Family Disappeared

When Nonviolent Communication Becomes Weaponized in Parental Alienation & Family Estrangement - Ep 105

• Lawrence Joss

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In this episode, Lawrence Joss explores the transformative power of nonviolent communication, sharing personal anecdotes and practical examples. He emphasizes the importance of creating safe spaces for open dialogue, understanding feelings and needs, and building connections in relationships. Through various scenarios, he illustrates how effective communication can lead to healing and growth, both personally and within family dynamics. The conversation highlights the significance of vulnerability, empathy, and the ongoing journey of mastering communication skills.

Key Takeaways

  • Creating a safe space allows for open communication.
  • Nonviolent communication can transform relationships.
  • Understanding feelings is key to resolving conflicts.
  • Building bridges requires empathy and connection.
  • Vulnerability fosters deeper conversations.
  • Effective communication can lead to healing.
  • Recognizing needs is essential in dialogue.
  • Personal growth is a continuous journey.
  • Emotional work is necessary for transformation.
  • Nonviolent communication is a powerful tool for change.

Chapters

00:00 - Creating Safe Spaces for Communication
02:53 - The Power of Nonviolent Communication
05:45 - Navigating Difficult Conversations
09:03 - Understanding Feelings and Needs
11:50 - Building Bridges in Relationships
14:42 - Transforming Conflict into Connection
18:00 - The Role of Vulnerability in Communication
20:51 - The Journey of Personal Growth
24:00 - The Impact of Nonviolent Communication on Relationships

For more information regarding nonviolent communication:
https://www.cnvc.org/


If you wish to connect with Lawrence Joss or any of the PA-A community members who have appeared as guests on the podcast:

Email - familydisappeared@gmail.com
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/lawrencejoss

(All links mentioned in the podcast are available in Linktree)

Please donate to support PAA programs:
https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=SDLTX8TBSZNXS

This podcast is made possible by the Family Disappeared Team:
Anna Johnson- Editor/Contributor/Activist/Co-host
Glaze Gonzales- Podcast Manager

Connect with Lawrence Joss:
Website: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/
Email- familydisappeared@gmail.com

Speaker 1:

every single possibility in the moon can happen if I create some place where they feel heard, seen, safe. And it might be in the next conversation, it might be the next time I text, and it might not be. Hey, I have nothing, no feelings towards you whatsoever. It might be, I'm busy, what do you want? There was a time in my life when I was overwhelmed and underwater. Those days are the inspiration for this podcast. This is by far the ultimate healing journey for all of us. Healing ourselves emotionally, spiritually and physically is paramount to this journey. From this place of grounding, we can all go out into the world and change all our interactions and relationships. We can engage people from an integrated and resourced place. This is a journey of coming home to ourselves. In today's episode, we'll start to explore some of these issues. Let's begin the healing journey today. Welcome to the Family Disappeared podcast. Hi, my name is Lawrence Joss and welcome to the Family Disappeared podcast. If you're new to the community, welcome. And if you're a regular to the community, welcome and just welcome. I guess it's just a welcome kind of day and this is the second part of nonviolent communication texts, emails, conversations that people have sent over in the past, and we're just going to talk about how to respond to different situations, and some of the stuff feels super emotional in my body and I'm sure it will for you too, but it also feels spacious and a place of creativity, different options on how we can respond to people. And if you haven't listened to the first part of the show, I definitely suggest going back and listening to it. And we've had some other professionals in nonviolent communication that we've done interviews with and those are in the playlist or just in the videos. I got to go check. But go back and listen to some of the professionals. If you haven't listened to those episodes after you, listen to this and I think you'll get some great insight. Non-violent communication has changed my life and saved it in so many different ways. And again, if you're new to the community, there's over 100 episodes. There's episodes with lawyers, there's episodes with therapists and narcissist experts, and panels of parents and grandparents that are going through this stuff, that are talking about how their lives are transforming, how they're working on themselves. I suggest listening to bits and pieces or whole ones of everything, or every single episode.

Speaker 1:

We are a 501c3 nonprofit. Please donate if you have the capacity and also realize you're making a donation for someone else, you're giving us the capacity and the resources to bring more stuff to you and it's going to help the next person and it might help you too, at the very least, if you help the next person in and we're able to set up non-violent communication, trainings and on-demand stuff. Like how many lives can you affect by donating and donate a lot? Donate a little, donate monthly, and we can't do it without those resources from the community. So please do that. And if you're proficient at fundraising, writing grants and you want to volunteer, please email me at familydisappeared at gmailcom and love to hear your comments. Same email address comment on any of our social media stuff. Please share. Like great resources in the show notes we have a free 12-step program Parental Alienation Anonymous. It's about working on yourself and it's counterintuitive because you want other people to work on themselves so your life can be easier. But all the relief that I got in my life is by working on myself and then I'm able to engage people from a different, more grounded and useful place, and with that let's jump into the episode. So I just want to share a little example with you about nonviolent communication and just an everyday thing.

Speaker 1:

On the first episode I talked about getting my car towed. So before my car got towed it died. Like one or two days after I bought it. It was a cheap used car, an island car, and it seemed like a great idea. So I tow it to a mechanic. I say hey, transmission isn't going, can't catch the gears, it's not moving. And do you work on transmissions? He's like yeah, I'm like cool, how long do you think it'll be? A week or two? I'm like great, get the car towed there and never meet the guys, just a referral from someone. And then I go back to the mainland for a couple of months and I follow up with him every couple of weeks. He changes one part and nothing, nothing's really going on with the car.

Speaker 1:

So I get back to the big island and I go visit this person for the first time right now. He's had my car for two months, hasn't done anything. I show up at his garage, no one's around. Then he comes barreling down the road and his pickup truck no shirt on gets out. I say who I am? I'm like hey, let's check out the car.

Speaker 1:

He can't find the keys. He finds the keys and he can't get into the car and you like think your initial reaction would be what the hell is going on here? Who are you, what are you doing? And because my skill set is a little bit different, I'm like, well, it looks like it's been a really long day and this is super frustrating and irritating to you. And he went, yeah, like I'm overwhelmed. Can you see all the cars around here? I can't get through them all. I lose track. I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm like, oh, yeah, you're totally in over your head and you can't find other people to help you and you don't know what to do, so you're just trying to do the best you can. He's like, yeah, this is super crappy. I'm like, yeah, I totally get it and I'd like to kind of like figure out what the next steps are with my car. Can you check that out? And he's like, yeah, I'll get a friend that's a mechanic to come out and help me look at it and we'll figure out what the resolution is.

Speaker 1:

But in that conversation there was this really big peak which was pretty intense and pretty raw and could have gone sideways, and we could have landed up yelling and screaming. He could have told me go jump in the lake, come, get your car and get out of here. And what happened over the next two or three days is he got a mechanic involved, he got a transmission person involved, he got all these people involved and he got me information and he got me the code on the transmission and then he goes hey, seems too complicated to me and I don't really work on transmissions. You know, and I could have said you told me you worked on transmissions, you did it and that wouldn't have served me. That would have created more tension, anxiety and a really challenging situation to deal with. I'm like hey, can I please have the codes? And do you have a? And a really challenging situation to deal with? I'm like hey, can I please have the codes? And do you have a transmission person to refer me to? She's like no, not really. Here are the codes whatever. And he's like I appreciate the way that you're engaging in the situation. And he got me the codes and I found someone, which I'll tell that story later on.

Speaker 1:

What happened with that, because that's fascinating too. But it all comes out of me communicating with this person and not blowing up the conversation, leaving space and creativity for the conversation to change, and it changed once I actually heard and understood what this person was feeling and going through and I put my anger, my frustration, my irritation aside and I created a connection which created a channel for them to do some extra work for me quickly so I can move on to the next step or whatever. I'm going to tell you the rest of the story now. So then I find a mobile mechanic. I'm like hey, got this problem, this is what's going on. I send a text. They like send me the codes. I send this mobile mechanic the code and I don't know what they did or how they find up and they found something out. But they send me back and they go hey, ford had a recall in the Ford Fiestas and there's seven days left on this recall and class action lawsuit for you to go get your transmission fixed for free. And this all happened only because I didn't blow up this other conversation and got this stuff really quickly and I had seven days left. I towed my car to Ford in Hilo, which is like about a half an hour from where I'm staying, and they fixed the part of my car works until I had the oil leak. But, track the magic, I was able to connect with a human being that had my car and did something kind of crappy by not really taking care of it and didn't feel good, but yet I built a bridge and through that bridge got some really good information really quickly. And then I was able to connect with someone else by some block of the island, some random something, which is super cool. I got my car fixed for free, and that's all because I'm practicing nonviolent communication and that's my story. And now we're actually going to jump into some examples, and before we jump in, I want to say this one thing Every modality that's out there whether it's nonviolent communication, the work by Byron Katie, cognitive attachment theory, systems theory, whatever you're learning about or someone's teaching you about or you're listening to a podcast about every single one of these things can be weaponized.

Speaker 1:

So non-valuing communication can be weaponized. I can use it to show people how they should be communicating, how they should be showing up, what they should be doing. I could use it in a lot of different ways that become destructive. So just be aware that it's not always the best thing to use it all the time. It's like you need to have some discernment and you also need to see what your motivation is. Am I trying to get the person to do something? Am I trying to make myself feel better or am I just showing up and connecting with this human being? So pay attention to those different nuances and if it doesn't go really well one time, take a moment, maybe journal about it, think about it, write what might have happened better, maybe make a repair if that's appropriate. But just be aware that we can weaponize these skills that we're learning and it's not connecting at all. And also the languaging with practicing this changes over time so it becomes more like a slang and it's easier to communicate. In the beginning, it's more structured, and then you find your own language. Like, my language is a little bit different than if you read the book, because I've been practicing and you'll find your way too, you know.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's see what I have here. I have. I don't feel anything towards you. There's nothing to fix. Just take a breath with that.

Speaker 1:

If someone said that to you, that's related to you, like whoa, that's hurtful, that's deep, that's mean, that's unconscious, how could anyone ever say that? I don't feel anything towards you. There's nothing to fix, right. So acknowledge all those different feelings you're having. Don't invalidate your feelings. Maybe write them on a piece of paper. If this is a text or an email you're responding to, write down what you're feeling. Call a friend, go to a meeting, do whatever's going to do useful to get that out, and you might be able to move through it pretty quickly and realize oh okay, let me get to the other part, let me get to what they're feeling.

Speaker 1:

So I don't feel like you have any connection to me anymore and anything that I try to bring into the relationship or anything that I'm saying just feels useless to you because we don't have any kind of relationship whatsoever. Like, yeah, we don't have a relationship, I don't know you, I don't like you, I haven't seen you for whatever and you never really cared about me. Oh yeah, yeah, you felt like I never really cared about I'm like, yeah, we don't have a relationship. I don't know you, I don't like you, I haven't seen you for whatever and you never really cared about me. Oh yeah, yeah, you felt like I never really cared about you, like I never really showed up. And you can see that transition, how me reflecting back the first part of the conversation creates the second part of the conversation, which is more about what they're feeling and, on a little bit deeper level, feeling and on a little bit deeper level and then you can start to get down to what's actually happening. Like you were never really there for me, like, and that's why I don't have any feelings for you you never showed up and it doesn't matter if it's true, not true. It's validating their feelings. Yeah, oh yeah, you felt like I was never there for you.

Speaker 1:

There's a lot of times where you would like me to show up or to show up differently. Yeah, I would like you to listen to me. I would like you to come to my soccer games. I would like you to give me space. When I asked for, like, you never, ever did what I asked. That's why I don't feel anything towards you. Like, who are you? Yeah, I totally how frustrated you are with me, and then I showed up in a really crappy manner sometimes and I'd be hurt and I wouldn't feel much towards me either. So it makes sense what you're saying. I totally get it. Yeah, I don't feel anything towards you. If I ever did, it would be really really hard or be really hard to get there. Oh, yeah, it would be super challenging to feel something towards me or even want to be around me anymore. That makes sense. That makes sense.

Speaker 1:

And then the conversation changes. They might say something, they might ask how you are, they might tell you something about their life. Every single possibility in the moon can happen if I create some place where they feel heard, seen, safe, and it might be in the next conversation, it might be the next time I text and I might not be. Hey, I have nothing, no feelings towards you whatsoever. It might be I'm busy, what do you want? And you're like oh, you're busy. I'm guessing you're at work. I'm guessing you're at school. I'm guessing you're tied up with the kids. I'm guessing you're with your friends. And they're like yeah, I'm with my friends, I don't have any time for you. That makes total sense. I hope you have a lot of fun and then I'll try to reach out at a later time. Enjoy the day Done. Or they might start to engage from their place and the conversation might transform.

Speaker 1:

So again in nonviolent communication. We're trying to identify their feelings and then, once we identify their feelings, we're trying to identify the needs, and this might be a need for space, this might be a need for just acknowledgement that we've done some crappy stuff in the past, real or not real. This might be just some acknowledgement that they felt really let down and abandoned and alone. And in doing that, stuff opens up, that rock falls down and there becomes space to connect and I'm hoping that's making sense. And if you've got questions, send an email familydisappeared at gmailcom. Leave a comment, let's talk about it. If you have other instances where you can't figure out this email you got, how you could have responded better, send us a copy. Let us come up with some different ideas. And just because we come up with ideas don't mean they're great, they're just different. Make it your own and send it out and see if something different happens. Or think about situations that you're navigating on a daily basis. And if we get a bunch of these posted on some of our social media stuff, we can show people different ways to transform stuff. And let us know if you're having a victory with any of this kind of stuff. Know if you're having a victory with any of this kind of stuff.

Speaker 1:

Let me jump into another one here. This is a good one and also somewhat provocative. Why didn't you fight harder for me? What would you say? What would be your first instinct. Why didn't you fight harder for me dad, mom, sister, brother, uncle, whatever it is I fought my ass off, I went to court, I begged, pleaded. I showed up at every one of your events. I sent you emails, texts every day for 17 years. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

Like those are the initial things and I think a lot of us can relate that those are ways we might have responded in the past, right Like I did fight for you. Okay, now let's remove ourselves, put that aside. So we're detaching from our feelings and with love, we're coming from a place of love, from our feelings, and with love, we're coming from a place of love. And then we're like huh, what is this person feeling? Why didn't you fight for me? I'm guessing you're feeling like I didn't really love you, like I didn't really care about you, and you felt all alone and abandoned and you really just wanted me to show up and fight for you. I'm hearing that it was devastating that I didn't fight harder for you and it really, really hurts your feelings and you don't think you can ever recover from that.

Speaker 1:

I'm guessing you would have liked me to fight harder. You would have liked me to keep knocking on the door. You would have liked me to keep sending those emails. You would have liked me just to show up, just to show up and let you know that I love you, even if you weren't going to talk to me. You would have liked for me just to show up. These are all different things that we can say.

Speaker 1:

And this person could say yeah, I would have liked you to just show up anyway, I was a kid. Why were you listening to me? Oh yeah, you were just trying to survive and didn't know what to do, so telling me to stay away felt like the best way for you to just get through the day. Oh, I get it. You just went to a really, really bad place and you still wanted me to show up, and you're angry that I didn't show up. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't show up.

Speaker 1:

In those situations, can you see how that would be a lot more connecting instead of defending that you did show up Because you want to get to their feelings, to their needs? And then there's ways to continue the conversation. There's ways to make requests. Yeah, I didn't show up at all and I know you really don't want to see me and I'm curious is there anything that I can do now to support you, whether it's me showing up somewhere, whether it's me reaching out in a particular kind of communication or helping you with something that you're going through. I would love to show up if you feel like it's appropriate, and they might go. You know what? No, I don't want or need anything from you right now. But thank you for offering that. And you're like yes, I hear you don't need anything from you right now and that you also appreciate that. I acknowledge that it hurts you that way and thank you for being honest. You know I'll reach back out in a couple weeks or they'll go. Yeah, I want you to help me pay for soccer camp. And you're like oh, you would like me to help you pay for soccer camp. What does that look like? I need three hundred dollars, so it costs three hundred dollars for soccer camp. Can you tell me a little bit about soccer camp when it is, how long you'd be going for, what it looks like? And now you're in a conversation, now you've created that bridge and things can change and transform.

Speaker 1:

My middle daughter and my youngest daughter were talking to me and we had a relationship and parental alienation was there and there was all this crazy stuff going on. I had no languaging for it. I've been doing nonviolent communication for two or three years and I decided that I was going to get married again and I didn't take that decision lightly. I spoke to a lot of spiritual advisors that I had in my life and elders and my sponsor and I went to a lot of meetings and I thought about this for several months and I got to the place where like, yeah, this was a decision for me as an adult and I was going to make this decision and I wasn't going to ask my daughters for their permission, and that felt like the best path forward. I don't necessarily feel that way today, but in that moment I thought I'd done all the possible work I could do. So I went and proposed and got engaged. Right after that, within the next hour or so, I reached out to my two daughters that were still talking to me and said, hey, I got engaged. I'm really excited. I wanted to let you know and I also wanted to acknowledge that I didn't tell you and this felt like the adult thing to do A lot of pushback, a lot of backlash.

Speaker 1:

My middle daughter either called me or sent a text and said I can't believe that you did this to me again. You did this to me again. I need to take a break from you. And that was the last time we were connected is right when I got engaged. And then my youngest daughter sent me a similar text because they, you know, like there's this enmeshment and triangulation and everyone's having the same conversation together, and usually with the other parent or the alienating party, and she's like, hey, yeah, I'm going to take a break from you too. This is too much, I can't handle this.

Speaker 1:

I tried to create connection with my little daughter, but it wasn't possible. With my youngest daughter, I was able to say, yeah, this is super upsetting. You feel like I messed up by not letting you know about this or having this conversation about this before, and it was really hurtful. I was a really crappy dad. She's like, yeah, like that's crappy. Why would you do that without saying anything to us? I'm like, yeah, I agree with you, it was really crappy. I'm like, hey, let's meet for a cup of coffee and I want to hear about how you're feeling about it and talk about it and see where we go from here.

Speaker 1:

So she actually landed on meeting me for coffee and I was able to use nonviolent communication. I was able to listen to what she's saying. I was able to validate that. What a shock to her system as she's trying to navigate the complexities of these relationships. I'm going off and getting engaged and it's going to create all this other energy and flare-ups and anxiety with her mother which is my projection within the family system, and that she's going to have to deal with it. So one more time, I, the parent, am creating more work for the kids and I think they feel that in each direction, but they're able to articulate it to me. So we have this conversation and she had to be 14, 13, 12, something like that, and our relationship has never severed and it's gotten stronger over the years and it's been super challenging, but now it's in a really, really rich spot.

Speaker 1:

In each of these different transitions that I've gone through, nonviolent communication has carried me through and sometimes it's in the words and sometimes it's in me, processing a lot of stuff in myself and understanding her feelings and needs and not having to say a lot of stuff, and I think that's a really important component of nonviolent communication. A lot of times you could go oh wow, that's what they're feeling, that's what they're needing, and we can actually take an action and we don't have to use our words. We can actually show them that we get it. You know, let me find another one here that maybe is a little bit different. I want to believe you care, but I'm scared it's going to be just another letdown and you're just going to be that same old dad.

Speaker 1:

You were a mother, you were a brother, sister, parent, whatever. I want to believe you, but I'm scared. You're like trust me, I'm a good person, can't you see all the wonderful things I'm doing in life? I'm volunteering, I'm doing X, y and Z, you know. And then we start defending ourselves and trying to educate them about what we're doing and how we've changed and stuff like that. And you know, I had to put that down and I had to see like, hey, well, you're scared to connect with me because you're pretty sure I'm not going to show up again or I'm just going to be the same old person and it's going to be a whole act and you don't want to be let down and hurt again.

Speaker 1:

It makes a lot of sense. I don't want to be let down and hurt again either by people that I love. Yeah, I'm sorry that you're feeling that way, and what can I do to make you feel a little bit more comfortable? You just want to know that I care, so would it be good, like if I set up like a regular schedule and I'm just going to leave you a message. We'll call you every Wednesday and if you pick up, we have a chat or something like that and maybe we can build a little bit of trust by me just showing up and connecting a little bit. What would look like care to you, what would feel loving to you right now that I can help with if anything? Oh, I just want you to leave me alone, so you just want me to give you some space, and that would feel loving for you and that would feel like it would give you a moment to catch your breath and then maybe I can reach back out and we can see what happens next in the conversation. Yeah, that would be super cool. If you really appreciate that, no problem, I'm going to call you in two weeks, on Monday. Have a great week.

Speaker 1:

It's really important when we're using this nonviolent communication and we're taking guesses or we're saying, hey, yeah, you just want some space, that I also set up a time when I'm going to reach back out and don't just leave it open. And oh, I'm going to reach out in two weeks, I'm going to reach out in two Mondays, I'm going to reach out in a month. I think it's really good for my nervous system, it's really good for their nervous system, so they're prepared when their next reach out is going to be, and, and the next reach out is going to be, and these complexities just build and build and build on top of each other. For the first year, we did nonviolent communication sessions once a week and it was fantastic and there was so many changes going on. And then we just ran out of capacity, volunteers, funds to continue it. And now we would really like to get this back up and launched. And if this is sounding like it resonates with you and you want to be part of it and you want to have access to this, you know we need help with grant writing, fundraising, donations from you. We are a 501c nonprofit, so everything's tax deductible and yeah, just letting you know about that part, because I think this work is just so incredibly important. I'm going to find one more now for the segment. This is a good one.

Speaker 1:

I've been told so many things about you. I don't know what's true anymore. You know, just take a breath with that. How does that land in your body? Does that feel like something you might have experienced in some fashion? I've heard so many different things about you. I want to defend myself. I'd want to say, like, who told you that? What did you hear? Let me know what it is. I'd love to hear I know that's important and maybe it'll come out later in the conversation and you can address it, make it a repair or whatever feels appropriate in that moment. But in this moment, what are they feeling? What are they needing? You know, I've heard so many bad things about you. I don't know what to believe anymore.

Speaker 1:

Oh, wow, yeah, you're super confused about who I am, if I'm a good person or if I'm a bad person, like you can't really tell anymore. You have all this different information and you don't know how to process it or where it goes. That sounds crazy confusing. It's actually making my head hurt. Yeah, I would definitely feel very similar to you the way you feel. Yeah, dad, like who are you? You say you're doing these good things or you're saying you're always there for me, but I don't remember you being there for me. And then I hear that you weren't there for me. But then I do have some memories and I don't know what to do with that dad, mom, sister, brother. I'm like, yeah, that's hard to figure all that stuff out, especially when there's so much stuff coming at you and you're just trying to live your life and be happy and hang out with your friends and just get through school, just make it to school, just be able to play with your friends and relax. I get that.

Speaker 1:

Not knowing what's true anymore is a real challenge for you and thank you for sharing that with me. That takes a lot of vulnerability and courage. I'm super proud of you. I really appreciate you sharing that with me. It's really cool to see my daughter, son, child growing up Like. That's a level of maturity that I did not have at your age. Super cool. I feel super proud as a parent right now hearing you say you don't know what's true, who I am, you don't know what to trust me, and those are hard words to say. That takes a lot of courage to be able to say that to me. So you see, all these different bridges that I'm building and they might not necessarily be in the same sentence and they might be completely different for you, but each bridge that I'm building is giving me an opportunity to connect to a tune, to be present with this person, and each time I do that it gives them an opportunity to connect, to be present with me, and I'm not creating any more form. I'm leaving these conversations with no more form and nothing that I need to repair most of the time and hopefully a deeper connection and I got to tell you this this has changed my relationships with the people I work, with the people that I'm in community with, with my parents, with my daughters.

Speaker 1:

Like my youngest daughter, we have a really great relationship and we have a depth in our relationship. I don't think she gets in a lot of different places, because I keep coming back to her feelings, to what's going on in her life, and I keep reflecting and she does the same to me now. Now we're kind of like rowing together and we're kind of learning together and she's learning this different form of communication. And to finish up with this one story, my mom is somewhat challenging and I love her to death. I think she's incredible, but the communication stuff is really challenging as she gets a little bit more mature and I don't get a lot of my needs met sometimes. But I can always meet her where she is. If she's having a hard day or she has a pain or something going on, I can always reflect. Well, that doesn't feel good. That sounds super painful. That's really confusing. I'm not trying to get something from her, I'm not trying to get a need met, I'm just trying to meet her where she is and it creates all the spaciousness and this ease to have a conversation with her as she ages and now she does the same thing to me. She starts to reflect back stuff to me, she starts to take guesses. No one's teaching her to do this. No one's telling her to do this. It's just a natural evolution of how we're starting to communicate with each other and that's a beautiful residual effect of nonviolent communication. It's crazy cool. So these couple different examples are going to be in the show notes with a couple of other ideas how to respond. We're going to link some nonviolent communication information in the chat.

Speaker 1:

There's a bunch of other great stuff in the resources down underneath the podcast Scroll. Do something, find it, hopefully, and thanks for coming along for the journey today. This is a great conversation. There's so many other things here to discuss. I'd like to know if this is really useful and you want me to keep doing a little bit of this where we're like, hey, that was kind of boring, dude, tired of seeing just your face, let's get some people on there to interview. All that stuff is welcome and useful. Family disappeared at gmailcom. I'd love to get a couple of emails, copies of text, some places that you felt really confusing, and maybe even how you responded, and then we can break down some of that stuff on the show. I think it'd be super fun and super interesting for everyone you and everyone else involved. What was the response? We can find some different places in there and we can kind of dissect them. Go well, was it useful? Was it not useful? Well, that was a great response. What would have happened if we would have tried something like this? And we can start to do some little bit more of a deeper dive into the complexities of what we're talking about. So thank you for coming out to play today. It is wonderful having you.

Speaker 1:

Parental Alienation Anonymous is our free 12-step program. It's a great place to build community, and it's also a place to do emotional and spiritual work on yourself, and that's where the transformation comes from. It's not going to be someone else doing something outside of you. It's always going to be someone doing something inside of you, and the only person doing that is going to be you.

Speaker 1:

And I'll tell you this I was looking for a silver bullet for a long time and I thought nonviolent communication was that silver bullet. But I was the silver bullet right and I had to embody the stuff. I had to work with the stuff. I had to do the stuff over and over again, and the framework of nonviolent communication is really useful, but me doing the emotional, spiritual work to use this in a really useful way has been incredibly transformative, and that's enough out of me. I this in a really useful way has been incredibly transformative, and that's enough out of me.

Speaker 1:

I love you. I hope you're having a beautiful day, I hope to see you around the neighborhood somewhere and, mahalo, thanks for taking the time to join me on this episode of Family Disappeared Podcast. Do you know someone who can benefit from what we're discussing on today's episode? If so, please share this podcast with them and anyone else in your community that might be interested in changing their lives. Together we'll continue the exploring, growing and healing journey. I will see you on our next episode. Until then, happy days to all.