From Tears to Triumph: Mastering Help as a New Mom

Join me on a heartfelt journey back to my baby days with my daughter! Discover how early tears from ear infections and teething taught me the power of asking for help, whether through encouraging words from my sister and mother-in-law or hugs and helpful tips from Grandma. This lesson helped build my confidence in tackling parenting moments with my baby. Tune in for love and lots of laughter!

Transcript

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Bye.

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Welcome back and in this episode I have called it The baby days. Do you remember, or maybe you're in that season right now, where your only child is a baby. Or maybe you're in that season right now, you're like, it's kind of like a blurb, and I don't remember. I do, but I don't. I just remember, like today I woke up, and I'm thinking, yay! Not there. I'm at the stage where... They can do everything, meaning they can brush their own teeth, get themselves dressed, and butter their bread. So depending where you are, I wanted to talk about those baby seasons. And it was because I was going through my phone, as you do, and I was just scrolling through all the thousands of pictures I have of her. And I was thinking, man, what did I learn about myself during those baby seasons? And I really had to think. And one of them was, I had to learn, and I'm naturally a person, I thought, yeah, I probably need support, but I didn't realize during those little baby times, you know, that I really needed a lot of help. And maybe you're listening, you're like, No, I didn't really need to because, you know, you grew up babysitting, looking after children and you had those skills. But for me, yes, I did babysit and I did. But boy, I think watching certain shows, I don't know, but maybe I had this image in my mind that I can... that I didn't really need a lot, but it came down to it. I forgot about the factor of, one, I was tired, and I didn't realize how tired I was. And two, maybe I was not eating well some days, so that made me tired. Or three, I was cleaning a lot, and then not really sleeping, so that made me tired. Isn't there a theme? So... I wanted to talk about myself during those seasons when, you know, Olivia was little. And so, especially when it came to her, like, teething. Boy, wee. I mean, I read online. And I'm so thankful there's so much information online. You can Google it. I mean, you can even call your doctor, nurse. Yes. Call. But I had to make the initial step. to call, to reach out to someone. And those people, I'm so glad they were always available. That would be my sister online, sister over the phone, or my mother-in-law or my grandma. I was so happy. And then I realized, you know what? To me, it may be like some questions like, oh, you know, she's crying and I don't put this numbing thing on her mouth or I gave her something like a cold cloth so she can chew on it or something chew so to help her during those teething stages and I would it might have come across a simple question and I'm like is this should I even know about these things and But everybody has a different way how to work for them. And so the more I ask, and sometimes I thought, man, this might be like a dumb question. Look, I tell you what, it's not a dumb question if you don't ask. Now, are they dumb questions? There might be some dumb moments that you ask, I mean. I've always have asked some moments, but not relating in babies, bringing up, I'm sure I've had some adult moments where like, that was a good question. That was a dumb time to, that wasn't a good time to ask that question. Anywho, getting back on topic. So what I learned about myself when, during those baby times is I had to really get out of my own comfort zone and and just ask when I didn't feel like I wanted to. And it could be different reasons. For example, maybe at that time, and really, I don't really know a lot, I mean, during that time, because right now when I think about it, I'm like, I was just going through those, I was just going through the motion. I just wanted to make sure my baby was healthy, she felt well-loved, and I could give her you know, making sure that she's taken care of the best I can with the time that's given, with the resources I have. So with the ear infections, like I remember I had a friend and I was telling her, sharing about Olivia's, you know, ear infections, she'll get one and then a few months later she'll get another one, then another month. And my friend said that her daughter would get like, oh, it's normal for her because she'll get one infection after the next, after the next. And I think she said about six or seven. And it wasn't until then that they went to go and see a specialist. And they had all these antibiotics. And I was like, is that normal? I mean, some people might say listening, yeah, that is. And other people might say no. But for me, I felt like, you know what? I'm just going to reach out to another doctor. And I asked around, and then I found, and then there's so many different ways. Some of the people have using natural ways to, you know, heal the ear. But I chose to, like, I'm going to ask one, my mother-in-law, my grandma, and my sister. Those are my core people because both that comes with other questions that I ask. And so what happened was I went to the doctor, and I said to her, hey, this is the third one, and I'm really concerned, and I told her why, and I want to go and see a specialist, just something. And so she was kind enough because I really– I really advocated to see someone. I didn't want to wait to the sixth or seventh one to go and see a specialist. And it's different for each country. So you may be listening to this and you're like, wow, you have to wait to a certain another one to get another ear infection specialist. Just where I live, right now in america i mean at that time it may be different because olivia has not had an air infection in a long time praise jesus i'm telling you because those those days were not good so what it ended was there was um i don't know she just had to she ended up getting the um antibiotic but the specialist, he said, well, she's just prone to having an air infection. It doesn't matter if she's swimming or not swimming. And she did it. He was really good. He said that she didn't need air, like have an air operation. He was just saying, you know, she'll just hopefully grow out of it. Or if not, I was like, oh Jesus, she's going to grow out of it. No, because I, I didn't want her to keep having these infections and I didn't want her to put antibiotics and I didn't want to do all this other stuff because I didn't think it was good for her because we were on antibiotics and boy, we, that was not a good experience as well for her. That's another story. So I guess that's why I was tired during those baby seasons, just when it came to infections and teething. Everything else, she, and food allergies too. Oh my goodness, now I feel like I'm telling her business. She'll be like, mom, why are you telling him all my baby business? She's probably thinking this is about you. Well, how I'm processing it out is, I guess during those baby seasons, during those times when I was tired and she was going through those situations, Yes. And my husband, he was here. But for me, I just wanted to have like my own mama hug with my grandma, with my mother-in-law and sister. So I just, for some reason, I'm like, yeah, I love you, husband. And you're so awesome. And you're very supportive. But I want my, I want a female that's been through this because I didn't know, am I going crazy? Am I doing it right? Am I checking all the boxes for her? Am I supposed to be? I was always wondering. I guess at the end of the day, I was always wondering, am I a good mom? And I think I cried. Like, am I a good mom? Should I have done this situation? Should she have had the ear operation to help with that? I shouldn't have given her antibiotics and now she's not responding well. There were so many situations where I second-guessed myself. And I'm just saying... When I had those moments and I felt like, boy, I really messed up on that one, I was so thankful that I had the support from my loving sisters, from my loving mother-in-law and my grandma, because they were so encouraging to me. when I felt down about myself because I thought maybe I didn't ask. I should have asked quicker. I should have responded quicker when I saw the signs because maybe there's so many moms out there, they know exactly what to do at the exact same time, exactly know what happens, and they can get that medicine or they can help their child be the best. I mean, I was really, during those moments, I think maybe if I didn't verbally say it, maybe I internalized it myself and just shoved it down and probably ate a cake or ate some chips or just put it down in a space where it shouldn't be. And that's why I wanted to, in this episode, you know, during those baby sections, During those baby seasons for me, when I'm looking back at it and sharing it on this episode, you might be going through that right now. And I wanted to keep encouraging you is to reach out. Ask for help. And maybe you're like, I don't have a family member. I don't have anyone. I don't have a close relationship with my mother-in-law or grandma or sisters. I hope you find someone. And it might be your next door neighbor. It might be the lady down the road who owns a shop. I don't know because there's some places that are not even like blood related. It could be a co-worker. You could be working part-time and, you know, you've got a baby. you know, a baby at childcare or a family member's looking after your baby and you might have a friend and they can give you good advice or they can be the encourager or they can just let you process what you're feeling during those baby seasons. Or maybe you're the one who's listening to this podcast, and you've been through those baby seasons, and now you're the one helping another mom. I mean, when I see other moms and they're having, and they have a baby, I mean, they're having a baby. It's not like I'm in the hospital with them. And they have their baby, and if their baby is fussy, you know, a little bit, and the mom just looks like, because I reckon we all mamas know, we're like, oh, and I look at her and I'm like, you, I just give her a smile, it's okay, like, I'm trying to give her that vibe, you're a good mom, and you're doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources you have, and if you can make that baby smile, and that baby laughs, or something, I know, I mean, I'm not going to go and pick up that lady's baby like, hey, do you want me to hold that baby? I am not that kind of woman because that mom might say, who are you? But, you know, some people do that. You see it on YouTube if a baby's crying. I mean, you know what to do, what is appropriate, right? But reaching out to you as a mom, reaching out when you need help is so good for your soul, right? And the more you reach out and the more we can reach out. You know what? How about you listen as well? So that's a good tip. If you're reaching out and you're letting it out, but you're not listening. I'm just saying it may come across like, oh, she's just dumping and dumping and dumping and dumping. And she doesn't take any advice. Just comes and dumps. Well, just giving you this straight up. If you're asking and you keep asking, it's a good idea. Yay. Yay that you ask, but also yay that you listen and put into action what has been given to you. Now, because you trust these people and the advice they give you, I'm not saying do everything that they say, but take into consideration of what you ask and then put action into it. It may not be like when it came to the Olivia's, what, teething, and someone said, oh, maybe try, you know, one of these toys, and you put it in the freezer, and then she can chew on it when she's teething. It just helps soothes the gums. And I thought, okay. I mean, I was like, are you sure? I thought, well, why did I ask if I'm not going to do it? And it doesn't take me long to go and get something. So that's what I mean. But if there's something, and I don't, I mean, maybe you have someone and they say the weirdest thing. Well, it would be obvious you wouldn't go back to them. I mean, unless they say random things. And you're like, that is so random. I don't know why I keep going back to that person. But I hope like during these seasons, different seasons, you get to learn, you get to laugh, and you get to discover and learn more about yourself, right? Because that's what we are all doing as moms with our only child. We are learning about ourselves, right? And we're becoming more aware of what I did. I'll tell you what, I'm learning, I'm being more aware of what I like, don't like, and what I can, what I'm more confident. And I just hone in those things. And the others that I like, oh my goodness, whoopsie daisy. I mean, I think whoopsie daisy is when, Maybe Olivia was sick, maybe with a cold or something. And I didn't recognize it was like something else, like maybe it was an ear infection again. And I thought it was just a cold and she was really fussing that time. And you'd think I wouldn't know it. And by the time I took her to the doctor, and sometimes it's not always plain like, it's not always clear. They don't have a fever, but they have, you know, But they're sick. I mean, she may be coughing or something. I mean, those ones, I'm like, oh my goodness. I think I went back and forth, like asking the nurse all the time and asking other moms. I mean, my mother-in-law, once again, my grandma, like, what do you think? And because, you know, they had, they raised, they had children, they raised their own children, they raised their grandchildren. they were, one, they were more calmer. Like, inside, as I'm talking, in my heart, they probably could feel like, whoa, boy, her heart is going boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And if you see my eyes, I mean my words, but you can see, like, man, my, whoo, I am just like, is it on a treadmill somewhere? I'm, like, getting old. getting really excited really passionate oh my goodness I gotta do something about it but they will always come like okay it's okay everybody goes through this or yeah I've been through this situation it's fine and how about you do this and that's what I love because they said they would say how about have you thought of this or how about going about it this way they were so kind and helping me out and so I hope that you have like a good support group or someone that you can continue to reach out. And if you don't, please, you got to make the time. You got to make the investment to build a friend, to build a friend. You got to make that time to find someone to help you when those times get tough. And then once you find that someone, and they are of sound mind, like they are of sound mind, because you don't want to do something that you know that is not good for you, your marriage, or your husband, or you're looking after your child, someone that has the best interest for you, you know, start taking, putting action into what they're saying. Just a little bit, a little bit to feel comfortable, that wants the best for you, that wants the best for you, you know, as a mom raising your child, doing the best you can with the time that's given. So I tell you what, enjoy the baby seasons. And it is so true. If you're listening to this and you just have a little bubba, and you're like, oh, just going through the stage right now, or maybe enjoying it, like this is a breeze. I love it. That is amazing. And some days it's going to be amazing. And other days it's like, man, it went so quick. And it surely does. I don't know how that's possible. It goes so quick. Maybe it goes so quick because you are doing so much. You're pouring into this little one. You know, everything is about this little one. Like you are feeding. You are taking care. You are, you know, you're providing like food. everything 24-7 for so many years doesn't stop it just looks different as they get older I crack up laughing but did I enjoy it overall I surely did enjoy the baby stages yeah there were moments yeah there were moments I cried yeah there were moments when I said I could have done better but there are lots of moments when I felt man I did the best I can and I am just, woohoo, today's a good day. And then I go to sleep. Like, today's a good day. Good job. You know, somewhere, I'm sure I said to myself, good job. Or someone else said, good job. And then I'm like, yeah, I did a good job. I mean, oh, my goodness. This is so funny. When I... When Olivia, during those baby seasons, I would take my grandmother with me to the doctors. And I, for some reason, if I'm sick, I'm okay, of course. If my husband's sick, yeah, he'll survive. But whenever she was sick, I would be a mess. Like seriously, I could not hold myself together. So I would take Olivia to the doctors and my grandmother came with me to all the appointments. I think she stopped when she was like maybe six years old. She never missed any appointments because I made it in schedule around her. And I remember like when they were just checking Olivia as you do a yearly check, you go in, do your appointments. I mean, you go, I would never, if the doctor, you know, checking Olivia and she's doing what she needs to do. And depending if she got needed a injection or whatever, or I would be crying and the doctor would say, ma'am, do you need to, do you need to leave the room? You need to get yourself together. Now, how ridiculous is that? I don't know if you're probably thinking, wow, wow. And I'm like, That was just me during that season. I was so sensitive. But I surely, if my husband, if he was in the same, whatever, if he was sick and I had to go with him, which I haven't been to any appointments, but if I did, I'd be like, you're fine. But I am totally the opposite. I'm like, you'll survive. Let's move on. But with her, I'm like, oh, my goodness. What am I going to do? Like, I don't know if you like me. And now, am I better? I am so much better. So when she's not feeling well, I'm not crying. And maybe I was crying because I felt like there's nothing I could do for her. And I was just so upset that I'm a bad mom again. And I went deep. I'm like, why my bad mom? Where did this stem from? How come I didn't do the signs? This is all my fault. See, that's what I mean. But now when she gets sick, I'm like, yeah, you're fine. Just take whatever, blah, blah, blah. Oh, you need a rest. Go to sleep. I mean, I am so much better. That's what I mean. After, during these baby seasons, having help, you know, that's what I'm learning about myself. I am Oh my goodness, there's so many other things. But that's what I wanted to share with you. I wanted to share with you, your baby seasons is different for everybody. But I wanted to share what mine looked like. And I wouldn't change it because I absolutely loved it. I really did love it. And I want to tell you, Mom, you are doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources you have. Seriously, and I want to keep saying that to remind you, like I totally believe with all my heart that you are an amazing mom. And I hope you tell yourself the same. I tell myself I am an amazing mom for my child. I'm an amazing wife for my husband. I am the best mom for her and I am the awesome best wife for my husband. You're welcome. And I say that because I truly am. You are truly am. You are giving your best and you're giving what you got. Like you are showing up for your family. Whether or you made breakfast, you didn't make breakfast. Whether you're working part-time or you're staying at home as a full-time mama. Okay, we're all full-time members, but you know what I mean. Or you cleaned the house, you didn't clean the house. It's different for everybody, and everybody goes through different things. But I wanted to keep encouraging, as you keep listening to this podcast, you are beautiful. You are amazing. And you are wonderfully made. Like, seriously. When you look yourself in the mirror, Give yourself a high five and hug your soul. You're thinking, how can I hug my soul? Breathe in. Breathe out. Do that five times. Breathe in. Hold it for a few seconds. And then breathe out. Just slow it down. Look yourself in the mirror and say, soul, I love you. Why? Because you've got to be kind to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Say kind things. You say kind things to your child. You say kind things to your husband. So make sure you say kind things to yourself as well. Okay? So I am so glad that you are listening to the Family of One podcast. And also, I'm so excited because I am still working on my book. It's called the Icebreaker Miniseries. So I have been writing a book, and I talked about this a few episodes ago, that I created a book about periods, and it was an icebreaker. It was just to introduce the topic about periods.

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How to start the conversation. Because there are so many things out there, like online, in the library, you know, on Amazon, you name it, books about periods. But I was specifically looking for an icebreaker book. Nothing in detail, just introducing the word periods, where it came from, what do you do, just to help you have that conversation. Like, Nothing deep, just like it's a two to three minute read, probably two minute read. Because my daughter read it and she goes, keep it short, mama. Keep it short, mom. And it was really for her. So it's aimed at children to read to parents, their moms or mom and daughter can read it together. So that's why I created, and I thought, you know what? I think I'm going to start an icebreaker miniseries. So it's really, I'll have different topics and it's going to be based on lots of conversations that I have with Olivia. What kind of topics, you know, that I just want to have an icebreaker and talk about. And then I will start writing the book. So I'm still working on that. If you want to hear more, more about it I will put a sample on the book what it looks like and then I'll just have like a waiting list so you can if you want to order the book later on I'll make that available And I also want to give a big shout out to my listeners. Thank you so much for your support from the United States, especially from Wetago. I hope I got that right from Connecticut and Bristol. And then we got listeners from Japan, Canada, France, Germany, United Kingdom, Spain, and Australia. I just want to say thank you so much for listening and tuning in to each week. When I release the episode, I just want to say thank you so much. And please reach out to my fan mail if you have any questions or send me an email in the link below. I would just love to connect with you. Once again, you've been listening to the Family of One podcast. This is for your friend. I will meet you in the next episode. Bye.