Family Disappeared

“Healing from the Inside Out” - with Inner Child Specialist Jen Peters Part 1 - Episode 96

• Lawrence Joss

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In this conversation, Jen Peters, an inner child expert, discusses the significance of inner child work in healing trauma and understanding adult behaviors. The dialogue explores how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, the empowerment found in healing, and the importance of recognizing and addressing deep-seated wounds. The conversation also touches on parental alienation, estrangement, and the role of parents in influencing their children's emotional well-being. Jen emphasizes the need for self-love and reparenting as essential components of the healing journey.

Key Takeaways

  • Most struggles in adulthood stem from childhood events.
  • Inner child work connects us with parts of ourselves needing support.
  • Healing is an empowerment process, not about blame.
  • Patterns in relationships often reflect childhood wounds.
  • Access points for inner child work include therapy and self-guided practices.
  • Multiple inner children can exist, each carrying different traumas.
  • Healing trauma can lead to emotional detachment from past events.
  • Parental relationships significantly influence children's emotional health.
  • Womb trauma can have lasting effects on individuals.
  • Self-love is crucial for healing and empowerment.

Chapters

00:00 - Understanding Inner Child Work
02:55 - The Impact of Childhood on Adulthood
05:46 - Empowerment Through Inner Child Healing
09:04 - Patterns in Relationships and Responsibility
11:51 - Access Points for Inner Child Work
15:07 - Exploring Different Stages of Inner Child
17:56 - Healing Trauma and Emotional Responses
21:08 - The Role of Parents in Shaping Wounds
23:54 - Navigating Parental Alienation and Estrangement
27:00 - The Depth of Womb Trauma
30:08 - The Spiritual Aspect of Healing
33:00 - Reparenting and Self-Love

If you wish to connect with Lawrence Joss or any of the PA-A community members who have appeared as guests on the podcast:

Email-      familydisappeared@gmail.com

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/lawrencejoss

(All links mentioned in the podcast are available in Linktree)

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This podcast is made possible by the Family Disappeared Team:
Anna Johnson- Editor/Contributor/Activist/Co-host
Glaze Gonzales- Podcast Manager

Connect with Lawrence Joss:
Website: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/
Email- familydisappeared@gmail.com

Speaker 1:

You'll find that most of the time, whatever it is that you're struggling with in adulthood whether it's dysfunctional cycles, toxic relationships, feeling like you're not good enough or low self-worth whatever it happens to be in adulthood, you'll find that it nearly always is going to come back to either a series of events or one big event as a child.

Speaker 2:

There was a time in my life when I was overwhelmed and underwater. Those days are the inspiration for this podcast. This is by far the ultimate healing journey for all of us. Healing ourselves emotionally, spiritually and physically is paramount to this journey. From this place of grounding, we can all go out into the world and change all our interactions and relationships. We can engage people from an integrated and resourced place. This is a journey of coming home to ourselves. In today's episode we'll start to explore some of these issues. Let's begin the healing journey today. Welcome to the Family Disappeared podcast. Hi, my name is Lawrence Joss and welcome to the Family Disappeared podcast. Hi, my name is Lawrence Joss and welcome to the Family Disappeared podcast.

Speaker 2:

Today we have a treat for you. We have Jen Peters out of New Zealand and she is an inner child expert. And the whole conversation about our inner child work, how the inner child traumas are present in our family systems for ourselves and our kids, and how this manifests in relationship to parental alienation, estrangement, erasure whatever word you want to use is super, super cool. It's a super great conversation and I loved having it. And in the second part of the episode, jen is going to make a super sweet, free offer to everyone in the community. So make sure you check that out and we will get that information out to you if you're interested in what she's offering. And again, what a wonderful conversation. If you're new to the community, welcome.

Speaker 2:

We have a bunch of great resources in the show notes, including Jen's from this particular show, but there's also a link for Parental Alienation Anonymous, which is a free 12-step program that helps support parents, grandparents, children like young adults, children that are recovering from some form of estrangement or alienation, and it's a wonderful, loving community and it's a great foundation to start to reclaim yourself. And as we're talking about the inner child work, it's an empowerment model where you can actually do the work. You don't need to have a professional helping you do the work with a 12-step program. You know professionals help support some of your inner personal growth, but it's an empowerment program. And then inner child work is an empowerment program too, and I'm so excited for you to listen to what Jen has to say and the resources that she's offering.

Speaker 2:

And just to remind everyone, we are a 501c3 nonprofit. Everything we do is free and will remain free and accessible to everyone, and if you do have some resources, we could use some additional resources to help us continue to bring this stuff to you for free and also expand some of these conversations, offer trainings and other resources to people to go hand in hand with some of these podcasts. That's something we really love to do. I remember when I started with my somatic therapist and they were talking about inner child work and I'm like what you know, that has nothing to do with what's going on in my life. I'm going through a divorce, my kids aren't talking to me, I'm struggling, I don't know what to do. Like I don't care about my inner child. I want to talk about what's happening today in my life, and I did therapy for a long time before I came to inner child work and I was always talking about what was happening, what was going on.

Speaker 2:

This person did that, I did this. This is the problem. We resolve it. Then I come back the next week, I'm okay, the next week I'm not okay. But I never actually got to the traumas. I never actually got to the wounds because I didn't even know they existed.

Speaker 2:

And inner child work opened up my whole universe and I started tending to some of my really really old wounds. And in tending to my old wounds I learned how to have boundaries. And that sounds weird, because we're all practicing having boundaries. But if I can't identify some of those original wounds where there were no boundaries in my family of origin or when I was in vitro, when I was in my mom's belly, like I can't take that out and bring it out to my full life. And by identifying these things through inner child work, I have integrated them and I am the best parent that I've ever been.

Speaker 2:

Even though I don't have contact with my kids, at least I can understand my wounds, so I can understand what they're going through too. And it's life-changing, and Jen has some wonderful, wonderful stuff to offer. And that is definitely enough out of me. Let's see what Jen has to say so, jen, we are so excited to have you on the show today, and for anyone out there that is not familiar with Jen Peters, I'm going to give you an opportunity just to introduce yourself to the community, jen, so please go ahead.

Speaker 1:

Thank you. Thank you so much, Honestly, it is so exciting to be here. This has been in the planning for a little while, so thank you for having me. So I am Jen Arai-Peters. I am a visionary inner child healer and I support people to heal their inner child trauma. I've got a fairly large healing community, primarily on Instagram, where I like to share a lot of information around what different inner child wounds can look like and how we can actually begin healing them. So thank you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for that, as children and actually in particular around about until the age of about seven years old.

Speaker 1:

That's where a lot of our programs are actually formed and they become the foundations and the rules that we live our life by in adulthood.

Speaker 1:

So you'll find that most of the time, whatever it is that you're struggling with in adulthood whether it's dysfunctional cycles, toxic relationships, feeling like you you know that you're not good enough or low self-worth. Whatever it happens to be in adulthood you'll find that it nearly always is going to come back to either a series of events or one big event as a child. And so when we do the inner child work, we are actually connecting with those beautiful little inner children, those little parts of you who didn't have the support and the love and the guidance that they needed at that time when they felt this particular event. Now I will say as well, oftentimes the events don't actually have to be that big. Sometimes it's actually everyday stuff that is happening in our homes and very normal or good families, you know. So sometimes we'll look back and think, oh, I don't remember anything bad happening, but it doesn't have to be big. Oftentimes it's actually what we would consider normal parenting.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for that and I would think the audience and myself. Before I came to inner child work, my first question was like I'm having a problem today. I'm getting a divorce today. Why would I go back and look at any of my inner child work? Why would I take all those steps back? Can you just give a quick explanation how the present kind of relates to the past and maybe a couple of behaviors that might pop up in a divorce that would be related to kind of like inner child and older work for folks.

Speaker 1:

Sure. So the patterns that we form like specifically around divorce, it depends, honestly, actually how you got to the divorce. Perhaps that would probably be the key information. But if you're going through a divorce, you're going through tremendous change. At that particular time, you'll find that there will be certain events that happened in childhood.

Speaker 1:

Just say, for example, the first thing that comes to mind is infidelity. Say that there was infidelity in your relationship or your marriage and it continued coming up again and again and this is what's causing the divorce. If you're not the one actually involved in the betrayal, you're on the receiving end of this. There's every chance that possibly you might have experienced betrayal when you were younger. Also, there's every chance that you may now throwing these labels out here.

Speaker 1:

So just a little bit of grace around this. It might not fit exactly, but if we've been in a relationship where this is happening time and time again and we're still in that relationship, that's telling us that we've probably got some abandonment trauma. We are not wanting to step away from the relationship, or we might have perhaps low self-worth or feeling not good enough and it's keeping us bonded to this particular relationship or, in this case, marriage. So as we go through the ending of that marriage. However that's come about, that gives us an opportunity to actually look at there's some pretty bad stuff going on for quite a long time, like what part of me was causing me to stay, what part of me was allowing me to accept this type of behavior. So that's where it will come back to childhood. I don't know if that's clear enough.

Speaker 2:

I think that's a wonderful example. And I also want to ask you this like inner child, work is an empowerment work. It's not like, hey, we're damaged and have all these broken things. We're actually going back and healing something that happened as a child so we can be more integrated as an adult. So this is actually a work and an offering of empowerment, would you say you agree with that?

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, and the beautiful thing is is that if we're wanting to change what's going on in our life at that particular time, the change is not outside of us. The change is inside of us. So I feel like there could be nothing more empowering to actually have everything that you need inside of you to actually make the changes that you need to make to be able to bring your life into alignment. It's incredibly empowering. It's not until you start to experience these shifts that you really start to actually recognize how empowering it actually is.

Speaker 2:

That's beautiful and we have a lot of community members that are part of like a 12-step recovery program, which is also an empowerment program.

Speaker 2:

Like we start to work on this stuff and we start to learn about ourselves and we start to be able to change, and we need professionals at times to help us, but it's also we can do this work, too, on a continuous basis with ourself, and I just want to share this a little bit for anyone out there that's struggling with alienation, estrangement, whatever it looks like.

Speaker 2:

When I married my wife, I married her because I had to take care of her in a certain way and regulate her nervous system and my inner child wound is. I used to do that for my mother, so I picked a partner that I did the same thing because it felt familiar and it felt like love and I think this is really important in the inner child work is. I'm noticing that and I'm also taking responsibility for my part in the family system. So can you talk about a little bit of like taking responsibility when we're in this crazy situations that seem insane and we don't have any kind of part in it? How does the inner child work kind of like integrate into that where we can actually see our little piece or big piece or whatever it is, and take responsibility for that and start the healing.

Speaker 1:

That's such a beautiful example and thank you for sharing, and it's so relevant to so many people as well. In this case, what also would have been happening is that your beautiful little inner children, who were caring for mom, you know, when they were small, they are recreating the same scenario now in adulthood, because this time, maybe this time, if they could just get it right, or if they could make sure her needs are fully met, or their needs are fully met, then maybe my needs will be met. So that's what's happening underneath. And so, in terms of the taking responsibility, it's not about blame, and I also want to say as well that I truly believe I've done over 12,000 hours of specifically this work, and I truly believe that I don't think anybody gets out of childhood without having some of these wounds. This is part of being human, so please know that you're not damaged or there's something wrong with you. This is part of the human experience, so our invitation is to dive in and heal this.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think that's really beautiful that you acknowledge that that we're all human and we're having this experience and we're struggling and, as we bump into different obstacles in our life, that there is a place to go back to. And I think when I used to do just talk therapy, we used to talk what was happening in the present and it felt like I was just going around in circles and circles and circles and I came to inner child work through somatic therapy Like what are the different access points to inner child work, or is it just specifically with a person that's specializing in that?

Speaker 1:

That's a really great question actually. So when you say different points, so are you asking whether somebody needs to specifically see somebody, a practitioner, in this space, or the other ways that they can do it?

Speaker 2:

Well, it sounds like 12,000 hours is a lot of hours to have specific experience within a child work. That sounds like a superhero, right, and there's different layers, that you can be with a regular therapist and ask for access to that, maybe a hypnotherapist, maybe in groups. I'm just asking, in your experience, what are some useful access points for people to have access to this kind of work?

Speaker 1:

Perfect. I think that this is becoming well. Actually, all types of healing and therapy are becoming so much more mainstream now, so there will be many different access points. There are books around inner child healing. I just wrote my first book last year, Coming Home to the Path to your Inner Child, so there are very specific steps in there that will actually guide you through actually connecting with your inner child. I know right now I'm actually running Reconnecting with your Inner Child free Masterclass series, so there will be others like that around.

Speaker 1:

You can also access inner child healing. A lot of therapists do offer inner child healing and I know that other healers offer this also. There is a lot of free resources around that will absolutely get you started. I will say and I don't know what your view is on this but one of the things I've noticed with a lot of my clients that come to me that they've done a lot of different therapies and it has been helpful, but often it's not always reaching the actual core, like the foundation of the trauma, and that can also be where we go around and think my gosh, I'm doing all this work, I'm doing everything right, but why am I still feeling triggered?

Speaker 1:

Why is it still happening. So oftentimes a lot of modalities aren't quite going deep enough, so you really want to get down to the core if you can, and that's where you might wish to either work with somebody for a short time and actually learn how to do this, or perhaps through digital courses. I've got a year-long mentorship that is about to start, in a month, which will be guiding people through. So there are a lot of different access ways. It really depends what resonates most with you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah we're talking about the access and, just so everyone knows, everything that Jen is talking about is going to be in the show notes. We're going to put links to any new courses she has coming up. We'll put a link to her new book that she just wrote. So there's a lot of information that will be put out there. And I'm curious, like we're talking about inner child work, but like within the scope of inner child work and what you do, is there like the inner young child, the inner teenager, the inner in-betweener? What does that look like? Are you addressing different parts and pieces when you're doing inner child?

Speaker 1:

work or just before, seven and younger. So for me personally and I can't speak for others and how they do their work but for me I'm always going in through well, not always most of the time I'll go in through a trigger. So I'll be speaking with my client, we'll find out what issues they're actually having and then, when they speak about that particular issue, it is going to bring up a trigger for them and then I will guide them to their inner child through that specific trigger. So we're not choosing who we're going to work with. We're actually going straight to the part of them that's sitting underneath the problem that they're now experiencing.

Speaker 1:

But I will say, most of the time the children, they are under nine years old. Occasionally they are teenagers and sometimes they're adults. But the truth is it doesn't actually matter, like for me, the way that I do my healing work. We're dissolving the trauma in exactly the same way whether they're 25 or whether they are an infant at the time that this particular trauma has occurred. So I approach it the same way. But what I will say to your question is that I have certainly observed that we have multiple inner children and we have actual themes of trauma and within each theme say, for example, abandonment is the most common that I see. There will be multiple versions of us at different ages and stages that all carry this particular trauma, but it's just been repeated at different times and reinforced at different times. So if we're working on abandonment, any one of those children or versions of you can come up, but it is mostly children.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for that. And I lost my train of thought before and you were talking about the efficiency of not talking about the story but actually addressing the trauma. And that's what inner child work does and I know so many people are in therapy and so many people need life support. So therapy is great and talk therapy is great for that. And as the work deepens, like this inner child work, like Jen saying you need to get to where the pain is, you need to get to where that leverage point is and from there you tend to it. And when you tend to that wound that happened at a really young age and you're able to get what happens, do you all of a sudden get healed? Does something shift in your life? Like what do you track with your clients to see that there's actually something that's being embodied or something that's shifting?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, great question. So what we would normally notice? The first thing that we'll notice is that the scenario that we used for our portal or for our trigger, that would have been causing a lot of emotional reaction within them. That's before we do the process, after we finish the process that same inner child, that same part of them, when they replay that event in their mind that was previously somewhat anxiety inducing. Yeah, it was not comfortable for them.

Speaker 1:

When we play that back once we finish the process, they're usually very calm. They can look at it objectively, like it doesn't create any kind of emotional response in them. It's almost like looking at it completely objectively as if it actually didn't even happen to them, although they know, but it just it doesn't make them feel the way it did an hour before. So there is that. But what tends to also happen because with my work and you might've already noticed in this conversation I'm very detailed we go very, very deep. So we also look at exactly what beliefs were formed with that particular wound and what patterns were formed, and those are the patterns you now see on your day-to-day basis. So we dissolve those as well.

Speaker 1:

So what happens over the coming days and weeks is that that particular scenario that used to activate them in some way or another. When that scenario next comes up, they actually notice that that's a scenario where they would normally be feeling anxiety, for example, or fired up, whatever it happened to be, and they will notice it. But they will notice that there's actually no emotional charge. They're no longer reacting to that particular event where they would normally, as I say, react emotionally to it. So it just completely loses their power. They know what happened. It's not that it's been erased from their memory, like it is still there. They remember that it happened, but it just has absolutely no emotional hold over them anymore. And so then you can step out of the patterns and so on.

Speaker 2:

So this might be incorrect, but this is how I learned it from like a neuroscience perspective, from what I was taught, the amygdala doesn't have any sense of time or space, so when a trauma happens.

Speaker 2:

It's like a one-year-old, two-year-old, five-year-old. I'm still thinking and reacting as if it's happening in the present, but it's 50 years later, 30 years later. But that's why it's so important to go back to make that repair, because the amygdala has no sense of anything. But once you make that repair, then you get space from it and detachment, or I'm not sure the exact words you use, but is that pretty accurate with what's happening?

Speaker 1:

Exactly, that's exactly right. I mean, I'm very spiritual, so I'm using a lot of different energies as well and my languaging will be slightly different, but that is exactly correct. We're just going back to that particular time. We are giving those inner children exactly what it is that they needed, and I'm often channeling as well the words that they need to hear and needed to hear in that moment and particularly when it comes to unraveling those beliefs. You know, I'm channeling what it is that they need to hear and it literally like if that little child had just heard these words in that moment or had been held the way that they needed to be held when I say held, I mean held and protected and connected with there wouldn't have been a wound there, and so we're really just doing that. That's what we're doing, but the key is is that we I have found that we need to get to that level of detail, otherwise it can almost whitewash it a little bit.

Speaker 2:

You'll get some result, but just not to the depth that we need to and I love how detail orientated you are and that you're bringing in the spiritual component, because for a lot of people that spiritual component and the channeling and bringing in the energies is super, super important. And some people like a more square box. There's all different practitioners that can offer you different access points, but I personally am connected to the spiritual environment too, so I love that that's part of our conversation. So, like when we're thinking about parental alienation or estrangement cause, I'm just going to use that cause.

Speaker 2:

That's kind of what we're talking about in the community, like how does a relationship a person has with their parents influence their relationship? So if I want to actually make this actually a clear question because I was a wonky I'm getting a divorce. My ex-wife is super connected, enmeshed with my kids, and what's happening with my kids in relationship to my ex-wife from an inner child perspective where they're taking care of her, super enmeshed, becoming kind of like surrogates for her voice and stuff, like what wounds are happening what can we track as parents to have a little bit more grace and understanding for what our kids are going through, and does that make any sense?

Speaker 1:

I think it makes sense. We'll see where it goes. So what you're wanting to know is basically ultimately, is it like what's happening for our children in that environment and perhaps how we can better support them? Is that what you're asking?

Speaker 2:

I would say it's two parts, like how can we track what's happening with the kids and see, oh wow, this particular dynamic's happening and this is what's shaping their reaction, because this wound is is in real time, really in a lot of instances. And then how, maybe we can support them with that or be some kind of buffer, some kind of yeah, light, some kind of something that's so hard.

Speaker 1:

That's just such a hard scenario, scenario, situation to live through. It really is. Honestly, my heart does go out to anybody in that situation. It's very painful when we're dealing with kids not just any kids, our children in that situation, I think, firstly, understanding that it's not the kid's fault, it is absolutely not their fault at all. Their survival, right now, if they're with that other parent, their survival is on that parent. So underneath they're going to be doing what they need to do to be okay.

Speaker 1:

I think that them knowing that you are always there, that there is zero judgment, because what's popping into my mind, the messaging that I'm getting right now as well, is that these children and even if they're not small children, even if they're teenagers, you know these kids are going to feel like they're betraying the other parent if they say anything or if they go against that other parent and if it feels like their survival is on that particular parent.

Speaker 1:

They're not going to want to do that. And it depends on the child's makeup as well. Some of them they may feel guilty and actually responsible for that parent, depending what their parents are saying to them. So I think, actually creating a very safe, neutral space where they can just come into your world, whether it's actually physically coming to your home or into a conversation, a text message, but just knowing that you are there, no matter what and it's making me teary just thinking about it they can show up in whatever way that they need to show up, that you are there to love them. They don't need to perform, they don't need to be a particular way, they just need to be beautiful them and you're going to be there for them, no matter what, because that's what's not happening over there.

Speaker 2:

Right and just to stay with that scenario, like the kids are really enmeshed, they're in survival mode, they're really connected to the other parent. But is this the beginning of, like, an abandonment wound? For, like in a child work? Is this where the wounds actually starting, where they're really connected to this one parent. If they start to pull away, there's some kind of punishment in the abandonment is getting kicked up right then and there, and then they're abandoned in themselves to not have a relationship with the other parent. Would that be an actual beginning of potentially a wound?

Speaker 1:

I think that the wound will have already been formed, like with a parent like that, like if you've got a couple that have had the child in the first place, both of the parents have got deep abandonment wounds. There's one that is I don't want to throw around labels but probably narcissistic. But there's one parent there that is already abandoned from themselves and the other parent is going to be in the self-abandoning type role, I would think. So the abandonment will already be there, probably from even if it was mum, if mum was emotionally disconnected from herself or disconnected from herself when she was pregnant which wouldn't have just happened in pregnancy, it would have always been that way. But basically that disconnection to baby will already be there from the time in the womb. So this is going to amplify that for sure to your question. But I think the abandonment would have already been there At the moment. They're in survival, they're trying to survive.

Speaker 2:

Totally, and that resonates a lot with me because if I track my wound, my wound is in vitro when I was in my mom's wound and she was disconnected from herself and didn't have any kind of resources and that was all part of her life already and I was already indoctrinated into that cycle. So just to point out to people how deep this goes, and even if we're in a really toxic environment, the empowerment of this is to look at our part and how do we start healing and how do we start healing those small parts of ourselves so we can be the best parent, the best grandparent, the best whatever?

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, and I so love that you've raised that. It's probably one of my favorite areas. I mean, I love all initial healing. I just completely lose myself and I love it.

Speaker 1:

But I particularly enjoy doing not so much enjoy but find particularly fascinating is taking my clients back to the womb, and I will always do that in my programs because there is nearly always substantial trauma that has occurred in their time, in your time, in the womb. Because we read the energy, we absorb that energy and it's awful because there's enough pressure for mums as it is. But I will say that I think we need to support pregnant mums even more, a lot more than we are now, because this is a lot of why these things are happening. But that's another conversation for another time. But you're right, our time in the womb, that is where a lot of these wounds are formed and I know when I'm guiding my clients I'll often include in those questions what are you noticing about mum, like how's baby feeling?

Speaker 1:

And we'll, you know we'll get exactly how baby felt. And what are you noticing about mum? And sometimes it'll be mum's really anxious, mum's really stressed. Depending on the situation, it may have been that mom didn't actually want to be pregnant at that time for various different reasons, but baby will be aware of this and it will feel like an abandonment for them.

Speaker 2:

So I don't know if this is going to be appropriate, but I started doing my inner child work. It was a somatic based, which I really enjoyed, and the person that I was working with, as we were talking about the in the womb and my relationship with my mother and what was going on, he brought up the word of incest emotional incest and I'm like whoa, there's something wrong with you. But as we continued to do the work, that enmeshment and that codependency and how my mom needed me to regulate her nervous system as I was in the belly instead of her taking care of me, really felt like that gives me a visceral feeling in my body. That's upsetting at first, but unfortunately, super, super true. And what comes up for you when I talk about something like that? Do you have powerful wording and stuff around some of the stuff when you're digging into people? Is it, I don't know, more of a subtle entrance?

Speaker 1:

I would say those aren't actually words that I normally use, not for any reason. I don't choose not to use them, it's just not words in my vocabulary normally to use. But when you describe it like that, there are definitely times that I could actually see that happening like quite clairvoyant and I could see. I think that those words are probably very accurate, as raw as they actually were, for what happened for you. But what I see more of and I've done I don't know around 450 of those particular process and there's only been four times I have not we've not come across some significant stuff. It's very interesting, which is why I always include it.

Speaker 1:

But what I would normally see is not so much that it's more around the abandonment. It's more around either not wanting to have baby, or it's not the right time, or there's a lot of volatility between mom and dad. Sometimes. It can be a lot of the times mums feel unsupported so there's a lot of anxiety. It might just be it's not that mum's been a bad mother before she even starts. It might be that she's got two or three other children running around and they're under five, and anyone who is a parent will attest to the fact that having small children. It is exhausting and relentless so they don't have the time or the headspace to be connecting with baby inside. But baby does feel it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and just anyone out there listening, we are talking about mothers and in vitro and in the belly and then a child. Wounds are from both parents. So I just want to acknowledge we happen to be talking about that, but both parents bring all their stuff into the relationship. And if we could just touch basis a little bit on of other gender parents that are in the picture, what does early wounds look like with dad or you know other family members? You know stuff like that.

Speaker 1:

So baby is definitely aware of other people in the picture as well, for example, if dad was to leave or if dad's not wanting to have baby. Baby is well aware of this. So anyone who is actually around close to mom baby is picking all of that up as well. Something I want to just put in here, if I may, is just that it might answer some questions for some people within your audience, and it does come up a lot. Well often I've definitely noticed a correlation I don't know if you have too in your work that when we struggle with suicide or suicide ideation, anything like that, later on I will take my clients back into the womb and I have found consistently without fail, they will have a trauma that was formed while they were in the womb and the beliefs sit around that they are not meant to be here, they shouldn't be here, or they're not just not wanted, but they're not wanted here.

Speaker 1:

They don't belong here. Now this can come about if there's conversations or thoughts around. This is maybe around termination, or perhaps decades ago, where adoption was very common, perhaps if they've been born into a family who are heavily religious, where you know out of wedlock. It is absolutely unacceptable those kind of thoughts and conversations will. Often baby will pick that up and they will get a very strong message that they're not meant to be here, they're not welcome here. They could cease to exist at any moment and that forms a wound. And I find that that wound is always present when I've worked with people and I haven't worked with a lot of people is always present when I've worked with people and I haven't worked with a lot of people that are suicidal, but I have worked with some and that wound is always present. So when we heal that wound, those thoughts stop.

Speaker 2:

That's a fascinating correlation and also wonderful to hear that when that's actually addressed in a meaningful way on the inner child work, that it actually ceases and stops and falls away, that is super cool. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I love that super fun interview. I love the spiritual components to it. I love the conversation.

Speaker 2:

Inner child work is so, so, so important and it's an empowerment practice. It's something we can work on with a professional, which I highly suggest to get an understanding of it, or do a lot of research, reading YouTube, and then it's stuff we can tend to ourselves. I have an inner child practice that I was taught, and part of the inner child practice I was taught was just reparenting, which we get into the second part of the episode, where I'm just giving my inner child some positive reinforcement that I didn't get as a child and some of my favorite stuff is I see you, I hear you, I love you. It's not what you do, but who you are that I love. I will be here for you. I'll even be here for you when you die, and this is just me parenting my inner child and letting them know that I'm not going anywhere, that I love them, that they are enough and super powerful stuff and super touched by the episode and feel somewhat emotional about it because it's really been a big part of my recovery and it's also a big part of understanding my children's trauma and what they're going through and some of those original wounds. I was there and I was participating in the family system and maybe I caused some, maybe I didn't cause some, maybe I co-created some, I'm not sure, but it's super useful to understand these different pieces and parts. So thanks for coming out to play today.

Speaker 2:

Great stuff in the show notes. All Jen stuff is in the show notes. The free 12 step program parental alienation anonymous is in the show notes. 501 c3 non-profit. There's a link in the show notes if you'd like to donate, which we would love you to participate in, that if you have the resources. If you don't have the resources, love you to volunteer and do something like that. And yeah, part two is super cool too and I like to just say this to you in case no one's told you yet today I love, love you.

Speaker 1:

And and.

Speaker 2:

I'd say just to open that up a little bit, this is part of the inner child work is to hear that we're lovable and I say I love you because I love me. And I couldn't say I loved you before because I wasn't really sure if I loved myself and I didn't even know that was really an option because I was much better at abandoning myself. So thank you, have a a beautiful day, see you around the neighborhood and come back for the second part of the show. Thanks for taking the time to join me on this episode of family disappeared podcast. Do you know someone who can benefit from what we're discussing on today's episode? If so, please share this podcast with them and anyone else in your community that might be interested in changing their lives. Together we'll continue the exploring, growing and healing journey. I will see you on our next episode. Until then, happy days to all.