Trusting Yourself: You Know Your Child Best

As parents, we’re often given advice about what’s “best” for our kids—but at the end of the day, no one knows them better than we do. In this episode, I’m sharing my experience with Olivia’s horse trainers and how we made the decision to partner with the right ones. As Olivia’s skills and interests in the equestrian world grew, we sought out trainers who could nurture her passion and help her discover even more.

This episode is all about trusting yourself as a parent, following your instincts, and making choices that truly support your child’s growth. Tune in for some insights, personal stories, and encouragement to embrace the journey of parenting with confidence!

Transcript

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Hi there and welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm 4 Comment, a wife, a part-time working mom, and a full-time believer in making the most of every joyful and sometimes busy moments of raising an only child. If you're ready for real stories, plenty of laughter and parenting tips, you're in the right place. So let's dive into this adventure together. So what is today's topic that we are going to talk about? Well, I have finally, well, I should say we have finally moved. We had a horse and we were doing barn chores on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday because we're a part of a co-op. And so our pony um we had been leasing her. No, sorry, we have not been leasing. We just started with leasing, but it wasn't leasing. We ended up purchasing, and she's a Walara, and that's half Welsh and Arabian. So we ended up um moving her to this barn, and it's super nice, but we lease on the property. That's what I'm trying to say. And so we have we were there since Olivia was two and a half, and now she's eight. And so how we started, we first Olivia started doing lessons, and then eventually, after a few years, the owner of the horse said, Would you like to lease her? And we're like, Okay, what does that mean? Leasing is where we fully don't own the horse, but you get to ride the horse anytime you like, you get to visit the horse anytime you like. Um, well, the only thing if she's having lessons, you know, we wouldn't be able to ride her, but also we get to purchase some of the feed, we would go halves with her hay, her grain, um, and also half with her, I think it was the farrier, any of some of the medical bills, so it's half. We would half with the owner, and of the owner was still there, she was still Olivia's trainer, horse trainer, and so we would still uh have her around teaching our family um about the horse, about taking care of the horse, and that was always available 24/7, and so that was great, and then after a few years of leasing, then she asked us if we would want to purchase the horse, and that is how we ended up with Lola, Lola and Olivia, and so from there uh we have been at the barn so it's about six years, and most of those years we have been doing barn chores. Um, when we were first leased, um, just coming in for riding lessons, we did not do the barn chores, we didn't take care of any other horses, we just come in and you know, we would hop out a little bit here and there, but not fully um go gung ho come in, you know, night time, cold time, snow time, hot time, bug time. Oh my goodness, I tell you what, and so uh now we have because Olivia we ended up um Olivia wanted to learn and be in a group setting for you know riding horses, and we wanted to give you the opportunity to be in a group because at that time, like most times when Olivia was little, we would it was be like an individual uh a lesson one-on-one. And it's only because at that time our trainer, she didn't have a lot of group uh lessons, she just did not have that. So we uh as Olivia got older, she said, you know, I really enjoy being in a group and learning in a group. And I wondered, is it because she's a you know, we only have an only child, and she just loved interacting and learning with other kids her age who also loved horses, and so we decided I decided, you know what, and also one in another incident too, she fell off the horse. That's another episode, so I said, sure. Uh and yeah, she fell off about two times. So I will talk about that a lot later in a different episode altogether. Uh so we I looked around and I found a lady who lives 40 minutes away from us, and she has a bun, and she has a wonderful, I mean, an absolutely again, um, horse program, and they and she starts with a mummy and me class. So if you um from the you're feeling looking for something, you know, to do with your child, I hope that you know you have something in your community where you're able to participate with your only child, or maybe you might have to travel, but for us, it's 40 to 45 minutes one way to go and travel to take Olivia to her class. But once she decided, yeah, this is something I really enjoy doing in a group, I'm still learning about horses and I'm still loving it. We felt that it was um it was something that we wanted to invest in because when you're not only with how she is learning about the horses, but there's so many uh good principles and disciplines, and also it just helps her to uh be more confident, and we've seen her grow in so many areas, and so yeah, we ended up having having an opportunity to move Lola out from the barn, which is like practically 15, 10 to 15 minutes down from our house, and because we were part of that co-op to 40 minutes away to be with Olivia, and it had been some time, I think it was about two, two years, maybe two years in Olivia. She she was you know growing, you know, getting more confident in her cantering and trotting, and her skills and her equestrian skills were really developing, but yet she was not riding with her horsey. And one other thing is because Lola, she has she's a good horse, but you really she didn't have certain skills for like a rider to be on, unless you were an equestrian and you had like you've been riding for some time because Lola, you know, she'll just do her own thing, and it's not her fault, it's just that some of the base some of the skills that she needed, or she hadn't had any lessons anymore. She's just like, I'm gonna just go and trot and do my own. Just gonna go. And if you're able to talk to me, sure. If not, I'll tell you what to do. So with Olivia, we wanted her to be safe as well and enjoy her time and not freak out every time she was on Lola. And because of where we were, um, they didn't have an indoor arena anymore, and so it was an outdoor arena, so we couldn't always ride uh Lola and the outdoor place where she was, the paddock was a lot smaller because um, and there's other horses there as well. So we felt like eventually Lola and Olivia would be together anyway. This is one of those things, you know. And I said to my husband, well, maybe Lola's going to be a support horse, you know, she's not gonna be a horsey to ride on, it'll just be like a padding horse. And I I couldn't believe I was saying this. So if you're a mom or and you and you have a horse, I mean, my husband goes, excuse me, we purchased this horse, so I try to eventually ride on it. And I was like, Yeah, you're right. And then I was thinking, what is the point of doing barn chores? And our child is 40 minutes away learning and growing and riding on any every other horse. Like you put her on another horse, she'll ride it, she'll go, she'll grow. But with her own horse, she is not developing and riding a horse, which seems silly, right? You probably like, yeah, it seems silly. So we decided now she's ready. And the reason why we waited too, because when Olivia fell off the second time, she did not want to get Lola. She didn't want to get back on Lola, although she did when she fell off straight away. But when we would try over the few months, you know, just slowly getting her back on, getting back to the basics with that, holding on to the lead rope and just walking. Um, it's just it was she was just so afraid that it was not enjoyable. And so we had to, and then it's almost like she had a little break from riding horses because she was just down on about oh, you know, this is not going well. And Lola could feel the tension, like, what's going on with my little girl? I know she's afraid, and uh, I just tell you what, it's almost like okay, first let's get Olivia back on track, let's get her to love horses the way she loves it, riding, and then when she's all good to go, we will get Lola find a place and put them together and have a trainer who understands um who is wanting to work with both of them. So we have found a trainer and she is wonderful. Her name is Anne Cole, and she has a training center, and she also has trainers, and so what they do is at the moment they're just working with Lola, so we're not even having Lola and Olivia, you know, Olivia ride on Lola right now. Lola's in training, and then they're gonna do the assessment, and then after that, after the assessment, and it could be some time till Lola has whatever the skills she needs to, they'll let us know. But as we're going to visit her uh throughout the week, Lola's doing, you can see she is improving. And what I mean by that, when you walk around and I see Olivia, and then she's holding on to a leave rope, and we should ask you to stop, she'll stop. Now, sometimes when back in the old Lola, if you keep going and walking, will she stop? She'll just keep going and you have to say Lola. But yeah, and so, and there's other things that if you ask Lola to do, she'll do it. I mean, she is a good horse, but you know, and if you see Anne horses, they are amazing. And so um, Lola is catching on. And there was one time we went to go and visit Lola the second week she was there, giving her her apples, and then when it was time to go, we turned around and she just gave us that look like, okay, I'm done with this nonsense. Can I please go back to my my barn, my old barn, and just hang out? And why am I why is this relevant to having a child of one? It's because when you are picking an activity, or maybe your child is wanting to learn something, it could be a sport, it could be drama class, it could be something. It takes time, and if they really enjoy it, like they you just see it in their some people say their warehouse, the warehouse, it's their path, it's their like it just fills them up. But you need to find the the trainers or the people that are able to teach your child in the way that is good for them because there are many people who are, for example, very good at what they do, like for example, trainers, horse trainers. But I look specific, I look for certain trainers that I've won, are able to communicate in a way that they will receive teachable moments for me because I am their parent. You know, you're the parent, and so it takes too, it takes a lot of people to raise uh raise a child, right? Okay, in a village. So with Olivia in her in her equestrian um sport, when I'm engaging with the trainer and they're talking in such a way to my child, and I know she hasn't got it, I'm gonna and she's just frustrated and frustrated, and now afterwards I'll say, Oh yeah, that was awesome. Um, but Olivia, the reason why she's saying this because she doesn't understand that word or understand that concept, so you can say it in 57 ways, but you can say it 57 times or 10 times or eight times the same words, but she's not gonna understand the word because I maybe we haven't introduced it with a new concept, or even I'm confused, what are you trying to say? So once I tell them that, and if like the trainers that we have, they're like, Oh, okay, then I'll say it this way, because yeah, you know, but if uh if they end up and if they if they keep saying no, I this is the way I explain it, this is the way it is, this is the way it's gonna be, all the time. I'm like, I'll give I will give them time, like okay, but after a while, and after it means two or three times because you pay for the lessons and the lessons are not cheap, no matter what. I'm like, hey, in my mind, I'm gonna be looking for someone else because I need my child has um she loves and she will listen. Like you know your child when they love doing something, they want to listen, they want to learn. But if there's a teacher and they're just not speaking their language or they are not teachable themselves, then forget it. I'm gonna like move on. I am happily to move on to someone else, an adult who is teachable as well. Because we spend all our time with our child, we um with our only child, and then we are communicating with them, we're learning their heart, we're learning how they we're learning how they learn things, and so we I feel like I'm really good. I mean, I'm still learning about Olivia, like I am still learning different stages, but I know, like you know, when your child's like, uh, I really don't understand, but I'm trying to grasp what I'm trying to do. And as a parent, you're like, okay, I hear a struggle, I'm gonna, this is what they're really asking. And Olivia's like, oh, got it. And I'm like, yeah. And so once you get that community and those kind of communications and the trust, it's really a trust because I think my husband will say, Okay, you're gonna come across kind, and I'm like, I'm always gonna come across kind. I'm always gonna say it in a kind way, and believe I have been in situations where I could just naturally tell just by the body language, this person's probably thinking I have many parents or some other telling me I'm not doing good. No, I'm gonna say you're doing good and you're doing great. Um, and I it seems like you're blah blah blah, and I love it. If is there could you do it this way and the reason why? Something like that. It's always nice. But has been has there been a time where it has not been good, oh yeah, like you know, this mama just gone off of rockets. I'm like, oh, I better bring it back down to earth because if this rocket keeps going, it's just it's about to go to a different universe. Oh my goodness. So the point is whenever you're talking to another adult, no matter who it is, and they are trying to explain to you that your child that you don't understand your child, I will say, no, I don't agree with that. Because you and your husband, you know, you absolutely love your child and you know them best because you're with them 24-7 when that well, okay. Other than that at school or whatever, and you're praying for them and you're encouraging them, and you're really uh you're just wanting the best. And they probably want the best too, but they just it's it's a partnership, it's a friendship. So that's another thing. I just want to continue to encourage you, just uh trust your um just trust your instincts, uh trust the Holy Spirit, and trust yourself, and you know what? You're a mom, so hello, you're the one that dropped your child off and taken, you know, you're working part-time, and then you gotta go, you know, depending on what your child's involved in. Uh Olivia, she has I mean, she has tried other activities like dancing and gymnastics, and she would have gone back to gymnastics, but it was just the timing, like gymnastics and dancing, I think, with the same time. And I said you gotta pick one because you can't do one both at the same time, and um it was so cute to see her both activities, but horsing, um, horse hobby. Oh my goodness, I wish it was um if there was someone that could tell me more about horse hobbies. Like if you're a mum and your child is into horse hobbying, you have got to reach out to me because Olivia and uh she loves horses. I mean, horse is that hobby horses, yeah. I think it's hobby horses, yeah. She loves to jump over things, um, like she will create her own horse um uh hurdles, and that girl would just leap around and jump around and leap over this. And as we were training last week with our trainer Jeremy and I and Olivia in the morning doing our 30 minutes exercises, and then at the end he set up this uh jumping obstacle course, and then um she was just jumping over them like it was nothing, and she won and then he made a little bit of a correction, like Olivia just do this, and she's just jumping higher, and he was like, Huh, she's really good, it just comes natural, and I'm like, Yeah, because she's so into um Um hobby horses jumping hurdles is not like she just loves it the higher the better she'll go for it and um he was like hurdles and I was like oh yeah hurdles as a sport and think about it and then I was saying oh darling in um high school I don't know if it's um yeah I don't know when they introduce hurdles but I said you know in um high school I'm sure they do hurdles or maybe in college I'm not sure um hurdles and she goes oh can I take my hobby horse with me and I was like um I don't think when they in the spore of hurdles that they will be taking that you can take your hobby horse but isn't that who knows who knows from 20 years from now hurdles there'll be hurdles and there'll be hobby horse hurdles oh my goodness if hobby horse hurdles my daughter would be so into that maybe I could just see it now in the Olympics hobby horse hurdles she would have a blast with it oh she loves to run fast she loves she loves to leap like a horse I remember there was one time you know when other children was running she was galloping and I was looking at her and I said well that's one way I wonder if that's always the style that she's just gonna run it's always like um but it was really funny because I was watching YouTube and I was watching these children run and it was a relay and I heard this father he was yelling out to his daughter and he was like start running like a horse just run run and I was laughing because I thought oh I remember that stage when they were little and they're kind of like galloping is it trotting or galloping but they're not running like a I don't know like a Tom Cruise runner like galloping and I was laughing I was like I remember that 100% yeah but if you look at me what is my style of running I mean is it is it really running it could be fast walking it could be like okay um my trainer described me I've improved my running because I took such small steps like very small like a s like a ballerina slash kind of want to be very small like you're tiptoeing but you're not and he goes oh you know you've improved so much Ruth for that you're now taking longer strides because whereas before you were like very small very small I was like look I've come a long way in how my body moves oh my goodness and so you know just enjoy the process if your baby is still you know a little Baba or a toddler and you're wondering what kind of adventures or interests they have I would say if you can just and you have the resources and maybe you have the activities in your community or even if you are able to do it yourself you know I would say create it for me like once again with horses we were very blessed that we have a community that we could go and visit farms in our local area you know in our park so we had um like uh a um a riding club that was not too far from our local park one of them our local parks and you had to pass the riding school uh to get to the park and so we would always see the horses and so we would just go up to the fence and you know start looking around like oh who owns this farm uh who owns this school you know and usually if it's a school they'll be advertising it of a farm and you know knock on the door or call the phone number and see how you can volunteer volunteering is a good way to get your foot in in a business or uh you know an organization that you want to know more about for your child or even for yourself and because and you're a good volunteer when you're volunteering take the time maybe and find something you can do together with your child that way you can both learn at the same time so I always like volunteering if I want to find something that's benefit for me and Olivia that is fun and that you both can do the tasks together because you know if it's just unless you want to do something for yourself like you want to like um I just want to volunteer for myself well that's good uh because you need me time right me time is very important so I just want to encourage you about when you're going into um and you're meeting with other adults and you're talking to them and you're engaging and you want to know if this would be a good fit for them to teach your child with you you know in a good way that you would know if they are willing to you know one form of friendship and also listen to what you have to say if those things resonate with you and they're teachable meaning they have teachable heart because you've got to be teachable first as I'm saying this it'd be a good idea that you are teachable because you want to have that friendship. I'm always open for people to um share you know what they have and if they offer way better solutions or steps or I'm I'm open to listen to it but um I also want them to listen when it's my turn you know because it's that's what a friendship is right it's a trust is both give and take and so and when it comes to my child you know I don't apologize I I mean yes not really and you know if I don't grab like no and then I'll think about it chore on it I'm like okay then maybe I just needed a chocolate who knows what my attitude was and if I need to apologize I will always apologize so but don't be too hard on yourself you know you're learning too with your only child and so I want to make sure that you are you know encouraging yourself you're taking the time to say nice things really take the time to be kind take the time to if it that means just uh do something nice whatever that nice is nice for people could be different some of the nice people could be going back to sleep one of nice people nice is just taking five minutes or even like oh man I just I don't know you just want to have a different kind of hairspray I mean mine now I'm going through a coconut hairspray coconut um shampoo maybe because I'm Pacific Islander coconut it's very but it's a nice kind of coconut uh it's not for me coconut's nice anyway and so and anyway and someone gave me a hug and they said oh you smell so nice nice you got a nice smell of coconut I was like thanks because you know when you hug hug other women and they smell so good I wanted to be like that I wanted to hug someone I smell good too so I just want to say thank you for listening you are amazing you truly are you truly are so remember if you want a friend you gotta be a friend and to be a friend start with yourself first God loves you this is for thank you for listening to the Family of One podcast see you in the next episode I don't know why I say see in the next episode because I can't see you but you're in my heart I'm holding you in my heart take care bye