The Friendship Within

Friendship starts from within. In this episode, I share how being kind to yourself helps you show up better for others. Tune in for a heart-to-heart about growing friendships by starting with the most important relationship of all—the one you have with yourself. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:03

Hi there and welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm Four Comment, a wife, a part-time working mom, and a full-time believer in making the most of every joyful and sometimes busy moments of raising an only child. If you're ready for real stories, plenty of laughter and parenting tips, you're in the right place. So let's dive into this adventure together. Hi and welcome. You are listening to the Family of One podcast with For your friend. And today our topic is friendship. Now you're wondering why she's talking about friendship in the tone like that. Well, I wanted to say these words. I don't know why I'm pausing. But if you want to have a friend, yep, you need to be a friend. I'm gonna say it again. If you want to have a friend, you need to be a friend. And the good place I like to remind my friends, or even to my daughter, is where do you start? A good place to start is yourself. Yeah, you need to be a friend to yourself, and how can you do that? It's by being kind to yourself. Give yourself grace, give yourself a hug, you know, kind hands, kind arms. Well, I was gonna say each part of the body, but just be kind to yourself. Why? Because you are amazing, and when you are amazing and you're saying kind words to yourself, honestly, you're saying kind words to your soul, you start to feel good about yourself, and then you can be kind to others, so that's always a good place to start, and so continue on with that. You know, what's it like for me to continue to build friendships and stay with um, you know, keeping my friends as a mom who's working part-time compared to when I was a stay-at-home mom full-time. I tell you what, it's a difference because working part-time, I've noticed I haven't met my friends, you know, regularly, face-to-face. It's generally I've noticed I've texted more, messaged them more, um, I've just connected through them on Facebook, um, or just when we're passing by, if I see them uptown or at church, or if I have an event, I will sit next to them. That's one way. Um, but otherwise, this season I've just noticed uh where I would before when I was a full-time stay-at-home mum, I would meet them at least two to three times a month, and that may that may be be for about um two hours, and I've noticed now since working part-time, if I do meet them, it's like an hour, and it's generally on a weekend because weekends work better for me, um, with Olivia's schedule and me working part-time, because working part-time, by the time I get home, I work first shift, so I work I go into work roughly 10:30, sometimes a little bit earlier, and I can get home um maybe two, no, three o'clock, and sometimes five. And so I am and then you know, I come home, I do her chores, you know, I've got things to do, help with Olivia and her activities and you know, other commitments. So during the weekdays, it's really it's just not gonna happen for me unless I'm going to an event and my friends sign and I'm meeting my friends there because they're also participating in that event, which is very rare that I would go to an event during the weekday, unless it's work-related and they happen to be in the same event or go in the same conference, whatever, that's awesome. But it would be the weekend, and even the weekend, because of Barn Chores and Olivia's, you know, she has her activities, equestrian activities. Um, I'm still not going to as much as I would like. I would really have to be intentional and block out that an hour or two hours. And my friends are so kind. And what makes it a lot easier for me, honestly, is because my friends, my husband and their husbands, uh, their husbands, they are best buddies, and so when my husband and his friends meet, you know, the wives, we will get together as well, which really helps, and so that's a bonus. If you, you know, your husband and you get on well with um the wife. Oh, that's so nice because his friend, and you know, you have your friend. I don't even know if that makes sense, but it's so much nicer. But also, you know, he has his own friends and you have your own friends. So I notice in certain friends, like I will text them more, and then the others, honestly, I would message, and maybe and some of them I just zoom. And it just works out that we zoom, or uh when late at night, honestly, when it's probably bedtime, and then I'm just messaging. That's when I notice my other friend is not sleeping too, and we'll just message each other, or during the day we'll send um send some random, you know, like funny clips. So I'm just saying, um, it's okay, and your friends, you know, the ones you want to keep when they're not giving you like grief about when are we gonna meet? Oh my goodness, can't believe it. You're not such a you're not a good friend. You know, if those friends uh continue to give you negative words or not uplifting words during this season, you may want to have a break from them and put some boundaries in place because you can tell the ones you want to keep are the ones who are saying that's okay, you know, we're just thinking of you, and it's alright that you don't meet up. We'll just catch you the next time you're available, and then you know, like, oh thank goodness. Because there's gonna be times where you want to meet your friends, and there might be one or two, because you know they're in that season where they're busy as well, and so you want to be that understanding friend and let them know it is okay, as much as you want to meet with them, but you know, you want to be un understanding too, and say that's okay. Um I just want to see you uh see how you're doing, and the next time you're available, just love to catch up. Now, when you're saying that, you know, I hope you're truly meaning it. And you're not like, oh my goodness, I'm not a good friend. They're trying to diss and avoid me. I mean, honestly, they're just really busy, but you'll know if they're really trying to avoid you if they have not replied back after some time. Like, seriously, like, and don't be offended, like sometimes when I send a message to someone and she didn't get back to me maybe two weeks or three weeks, she sent me a text and she said, Oh my goodness, I really thought I'd reply back to you, just letting you know that I was out of town, and yeah, we'll catch up some time. And like, that is okay, and also sometimes you know, you have friends come in your life, and as much as you want to spend time with them, it's just maybe they have other plans, or maybe you know they've moved on. I don't know, friends, and then you know, I bet you there's someone that you they want to be friends with you, and you're like if I have another person that I have to meet, and I just cannot cram them all in, it's gonna be too overwhelming. So it's okay. I would just say just go at your pace because you don't want to overwhelm you, you don't want to meet a friend if you really don't want to meet them. Seriously, that you just during this time in my life, I really need to take care of myself. I am a person who will cram so much in, and I'll meet so many people that it is becomes overwhelming, and on the inside, I'm crying because I just want to have some time, I want to have some space, I want to have quiet time, pots around the house, and not talk to anyone and do nothing, and that is okay. So as you're meeting friends, and I know you want to get together with them, just look at your schedule and be honest with yourself and say, Hey, I can meet you, I can't meet you here and there, but maybe we catch up later. And honestly, have I done that well? Some days are better, some days are good, truly. Some days I'm like, uh, I promise this person I'm gonna meet with them, and it'll be all good once I get there. But getting myself ready, I'm like, oh I just wanted to sleep and why did I say I've got to get up at you know early o'clock in this early to go and meet them for coffee? Well, I just want to stay in my pajamas. But once I'm there, I'm really thankful. And some friendships, honestly, some friendships you just it's worth the investment. So it really depends what you are wanting out of that friendship too. I mean, and maybe for you you're listening to this, and it's like it's slim pickings, I really don't have a lot of friends. I only have like I hardly don't I don't know anyone in this town, and so I'm just as soon as there's a heartbeat, and you know, there's a heartbeat, and a lady's walking by and she's smiling, I really want to be a friend, I just really want to talk to someone, you know, and it may not be your first choice, so you really gotta ask yourself is this person once you get to know them and you got a good vibe about them, and they're giving you like positive, really good encouragement, they're not putting you down, or they're not putting their husband down. Oh my goodness, it can be draining when you're meeting people and other wives. I honestly I know there's a time and place where you get upset and you want to share stories, and I get it, but after a while, for me, I tend to not focus on I really it's hard for me to to listen to someone who is not encouraging their family consistently. Like I know there's a time where oh okay, um this person my husband or child is just driving me nuts, I get it, but if they're constantly doing that every I mean, every time you're me. I mean if you like that kind of conversation, then okay, but for me, that is honestly that doesn't lift me up. That would I would need to break in the room by leaving and letting them know hey, I've had a wonderful time um meeting you and I'm glad you can share that. But the next time they call, I most likely would tell them I'm just not available and I'll meet them later on. Meaning, I probably would say, um I probably will meet them in a group, like with a large group, like 10 people. So at least I have five people that I can listen to otherwise. So you probably laugh, you're like, what is this? What has this got to do with friendships? Well, friendships is a lot of flavor. So what do you want in a friendship? Uh, it might be different for you during part-time for me. Um making new friends is more of acquaintances, so I'll be like seeing people say hi to them, but I generally wouldn't I'm at that sta I'm at this stage right now where I won't I'm not asking for people like new people that I don't know. Hey, would you like to I would love to get to know you. Would you like to have a coffee? Or uh, you know, how about our kids getting together? I don't at this stage I am not looking for that type of friendship. Um I'm just really staying with the friends that I got. And it's honestly just like I can, I mean, probably like five people trying to consistently stay with in my local town. Uh yes, I have other friends um that live further away that is connect to on, you know, texting and messaging and Zoom and that. But even the ones here that live in my hometown, I just at this moment just have space for them. And I'm okay with that. And so it's okay to say no to certain friendships, so you can say yes to other things. And you know, my friends, I was talking to her, a good friend of mine, and she'll say, not everyone is um, you're not gonna be friends or close friends with everyone. I mean, yeah, you're gonna love them, you're gonna wish them the best, but for them to have your time, you know, and not everybody's gonna have that. And I was like, Yeah, you're right, because you know, you have priorities and you got commitments, you have family, and time is precious. Look, I work as a senior citizen community, and time is precious, and so if in order for me to, you know, meet with people regularly and invest with them, it's because you know they put so much, they offer so much value to my life, and they also they bring a lot of value to my family, they're encouraging not only to me, but they're encouraging to my dreams, they're encouraging to my husband and my child, and you know, they always want the best for me, and uh and you know, we just have a great time, and that's the type of friendships I'm wanting, and I learn from them. And so if you're friends, if you're at that stage where you are also working apart-time, and maybe you just have one friend and you really enjoy that person and you love meeting them, that's awesome. But if you're like, no, I didn't even have the one person, I had one person, but we're not friends anymore. I really encourage you to continue to you know just take time for yourself again and take that step out and faith and go meet someone, and you're like, we are I'm working part-time. Well, maybe you have a co-worker, a female friend, a co-worker that is kind, and you maybe just meeting them at lunch break, you know what I mean? Maybe it's the lunch break, or when you have meetings at work, or depending on what you're doing, you know, they seem like a person who you get on well with at work. I would start there. Um, because I don't know, when I was working, I have like I don't meet this lady outside of work, but once a month we will try and have lunch together. I would consider her a friend. So you want to start different places at different places where you're consistently you know meeting people and you like them. That is the key. And you can just be yourself, be your awesome self that you are, and so because you know, with working part-time, and then you know, a child, or maybe you're like, you know, I do have a friend, or maybe you don't want to have a friend. You're like, no, I don't want to have a friend because it puts a lot of time and energy. Honestly, if you're a friend and you have to put a lot of energy and time into this relationship, and you are not getting anything, it's not a good investment. I would say it may be best to move on to something else to another friend, and also because you want to have a good friendship, because your child is like maybe your child is also wanting to have new friends, and that's why you are a good teacher because you're teaching themselves, like, where's the first day? Well, I like myself because God loves me, and I'm awesome. So you tell yourself that you're awesome. I tell my daughter, look, you know, to be a if you want to have a friend, you need to be a friend, be a friend to yourself, say awesome things about you first, say how wonderful you are because you are, and you speak that you know, you speak that life into her because as you're helping your child. Make friends, she's gonna see you how you make friends up with other people, and what that looks like. I mean, oh my goodness, as a seven-year-old navigating, building friendships. This is what I learned about seven-year-olds. Some days her friends, she loves her friends, and other days she just needs a break, like they need a break from her, and she needs to break from them, and because interest it changes, and that's okay. And I said, that's alright if you're not close to them as you were before. Uh, everybody likes things differently. Uh, and so that's okay if you have other friends. It's always good to have uh other friends because sometimes that friend is gonna be going away on vacation, or the other friend is gonna be busy one activity, or your activity changes, and you're not gonna see them anymore, and they want to see you. Oh, their parents just can't, you know, they can't you can't see them because their parents are busy and they can't bring them there, and I can't drive you over to their house, and so it's always good to have different friends at different locations, and that way, you know, you're helping your child also to navigate that process and that journey of friendships. So I'm hoping as you are you know finding and you're building a friendship for you, you know, it'll be good for your child too, and you can have those discussions, what that really looks like, and you know, I don't know, um, but you notice I don't talk friendships, uh I only talk friendships with female to female. If you're asking me like, oh, what would have I have a friendship with opposite sex? Well, I'm gonna tell you the only friends I have that are male friends, it's because they were my husband, is his best buddies. And uh, but I don't personally have a best male friend. I did when I was single, but when as soon as I got married, you know, for me, uh it changed because now my husband, he's my best friend, and my male friends, they got married, and now their wives are their best friends, so the conversation is very different. So if you have someone you're gonna talk about when I'm talking about friends, I'm talking about female to female. That's what you're gonna get from this podcast whenever I'm talking about friendships. In saying that, I want to say that you are an amazing person. You are, and you're listening is because I wanted to let you know that seriously, you are doing the best you can with the time that is given. Uh, you are a stay-at-home mom, or you're a part-time, your mom working a part-time job, and you're raising an only child, and you know, you're building friendships as well, not only with people in your community, but you're continuing to build the friendship with yourself because you're gonna say kind things to yourself, and if you haven't said anything kind to yourself, you should say it now. Say, soul, you are amazing, and mean it and give yourself a hug and breathe in, breathe out, and say, give yourself a hug, and as you're saying it, say, I love my body, body, thank you for allowing me to do the things that I need to do to take care of my family. I mean, when I'm working at the when I'm doing barn chores like this morning, I was picking up horse poop as you do out in the paddock. I was looking at my hands and I was thinking that I have two hands that can hold the shovel to pick up the poop, and I have legs that are good legs that can walk across the paddock to carry the bucket, help me, but my hands and my body walking across the paddock, and I say that, and it's like really, I do. I think each part of my body is because I am grateful. Because someone's out there, you know, there's quite a few people that have hands that don't work as well, or maybe their legs don't work as well, or maybe they just cannot walk anymore. I don't know, it's just different. So I'm always thankful for what I have, and I'm always going to be my biggest cheerleader. I am, I'm the biggest cheerleader for myself, and yes, do I have days where I'm like, oh, Baham bug me down in the dance? I do, and then I quickly, you know, I get out of it by saying, Well, you gotta smap out of it because you got laundry to do, or you know, turn that frown upside down. I don't know. I generally maybe because I've always been a happy person, or I'm maybe there's times, or maybe it's just because there's certain times that season where I'm just like and I eat chocolate, I don't know, that builds me back up, but it's because I know who loves me, and you know, my faith in the Lord, so I know how much he cares, and so if he cares enough for me and he loves me so much, I gotta love myself. So if you're wondering what is she going on about, I'm just letting you know, you're listening to this, you are an amazing person, and you have so much, and I want to say thank you for giving your friendship and sharing your friendship to someone else because you are building sunshine, and you're just um just the warmth you bring is absolutely amazing, and the encouraging words that you're giving to another mom, or maybe it's not a mom, maybe it's someone in your community, someone at the post office, or someone at the shop, or someone in your neighborhood or a neighbor. Thank you for smiling to them and letting them know that you see them because recognizing another human being in a positive way is so awesome. Okay, then that is today's podcast. Being a friend. So if you want a friend, you gotta be a friend, and just start with yourself, be kind to yourself. Thank you for listening to the Family of One podcast. You are the best mama for your only child, and you're the best wife for your husband, and you are wonderful. This is four, and I will see you. Well, I don't know why I say C because it's not a video, it's a podcast. I will um catch you in the next episode. Bye.