Family Disappeared

Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs Using “The Work” by Byron Katie - Ep 102

• Lawrence Joss

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In this episode of the Family Disappeared podcast, Laurence Joss engages in a deep conversation with John about Byron Katie's transformative work. They explore the impact of limiting beliefs, particularly in the context of parental alienation and estrangement. John shares his personal journey with the work, detailing how it has helped him navigate emotional pain and trauma. The discussion includes practical applications of the work, focusing on the four questions that guide individuals in questioning their stressful thoughts. The episode emphasizes the importance of community support and the resources available for those dealing with similar challenges.

Key Takeaways

  • Byron Katie's work helps in identifying and questioning limiting beliefs.
  • The process involves writing down stressful thoughts and questioning them.
  • Emotional responses can be traced back to specific thoughts.
  • The work encourages individuals to explore their internal experiences.
  • Community support is crucial in navigating parental alienation.
  • The questions in the work are designed to provoke deep self-reflection.
  • Understanding one's emotional ecosystem can lead to healing.
  • The work can be applied to various personal and relational challenges.
  • Resources for the work are freely available online.
  • Engaging with the work can lead to transformative insights. 

Chapters

00:00 - Introduction to Parental Alienation and Byron Katie's Work
02:59 - Understanding Byron Katie's Journey and the Work
05:48 - The Process of The Work: Questions and Turnarounds
08:51 - Exploring Limiting Beliefs and Emotional Responses
11:53 - Practical Application: A Case Study on Parent-Child Relationships
14:54 - Deep Dive into Emotional Ecosystems and Healing
17:53 - The Importance of Community and Support
20:40 - Final Thoughts and Resources for Listeners

This link contains downloads for worksheets, a video library, podcasts, and more on Byron Katie’s work:

https://thework.com/


If you wish to connect with Lawrence Joss or any of the PA-A community members who have appeared as guests on the podcast:

Email - familydisappeared@gmail.com

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/lawrencejoss

(All links mentioned in the podcast are available in Linktree)

Please donate to support PAA programs:

https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=SDLTX8TBSZNXS

This podcast is made possible by the Family Disappeared Team:
Anna Johnson- Editor/Contributor/Activist/Co-host
Glaze Gonzales- Podcast Manager

Connect with Lawrence Joss:
Website: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/
Email- familydisappeared@gmail.com

Speaker 1:

For me, when I shut down as you were describing that you shut down in that moment, I'm never going to speak to her is where I would find an example of that turnaround, and I don't know if that's true for you, I'm just finding it in my own experience. Where I shut down, I'm not speaking to anyone, let alone, you know, my oldest daughter.

Speaker 2:

There was a time in my life when I was overwhelmed and underwater. Those days are the inspiration for this podcast. This is by far the ultimate healing journey for all of us. Healing ourselves emotionally, spiritually and physically is paramount to this journey. From this place of grounding, we can all go out into the world and change all our interactions and relationships. We can engage people from an integrated and resourced place. This is a journey of coming home to ourselves. In today's episode we'll start to explore some of these issues. Let's begin the healing journey today. Welcome to the Family Disappeared podcast. Hi, my name is Lawrence Joss and welcome to the Family Disappeared podcast.

Speaker 2:

Today we have a really super interesting conversation with a friend of mine, john, and we're going to be talking about the work by Byron Katie and if you're not familiar with the work, it's a wonderful framework to work with limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs like I'm unlovable. Limiting beliefs like my children will never talk to me again, I will never get to meet my grandchildren or my grandchildren will never want to meet me, stuff like that. And Byron Katie I think she's been doing this work for 40 years, something like that, and has a bunch of books, and we'll put all this information in the show notes. She also has some printouts so you can actually do this work with yourself, with friends, with folks in your community. It's accessible, affordable and being a wonderful tool in my life. If you you're new to the community, welcome to the community. This particular interview is really about trying to open up some different resources to people that they might not be familiar with. And if you are new to the community, there's all different kinds of playlists on our YouTube channel if you're looking for stuff specific around therapists or lawyers or whatever else there might be. And, yeah, definitely check out some different shows, shows there's a bunch of shows with panels of parents talking about their experiences and this is really specific to opening up to some other modalities of work to work with some of the trauma and the pain that you and I are going through, and just want to remind you that we have a free 12-step program parental alienal Alienation, anonymous. It's a wonderful community and for me personally, I would not have been able to move through so many of these different obstacles that I have in parental alienation, estrangement and erasure without a support group. My email address in the show notes, which is familydisappeared at gmailcom Love to hear from you Any kind of questions, suggestions for other interviews, what you like, what you didn't like any of that stuff is welcome and please like and share with folks and we are a 501c3 non-profit. There's a donate button down in the show notes. Would love to have you support what we're bringing to you, because everything's free to everyone and we'll always be accessible and we could use extra resources. If you do have them available and if you don't, that's great. Volunteer whatever works will be great, and with that let's jump into the show.

Speaker 2:

So part of my story is chronic pain that came out of parental alienation, from holding all this tension and emotions in my body. And I was doing this clinical trial in Northern California and we had a lady come in that did a lot of work at San Quentin and she actually did Byron Katie's the work in San Quentin and she came into a room of people that were experiencing chronic pain and she helped us work with the work and this is the first time that I'd ever heard anyone ask me the questions related to the work and I had a limiting belief at that time that I would always be in pain and working with this idea that I would always be in pain through a different lens of these questions, of really opening up this question. And is this true? Is this always going to be true? Can this change? And all these different things really changed my perspective and my relationship to pain and it became a tool that I used and have used with my kids and grandkids many times.

Speaker 2:

And we're going to jump into this conversation with John and kind of look at some examples, what his experiences when he came to the work, and it's a super interesting conversation and it's a little bit more dense because we are working with this stuff and, yeah, love to hear what you think about it after the show. And with that, let's just jump into the interview and see what John has to say about the work with Byron Katie. So, john, it's great to have you on the show this morning and I'd love to just have you introduce how you came to the work by Byron Katie, which is what we're going to be discussing today, like what is the work by Byron Katie and how did you find it and come to be interested in it?

Speaker 1:

Right About 28 years ago, my friend said hey, you've got to meet this woman. I had no idea what I was getting into, and so we went to another friend's house and there were about 15 of us and this woman walks in and she starts talking about this process called the work. Eventually she hands out these worksheets that we all filled in and I'm thinking to myself what am I doing here? You know, this is not really my thing. And so we did the worksheets and she did the work. I left going OK, that was interesting, but there was something that she had that attracted me and so I ended up spending some time with her. She was out in the desert in Barstow. Then I started to discover what the work was and how. The work is an internal thing. That has taken a longer time to discover, but it's certainly changed my life.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for that and just to give people a little bit of context. So Byron Katie developed the work and, from what I understand about Byron Katie, she was going through this really tumultuous time in her life stress, depression, anxiety, fear whether I'm going to die. I'll always be this way, my child will never talk to me, the sky is going to fall, whatever it is. And she came up with this process to look at these beliefs, this pain, this trauma whatever word you want to put to it to find a different path and a way through this thing. That seemed like a brick wall. Is that relatively decent description?

Speaker 1:

I mean that's relatively decent. Yes, I mean there are other levels and yes, Okay.

Speaker 2:

Well, what other level would you like to just add to that? Because I want to give the audience kind of like a context for who Byram Katie was when she came to this process, what her life kind of looked like, and then we can jump into a little bit more describing the work and how it's affected you in your life.

Speaker 1:

Who she was is. She was agoraphobic, she couldn't leave her house just because her mind was just so overactive and she went into a halfway house and everyone hated her because she was quite obnoxious. I assume moment where just everything dropped away and in that moment she understood just the nature of life. And the questions come from that moment of just not knowing. The work brings us back into the present and that's where life happens and it's from there that actually life is amazing.

Speaker 2:

That makes a lot of sense, because when we're in a trauma response or there's a lot of chaos going on in our life or we have a lot of grief, we kind of like check out and we try to, you know, get away from what we're feeling. And by getting away from what we're feeling it causes more anxiety and fear. And you did say that she was agoraphobic. But I'm also thinking like in some of those early conversations or teachings she also spoke about fear and anxiety and feeling trapped and all these other things that were components of most probably some emotional stress in her life besides just agoraphobia. Is that kind?

Speaker 1:

of right. Definitely, her life was a mess.

Speaker 2:

I can relate to that, and the reason that I'm laughing is so many people in the community come to community because we're all struggling with not having a relationship with our kids or these ideas about what relationships should look like as a parent, grandparent, child. And that's kind of the lens that we're going to be focusing on today, but we're going to be expanding it out to all the stuff that Byron Katie was going through and your experiences. And the reason that I wanted to contextualize this is if you're listening to the podcast and you're like, what is this thing that we're talking about and how does this apply to me? It applies to the emotional ecosystem and it gives us some tools to move through some of these incredibly challenging ideas. Like my kid's never going to talk to me, I'm going to die without ever seeing my grandchild Like. These are the things that we're going to get into. So, before we get into what the questions are which is super important I'm curious, john what drew you to the work besides a friend inviting you?

Speaker 2:

What was your emotional ecosystem and did that affect why the work interested you in the beginning? I mean?

Speaker 1:

I've always had an ability to push down what's going on, the negative stuff, to ignore it, and I'm very good at denial.

Speaker 1:

And so what the work initially did was to help me to actually look at some of those things. You know, like my parents, my father was a businessman and an alcoholic and my mother was more on a spiritual path. He was like white bread, americana, she was like granola and, you know, health food it was very hard for me to understand them because they seemed to be coming from such different worlds. You know, there was this constant tension in the house that seemed to permeate everything, you know, when both of them were there. So I internalized that, and the work allowed me to actually bring it out into the open and to see that between them there was this beautiful dance that was going on that I wasn't aware of. What I mean by that beautiful dance is that, while, yes, there was chaos and they both had their stuff, life is perfect even in its imperfection, and that's where I could see the beauty of their dance, even as it was partially crazy and partially gorgeous at the same time.

Speaker 2:

And you said like you were really good at it sounds like compartmentalizing, denial, pushing stuff down, not really feeling stuff. And I'm hearing that Byron Katie's work helped you work through some of those blocks on your own where you couldn't understand what was going on or you had an emotional, maybe trauma, maybe some kind of holding in your body or something like that and you couldn't find a path through. And the work gave you some kind of technology that helped you move through some of those questions right.

Speaker 1:

Yes, definitely.

Speaker 2:

Awesome. So we're talking about the work and everyone out there is, huh, what's this work thing? So what is the work, John? What are the questions that comprise the work?

Speaker 1:

The work is a process for identifying one's stressful thoughts and then questioning them, and in the process it's about writing those thoughts down. After, writing those thoughts down is to question each thought. And you question the thought with these four questions Is this thought true? That's the first question. The second question is can I absolutely know it's true? The third question is how do I react? What happens internally when I believe this thought? And the fourth question is who would I be without that thought? In other words, who would I be in my life? How would I live if I wasn't believing that thought?

Speaker 1:

And then there's one more part of the process where it's called the turnarounds, where you take the thought and you just explore is there truth in the opposite statement? So, if I think that she should love me, the opposite statement there are actually a couple of them is I should love her is one opposite, you know, can I find that in this context? And another one would be I should love myself in this particular context, in the situation, can I love myself, you know? Is that perhaps truer in the situation? And then the last one is she shouldn't love me. And again, in this, this context, maybe that actually is truer. She's not able to, or whatever it is you know the questions are super provocative and super interesting.

Speaker 2:

But I know, the first time I was introduced to the work, I heard these questions and I'm like, yeah, it sounds like someone was at the bar, got drunk and wrote down a bunch of questions on a piece of paper and then went back to read them the next day. And I don't say that to be negative, anyway, it's just how my mind wanted to dismiss the questions and not even listen or work with them, because I thought I knew better or I was looking for some kind of silver bullet, some kind of quick something, something that would just fix me. So I'm curious, when you heard the questions the first time and you're sitting with these 15 people like, are you like, huh, this is wonderful, I love this. Or are you like, maybe this lady needs some help?

Speaker 1:

well, I didn't go there, but I certainly go. You know, I was dismissive. It was like I'll do it, you know, just because I'm here, but this is I don't get this. You know what's the point that was, but this is I don't get this. You know what's the point? That was my attitude initially.

Speaker 2:

And I love that, and I'm thinking people that are listening are like what's going on, unless you have some kind of familiarity with the work and, with that being said, if you're open to it, john, can we just do a quick example and I'll come up with a limiting belief that I haven't. We can work through it in a relatively quick way and then we can kind of like discuss it with some other questions that I have planned. Will that work for you?

Speaker 1:

That's great. What I would suggest is, because the work for me is super powerful when I work on a stressful thought in a particular situation, because what happens is is then I can track well, how do I react? Because I can then go back to that situation to look oh, I reacted like this when I believed the thought, and so if you could find a thought in a particular situation, that would be great.

Speaker 2:

Okay, well, I had a couple of thoughts that are coming up that are relevant to the community, but, like I haven't spoken to my oldest daughter in nine years, the initial thought that I come up with is you know, my oldest daughter is never going to speak to me. Our last conversation was if I ever want to talk to you, I will let you know, and that's it. Yes, I'd say, my belief is that I'm never, ever going to talk to my oldest daughter again.

Speaker 1:

Can we go ahead and use it? My oldest daughter is never going to speak to me.

Speaker 2:

Perfect. My oldest daughter is never going to speak to me. I'm just writing that down. So if you're out there and you're listening and you want to play with this afterwards or you're curious about this, just write something down. Maybe in this moment you can write something down. If you're driving, don't, but anyway. So my oldest daughter is never going to speak to me.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and you have that thought when you're talking to her on the phone.

Speaker 2:

I've had that thought over and over again through the years at different times, and it's something that I carry around with me, because at this point, nine years and I don't know what's ever going to change.

Speaker 1:

But you're asking me to go back to a specific emotional stimulation.

Speaker 2:

Yes, exactly a particular moment yeah, the last time I saw her on the street, she said if I ever want to talk to you, I will reach out. So yeah, at that moment I'm like she's never going to talk to me again.

Speaker 1:

Is that true? She's never going to speak to me.

Speaker 2:

I don't know that. I don't have enough information to know if she's never going to speak to me. Just in this moment it's feeling that way.

Speaker 1:

And in that situation there on the street, how do you react? What happens internally when you have the thought my oldest daughter is never going to speak to me?

Speaker 2:

My body freezes up a little bit. I kind of lose myself and I lose my way and some of my presence goes away because I'm starting to shrink and shut down. So I'm really feeling a shutting down on that street and a going away and part of me just wanting the conversation to end because she's already rejected me.

Speaker 1:

How are you treating her when you believe this thought she's never going to speak to me?

Speaker 2:

I'm definitely starting to go away, not in physical proximity to her, but on an emotional level. I'm stopping asking questions, I'm shutting down, I'm getting smaller. It seems like I'm less interested in connecting and having a conversation with her.

Speaker 1:

And how are you treating yourself when you're believing this thought? My oldest daughter is never going to speak to me.

Speaker 2:

I'm just shaming myself. Stuff I could have done better in the past I could have shown up and knowing more stuff I could have educated myself. You're just feeling a lot of failure as a father and as a parent, so I'm definitely not treating myself very nicely.

Speaker 1:

And where do you feel it in your body?

Speaker 2:

Chest throat. I feel some energy running through my upper arms. I feel my jaw locking up a little bit. I feel a little bit of emotion in my eyes.

Speaker 1:

And so I invite you to close your eyes. You're back with your oldest daughter. Everything's the same. Who would you be in that situation? In other words, what would your internal experience be If you couldn't hold this thought? My oldest daughter is never going to speak to me.

Speaker 2:

So if I didn't have that thought, who would I be? Is what you're asking Exactly. Yeah, I'd be super different. I'd be expansive and happy and open and just super appreciating the moment of connection, and I wouldn't have this need for it to be any different.

Speaker 1:

So let's turn the thought around my oldest daughter is never going to speak to me.

Speaker 2:

I'm never going to speak to my oldest daughter.

Speaker 1:

And just in that situation can you find an example of I'm never going to speak to my oldest daughter?

Speaker 2:

No, no, I would always take the opportunity to talk to her if I had it.

Speaker 1:

May I offer something?

Speaker 2:

Please.

Speaker 1:

For me, when I shut down as you were describing that you shut down in that moment, I'm never going to speak to her is where I would find an example of that turnaround, and I don't know if that's true for you, I'm just finding it in my own experience. Where I shut down, I'm not speaking to anyone, let alone, you know, my oldest daughter.

Speaker 2:

I can definitely see that being true at different moments in time where I just didn't have the capacity to hold the emotional experience of what was happening. And this conversation is, you know, 12 years into struggling with parental alienation, so definitely a different reaction. But I could track old reactions where, yeah, I didn't have capacity to talk to anyone else, I never wanted to talk to my oldest daughter again, and in those moments it was true. And even in doing this work, if I look back 10 years and then look back at this interaction 10 years later, it's super different, you know, because I know that that's not true for me.

Speaker 1:

And another turnaround. There are two other turnarounds. One is where you put you on all of it, so I am never going to speak to me. And again we're just looking in that context of that situation. Of course, your mind's going to continue, it just is. Can you find any truth? And I am never going to speak to me in that situation.

Speaker 2:

No, no, I'm always going to continue talking to me. Yeah, I like me. Yeah, no, definitely not.

Speaker 1:

And the last one is just the opposite. My oldest daughter is going to talking to me. Yeah, I like me. Yeah, no, definitely not. And the last one is just the opposite. My oldest daughter is going to speak to me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, there's definitely situations that that could be true. I can see that, even though it's feeling pretty hopeless in that interaction. Yeah, there's a possibility, with time and space and grace and maturity, that things will shift for both of us, and that's where we want to get to. Is we want to get to those possibilities? We want to get to outside of this box where there's only the four options, where it's more expansive and there are possibilities outside of our mind. That's the ultimate purpose of the work.

Speaker 1:

Well, the purpose? It's just looking to find the truth in oneself. When I do the work, I'm not trying to get anywhere. I'm trying to see what is true for this person in this moment. If I have a thought, she's never going to talk to me, you know, and I'm right there with her, and then two minutes later she says something. It's just interesting that I had that thought. She's never going to talk to me and she's just said something, you know, as we're leaving or whatever it is, it's noticing oh, I'm creating this, never, ever. And what's reality?

Speaker 2:

That's a great example with the thought like she's never going to talk to me again, and then something else happens in the conversation. There's another word, there's another interaction, there's another sentence, and then that thought comes back again she's never going to talk to me, and then you're back to started working with that, and then someone else says something. So, yeah, that's super useful way to end that example. So I really appreciate that, john.

Speaker 1:

In the work. Often people write out a whole worksheet that invites other thoughts that actually really support that initial thought and by doing the other thoughts suddenly this whole thing can collapse.

Speaker 2:

So like if we're doing thoughts like you know, my daughter's never going to talk to me again Like another thought is that she hates me, she thinks I'm the devil, like stuff like that, is those all the other thoughts?

Speaker 1:

that we're talking about Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Okay. So when we're actually doing the more complete work and not just this little example? Like she hates me, she thinks I'm the devil, she wants me to die, she picks someone else as her father, she's going to get married without me, she's going to have kids without me, like we're going to take all these thoughts together and then we're just turning around all these thoughts in a bigger contextualization versus just the one thought, or do we address each thought one at a time?

Speaker 1:

address each thought one at a time holy Address each thought one at a time, holy Toledo, yeah, it can take a while. It can take a while and it's really sweet again to do it right in that situation. There are prompts, the worksheet, it's all on theworkcom and it's all free, all of the material. And if you download the worksheet, you know angry or frustrated or whatever with my daughter because she's never going to talk to me, and then the next prompt after that would be I want her to, you know, in that situation, I want her to I want her to love me, I want her to call me dad, I want her to hug me, I want her to be kind to me.

Speaker 2:

Like you're going to write down all those pieces, right, exactly.

Speaker 1:

And then the line after that is she should, and the should is in order to get what you want there in that situation to call me dad, to love me, et cetera. What advice would you give her? You know advice that perhaps she's not getting she should.

Speaker 2:

She should be kind to me. She should love me because I've always loved her. She should treat me like her father, because I was there for her when she was born and I've always supported her and I've always shown up and paid for her school, whatever stuff like that right?

Speaker 1:

Exactly Okay. The next one is for you to be happy in that situation on the street. I need her to the street.

Speaker 2:

I need her to In order for me to be happy on the street. I need her to acknowledge that this has been a really challenging relationship. I need her to apologize for some of her behavior. I need her to just say she wants to forget everything in the past and just love me. All those kinds of things are relevant, right, right, okay.

Speaker 1:

And the one after that is she is and this it's like for me. I go into that six-year-old tantrum. She is blank in this situation.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So she is acting like a child, she is obnoxious, she's inconsiderate, she's self-centered, she's narcissistic, all that kind of stuff, and I definitely would use a lot. Okay, okay, so then we go into this thing of all those things that, yeah, all these negative traits that I want to say about the situation and her right okay and then the last question is what don't you ever want to experience again?

Speaker 1:

so I don't ever want.

Speaker 2:

I don't ever want to feel like I'm unlovable. I don't want to ever feel I'm unlovable. I don't want to ever feel like I failed as a parent. I don't want to ever feel that I'm being replaced.

Speaker 1:

Thank you. Then you would work each one of those thoughts the way we work.

Speaker 2:

Ah, got it. Okay, this is making a little bit more sense, because just doing the four questions and just having a little bit without those other prompts you're asking felt a little bit more difficult to convey to folks out there what was happening.

Speaker 2:

So I really appreciate you adding on what the work actually is with the prompts and, as john said, all this stuff is free.

Speaker 2:

It's online. We're going to have all the links in the show notes for you so you can print this out, so you can check it out if you're interested in seeing if there's any meetup groups or anything like that out in your area. That's another great place to play with us a little bit. So then, once you finish doing all these different items and writing all this stuff down and going through sentence by sentence, like what I'm starting to feel in my body is, I'm starting to feel like, oh, there's other possibilities here. Oh, I can see these different aspects of my projections and what I think she is. And then I can also see these worst case scenarios where I'm saying, hey, I'm going to be replaced, I'm never going to be loved, I'm a bad parent. And then, as I work through each of those statements like, hey, I'm a bad parent I start to see, oh, what would you say if I'm like one of my thoughts or I'm a bad parent? How do we work through that quickly, john?

Speaker 1:

I would suggest that you don't do the work on thoughts about oneself.

Speaker 2:

Well, okay.

Speaker 1:

For the most part you can, especially if you're new to the work. I would suggest not Simply because the thoughts that I write down are all the thoughts inside my head and so it's all about me and it's all going to come about me. But if I do it about myself, I don't have the distance. I can fool myself to think that I'm doing the work when I'm not. I'll put it that way.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so then if I was to rephrase that so we could actually work on it. It's like my daughter thinks I'm a bad parent, Daughter thinks I'm the worst parent in the world.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Okay, okay. So how do we work with that? Just a quick couple things to show people a couple ways to work with that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so my daughter thinks I'm the worst parent in the world. Is it true?

Speaker 2:

Is it true? Is it true for me, or is it true for her?

Speaker 1:

My daughter thinks I'm the worst parent in the world. Is it true? In other words, that's inside of you. Do you know that that's true?

Speaker 2:

No, it's definitely not true. I don't think.

Speaker 1:

I'm an awesome parent. No, but is it true that she thinks that you're the worst parent in the world?

Speaker 2:

No, I don't believe that. I think she's just surviving and getting through life, and it's just words that come out?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, I don't think she thinks I'm the worst parent in the world. No, and how do you react? What happens internally when you believe that she thinks I'm the worst parent in the world?

Speaker 2:

I feel my throat constricting. I feel some anxiety coming up through the top of my chest into my throat. I feel some emotion in my eyes. I feel like, yeah, it's a little bit harder to breathe. Definitely kicks stuff up when I think that.

Speaker 1:

In part of how do you react. There are these sub-questions. It's like how do you treat her when you believe this thought, that she thinks I'm the worst parent in the world?

Speaker 2:

Huh, that's actually a really provocative question. How do I treat her when I believe she thinks I'm the worst parent in the world? I shut down emotionally from her. I don't want to reach out. I don't want any kind of connection. I, yeah, I don't talk to her. I stop thinking about her. Yeah, I put her in a little box and push her down in the back of my head and file that stuff away.

Speaker 1:

And how do you treat yourself when you believe this thought? She thinks I'm the worst parent.

Speaker 2:

No, I treat myself. I don't like myself. I have some shaming thoughts. I have some what I could have done better, how I could have reacted better if I just would have known more, if I just would have been a bit more educated, if I would have just been a little bit. Yeah, I wish I would have been different and then this wouldn't be happening. So if I could have just been different. So I treat myself super shitty, super crappy.

Speaker 1:

And so who would you be if you could not hold this thought, if you could not believe this thought? She thinks I'm the worst parent in the world.

Speaker 2:

I would definitely be a lot happier, a lot more peaceful. There'd be more space in my brain around a lot of life, especially around birthdays and holidays. I'd actually be able to enjoy those events a lot more if I didn't get locked up in those thoughts. Yeah, I definitely feel a lot freer and a lot lighter.

Speaker 1:

So turn the thought around. She thinks I'm the worst parent in the world.

Speaker 2:

I think I'm the worst parent in the world. Is that a turnaround? That definitely feels weighty, and the thought that comes to my mind when I start to believe that other thought is like yeah, I'm the worst parent in the world.

Speaker 1:

And I just want to contextualize the turnaround is I think I'm the worst parent in the world. And I just want to contextualize the turnaround is I think I'm the worst parent in the world, when I'm thinking that she thinks I'm the worst parent because it's not about finding out how I'm the worst parent in the world, it's in that context. Does that make sense?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah. No, that's super useful because I'm just expanding it out to this comment. That feels super large. But when I circle back and say I'm the worst parent in the world, when she thinks I'm the worst parent in the world, makes a lot more sense and it feels manageable. Huh, I'm gonna go with a huh and a partial wow.

Speaker 2:

That was a really interesting interview and doing the work as I'm interviewing john and doing a little bit of work myself I felt a little bumpy and clunky at times and it also felt super useful to take these ideas and these beliefs and see, well, this isn't necessarily true and while this can really change, I really appreciate John coming out and sharing this stuff and you know Byron Katie's books are super digestible around the work and her website is wonderful and user-friendly and you're able print out all these pdfs and try some of the stuff out yourself. And I'd love to hear from you, like what you thought about this, what questions you'd like answered and maybe even, uh, send us up some questions that we can put together a q a, because I think on this kind of topic, a q a that's, live with john or other folks that are doing the work might be incredibly useful and thank you for coming out to listen to the show. We appreciate you. It's wonderful to have you in the community and I hope I get to see you around the neighborhood somewhere.

Speaker 2:

Remember, there's a bunch of resources in the show notes, including everything that John spoke about in the show today, and there'll be a link to Byron Katie's website and we'll put some PDFs in there for the work as well, so you can just download those hopefully this space, otherwise you might have to go to the website. And thanks for coming out and playing with us for a little bit today and in case no one's told you yet, today I love you, I hope you have a beautiful day and I hope to see you around the neighborhood. Bye, thanks for taking the time to join me on this episode of Family Disappeared Podcast. Do you know someone who can benefit from what we're discussing on today's episode? If so, please share this podcast with them and anyone else in your community that might be interested in changing their lives. Together we'll continue the exploring, growing and healing journey. I will see you on our next episode. Until then, happy days to all.