Are Only Children Really Spoiled?

In this episode of The Family of One Child, I take a real look at a question some parents of only children hear: “Are only children spoiled?” I break down the myth using comments from moms raising an only child, along with my own experiences raising my 8‑year‑old daughter.
I talk about how my husband and I are learning to set healthy boundaries and how we’re teaching our daughter responsibility and independence through everyday routines in our home. I also share the joys of raising one child and the unique closeness it brings to our family.
If you’re a one‑and‑done parent or raising an only child, this episode will help you feel supported, encouraged, and confident in the family you’re building

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Hey amazing only child mums, I'm Paul Comment, your part-time working mom friend who loves Yahweh, family, and fun. Welcome to the Family of One where we share joys and adventures of raising an only child. Expect relatable stories, parenting laughs, and faithful tips. Let's make small family life enjoyable. Woo! Hi, and welcome back to the family of one. I am so glad you're here. Today I'm talking about a big question some people love to throw at families with an only child. For example, our only child spoiled. Ha ha ha ha. This is this has been around forever, and sometimes I hear about it from my child, and sometimes from other families. So today I'm breaking it down with some research, some real stories, and real voices from people in our community, many moms of an only child. So if you're raising one child thinking about being a one and done, or you just want to understand a little bit about this better, this episode is for you. Oh my goodness. So let's get down to it. Breaking the spoiled only child myth. Okay, here it goes. Well, the idea of the only child syndrome is not real. You heard it. There's a study from Tony Fable. Oh my goodness, I apologize if I did not say your name right. This is research who studied hundreds of families that show only child children are not more spoiled. I like that. That are not more spoiled or selfish or difficult than kids with siblings. Before we move on, I want to give a quick shout out to the listeners who listened to the last episode. And that listener is from Sing Apoa. Thank you very much, listener to Singapore. I see you. I appreciate you. And here's a quick reminder: if you listen to the last episode, I'll give you a shout out before the next recording. So if I miss you, it's only because I recorded the next episode before you listen. But if you keep listening to the next one, I'll catch you the following one. Okay, so the next topic is so if only children are naturally spoiled, how do we actually raise them to be responsible and grounded? Here's some more moms comment from moms. One mom said, My daughter does chores like laundry and pet care. She shares well because we build her village through cousins and clubs. Aww, that's so cool. Another mom said, We don't evolve our whole world around our child. I am so learning that. She's not the center of our unif of our universe. Oh my goodness, that is so awesome. Another mom said we teach appreciation by connecting extras to effort and good behavior. Now look, when I share my experiences, I want to tell you she's only eight. That means I am still learning. I am such in the beginning stage. If you're a mom with an only child and your child is older than eight, well, you have more experience than me. So you can just either like, oh, Ruth for you know, Ruth will she will get there eventually. But if your child is young or the same age, like I tell you, I you maybe you can like crack up because we are still youngins and we're still learning. So I want to let you know when I share my experience, always well, one, it's up to you if you actually want to uh take, and I'm not giving you my advice, I'm just sharing you my own story of how I'm learning and growing, being an only mom, you know, being a mom with an only child, and what my husband and I were experiencing, but she's only eight years old, so I can only talk about that age and down. Anything else, I would have to definitely bring in someone who has a child who is nine and up years old. So I just want to say when we started teaching Olivia about responsibility, once again she was a toddler, and she was a little kid, and I made sure and I helped her to put to show her where her toys um you know where to put them away. So I had like places, baskets, some buckets, little bins that she could reach after she she played them. So and I will teach you where to put them, and so she knew after she played certain toys, you need to put them away. And look, today some days are still better than others, but she's still learning. Some days are better when you look in her room, and then some days are like, Oh, this is a good day. And I mean, she could say that about me. She can walk in my room or the kitchen. She goes, Some days are better. Mommy has got the house clean, and some days are good. Well, as she grew up, her dad and I started to add on more age-appropriate chores. You know, we're putting her, we're giving her dirty dishes, telling her to put her dirty clothes in the laundry basket, we're helping, showing her helping her wipe the table, you know, also carrying her dishes to the sink after you finish eating at the table. Because, hello, thank you very much. You know, we wanted her to understand that in our family everyone helps out. It's not because she's an only child, but but because she's part of our family, and that's what our family does. Now that she's eight, you know, she's asked us about earning some spending money, and we were so happy because that meant and showed us that she wanted to be more responsible and she was becoming more independent, so we created extra chores she could do and earn a little cash. But you know what, there was a toy that she really wanted, and she had saved six months for this toy. And at one point she asked, Why can't you and dad just buy it for me? Now we could, but I told her, Because you already have a way to earn it yourself. Hallow. You already have a way to earn it yourself, and this teaches her patience and it builds character, you know. And there were tears some months, and there were real tears, and when she thought she couldn't make it and she wouldn't make it for her Christmas because she really wanted this toy. It was a hobby horse, she really wanted it, and she didn't know if she was gonna meet the deadline, but she kept going and she did it, and so we're so proud of her. Now, as I'm recording this, you know, for Christmas, it's like three more days. She's gonna open up that hobby horse toy, and I tell people, you know what, she bought a toy, um, this hobby horse, it cost her it was six months of her sweating, vacuuming, and doing other chores, and you know, oh my goodness, and she was like, Mom, but she did it, and I was so proud of her. So I think as she is continuing to save more other toys, I really feel she'll take more responsible, she'll take more care because I tell her other things like hey, you know, I try to teach her people buy you things like your grandparents for your birthday or you get gifts, it costs time to purchase this, they exchange this for time, and so you know, keep your resources, treat it well so you it'll last longer. You know, I really like this because she worked for something she wanted, she saved, she waited, and she learned responsibility. It wasn't because she didn't have a sibling, it's because her father and I we were part of that learning, discovering, teaching her, hey, you can do it. Delay gratification, you're gonna be okay. And the last topic about this the joy of raising one child. Okay, sometimes people will say silly things and they will focus on what only child children don't have, like they'll say, Oh, you know, they don't have a lot of friends, they must be lonely. I mean, or social interaction. I'm like, Baham Bagiou. That is not the case, but you know, in our home, we see so much of what we do have, you know. In our home, we have time, we have connection, and also we really enjoy being around each other most days because they are days where I feel like I just want to have a nap, you know. Okay, so enough away from me. I will share what some mums from Only Child Moms say. Okay, so these mums, I am one mom said, I spoil my daughter with love and attention. That's not spoiled, that's well loved. Oh my goodness, I love that saying, well loved. I tell people my child is well loved, I am well loved, and her father is well loved. So she, I mean, I say she is well loved by her grandparents, and I know you know, some siblings. I mean, I'm just gonna say that she is well loved, so I can agree with this, mom. Number one, another mum said, with one child, we can afford to travel and activities without stretching ourselves thin. That is awesome. And another mom said, When people ask, Are you giving them a sibling? I say, I stop at perfection. That is what my husband he definitely tells them. I remember as soon as I found out I was pregnant or when Olivia was born during that time, people say, Oh, is she having another one? And my husband would say, Why would I continue on? I stop because I stop at the perfect child. Oh my god, people say the silliest things. I'm sure I've said silly things too. Okay, so one of the biggest joys of raising one child is simply spending time together, and you know what? We're all learning to love each other as a family, and I mean we're all learning some days are better better, and some days are good, and we get to grow together in our own rhythm. Yeah, learning our rhythm, some rhythm, and what I what do you say? You're probably saying, What do you mean by rhythm? Depends on the season. Like, sometimes we're just going gung-ho, and like we have so many activities on, so many things. Like, I'm working part-time, and then we have projects at the barn, and then she's got her own activities, it's a lot, but what do you do? You just find the owner rhythm, and she's only eight. And yes, some days we have plenty of energy to keep up with her, and other days, you know, if you heard me and you've listened to a lot of my podcasts, you know I'm gonna say I need long naps before I can jump back in. And jumping, is that even a thing for me? Probably more jumping in my bed, but her dad can ride bikes with her for miles, and I mean their bike rides. I mean, I I just like you guys go and just let me know what's going on. But hey, when it comes to shopping, mama does well, her and I I can go for miles of shopping. But you know, her father and I, we have our own strengths, and she gets to enjoy them. So she is like, if she was on on the other side, like right now she's having she's gone to sleep, I would say, you're welcome. You know, these little moments, the bike rides, the shopping days, the laughter, the slow mornings, even the challenges that all part for us of joy of raising our only child, and you know, we get to pour into her in ways that fit who we are as a family, and she gets the best of us in different ways. I always tell her that she is a hundred percent of all the best parts of all the best and wonderful things about her father, and she's a hundred percent of all the wonderful things about me, which totally equals. I mean, you wouldn't think it's 200, but I say she's a hundred percent well, maybe that doesn't even add up, but I'm saying that because she has so much goodness and she takes after her dad all the hundred percent of all the awesome things about him, and all the hundred percent awesome things about me, which means that she too is going to be a hundred and a million times awesome, and because we are encouraging her to be the best that she is going to be for her, and having an only child, we are you know so thankful that we get to learn and grow together with her. That is our heart. I mean, she's only eight, like I said, but for me as a mum with an only child and learning, I mean, all the discussions I have with my siblings who I do have a sister and a brother who has an only child, and their child is I think one of them is at least late 20s, or maybe they're 30s, I think they're in their 30s. Oh my goodness, what kind of auntie forgets the age? So they're in their one's 20, late 20s, one's late 20s, and the other one I think is early 30s. So I one, I'm thankful that I get to ask them about parenting skills because they both have an only child, but two, also, I just want to encourage you that you are doing the best you can with the resources you have with the time that's given, and so I wanted to encourage you and I want to talk about this. When I talked about this topic in the beginning, about you know, people say, Oh, only child are spoiled. Hello, studies show no, they're not all comes down to parenting, and I can tell you the things that I shared, especially about me learning how to put boundaries and to stick with them, and then also, you know, my husband and I being on the same team. Look, like I said, it is we're doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources you have, meaning the people around you. So if you're listening to this podcast and you're like, Man, I need a I hope and my heart is an encouragement is to find a friend, find a family member, someone who encourages you to be the best you, to really encourage you not to put you down, because my experience, I'm when I am not doing well, and I'm pretty much messing up as a parent. Like, for example, when I wasn't putting boundaries or keeping with it, especially when she was a toddler and she was eating, only her up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down. Oh my goodness, you know, the cool thing, so kind of my siblings, is they weren't coming across as putting me down, they were just loving me and giving me grace when they were giving me advice. So I hope that you find a good friend when you're coming to them, they're not putting you down during that moment or any moment, they're encouraging you and gently, gently helping you by seeing what they can help with, and just seeing and helping you process of just things that maybe you can see different things, like there's a different way of doing things, but an encouraging way that just fills your heart and know that you're okay, that you are a great mom, that you are doing the best you can, that you are a wonderful wife, and that's my heart for you. Every time you listen to this podcast, I want to let you know, you know, there's so many mums and families out there that if they were here, they were like, If I had my sister, I had my brother, and I had some other friends who had an only child. They would say to you, as they say to me, you are doing well, it's gonna be okay. You're a great mom, you're you're the best mom. And I'd say I say this to my daughter like, hey, I'm the best mom for you. I'm the best mama, I'm doing the best I can, and I love you, and I'm gonna make mistakes. So remember, be kind to yourself. You are amazing, and remember, if you can do something nice for you, whatever that looks like, mine is to go to bed. Yeah, I could just see it now. I love going to sleep, having a nice long, cozy nap if I can, and then quickly waking up because I realize I gotta do the dishes and make breakfast and probably have a cup of tea in the laundry, but we're not here to add on the things that I've gotta do. Okay, well, once again, this is for or Ruth. See, I have two names, like why do you have two names? I tell you what, I tell you, that's another story of together. But I'm your friend, so if you're listening to this, we are friends, or we can be acquaintances, and I'll see you around for the next time. But if you listen to me more than twice, I'm saying we're friends now, okay? So please reach out to me. I would love to hear from you. The other mums that you hear that I read online, I love just looking up different comments from different platforms, moms with an only child. So if you want to share your thoughts about this topic. The kid's only child being spoiled is a bar um bug topic, you know, and it's not true. Hello, yeah. Give me a comment so I can read it. Reach out to me in my email. You can text me through this Buzz Sprout. Buzz Sprout. Oh my goodness. So I would love to connect with you. Or even better, if you just want to come on this podcast, can set it up. We can share some stories, share some experiences. Let me know. I would love to hear from you. Or even a thumbs up. Thank you very much for following, listening, liking this podcast, The Family of One Child. Okay, and Merry Christmas and have a happy new year. Two days from now. It's gonna be Christmas. Take care. Bye.