Mom at 49: Laughing and Crying Through the Journey

In Episode 23 of The Family of One, I share what it’s like being a mom at 49, from the funny moments (like forgetting I wasn’t 32 at work!) to the honest reflections of where I’m at in this season.

It’s a lighthearted look at motherhood, aging, and embracing the beautiful chaos of life with an only child. If you’ve ever felt like time is flying or like you’re still 32 in your head, this episode is for you.

Tune in for laughter, stories, and a reminder that every season of motherhood has its own kind of magic.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hey amazing only child moms, I'm Paul Comic, your part-time working man friend who loves Yahweh, family, and fun. Welcome to the Family of One, who reach your joys and adventures of raising an only child. Expect relatable stories, parenting laughs, and faith-built tips. Let's make small family life enjoyable. Woo! Welcome back. This is your friend 4, and we are going to talk about well, I was gonna say old age. But depending on how old you are, it's all relative. So I when I was in my 20s, I would think like a 50-year-old, or maybe when I was in my teens, and I was thinking, boy, when you're 30, that's old. And when you're third, and then I met when I was 30, I was like, man, 60 years old. Bahumbug me. Because now I'm going into how old am I? I'm 48. No, actually I'm 49 years young. So why am I bringing out the age, the good old, well, I don't want to say good old age, because depending where you are, you will feel young even though when you woke up this morning, or maybe you finished having a nice lunch and you're ready for a nap, you could be like, oh either way, I'm a bit either tired or sore, or you have energy to do things. All I know is the age of my now, I'm feeling okay since I'm still alive. So I wanted to talk about being an older parent. Because if I compared myself to other mums who had children, they started a lot of my friends started a lot earlier. They were in their early 20s, they started having babies, or they had a child in their, you know, when they're maybe 19 to like you know, early 20s, 25. Where when I had Olivia, she I was 40, so I so that was a lot bit older. So I wanted to talk about my experiences of being an older mom. I'm comparing myself to friends because I know I read articles where other people around the world who have had a child a lot older than me, like later in life, and apparently they're doing well according to the articles that I've read. They've got wonderful family support, so each to their own. So I just want to talk about my experience. So if you're a mom and you're a lot younger, you started young and you are now like your child is in their teens and you're in your just 40s, late 40s. Well, wonderful for you. But if you are like me, you're 49, like kind of late 40s, and your daughter or child is eight or nine years old, you might be able to relate a little bit to me a bit more, my my situations and story. And the reason why we had Olivia a lot later is because we could not have her when we got married at 30. So we needed quite a bit of help, and we eventually shared our miracle baby, end up having her 10 years later, which was thank you, Jesus. I absolutely that in itself is another episode. But I wanted to talk about my experiences when I talk to moms who have had their children a lot younger. Oh my goodness, I tell you, some of the conversations, I think, well, because we don't know what we don't know when we say things, it can be hilarious. For example, my younger friends, when they had like one or two children, and they were a lot younger. I mean, and their kids they would say, Oh my goodness, I don't want to look like a grandma when I'm in my late 40s or something, or as I get older, my family, you know, people will look at me and my child, and I'll be have and I'll have that granny look or grandma look. And I was thinking, wait, I had my child a lot older. I don't want to be that grandma, granny look, and then I realized I have and I do know of you know ladies and moms who are now my age, and their children are having children, and so they are they are a grandma and they look absolutely wonderful. So it really depends whether you are grandma now and you're 49 or 40, late 40s, or you're just having a baby, you know, either you're having a baby, or your child is eight years old, like my child in your late 40s. I think it's just how you feel because I've met some people who can who are a lot younger than me, but I feel I have a lot of energy and I just look pretty okay when I brush my hair and I put on some clean clothes, I look pretty okay. So, why am I saying that? It really depends. This is how I feel how you see yourself. Remember, mums, in order to be a friend, you gotta be a friend with yourself. Always start with yourself, so no matter how much old, and then sometimes the conversations can be hilarious when you're talking to people. So the conversations and it really depends because most of my friends, well, some of them have multiple children, so they're not the conversations are gonna be different, but the ones where my friends they have like an only child and they're a lot younger. I feel in my experience with them, they're more understanding than they didn't in my experiences, they didn't look at me as someone who's in their late 40s, who stereotype as someone who is not able to move because she's going to have a nap, or she doesn't understand the lingo or what's going on, like I don't know, but even so, because in my situations, I just like a few, I think it was last year or the year before, I was trying to learn Instagram and then Snapchat, and then some other things, and I was thinking, oh my goodness, some of these things are very interesting, and I try to keep up with it, YouTube and ask other mums around, you know, what they post, what they don't post. So far, I got Facebook down. I know how to navigate through that, but just the other social media pages I had to learn. Like, this is a tip. If you are don't if you're not familiar with Instagram and you're listening to this podcast, and someone sends you a message because they like your post and they send you a love heart, and then if you love heart them back, sometimes it can mean different things. Like, I started love hiding, love hiding, love hiding. I started sending love heart and say thank you, thank you, you're awesome. And then I would check who the account is, like who owns that, and let me tell you, it was not good. I had to unfriend, like is it delete? Is that what you say? Delete the delete that person, unfollow because it was not appropriate. So if you do or are thinking about opening an Instagram account, you I would highly recommend asking someone who you can trust and has your good heart and mind, and they can teach you about Instagram. Because I had to ask a few people and they were laughing. My friends are like, Oh my goodness, four, no, that's not what you do. This is blah blah blah, you don't accept everybody as your friend because some people can be crazy and inappropriate, but getting back on track to the family of one child, why was I saying that? Because as a mother, as a mom who in her late 40s, I notice sometimes the things that I want to do with Olivia and the things that maybe another mom wants to do. I just I wonder if it's interest because I have a mom have friends, they haven't only children, and maybe were they actually I don't know. I haven't when I think about it, I really haven't had this kind of a struggle because their interests, like I feel they tend to be well, I guess maybe it's my personality. I mean, they're fine, they just do what they want to do, and even though my interests may not be the same, like they might, for example, really enjoy Halloween and the Halloween themes and going to Halloween activities where I'm not, and I don't think it's has it does not have to do with age, I just it has to do with I don't I don't enjoy celebrating Halloween because one I'm just not that type of person. One, I don't like spiders. So if I'm gonna say a spider in Halloween, I know there's a lot of they like Halloween and witches, I'm not gonna like it. I'm gonna get my vacuum cleaner broom and I'm just gonna hit everything down. So I'm not about that anyway. And so I guess what I'm saying is another difference is maybe having her a lot later. I maybe because oh, I did have a conversation with her mom and she was a lot younger, she was in her uh late 20s, and she was saying that for her, as she was still discovering about herself that I was saying at this stage in my life I am really comfortable with the way my body is. For example, I'm studying, I speak more kindly to my body. Yes, could I be a lot more healthier? Absolutely, I could be a lot healthier, but in a way where I say it is my body gives great hugs to my family, to my husband, and to my daughter. This body provides love when you know, providing support, encouragement. This body moves around the house to clean up, to cook dinner, to pick up, pick up my child from school. You know, this body walks the A and B, works. So I'm in in the way it moves, I'm just so thankful it can move, it can walk, it can pick up things, it can take things. Like there's so many positive things I say about my body, like my hands are still working, they're good, soft, kind hands, and yet they're also strong. And so I was telling her that, and she was looking at me like, wow, you have speak that into confidence, and then I looked at her and I said, you know what? I've started to appreciate more at this stage when I was a lot younger, maybe the younger me, 20 me, but it's different because I wasn't a mom, and I don't think I was maybe I just finished, you know, I just came out of a relationship, but I wasn't really focusing, so my mindset was different. So when I had Olivia at 40, I had it took us nine to ten years to you know have to start a family. So once I had her, I had a lot, I had quite a long time to process what kind of mom, because I always wanted to be a mom. I had really, you know, learned about myself, and I'm still learning about myself. You would think I would know everything detailed about why I do what I do, when I do what I do, why I do at the time I do. That's a lot of do's. But I was a lot more thankful of the things I overcame. Now I'm still learning, but at that stage, and maybe you're listening and you've done a lot of work in your 20s or 30s, so coming into your 40s, you're like, you know, I'm really good. Well, I'm that's why I wanted to give you encouragement with this episode is for those who are an older mom, and maybe you're you don't know other moms your age in their late 40s who's had an only child, and I just want to let you know, you are amazing. Because I also met another mom at my work, and she's she's amazing as well. She has an only child, and the way she gives me an encouragement, the way she talks to me, the way she says, and her child's a lot older. I think her child's in her 20s. And even though Olivia is eight years old, the fact is it's not something that I'm going to like, oh, you better hurry up and get this done because you're gonna be like 80 years old and you won't be able to like see who do things. No, she doesn't talk about that, she just gives encouragement where I am now and what I'm building, and that's what I wanted to give you. I don't I really want to let you know that the age you're at now, just if I could just encourage you to be, to remind you to you know, to look at how much wonderful things you have done, and the things that you have continued to encourage yourself. Maybe you're going back to school at this age, maybe you're working part-time like me, or maybe you're trying new things. I mean, I am trying to, you know, I have still working on writing my book, The Period Book, which is coming out, and it's so good. Olivia has been helping me with the process and with our illustrator. So I am so excited when this book comes out. I'm hoping that when I share it, if for those who would like a copy, just let me know. I'll send you that email, you'll be the first to get it. And so, I mean, just the conversations that you're having with yourself, does that make sense? Like, and then there's pre-menopause. Oh my goodness, pre-menopause. Talk about you put that on top of that, and you are doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources you have, and sometimes you're wondering, like, what do you look like? For I mean, are you ever gonna show a video when you're doing the podcast? Because I look at other podcasts on YouTube and other social medias, and I'm thinking, well, I'm really filming in my pajamas, and I don't I mean, my pajamas, they're cute, they're really nice, comfortable pajamas. Got them from Walmart, they're comfortable. And so I was thinking, if I start filming again, I mean, if you go to my YouTube channel and there's some videos so you know what I look like, but I haven't filmed what in my hair, I put it up. I mean, do I hairspray it when I'm uh recording? No. I mean, do I like put makeup on when I'm recording? No, meaning like a lip gloss, maybe some things on my cheek. I mean, no, I'm not, and so I wondered if maybe you're out there thinking, well, maybe she should, because then I can see more, we can connect more. Let me know if enough of if enough of you say, Look, we know we like hearing your voice, but we also like to see you when you're recording. You know, drop me a line, let me know on YouTube, give me feedback, and then I will start recording it. On, you know, I can do the video as well as the visual. But I hope I keep encouraging as you're listening to this and you're in your 40s, late 40s, and you're saying, I want to learn new things as I'm being as a mom with an only child. Like I said, maybe you want to go to school. Me, I started creating books, and I'm starting learning to um create other books, and that because I love to create, I have like such an imagination. My husband would say, I'm very what do you say? Is it dramatic? I don't know, and you know me as you listened a lot. I just wanted to inspire you at this stage, or maybe you do, but you just don't have time. I mean, do we ever have time? Maybe, maybe not, or maybe there's something as you're listening to this, maybe it's sparked an interest. Like you want to start to try new things, but maybe learn how to line dance, tap dancing, or even learning how to ride a bike. Something, it doesn't have to be even something physical, it could be just something like you want to learn how to cook or paint, or even start, I don't know, it could be crocheting, or it could be something else, it could be something like taking up what's it called, bowling. I mean, there's so many different things, but I hope listening to this episode, and as you're a mom with an only child, you take something for yourself, start learning something fun for yourself, because you know what, that is such it fills your heart. So maybe maybe you're listening to this, and you're like, one, I maybe don't have the money to do it. You know, there's something free. You could always find something free out there, depending on what you want to do. Like, if you say, Well, I want to do swimming and I don't know how to swim, well, I would recommend maybe. You know of someone you might have a friend or family, but if you're listening to this, you're like, there is no river, there's no lake, there's like absolutely nothing nearby. Well, I'm hoping that you can go to maybe a hotel that may have a swimming pool, that you go in the shallow and do not go in a deep end, go in the shallow end with someone just in case you know you need help, be safe. Or start off with something, I don't know. You got you got to look and put in the time. That's the thing. I mean, I've met some quite a few people that want to start some things, but they just want it to come to them. And unfortunately, sometimes that doesn't happen. You have to make it happen, or even research it, look it up online, or even ask someone. So that way, when the opportunity comes around, they either your friend might, oh, I remember you wanted to do this, or something might come up, and you might have a chance to look at it even further. I think it's always nice as we are raising our child and we're helping our families and we're encouraging our husband and we're contributing to the community that you take the time to contribute to yourself. And I say this, but it's so true to fill your heart with something that you enjoy, and everybody enjoys something different. So, what I enjoy is not going to be the same as someone who's listening to this. I mean, my enjoyment is one, I like to take naps, and two, afterward, I just like to stay in my house and hunker down and be by myself for a few hours. Because I go out, because of my job, I'm a volunteer coordinator and I'm with people all the time, like I'm constantly talking. So when I come home, and especially during the weekend, I just want to just be by myself. And my husband, he loves to be with him and Olivia, they just go and do things all the time together, and sometimes I'm like, I don't want to go and do those things, I just want to stay home. I'm I love being a homebody, I love to stay home. I mean, I just that's how I feel get my energy back just by staying home. But it could be opposite for someone for other people. When you come home, you might need to be around people a lot, like go and spend time with them, go and be with friends, and just get yourself energized and go and do activities. So each is different, and so that's why I wanted this um podcast to to let you know as you're discovering more about yourself, and as you are, you know, you're parenting your child, and you are doing the best you can with the resources that are given to you, just continue to be kind to yourself, and I keep saying that because we are amazing, we are raising our only child, and they grow up so fast. They do. I mean, I remember someone said, Boy, you blink, and then they already started walking, you blink, and then next minute they're going off to they're driving, you blink, and then they're already going off to high, you know, college or university, or they got a job, and it is, and she's I mean, she's not got a job right now, she's only eight years old. I mean, her job is she could be cleaning more, but I'm sure if she had this microphone, she could be telling a lot of things that I could be doing right now. But as I'm saying this, you know, and I'm reflecting back on my 48 to 49. Why do I say I'm 48? Maybe because I think, am I 48 years old or am I 49? I remember when I was 30, I think I kept myself at 32, and I said, No, I refuse to be any older. Seriously, that is so funny. So I remember going to work and I found out it was my I was 32 years old. I literally really thought I was like 29. I know this is ridiculous. And then my co-workers were saying, uh, you were born in 1976. You are not 29, you're 32. And for some reason, I think when I heard I was 32, talk about Jana. I had a meltdown, I was crying, and my boss, he was so kind, he came and he was like, he thought it was something serious. He was like, What is going on? Because I was just crying and crying, and I said, I just found out here it goes, ladies, that I'm 32 years old. That's it. And he looked at me like I had two heads, or I was just on a crazy, crazy cycle. I probably was, and he looked at me and he goes, Did you he goes, excuse me? And I said, I I'm crying because I just found out I was th I'm 32 years old. The poor man didn't know what to say, so I I just sat there crying, being ridiculous, crying because I just found out I was 32 years old. One, it's ridiculous because as a 32-year-old, you should know when you're 32. And why did I think I stopped at 29? Who knows? So I guess it's okay to do have your moments. Well, that was my moment, and I think ever since then, I'm like, nope, I don't count how old I am, so that's why I'm going, am I 49 or am I 48? I'm really 49 years old, but I like to think, but people do say, Wow, you look younger than 49. I like to think so. But then if I do look 49, I'm like, woohoo, I love being 49 because that's where I'm at right now. And my body sometimes it moves faster for a 49, and sometimes it moves slower for a 49. And if I ever need feedback, my my daughter absolutely loves to tell me where my body's at at a 49-year-old. So I hope this encourages you, encourages you a lot, as you are absolutely doing the best, you're raising your child. Just have fun. Okay, have fun, do something kind for yourself. And I wanted to I wanted to give a shout out to my listeners who listened to the last episode. And the reason why I do this is because you take the time to listen to me, and I want to take the time to say thank you to you. So for the last episode, I wanted to give a shout out to this in Wellington, New Zealand, London, England, Manchester, Manchester, Bloomfield, Connecticut, Sydney, New South Wales, and Mount Laurel, New Jersey. I'm gonna give a shout out to those listeners. Thank you very much for listening to the last episode. You all are amazing. And also send me a text, and I'm excited, I'm absolutely excited once again when my book of the period comes out. I created this fun book about when you want to talk about the topic period to your child. I mean, I needed a little bit of help because I wanted to about that topic, I just wanted it to be an icebreaker for Olivia and I. I didn't want to go into detail. I had been looking around for a book and I wasn't sure. And the books I found, I just felt it just wasn't the right timing for her and I to go in all the depth of your body and everything that comes with it, all the other topics about sex and everything. I just wanted something very light, like an icebreaker. Like you know, when you go to either meetings or you go to like a dance, and there's always like an icebreaker. Did I say a dance? You go places and sometimes they have games or an icebreaker just to get the conversation going or just get things warmed up. That is what my book is about, is just an icebreaker just to help you start that to ease you in that next conversation. And so this is what my book, and I'm so excited, it has helped me absolutely helped me have other conversations with about the period, with more with Olivia Her and I. We talk about it, others parts of the body, and we talk more about the period and the products and everything that goes with it, and so I just wanted I was really thankful that I had this book with me, and then I had other friends, and I let them read it. So, as soon as that is available to everybody, I would love to share it with you. Just let me know, send me an email, send me a text, and then I will put you on the waiting list when it comes out. Okay, well, thank you for listening. This is for your friend, and thank you for listening to the podcast and liking it. This is the Family of One Child podcast. I will see you in the next episode. Bye.