Breaking the Mold: Non-Traditional Working Motherhood

In the first-ever episode of "The Tightrope - Balancing Career, Motherhood, and Everything In Between" hosts Daniella Cornue and Jess Feldt discuss the evolution of working motherhood. They reference a New York Times article from 1988 that proclaimed working moms as the norm, highlighting the ongoing challenges and expectations placed on working mothers. The hosts delve into their personal experiences and perceptions of traditional and non-traditional working motherhood, exploring the need for flexibility and redefining success. Tune in to gain insights on navigating the complexities of balancing career and motherhood.

Thanks for listening to The Tightrope! We would greatly appreciate a review and a share if you enjoyed today's episode.

To connect with us further, please reach out to:

Jess Feldt: www.jessfeldtcoaching.com
Daniella Cornue: www.levillagecowork.com

You can also find us on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn!

Chapters

• 1:38 Non-traditional Working Motherhood
• 5:41 Who are Jess and Dani?
• 9:54 The Norm of Working Motherhood
• 12:13 Traditional Work Schedules Aren't Working
• 21:11 Setting Boundaries for Remote Work
• 26:26 The Motherhood Identity Shift
• 33:30 What options are there?

Transcript

Jess Feldt When did working mother become the norm? And I actually found a New York Times article from June 1988 that was called, The Working Mom is Now the Norm. And I thought this was so funny because it is from 35 years ago now. And the quote in there, if you read it, could have been from a newspaper yesterday.

Daniella Cornue You know I for whatever reason I always have this image of this New York Times article and it was this woman she literally has a hundred arms—and one of the arms is is taking care of the baby and one of the arms is cooking dinner and one of the arms is on the phone and one of the arms is writing notes and one of the arms is—and she has all these arms and it was this article about how moms are superheroes and moms do all the things and you know, whatever else. And to me, in my head, I was raised to believe that in order to be a successful working mother, that was the definition of who you needed to be.

Daniella Cornue Hello to all of our exhausted and exhilarated working parents and welcome to The Tightrope, a show about balancing career, motherhood, and everything in between.

Jess Feldt We are your hosts, Daniella Cornue and I am Jess Feldt. And on the show today, we're going to be talking about breaking the mold. A little bit about non-traditional working motherhood.

Daniella Cornue I can't wait. All right, Jess, so you said today we're going to be talking about breaking the mold and nontraditional working motherhood. Talk to me a little bit about what that means to you.

Jess Feldt So we're talking about non-traditional working parenthood today, working motherhood. But it probably makes sense to talk about what is the traditional working motherhood then. 

Daniella Cornue Yeah. 

Jess Feldt Which I think if most of us were to picture it, we think about this version of the working mom who wakes up, the kids go to daycare or have a nanny, they work at the office all day long, and then you come home. And, you know, you have a couple hours with your kids and you go to bed and you do it all over again. And we've both been in those roles. 

Daniella Cornue Yes, we've both been in those roles. 

Jess Feldt And I think what many women are finding today is that that traditional view, I would say, normal at this point view of working mom is leading to a lot of burnout. It's leading to exhaustion. It's leading to feelings of inadequacy because you're feeling I'm not, like I can't show up at work the way I used to and I'm feeling like I can't show up with my family because I'm, you know, I'm thinking about work and I want to put my time and energy there as well. And so I think it's really culminating in this feeling of this is not working. And I think both of us felt like we had those experiences and we decided to do something different then. And so I think that's really why we wanted to talk about breaking the mold a little bit to say, so what are the other options? Are there other options? What else can this look like if this current vision of what it has been for the last 30 years, 30 plus years, 40 years, doesn't seem to be working? Yeah.

Daniella Cornue I mean, I think that you know, I for whatever reason I always have this image of this New York Times article and it was this woman she literally has a hundred arms—and one of the arms is is taking care of the baby and one of the arms is cooking dinner and one of the arms is on the phone and one of the arms is writing notes and one of the arms is—and she has all these arms and it was this article about how moms are superheroes and moms do all the things and you know, whatever else. And to me, in my head, I was raised to believe that in order to be a successful working mother, that was the definition of who you needed to be.

Jess Feldt Totally. 

Daniella Cornue But the reality is, and we know this now, that the traditional workforce that women have now become a part of is set up for a single parent to be on site and one of the parents to be at home with the kids. And not the way that women are actually going to work, which is to be 100% at home and 100% at work. And that is impossible because no one has 200%, right? So I think, I think that is really interesting to me to just really sit down and be like, why are we holding this? Why is this a standard that we're all holding, that we're holding ourselves to?

Jess Feldt Yeah. And so I think that's really what was so meaningful about this topic for us is like, if this way, if this one way, because sometimes that's what it feels like, there's only one way. If that doesn't work, what does, or what are my other options? And so being able to talk about both of our journeys and how we got to where we are, I quit corporate, and then I went to stay-at-home mom, and then I realized, oh, shoot, that doesn't work for me either. What does? And then navigating into this version that I have now that I own my own practice, and I have about 3 quarters time work, but I work at home, and I spend the rest of the time with my kids. That's pretty non-traditional. I created that for myself. And what allowed me to do that?

Daniella Cornue Yeah. Well, tell me. I mean, because I know, obviously. But tell everybody that's listening, you know, who are you? What do you do? Who are you, Jess Feldt?

Jess Feldt Yeah, so I'm a life and leadership coach, and I specifically work with working mothers who are navigating all of these things. And when I say all of the things, I literally mean all of the things. They're trying to grow their careers. They're trying to grow their families. They're trying to maintain a sense of who they are and their own individual identity and trying to figure out how to do this without losing it, basically. And that's really what I do. I am a coach, and I support women who are navigating all of these challenges.

Daniella Cornue Yeah, I love that. I mean, that's how we met, right? 

Jess Feldt Yeah. 

Daniella Cornue Because you are a member of my co-working space. 

Jess Feldt Correct. 

Daniella Cornue Which is what I do. 

Jess Feldt Yes. So let's hear a little bit about Dani. 

Daniella Cornue So yeah. My core work is Le Village Cowork. I created a co-working space, actually pre-pandemic, and it's a co-working space that is literally built for working parents, and specifically working mothers. That's really who we're trying to serve, even though we have lots of working dads and non-binary families that are all now showing up to show out and be great parents, which has been really exciting to watch. So Le Village Cowork is my company. Well, now it's Le Village Co. because we actually have so many different branches of what we're doing and we're kind of just fighting for modern working parents. So we have the co-working space, which is literally community, co-working, child care. That's that business. And so you can come on-site with your babies and your toddlers and you have the capacity to put your kid into class and work on site with your young child. That was really what pushed me out of traditional work and into being an entrepreneur. That was the first thing that we did. Now we also have Le Village Learners, which is a modern pre-K. And now we're also franchising Le Village CoWork. So we have a whole franchising arm. So I have a lot of different hands in the cookie jar. I struggle with balance. Um, and so I think being honest about that as a working mom is also a part of this conversation, right? Um, but that's kind of how we got to know each other was that I had built Le Village Cowork. We were brand new. It was like, we're just out of COVID and the world was still like weird and shut down and you brought your son to my space. And then we started collaborating and working together on a lot of different fronts, right?

Jess Feldt Yeah. I mean, I think really this podcast is just a culmination of all of the different chats that we just had at the space and it was like, yeah, we should do something.

Daniella Cornue We should do this. We should totally do this. We now have this amazing mom friend group too that all, you know, everybody has such unique perspectives. I think that's something that even though this podcast is going to serve working mothers primarily, one of my favorite things about the conversations that we have at Le Village Co-Work is that we touch a lot of different types of parenting journeys. And so we have dads, we have non-binary families, we have people that are same-sex parents, people that are on so many different journeys that are not our journeys, right? Our core journey is motherhood. We are both mothers, we both define ourselves as She, her, right? But there are a lot of people that are on different journeys. I'm excited to interview those people and talk to those people and really get into that. But that's going to be future podcasts. So let's talk about, let's talk more about this podcast. So you're in charge here. I am just on this journey with you, which is usually how it goes, honestly. So what's the next question that we're going to jump into?

Jess Feldt In preparing for this show today, I started thinking about, you know, if we're going to be talking about non-traditional working motherhood, it got me curious about, like, when did working mother become the norm? Because for, I would say, most of U.S. history, right? Right. What we think about of working outside the house, was not the norm, and so I did a little bit of research, and I actually found a New York Times article from June 1988 that was called, The Working Mom is Now the Norm. And I thought this was so funny because it is from 35 years ago now, and the quote in there, if you read it, could have been from a newspaper yesterday. The quote was, businesses must begin to cope with the needs of working mothers, including such possibilities as flexible work schedules, employer-sponsored child care, flexible benefit plans, and other new approaches. And I had to laugh a little bit because in 35 years, I can't say we've made a ton of progress.

Daniella Cornue Well, and I'm sure we'll have lots of time to talk about this in the future. But I can’t say that we've made a lot of progress on much of anything these days. And the progress that we've made has been walked back. But that's a different podcast show, I suppose. But yeah, I don't think that our moms are probably surprised by a lot of this. So what do we do about it, I guess, is the question. Yeah.

Jess Feldt Well, I thought it was really interesting because if that's what we expected of traditional motherhood, I think for us to think about it, that's when we decided it doesn't work for us anymore. 

Daniella Cornue Right. 

Jess Feldt And we both took a little bit more of this non-traditional approach. And so I can talk about it a little bit for myself, but I'm curious, like, what made you, Dani, at one point say, like, hey, this isn't working for us anymore?

Daniella Cornue I mean, I'm in Chicago, we're in Chicago. Um, and I would drop Vivie off at the daycare at seven in the morning and I would hoof it over to the L and I hop on the L and I'd get downtown and work my day. Um, and, and then I'd get home and I'd pick her up at, you know, six 30 by the time I got home, most time between traffic and everything else. And She was an infant and she was going to bed at that point at like 730 and it got to the point that I would just cry all the way into work. And I was like, I'm missing out on her whole everything. I see her for an hour a day. What are we doing? And then even on the days where I was allowed to work, from home, the care system was not working for me. And I still had to drop her off and pick her up. And so that wasn't working either. So I was really looking for some sort of hybrid model in care, which I think is the biggest, most broken piece of that— the traditional work schedule. So the days where I did have to go into work, it just it felt pretty terrible to have so little of her at that point. And I think that that's the, the mom guilt that everybody talks about. I think that that's the big problem that people have been trying to solve. And, and frankly, you know, even now that she's older, right. I think my biggest struggle now is that like, There's so much to do at all times. I think about this often. I'm like, I don't know how people that work a traditional schedule do this genuinely. I just don't, I cannot imagine working at a nine to five downtown and trying to juggle all of the stuff that I do as a parent. You know, swim classes and ballet lessons and trying to be present and trying to connect with her and trying to do all this. I just don't understand how people do it. Mm-hmm.

Jess Feldt Genuinely. Yeah. I relate to that. I think that is a large part of why our family made our decisions, and specifically me in making a decision to take a step back from the corporate world, right? We also had our child in daycare. Right. And we're trying to navigate the wake up, get everyone ready, get everyone out of the house, rush to commute to work, OK, now work all day, and then rush to get home. And everything felt for us like it was in a rush. Right. And I think at one point there was just a really intentional decision that our family made that said, like, this is not working for us and we really need to think about what are our family values.

Daniella Cornue And then how do we be really intentional in making some decisions that support that because what we're doing right now no one is enjoying no one is having fun right now. i think to that point i feel like we have a lot of conversations about mental load and about all of these things that women are carrying. I saw this funny um i'll have to look up her name but she's a comedian on instagram and she was like Everybody keeps saying to ask for help and from who? Like, are you going to gift me your sleep? Are you going to gift me like…? The type of help that you can give me I don't even know how to take at this point because there's, there's the type of thing that I need, you know, the type of things that working moms need and working dads need—is flexibility, schedule change, all of these different things. And so I think that that's really the crux of it for a lot of working families.

Jess Feldt So I think probably a lot of the parents who are listening can relate to that feeling, especially in the really early times. Like, right, you and I both made these career decisions when our kids are the same age. They were born three months apart from each other. And I think we were in about the same phase of that very new early motherhood when we started to make these decisions. Um, what allowed you, what do you think empowered you to say, hey, you know what, I'm going to leave a really stable job that I like because I think a lot of people can relate to that, but that's a really scary thing to do.

Daniella Cornue I think for me, you know, I really think I just had this moment, a kind of a nervous breakdown moment. I think there's a lot of those moments for moms in those first months. And I called my mom and I was literally sobbing and I was just like, I just felt like I was missing everything. And I was like, what's the point? What's the point of trying to be, what's the point of being a mother, right? If you're not going to actually see and be with your children as they're developing, why do it? Why? I didn't, I literally could not wrap my brain around that. And then on the other side of it, what's the point of having this job that I did enjoy and that I did really like, but felt like I was only showing up 50% really because I was always distracted. And this feeling of like literally being pulled in two completely different directions. And I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest every single time I was missing out on a milestone or missing out on something but then at the other side of it felt like lonely and isolated and like I didn't belong at work and I wasn't myself anymore and I just was so I was so unhappy. I think that's really what it was I was like, I'm so unhappy I have to do something. I think that's part of my personality is that I fail fast and pivot, that's kind of a central part of who I am. And I just realized I'm failing at both things right now. I'm really not showing up in either element the way that I want to show up. And I think that's really what did it for me, to kick off that change.

Jess Feldt Yeah. If I were to capture that, really, it's you saw another option. Yeah. Right? And I think that is where a lot of mothers feel a bit trapped, is not seeing there being another option, either for financial reasons, or because I actually really love this career, and I want to force it to make it to work.

Daniella Cornue Yeah, because you loved your job, right?

Jess Feldt I did. 

Daniella Cornue You were super into it.

Jess Feldt I did. 

Daniella Cornue So what was it for you? 

Jess Feldt For me, it was this. For me it was coming to terms with what my priorities were in the moment. And I think for me at that point, I do still love my job, I'm still in a similar line of work now, it looks different, but I think I'm still doing the similar thing that I was doing before. But for me it was at this moment my priority This is not work anymore. My priority of where I want it to be is in spending time with my family. Right. And so for me, it was, OK, at this point, I'm going to take a step back, and I'm actually going to become a stay-at-home mom. Right.

Daniella Cornue How'd that go for you? 

Jess Feldt Great for a Chicago summer. 

Daniella Cornue Yeah, right, right, right. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. 

Jess Feldt And then I found Le Village. 

Daniella Cornue Yeah, yeah. 

Jess Feldt But I think for me it was part of also that pivot and I will also say privilege of seeing that there are other options and I had other things available and I didn't feel trapped. Within the one it sucked where I it Where I was physically did not suck the mindset that I was in sucked, right? And so I think in that moment was me saying well what other options are there available? To create the life to lean into the values the priorities that I have where I am right now, and now five years down the road, uh, those have changed and so no longer stay at home mom I mean, I now work from home. So i'm at home just as much as I was before right? 

Daniella Cornue Right, right. 

Jess Feldt Um but I work three quarters time.

Daniella Cornue Right. And that works for you. And that makes sense. And that I think a lot of times, you know, because this is a conversation that I have a lot with my membership too, which is a lot of working mothers, working parents. We have a lot of people that fit into all of those different areas. Like two years ago, or maybe I don't know, I might have a twisted sense of time. But basically, right after we came back from COVID. At first, it was like everybody was working remotely, but the world was kind of turning back on. And corporations were trying to figure out what they were going to do. Is this work-from-home thing forever? How are we going to feel this out? You know of course the implications from an ownership standpoint I actually can totally respect and understand that as a business owner myself but at the same time. But I have these these working parents in my space and often working mothers in my space and they're like— I've been allowed now to work from home for the last six months. I've proven that I'm successfully able to do that. But guess what? My boss is telling me now I need to come back this often and I, or turning the remote work option off completely and whatever else. And one of the things that I kept telling people was like, you have to set boundaries for yourself and parents have to set this boundary for themselves because if they don't, then this is gonna go away. We have to take ownership and empowerment in the moment that we're in and defining what that looks like for us. So that's one of the things too, it's like what I heard from you, you were like, I made a decision and I made a choice to empower myself to make a change. And I think that was similar for me, right? I made a decision. It was like, well, if the job that I want doesn't exist and the place that I want doesn't exist, I will create it for myself. And you didn't create it for yourself necessarily, but you went and sought it and found it and figured out what that was and defined what that was. I think that that's really important.

Jess Feldt You have such a unique perspective because you interact with so many working parents and with young children within your space. What are the conversations that you see happening perhaps like within families about like these sorts of decisions?

Daniella Cornue Yeah, that's a big one. I think that's one that people are still working through. I think the default parent is something that I hear a lot and over and over and over again. As difficult as COVID was, it really brought into stark reality the load that women and mothers were carrying within the households. And then that load became something that needed attention. People were literally having nervous breakdowns. It needed to be shared. And I don't think that fathers could ignore it anymore because it was right in front of them. They weren't away at work. It was like happening before their eyes. And so I think some of that stark reality was so needed for working mothers. Um, but I think that that's something within the household that's still getting ironed out—this idea of the default parent, That mothers were for so long. It was like oh, well, you know Schools didn't even ask for dads on school paperwork or forms or anything like that. And so that is something that I think families are still trying to iron out and figure out who's showing up, even at the co-working space. Who's working from the co-working space? Is it just mom— or is dad, who's also remote or hybrid, taking on some of that responsibility? It really impressed to say that we have lots of dads that are taking on that responsibility and showing up and giving mom the option to either work from home so that she can do whatever it is that she wants to do. When dads in, you know, it's like, well she's in the office, and they are creating that comfortable space for them to have that option.

Jess Feldt Yeah, I think it's huge. I know when we made the decision because I think I was in that I mean as we mentioned I was that very traditional working mom at first the corporate my husband worked to the idea that one of us wouldn't work was actually I don't think ever a part of the plan it was just assumed right we'd have two incomes and Two working families. We live in Chicago. It's cheaper than New York, but it's still expensive. That was always assumed. But when we started to have this conversation, it was one of those. We had to say, OK, well, what are our values as a family? How does our current situation allow us to honor those? And then it did say, you know what? I'm raising my hand. I want to be the one who stays home. I want to be the one who takes a step back. I really, truly did. I can say I'm blessed with a partner who did not assume that that was going to be the situation. And I think for us, what worked for us at the time was valuing my time as a stay-at-home as being just as hard and just as much work. as right um Ryan had when he went to work because he sometimes would be like I got a break I got to leave the house today. I mean and so I think yeah having that that conversation together as a couple and as a family to come together and say like these are our values, this is how we're going to make these values work. That's what led us to more of this non-traditional path, and I think has allowed it to continue working and continue to evolve.

Daniella Cornue Yeah. I think, too, I would love to chat at some point just about admitting as career-driven women for so long, admitting to ourselves that our kids have shifted our identity and our priority. I think that's really, really, really, really difficult for people to actually admit to themselves a lot of the time is that like, oh, this identity that I had is maybe not my identity anymore. And that challenge that the motherhood identity shift is—it’s so hard to process. And I think that that's something we should definitely break down on a future podcast and just talk about what that feels like. But yeah, I think that, you know, mothers that stay at home are still working mothers, right?

Jess Feldt I think that's a version of the non-traditional working mother. 

Daniella Cornue Yeah. 

Jess Feldt Right? Being able to almost see stay-at-home moms, that is your career. Right. You are not sitting your butt on the couch all day. I can guarantee that. Like, that is your career for that given point of time that you choose to be it. And I think that's just another version of non-traditional working mom at this point. Right.

Daniella Cornue Right. Yeah. I think that's super true. I think for a large part of what we're going to talk about on this podcast, we are referring to those that are working for people that have expectations for them outside of the home though, right? That's kind of where we're heading on this.

Jess Feldt Yeah, or working for themselves, right? Or working like, I really think this is like balancing that career aspect of there's something outside of the home that you're navigating, the responsibilities, the demands for, in addition to everything within the home, that you're navigating and balancing the responsibilities and the demands for. And just as an individual person, because you are still a person outside of work, outside of your family life. And so how do you manage and create space for those responsibilities and demands as well.

Daniella Cornue And I think, too, like if you are a mom that's listening to this podcast and you are a stay-at-home mom and that's your job— we actually saw a lot of this when we first opened Le Village—we had a lot of moms that were trying to return to the workforce. trying to figure out what that felt like for them. And so I think that we'll talk a lot about the, you know, intersections between that journey, right, where you have maybe taken a year off. How long did you take off for Caleb? 

Jess Feldt Mmm, fully?

Daniella Cornue Fully. 

Jess Feldt Fully, probably about four or five months. 

Daniella Cornue Four to five months. Right on. 

Jess Feldt But I will say I pretty much stopped working during COVID because we didn't have child care and I was pregnant. 

Daniella Cornue Right. 

Jess Feldt So I will add for that really kind of solid year, I was mostly stay-at-home mom then as well.

Daniella Cornue Right, right. That makes a lot of sense. But yeah, I think that you know, taking a look at that journey as well. For any moms that are trying or pick up the side hustle or find work again. For me, I know this about myself, I was never going to be a stay-at-home mom, I knew that I was like, nope I would not be very good at that. I, I have, I tip my hat to anybody that's in that role because I think that, I think that's an amazing ability to, I just think it's really special and that was not me. I was not going to be that person, but I think that understanding what it feels like to realize like, okay, I want it, or maybe you needed that for a phase in your life, and now you're trying to figure out how to get back into it, but still want to be present. We want it all, right? We want our cake, we want to eat it too, we want it all. And so I think that that's really what this podcast is. How do you have it all right? Everybody talks about this. And I don't think that's possible, right?

Jess Feldt What's that journey look like? I had never thought about it like this before, but I had to laugh to myself right now as you were saying that, because part of me thinks that me quitting and going to be a stay-at-home mom was just this period of me being like, that will be so much easier. And then realizing, no. Actually wasn't easier, but it allowed me to heal from some burnout. I think that I did have, and once I felt like I had healed from that, and then realized that staying home was definitely not, in fact, easier, I was ready to return back to work and say, okay, so what is it then that allows us to, like, really allow me, that allows our family to really feel fulfilled, content, honoring our values, kind of all of those really nice things?

Daniella Cornue Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think that that is just such a huge part of so many moms that are on this journey. I'm excited. One of my favorite things about being at Le Village is learning from other people and their parenting experiences because I think one of the other things that's really unique about being at parenting today is that it's almost like information overload, and a lot of judgments. 

Jess Feldt Yeah, absolutely. 

Daniella Cornue Because everybody's taking their own journey and trying to balance their own lives and their own careers in their own way. Yeah. And so kind of having a perspective, like a little like peek into all the different ways that people are doing it. Did you hear about that one show that they tried? I don't know how it went. It was like a TV show that was on for a while and they were like, we're gonna do, we're gonna break down five types of parenting tests or something like that.

Jess Feldt I watched it, it was terrible.

Daniella Cornue Was it? I just was like, I don't know. I think that would be hard because those shows are built to create tension. I'm like, we've got enough tension. No. We have enough stuff. No one needs that. Nobody needs that. But I think the show's intention was to give that view into all the different ways that you can parent a child and all the different ways that parents are grappling with things. That, I think, was the idea behind it. And I hope that that's what this podcast is. Yeah. It's like a way to like look at all the different ways and all the different—what are we juggling? 

Jess Feldt Everything. All the things. 

Daniella Cornue Right? All the things. So I love that.

Jess Feldt Yeah. So as we start to wrap this up, there's a couple, as we end every show, I think there's something that we really want you as our listener to be able to take away. And so I would like to say like if you are someone who's in that very traditional working mom type role, And you're finding yourself saying like, hey, I'm not sure this works for me anymore, like the way that we're doing it. I would just really encourage you to think about what are your values, what are as a family your values, and realize that there really are a lot of other options out there. And to be able to explore what those are and really be open to it. For some people it might be, you know, a new job. For some people it might be, let me ask and advocate for reduced working hours. For others it might be, let me take a pause. There's so many different options out there now. I think it's really about like, okay, let's really be open and lean into our values and see what other opportunities there are. What would be a piece of advice that you would give someone who's who's really in that very traditional working mother working parent role and thinking about, you know, this isn't working for me.

Daniella Cornue  You know, I am such a Risk taker. So I feel like I'm not usually the best person to articulate this to people, but one of the things that I did, I started writing things down and. And you know, for me, because I am a risk taker, I do tend to jump in both feet and not look back so, I, I learned about myself that I need to set up barriers to that. And if it's pervasive. If the thought is what I wake up with day after day, I started to write down those thoughts. I started to really start to articulate those things so that they weren't fleeting or irrational. Because one of the other things I feel like women, at least I, maybe not all women, but for me, I'm constantly telling myself— I'm being irrational, I'm being emotional, I'm being (and that is just years of just other people basically telling me that and of course that becomes people's inner voice) so I just started writing it down and articulating it and being like: this is how I feel, this is how I feel, this is how I feel, this is how I feel and then all of a sudden you know this was like two months later. This was how I felt every day and it was like, I can’t continue feeling this way. And the other thing that other people told me was like, oh, it'll get better and it'll go away and you'll get over it. It's just a phase. And regardless, maybe it is just a phase or maybe, you know, maybe I'll feel different. Vivi's still, you know, she's still young. So maybe I will feel differently someday. But why are we dismissing the phase that we're in right now? This is where I'm at right now. And this was where I was. And so I was like, I don't care. I don't care if it's for a year. I don't care if it's for two. You know, here we are, you know, she's almost five. Like five years. I don't regret it. I don't regret making a change for myself. I don't think that anyone ever is going to regret a choice that they made for their kids. You're never going to look back on that and be like, damn, I wish I hadn't done that. Yeah. It's just not going to happen. So I think that there's a level of confidence that you can go into it. So, you know, yes, make sure that you're, you're making a decision that's clear . I think you said something about, you said something earlier about creating like scenarios and realistic solutions as options. Can you talk a little bit more about like what that was like for you?

Jess Feldt Yeah I mean because I think sometimes we can get into this this black or white scenario. I'm either I'm working full-time or I'm a stay-at-home mom. I am investing all my time here or I'm doing this and it almost no situation in life is black or white. Right. And so it really is being able to open up and say well if this isn't working what else might work? What else might be options here? Might else be available? And really setting that up to say okay what are the all the different levers and variables and things that I can play with because life is not black and white right and there are so many different things that we can play with to make things work and just being able to be really open right to those options and not just immediately shutting it down and saying well it's either this or it's this and this doesn't work so it must be this right So I'm going to start wrapping us up here because we are going long because I think the two of us could probably chat forever. But to go along with it, this is balancing career, motherhood, and everything in between. So let's also just end with what's the everything in between for you? What is something that you are doing right now, Dani, that is not momming, that is not work, but is something that's just for you?

Daniella Cornue We talked about this before we got on this. I started laughing because I am the worst at this. But I'm also starting to go a little crazy. So I've been working really hard to try to find time for myself. So I just started a new workout app. It's called Future. And basically, it allows you to be they have like a personal trainer, but it's all virtual. So it's cheaper than an actual personal trainer. I'm trying to find a happy medium. But I know I'm not going to go to the gym by myself because that's not who I am. So yes, so I am working out, hopefully doing more meditation. I'm just trying to create space – and again, I think we could do an episode all on this. Like how do you create space for yourself when there is – there feels like there's no space at all? Yeah.

Jess Feldt Yeah. For me right now, I am diving headfirst into all the Outlander books. I have watched all of the show and decided I wanted to go back and read more. You know, the books are always better. They're always better. And so after loving the show, I knew I was like, I want to go back and read the books.So that's what I am doing right now.

Daniella Cornue Is it sexy? 

Jess Feldt Yes. It's so sexy. 

Daniella Cornue I need a little sexy in my life right now. Maybe Outlander.

Jess Feldt Yes. And it's wonderful. 

Daniella Cornue I love that.

Daniella Cornue Thank you all so much for joining us today on The Tightrope. We know you really are juggling a thousand things, and it means a lot to us that you listen in. If you liked this episode, make sure you follow and subscribe to us on your favorite streaming networks. And of course, if you know a mom that needs to hear this or a dad or anybody else, share us. Join us next week as we talk about parenting equity.

Jess Feldt Not parenting equality, right? 

Daniella Cornue Right. 

Jess Feldt There is no expectation that any relationship is 50-50 on everything because that's impossible. But what it is is having an understanding and an agreement of expectations between the two of you and valuing those contributions that each of you are doing.

Daniella Cornue That's next week. So until then, just put one foot in front of the other.