Why Good Moments Still Feel Unsafe | Parental Alienation & PTSD Recovery

In this conversation, Lawrence Joss continues exploring PTSD, nervous system healing, and parental alienation with psychologist Faust Ruggiero. Together, they reflect on what happens after years of survival mode, when reconnection, hope, or positive change finally begins to appear, but the body still reacts with fear, overwhelm, and hypervigilance. Lawrence shares personal reflections on emotional eating, reconnecting with loved ones, and the challenge of staying present when even good moments feel emotionally intense.

Blending lived experience with practical trauma insight, the discussion explores nervous system conditioning, emotional regulation, coping behaviors, support systems, and why healing rarely happens in isolation. Faust offers grounded guidance on recognizing trauma patterns, slowing reactivity, and rebuilding stability through small consistent actions rather than perfection. For parents navigating estrangement, grief, and reconnection, this conversation is a reminder that healing is not about erasing pain, it’s about learning how to live alongside it with greater steadiness, compassion, and self-awareness. Living fully is not giving up, but an act of love and integrity.

Key Takeaways

• Hypervigilance makes safety feel unfamiliar
• Positive emotions can still overwhelm the nervous system
• Trauma responses affect daily coping behaviors
• Emotional eating can become self-soothing
• Reconnection often brings emotional disorientation
• Nervous system healing happens gradually over time
• Support systems reduce emotional isolation
• Healing requires consistency, not perfection
• PTSD impacts both mind and body

Chapters

0:00 - Trauma And The Stuck Alarm
2:44 - Numbing Out With Food
4:37 - Past Memories Collide With Now
9:01 - Process Over Perfect Resolution
12:40 - Trust Shame And Feeling Worthy
17:54 - Breathe First Then Find Facts
20:47 - Spot Body Cues Early
24:27 - DIY Healing Versus Professional Help
26:25 - Supporting Someone With PTSD
28:41 - The PTSD Handbook And Film
32:39 - Final Takeaways And Goodbye

Support & Community:

Parental Alienation Anonymous (PAA): Join our free 12-step support group with 16 online meetings weekly for parents, grandparents, family members, and previously alienated individuals seeking healing and recovery.

PA-A.org: Parental Alienation Advocates is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit dedicated to fostering education, advocacy, and support for individuals grappling with the distressing impact of parental alienation, estrangement, erasure, and family disconnection.

All our services are free and sustained by grants and community donations. Your support helps us continue offering these vital resources.
Donate here: https://pa-a.mykajabi.com/donations-for-the-12-step-program

Connect with Us:
Email your questions or insights: familydisappeared@gmail.com
Like, share, and comment to help us reach more families in need.

If you wish to connect with Lawrence Joss or any of the PA-A community members who have appeared as guests on the podcast:
 
 Email - familydisappeared@gmail.com
 Linktree: https://linktr.ee/lawrencejoss
(All links mentioned in the podcast are available in Linktree)

To learn more or connect with Faust, visit:
https://www.faustruggiero.com/

Please donate to support PAA programs:
https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=SDLTX8TBSZNXS

This podcast is made possible by the Family Disappeared Team:
Anna Johnson- Editor/Contributor/Activist/Co-host
Glaze Gonzales- Podcast Manager

Connect with Lawrence Joss:
Website: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/
Email-         familydisappeared@gmail.com

Transcript

Trauma And The Stuck Alarm

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So when all these things are happening and we're dealing with PTSD and we're dealing with uh trauma and an emotion, the body kicks in and we're in a position where we're not thinking because we're not supposed to. We're supposed to get out or fight our way through it, neither of which help us in these situations. We don't want to fight with the person, we want to resolve it. Running away doesn't resolve it, so we're stuck.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

I'm a crappy parent. I really screwed up. I can't forget or forgive what I did. You know, those some thoughts that you've had at one time or another or right now, do they come and go? You know, why why why do those thoughts keep coming and going? What's actually happening in the body and the mind? You know, what caused those things? Those are the questions I'm asking myself. And I'm asking those questions in good situations and in bad situations. And as I struggle with the complexity of parental alienation, I'm really digging into deeper layers of those. So for me personally, I'm I'm digging into those deeper layers as I start to reconnect with some of my loved ones and get to meet some folks for the first time. Like I'm starting to feel uh overwhelmed all the time. My body's having a hard time calming down, and I'm not getting sued, I'm not getting dragged into court, I'm not losing a job, I'm not moving, I'm just trying to get through life and understand how these positive things uh have similar reactions to negative things because my body's used to being in this hyper-vigilant state. And today we have uh Faust Rugio on the show again, and we're talking about PTSD, and it's a phenomenal conversation. You don't want to miss this episode. And if you missed his other episode, I'd go back and uh check that because it directly relates to this. If you're new to the community, welcome. We are a 501c3 nonprofit. Donate, you know what I mean? Donate to help the next person that hasn't found these resources yet. Donate to help us continue to bring new material to you and add on to what we already have. We also have a free 12-step program, Parental Alienation Anonymous. There's a link in the show notes. All Faust's information is linked in the show notes too. And I feel like I'm butchering his name each time I say that. And please like and share. Let folks know the good work we're doing. And this conversation around PTSD and trauma is focused around parental alienation and families. But the stuff is great for anyone that's struggling with these, and the conversation is relevant. So, with that, let's get into the show.

Numbing Out With Food

SPEAKER_00 2:44

I just want to share this a little bit with you. Like a huge part of my trauma, and if I call it PTSD, I'm not sure if I do. I I gotta sit with that for a little bit, but my a lot of my incentives are around food, a lot of my incentives around from escaping from the emotion and having to stick something in my mouth to chew, to crunch, to whatever, to try to get away from my feelings. And a lot of times I can interrupt that. And when I'm in a healthy place, I can go for a walk or exercise or pick up the telephone and say, hey, well, I'm really stuck and call someone in the community. And a lot of times I just stick, you know, 27 Twixes in my mouth and my body, and it has such a debilitating effect and affects every relationship, every conversation, every everything. So I just want to say if you're struggling with that or any other, it can be shopping, it can be alcohol, drugs, being nice all the time. It manifests in so many different ways, but it's a bypass on our emotions, and we're not doing these really simple things that are spoken about in the show today. And and I'm guilty of that too. And I have a tremendous skill set, at least I think I do, but I can lose that and not have access to it. Just I can't snap my fingers, but I'm trying to. Just like that. This conversation is great. Yeah, giving me a pause to look at some of my behavior over the last couple months that I've been really, really, really struggling, even though I've been dealing with this for 20 some odd years. It's uh it's such a complex thing, and the good stuff is is hard. The hope reappearing is hard, and I want to enjoy the beautiful part of it too. I want to enjoy the beautiful part of it too. I want to enjoy the joy and love of it too, and the the possibilities and the creativity and just staying in the moment. And I'm I'm having trouble with that. And wow, that's a little depressing. But with that, let's let's get into the interview.

Past Memories Collide With Now

SPEAKER_00 4:37

As you're talking about that, the question that's coming up for me is like memory and perception of past events and what's happening in the present and what's already happened, and it all gets so muddled. How does that play into the body and the mind's reaction?

SPEAKER_01 4:51

What we're talking about is we all have a timeline we live on, and that timeline doesn't go away. We either resolve things or we come to terms with things or we enjoy it. What happens if they're not resolved, if we don't put closure on them, they become an undercurrent. They're always there. They operate just below the surface, and all we need to do is have an experience, and it goes back and connects to that negative part of the timeline. Now we have the episode that has occurred, whatever we're living in our lives. For example, you might say a estrangement with a family member, a child, whatever it may be, and I'm going through all this and I feel victimized. But now I go back, I remember when my dad did this, I remember when that bully at school did this, and it's like they all came up together, and now you know they join forces, and I have a whole lot to deal with, and this is me, and I'm never gonna get out of it.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

The amygdala is the part of the brain that keeps track of time and space, but it doesn't really have any measurement of time and space. So when we're talking about this, like everything's coming up, and even if it happened 10 years ago or one minute ago, the brain is not really differentiating of between the timeline that you you were talking about, and now we're stuck in all of us at the same time. So that's more like the neuroscience. Is that accurate?

SPEAKER_01 6:08

That's right. And while that's happening, that lovely body of ours has decided to kick in also, because the brain just said signals. We never get away from fight or flight. That's the thing that comes in our mind, and so now the brain is experiencing something, the body kicks in, and the body says, okay, either let's fight this or let's run. And now there's nothing horrible in front of us, there's nothing to run from, the person's not there, and there's nothing to fight, and we're stuck in it, and now we're reliving this acceleration that's supposed to be a few moments, just enough to get us out of the danger. And now it becomes a situation that has a timeline in and of itself. It's now become a longer situation that wears on the body, that causes the adrenaline to keep pumping as it and it should not. That has the whole nervous system tightened, it has the mind in a position where it's not thinking through things because it's not designed to do things in fight or flight. So when all these things are happening and we're dealing with PTSD, and we're dealing with uh trauma and an emotion, the body kicks in and we're in a position where we're not thinking because we're not supposed to. We're supposed to get out or fight our way through it. Neither of which help us in these situations. We don't want to fight with the person, we want to resolve it. Running away doesn't resolve it, so we're stuck.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Yeah, I've never heard anyone put it quite that way that the mind's not designed. I think you said to process in those situations, you either got to fight or flight, so the actual brain is going offline and it's just not functioning, and like it's not designed to function. That's just an interesting statement. Could you give me a couple of things?

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Yeah, if you put yourself in the situation where someone is going to hit you, you're not gonna say, Let me get the facts here, let me think about what I want to do. You're either gonna say, I have to disable that person so they can't hurt me, or I got to run away. There's no reasoning, that's the fight or flight. It's a natural design put in a, you know, that we have to uh help us survive the moment. That's the key. But when that doesn't have a place to go and the situation stays constant, like abuse that is continuous, like these long family divorces and dysfunctions, now we don't stay in it all the time, but it keeps on coming up. So now our thought processes are not where they need to be. Now we're trying to get away from something or yell at the person, and you know, we get we get into those horrible arguments because we're not thinking through things.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

And I'm gonna like kind of like flip that a little bit, and and myself and a bunch of folks in in the community are going this through this thing where we're starting to reconnect with some of our children.

Process Over Perfect Resolution

SPEAKER_00 9:01

I'll talk for myself. I am stuck in this place that it's good and it's a reconnection, it's not what I think it is gonna be, and it's super complex, but my body has not relaxed completely, and I can't necessarily think through stuff or show up for parts of my life, and there's nothing negative going on, it's all leading towards positive, and I'm metabolizing some negative stuff, but there's still no resolution even in the good, and my body doesn't know the difference.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Interesting point, and and I say this to people all the time: there's no resolution, and I say, okay, in your mind, what does the resolution look like? And that's where they get stumped. I said, You shouldn't have an answer to that question because that's the process. Your mind should be saying, What is the process that I'm gonna use here? How am I going to behave in these situations every day? That's what you have control over. It will then take you to a point of resolution, and we don't know what that's gonna look like. We hope it'd be complete. It might be partial, it might be, it might hold some of the things you want. In fact, some of the things you want may not be as realistic as we think they are. Maybe we get to a point and gee, this is not what I want it to be, but I think I can work with this and we may be able to develop it. So, you know, that's where we drop our boundaries just a little bit, or we say, let me think there's gonna be some change here. I'm not sure I'm gonna be comfortable with it, but let me take it slowly and see where it's going. Because the destination, whether it's that or just the destination for five years from my life, it doesn't matter because I can't know what's gonna happen there. I can go day to day to day, life's a journey, but the destination I have no control over. And if another person is involved in it, am I controlling them so that I can get to my destination? Probably not. What you're talking about is gonna be a collaboration, and that destination is gonna be defined by the process we use to get there.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

So then I'm hearing whether it's it's a good or negative, you know, it's not fighting someone, it's reconnecting with someone, but it still kicks in the same activation in the body and the brain. And then I'm hearing w talking to someone, looking at the arc, and practicing actually what might feel good, but might not be this idyllic, you know, Snow White and the Seven Dorps outcome, is really part of the process, is really practicing something that's practical versus something that's more based in some kind of attachment to some kind of fantasy or something that you thought family was, you know.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah. For me, it's when I get up every day, these are the things I should be doing today. Am I doing these? At the end of the day, did I do all those things the right way? That's what I have control over. If I keep doing that, it's going to come to a resolution. I cannot control what the other side does. I can control what I do, and that's where I'm going to get my peace. Because in the end, whether it gets to where I want it to be or not, I can pull back and say, I did everything that I could have, and I'm at peace with myself. I have to be at peace with myself before I can be at peace with them.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

I love that. And everything you've spoken about, you know, the body, the mind, the diet, the exercise, everything supports you going through that process. I love that. And how does this play out in PTSD? Like you're around people that aren't involved in your situation whatsoever, but it becomes hard to feel safe and hard to trust other people that aren't even involved within the family dynamic. Is that related to the trauma and the PTSD

Trust Shame And Feeling Worthy

SPEAKER_00 12:40

response?

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Yeah, sure it is. You know, when I treat PTSD, people think, you know, they'll come in and say, okay, fine, let's start working on my problem. And I say, well, you've got PTSD, so what we know is your trust level is going to be way down. So let's you and I just build a little rapport here. Let's make sure you trust me. That's what I do in any of the counseling I do is let's make sure that you and I enjoy the process that we're gonna be working with. We're back to that word process again. If you can say that, yeah, you know what, I trust him and I I like what we're doing, and little by little I can do it because change doesn't happen in huge jumps. It happens in small increments. We we know this. So I you know, incrementally I want to get you to the point that you trust me and that you work our program that we're putting putting together, you and I, and you continue to work it the rest of your life, then you the chances of you being happy and efficient in your life, you know, really begin to skyrocket at that point.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

I love that, and yeah, and building a baseline with people. And then there's this other thing with the this not trust and new people, like there's a lot of like shame and guilt that comes out of some of these situations, whether they have a good or negative connotation, and also out of neutral situations that we're talking about meeting someone new or not being able to trust people. Like, how does shame and guilt play into this whole recipe of BTSD?

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Well, along with that comes the idea that I am not worthy. So that's another thing where you know, if I feel I'm not worthy, you say to me, What a great guy you are. I think you're lying. I think that you you're just trying to uh you know make me feel good or whatever it may be, but I'm not worthy of this. What am I worthy of? Uh the shame that got me here, the guilt that I should be feeling because of whatever I'm not supposed to do, and what everyone has told me about how horrible I am and how I won't measure up. And I've internalized it. So now when you get to those highs and you get to that all those positive things, I say it's like uh, you know, I'm going shopping for a shirt and it doesn't fit, no matter what you do, no matter how you alter it, it's not uh it's not gonna fit. And uh until I get to the point that I'm willing to try the shirt on and say, okay, let me make I gotta make some changes, I can do that, and I am worthy of it. I may need to do some work here, but I'm as good as anybody else, and I deserve what anyone else can have. When I get myself to that point, I can take on uh the challenges and I can I can find myself making improvements. But otherwise, I'll fight against myself because I believe what you told me.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Yeah, no, I totally resonate with that, with the with the worthy piece and just being worthy of like joy and happiness and play, you know, just like some real simple things that are generally reserved and saved for our children, like getting back to those places to be worthy of doing those things just on a regular basis with someone at Starbucks, I find to be one of the most challenging things because it feels like uh feels like I'm cheating on my kids somewhere down deep inside of me that this is saved and in a reservoir, so I'm I'm resourced for them when I hopefully one day get to fully, you know, reintegrate them.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

I'll tease people a bit when I say this, but I say it life is sort of like Facebook, you know, you see all the pictures and we're all having a great time. Uh but if you know the people, it's not true. Uh that they may be doing some fun things, but they're all going through with hell just like everyone else is. So when you talk about being worthy, there is a huge component in this that you want to avoid, and that is not to compare yourself with anyone else. You are your own person. The very fact that you compare will bring on envy, and envy will be your undoing. You will always come up less than if you are comparing. Unless you're an arrogant person and you compare because you want to make believe you're above everyone else. But it's the same thing. Don't compare. Live your life, be happy with you, love yourself. That's what you're working on here. Feel good about yourself. Then go on day by day, work those processes, do the things you have to do, and stay consistent. Don't give up. Another thing about destination people is when they get to where they think things should have changed and they didn't, they say, see? Why am I even bothering with this? The point is, it'll change when it changes as long as you, but plug in every day.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

I love that. Plug in every day. It's going to change when it changes. It will. The destination might look different than you thought it would. That's uh that's super funny. That for some reason that really tickles me because that's I see that happening over and over and over and over again with everyone.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

You know, people come in and they say, Oh, I'm so glad you helped me. What's it like to have no problems? And I just look at and I ask a question. I say, would you want to come to me for my advice if I never experienced any of these hardships? Wouldn't my experience of them help you? Because now you can say, Oh, you did that and you came through it. There is a way out of this, it is possible. So, you know, totally works.

Breathe First Then Find Facts

SPEAKER_00 17:54

And uh that that's very sweet. I'm gonna move into some like practical tools now, just to give people maybe some things that they can use potentially today or another day. But uh when someone feels like like triggered or something's really kicking them up and this is in real time, like what are like one or two things you would suggest someone to do, or maybe something that they could use to kind of reground themselves or regulate or do something like that in in in like an actual just in a five minutes from now situation?

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Staying consistent with what I've been talking about, Lawrence, is number one, you want to get your body down a little bit. One of the easiest ways to do this, and I say do it all day long, learn how to control your breathing. Instead of doing this, because that's what we do when we get in those situations, deep slow breaths, fill your lungs with oxygen. That actually helps you concentrate on that, helps your body start to deflect some of those uh difficult things, gives it a chance to decompress. Uh, while you're doing that, focus on your breathing because you know what you just did, you took your mind off the problem and you focused it on something else. So now you've taken your body down just a little bit, you've taken your mind off the problem, and you've taken your emotions and said, Let me just I'll put those over there for now. And when you do that, and your body goes down just a little bit, then you say, Okay, what are the facts? What do I have to do here? It's the old story. What I do in the first three to five seconds is how I'm gonna follow through. So if my first response is to say, wait a minute, let me just take a breath here, clear, you know, focus on my breathing, get off this problem for a minute. Now, let me look at the facts. I have to find the facts here. There's a difference between the facts and my interpretation of the facts before I involve myself in tearing into those. You know, first we we confuse our emotion about the facts with the facts. Our emotion is those are not facts, those are our feelings about something. I just tell people get the facts and emote on those. Accurate emotions. They really work to your advantage. Breathing first, focus on that.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

I love that breathing, getting the body to settle a bit, get in out of your mind, and then you know, focusing on what the facts are and what they aren't. And I'm guessing if you're in a place where you can't discern that, just stay with the breathing and maybe ask someone for help that's not so involved in the situation. Maybe they can help you settle something or pull pieces that aren't really happening in the moment. And as this is happening and people are having these responses, are there specific patterns we can recognize in the body before they escalate?

Spot Body Cues Early

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Are there any kind of like key metrics that we can start to go, oh wow, my toes tight. I need to like what would you say about that?

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Yeah, you know, everybody feels it first in a different place. Some people will feel those stomach muscles tighten, you know, your hands or whatever it may be. As soon as you feel those changes and and they are related to a bit of acceleration, you know you're there. That at that moment, if you can at that moment disconnect, go somewhere else, start the breathing, do whatever you have to do, at that point, that's where where you look at it. A lot of times people will come in and say, Well, this happened, and then I started doing all these things, and I say, Why didn't you leave? Why didn't you do these other things? Did you feel your body tighten? Yes. What did you do? Nothing. I just I was trying to think about how to what I should do there. I said, if your body's tightening, your first order of business is get your body to calm down. The other thing about all this calming stuff I'm talking about, if you think you're going to apply it again, only in a crisis situation, that's not going to work. It'll take you down a little bit. Learn how to calm. Calm your body down routinely. The interesting thing about trauma and PTSD and all these family things we're talking about is people tend to be living at an accelerated pace, but that became their norm, so they don't identify it. So on a scale of one to ten, they may be at a five or six all the time, but that's their norm, and that's okay. Then the trigger happens and they go to an eight and they say, How did I get here? Well, you should have been at a two, not a five. In our routine days, those are the things the people that do the breathing or pray or meditate or do yoga, do those self-care things that take you down routinely so your body decelerates and is at a level that is more efficient and healthier in the long run. Then when you need that energy, it'll be there for you. Like good energy.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

That's great. And if we just take it to kind of like a simple example, like a lot of people have issues with food, right? And they hit a stress response, good, negative, bad, whatever it is. And the first indication is hey, let me stick something in my mouth to get some kind of relief. And now they're up in their head. So in something like that, you're like, hey, move your body, get back into your body. Is that life like I simplified what you're saying? Is that exactly what you're saying?

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Absolutely. And those are real telltale signs. You know, I feel this, so I have to do this. I'm gonna get something to eat. I'm gonna go get a drink. I'm gonna grab some marijuana, I'm gonna do something. I've just done something to make myself calm down, but I'm not thinking that I should be doing something so that I don't get to the point that I need to do those things to calm down. That's the key. I'm not advocating not using uh marijuana or not drinking it. Those are your choices. But if you're going to do those, you should be doing them for enjoyment, I guess, you know, or medicinal purposes. But if I'm doing them because I absolutely need them at that moment, that's a tip-off to me that I need to be doing something else. I don't want to get to that moment where I have to jump into it.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Yes, no, not totally interrupting that, identifying it, getting the body cues, moving the body, and I love the breathing, just getting back into your body, do something, one simple tiny thing, and practice that for a while, and then I guess you just add on

DIY Healing Versus Professional Help

SPEAKER_00 24:27

to that. And so there's this thing like, hey, we're struggling, we have trauma, we have PTSD, and now we have two choices, right? We can try and fix this ourselves, or we can go see a professional. You know, like what what is that intersection look like, and what are the damages of trying to just do it by yourself or go into a professional or maybe all the mixed bag of both of them?

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Well, the problem is when we do it to our ourselves, usually we're we're trying to rush it. We we we want to get this thing over with. The other problem is that normalization process doesn't tell us that something's wrong. We do it every day. We live with it, we know how to live with it. Example, a woman is abused by her husband, and she calls the police and they throw him out and he comes back. And it keeps on happening, and the woman keeps letting him back. And they say, Well, something's wrong with that woman, and I say, No, they're not. The whole structure of the brain actually changes so that when the person is not there, they can't function because it's been so normalized. That's what's happened. And we take women out of those situations and we give them time to rethink and the brain to renormalize on some other healthy ways of living, and they throw these people out and they move on. So doing it yourself means you have to be able to see all the signs, to be able to be proactive and catch them early, to be able to say, I'm going off track and not play a game with it. Well, I'll just do this today. When you bounce it off someone else, they're gonna say, Why did you do that? You would never have asked the question. And it may be something very small or maybe something larger. But what it does is it keeps the program on a straight line. That's what you want.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Got it. Yeah, having the additional support, the additional eyes, someone that's not involved in the actual situation and trauma sounds incredibly useful. And there's a lot of stuff we can also do to empower ourselves, which you've said throughout the conversation.

Supporting Someone With PTSD

SPEAKER_00 26:25

I'm curious because the whole family system is affected, right? So everyone has some form of trauma where they classify it as PTSD or not. But how can someone support a loved one who's clearly showing some sort of trauma or PTSD? Like what can someone do in that moment, maybe to de-escalate support in any way?

SPEAKER_01 26:46

The first thing is that don't. Don't try to tell them what to do, don't point out what they're doing wrong, don't try to give them advice because they're probably not going to take it. Listen to them, ask them questions. You know, I'm not understanding, so help me understand. So, what you're doing is you're building that trust where they'll they're saying, okay, you are listening. You are trying to get this. When you do that and you establish that, they're more willing to listen to you. And while you're doing that, go online. Get some information about what they're experiencing. If it's PTSD, if it's abuse in their background, get that so that when you go back and listen to them, you might ask a question. Oh, you know, I saw this. Is that does that apply to you? So that they see that, well, gee, you know, you're willing to go get the information. You're not telling me what to do, you're not trying to be an expert because you will, I guarantee you, you're not. So don't you don't want to do that. And the goal is to eventually help them to move in the direction of help from a professional who has an expertise in what they're dealing with.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

I like that. Ask questions, uh, do research and not react. You know what I mean? Not get involved in it, not try to give them advice or anything like that, and just kind of like walk next to them.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Stay there. If they're talking to you, you know, if you come home and you begin to tell me a story and I'm saying, yeah, and I'm walking away and I'm doing you're saying, are you listening to me? Sit, make eye contact, slow the pace down, let them know I'm here for you for the duration. Say what you gotta say. Let's talk about it. That's invaluable.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

That's rich. That's that's beautiful. And uh, we're getting close to wrapping up here. And I I want you to just you know, let the community know about the this new PTSD handbook that you've put together and anything else you think might be super valuable that they'd be able to, you know, follow up, go onto your website, take a look at what you might be offering or already have out there for a while.

The PTSD Handbook And Film

SPEAKER_01 28:41

Sure. You know, uh when I wrote the book, and after having years of uh dealing with people with PTSD, I I said that's where I backed up and said, okay, what do I want to do here? I want to provide information first. So when I write my books, I my chapters are smaller, seven, eight pages, something like that. And I put all the information about the particular topic in the chapter, then I put action steps. Key to moving forward is to have action steps on all the information that you're uh that that you're processing. It's great to have information, but then it's what do I do with it? And I'm very practical in the way I do things. So I wanted to give the people the information. I wanted to bring them through from trauma to PTSD and show how that whole thing happens. The mind-body connection. I want it that's all in there. Uh, I wanted them to understand what PTSD is and all the steps, all the there are there are different types of PTSD, and there's all different steps that people go through. I wanted them to understand that, and then I wanted to provide a roadmap to get them into help. So, this is how you get into help. These are all the questions you need to ask. This is what you're going to experience in those situations so you can see it, and this is what you want to look for. This is uh I I even give them the questions to ask the counselor, everything. Um, that's what I wanted to put out in the books. That's what the book's all about. The fix your PTSD handbook is all about that. And then we're doing a documentary, we're just getting ready to hopefully to start filming it all about PTSD. Back about nine years ago, we had a in in in Las Vegas, Nevada, we had a shooting where 70 over 70 people were killed. And a friend of mine was running in and out. He was there running and out carrying wounded people and uh uh out of out of the uh concert venue. And this one, he did this for hours upon hours, and you know, tabbed a hero, and then a month later things weren't looking so good, and he was reliving the whole episode. And the next thing he knew he was in PTSD and went down for a few years, found the necessary help, had family and friends and his faith and everything, and uh came through it, and it's now touring the nation on his experience and how to come through PTSD. So that's on tap. We'll be hopefully filming that by the end of this year.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

That sounds incredible. And the way that you explained your handbook and how you put everything together and you used a word previously in our conversation, that's one of my favorite words, which is efficient. You know, like I really appreciate efficiency in my life and getting from point A to point B and understanding the process because that's that's how my mind works, and that you're able to put that and articulate that in a book and provide those resources for people, I think is incredible.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Oh, thank you.

unknown 31:31

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

I'm checking, is there anything you feel like you haven't said that you'd like to add on before we we say our goodbyes? And and uh yeah, this has been fantastic and informative and was such a such a nice simple interview. I really appreciated it.

SPEAKER_01 31:44

Yeah, I I would close by telling people, no, you've been victimized. This is what happened to you. Trauma, PTSD, whatever in your life, that happened to you. That is not who you are, that's what happened to you. Try not to own it, try not to let that internal victim take over your life. Know that you are worthy of change, know that your brain is able to be retrained and to be happy and efficient, as we've talked about. And you're worthy of every good thing in life. You need to know that there's a power inside you, you just have to learn how to access it. That's all.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

That's beautiful, wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to chat with us. And there's so many other questions I have, so we'll be hopefully reaching out to you in the future if you're still open to it to continue the conversation. Absolutely. Yeah, and uh yeah, thank you so much, really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Thanks, been a pleasure.

Final Takeaways And Goodbye

SPEAKER_00 32:39

Wow, yeah, wow. Like, let's just go with wow, wow. Like that was super cool and practical and useful and something that I can implement today. Yeah, and I love that there's a handbook that can actually take you through the PTSD, identifying it, what happened, finding it in your body, and support you in going to get additional help if that's what you choose and question to ask, you know, professionals and stuff like that. And the body of work that FOST has is wonderful, practical, and useful, and such a great guest. And I'm super excited to hopefully have him back on the show in the future. And uh, thank you for coming out and playing in the sandbox today. And I hope you enjoyed the show. Please like, share, you know, comment. You can email you know the show directly at family disappeared at gmail.com. Love to hear any thoughts, questions, ideas. We are a 501c3 nonprofit. I hate having to say that over and over again, but we need your support to continue welcoming in other people that haven't necessarily found these resources. And I don't think I want to say anything else. So in case no one's told you yet today, I love you. Thanks for being part of this community and being on this journey, and it's a crappy journey to be on. But you know, we have an opportunity to affect our own personal spaces and communities and interactions in a different kind of way as we navigate through this work of coming home and finding ourselves. That's it. This is my Hawaii sign. We'll see you around the neighborhood somewhere sometime soon.