Raising an Only Child: How We Build Their Village Without Siblings

In this episode of The Family of One, we’re talking about something every “one and done” parent eventually bumps into: how do you build a community for your only child when some people assume siblings automatically fill that role?
We get into the honest stuff, the awkward park moments, the “mommy‑friend trap,” the pressure to have another baby, and the big myth that siblings guarantee lifelong friendship. Spoiler: they don’t.
Inside this episode, we chat about:
• what “Wing Mama Mode” looks like in real life
• why only children sometimes get left out at parks
• how to help your child find their people
• the difference between our friends and their friends
• why the “sibling guarantee” isn’t always correct
• choosing peace, presence, and depth as a one‑child family
I also give a shout‑out to listeners from Elkhart, Albion, Simsbury, Indianapolis, and Auckland, thank you for being here and being part of this little global circle.
If you’re raising an only child and building your village with intention, this episode will feel like a deep breath. You’re not behind. You’re not missing anything. You’re creating something beautiful on purpose.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hi friends and welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm for Comment, and this is our space where we're learning, growing, and laughing together as we raise an only child. Each week we talk about the real moments and the joyful ones and the messy ones and the ones that shape who our kids are becoming. If you're looking for encouragement in a community that gets it, you're in the right place. Let's get started. Woo! Hi, friends, and welcome back to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm here and I'm so glad you're here too with me today. We're talking about something that may hit home for you, might it bring memories back, or you're just going through this about being one and done parents. You know, we're building a community for our children. When the world may sometimes assume when you have siblings, it means it automatically does the job. Like when you have dishes and you have a dishwasher, and you automatically someone's gonna put the dishes in the dishwasher and bah ham bug, sometimes it doesn't happen. What has that got to do with this topic today? Well, I want to talk about you know how it goes the minute you have your child and you're done having kids, the bingo happens, and you're like, Whoop bingo! Well, it starts rolling in like when is the next one? Maybe people ask you straight away, when is the next one? You just can't have one, your child will be lonely. Like they are rolling in with these comments, and you want to say, Oh my word, back up. Hello, just calm your horses or calm your britches. Yeah, apparently. But did people ask me that? I honestly maybe because I'm going through pre-menopause, I can't really remember if, and even if they did, I might have blocked it out, or probably I would have said, I don't know, probably, maybe not, maybe no, no, thank you. And my husband, he always said, you know what? Why when he said about perfection, he was like, We already perfected our family, and pretty much it's none of your business. I don't know if we said none of your business. Maybe we gave that vibe like we're happy, we're completed, let's move on. Thank you, Jesus. But for some parents, these comments are you know, they're not just annoying, they are a pain in the buttocks, and for some it can hurt, like some other mums. And one mom said those questions felt like a stab to the heart. Oh my goodness, and it was a constant reminder of heartbreak, you know, people, and honestly, they can be so annoying. Like if I had a friend, and I probably did have, I don't know, and she said, you know, I don't want people asking me, and I think it probably could be the opposite. Like, my one of my siblings have, you know, quite a few children, and then they'll say, When are you going to stop? Like, hello is either when are you gonna have more or when are you gonna stop? And I'm sure in my life that I've either said one or both at one time in my life. I mean, hello, do I need help? I probably don't. So I can't really be saying these are about people because I'm sure someone in this world would have said, remember you said that to me. I'm like, oh my goodness, I apologize. So let me know. Some people are just gonna say silly things no matter what, and maybe you've said it, or maybe you have friends who say it, and they you know they have well intentions, or your parents or some grandparents, they just you know they love you, and you know sometimes people say it, but it's coming from a place of you know, it's okay that you don't want your child to be lonely, or it's okay, you have too many children. I don't know, but you know, the weird thing is around about having one child, and I wouldn't say weird, it's like there's an unspoken role that there's this thing that you have to have a sibling, but you know what? Having a sibling doesn't always guarantee that your child is they're gonna be best friends, like just because you have multiple children doesn't mean they're all gonna get along. I mean, I like to think that my siblings, if they're listening to them to this episode, that I am their best friend, but depending on who you ask, they'll be like, Yeah, today you but tomorrow you're annoying. So I don't know, and I'm sure there's some families who have siblings, multiple children, and they only see each other Christmas, Thanksgiving, or whatever, or maybe they're siblings and they don't talk to each other. So just because you have someone says, Oh, you have an only child, and they if they have a sibling, they're never gonna be lonely. I'd be like, excuse me, that is such a myth, and that doesn't always happen. So I would really tell that person, what would I say? I mean, have I had that situation where someone has said that to me? I probably have, and if they have said it, I probably see something like whatever, in my mind, or if someone has said that to me now, she's gonna be lonely. I'm thinking, yeah, I don't think so. The way my child's uh you know, her community, and she is well loved, she is well, she has loving family, grandparents, cousins, friends, she's okay. And at the end of the day, as she grows up, she needs to be responsible of building and rebuilding her community. I mean, each person as they grow, as they get older, you have to be the one to build it. If you want to be a friend, first be a friend to yourself and then be a friend to others because it helps. If you're listening to this, be a friend to yourself. So I just want to let you know that. Okay, so before I go on any further, I just want to also say when my daughter was a toddler, I remember the days, you know, they were basically when we would go into the library, you know, the park, the library, the zoo, then back to the park, then the park, you know, you get my drift. There were only certain activities, and I was thinking, oh my goodness. I I mean, I love those moments going to the park, the zoo, the zoo, the park, library, library, park, zoo, zoo. But going to these zoos, I I swear that I totally put more money into the community of the zoo, like I funded like a safari truck or a safari, or like I actually bought a giraffe with first class. I mean, with the amount of money that we went to the lot the the zoo, and then we went to the petting zoo and our local areas so much the people knew us. I mean, that's how much. And there were other people, other families, other mums who did the same thing. So they were there so much. If an animal, if they needed help, you was I I think there's one time this lady she was helping, feeding one of the animals, and she was being hands-on, and I think a monkey escaped or something. One of the animals got out. It wasn't like an exotic animal. I'm not saying it was a monkey, but an animal got out and she was able to get it back. And I was like, Oh, do you work here? And she was like, No, I'm one of the regular visitors that come here so often, I just know how to get them back in the cage. And I was like, Oh my word, you and me both, I come here so often, I just walk in and then they're like, Yeah, it's okay, pay me later, or something like that. I mean, it got ridiculous, and I just that's why, and I loved it, but I wanted something more. I felt like, oh my gosh, she's two, so by time for us to keep doing this till she's five, I needed more to learn to explore and discover new things in our community, and I wanted her to do the same with me, and doing that, I wanted her to meet new friends because these activities we were mostly doing ourselves. Yes, we were going to the library, but then you know, you get into the groups, and depending on the activity, you're just there and leaving, or you start, you know, if you have the personality, I'm an extrovert, so I'm like, hi, how are you? Good to see you, and then some of the mums, because depending on the time with multiples or whatever their schedule was with their only child, they had naps, they had snack time, they had other appointments, so you would just go in and leave and go in, and you know, but you wanted to do more. I wanted to do more and do things, so then I created a group for her and I, and then so I build this other group called Little Local Adventures, you know, where we both her and I could build friendships, and she had would have children her age where she would get to know and learn and grow with me because I wanted her to learn it with me, and then I will get to know mums and families as well. But you know, sometimes I noticed like when we would go to the park too. This mum puts it in a really cool way. She said, sometimes that only kids may get left out. For example, she says, only children, she said, children with a sibling or multiple siblings sometimes don't want to play with the other only child at the park because the family they just want to play with each other, they do the siblings just want to play, and so I remember, I mean, I don't remember exactly, but I know there has been some situations where you know Olivia would have walked up to a sibling group, and you know, maybe they didn't play with her or they didn't include her. And I maybe there'll be other times where the group was already like they already had a history together, maybe they're in the same gymnastic group, and then that group went to the park, and then her and I like, oh, there's a group of girls playing, and they're similar to her age, and I don't really know the mums, so she would walk up, we will walk up together, and we'll be like, Do you want to is it okay if they play with you know? She's like, Can I play with you? I I think I remember that. And the girls were like, Yeah, okay. So when it came to playing tag, for example, oh my goodness. I remember those times, most times either she will be the one that has to chase everyone around, or no one would chase her. And so I remember those moments. So sometimes she had to learn, like, oh, I wish I had a sibling or wish I had my friends, because sometimes, you know, in those moments she was left out or they ignored her, and then mama, the mama in me, like, mama, wing mold, wing. I'm gonna now build that around you where you will have your friends around, and there's gonna be moments where sorry, it just happens, you know, not everyone's gonna always play with you, and those are horrible, but even adults. I mean, hello. I remember when she we were at the Pika game, and we were going and we were by the swings or somewhere, and there was a mom, she was on her phone, and she was just doing her thing, probably watching a movie, I don't know, maybe YouTube or something. And her daughter was playing, and then my daughter wanted to play with her daughter, so they were playing together really nice, and I wanted to talk to someone. Can you believe that? Yes, I want to talk to someone, so I'm trying to I'm introducing myself to the mom, and she's like, she's very polite, but her language is like, I don't want to talk, and I'm like, Okay, I'll say my name louder, and I'm gonna follow you. So she moves a little bit away from me to indicate, okay, I really just want to be by myself, and I took it to be like, Oh, she wants me to be with her now. How embarrassing is that? So, what do I do? What does your friend four do? For that, I get closer to her so to let her know, oh, we can be friends, why can't we be friends? Yeah, she was like, No, no, thank you. So she starts moving, moving away from me, and I'm like, okay, I think because I followed her so close, where she is not looking at she's shoulders away, and I'm like talking to the back of her here, and she's not turning around, but she still can see her daughter, you know. She does still mind that her daughter, my daughter playing. I realize, yeah, I think she's saying, please move. So even I have been ignored. Can you believe that? And I'm okay with that now. It's okay. So I told my daughter, some days are better, some days are not. You gotta, you gotta be okay with it. Oh my goodness, the things I do, I tell you, the things this person does to understand, move it along. So even one mom said that she was super introverted, but she faced her fears and she actively pursued making some mom friends because she didn't want to sabotage her introverted kid. So she was like, I gotta do it, I gotta get out and face my fears. Yeah, because like I said, if you want to be a friend, you gotta like be a friend to yourself and then go and get a friend. See that yeah, you got to. I this is the only way. So she literally took him out every day, her child, and talked to everyone until he had a little community on her his own. So that's what you gotta do, you gotta talk to friends, moms, you gotta be out there, introduce yourself. It is scary, and remember, it's not always gonna happen. I mean, hello me, and that lady, she was like, talk to my hand, but she turned around and really like talk to my head, and I'm like, Okie dokie, because obviously I didn't get it the first time, did I? Nope. Okay, so I felt like that mom too. I felt like I wanted to be the wing mama, and I am good being a wing mama, I am so I wanted to help just like that mom who helped build the community around her son and helping him and introducing, you know, I wanted to do that for my child and build friendships, but I didn't want to force it because look, if you start forcing friendships, it does not open doors, you just end up speaking to the hand, or someone's here at the back. So that's a tip. Don't force it, just build it, relax, have fun, learn, and grow. There you go. Okay, before we jump into the next part, I just want to say a quick hello to my amazing listeners, Mons. You who are tuning in to the last episode, I say a hello, and it's always good to see where you are listening from. It makes a great difference. Not great, oh my goodness, a great difference. So, thank you for supporting. So, I want to say a shout out to my listener in Alcat, Indiana, Albion, Indiana, Sinsbury, Connecticut, woohoo, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Auckland, New Zealand. You all are amazing, and I want to thank you each each time you listen to this podcast, it really encourages me, and I just want to honor your time. So, thank you very much. And then also remember my book, The Period is out. Now, I'm excited about letting you know about this book, it's actually available, so I will send you a link. This book is a gentle conversation starter. So if you have a child who's between 8 and 12 years old, and you are a mom that needs a support, of how do you talk about the topic of a period? How do you go about it? Like, or maybe you're the mom that said, I'm fine, I don't need the help. But if you're the mom says, you know, I just need something to start the conversation. I have created it's a really simple read, it's about a two-minute read, it has simple illustrations, and also it has like a journal, a little journal in the middle, and then it also has the a coloring section where you can color your child can color in the back as well. So, yes, you can get it, you can go on Amazon. There's the link for you to purchase the book, and remember, or another cool thing is here I am giving away nine copies. So nine copies. How you, if you want a copy, email me or text me and say the period book for me, the period book for me, text me and tell me why you like why do you like listening to the podcast? Give me something, a feedback, a positive feedback, and then I will send this book to you. I will reach out to you, and you will get a free copy and it will be shipped out to you too. So let me know. First nine, so first nine listeners. So, okay, what else? If I didn't mention your city, it's because I recorded before I recorded the podcast before you listen. But don't worry, the next time you listen to the last episode, I will get you. Okay, so let's get going. So, okay, here's another one I want to share about. What about the mommy friend trap? You're like, what mommy friend trap? You know, when you try to force your kid to be friends with your friend because they have a a child, and it's like, okay, well, my friend has a friend, I mean, has my friend has a child, and you guys will get on well, but they don't. I mean, it just doesn't work, and so I remember. There are quite a few. There are some situations where my mom friends they had children, some were multiple, some were only one, but it just didn't work out. Like she is not having a good time. Now, yeah, some could say, Well, she doesn't always have to have a good time. No, but eventually, I'm like, okay, she's asking, when are we gonna how long we're gonna be there? When are we gonna leave? And even the kids, my friend's kids, she's like, they're not even playing, you know, it's just not working out. So then I realize, okay, I I need to be okay that there's gonna be friends that are not gonna be her friends, and she's gonna have her own friend. And I had to be, I truly had to be okay, okay, that sometimes mums just don't click. Like there are sometimes situations where she had a friend, and then her mom, she was like, Oh mom, she has a friend, and maybe you can get together and talk, and so she's trying to set me up with the mom so she can meet with her friend often, and we tried that. I mean, I tried that, but it just did not gel between the mom and I. Now we were polite, but the more we talked and stayed in the same room, it was like cucka, cucka. Or I mean it was nice, but it just didn't click. And I was thinking, like, man, I could be at home doing the like literally doing the dishes, and I'm thinking, man, if I want to go home and do the dishes, this has got to be something, you know what I mean? Or maybe it's like I could be doing something else, I could be going doing the shopping. I really don't want to be here talking to another mom, and I'm sure the other mom's thinking, when is she gonna leave so I can just go about my time and our kids can just play? So sometimes, you know, in that situation where your child is trying to sit you up with the other mom, it's okay to let that that go and just be like, it's okay, it's your friend. The mom said that you can I can just drop you off here and you can play at the house, or you can be together, the mom will look after you, or maybe the friend comes over here. Because I remember I was like, okay, I will just cancel the play day, I will pay, I will cancel the the hangout. I was like, no, we're not going. And I started making excuses. It's only because I didn't know how to tell my child, I don't want to, I don't want to see the parent, I don't want to see the mom. I just like, oh my goodness. Where I could have just said, can I just drop you off at her house or your friend can come over here, and that's okay. I don't know, you gotta find the vibe that works for you, right? And so one mom said, Seek out her friends independently, like joining club bases on her interests, not on mine, which is good, yeah. So I love it that her the mom here is saying pretty much she is looking for friends around her daughter's interests, because friends on my interests are totally different from Olivia's. Like my daughter, she loves like horses and she loves animals, and she likes to go to Sephora. And I'm like, okay, so I guess if I was to find moms like that, I mean I wouldn't mind, but I'm like, oh, I don't know. I guess what kind of mom friends I want. I don't know, probably like, do they even want to be my friend? I'm a good friend, I think I'm an amazing friend, but do I have things to work on? You betcha. So that means stepping into new spaces, like maybe your child loves dance classes, arts, clubs, sports, library, meeters, whatever your child likes, I mean, that's where you gotta go and work at it. I know it, and it means more working at it, more planning, and more emotional energy. But you know what? When you find your kids' community and you help build it and rebuild it and build it and rebuild it because you've done it yourself. I had to do it myself over the many years. I had to learn to extend and build my community because you know, I go through different stages in life, go for new careers and new locations, and me just moving from one country to another. You know, I had to learn to build and rebuild, build and rebuild, and this taught my daughter, and it's teaching her as she's seen me do it for myself and now for her in the different stages, it helps her to learn how to do it herself. Okay, so before I leave, I just want to encourage you that you are doing the best you can with the time that's given with the resources you have. You know, you are raising your child the best for you. I mean, you are the best mom for your child, and you're the best wife for your husband, and you so amazing. So I hope you're telling this to yourself as you are building, as you are building friendships, you're building, and you're having to rebuild your community. I want to continue to encourage you that it's gonna be okay. Some days are good and some days are better, but I just want to let you know that as you and maybe sometimes you're gonna hear like a silly comment when someone says, Oh, what a done, hello, she's gonna be lonely, and I don't know what you do with that. You can either let that person know and say, mind your own business, or just say, Oh, whatever, whatever comes to you, but just letting you know, you are amazing, you truly are, and so I just want to say to you all wing mamas out there, keep going, keep building, keep building your village, isn't it? I mean, that's what it is, it's all about you are going, I mean, you're creating, you're creating your community, and that's what I love it. I mean, for me, creating and recreating my community changes because my interest changes. It it just means that some of my friendships, like from when I was in elementary or primary, I have they have grown with me right up to now, and I'm going to be 50. And some of them friendships, it changes because people move, people have families, we all have different schedules. So each for me community looks different. And now with my daughter, the little local adventures, that group, some of them, you know, they have we're now, some of them were homeschooled, and they all have different schedules, and you know, some of them have moved as well. But when I see them, I say hello, but we don't see them as often because our interest has changed, and she has moved into a school, and she has a different schedule. But when we see each other, we say hello, and some of them we still get to know and we see once in a while. So it's okay when you start, but you just I want to encourage you, sometimes it's gonna be there for a season, as long as you know what you're building your community for, and you contribute to it, the community. And when I mean contribute to, you're being a wonderful friend as well, you're giving back what gives to you, and you truly are like because you're listening. You I just want to know you are an amazing friend, and you are doing so much to help raise your child to be the best they can with the resources you have with the time that is available. So please be gentle on yourself, moms. So I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast, The Family of One Child, and for getting this book and for subscribing and liking this podcast. Okay, get yourself a copy of the period. It's gonna be there's gonna be a link on Amazon. Get it today. Bye.