The Heart of Parenting One

Welcome back to The Family of One Child. Today I’m talking about the heart of parenting one, with love, with strength, and with honesty about the worries that come with it.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your child will feel alone later in life, or felt guilty about them missing out on sibling bonds, you’re not alone. These are real, common fears many moms share.
But this episode isn’t about dwelling in guilt, it’s about naming those worries and finding encouragement together. Parenting one comes with unique challenges, but also unique joys.
🎧 Join me for a heartfelt conversation about love, resilience, and the reminder that your family story is enough, just as it is.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Hey amazing only child mums, I'm Paul Comic, your part-time working man friend who loves Yahweh, family and fun. Welcome to the Family of One, who reach your joys and adventures of raising an only child. Expect relatable stories, parenting laughs, and faith-built tips. Let's make small family life enjoyable. Woo! Hi, and welcome. Welcome back to the family of one child. This is for your friend. Yes, we're friends. Because if you're listening to this podcast, hello. Okay, so this today's topic, I'm gonna be talking about parenting one with love and strength. And the part where some of the worries that come with it. And it's really like for me, it doesn't matter if you have one child or multiple children, there's always gonna be some ups and downs with it, right? But I just wanted to focus more of the perspective of a mom with an only child because this is what a podcast is all about. So the first one, and I'm gonna read some comments from moms who have shared about this topic. And the reason why is because once again, I may not be able to relate to this mom, but you may. I may be reading it, you'll be like, hey, I can relate to what she's saying, or then when I share my perspective, you may be like, Oh, I can relate to yours. And it doesn't matter if you can't relate to either one, it's just a conversation, and I just wanted to share and talk about it. So the first topic is fear about being alone later. One mom mentioned this. I worry for her in the future when we are gone. My daughter may be alone in life at the age of 20 or 30. Now, I I'm trying to relate to I think at one time, maybe when Olivia was a little bit younger, maybe when she was five or six, and I was thinking, or maybe it was even younger than that, because I had her at my 40s, and then I was counting out the age difference. I was like, oh my goodness, when she's at this age, I'm gonna be at this age, and I'm gonna be way, you know, I'm gonna be she's gonna be by herself because there's such a big age difference. And my husband, he was like, Okay, calm down, because now you're going on a like a a cyclone cycle or something, you're just going crazy. But I at this at this time, I I could relate to this mom for what she was saying at that moment. Like I did worry at that at that at that stage. I worried for her in the future when we were gone, but then I realized one, what am I worried about? Is it the connection that she's not gonna have with other family members around her? She's not gonna have a church family, she's not gonna be able to have friends, so I really had to really dig deep on what I was really concerned about, and I think it's because one, I had to look at myself of who do I have in my life, what family members, or what friends, church friends, or that I have constantly asked for guidance, parenting advice, and so I reached out to them and asked them how do they cope for their own children? Because I have a brother who has an only child, and I have a sister who has an only child, like they have one child each, and then they'll I mean my daughter's only nine years, she's gonna be nine in a few months, but their children are like in their 20s and they're um well, I think early 30s. I'm sorry for my nieces and nephew, they're like really unseat, you don't know how old I am, but they're a lot further ahead in life, and so I realized that it's a constant for me to help my child build her community, and then I just gotta leave it in a place that I can trust God, that I have done well with the time that's given, with the resources I have, and that's how I was able to um encourage myself by building building friendships and building support and putting that time in. It's really putting that time in today. So, for example, she has cousins her age. Well, for me, it's taking the time when we do see them that it is quality time because of schedules and everything, but you know, there are gonna be times where it's not convenient for me to go and have you know meet up with her cousins all the time to build that relationship. But I know if I don't, because I'm the adult, I can drive, I gotta get out of my way, I gotta go out of my way to have her go there, have her spend time with her cousins, build that friendships, connect with them, you know, because as they get older, it will how do you say they will rely on them, not rely, but they will take it from where they will add on to what we build. Because, for example, my my mom and dad really encouraged us to build friendships, connections with our cousins. I started to notice, for example, this Thanksgiving, she and her cousins are similar to her age, one of them and has two little has a little sister who's I think she's like five and the other one's three. And so they started to really interact more as in wanting to know each other more about each other's school, and you know, they really played with each other well and encouraged one another. Whereas before a few years, it was kind of like, yeah, they weren't really paying attention to each other, they were just doing their own thing. They were nice, but I discovered this year by watching them, they were really interested in what the other person was learning at school, what the other person was, you know, what they thought about a certain game, and they really interacted well. And I thought that is so awesome. So I, as I'm saying this, my sister reached out to me. She goes, Hey, I would the kids would love to come over to your house, and there's three of them to play with, you know, your child. And I was like, one, I was like, Oh my goodness, I'm hardly ever at home. We're always at the bar and we're doing things. But then I thought, wait, if I want her to have and be surrounded by people who love and have grown with her since she was little, who are positive, and she really connects on well with them in their family, I need to put that time in now. So as an adult, I can do that for her. And is it going to for me like sometimes be inconvenient because I just want a quiet house? Yeah. But so I'm encouraging you, if you have, you know, you have your only child, and if they have cousins who you are able to build that, whether if it's a play day or I don't know, even if it's once a year, I mean, at least start with something that you're able to do, they have they're able to spend time, and so I hope that as you keep building those relationships for your child with either their cousins or friends, and sometimes honestly, friends come and go. I've noticed that with her. Some friends, because it whatever personalities or just location-wise, the family moves, or they just grow out of the friendship, but with family, you know, once you're family, you're family. So and depending, you might like, well, I don't want her to know her cousins for whatever reason, or maybe you do, but I just want to continue to let you know that I hope you continue to build the community, it takes time, it surely does. Okay, our next one. Another mum said, What did she say? She feels guilty about missing out. And this mom said, I love having one kid, but sometimes I do feel guilty about my child, will never have what I had growing up because she loves her siblings. I had siblings and I was the youngest of five, so I always had someone look out for me in a new environment. But there may be some siblings who didn't do that for you. Well, I had those siblings. I had a sibling, she was three years older than me. So when I started school, she was already there and she knew the people, you know, the teachers, she pretty much knew, you know, how to get around the the school grounds, and so she made me feel comfortable in a fight. I could see in the playground era, for example. But Olivia, you know, she didn't have that because she was the only child, and as she's growing up in new situations, in new locations, you know, she's had to deal with it as our children do with an only child. And so in some ways, it would have been nice, those those moments. It's just those moments. And then when she tells me, you know, I see if I something happens in the playground area, which I think I mentioned before, you know, I wish I had a sibling I could go to. But then she's learned to like, okay, well, I don't have a sibling, so what I can do is one, go to a good friend who understands, like me, and there she has some friends who are also an only child, and so she goes to them if she needs a friend to talk about something, or she goes to a friend who has multiple siblings, and or she goes to a teacher, and then she'll say, Okay, you know, I do find eventually I find someone if I need to talk about something, something in a playground area, or if I'm annoyed, or just something, which is in some ways, I am so encouraged by her because of our children with an own, you know, because I've had to like be the trailblazers all the time. I didn't have to be a trailblazer because that path was already pathed out for me. Going to school, going to middle school, going to high school, you know, those paths, even in when I was like going through different stages in life, growing up, getting my period, all of that, my siblings had already pathed it out for me so I can know where to step, what to do, and encouragement. And I had someone similar my age to talk to. Whereas my daughter, I mean, she her and I are still learning. You think we we would have okay, we have an amazing relationship, but there are days where moments where she will come to me later on and she'll say, Mom, you know, it would have been nice to have a similar and a sib sibling close to my age. Because when I tell you stuff, you're gonna be like, either, what is it now? Which I don't think I say, what is it now? But apparently she says the way I look is like mommy's gonna say no, or I'm not gonna talk to her, so I have to listen and be open because one, I am doing my best, but apparently I got a lot of work to go through, according to my chart. Which, okay, if she says it, then it must be true. So I need to honor that. But I tell her, hey, I am doing my best, I'm really trying to relax my face and try and have open, an open heart, open hands, so you can tell me and you feel safe about what you need to share, even if it's complaining about my cooking or whatever, or maybe I talk too much. Who knows? Sometimes it depends on what the moment is. So, what was my point? My point is that this maybe you relate to this mom about you had siblings, or maybe that you also were a child, you grew up as an only child. So it really depends. It's very interesting. I just want to give a shout out to my two amazing listeners from the United States. Thank you for listening. One is from Sinsbury, Connecticut. Yay! I hope you're doing so good, and I want to thank you for listening and supporting this podcast. You are amazing, mom from Sinsbury, Connecticut, and the mom from Las Vegas, Nevada. Oh, thank you both so much, mom from Las Vegas, Nevada. Thank you. You are amazing as well. I just appreciate you both so so much. Absolutely. And I want to tell you, please let me know how you're doing. You can just like send me a text through the podcast, or if you're listening through another app, send me an email, or give me a thumbs up, or just let me know how you're doing. I appreciate you. I would love for you to come on the podcast. Let me know what you want to talk about, and if you relate to this, wonderful. If you're thinking, uh kind of not really, or maybe you're thinking, you know, this was something to think about. I just want to thank you both so much for listening. And another one, this last one is this mom talks about their child may end up carrying all the caregiving duties alone. That's what she was saying. The heavy responsibility of their only child carrying all the caregiving duties alone. Now, I had to have a wake-up call because being an islander, I was like, of course, of course, this child will have to look after us because hello, I gave birth to this child, I I love this child, I gave everything, made sure that this child had all that they need financially, encouragement, and yes, when that when I'm of a certain age, I will love my child to take good care of me. But I think as I started to hear other moms with an only child who are a lot further ahead. I mean, their child are a lot like an age-wise, and they're a lot older, so they have parented like they have wisdom, and I'm still growing. Remember, my child is only eight, and I'm only, and I'm 49, and I've still got a long way to go. So I realize that maybe I'm looking at it wrong from a selfish point of view. Because one, maybe it's not the way I look at it, it's not for my child to solely be responsible financially for me. I mean, I have a job, my husband and I are responsible adults, so it would make sense for him and I to be responsible to make sure as we grow older that we do have financial savings or whatever to take care of ourselves. It should not be a burden to our child. And I was thinking, huh, I didn't see it that way. Now you're probably thinking, really, yeah. See, I'm telling you, I am still learning, and maybe you were already there. You'll be like, Oh, yeah, I did not feel that I should burden my only child, and I don't know if I should say burden, or maybe the the expectations was I am not expecting my child to be financially like a caregiver, whatever that looks like. I mean, my expectations for my child is as I grow up, I mean, as I grow up, as I'm getting older, I would like, and if I'm not in my sound mind, I would like her to make good and wise decisions if I don't have something in place. Like, there's a lot of curveballs and things happen, and I would like I do my best by my husband and I planning things beforehand as best as we can, but things happen. And that's where we do our best to speak to family members that if anything were to happen that they would take care of her as if they were her parents, and vice versa. Like I would step in and take care of my siblings' children, yeah, we're good. But I'm just saying there's so many, or maybe you have a best friend, or maybe you have like a a cousin, I don't know, or someone who you fully trust, but to help you make and plan those as best as you can. So I my husband and I we did talk about this, about you know, finance, and it's a lot of hard decisions. Because maybe because we're in our late 40s and she's only eight, and what would it look like if we both needed medical con medical financial help for whatever reason and we couldn't afford a job? I mean, we couldn't have a job anymore, or what wouldn't if one of us lost a job and we still we still have a child who's only eight. I mean, we don't expect her to pay bills and we wouldn't expect her at 20 to pay for our financial situation because we are the ones that got ourselves there and not her. So I guess I really had to look at it from a different perspective. And I was thinking, I don't know, maybe because I thought, you know, she owes me. I don't know, which is not a good thing, because if she was here right now, she'd be like, I did not pay for that house. You're the one that decided to get that house, you're the one that decided to get the car, you're the one that decided to get those clothes and eat out. You're an adult, and I'll be like, You're right, daddy and I did decide because we chose what we did with our money, we didn't invest it. So there were so many questions, so many conversations I had with myself and my husband, and then I looked at, you know, just thinking from she's only a child and being a good just learning how to I don't know, it is tough. So I hope that you just listening to me, you're probably thinking, I am way ahead of you in this area. Meaning you have like already had these conversations, or you've thought about it, or maybe like your mom, like who said who said this, if you're gonna do one and done, have a contingency plan for how you deal with life, unpredictable curveball curveballs. I mean, maybe you're that mom, or maybe you're the mom like me, who are thinking, no, uh my child owes me and she's gonna pay for my life because I'm the one that brought her up, and then maybe you mean like now, like realize like, you know what? Actually, I've changed my mind. I'm the one for me that got myself in this financial situation, so therefore, I should be responsible for taking care of it. My name's Fau, and this is the Family of One Child podcast. I want to thank you so, so much for listening. You all are amazing. I'll see you in the next episode. Thanks for listening. Bye.