hot spicy bucket. These are difficult because then you move to intelligence, like, a man doesn't care about a woman's status We've talked about before. A man doesn't care about a woman's education. But intelligence is different than education. Education is somewhat formal. Intelligence can be gathered over time or Situational learned.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's.
Speaker 1:I think that's the interest piece.
Speaker 2:Like you're an interesting person, yeah, and the piece that I like to add to that is Education. It matters to men in a way that's different than women think it matters to men. It matters to men, to your point, because we do like intelligence right, and Education can signal intelligence.
Speaker 2:Right, because you still have to have a conversation with somebody you can't just let them sit there on a right, yeah, and depending on where a guy is in life, he wants to be able to take you places and and not feel like you're a kid.
Speaker 2:But that's just. Some guys want to take you places and are happy to expose you to new things and teach you new things all the time. And then there's some guys who care about it because there's an inherent feeling that you have, if somebody has done some work and done something with their life, that they're not after what you have done as opposed to somebody who hadn't done anything with their life, and you go take them on. You got this thing in the back of your head saying one day, if she's here for the right reasons. So my point is education and money. You can see how those things can be attractive I don't want to use the word attractive because they still don't belong in the sexual market value column but you can see how they add to you exactly. You can see how he can care about those things. Yes, but he cares about them in a different way.
Speaker 1:Then the women, because of the outcome that come, because what?
Speaker 2:it signals and because of the things that come from it, whereas women have a tendency to say I've got this degree, you guys get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:But like the people who flex their titles, yeah, versus the people who Flex what they have from their titles.
Speaker 2:Yeah, at least that's how.
Speaker 1:I think about it. Yes, because everyone knows a title flexer and you don't really know why you're flexing that when people want to get to the things behind that.
Speaker 3:Is it fair to say, or does it make sense to say, that men care about how women make them look and Women care about how men make them feel?
Speaker 1:I don't think, absolutely, absolutely okay, because it when I also care about how a man makes me look and I care about how a woman makes me feel.
Speaker 3:Okay, never mind, scratch that then.
Speaker 2:Okay, we care about how people like you. You can make me feel like a man, and we know when some women out there make their man feel like kids what I meant was when you're prioritizing what you care about.
Speaker 3:I understand that men care more about how the world sees him. Yes, he wants to feel good, but his priority is Do my friends think I'm cool?
Speaker 2:Yeah the only problem I have with that statement is saying that it's a priority, like, when I talk about those things, I'm talking about the inherent part of men, that this is, you know, out of the box, we come out wanting to be competitive, and that that whole idea of competition, mm-hmm, is the idea of status. Yeah, you your winners. You beat these guys down here.
Speaker 2:Yeah and we compete with each other. I compete with other engineers like I, compete in every aspect of life and that's just the part that motivates us. Like the competition in a guy Motivates us to move forward, to get higher. Like there guys out there who have millions and millions of dollars but work harder than the dudes that make 35 thousand dollars a year if you had to choose, though, there's a woman that makes you feel good, and there's a woman that elevates you, makes you look good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's, that's a Me. I have an answer for that, but I don't think the answer.
Speaker 1:I think that definitely I think that would fall in the category of use these traits and Understand them, and then the type of person that you're interested in. They're gonna put weight on different ones.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, I want people to be better at relationships. I really want.
Speaker 1:I think we need to do an episode on what is a dating coach. We've talked a lot about it and is scattered throughout a lot of our episodes. But like, how do you think about a dating coach? Like, how do you price a dating coach? I imagine that like marketplace is wild and crazy, much like business coaches how long should you have one? Is there, like some like baseline skillset? Like how do you know?
Speaker 3:when you have a good one. Yeah, yes, probably the most important is yes, because what I worry about is Someone saying okay, I got a dating coach, and rather than them getting closer and closer to their goal, they're just moving further and further away. There there's some coaches that still focus very heavily on Text messaging, for example. Right, where they prioritize.
Speaker 3:Here's how soon you should text a guy back after the date and hear what you should say and use these words. It's not terrible Advice, but it's not where I think the focus should be. So I think it's important for people to do a little homework behind choosing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a big conversation and I don't have all the answers to it, but I think about that a lot because you know what you just mentioned. I call that tactical coaching. Okay, and I'm not a tactical coach, I'm a perspective coach because I want to ask the right questions and find out enough about you to guide you in a direction. They help you get to the outcome that you're looking for. But Just generally speaking, think about therapists. Like we've been to tons of therapists in our lives and most of them were terrible, yeah, and. But then we watched the show where this guy was a really good therapist, but he was a good therapist to celebrities.
Speaker 3:And the key thing there is, when we were sitting with the bad Therapist, like we had to lean on our own intelligence to say, okay, we will not listen to like, like, oh, wow, but there are some people who can't do that. They would say okay. My therapist said do is, I'm gonna go do it, which is that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah so there's a little bit of a theme with our buckets and with our traits, and even with this conversation about coaching. Maybe it's just coming out to me, because of Some of the things that I'm thinking about, of just clicking through the boxes or checking things off, to say we're checking them off and doing the stuff and okay, we've done this, so let's go to the next thing. I think the intent and Desire around it is what matters more than the actual things itself. The things point you as a milestone on that road to get closer to where you want to go. But if we look at even the visual bucket and the interpersonal bucket of this FIM score, they're not all. They're not all things you can go through. And okay, I'm now feminine. Yeah, okay, I'm now like my looks are great. Yeah, okay, my parents is fantastic. Yeah, okay, I'm now intelligent, like all of these things are growing and evolving with you as a person. Yeah, and continuing to change and shift, because the landscape changes, styles change. For starters, people people change, and then intelligence is one of those things that I think the most alluring thing about intelligence is that it can improve and Grow and change and you can add new aspects to your intelligence.
Speaker 1:We were talking earlier about wine. That's one of the things I love about wine is that you can never learn it all. Yeah, you can never learn it all, and I think even that approach to life of you can just continue to learn, you continue to grow even that alone is alluring and is appealing to people Because it shows you have a growth mindset over a fixed mindset. So I think there's so much to intelligence that is is beyond what's your degree? Yeah. What did you go to school for? Yeah, did you finish school? What do you do professionally? And I think even the clamp score and the FIM score really get to. How are you as a person Growing and evolving and presenting yourself outside of the things you can read on paper? Yeah, I think that's the encouraging part about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when I think about the clamp score. When I'm having this conversation with the guy, I can ask him on a scale of one to ten, where's your level of confidence with women? It's normally what I would say and they would give me a number, right, as far as looks are concerned, on a scale of one to ten. Where do you think you are with love and so forth? It's quantifiable in the minds of people. It can be quantifiable, right, when we think about the things that in FIM score, I don't know, can we quantify Femininity, like, on a scale of one to ten? Or I could ask that question on a scale of one to the ten how feminine do you think you are? No, no answer is right or wrong and again, this is the tool to just to start the conversation up. I think.
Speaker 1:I was thinking about that as Debbie was talking through like getting closer to 60, and I was trying to think is math part of this? Can you assign yourself a number? Whenever people rate themselves individually, they're always skewed based on your own understanding of yourself. But that's the point, though. Like you wanted for you to sit there and say, hey, my Appearance can be better, but I feel like I am pretty feminine, so I feel good on that one, but I can improve my appearance and that's not quite as high. What are some things that I can do to improve my appearance? A lot of these probably open up doors to conversations that you've already had, but given you more Achievable pathway to get them, because it's not just I need to be a better person. Like I suck.
Speaker 2:You have to Figure out where you are yeah and you figure that out by at least asking what do you think you are in this? Now my assessment might be totally different. But if my assessment is different, then my creative coaching will illuminate that at some point. But how?
Speaker 1:would you do that with temperament? Because in our conversation about temperament and maybe even cooperation, they somewhat situationally driven, because if you're in a good place, like you don't feel like you are in a toxic environment or you Are working through what you need to work through or you're trying to change your attitude and perspective about certain situations.
Speaker 1:Like I know that my temperament is wildly different when I'm in a toxic space and I know that about myself. Like I am much more combative, even if I'm trying to coach myself and say that, hey, we need to change our perspective here or ask different questions. But even how you ask the question that you are doing your best to ask in a way that is not combative, to get around it. Like how do you quantify that?
Speaker 3:So for a friend, I think there's a difference between Knowing it for yourself but also knowing it for the guy. So I can do the full-body scan and say, okay, personality wise, this is where I am, temperament wise, this is where I am and I'm at be comfortable with that. I'm comfortable with how I treat people, I'm comfortable with my personality in general. But then, when I don't want to get into a relationship with someone, is that personality something that would be attracted to the guy?
Speaker 3:So sometimes you ask women, how do you rate yourself? And they're like I'm a 10. I just know I'm a 10, but you, they might be a 10 to themselves. But if I say, in terms of being attracted to a guy, where do you think he would rate you, then they might pause in it Maybe a seven, maybe a six. So it's two, two different approaches which, when we say you get to know yourself first I Know myself, I know what my temperament is, but then I also need to understand what a guy is looking for and if I identify that he wants a Certain temperament, I can then choose to adjust or choose to find somebody else.
Speaker 2:Temperament is not something I feel like I can measure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:It is an isolated trait, you know. I'm saying like you can measure cooperativeness, let's just use introversion and extroversion right. Let's see, an extroverted person has a temperament. It could be a good one or a bad one, but just generally speaking, I can want a temperament of a woman that is outgoing and Extroverted, friendly, like I could think to myself. I want someone with that type of a temperament because I entertain a lot and I want somebody who can share a Life where there's gonna be lots of entertaining people. The type of thing I'm just saying is a lot around temperament.
Speaker 3:What's the difference between temperament and personality?
Speaker 1:so my gut and it could be wrong, but my gut would say Temperament is sometimes also how people feel around you. So I used to maybe sit a ton when I was younger and there were some kids that were just when they were around you. They were just calming, like they could be doing crazy kid things, but when they were around you you just felt calm, you felt easy, and that's how I view some of temperament. Even if they're in a bad space or in a toxic environment, they're not when you're with them. You don't feel hyper all the time or like you have to try to overcompensate. So let me give you this definition from psych central.
Speaker 1:I'm sure it's gonna be nothing, like I said, Just learn something.
Speaker 2:Definition of what temperament.
Speaker 3:So I'm comparing temperament and personality. Okay, so your temperament, sometimes called your disposition, refers to an aspect of your personality that's influenced by your biology. It's not your experiences. Your personality involves your thoughts, beliefs and dispositions, or temperament. So temperament would fall under the umbrella of personality. I can see it and your temperament is influenced by biology, where I guess your thoughts and beliefs would be influenced by your experiences.
Speaker 2:Okay, I have to think on that to fully digest it but, I, get to digest it.
Speaker 3:So temperament is just how I came out. This is how. So it's a little more nature, yeah. So I guess that's the introvert, extrovert.
Speaker 1:I guess that would also stand with the kid analogy that I used, maybe Because he was just naturally calming.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, because I do see that there's some things about me. That's just. It's biologically who I am. I've just always been this way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, temperament and disposition are words that are used quite a bit in Jane Austen books.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:I don't know where that goes, but those are words that are used a lot. Okay. Interesting, so Less about their personality and more about their disposition.
Speaker 3:So it's kind of like looks and appearance. There's one that you just can't do anything about, which is your temperament, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:That's a good point, because my temperament is different than what I have to do every day. If you were to ask people in the engineering community what my personality is like they You'd be like. Who are you talking about?
Speaker 1:I would love to hear that. I think that would be a lot of fun.
Speaker 2:I'm curious to know. I was going to ask you Do you think I am a serious stern person? Honestly?
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:I don't think that's your temperament. I think that would more be personality, because you change. So when you are in a customer service environment you get a little bit more mean mode, but when you're dealing with your friends you're just like super helpful, super nice, super kind.
Speaker 1:I would say that you're serious, not stern. I know I'm from the other environment, yeah.
Speaker 3:It's mean versus nice.
Speaker 2:She said mean.
Speaker 1:We're not that way all the time maybe 10% of the time, I think, when you are in an environment that you I wouldn't say feel safe, because I feel like that's not the right word I would use but if you're in an environment where you feel is more collaborative or cooperative, then you're probably different. I'm a little more serious about the things that you do, because life is important and it's serious.
Speaker 3:When people don't meet your expectations, you don't have the patience for it, but for the most part you're a nice guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would say you're a nice guy. I find it so helpful when you can think in buckets and think in boxes and create your own milestone. What I want is I want people to be more curious from this by providing tools and words around things, whether it's with the clamp score or the FIM score. The FIM score obviously matters a little bit more to me than the clamp score does, but I find myself being more curious when I engage with other people, when I hear people tell stories, or even when my friends tell me about their dating experiences. I am immediately putting things into buckets, like assigning traits to stuff. I feel like sometimes my mind is a beautiful mind where things are floating around and I'm pulling them into spaces.
Speaker 1:That's just really fun for me. I also would like for people for the women listening and the men too, but largely the women to be hopeful. It's not all or nothing. I think in dating, so many times it feels all or nothing because it does go from nothing to something in a blink of an eye when you think about yourself and how you're trying to improve yourself. Ultimately, people are more attracted to people who care about themselves, not this weird self-help language or this overuse of self-care. But you're more attractive and more alluring as a person when you are not so focused on yourself. In many cases, when you're not focused on yourself is when you're the healthiest version of yourself. To work on yourself to improve who you are makes you more alluring because you're not always constantly focused on yourself. It doesn't really make that much sense on the surface, but the healthiest form of who you are is what you're trying to go for. The more you figure that out is through tools like this or self-assessments or I'll say it for Valden, a dating coach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's my thought. I like the idea of wanting people to be more curious about it, because the general theme for me is that I want people to have better skills in this relationship space, because if you have better tools, you can develop better skills. Relationship is the thing that you have to be skilled at. If you want to be successful at doing it, you've got to have some level of skill. I just hope these episodes contribute to that. Agreed, that's where I am.
Speaker 3:In terms of an action item. I think women should pay attention a little bit more to men talking like whatever they're talking about Ooh, good one. Just pay attention and try to see the patterns, because we can't wait on them to give us a checklist of what they're looking for. But we are smart enough to read between the lines. We can take this list of six items and reconcile it with, or experience with, men in the world and make sense of it. Also, for both sides to accept and appreciate that we all come in with a shopping list. Men have their shopping list, Women have their shopping list. We don't need to compete. We don't need to be angry at the other side for wanting too much. We need to grow past that at this point and just accept okay, this is the guy that I want. Here's what he's looking for. I can either be it or not be it. Bye.