The Tightrope: Balancing Career, Motherhood, and Everything In Between
Being a mother is wonderful, hard, and everything in between. Being a working mother is its own brand of chaos. Join hosts Jess Feldt and Daniella Cornue as they discuss the challenges and the triumphs of being a working mom today.
The Tightrope: Balancing Career, Motherhood, and Everything In Between
Parental Burnout Cannot Be the New Normal
The juggle is real, and this episode is all about confronting the chronic stress that's silently plaguing working parents: Parental Burnout. We're sharing our own tales from the trenches, reflecting on the intensity of trying to be everywhere for everyone, and the personal journeys that follow when we realize something's got to give.
As we dissect the World Health Organization's criteria for burnout, it's an eye-opener to see just how deeply this condition can affect our lives. The conversation takes a turn into the emotional impacts, from the emptiness we feel to the cynicism that creeps in, and how quickly it all can snowball into severe mental health concerns. But it's not all doom and gloom—we're also busting myths and shedding light on the societal pressures that feed into the unrealistic expectation that one can "have it all." It's a candid look at the tough choices many working mothers face, and an affirmation that it's okay to seek a sustainable work-life balance.
This episode isn't just about identifying the problem; it's about finding actionable ways to regain control and joy in our hectic lives. We talk about the power of true rest, the kind that actually recharges your batteries, and how individual restorative practices can be vastly different from person to person. By the end of this heart-to-heart, we're confident you'll walk away with strategies for setting boundaries, finding balance, and a reminder that it's absolutely crucial to prioritize yourself. Let's navigate these challenges together, because despite the tightrope, we can help each other keep moving forward.
A few notes from your hosts:
- In this episode, Jess refers to the ICD-10, the classification of diagnoses from the World Health Organization (WHO), in which Burnout is included. Burnout is NOT included in the DSM-5, the manual of diagnoses from the American Psychological Association.
- Book reference: The Power of a Positive No by William Ury
The content presented in this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date information, we are not medical professionals. The discussions, opinions, and advice shared on this podcast should not be considered as medical, psychological, or any other form of professional advice.
If you are experiencing any medical, psychological, or emotional issues, we strongly encourage you to seek the guidance of qualified professionals. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast.
Thanks for listening to The Tightrope! We would greatly appreciate a review and a share if you enjoyed today's episode.
To connect with us further, please reach out to:
Jess Feldt: www.jessfeldtcoaching.com
Daniella Cornue: www.levillagecowork.com
You can also find us on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn!
We're facing a new epidemic today, and it's parental burnout. A 2022 report by the Ohio State University, so think this is 2022, peak pandemic care. 66% of working parents meet the criteria for burnout. They have nothing left to give.
Daniella Cornue:Hello to all of our exhausted and exhilarated working parents and welcome to the Tightrope, a show about balancing career, motherhood and everything in between.
Jess Feldt:We are your hosts, Danielle Cornu, and I am Jess Feldt. In today's show, we are going to talk about parental burnout, what it is, why it matters and what we can do about it. So, Dani, have you ever felt burnt out before? Never. You can't even say it with a straight face, of course.
Daniella Cornue:I feel like I don't know. Honestly, sometimes I feel like that is maybe just my base level of being. If that makes sense, isn't this just where we exist in general?
Jess Feldt:Yes, I think you're probably not alone in that, and that is exactly why today, we're talking about parental burnout Right, because I think it's become like the new normal, and if you look at social media, if you look at articles that are out there, all you see is just how burnt out today's parents are, how burnt out today's working parents are, and I think it's just become this is just the new normal. Like, isn't that how parents feel?
Daniella Cornue:I think I read an article recently where it was like, especially the way that social media portrays parenthood. I was like it's what did they call it? They call it something like a fantasy nightmare. Tell me more when again, it's like people are like this is real parenting and it is that much chaos. But of course, when you like put it down, social media sound bites right. So it's like right, you don't see all of the edges of all of these things, but kind of what's cool and portrayed as well is just this like insane chaos and I mean, and granted, I don't know, is it just like that? And this is just like what you know, like I can't tell. I'm like what's real and what's not, I feel like but I do feel like that is like part of the story as well is like this is what's being.
Jess Feldt:Yeah, yeah, it is. It's what we see out there. I think it's what many of us feel, as you said, like, isn't that just like my normal? That's just, my baseline is feeling burnt out these days, and the research backs that up. Ohio State in 2022 did a study and found that 66 percent 66 percent, two thirds of working parents meet the criteria for burnout. And that is not just saying I feel burnt out. There is an actual survey that you can use, because burnout is an actual diagnosis. Okay, and so that's a lot. That is not just people saying, oh, I'm tired, all in, burnt out. That is an actual criteria of diagnosis.
Daniella Cornue:So these are people that are like going to their therapist and talking about this, and this is how we're like tracking this information, like yeah, this is a mental health thing.
Jess Feldt:Yes, it is an actual mental health thing for working parents and I think it's really important for us to talk about it, to be able to I don't know like de-stigmatize is the right word here but to be able to say, hey, this is a real thing, how do we talk about it and what do we do about it, or maybe how do we take it seriously?
Daniella Cornue:Yeah, again, because, as we just said, it's like almost like, haha, this is just burnout. This is just how we are, and I mean I'm just joking, I started joking about it right off the bat right, it's like a defense mechanism that we've built for ourselves to be able to process how much we are balancing and carrying. I mean, I talk about, I talk again, just talk about this in the research that I do as well, because we take a look at this as parents return to work. Right, most of my kids that are enrolled at Le Village Co-Work is, are parents of babies and toddlers, and so most of these parents are going to work for the first time, trying to figure out how to create that balance within their lives. And so, you know, we talk about working moms as an option.
Daniella Cornue:Right, half of working moms take an extended break beyond their maternity leave allowance because they just don't know how to go back to work without feeling completely overwhelmed or completely out of balance. And so it becomes this this fire point for them where it's like I don't know what to do with myself, so I'm just going to quit, you know, and this is what we're seeing. It's kind of. It's kind of this like epidemic. I feel like it's this huge problem where women especially because if we're forced to choose between our families and our work life, we're almost always going to choose our families and if we can and this is what's causing some of these other problems it kind of trickles down into a lot of other things, because women are just leaving the workforce.
Jess Feldt:Yeah, absolutely that was my story. I, when I had my oldest son, when I had Caleb, I went back to work. For I went back to work when he was four months old and was back at work for about nine months when I hit a breaking point.
Jess Feldt:I was working really demanding hours. I had a newborn still at home, right, if you want to think about it, he was four months when I went back. It was only barely a year when I ended up leaving. That is still like really baby years, where they need a lot of your time, a lot of your attention.
Jess Feldt:My husband at the time was traveling for work every other week, so I was kind of the solo parent at home every other week and I hit this point where I just said I can't do this anymore. I broke, I cannot even tell you how many times I broke down in tears at work just because the stress at work, combined with just my exhaustion level, I could not do it and I decided it's not worth it. It is not worth it. I'm going to leave. I'm going to be a stay at home mom because I had just it could not have. I had nothing else to give. I had nothing else to give and at the time I don't think I knew was burned out at the time, I think I just was so, not even aware. And I think that's what happens a lot, right, you're just so tired, you're so exhausted, you're just in it. You're not thinking I'm burnt out.
Daniella Cornue:You're just in it. Well, and I think that, like again, when the narrative around us, right, when the narrative is like oh, you're just a new parent and this is, this is to be expected, and does parenting get easier in your, in your opinion and perspective as your kids get older, or does it just get different?
Jess Feldt:I mean, everybody has a different take on this, everyone's going to have a different take. As the parent of a five year old going on 16 year old, no. Right, it gets different, doesn't get easier, right.
Daniella Cornue:And so I think that like this. But the narrative, especially around newborn mothers from more experienced mothers or more experienced parents, is that, oh well, this is you know, you'll get used to it. Basically, just get used to this. This is your new life welcome. Yeah, you know, and I'm not really sure how helpful that actually is.
Jess Feldt:Oh yeah not at all, not at all. But I want to take a step back here because we're talking a lot about burnout I mentioned. It's a real diagnosis classified by the World Health Organization. It's in ICD- 10, which is kind of the Bible, if you will, of psychological or mental health disorders. But what is it Like if you're listening to this? Like am I burnt out? Here's the three different pieces of criteria. Is one feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion. Two, increased mental distance or negativity or cynicism. So that's kind of like you just feel like detached, like I kind of just stopped caring or everything is negative, just a cynic about everything. That's really what that means there, that mental distance. And then three, reduced efficacy, and efficacy being just your ability to perform, your ability to show up your resilience Really.
Daniella Cornue:And I think that you know even my story right. I also I went back to work, I did my baby, I went back to work like you were supposed to, and I cried every day. I cried every day on the train in, I cried every day and lots of, just a lot of feelings. But, like, I think what really did it for me, what made me kind of made make a different choice for myself and define a different life for myself, was definitely this breaking point of being like I'm not showing up anywhere. I'm literally I am not showing up as a mom. I am phoning it in over here and I am not showing up at work and I am phoning in and over here and I care about both of these things so much, but I feel so stretched then that I'm not showing up anywhere. And so I think that that is something that really resonated with me.
Daniella Cornue:Out of those three because I think I mean again exhaustion, everyone's like that we can talk about. This is something I actually have been thinking a lot about about like how do we overcome the opportunity, the opportunities for exhaustion? I think that's a different podcast, but the exhaustion I think most people be like oh yeah, I'm exhausted. I think the other two are where it gets like kind of interesting, like the numbness that can come from being so exhausted and so pulled in so many different directions. And then on the counter side of that, the just like I, I'm literally not doing anything now because I'm not, because I'm not, how do you, how do you act? No right.
Jess Feldt:No, and I think the key, and especially with the exhaustion piece, is like the idea of it being chronic, like yeah, a lot of this is like, well, I'm exhausted I think he's going through a sleep regression, or I'm exhausted they're teaching, or I'm exhausted. This, if it's a point in time that you're exhausted, exhausted that is different from this idea of chronic exhaustion, chronic depletion of your energy, where it's a bit of that like day after day after day, you just wake up, you just your body has not been able to rest and you are just chronically exhausted. And that's what a lot of this leads to. Right, it's chronic stress. It's chronic stress which really prevents your ability to show up, to be present, to do what you want to do, have motivation and to be able to navigate the ups and downs of life, because your tolerance for that has just been completely white.
Daniella Cornue:Well, and again you know like it just like becomes like a trigger point for people, but they have no rope to, they have an empty bank. I guess it's a better, like a better metaphor the cup is empty.
Jess Feldt:The cup is empty, the cup is completely empty.
Daniella Cornue:Well, I think your cup is completely empty. How are you then responding to things? I actually talk about this a lot with my therapist sometimes where she's like your emotional bank is empty, and when your emotional bank, when you're scraping the bottom of your emotional bank, then your first reaction is always going to be poisonous towards someone else because there's you don't have that capital. You know it's like if you've got a full emotional bank, you might be able to be like, okay, put past that one through. When you're scraping the bottom of that, you're immediately the first thing that's going to come out of your mouth is going to be negative or yelling, or like frustrated, either with your partner, with your coworkers or, worse, with your kids that don't understand what's going on, and with yourself.
Jess Feldt:Right, yeah, absolutely, and also with yourself. You're so much more critical when you're self critical. Yeah, when you've reached that point as well, and that's like a spiral thing of shame, right.
Daniella Cornue:What is that trigger? You know what is that trigger If you're constantly telling yourself like I'm not good enough, I can't handle it, or I am less than or. I mean, what is that? What else, you know? What other mental health things as this kicking off. Right,in post partum depression, you know, anxiety, yep, all of this, all of this is going to be triggered by all of these pieces.
Jess Feldt:Yeah, so that's what, it is Right? I think we probably all relate to that, yeah, in a certain way or form. As I said, two thirds of working parents meet the criteria for this. Yeah, so how did we get here?
Daniella Cornue:Do you want my opinion? Yes, my opinion is that we got here in this like women can have it all and do all of the things, phase in the like the 19,. You know 80s, 1990s, where it was like we were just grateful to be included in the workforce and we're like but I can still show up as mom and I can still show up here and I can, I can do it all. I am, you know, I'm every woman and I think that that actually is not not a narrative that I would subscribe to this as a millennial mother, like, no, I do not want to be every woman. I would like to be your woman, but not my woman but not every woman you know.
Daniella Cornue:And so I think that, like, coming back around to the idea of like self discovery is so important, like who do you want to be, what do you want to do Doesn't have to be defined by other people. So that's my opinion, I think that, like that's, that's a big part of how we got here.
Jess Feldt:Yeah, and I would say, stacked on top of what we talked about last time, is this really individualistic culture where we don't have the support systems to then help families and help mothers? So not only are you trying to do it all, but you're trying to do it all all by yourself. Yeah, and that's why, when you look at research, you look at studies, there are higher rates of burnout, and not just parental burnout, but all burnout, like, if you just look across the population, there are higher rates of burnout in Western cultures or individualistic cultures than there are in co-optivist cultures.
Daniella Cornue:Oh, absolutely. And again, like our culture we do not know how to prioritize rest. We do not even know what rest is. I really feel like you know, if your version of rest is like, oh, I put the kids on to bed and then I'm trying to key into a TV show and that's rest, I would challenge that Like is that rest? We know that it's actually not restful. This is why we limited in our children, right, because it's over stimulating and it's all these different things. So are you ever letting your brain like disconnect and rest? Are we? I don't know. So I think that that's something, too, that like is so hard in a Western culture as well.
Daniella Cornue:We don't prioritize rest, we don't prioritize that..
Jess Feldt:True self care. Right, I will say right, you can look at it as an industry. Self care is a very big industry. Yes, or go get a massage and you know, go shopping and wine, like, drink your wine, and that's self care, and get your nails done. But it's not real self care.
Daniella Cornue:Well, and I think that it can be so individualized again, going back to like everybody's a little bit different right and how they. So I guess my question for our listeners would be do you know how you rest? Do you know yourself well enough to know how you recharge? Because I don't know that people really think about that.
Jess Feldt:Well, and I think I come up sometimes. I fall into the habit of sometimes, at the end of the day, where I feel like I have nothing left to get. I just like sit on the couch and I'll watch TV, I'll scroll my phone, yeah, right, yeah, I think what I've had to come to realize that's not actually rest it's avoidance, it's it's I like. It's not that I'm resting and recharging, it's just that I'm avoiding any sort of thoughts of any sort of thing and I just like I'm numbing out yeah, you're pigeonholing your brain, right, right, I am numbing out to it and just avoiding. And I'll say, like, to a certain extent that serves me, yeah, but it's not true, rest, right, it's not true, rest, it's just avoid it so that I can say like, let me turn off enough that I can eventually fall asleep. Right, but I'm not really recharging any buckets.
Daniella Cornue:No, you're not filling any cups. You're not filling any cups. Do you know how you fill your cups?
Jess Feldt:I do. Reading for me really fills my cup. It's different than watching TV or numbing, like. I just feel like there's something really restorative about sitting in quiet, wrapped in a blanket Even if it's summer, I don't care, I'll still have a blanket around me and just reading a book that I could just appreciate and just, I don't know like melt into the story. Yeah, that's really restorative for me. And travel is really restorative for me. Why do you think that travel is restorative for you. I have my reasons. Yeah, I know we both love travel and so this is something we relate on a lot. For me, it's breaking out of the routine, it's being able to stop the routine of the every single day and getting out there and doing something new and trying new things, and it's just yeah, it's just really restorative for me.
Daniella Cornue:I can relate so much to that For me. I have trouble compartmentalizing and transitioning, so I need it to be almost like a big choice. In order to fully be present, which is pivotal for me, that is pivotal to my best, I need to be able to be present. I have ADHD. I have a brain that is constantly in a hundred different places, which is why I don't watch TV, which is because I generally some people can like watch TV and also be doing X Y Z. I cannot do that. I am like either all in or all out. There is no like I turn into a hyper focused. It gets like crazy, and so I know that about myself and work really hard.
Daniella Cornue:I have been working really hard to find true rest for me, which is all about being present. So how can I be present? For me, like, turning off the hundred voices in my head is. I think that's actually why a lot of people tune into like TV and do whatever else, because, as you said, it's like you really, you really want to turn those things off. What I don't want to go all the way to is numbness. I want to learn and I don't think I have the answers to this yet. This is something that, like this is my goal this year is to learn how to be present.
Daniella Cornue:For me, like music, like is something that makes me. It makes me beyond one wavelength, which is really hard for me, and so just having like headphones on with music is something I do a lot. Now I have to have busy hands. That is something that, like I know about myself. I need to have like busyness in my hands. So I'm baking a lot of bread right now because it's like it's active enough that you're engaged, but a lot of it is like just waiting for it to rise and like whatever else. So there's space in between that art, like there's not to be good art, right, but just like painting watercolors, doing stuff like that allows me to like be present.
Daniella Cornue:Yeah, and my favorite days, frankly, is just like one on one time with someone, one you know. A lot of like. Social gatherings now have a lot of people or a lot of things going on typically, but like being able to spend one on one time, even if it's with my daughter. I find my daughter to be very restorative, without the chaos of like the schedule and 100 people and all these expectations of running her around. You know, just going to get a coffee and walking to the corner with her, watching her skip down the street and getting you know order something that she really likes. I find that very restorative and very true to rest for me, and I think that that. But I think that there are people that are like, oh my God, no, I need to get away from my children and I do not want to be with my children to rest. So I think that that's my challenge. For anybody that's listening, it's like how do you rest?
Jess Feldt:Yeah, really. But here's the question you always get then Well, I don't have time for that, right, and I think there is a truth that needs to be confronted at some point that you have to make time for it. It has to be a priority, because if it is not, the opposite side of it is this burnout. The opposite side of it is then you are exhausted and depleted. You do not have the resilience to be able to handle the ups and downs when something goes wrong. It's going to kind of snap you because you don't have that. And so we all have the same amount of time in a day, right, we all have 24 hours in a day. God, I wish there were more sometimes. Sometimes I wish there was less, but we all have the same amount of day and we have to prioritize for rest. We have to. There, almost, is no other alternatives, unless you're, just like I'm, accepting burnout then,
Daniella Cornue:You know, some people rest by working out. Yeah, do not rest. That's my husband. I wish I rested by working out, but I do not. But some people do, and this gentleman, I think they're called Lean Squad and he they have twin boys and another son and I love their account. It's very funny. It is a little bit of this like fantasy chaos, that's kind of what they portray. But at the end of it he's always like listen, everybody's. I think what they're trying to normalize on their account is like it's everyone's crazy. Look, have you seen my life? It's bonkers, but I still make time for me. I still make time for rest.
Daniella Cornue:And they posted recently and it really stuck with me was like everyone says they're willing to die for their children. Right, we all say that. Are you willing to live for your child? Because how much life are you taking off? How, how much that? That, the snippiness and the. You know just the way that we fray at the edges Because you're not taking space for yourself. Like, what is that giving you? You know, what is that? What is that coming back around to? And we're making ourselves sick.
Jess Feldt:Yeah, I mean, stress absolutely leads to sickness. I mean, if you want to talk about burnout, you want to talk about not only just the stress, but then a lot of times people adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms. Yeah, like mommy wine culture or like social media could probably be lumped in there too.
Jess Feldt:It's like an unhealthy coping mechanism right Over eating sweets, junk food, probably anything else that could negatively impact your health, that you're like, but this is my outlet, right, right, this is the one thing it gets out. This is my one thing, this is my coping mechanism that I had, and so I love what you just said there about, like, what are you willing to do to live or be a lot, I don't know Be present yeah.
Jess Feldt:Be present. I'm messing up the words here, but how can you reframe that essentially right To say that taking time for rest is not selfish, but it actually is serving those that you love the most? 100%?
Daniella Cornue:100%. I think, like some of it is boundary setting, which I think is incredibly difficult for, really for everyone. I think this goes across the board and I think that that is scary for people because they're afraid. Whatever it is. It could be boundary setting with your friends that you want to show up for. It could be boundary setting with your family, that is, and by family I mean, like your, maybe your extended family that is expecting. It could be boundary setting at work. Oh yeah, you know, just say no, it's okay. I say this all the time, like it's okay to say no, remember, like that you hold the power.
Jess Feldt:I'm actually reading a book right now for the book club that I'm in that is called the Power of a Positive no. Ooh, I love it. So it's the power of a positive no how to say no and still get to yes. Okay, by William Ury. I might be saying that last name incorrectly, it's U-R-Y, but essentially it is how do you say no but you're using no to get what you want?
Daniella Cornue:And to, and something that's beneficial for all. I think that that is something that people forget, right, when they set a boundary or they say no at work. You know, no, I'm sorry, I can't work until six o'clock. I have to pick my kids up at this time and I am not gonna feel guilty about it. I am not gonna carry that. This is your life, this is your whole life. Why, why does that feel so bad for people? Why do we start to like eat that up later and we're gonna talk about this on our next episode, I think. But I also think that, like, here's the other side of it. Right, you stress yourself that then you don't say no, then you're burnt out, and then you're, you know, a year from now you wanna quit or you wanna change careers, or you become resentful. You start you know again, maybe it's not work, maybe it's your family. You start to become resentful, you start fighting with people. What's gonna happen if you don't set your boundary, if you don't say no, don't create space for yourself?
Jess Feldt:Yeah, so we're touching on a little bit, but I wanna sum it up here because we've really navigated to like what do we do about it? Right, we talked about what it is.
Daniella Cornue:Right.
Jess Feldt:We talked about how to get here, and now we're really at this point of so what do we do about it? And so I wanna suggest four things that we can do, or that our listeners can do, that are not overly time consuming things. And I think that's important, right, because it is we are saying you have to find time for a rest, and let's think about how we can do that in really tangible, small, step-by-step ways. And the first is really to find a safe space to share your community, that when you are feeling stressed, when you are feeling really burnt out, you know you have that safe space to be able to kind of vent out those emotions without the fear of shame or judgment. I mean, you and I have that. We have a text chain that, oh man, if someone else was reading it that wasn't us, they'd be like, wow, you all hate your family.
Daniella Cornue:But it's not it's a i! safe space.
Jess Feldt:It's not that at all. It's a safe space that we know that we can come to to share when we hit that point, that we can let off some of that seam without feeling shame or judgment, and that's really important. Two is to identify a healthy outlet and I mean we've talked about that between some of these unhealthy coping mechanisms it's hard to just say stop doing things. Oh yeah, it's easier to say what would I replace that with? I did an exercise.
Daniella Cornue:This was how I stopped watching TV and again, I'm not suggesting that people stop watching TV. Some people really love it and that's the way they connect with their partner. If that's the way for me, it was like recognizing that I needed to set a boundary around that. I did a breakdown of my day. I wrote how many hours I was spending on each individual thing, because I was really struggling to find space to fit the things that I really wanted to fit in, and I found I was spending like three hours a night watching TV. What could I replace even an hour of that with? That feels better for me. So I think that that's really an interesting point there.
Jess Feldt:Yeah, I think for me. I started thinking about wine especially. I think I got into over COVID or really bad habit with that, because no one was leaving the house, no one was doing anything and all of a sudden we can't like it's Thursday, that means it's Friday Junior, and then it was like, oh, it's Friday, it's Friday, and then it's Sunday and it's like all of a sudden it was like more nights than not. I was having wine with dinner and started thinking about let me replace that with another drink. That still feels like oh, I get to enjoy this moment, but without the thing that's making me feel bad.
Daniella Cornue:The next day and I honestly like girl, as I get a little bit older, I'm like two glasses of wine would give me a headache. So you and I have talked about this, but I really cut back on that way to bit myself, just because it was really starting to affect my health overall and the way I was sleeping. And so maybe as a joint to this episode and kind of on our social media, we can post some of our favorite mocktails and things like that, because I'm a big person too, or like I like that celebratory cap on the day. I need it. That is a way that I do give myself space to reflect on the day. Having a drink at the end of the day with my husband is a ritual of ours and I didn't want to get rid of that ritual so I replaced it. We have not tea because it just didn't do it for me, but I found a lot of really good non-alcoholic wines that I like quite a bit oh great, all right.
Jess Feldt:So next one, number three, what we got? This one takes a little bit more reflection, but is probably the most impactful, which is to pay attention to your mindset, and specifically, when I'm talking about this, when you find yourself being really hyper critical of yourself, because the thing that helps prevent burnout personally for me, other than rest the most, I think, is the ability to be resilient. And when we are really hyper critical of ourself, we've lost that ability to be resilient. And so really thinking about this idea of self-compassion as like a mindset, right, so really kind of paying attention. And if you're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I forgot that it was the 100th day of school and I didn't make the cape. How could I do this? I'm a terrible parent. And spiraling in that negativity, right, instead of being like stop, I made a mistake, how did I do this? Oh, I missed that email. Okay, this is what I'll do next time.
Daniella Cornue:Moving on, great well, and again I speak that I think this happens a lot. You know it's hard when you are juggling as many things as working parents are juggling and working mothers are juggling, it can get really you kind of forget stuff You're going to. I was late for pick up yesterday. Just I totally had a medical, medical procedure in the morning and was not feeling myself and Was I just Distracted. And I looked up and it was 3:20 pickups at 3:15 at the latest, and I Called Nate and I started to do this thing and I know this of myself again, I, I know myself pretty well.
Daniella Cornue:I was like definitely death spiraling quickly. And he was like, hey, because I was like already in the car, right, I was off. And he was like I will call the school and you are not a bad mother and it's five minutes away and you will be a little bit late and it will. It happens right, like it. Just it happens. Yeah, right, and I Can sit around and beat myself up because I forgot my kid. I didn't forget I'd lost track of time, right, um, I wasn't myself, but instead I'm choosing to get myself grace, exactly just like right instead, exactly, and that is probably one of the most impactful things that you can do.
Jess Feldt:It's super hard. I'm not gonna say it's easy, right, but it's such like a mental thing of taking a look at our mindset and stopping that hyper criticism of ourselves and being like spiral, right, the death spiral, as you say and stopping me like, okay, mid-mistake, that sucks, right, um, oops, let's move on here. Right, I am not a bad person because I did this. I'm not a bad mother, I'm not doing it on purpose.
Jess Feldt:Right, like yeah, okay. And so here's number four. Well, it's like yeah, absolutely, I go off this 100%. Yeah it's. I cannot even tell you how many studies have proven that just going inside and taking a walk, yeah, he's so good for your best.
Daniella Cornue:Yeah, I, I mean, and I know it's hard, you know, and pulled. I'm not a cold weather person. Honestly, I like to look at it from the inside.
Jess Feldt:grew up in Southern California.
Daniella Cornue:Yeah, questionable, but I do believe, like I always feel better after I'm outside, I do always feel better I so, yeah, I think that's lovely.
Jess Feldt:Give me, give me the four points one more time, just for our listeners find a safe space to share, identify a healthy outlet, pay attention to your mindset and go outside. Yeah, I think this is all.
Daniella Cornue:These are all amazing points and hopefully they're helpful. And again, like I think that you know, my, my challenge to listeners would just be how do you reset and recharge? And really understand that about yourself. You know, and Take a big, deep dive. Do a journal.
Daniella Cornue:You know I like to journal to look at my journal like that's another way that I reset, so whatever. That is like that, apart for yourself, because you may think that you're Resting and resetting but are you? And then you find out maybe you're not doing it and introducing a different Way that that could change everything for you.
Jess Feldt:Yeah, this is The Tight rope: Career, Motherhood and Everything in Between. Dani, what's your in between, what's something that's going on for you, something you're excited about?
Daniella Cornue:Um, I honestly just you're gonna be really proud of me. It kind of goes back into this episode. I set my work for the year as enjoy and I'm really focused on trying I I have the tendency to bite off more than I can chew, or not even more than I can chew, but just like with, I've got chipmunk cheeks all the time, like you know. So my goal this year is just to enjoy instead of taking more on, to enjoy what I've built and how it feels, and I've really been making some active decisions to be in that space and I'm really proud myself.
Jess Feldt:Yeah, so funny, my everything in between was gonna be my word of the year too and we did not say come on that, do it, tell me, tell me, tell me. Um. So my word of the year is purpose and I Really it's kind of maybe a combination of like purpose and focus and I think they're really connected for me, that I want everything that I'm doing this year to have a real this I did for me to know why I'm doing it and for it to really it's gonna be taking up my time and my energy. It better have a real good reason on why it is right. And so I guess, combined with that, this idea of I want to be really Focused then on what that is and really be able to move things forward and not be distracted and take on like a little bit. So we said take on so many things that nothing really has a purpose or focus to it.
Daniella Cornue:Absolutely. I think that's lovely. Well, high fives to word of the year, girls. And you know for for those of you that are listening, that don't know what that is. You know, maybe we'll post some supporting material about so laughing. Your word of the year.
Jess Feldt:That's really like intention.
Daniella Cornue:Yeah, what do you call your?
Jess Feldt:intention.
Daniella Cornue:Thank you all so much for joining us today on the tightrope. We know you really are juggling a thousand things and it means a lot to us that you listen in. If you liked this episode, make sure you follow and subscribe to us on your favorite streaming networks and, of course, if you know a mom that needs to hear this, or a dad or anybody else, share us. Join us next time as we talk about co-worker guilt and how you can process these feelings and be present both at home and at work.
Jess Feldt:We talk so much about Mom guilt, right, this idea of the guilt that we take on when we are mothers Because we have all these other things that we feel like we need to be doing and we're not showing up as mothers the way that me, there, we think we should be, the way that we want to be right. I think what we talk about Not enough, or that we don't acknowledge is the opposite side of that. For working mothers is Co-worker guilt. Yeah, when we used to show up in a certain way at work before we had kids. Or we think there's a certain way we should be showing up now, but because of the responsibilities that we have at home as mothers, we can't, and so we feel guilty to our coworkers. We feel guilty that we can't show up the way that we want to at work, and I think it's just as important for us to acknowledge that as we do this other side, this mom guilt, yeah, I think.
Daniella Cornue:Co-worker guilt is a real thing, and that's next time. So until then, just put one foot in front of the other. Thanks, guys.
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