If You're Not Choosing to Change, You're Choosing to Stay Stuck

If you feel like you’re drowning in responsibilities and telling yourself “there’s no way I can change right now,” this short message is for you: if you’re not choosing to change, you’re choosing to stay stuck. 

Not because you’re lazy or broken, but because your brain is doing what it was built to do, keep you safe, even when “safe” means suffering.

If you are looking to change and would like some support, I would love to chat about how my burnout recovery coaching might be a fit for you. You can get in touch through my website.

Join me for more over on social media:

• Blog: Humans Leading | Jillian Bybee
• Instagram: Jillian Bybee, MD (@lifeandpicu)
• LinkedIn: Jillian Bybee, MD | LinkedIn 
• Threads: @LifeandPICU
• Website: Contact — Jillian Bybee, MD (jillianbybeemd.com)

If you’re ready to kickstart your journey (or your team's journey) to a less stressed life, I’m ready to help you! You can get in touch about 1:1 coaching or inviting me to facilitate a workshop for your group, get in touch via my website. 

Transcript

Welcome And Who This Is For

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, and welcome to Humans Leading, a podcast for overwhelmed people looking to live less stressed, more satisfying lives. I'm Dr. Jillian Bibe, a pediatric critical care medicine physician, mom, certified stress management coach, and wellness trainer who uses my personal experience with burnout recovery to help others do the same. This podcast is for anyone who is feeling frustrated or overwhelmed with their current way of living and looking for practical ways to make an impact in their lives today. If you're looking to feel less stressed, less stuck, and more fulfilled in your life, this is your podcast. I'm glad you're here.

The Core Message: Choose Change

SPEAKER_00 1:04

And the message I'm bringing you today is that if you're not choosing to change, you're choosing to stay stuck.

Feeling Like You Are Drowning

SPEAKER_00 1:10

This most recently came up for me when I was talking to someone who had sought me out for coaching, and they were talking about all of the ways that their life was difficult right now. They felt trapped between being a mom, being a professional, wanting to take care of themselves. And really the way that they described it was that they were drowning. And after we sat with that for a while, I asked how they could start to get out of that, what they thought would help be helpful for them. And I think what they said is so true for so many people I talked to.

The Stories That Keep You Stuck

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Immediately they started to have a lot of reasons why they couldn't change. They were too busy, someone else wouldn't let them, so they were blaming somebody else. Work wouldn't let them, you know, they were too busy, their organization didn't care about them. Other people sometimes tell me it's not the right time, it costs too much. I often hear that about coaching. It's just too much money, it's not in my budget right now. And maybe it isn't in your budget, but we'll get to what else it could be in a second. Sometimes people say things aren't practical, they downplay that it the thing they want or the change will never happen for them. It's too much work. And I'm here to tell you that all those things are stories. Everything that I just said, and every little thing that we create in our heads is a belief that we have that we created along the way in our life. And the purpose of it is to keep us safe. We start to believe that we don't have enough time, nothing will ever change in our lives, that the power to make change is outside of our own control. And I'm here to tell you that these things are bullshit. This is just a story that you're telling yourself. I have stories that I tell myself and that I've told myself. They're not the capital T truth. So they're not the truths of the universe, like suffering is something that everybody experiences. That is true. Everybody on the earth experiences some form of suffering at any one time or another.

Comfort, Discomfort, And Burnout

SPEAKER_00 3:18

But it's not true that you don't have time to make change. What is true a lot of the time is that you're not willing to tolerate the discomfort it takes to make change. You're choosing to stay in the comfort of whatever suffering you're currently in. So for a lot of my clients, this means that they are choosing to stay in burnout because it's familiar to them. It would take letting other people in, admitting that you have an issue, admitting that you need to make change, potentially leaving your job or not, but it would take some work to start to acknowledge and change the circumstances of your life. And so a lot of us don't choose that. And we don't choose it until the pain of staying where we are, and this was true for me, the pain of being in burnout and depression when I was in medical training, and then the pain of being in burnout when I was an early career attending a few years into my job, that became more painful than having to make change. And that's what I see in a lot of people.

No Quick Fix: Sustainable Change

SPEAKER_00 4:27

When they first come to me, they may have recognized that they have a problem, they may have tried a few things, but they're looking for the quick fix, the easy solution. They're looking for something where they can snap their fingers and go back to the life that they're currently in. And I'm here to remind you that that is not how it works. We don't snap our fingers and get out of burnout, we don't solve the problem with an easy button. This type of change, the real lasting sustainable change, takes time. And that's the only kind of change that's worth it because it's the only thing that really gets us to where we want to be in our lives. But a lot of us don't want to go through that. So again, if you're not choosing to change, you're choosing to stay stuck.

One Small Step And Getting Support

SPEAKER_00 5:15

But I want more for you. I wanted more for myself. I want you to be able to live the life that you want. And I believe that it's possible for you. So my question for you today is are you going to be quiet and sit in your little life where you're experienced suffering? Or are you going to choose to be bold, forge ahead through the discomfort of change, and instead of choosing to stay stuck? I think you deserve a lot in your life. I think you have the power to do it. Some of us just need support along the way. So if you're looking for support, I would love to hear from you. It's potential that we could work together in one-to-one coaching. I have some offerings coming up this fall. If you're interested in that, you can get in touch at gillianbibeymd.com. But until then, think of one small thing that you could do today to get you on your way to change and to feeling better. And I'll see you next time.

Rate, Review, Subscribe, Share

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope you got something out of it that will stick with you and help you live a less stressed, more satisfying life. Even if it's something small, these little things add up to big things over time. If you enjoyed this episode, I would love it if you would rate and review the podcast on Apple or Spotify. I also invite you to subscribe to make sure that you get all the newest episodes as soon as they are released. And for bonus points, if there's something that really landed with you, I would love it if you could share with a friend or with your network. That's how you can help humans leading grow and reach a bigger audience. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll see you next time.