What If Homework Is Really About The Heart

Homework can show up at the worst possible time, right when everyone is tired and you can finally see bedtime. I’m Ruth, and I’m letting you into what homework really looks like in our only-child home: the after-school car check-in, the moments I’m trying not to yell, and the way one worksheet can flip the mood of an entire evening.

Our schedule has a wildcard, the barn. We drive 40 minutes to an hour each way so my nine-year-old can ride her pony Lola, and that commute changes everything. Sometimes I’m not browsing cute school folders, I’m in the car with a pillow and blanket trying to grab a nap. Add in showers, hay dust, dinner that might be a restaurant or might be McDonald’s, and you can see why homework feels like a tiny boss battle that appears out of nowhere. I also share why it often goes smoother with her dad in the car, and what happens on the rare nights homework gets “forgotten.”

Along the way, I read thoughts from other moms and reflect on what homework has taught me: how my daughter thinks, why teaching the “why” matters, and why knowing something doesn’t always mean you can teach it. We talk about taking breaks when emotions spike, finding each parent’s strengths, and building a teachable heart in our kids and in ourselves.

If you enjoyed this, subscribe, share it with a fellow parent, and leave a review so more moms can find the show. What time of day does homework actually work best in your family?

Transcript

Homework Dread And Daily Rhythm

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Welcome back to the family of one child. I'm Ruth and today we're talking about something every parent knows and sometimes dreads. Here it goes. Homework, boom, boom, boom. Not the cute kindergarten kind with coloring pages and glue sticks and maybe some glitter. But I'm talking about the other stuff. The worksheets, the reading books, the math problems, and the mom, dad. I've got to tell you, I have homework moments. And if you're a parent with a one child like me, homework can become its own little rhythm in our house. Like it's part connection, got some chaos in there with some emotional growth, and part why are we doing this now? Right before we're going to bed. Like seriously, why now? Mm-hmm. You know, I want to take you inside our home, into the car after school, and into our barn days, where you know, we have the moments where homework can show up early, late, and sometimes not at all. And in two ways, it's teaching not just my daughter, but you know who, me, your friend Ruth. And honestly, the barn is a huge part in that rhythm. And if so, if we're going to the barn where her pony is Lola, it's a beautiful Wallara, and a Wallara is half Welsh and half Arabian, and that's how you get a Wallara pony. So you like, so what does it what does that really mean? So a pony is kind of like a smaller size, and so it's a bigger version of a pony, so it's not tall like a horse, it's like a short horse. You know, you know, you're an equestrian, you're a true a Christian person because you're like, Did she just say that wrong? Comment and let me know. Like, this is a better way to explain what a Wallara pony is. So I just say it's a taller pony, okay? And for those who know horses, you're gonna help me out, moms. So if we go to the barn two to three times a week, it's a 40-minute to one hour drive each way. So by the time we get there, Olivia, you know, my nine-year-old, she's excited to be with her pony and her barn friends, and I'm usually setting into my own little routine this time. I'm like, here we go. Mm-hmm. But sometimes when we get to the barn, I'm sleeping in my car. I bring my pillow, I bring my blanket because let's be honest, after working all day at my job, and then the idea of driving all the way back home for 40 minutes to an hour, only to turn back after 20 minutes later to pick her out from the barn. My body, my soul's spirit, and body is saying absolutely not. Okay, once again, my spirit is very positive, but my soul and my body like you are got to be kidding me. Nope. So, I mean, could I go to a coffee shop instead? Technically, yes, I could go, but realistically, that's another 15 or 20 minutes, probably driving around, finding a coffee place, and then if I sit down with a coffee and cake, I will most likely eat another cake just to keep myself awake, or I will probably fall asleep at the coffee table. And do the people at the coffee restaurant or the place want to hear me snoring? It's not a good look when I'm tired. So I stay in the car while she's at the barn. Sometimes I take a nap, like I said, I have my pillow, sometimes I watch a movie on my phone, and then sometimes I scroll on social media like it's my other part-time job, because I'm really good at that. So it's my little pocket of rest of evening before we pick it up again, and then after her lesson, or what you know, after her writing lesson, or her just being at the barn, we drive all the way back home because our evening keeps moving, and then she has a shower, and then you know, because being at the barn, you got the hay, you got the dust, you got the horse smells, and then we have dinner. And depending on the night, if I stop to pick up McDonald's on the way home, because for me it's quicker after the barn, we just go straight through the drive-thru. I mean, her dad will offer when it's just her and him, he will give her options, they'll they'll have dinner before they go to the barn at the restaurant, they'll go to a restaurant, but me, I'm like, no, we are going to the barn and then we're coming home. Or we go to the barn, we go to a restaurant, drive through, and then we get home, and she can eat her chicken nuggets in the car, in the car, and that is fine. But when she goes, like I said, when she goes to the barn with her dad, she'll do her homework. If she has homework, she'll do her homework in the car with him, which is great because there's no problem, there's no forgetting of homework, there's no surprises at bedtime. It's just sometimes when she does forget, and it's not usually, it's only because one, she really did forget, or two, she's like, I didn't want to do it because I just wanted to watch a movie or do anything but homework, and I get that, but most times, and I'm meaning like a hundred probably 99%. That's a lot. I'm always asking her in the car every day, do you have homework as soon as I pick her up? I mean, that's the first thing is like, how was your day? Great, anything you want to share? Do you have homework? Because I know our evenings, right? I know they're gonna be full and we all get tired. And she'll say, Yeah, I either I do or I don't have homework. And then like if she like I said, if she does forget, it's because she's like, Oh, I just forgot, Mom, or you know what? I just didn't want to tell you because I wanted to to do I wanted to do something else, and then I'll be like, darling, we can't help you if you don't tell us. And when I tell her that, I'm really doing my best not to yell, but then she'll say, You're yelling. Uh-huh. So once again, I have to remind myself, do not yell, especially when I'm tired. But before I go e before I go on any further, I want to take a moment to say hello, maybe yell it out. Hello. Okay, I said yellow, not saying hi, to my amazing global listeners who tuned in to the last episode. I see you and I look forward to saying hi to you all. So I want to give a big shout out to the listener in Springfield, Massachusetts, and Cambridge, Cambridgeshire, Miami, Florida, and to our listener in Sweden. I see you, moms, and I'm so grateful you are here with me. I absolutely appreciate it. I'll say it again, Springfield, Massachusetts, Cambridge, Cambridgeshire, Miami, Florida, and to our listener in Sweden. I absolutely appreciate you all here. And if I didn't mention your city today, it's because I recorded this episode before you listen. And don't worry, I'll get you in the next episode. I love knowing where you're tuning in. So thank you to our global listeners. So let's get back to the homework. Okay, before I I dive any deeper, I just want to share some things that I came across from other moms in the community about homework. One mom said, I had a moment tonight as a mom. I realized I was rushing through my daughter's homework because I was busy working, treating it like another task to check off the list. I honestly can do this as well. I know I have. If her father for some reason on a rare occasion he's not able to do it, and I'll be like, Okay, just hurry up. Let's just do it. Well, maybe I haven't said hurry up, but I know that I have like in the beginning, I would just like do it like laundry, like tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. But I really haven't sat down to explain it. So, you know, there goes the mum thing. I'm I'm really trying my best. Another one said, with just one, the evenings feel balanced, like no one is demanding attention, so homework doesn't have to turn into chaos. This mum's amazing. Another mum said, we don't have to juggle multiple kids, schedules, or fights over who gets hurt first, it's just her, and we can just really focus. You know, it's uh it's great because these mums have found their rhythms. Another mum said that this another one is uh oh I want to share this. I used to help her, and I say used to because I would sometimes okay, I used to help her, and I say used to because I would purposely get answers wrong, so she would double check them. It was kind of like I thought, you know what? How about if I purposely get some things wrong, things that will really stand out to her. So when I do her homework, she would check it, she would also go over her work again, but now she's caught on and she says, Don't worry, dad can check it. And honestly, I find that kind of funny and hilarious because she's like, Mom, you're gonna get it wrong on purpose. So Halber, instead of pretending I'll just do it myself and get dad to check it. But there have been moments where I have really set I have felt and I but there have been moments where I have truly in my heart said I I'm not going to like purposely get it wrong, like I really want to help. And then when I look at the homework, I'm thinking, how did this work become hard for me, this third grade? So I'll be like, you know what, how about we let dad do it? And he's been really good academically, he's able to take third grade work and complex my homework because when I used to go in my college or university classes, and there were some classes I didn't understand, I could always go to him and he would be able to explain it in a way that was simple to me. That's so that's a cool thing about my husband. I love it. So on another mum shared that as a fifth grade got harder, my greatest hope was to give my daughter the skills to do it on her own. You know, that mum was amazing. I'm like agreeing with that as well. Another mum shed doing two to three hours of homework after getting home at 4 30 leaves little time for her just to be a kid. And I wondered homework here like in America, do other schools in other countries what are the what is their homework? Do they have a lot of homework and what's a lot? I guess it depends, right? It could be a few hours for other countries, it could be like five or six hours, who knows? But when this mum says it leaves little time for her to just to be a tire, it leaves a it leaves little time for her just to be a child. It really does. You know, homework for me has shown me how Olivia thinks, not just how she answers, but how she arrives there. You know, we try to teach her the why and not just the what. For example, we know that one plus one is two, but we also try and teach her in this way of thinking. If you have one horse and another horse is pulling a cart, they can pull more than two horses. So sometimes the answer is simple, but sometimes the answer has more context. So we want her to think, you know, we want her to reason, to understand different layers, not just formulas. So we encourage her to be a thinker, and homework just gives us a place and teachable moments how to go, how to think like that. So also homework has taught a lot about myself. You know, I've learned that academically when I do her homework, and also homework has taught me about myself. I learned that this area when it comes to homework, it's best if my husband teaches her, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay in other areas of teaching her, but this part he is really good, he understands her teaching style and he's able to teach it. Just because I know it doesn't mean I can teach it, so I'm really good in other areas like arts and crafts, for example. I would say cooking, but just in case my husband hears this episode, it's not gonna be cooking, that's her grandma. So let's be real with that. So there's certain things I'm more of arts and crafts and field trips and shopping. I can teach and heart, I can teach the heart conversations, and his academic reasoning, analytical, simple concepts from major complex, he's able to speak to that, but teach it in a way that you can absorb it, so he's really good with that, and you know, we teach when we all have moments where she's not learning, or maybe we're teaching her, and we're it's just an upsetting environment. We have learned just to take a break, have a breather and step away till she's karma or everybody's karma. Whoever's teaching her, just take a break for a while because we want her to learn and not just give her the answers, giving her the answers won't help her grow because we want her to have a teachable heart. In order for her to have a teachable heart, she needs to learn that from her mum and dad. We need to have a teachable heart. So, parenting for us is not about being perfect or being the expert, it's really for us we want to learn and grow alongside of her and just to be the best that we can in the moment that's given, and hopefully, when we're teaching her, we are teaching to her heart. Does that make sense? That's what we're trying to do here, folks, for our family. But also, it's the rhythm of how we go about our homework, each family has their own rhythm, and for us, it's different seasons, right? Homework because the barn, there's the winter, there's the summer, spring, or fall. So, depending on how or what we're doing during that time, homework is looking very different, but also yours can too. So, when you're sharing this, I'm hoping that you will find maybe something you can relate to for you in this episode, and also speaking to relate to, I want to share something that I'm really proud of, and this is my the period book, the icebreaker mom and daughter series. So, if you are wanting to have a conversation about the period, it's an icebreaker conversation with your daughter. This book would be for you. It has wonderful illustrations right here, very colorful illustrations, and it also has a diary, just a not a diary, but a journal in the middle. It's all in one for you for you or your daughter to color in together. And so this is just one part. My daughter colored in this part here. I wanted to show you that. So this book is$12.99. You can get this on Amazon,$12.99 American. And so I would love for you to get a copy. The period icebreaker mom and daughter series. There will be more series coming out. I would love for you to get your copy. Thank you so much for supporting this, it truly helps out as well. So I just want to say and just give you encouragement. You are doing the best you can, especially with homework, with the time that's given, with the resources you have, it is a lot. And depending, maybe you're the one that's doing the homework, and your husband is the one that's cheerleading you on. For me, I'm cheerleading my husband on as he's doing homework. You're gonna find strengths that work best for you and your family, and the rhythm when you do homework, when you don't do homework, and the timing that works best for you. But I just want to say, mom, you are doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources you have in the community you're in. You are loving on your daughter, you're loving on your husband, and you're loving on yourself. And I just want to continue to encourage that to love on yourself. Give yourself grace, give yourself time, give yourself just encouraging words. So I'm hoping as you're listening to this, you are amazing. You are so wonderful. You really are doing the best you can. I tell my family that I'm doing the best I can with the time that's given, with the resources I have. I with what I'm doing, I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm gonna make mistakes, but I'm loving on you as well as I'm loving on myself. So, moms, you're listening, you are amazing. Whether you're like me, sometimes you cook dinner, sometimes you don't, sometimes it's a microwave meal, sometimes it could be just something simple as a bowl of cereal, or it's a fast food something, or maybe it's like I don't know, you go to grandma's to get a meal. Just remember take care of yourself as well, as you're taking care of your child and your husband. Okay, thanks for being here. I will see you in the next episode. This is your friend Ruth. Bye.