The Advice We Keep

Ever had someone give you parenting advice that made you think, Yeah… that’s not happening or maybe I will give that ago? You’re not alone! In this episode, I’m sharing three pieces of advice that actually worked for me as a mum of an only child—because let’s be real, not every tip fits every family (or every sanity level).

Tune in for some relatable laughs and helpful insights, and if you enjoy this episode, remember to like, subscribe, and share—it really helps!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:03

Hi there and welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm Four Comment, a wife, a part-time working mom, and a full-time believer in making the most of every joyful and sometimes busy moments of raising an only child. If you're ready for real stories, plenty of laughter and parenting tips, you're in the right place. So let's dive into this adventure together. Welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. So my name is Four. Yes, you heard it right. Like the number four. Today's podcast is about advice. So when you find out you're pregnant and when you're having a baby shower and all of that goodness and fun stuff, you get people who give you a lot of advice. And some advice can be good, and some advice you're thinking, tried it, it didn't work out for me. Well, I received some, I'm just gonna pick the ones that were really, really good for me. It worked for me. So maybe it may not be good for you. But the one advice that I really, really, really appreciated, and it was from my sister, is when your baby sleeps, you sleep. I mean, it sounds simple. When your baby sleeps, you sleep. That worked for me, one because my husband, he worked full-time, and his work schedule at that time was very different. So I think he worked like he went in maybe at 10 o'clock in the morning, per se, per se, I don't know, say per se, for example, and then he'll come home in the evening. And the times when I had Olivia by myself being a first-time mom and with one child, that is a lot. And so I wanted to really give that one a go. And what I liked about it when she was sleeping, I really went to sleep. I thought that I would like in my mind, oh, I gotta do laundry, you know, I've got to do the dinner, I gotta clean up this room, I have to do this and do that. I'm like, I was actually surprised at myself that when I had her sleeping and I would put her in her own baby cart, because I had her baby cot right next to my bed. Uh, so I did not, I know some people will practice maybe you sleeping with your baby. I didn't do that. I had her own baby cot and I just pushed it all the way next to my side of the bed, and so we're in two separate beds, but we were right close to each other, and then I I went to sleep straight away, and believe me, mums, when she woke up, I woke up too. Um, and I enjoyed that because I I didn't one, I didn't realize how much I needed that nap. If she slept for an hour, I slept for an hour, or she slept a little bit longer, I slept longer. And I just kept doing that. And so when I woke up, when she woke up, I woke up, and yeah, there'd be times I woke up a little bit early, but those power naps or those nap times, and because she was on a schedule, so I kind of knew when she was gonna go to sleep, and I will prep myself, and I actually worked around that schedule when to meet people, when to do the dishes, when the cleaning was gonna get done, when we're gonna have meals, meaning me. So it really worked, and then yeah, her sleeping schedule started to change, and thank goodness I don't know about your child, but I was so thankful that Olivia, one, she was a good baby, meaning she slept well and she slept long and she didn't need a lot of time to really go to sleep most times. I mean, when I put her down and I was next to her, she went to sleep. I was thinking, but I mean, as she got older, she was like, no, I don't want to go to sleep anymore. And the funny thing is, I'm like, but mama wants to go to sleep. I am tired. What happened to the child that wanted to go to sleep? So if you're thinking, maybe like you want to give that a go. I I was telling a friend, I was telling a really good friend of mine, I said, look, if you want to go to sleep when your baby goes to sleep, go ahead. Because if you don't, you may now maybe you're listening like, well, I I don't like to go to sleep, and that's fine. But for the rest of us who want to go to sleep, you know, just go to sleep. And I've met some mums who didn't do that, they were the opposite. That time they really, you know, they use that time to get things done, whatever they had on that list. And so that's what I'm saying, whatever works for you, and you can try out both. Uh what, because you know, you gotta find your own rhythm, you gotta find what works best for you, and it's gonna give you energy, and it's gonna feed your you know, your mind, your emotion, everything. Because I mean, and depending to if you have someone helping you, like you have a grandma with you, you have like an auntie and uncle or a family member coming in. Oh, that's even better. Uh, like the first time when I had Olivia the first month, uh, when she was born, I had my sister. My sister was here, and she helped me the first month, and I was thinking having a baby and looking after them, woohoo! There, I mean, I had a living nanny, my sister was helping me, she was there emotionally, she was there um helping me spiritually, she was praying over me, she cooked me yummy meals, she uh she bathed Olivia, and not only that, because she was a lot further ahead. Uh her daughter is you know 20s at that time. She and also she helped raise a lot of children, and she also raised me as well. She was a um, she was the older sister. I mean, I'm like, wow, and then she left. Yeah, she had to go back to her husband because I could only have it for one month, and her family needed him, so she lived in New Zealand and she still does, and I live here in America. And let me tell you, I was crying, and I said this on the earlier podcast, and my daughter's crying, I'm crying, and I think deep down my husband, he may be crying, wondering, is my wife going to be okay? Well, we survived, thank goodness for Zoom and the internet and calling her. So, but not only that, I also had uh my grandparents, my husband, grandparents, and his mom here. But I'm just saying that if you want to try that, or if you are able to have someone come and stay, be a living nanny, a family member that is going to help you. You know, the wonderful thing about having a family member or a close friend is that they really take care of you. That was one of the blessings because when my sister came, she knew what to do, not only be a positive person who can give me encouragement, and she just allowed me to one heal because I had a C-section, but she didn't expect me to like she didn't stress me out, it was just absolutely, absolutely lovely. So if you can if you have a a friend, honestly, or family member, who when you have a child and they just take care of you in a way that's encouraging to you, they're really there for you, and they just love on you. Woo wee, and but if you're not, you know, I hope that when your husband comes home that he is absolutely, you know, filling in the gaps and being that wonderful partner and just helping you out where it needs to be. For each mom, it is very different, isn't it? Because we all have different needs. And my husband, I mean, I love him, but would I ask him, I don't know, I'm still asking him to rub my feet for more than five minutes. Now, for some people, they don't want their foot rubbed, but I would like my foot rubbed. So if my husband is listening to this episode, I'm hoping he will get the hint again that rubbing my feet is wonderful. Now, another helpful tip is when when I would go and change Olivia and we were about out in the public. Oh, this one, this one was a good one. So sometimes um when she was a toddler, and maybe I don't know if she was two or three, could be maybe she was two and a half or maybe a little bit younger. I can't remember. But when she started to use the potty, going to the bathroom, I what was interesting was when she had to go and we weren't close to any, I mean, there were no bathrooms, or I one time I said, okay, just go here. We were out. I was able to find a I don't know if we're out in the local park, some I don't know where, but out in the bush, and I was holding her, and like I had my arm, so it created like I had her legs up, and then so she can sit and she could just do her business. And she was like, no, no, no, mommy, no. And I said, and she's crying because she needs to go, uh, she needs to go to the bathroom. She could pee, and we couldn't, and at that place, at that time where we were, I just remembered there's no way we're gonna get there in time to the bathroom, and she's gonna make a mess in the car, and it's just better to do it out here, and we found some shelter where no one could see us, and she was like, No, no, and I was talking to another mom, and she said, and she goes, she took her children um hiking, and I said, Man, Olivia, you know, she's not in diapers anymore. And so we I what do you do? And she said that she has a little uh porter, I don't want to say porter potty, but you know, um when kids, when they just start to learn to use the toilet, the bathroom, you know, go and they have that um a little potty, either something you can sit on, or you can have a device that looks like a whole thing, you can flush it and everything. And she said, we just carry those, we put we have one in our car, and if so, sh sh you know, when our child needs to go, we just get it out, or you know, it's a smaller one you can put in your pram, or uh you can push it with you, and you and I was like, that is such a great idea. So I use that. So we had one already because we were um, you know, we didn't want her to use our normal size toilet, see, so we got her a little kitty one, and as we were practicing, and then we would be out, I would take that one, and I would put like um, you know, obviously I had disinfectant, I had uh rubbish bags, I had uh wipes, I mean, I made sure there was a kit that went with this traveling toilet seat, her kitty toilet seat, and anytime, like I had to make sure if I needed it, uh I could fit it in my trolley, you know, my pram, my bag. Uh like if I knew we weren't gonna be close to a bathroom, uh like this is coming with us, and otherwise we just always left it in the car. And it was amazing. So she had no problems. It was like, mommy, I need to go to the bathroom, and we could not get to a bathroom, or you know, the bathroom's locked, you go to a restaurant, like this was during COVID, and you know, the public at that time, they wouldn't let anyone use you know, in certain restaurants, the bathrooms, and so I was like, that's okay. And we couldn't get to home in time or couldn't get to a gas station, petrol station. So I we would find, you know, a private place, and then we would I would get out this portal party, this little and she did not mind one. But and then, so what do you do? Where do you throw it away? Well, one, I always had if it's just pee, you know, just little pea, you always can find a grass, grass or you know, outside, and you can throw it. If it's number two, I don't know because she did not do a number two. I mean, one time she went just to do, you know, pee, and someone had did a number two. I don't know, like, not too far from us, I was like, oh my goodness, you know, that person, because you could tell it was not an animal. We looked a little bit over and was like, oh my goodness, that's some she goes, Mom, that's a big dog. And I was like, mm-mm, that's not a dog, darling. That's just someone who could not wait as well. But that was funny, so yeah, that is an awesome tip. So if you are wanting to your toddler, your child is going through, you know, you're getting them to go practice going to the bathroom, and they do not want to just go out in the bush because some kids do, some kids like, yeah, that's fine. And they're like, no, I'm either gonna sit on a toilet or not do anything at all. I would recommend what you're using at home if you have those little toilet seats, potty that holds when they go to the toilet. Take it, take it with you, put it in your car, make sure you have a lot of like plastic bags, because if they're gonna go number two, you know, you gotta wrap it up somehow. Just put it in there, put some paper towels, get some toilet paper, wipes, disinfect it, whatever you do. So you be responsible, and you can throw it in the trash when you get home or put it somewhere, don't just throw it outside. I mean, if it's a number two, and that's gross uh in the open, you know, for possible. Unless you live, you'll listen to this podcast, you're like, you know what? We're out in the open. Okay, what make sure you dig a hole in the dirt, and you know, you can do that. I would put this tallest seat because sometimes you can just get the tallest seat itself, and you can put it on your normal tallest seat. I just get the tallest seat and just sit it on the ground, and you know, you dig a hole so your child is not at least they can put their bottom on the seat because you dig that hole. Uh yeah, so that's and that's number two tip, and honestly, that worked for us. And once again, you're transitioning, they're getting used to sitting on the toilet, and it is fine. Uh, and also I had a towel or something, so if she needed to go, like if I was wearing a jacket, I always made sure like I was covering her as well, just for extra uh privacy. I am such a good mom. When I think about the things that I've done, you know, to help my daughter growth, mom. You should high-five yourself. You're listening to this and you have done these, or you're thinking, that is a great idea. High-five yourself because that was given to me from another mom who that worked for her that went because she said that she went on a lot of hikes and a lot of trial bikes, and she's very active with her kids. And funny thing is, even though she wasn't, she had uh she had multiple children. I was like, moms with multiple children, they also give great advice, so that is one for you too. High five. The next advice is be kind to yourself. Yes, you heard it from your friend four, and the reason why I say be kind to yourself is because you are doing the best you can with the time that is given, and you are either working part-time, you're either working full-time, or you're stay-at-home mom full-time. You know, having an only child is a lot, it takes a lot of time because anytime I meet another mom with an only child, and depending on the stage that they're at, it's I um this one mom said we are their best friend, and then when you're at home, there's a stage where they just want to you they want you to play with them all the time, because it's not like you can say to another friend, hey, go and get tell your sister or brother, you know, to come and play with you. Mm-mm. You're all right, tag. And so I was like, Yeah, I'm so glad you said that because I wondered, oh my goodness. And so I'm just wanting to say to you that are listening, you are truly awesome. And you can like sometimes I wonder I mean, did do I did I used to compare myself to other mums? I don't know, maybe sometimes I did in the way the house might have looked, like, oh, it would be nice if my house was tidy and you know, there's no laundry, everything's put away in its right place, and or maybe um if I just I don't know, I didn't I maybe I did, but most I really thought I'm doing the best I can, and I'm a wonderful mother. And maybe I said that while I was crying. I don't know. I'm like going around the house. I'm amazing because I am here and I am truly trying my best. And I and I want to say that, even though I'm laughing, but it truly is mom. And I tell my my my daughter and my husband, you both are truly favored because I absolutely love you too. I love you too. And I truly say that. And because they are they are wonderful. And so you gotta laugh a lot because it's just hilarious. And you know, don't I know sometimes we take ourselves, you can like for me. Sometimes I take myself way too seriously. And I'll analyze this. Is this gonna be alright? Is this am I doing it right? Well, you know, compared to other people, and then I'm thinking, well, who am I comparing myself to? Because that's ridiculous. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. And then I thought, you know what? It's gonna be okay because you uh look, life is a lot of ups and downs. And I just want to say thank you for listening to this because it is mom, you know, you you know, you get up in the morning, you're making breakfast, you're cooking dinner, and then you're going out to work, and then you're taking care of family, you're taking care of business, and most times or sometimes we take care of ourselves, maybe at the end of the day, or hopefully we think about something nice for something for ourselves, and maybe that's getting a coffee, or maybe that's just getting putting on nice new socks, you know. Maybe like, you know what, I'm just gonna wear my nice socks, or maybe putting a different color lipstick on, or even a hair clip, or even like something like I'm just gonna give myself just just a little bit of more time and not answering the phone, or I'm gonna say no to something so I can say yes to myself. I really encourage you to find that place where you can, you know, enjoy who you are because you know when people see you, they see someone who absolutely loves their family, they see someone who is raising their child the best with the time that's given, and also you know, you being present at work, and you're uh such a wonderful helper to your husband, and you share your wisdom with friends and family, and you contribute to the community you're in. You that's what I mean, you are amazing. And I wanted you to know that you know, just show yourself kindness. And if you say, Well, like what like how show myself kindness? Say nice things to yourself when you look in the mirror. You can start by doing that practical step, like you look at yourself in the mirror. I mean, I met with this one lady, and she says she has no mirrors in the house, and but she wears makeup, she's very good at putting, I mean, her makeup looks amazing. I'm like, how is it that you're able to put makeup on the eyeliner, lipstick, and foundation? And she looks really nice, but she goes, I don't have a mirror. But so if I'm speaking to you like, well, I don't have a mirror, okay, but just tell yourself out loud that you are awesome, and you love yourself because why? Because your husband loves you, your daughter loves you, your son loves you, and most of all, God loves you because you are absolutely wonderful. So I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast, the family. Oh my goodness. So I've got so much. The family of one child podcast. I'm laughing because I'm like, wait a minute, what is my podcast? I cracked myself up. That's what I mean. You don't have to be perfect, you just gotta be present at the time wherever you're at. So it's the family of one child podcast, and you're listening to four, like the number four. So, once again, if you have any questions, please email me on the fan email. Uh, I will you'll hear from me next time on the next podcast. Take care, do something nice for yourself. Yeah, if that means high-five yourself, high-five yourself. That means going for a well, for those who like to run, go ahead for those who like insane. I'm gonna go back to sleep. Have a beautiful, lovely nap, and the rest, we will see you next time. Bye.