Chores with a Purpose

In this episode of The Family of One, I share how we’re using chores to build purpose and financial awareness at home.
Instead of saying yes to every toy or makeup request, I’ve been learning to say “no” (or “not right now”), and helping my child work toward meaningful goals by earning and saving. It’s a shift that’s teaching both of us: money can be a tool for growth, not just instant gratification.
And yes, I even talk about the Tooth Fairy, like that one time I didn’t have the exact cash, so I got creative. 
🎧 Tune in for honest reflections, practical parenting tips, and a few funny wins worth celebrating.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Hey amazing only child mums, I'm Paul Comic, your part-time working man friend who loves Yahweh, family, and fun. Welcome to the Family of One, reach your joys and adventures of raising an only child. Expect relatable stories, parenting laughs, and faith-filled tips. Let's make small family life enjoyable. Woo! Hi, it is Fora and welcome back. I am so excited. Yes, to the family of one. So today's topic, I have been thinking about what we should talk about, and the topic is chores. C-H O R E S. And I'm hoping that I spelled it correctly. Chores. And the reason why I wanted to talk about chores is because I'm curious how are you? I mean, are you for one thing having your only child do chores depending on the age that they're at? And it's got to be age appropriate, right? Because it I mean, you couldn't have your child who's three years old going out mowing the grass. I mean, that would be very interesting if you did. So I it's been a trial and an error for having my eight-year-old find the chores and then giving her what is the reward. So we started, okay, so she's eight, maybe when she was, well, actually, when she was when she could, like we started when she was little, and we taught, you know, we would encourage her. Okay, after we played, we put the toys away, and then we would make it as a game. And so then somehow in the process, maybe I got tired of telling her. Most days, or some days are good, some days are better. And then I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna help you. Then I went, I did that approach. I'll I'll help you put the toys away. She got older, and then I realized I'm moving a lot faster than she is, and then I went on Pinterest, and then I went on Google, on YouTube, and Instagram. You know, I'm just watching other like really good ideas, and then I like I taught her how to fold her own clothes when she was five years old and hang them up, and then I think I even mentioned it, she could I even filmed it so she could so she could do it herself, and then I got her a little vacuum cleaner. I think I already talked about this, but why don't I want to talk about this topic a little bit differently is because now it comes to money, and so I noticed that because we we have done the Dave Ramsey financial piece semi uh financial piece we've gone through that material, and we really I mean it has helped us and given us good habits, even though we could improve more. And so it it taught her as well how to save, how to spend, and also to give. And so with this book, it came with a like a like a piggy bank. I don't know it's a piggy bank, but somewhere you put your money in it, they had it's kind of like a triangle, and each had three in the container in the money bank. There's a spend, save, and give. And so when Olivia, when she does her chores or gets birthday money, she divides it up in threes. But here's the thing: her Christmas list gets bigger and more expensive each time. Now, I this year my approach is very different. So with her money that she earns from doing her chores, I said, you know what, because she really wants this this hobby horse, and I said to her, Okay, well, with the money that you are receiving from your chores, that at the end of the week, mommy and daddy gives you the money, you can pay your own, you can pay your own present. And if you're listening, like really, really for you're gonna go there. Well, excuse me, some of some of her gifts, like one hobby horse, it's$300. Now I did that last year and I paid out a lot, a lot of chickens, meaning it's a lot of moolah that I so this year she's like, Mom, I want another hobby horse. And I went, oh my goodness. So I and she goes, and I would like this, the accessories that go with the hobby horse, and that's nice. But here's what I learned. I so she has written out what she wants for Christmas, and that's okay, and she's put the price. And I said, she goes, Are you gonna give it to me? And I'm like, No. But she doesn't know I'm not gonna I am gonna help her, but I don't want to tell her that right now. And she's probably listened, she'll listen to this podcast as she gets older, maybe she will, maybe she won't. She realized, Mom, I can't believe it. You're all this time you're gonna get it. But will I, will I not? Because I'm paying for other things for her equestrian life. So I said, I've noticed she has been saving every time she gets paid or birthday money or some money, she puts it, she divides it in threes. She puts some in savings, some in giving, and some in spending, and then she adds it up and she was like, Okay, I've got like$75, and this is and the hobby horse is$300. And she looked at me, she goes, Mom, Christmas is coming soon because now we're in September, and I don't think I'm gonna have enough. And I said, You the way you're going, if you keep doing your chores, you can save for something, like just keep going, don't give up. You can keep going. She goes, Are you gonna help me? I said, Not today, I'm not because I've got bills to pay, and she would be like, Mom! And so it makes me it's hilarious, and I would say hilarious because you're gonna crack up. I remember, okay, so the tooth fairy, right? I my parents, you're wondering, what is a tooth fairy? Well, hold on, here it is. When your tooth came out when you're a child, your parent would give you some money. Now, my parents being from an islander background, and maybe there are islanders now that do this, but back in the day, I did not know of any islander, nor my aunties and uncles give their children money when they tooth when their tooth came out. So when my tooth came out, my next door neighbor, we took our little baby tooth and we or teeth, and we would give it to my neighbor, and she would give us 50 cents, which was a lot of money back in the day. Okay, that I'm like 49 years old, so that's a lot of money when I was a child. And so now because my husband and their family do this to Ferry, I was like, she doesn't need any money. So now we give her money when her tooth comes out. So we gave her we give her five dollars. Now, for some people, they're like, five dollars, that's a lot of money. You're right about that. Or I would have given her one dollar, but I don't know why we start with five, maybe because she's an only child, who knows? So here's the thing: there was one time she uh we did not have a five dollar note, we had a ten dollar note, we had a twenty dollar note, and I did not want to give her ten dollars. No, I didn't even want to give her twenty dollars, and then I remembered, oh, in her piggy bank, in her bank, she has money. So what did I do? I went over and I took the five dollars. If you're listening, like no, I can't believe you did that, and I took that five dollars from the savings and I put it in her her, what do you call it? My husband, he writes a beautiful note. I should read it. We should make um an episode about the two fairy, and he writes from he's like the two fairy, and he writes how much she is amazing, and he draws unicorns, and he goes all out. He draw he writes a letter to her. She knows now that he's the two fairy, but she when she was little, she didn't know, and so she he makes a big thing, and then we put the money in under her pillow, and when she wakes up, she was like, Oh, the tooth fairy gave me five dollars. Well, hello, I because I forgot the five dollars, I you know, I didn't go to the bank in the evening because it was way late, everything had closed, so I went and then I thought to myself, I am so good that I could keep doing this all the time. And then I was telling my co-workers, and they're like, You cannot be taking five dollars from her savings and then putting it to her, and I said it's her money anyway. Because then I thought I could do that with her birthday money, but then I realized eventually she's gonna count and like how come the total is still the same? So I only did that one time, or did I do that twice? But then I had to go back and put in the$10 eventually, like there's twice. Okay, people, you're listening. Sometimes I forget, and we don't have changed, but I have I I did put like if I took five dollars, I made sure I got five dollars and I put it back in. I put an extra five dollars I made up, but oh my goodness. So, what is the point of this conversation? It's because of the chores. She I found out not only she's saving towards she's doing her chores, but she's actually had a purpose where she wants to buy something, and she is looking at that goal and she's saving it herself, and just hearing her conversation, she's like, Okay, and she has a calendar and she counts down the days, and she's like, Oh my goodness, I gotta get this, I gotta work towards it. Now, the the thing is, I'm asking myself, do I have I set her up for success? Meaning, is she going to achieve the goal? Is she going to get that hobby horse? Or do I not buy the hobby, like put in extra whatever that amount is that she's short, and let her know sometimes you just don't get what you it takes longer to say. Like she goes, Mom, she said to me, Mom, I might be short. Can you help me? And she asked me today, she goes, Can you help me? And I said, Not today, I'm not. She goes, I can give you half of the money. And I was like, Today I have been paying bills, your father and I, so I don't have the money. I mean, do I have the money? I do, but I was like, for today, I'm not because I've already allocated all my money out. She knows mommy and daddy allocate money out and we stick to the budget. Is there flexibility all the time? But I want if I told her, because she is so used to, and because I'm working on this, when we go to the store, I buy her things when she wants. I most times, like most times, if my sister will say, or even the grandma, she goes, Oh yeah, they say yes all the time, and so I'm learning, I'm learning to say delay gratification. You know, it is good to work for something, it is good to sometimes, and I tell her, there are people who are in better situations than our family that when they they can just buy things and they don't need to wait. And yet there's some others who wait, and there's some others who just cannot. But it's good character if you just wait. Delay gratification doesn't kill anyone's character. So I always say, delay gratification. Your father and I know that very well. We build builds character, it's okay. So she looked at me, she goes, I hope I get this horse. And I said, I hope you do too. But you have a way to contribute. That's the point. I'm telling her, you have a way, we have given you a way to earn money, so just do what you can and we'll figure it out. And that's what I tell her: do what you can and we'll figure it out. Now, here's the thing: she has many opportunities to earn money, and we give her some of the chores are between two and one dollar, and that's a lot of money. I mean, some I checked with my other friends, and some of them like, okay, so I used to give her like 10 cents. And then I realized she's not that was like five years, that when she was five. I was like, goodness, she's five cents is fine. What is she gonna buy? But then I ended up like, you know what, that is not good. So I ended up switching it up, and this year is two to one dollar. I think I even when I say you can vacuum the house for four dollars, so I there is if you're listening, there are multiple opportunities where she can earn between twenty or thirty dollars per week. I'm telling you, for an eight-year-old, that's pretty good. And today's money, you always say, and only do it, and the chores only take you between 10 to really 15 minutes. Now the laundry with a good attitude, she can do it. It might take you 15 to 20 minutes, but she has her music and she likes to like you know, have the music background, and so it really depends. And she picked the chores. I said, You pick it, so it's something you want to do. And then she was funny, she was like, What? Do I get do I get a chore for brush, do I get paid for brushing my teeth? And I went, Do I get paid for brushing my teeth? Do I get paid for putting my own laundry away? And then I went on that, man. I went on that, do I get paid for cooking dinner? She goes, Okay, ma'am. I said, No. Part of chores as a family, I said there's things that we pay you to do because that's how you can earn money, but there's also things that you do around the house because that's what we're all part of. If that's what family do, we all contribute and brushing your teeth and combing your hair, and also putting the dishes away for us, that's just being part of the family. You're part of the family, and it helps, everyone helps. And she was like, Okay, so she picked things like feeding the cats outside, they're cats, there are cats outside, and it's not our cats, but yet she wants to feed these cats. So now she was like, if I feed the cats and wash the bowls, can I get paid for it? So that's a dollar. I said, sure, she does that. But I said, You need to feed our indoor cats, our own cats. She was like, I can do that as well. So there's things that she picked that we both agreed on that she would get money for so she can help. But then I thought, that's so good. So with the money she gets, it goes towards the big things that she wants, like Christmas gifts or birthday gifts. And I thought, why didn't I do this last year? And maybe because maybe because last year I wasn't thinking about it. I just thought, oh my goodness, I'm Christmas is coming up, and I gotta get all these presents. How am I gonna do it? But I thought, you know what? Because she keeps asking for it, and because she has a way to achieve to at least contribute to it, I think that's a good move. So maybe, I don't know, maybe for you, you might have a better way where you have your child when they do their chores. Maybe you have a better system, maybe you have them pick the chores like me, or you might have to say, you know what, yeah, brushing your teeth, you don't get paid for that. You know, it's age appropriate where things you just do because you're part of the family, and it's other things that we can both agree on where you would get paid. Or maybe you're like me, we grew up and we did not get paid for doing chores. It was just something you did. You made your bed, you get your uniform ready for school, you put the dishes away, you clean the house before you went out uh to play your sports. I mean, that's the way our family grew up. You just had chores and you had to do it before you went to go to friends or before you played sports, that was it. But with Olivia, we felt, you know what, we really need to get serious with this. But then I had to set things up. So when I did the chores, like it I use Canva, and Canva is where you can create your own templates and designs. I use that, so I go from week to week, and then I just made it really she helped me design it, and I think that was more nice because the other time I just designed it myself and I put it on a whiteboard. And some people like there's some whiteboards out there, and they have like fun designs, and you can put like magnets on, but for Olivia that didn't work, so she wanted to create her own template, so we did that together. We spent about half an hour, and of course, hers were horses, and so she I typed it up and she designed her template, and then we printed out each Sunday because it Sunday is when she gets paid. We we add it up together, and then she tells me, and then I give her dollar notes. So if it's like$15 is$15 in one dollar notes. I saw this from this other parent on YouTube, and I thought that's such a good idea, and also it's easy. So when we divide the money, she picks on what she does for spending, saving, and giving, how she divides it, and I can assure you she puts more in spending. I have to remind her, uh, excuse me, there's also giving, so you don't give member, don't just leave put everything in spending and saving, but it's such a learning curve, and so for me, when I set up the chores and I print that out, I make sure you know I'm there to so she has a new she starts at the beginning of the week, and then it's pr it's put on her door, and she can see it, it's noticeable, so she knows if you want money, and like I remember one week, she was like, Man, I didn't earn enough. I said, well, you know, these chores, they're up to you whether you're gonna earn money or not. That is that's for you to decide. That's your responsibility if you want to if you want to earn some money, that is there for you. And then I told her there's a cutoff, like on Sunday, if it's not done by a certain time, and I think I said like three o'clock, I don't count it. So you can do it at four or five, but you don't get paid for that time because I made sure there's kind of like a framework. So, and then there's also I said she went to go and clean her room, and then she goes, Do I get paid for it? She ticked it and I I had a look and it was not up to par. This is not acceptable. And I put a cross on her. I said, You know why? Because this hasn't been picked up, this hasn't been vacuumed. She goes, Mom, I just put this, I just kind of like shoved it on one side. I said, Yeah. When before we did this, I you and I had a clear understanding of what cleaning room looked like. Everything was put in its proper place, nothing was just shoved to the corner in a pile. And she looked at me, she goes, Okay. I said, So you do not get paid for that unless you want to redo your room, do it properly. And she said, uh, it's okay. Okay, so at least I gave you an opportunity to redo it, but she didn't want to. I was like, What? I in my mind I said, you don't get paid for that. So it's a learning curve for me. So when I said framework around her chores, and because she's eight, I had to make sure one, it's age appropriate, two, she's able to do with its success. Like, I wouldn't give her like go and mow the grass on the tractor because that would be inappropriate. Because one, our tractor is very big. There are some children I know out in the country who probably could mow the grass at that age because I've been brought up on a farm, but for her, she hasn't been on the tractor enough for her to be successful, so we wouldn't do that. So all the chores I picked for her are age appropriate, and she's able to do it within a time frame to still be successful. I'm such a good mom. And so I was wondering, and then now that I've learned with the with doing the chores, she has a goal and what she wants to use her money for, and that is so good because the conversations around that is saying here. If she says, Mom, can you buy me this at this store? Can you get me this? and I can say, I truly say, Look, you are earning your money, and you have an opportunity to buy and make choices with what you have, and she'll be like, Oh, it's so expensive because I'm saving for this hobby horse. And I say to her, I too am saving for this, or I too am saving for that. So I choose not to spend this money for what you're wanting because I want to save for this, and that's when my money's allocated. She's like, Oh mom, and it's been really good. Like before, I'm like, I will say, sure, sure, sure, sure, yes, yes. And that was my fault because I'm like, oh my gosh, I used to just go to the shop by myself when my husband was home and say, Hey, I'm just going shopping. And I used to whisper, I'm going shopping by myself, or I'll go shopping before I pick her up or something while she's at school, or when she's with my husband. I do, and then I'll go shopping so I wouldn't have to say no to her. Now, isn't that ridiculous? Maybe you're listening, you don't have a problem. You're like, oh no, I can say no. Well, I'm still learning and I'm doing really good. And say, no, not right now. Or I tell her, when we go shopping, I'm not buying anything. You know, sometimes I use it and I still come out, I buy her things. Yeah, and then I one time ask her, man, darling, I we we had that discussion, and I told you I wasn't gonna buy anything for you. And you said yes, and she said, Mom, if I keep asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and giving my sad face look, you eventually say yes, and I mean, oh, oh my goodness, I really need to have a talk with your father because I need to get better at this. Oh, Montana, see, I'm still learning too. You may be further ahead than I am in this area, or you may be thinking, I am going through that same problem with my child during this season, or maybe you're thinking, Oh, my child's not old enough yet. So I'm hoping as you're listening to this, you or maybe you're thinking, you know what, maybe it's I can do a chore chart, or maybe you have a better system than me, or maybe you're wondering, should I, shouldn't I? For us, it has helped us continue to give her responsibilities, and one, it helps her to take care of things that she is responsible for, like she has animals, and for her to take care of them and make sure they have water, just like your horse, she takes care of your horse, she has a cat, make sure he has food, and make sure he's taken care of and has water, those are good skills to have, and also teaches you to just be other than not to think about yourself. So I just want to let you know, and then now that I've told about my oh my goodness, my uh two theory, oh, how I took that money from her saving her little piggy bank, and then I put it back, and then I thought I could just keep doing this. See, I am learning too, that's hilarious. So I don't do that anymore. But do I want to? Sometimes I think it'll be hilarious, I think it'll be easier. But then now that she counts her money and we total it, she'll see, wow, I keep getting money, but it's not changing. Some she would know, and then I would have to tell her and confess, Well, I'm sorry. And then I could I could hear her now, she'll be like, Wow, mom, wow, and it'll be like how much money, and then how long? Probably be like a thousand dollars, something like that. Then I hope I would have to give her a thousand dollars because of all the times I pretended. Oh my goodness. So I hope this has inspired you to I don't know, you're probably laughing, or you're probably thinking, Wow, this woman is too hilarious. Well, the good thing about being too hilarious is oh my goodness, my daughter is so funny, she's so she's so good about the period. So she's asking me about the book, like, mom, is the period book nearly finished? And it's just about there's just a little bit more illustrations to go, and I'm so excited. I could you not, ever since bringing out that book, just the conversations her and I have about our bodies, like the last time we were just talking about okay, bras, because the period led to bras, or the period when she was like, Mom, when am I gonna get a period? Or how do I know? Or if what if I have an accident at school? Like these are the conversations that she's bringing up and she's eight years old. Or you know, am I gonna get a headache sometimes? Or she'll say, uh, mom, do I need a a little bag to take just in case I have my I get my period? So the wonderful thing about this is that she is asking me and she wants those conversations with me. And then we talk about it. We talk about at school, like we really did. What happens if you get your period at school? And she we didn't pack anything, and then I talk about well, the school does have they have underwear for you, and they would one call me, and then you know, they have they had those situations covered, it wouldn't be their first time, and then they would give you a pad to wear, and depending on how like if it goes through your shorts or your trousers, mommy would come and bring something. So if we just those and she was like, Okay, it was not she was not freaked out, she wasn't concerned, she just wanted to know would the school give her something? Would they call me? Is it the first time for the school, like for the teachers to be surprised? Have they done this before? And so I assured her, oh, this is yes, they are, they're not surprised, they are well prepared because they've all been through it, you know, and they have things for that. And then she said, Oh, yeah, that's why when I go to the bathrooms and some bathrooms, there are pads and tampons for in the there's like a bathroom, and they have it on the shelf where the girls can come and get it, and it's it's it's nicely set up and everything, so it's all free. You can just help yourself, and so she was like, Now I know what it is. And I said, Yeah, darling, it's for uh girls that maybe did not bring a pad or do not have tampons, they don't have any products with them, but when they come to school, it is available there for them all the time. So they have this awesome stock for students that is there, you don't pay any money, and they've got it up really lovely, like a basket or something in one of the bathrooms, and you just can't help yourself and things that you need. So I told her, Oh, darling, that's what it's there for. But what I loved about this conversation is that once she's coming to me and she's she's starting that conversation, and she's not nervous about it, she's not freaked out, she just talks about it because she said, Oh, from the book, the period, mom. I said, Yes, and I was like, This is such an awesome resource, and I hope that that you have something like that. If you're looking for something, or if you're even curious, message me if you want to be on the waiting list, and I will send you the link, and I would love to share that with you. But man, that is I'm so thankful for this book. The period, and I think she mentioned one about boys, like oh my goodness, your father's not ready for that. And I just want to say, you are doing the best you can with the time that is given, with the resources you have. I want to continue to encourage you to take time for yourself, whatever that looks like. Remember, some for others like to go to sleep, like myself, some like to go for walks, maybe some like likes to go for a swim or just have a nice picnic and read a good book. I just want to say you please take time for yourself and encourage yourself if you want to have a friend. Remember, you gotta be a friend to yourself. Be a friend to yourself because you are awesome. Take the time to look yourself in the mirror and say, You are awesome, you are wonderful, and you are the best mom for your child, and you're the best wife for your husband. You are contributing to the community the best way that you know how, and you're doing it with the resources you have that is available to you, so you are amazing, absolutely amazing. So, I just want to say thank you to all my listeners. I appreciate you so much for taking the time to listen, and I just want to give you a shout out. As you notice, I just want to give a shout out to those who have been listening uh in the last episode. So, in the last episode, is I want to give a shout out to the listener in Wellington, Wellington and Cincinnati, Ohio, to my listener in New York, New York, and Bloomfield, Connecticut. Thank you so much. And also, if you are listening and you would like to be on my podcast, give me a text, give me an email, and I would love to have you. We will do a Zoom call, and we do not need to be on video so we can just record our voices. I would love to have a chat with you, and so our community can get to know you too. So if you would like to call, I mean, be on this podcast and have a chat with me, give me a buys. So I just want to say thank you very much. Thank you for listening and supporting and subscribing to this channel and giving it a thumbs up. I appreciate you, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Bye.