When's the next one question?

Ever get asked, “When’s the next kid?” In season 3, episode 9, I share relatable stories as a mom to my horse-loving 8-year-old, dodging that “none of your beeswax” question with a laugh. From a cousin’s awkward probe to a stranger’s remark and my husband’s witty quip, I offer tips to respond confidently. Inspired by my daughter’s horse passion, grab my art at:

[HorsesByComment](https://payhip.com/b/2eTdI)

#OnlyChild #MomLife

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:03

Hi there and welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm Four Comment, a wife, a part-time working mom, and a full-time believer in making the most of every joyful and sometimes busy moment of raising an only child. If you're ready for real stories, plenty of laughter and parenting tips, you're in the right place. So let's dive into this adventure together. So hi, this is Fool and welcome to the podcast of the Family of One. Today's episode, I am going to talk about how did how do I handle those questions? The next kid questions. Yeah, how did you handle? I'm wondering, how do you handle, or maybe you're wondering how do I handle the next kid questions? For example, when Olivia was born, and you know, everyone is so happy for me. I have a child and you're at a party, or maybe you're at a park, and then someone is asking a mom or a friend, or even I don't know, your cousin, just someone, and then they ask you, so when is the next one? And you're wondering, huh? I'm trying to deal with the one I have awkward, or maybe you're in a situation where it's your child asking, When are you having another child, mom or dad? So I've every now and then I'll get that question from my child or from someone else, and this is what I come up with. First, I'll deal with depending who the person is, like if it's a close family member, they already know because we had already established with very close families, members and friends, that we are very happy with one. And in the beginning, when um you know, we were wanting to start a family before I got married. In my mind, I wanted to have like a big family. Now, the big for me, because big can be relative to some people, one is big, one is two is big, but for me, in my mind, I thought seven, seven children. I think with all me being from a islander family, Pacific Island family, and I'm surrounded by a lot of siblings and cousins. And from their honestly, just looking at being brought up around family, family, an extended family, they typically had more than two or three children. So I didn't know anything else. And was I around family members that only had one child, maybe, but a cousin, but most because all our cousins were all close and then extended family, like we pretty much lived the intergenerational family culture life. So me just being around having, and then my siblings. I had a brother that had one child, and my sister had one child, but we were still around me, other family members that had more than one child. So even though if they might have had one child, I felt like, and everyone played a part in everyone's lives, we're all very hands-on, it really felt like just one large village raising up a you know child together. So I so I thought in my mind at the time, like, yeah, I'm gonna have a lot of children. Well, you know, when I get married and going through that process, we ended up having one, and I'm so happy fast forward 20 years later, uh, it just worked out for us to have one. But my husband, if you ask him, he's always wanted one child, and he always wanted a daughter, so you're welcome. He is living his best life, I tell you what, his best life, and so am I. So when I do get people asking me, I is it just the one you're gonna have, and I said, Yes, we're very happy with one, we plan for one, we aim for one if we have achieved our goal. And then you usually get questions, Well, isn't that child going to be lonely? And I look at them and I said, uh, define Lowly because she is living her best life with her friends and family, and it depends on really how deep they, I mean, because some people are oh okay, then other people will say silly things like, Oh, she's going to have the social skills. And I thought, really, do you have the social skills as you're sit standing here asking me these none of your business questions? Like, I want to say mind your own business. But I typically after the second question, like, oh, you know, I do say to them, um, you know, she's well loved by her grandparents, but I really don't get a lot of strangers today who ask me those uh questions, like, well, is she gonna be lonely? Is she gonna be so and so? It's usually in conversations when I'm with other moms in a group, and they might say something like, for example, you know, as you're talking with other moms who have multiple children, and they say, Oh, well, you know, I'm glad I have multiple choices of someone goes away to college or as they get older, you know, I can stay with that child. I have three choices, and I'm like, Yeah, well, I only have the one. And so, depending if she's wanting to stay with look after me as she gets older, and I said, Well, at least you got three choices. I just got the one, so I'm gonna make sure I take care of her, you know, and I laugh it off. But then others I know, um, like they'll say just something like, you know, I'm glad I have the one because the older one can teach the younger one, and I can go and do my dishes, or I don't have to worry about babysitting, or they can stay in the same room. And I'm like, Well, Olivia's not like that, so when I share my story about my struggles of having an only child, I said I'll sometimes say, Well, I forget because I wasn't raised like that. I'm from a family of a multiple had siblings, and so you know, she hasn't got that in the way that multiple children, you know, families have. So I have to be mindful why she stays with me in my room certain times, or if we're just having a conversation about, hey, go and do this and that, she's having to learn to do it herself because she doesn't have a sibling to teach her, just those little things, and that's why I say that's why friendships are important, and I appreciate, and depending on who the parent is, I'll say I appreciate that your child can teach those things to my child while they play together, and it's really good, and it works both ways. And so when I educate the parent who's hanging out with me from a perspective of a only child, they're like, Oh, not to say that um that their child is better than my child, it's just to say that it's just a just something that it's a good partnership, and I think that both children are learning, like their child is learning about what's it like to be an only sibling, because you know, when they come, um, you know, they love it and they say to Olivia, Oh, you're so spoiled, you get this and this and this. Well, I guess it's all relative because if you meet with maybe someone who has more financially freedom than we do, and you look at what they receive, they pretty much got a lot more things than Olivia. I don't know, it all depends. But I'm just saying if someone says, like, when's the next kid? It all depends where how you like how you're comfortable saying it. I mean, my husband says, you know, we're the family, we're perfect where we are. Why go broke? I mean, why ruin a good thing? He pretty much says it, like, you know, mm-mm, the more children you have, worse it gets. He's looking at the other family. He goes, No, we have a perfect family, we got a perfect daughter, she's perfect for us. We don't want to ruin it. So, whatever you're comfortable with, and I just tell you what, have fun with it. Totally have fun, and also, okay, so we have a horse, and so and we have three cats, one guinea pig, one hamster, seven fish. I was gonna say a dog, but a dog's not in there. So, I mean, my husband said we have you know, all these animals. Um, we pretty much have a full house with a child and we have these all these animals that we need to take care of. So it really depends too. And anyway, hello. Um, is there like a a number? Even if you have two, I wonder the question will probably come again. Well, when is the next one? I mean, I know some families have seven kids. I are you gonna ask them when's the next one? I don't know. Maybe you're gonna ask them when to stop. I mean, some people can be really inappropriate. You they have too many kids or you either you have you don't have enough kids at all. Is there a happy medium? All I say is depending on who who's asking. I mean, have I asked questions like that? Not really. Maybe I'm if I know like maybe one of my single friends, I mean friends that are not married and they have a boyfriend, and then I'll ask them how their current love life is going. And then if they're not in a relationship, I'll say, so are you married yet? Are you gonna get a boyfriend? So maybe I ask those kind of questions, and there's a podcast about I have a friend who says, you know, when you finish one relationship, when is the next one? So can I also be inappropriate with my questions? Probably. I mean, hello, we've probably said something that we didn't really think about, or we didn't really care, we just want to make sure. So, what is it? What are you doing? When's the next one? Um, and another thing I think it's well, so your child, depending on how old they are. Olivia in the last year, she was asking me, like, when is she going to get a brother or sister? When she was a lot younger, maybe like five. She didn't, you know, she said she didn't want one. And then probably six or seven, she was asking, Are we gonna get one? and I was like, From where? Like, do you know where they come from? She goes, Yeah, you just go and find one. It was like, Yeah, you don't find a child, it's illegal to like at a shop, you can't just go shopping for them. That's a big no-no. And so she was like, Well, is daddy and I you two gonna have another one, and once again, my husband goes, No, uh, our family's perfect, you know. Why would we ruin a good thing? And I would say to her, and I was like, Well, if we did go on a mission trip and someone did hand a baby to us, I mean, yeah, we would bring the baby back if you know, because they had no home and and they needed to be safe. My husband goes, You're not going on a mission trip. Olivia and I were like, Yeah, we'll definitely take the baby. And I said, Well, if a baby came to our doorstep and there was no one else, and we had to look after their child, and I mean, her and I coming up all these scenarios, so we're not saying we wouldn't take care of a child until we found their family, we would just say, like, yeah, we're open to different possibilities of adopting or something like that, being a house sitter. But the more um Olivia talks about it, she was like, and it depends as well, because when she's with some of her friends and um, you know, they have multiple siblings, she'll come back. She's like, No, mom, they argue too much. And I was like, Well, not all families argue, but you know, siblings, it's it can be normal, honestly. Siblings argue, and sometimes they might use their hands or words that you probably don't hear, it's because you don't have another sibling to have an argument with, you just have me and daddy, and I try my best to annoy you in a way a sibling would, and we don't push each other over because that would not be appropriate. So you have siblings who do that, so she doesn't understand. So when she's with certain families and they're very hands-on how they express themselves, she comes away and she's like, Whoa, I'm glad I'm the only child. I said, Well, there are benefits to both because I was raised in a family of multiple siblings, and then you. So, yeah, in a way, so I guess it's some days are good being having a multiple child, you know, siblings, and there are other times, you know, she's happy just to be with her mum and dad and no siblings. You know, when the next kid question came along, uh it was in the beginning a bit difficult with certain friends, I think because one the ones who didn't understand were the ones with multiple children that before I was starting a family, they would talk about, oh, we're gonna have this child and this child, and you know, all the children that they wanted they got. And some of the I noticed the ones that the next heard question they don't ask me because in some ways they have it's taken them a lot harder to have children, and so when they would ask me when is the next one, the way they ask it, it was more being aware, being more sensitive because they knew it was taking me many years to have a child, and so they wouldn't bring it up, but for those who weren't able to relate to getting pregnant, like you know, they could look at a they could look at a a rock and they would get pregnant. Okay, but I was like, I'm gonna have three children, they had three children. Some other friends, I'm gonna have four children, and then they end up having four, no problem. And you know, that when they wanted to get pregnant, they got pregnant, and their time frame was all wonderful. And so, but for those who it was a lot more of a challenge and it didn't fit the time frame they wanted, I felt like when they asked me when is the next kid, they said it in a more thoughtful way because of the and they knew what my struggles of trying to have another child was going, you know, what I was going through. And so, but when you get those random stretches, is that your child? Like I get it at work, and typically because I'm I'm a volunteer coordinator for a senior citizen uh community, so you know, sit senior citizens, they're lovely, and I work with a lot of volunteers, so any any child, they're gonna say, is that your child? Like, no, no, how many children you have, one, and they're like, Oh, and they're pretty good with it. They're like, Okay, you have the one child, and I love it about the elderly people. It's like, okay, I don't think, and I they haven't asked why you only have one child, they just take it face value, they're like, Oh, nice. I don't know, but you get other but you know, lately, and I wonder I'm curious when I was with Olivia when she was little out and about, maybe because you're at a park and you want to know, do you have two children? Is it just the one child? But now maybe in 2025, is it more acceptable? I don't know, maybe it's just the environment that I'm that I'm in, or maybe I just have um you know um a vibe like I just had the one, I'm happy. You're gonna if you're gonna ask me for more, you might get a question that you might get an answer that might annoy you. I don't know. So you can have fun with it. And I wonder when you go to in different countries as you're listening from those from England and you know uh in Europe and Asia, is it expected that you only have one? Or Pacific Island countries is very different to have one, and because I had Olivia, we had her when I was um how old was I 40? Yeah, so we had her um because I got married in when I was 30, and we wanted to have her have children a lot younger, but you know, we it was a struggle to have to get pregnant for us. So it took us about nine years, 19 years to to have a baby. And so when I guess during those years and a lot of my friends knew, real close friends and family, the last thing they're gonna ask me, are you gonna have another one? Because I would have bought them over there. Like you don't even dare ask me if I'm gonna have one. You all know how struggle just to you know have one, and then you're gonna ask me another one. I think they knew 100% a lot of them close up, you know, they walked on this many, many year journey. Um, we celebrated at one and we wanted to have one, and you know, going from a dream from seven to one, it just oh my goodness, it has been amazing. And so, um, I guess now if people ask me, just have the one, I confidently say yeah, I don't even apologize. I mean, do people, I don't know, maybe you've when people say, Oh, you have the one, and then you say, Oh yeah, it's a I don't know, come across the way you say your answer. I'm like, Yeah, we do have one, because I am the best mum for her, and my husband is the best husband, I mean best father for her, and we are a one child family that just works for our family, and seriously, for the lifestyle we have with her hobby with her horses being an equestrian family, you know. Had I known, I don't know, but horses, you know, I did not consider owning a horse, doing barn chores, you know, entering in this world of horses wearing. I got married. More I thought I was going to, you know, our life was going to be having a child 2025. I would like, no, I wouldn't have got that. So having one child with our schedule, work, and the things that we're wanting to achieve, and the financial responsibility it takes to pay up without a credit card and to put savings in place. It is a lot and to be financially responsible and to be wise with it and grow and learn from your mistakes. I'm telling you, one child for us, I said to my husband, man, I don't think I could do two children or three. And if I did have two or three children, one I know we would have the support, and this podcast would not be about that because how could I do a podcast who has multiple children? I mean, because it's the family of one podcast, it would be a different podcast. So what I'm saying in a nutshell is that I'm hoping that you're celebrating, you're in a place where you're celebrating. Now, there was a time when I did have Olivia. I think that I thought maybe I should have had two children. Because it was more of I thought maybe she's gonna be alone, maybe you know, when we grow up, you know, she's not gonna have any siblings to connect with, and you know, as we move on in life, and then I was thinking, you know what, I'm sure there's other families who have siblings who don't even connect, who are dysfunctional, or we're all dysfunctional, but they don't have the close relationships now that the parents have passed away. Or I'm thinking, you know what, I really need to celebrate the relationships that we have as a family, and to celebrate the community that she's in, and to help her grow from that, because as she gets older, she's gonna meet um cousins and church friends and best friends, and just just to keep nurturing those relationships, so there's always a community, and also Christ in the community because the body of Christ, I believe that the body of Christ, you know, you make friendships, you build friendships, you learn and grow together as you are fellowshipping with one another, so you're always not alone, but it takes time and it takes effort, and it takes like you want to invest, like you want to be a friend. You first gotta be friend with yourself, but also you've got to invest in others as well, and even though it can be inconvenient, but at the end of the day, it's worth it. So I told myself, no, Olivia's not gonna be alone, she's also gonna be responsible too of nurturing her own friendships as she gets older. And when you need help, you know, your friends and family, those who you're always connected, will be there. I've met some other adults as well who were an only child, and this adult said that you know, during holidays, they're by themselves, they don't have anyone to go and have dinner with or have Christmas with. And I used to think, well, do you want to come have dinner with us or do you want to do you have a friend so-and-so? And they said, Oh, I don't want to reach out, I don't want to be a hassle. But here's the thing if you are it, you gotta own it as well. Like, if you want a friend, you gotta be a friend, but you have to reach out to someone and continue to build that relationship. You can't expect people to come to you. So, whether you're a family of one or multiple family, at the end, that one person has to like reach out to others, and they'll be like Olivia, as I'm teaching her, hey, as you are being a friend, and as you grow up, you're gonna continue to nurture those relationships, so you'll be fine. I mean, that's the thing that my mom and dad were very um they really invested us is to build relationships with you know your siblings, with your cousins, and then with people inside your inner circle. I mean, like at school, friends, they just started practical stuff, but they always started with family first and then fam, I mean your siblings and then your family, and probably Jesus first in there. But you get what I mean. It's really um, if you're thinking like me, or you had a thought, you just your child is still young, like, oh, you know, they're gonna be alone. No, I tell you what, I've met multiple families with you know, multiple siblings, and they don't talk to each other at all. I'm like, oh my goodness, you guys are all adults, and so everyone's different at different stages, and everyone's it just depends how you want to build your family for your child in the community, which is very important. And so you don't ever have to feel if something happened to your child, you know, I mean happened to you or your husband, they're gonna be alone. Now I know that 100% if something were to happen to my husband or myself, my family, both sides will take care of her, and everything will be one. Well, of course she'll miss us, but she's not gonna feel like she has to raise herself. No, we um we really are thoughtful about those connections and because it's very important for us, is like my mom and dad when they I mean growing up, they I'm sure they thought about that and they wanted us to, you know, instill in us that we always support family because one day you'll need family, it's your family that's just gonna show up, and so that is like I would do that for Olivia. Like her family is dad and I, but her family is outside of that. It's her cousins and it's her friends at church, and you know, it's I guess it's you gotta ask yourself who is your community and who are the people that is gonna help you help you build that, that want to build that, and you want to be there for them as well. Those are the type of things I continue to ask you, and it's an ongoing thing for Jeremy and I. People come in and out of season, but there's some family members that being with us, they're like the ride or die, they will stay with you forever and ever and ever and ever, and we are like with them, we're gonna stay with them forever. They just call and we'll be there, but it might take a while because we've got to get on a plane and everything. Or we have some of those friends who'll be there like I see maybe once every 10 or 15 years, but when I see them, it's like we just just you know started off where we were the last time, you know, we saw each other. So I I hope this really encourages you when you get those next kid questions. One that you yourself know if you're gonna have another one or not, and two, if you wanted more children but decided not to, awesome, or if you decided you are that's awesome, or if you decide you don't want to talk about it, you know, find a way where you can tell them it's none of their business, or you say, Well, we're just perfect and we just like the way we are, and usually if they have like any sense of awareness, they would stop from there. If they say why your kid is gonna be lonely, then you can just smile and say, No, she's not lonely. Really? Are you lonely? That's why you're standing in front of me wanting me to have this conversation. But I honestly I hope it doesn't encourages you. Maybe you get those kind of conversations at the park when you're you know taking your kid to the park or the library and speaking to another mom. But I hardly get those questions anymore. Uh it's like it's very rare, and if it's someone asking me that, I'd be like, that's a weird question to ask me. Because I'm gonna give you an awkward look, like, huh? You're just asking because you're just asking from a place of are you gonna do something about it? Or are you asking me because you don't know what else to ask me, or you're just curious about the a family of one? Like there's so many, there's so many questions that is running through my mind. Well, I hope this episode of the next kid question about I hope that really encourages you to handle those questions, you know. So, and also remind yourself that you are an awesome mom. Yes, and I remember saying that halfway through this episode, you are doing the best with the time that's given. Now, whether your child is a few months old or your child is eight, just like Olivia is eight, you are doing the best you can with the time that's given, and I'm hoping that you really do just take the time to celebrate who you are. So, also I just want to put in a pay hip plug. Yeah, I call pay hip plug because I'm gonna share that I have and Olivia has we have opened up our own little online store. I know, isn't it so cool? So, see, with an only child, you can do wonderful things, and so Olivia and I, it's all about horse designs, and it's very simple. We wanted to both create something that stit figure, stit figure people, because um, just letting you know, I cannot draw a freehand of figured person, and I could do stitch figures, love hearts. Olivia's a lot more better than me, and so our our drawings are very simple, but it's three dollars each, and you can all go to the pay hit plug. And our brand is comment for horses designs. So, you're gonna see a lot of them. This online it goes from three dollars, and sometimes the bundle, you'll find a bundle for five dollars. You can download that, you can find it on my um BuzzFeed. Is it not BuzzFeed, Buzz Sprout? There'll be a link, and you can go there and click on that and download. And I really appreciate you doing that because it helps me, you know what, just manage. Um it helps me to and Olivia to do something together, something that we both I'm learning about more about horses, and she's learning about um, you know, wanting to put this, you know, in a drawing, what she's learning too, and we both can grow and learn together. So if you have something that you want to do with your child, maybe it's to start an online digital business, or maybe you might want to start a podcast together, maybe you have stories, because you know what? I noticed there's not a lot of podcasts about the about having an only child, and that's why I'm here. You may be listening and you may be like, you know what? If four can talk about having an only child, then maybe I can start my own podcast about my own experience. Because if there's more people families out there talking there and sharing their experiences about having their only child, I think that'd be amazing. One, because then there'll be resources out there to listen to, because I would have loved to have a resource when I was having Olivia back in 2017 about an experience or having an only child, but you know what, in a way I did because I had my brother and had my sister, and they had an only child, so I would call them so many times, mainly my sister, I would call her because her child now is I think she's like in her late 20s, and so I kind of did. I had all the resources I wanted, so but I'm just saying if you don't know anyone who has an only child, well, you'll listen to her on a podcast now. But if you want to start your own podcast or something you want to do together, I think you should go ahead. Look, if I can do this, you can do it. You know, your friend, you can say, Oh, my friend for, yeah, say my name, because I'm your friend, and we met on the Family of One podcast. Thank you so much for supporting this. Um, my podcast channel, and I thank you for supporting on PayHip. Please leave me a message, a fan mail. I know you're all listening from Europe and Asia. I thank you so much, and America. Thank you, people around the world. I absolutely appreciate your mums listening to this. Until the next episode, remember be kind and be a friend to yourself because you are amazing. Catch you in the next episode. Bye.