When Play Changes: Midlife Motherhood With An Only Child

We face the honest sting of “You’re always tired” and unpack what it means to parent an only child while entering midlife. We trade guilt for grace and share how play can shift without losing love or connection.

• turning 50 as a lens on small moments
• the exhausting Saturday routine and the ask to play
• the heart-hit of “you don’t play like you used to”
• only child dynamics and the pressure to be “everything”
• stories from other moms and shared guilt
• reassurance that love stays as seasons change
• encouragement for moms to honor limits and find new rhythms

Transcript

Welcome And Turning 50

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Hi there and welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm Fore Comment, a wife, a part-time working mom, and a full-time believer in making the most of every joyful and sometimes busy moment of raising an only child. If you're ready for real stories, plenty of laughter and parenting tips, you're in the right place. So let's dive into this adventure together.

A Midlife Lens On Motherhood

The Saturday Routine And Exhaustion

The Ask To Play And The Hard No

“You’re Always Tired” Lands Hard

Are Only Children Extra Lonely

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Hi, and welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm for your friend, and yes, I am turning the big 5-0. Yep, I don't look it, do I? Crack myself up. Okay, so turning 50 in two months has made me pay attention to the things I used to rush past, like not in a dramatic way, because people who know me, they're like, you're so dramatic, and maybe that it might be my husband every now and then. If I want to sleep in on my daughter, his mommy's tired, but not in a midlife crisis or anything, because I already had that. Yes, can you believe it? I had that at 32 years old. I remember I was working full-time in a warehouse, and then one day I found out. Can you believe it? I truly found out that I was 32, and I started to cry, like ugly cry at 32. My boss thought I had received some terrible news because, of course, why am I crying like that? And when I told him, oh no, I just found out I was 32 years old, and the look on his face was priceless. He was probably thinking, Can this girl get any dramatic than this? And now that I've said it, now that I'm saying it out loud, it is so funny. Like, hello, but it's funny that my midlife crisis is it a midlife crisis? I mean at 32, so I'm okay. Getting back on track this season in life, it feels different. Like I'm not rushing past things the way I used to, I'm paying attention just in a little subtle way, and honest, the kind of way where small comments from your child suddenly becomes like a doorway to a deeper reflection, and that is exactly what happened to me recently. For example, my nine-year-old said something that stayed with me for days. Usually I'm like, oh goodness, but this time it made me think of the kind of mom I've been, like, and the kind of mother I am now, and the kind of mummy I'm becoming entering in this new season of midlife, like oh my goodness. So today I wanted to take you through some moments, the days that followed, and I'm laughing because this is what happened inside me. Because if you're a midlife mom, like you're in your between 40 and late 40s, going on 50, and if you're a mom with an only child, well, you most likely are because you're listening to this podcast, or you are a mom, mom that's just tired today. You've done your washing, you've done your drying of the clothes, you've done your what is it, cooking, cleaning, taking care of everyone, taking care of the animals and your family members, and you're like, oh my goodness, that was just like the first five things on my list. This episode is for you. Well, it was a Saturday evening, and we had spent the whole day doing our usual Saturday routine, taking our daughter to her writing lessons, which is by the way, one hour, one hour one way to the writing lesson. So one hour there, one hour back, and then a one hour here, here, there, there. Oh my goodness. So it's a lot. We leave in the morning and then we come back like late afternoon, and uh it's exhausted, it's tiring, right? By the time we got home, once again, I'm cooking dinner, I'm cleaning up, and you're wondering, is anyone else doing any cleaning? Okay, I'm sure they are in their minds, my husband and daughter, like the interpretation. I mean, she just wrote all she's had a hard lesson, and so I'm like, just get dressed, take your riding gears off and clean up, and then I'll cook something. And my husband, he's been driving here, there, here. So, in a way, everyone's tired and we just come home. So I I'm thinking, if we don't eat out, most homes now we're trying to save money, so we'll come home and cook. And then after when you go to the barn lesson, you know, writing lessons and doing all that. I just want to come home. I don't want to sit at a restaurant, I don't want to wait, and it's and it's kind of cold because it's winter. Well, it's actually actually when the near end, it should be spring very soon. I just want to come home, eat, go straight to bed, or put my feet up, watch a movie, something, and just breathe. So you know that moment where everyone, even the cats, because we have cats, we have cats inside, and we're feeding the neighbors cats outside are fed, and your body finally says, Okay, now I can relax, and that was me. So sitting in the kitchen, finally slowing down, and when she came in, she said, Mom, do you want to play with me? And you know, without thinking or even giving my brain to catch up, I said, I'm tired. But part of me hoped she would say, Okay, mommy, you can have a rest, right? Like it was absolutely like a I'm thinking, you know what, this is gonna happen, she's gonna say it. But she asked again, and I said again, this time, you know, I'm saying it with more heart, with more weight. I'm really, really, really tired. And then I start to explain, we've been out all day, I've cooked dinner, I'm tired, I just want to relax. And then sometimes when I really want to emphasize, I just want to relax, I try and put some tears in there. Can you believe it? I'm like putting my whole heart, I mean, I am trying to be like uh an award-winning actress. And if you're listening, you're like, you are nowhere near an Oscar nomination. I'm like, I am trying, I am so tired. And then she said this you're always tired, you don't play with me like you used to. My goodness. It was one of those sentences, right? That landed, it landed in my heart, and before my brain could even catch up to it, and she said it this time like a in her frustration, you know, that kind uh when the words come out, it's trying to remind you that something gives notice, and it was just her way of saying, I feel, I think it is who I said, I miss you, I miss how we used to play. And then after who's saying that, because usually she says to me all the time, like maybe once a week, no, okay, that will be dreaming. It's pretty much once or two times a day. And in the mom and only comment on the community, I hear other moms saying this because I was thinking, am I the only mom in the world with an only child? And now she's round about and she's nine, they only hear this. You don't play with me like you used to, you don't play. So I was like, I cannot be the only one where the child only child says this. So I was having a look around and I was reading other forums and I wanted to know, am I the only one? So I found some other feedback from other mums, and this is what they said. My eight-year-old literally said, literally said, You're always tired now, you never want to play anymore. It broke my heart because I remember I was her whole world for playtime. Oh my goodness. And my another mom said, My daughter, she's seven, she said, You're always tired to play now. I cried in the bathroom later. I hate that she notices. Oh my goodness. And my three-year-old literally says, Mommy, play with me. Oh my goodness, 50 times a day. Yes, play with me, play with me, mommy, play with me. And I'm so tired after work, I feel awful saying no. Oh my goodness, mom. This mom, I could also relate to, and it's hard for us when our kids notice we're tired. I mean, yes, it's hard when my daughter's asking me, can I play? Can you play with me? And I'm like, I'm tired, and even though it's hard, I'm like, but I my body, my soul, my my spirit, my spirit is encouraging, but my body is pretty much not wanting to move, and my soul, I think it just disappeared into the bead.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

I don't know, but all three are not aligned with wanting to play right now. The only one that is doing awesome is the spirit. The spirit is always positive.

Community Shoutouts And Gratitude

Sister’s Advice And Letting Go Of Guilt

From Playmate To Play Coach

Redefining Play And Finding Calm

Encouragement For Midlife Moms

Closing Thanks And Sign Off

SPEAKER_02 10:14

And I'm so sorry. I'm laughing now, but oh my goodness. So over the next few days, you know, after hearing her say this, because she says it quite often, but this it really stuck with me, and it kept reminding me in my mind, man, yeah, she does say I'm always tired. I don't play with her like I used to, and I started to wonder, what tone did I use when I said no? Other than I know I was being so dramatic, and maybe because I closed my eyes when I said it, and I I was holding on to my chest, and I just wanted her to like get the vibe, and then I was thinking, I oh my goodness, was I yelling at her this time? I grew up with four siblings, and I had a sister close to my age, we're three years apart, and I had cousins my age everywhere, like we had a lot of extended family, and I always had another child to play with, you know, to and to hang out. I always had another person or a child, but my daughter, you know, being an only child is different, it's just her, me, and her father. I mean, we don't even have grandparents living with us, so yeah, it's just the three of us. And most weekends throughout the week, you know, her dad and I are often, you know, we're kind of tired after working throughout the whole day, come home, and we don't want to drive and visit friends and family after dinner. We just want to come home, have dinner, any homework to be done, and if we're not at the barn, then we just want to relax as quick as possible. Oh my goodness. And then I started to wonder have I made her feel lonely without meaning to? You know, maybe I put too much pressure on myself to fill in every gap. And is she asking for more? Because she used to she's she was used to me being her constant play partner because I was that I mean, I was seriously 24-7, always the entertainer, and the mom in the only communities, and so many other mums with an only child have shared this. Like, for example, another mom said, as a mom of an only child, I feel this constant pressure to be her everything, her playmate, her friend, her entertainment. When I'm too tired to play, the guilt is crushing. Oh my goodness, that's so real. Another one said, having an only child means I'm her built-in play partner. 24-7. That's what I was saying. The mom guilt when I can't keep is crushing. Oh my goodness, I know I have felt that. Another mom said, I'm terrified. She'll look back and remember me as a tired mom who never played. I don't want her childhood to be defined by my exhaustion. Oh my goodness, I'm I'm probably wearing a t-shirt that says I'm exhausted. Why am I laughing? Because it's not funny. Another one says, The fear that because I'm her only playmate, when I'm too tired, she feels like she has no one. That one hits deep. You know, mothers with an only child often feel they may they must be the only child's friend at home. That is so true, you know, and this creates a lot of pressure, and sometimes it can make us worried that our kids are lonely if we don't play with them. Oh, and it is, it's like, oh goodness, we're the only child's friend at home, and we are playing with them, and we don't want them to be lonely. Okay, so hold on and just think about that for a little bit. Okay, so before I go on, I want to pause because we're getting a little deep, and I need to raise this up in a in a positive tone. So I want to give a shout out to the listeners who tuned in to the last episode. I absolutely love seeing you all where you're listening from, and it makes this little podcast feel like a global family. So I'm gonna give a big shout out to Springfield, Massachusetts. Polo Tower Hamlets, welcome, New Britain, Connecticut, hi Adelaide, South Australia, oh hello to you too, Goshen, Indiana, welcome, and Omar Fermiga. I hope I said it in the uh correct Omar Fermiga. Uh hello to thank you all for pressing play and for spending part of your day with me. I really appreciate it, and for you being part of this community. And if you didn't hear your location today, it's not that I didn't see you, it just means that you listened after I record this episode. But don't worry, I'll catch you in the next one. Okay, so let's get back to what was going on. So I remember a conversation I had with my sister, and she is one of my siblings that has an only child too, but she is way further ahead in experience and wisdom. So her daughter is late 20s, and my daughter is nine, so you can compare the difference. She has lived through what I'm going through right now, and I remember I was crying to her again, because of course I am crying, I'm tired, and I said to her, you know, she said that I don't play with her anymore. No, she she didn't say at this stage that I'm not playing with her, she's just saying, play with me, play with me, play with me, and I I want to say no. So I'm crying, and she said, Just because you you say no, doesn't mean that you don't love her. And then she reminded me, I you know, I've been her constant companion, you know, I've been her constant playmate, and I pulled myself into her because I didn't want her to feel alone, and I didn't realize how much pressure I was putting on myself. I mean, I was pro I was putting on so much press pressure under pressure on myself, and I was having a hard time saying no to a three-year-old. It was almost 10 years, and I've learned to say no. So I'm pretty good at saying no now without the guilt, but it's still a work in progress, and I laugh about it because like just last week I was on the phone to my daughter, and she wanted to go to the shop, and she's calling me, and I'm at work, and I've like said, Oh, the shop is closed. Knowing very well the shop's not closed, I just didn't I couldn't say no to her, and my co-worker she was listening to me, and we were both laughing because um and the because we're both laughing, and I said, You know what? Even though I'm turning 50, I'm better, I'm getting better and saying no to other things, but in some things it's still a work in progress, and she looked at me and she was like, There's no judgment, and I was like, Thank you. And talking to other moms and reading their comments about them going through the same struggle with me. One mom said, I had to learn that saying no to endless play doesn't make me a bad mom, it just makes me a human who's giving my child the best version of me, even if that version is tired and sometimes. Another mum said, think of yourself as their play coach, instead of their playmate, you can lay the foundation, but you don't have to be their main source of entertainment. Oh my goodness, I had to learn that a lot when she was a toddler, and then I'm like, this entertainment, like hello in this subscription because it's tired. I'm gonna cancel the season, please. I cracked myself out. Another mom said, My aspiration is to teach her that it's okay to rest, and love doesn't have to look like jumping around for hours. Come on, is it okay sometimes to say no? Yes, it is okay to sometimes say no. Telling our kids we need to rest helps them to learn that we are people too, we are the people, and it teaches them how to plan their own. And I am still learning that. One, I'm still learning and working on my nose. Some nose are getting better, some nose, like for example, say no, I can't take you to the shop. Instead of saying no to that, I just said the shop is closed because she's not old enough yet, and she doesn't have a phone to Google it. But if she looked me in the eye and I said the shop is closed, she would definitely know I would be lying. So because I spoke over the phone, I couldn't say no, you know. I just made it oh, the shop is closed. Now, how ridiculous is that? So that is telling you, I am a work in progress, and I am still working through this to give you hope. And then another thing, that's when I realized that play wasn't disappearing, our play was just shifting. So I'm learning that to say no to some things during playtime, like jumping up and down with hobby horses. I really had to find things that we can do together, like I don't mind if we paint each other's nails. She likes to braid my hair, I can braid her hair and colouring together. You know, sitting down in this sitting in the same room doing different things, that's what I like, and just finding quiet things, and I wonder because in this season of my life, I don't want to move as much. Now, you may be in your late 40s and 50, and you are absolutely more active than me, and I am saying that is amazing because yes, there are moments where I'm I'm really active, but most moments it's like I just my activities with her has shifted, and as I approach this new season, I want to say something to the mom listening right now. You are doing the best you can with the time that's given and the energy and resources you have. Your child is not unloved because you need rest, your child is not lonely because you say no to sometimes. You are enough, okay? You're a wonderful mom to your only child, you're a wonderful wife to your husband, you are amazing, and you are a blessing to the community. And there are other moms that I've heard in. This only child community that say we went to rough housing, chasing games to painting nails, braiding hair, coloring side by side. The play changed, my energy changed, but the connection is still there. It just looks different. Another mom said, I finally stopped check, I finally stopped trying to be the constant playmate. We do calm things and now she's thriving. I'm not failing her. It's just different seasons. That is so awesome. Maybe you relate to this one. Another mum said, I play changed, my energy changed, but my love never did. And that's why my daughter will remember. Oh my goodness, love. Our love always remains. So even if we don't have the energy to run around or do things like we did when they were toddlers, I mean, maybe you might, Mom. Maybe you're listening and you still have that same energy. You still stay doing the same activities or just more active when you're in your midlife, in your not midlife, in your late 40s, early 50s, it's okay. Everyone is different. And that's why I wanted to share this episode. Because I want to talk to the mums who may be more relatable, what I'm going through, and maybe you're going through it already, and you've gone past that, and you're like, there is hope you can find things for both to enjoy. And the reason why I wanted to share this and create this episode is to let you know you are not the only one going through this when your child says, I'm tired. No, you're not the only one when your child tells you, can you play and you're tired? And if they say you don't play with me anymore, and it feels such like a tug on your heart. Play changes for many reasons or how it looks. But you are a wonderful mom. You are doing the best you can with the time that's given with the resources you have. So I want to continue to encourage you. It's okay to take a rest, it's okay for them to find something else for them to do, and your love for them will never change. The play, how it looks, the activities will, but your love will always be consistent, it will always be there for them because you are doing the best you can, you're learning and growing with them. Thank you for listening. This is for your friend, and this is the podcast of the family of one child. Bye! I'll catch you in the next episode.