Making Mom Friends, One Hello at a Time

That question people toss out so casually, “Are you having another?”, can land like a weight on your chest. 
We go on what it’s like to build a village when you don’t have a built-in one. I share some of my experiences when I have walked into rooms where other moms already had their people, their history, and their easy conversations, while I stood there trying to find a way in. We talk honestly about mom loneliness, the pain of being brushed off, and why that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Community takes time, repetition, and courage, especially for moms with one child who don’t always see their experience reflected back.

You’ll also get a practical tool you can use today: the FORM method (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Motherhood). It’s a simple way to start real conversations without forcing anything. We connect it back to only child parenting and how our kids build their own friendship “pockets” over time, plus the lesson I want my daughter to carry: like and love yourself first as a friend.

If you’ve been craving connection, take this episode with you on a walk or in the pickup line. Subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next, share it with a mom who needs a hand, and leave a review if it helps. What’s the hardest place for you to make mom friends right now?

Transcript

Welcome And Why We’re Here

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Welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. If you're ready for real stories, plenty of laughter and parenting tips, you're in the right place. So let's dive into this adventure together. I'm so glad you're here with me today. Whether you're doing the dishes, driving in the car, sitting in the school pickup line, or maybe you're just standing next to the kitchen stick, you're doing something hot or cold. I am just really glad we get to spend this time together. You know, I remember those during those first few months after I gave birth to my daughter, people would sometimes ask me if I was going to have another child. And because of what I shared, my age, my story, my situation of trying to have a baby, the conversation usually didn't go much further. And it was almost like once I explained it, people they just backed off. But I know for some of you listening, when people ask you, the responses may be different because your situation is not the same as mine. And maybe you felt more pressured because people pushed and pushed the conversation. And maybe they made comments about your child is gonna be lonely, which I still sometimes hear in conversations between moms. And maybe you've walked away feeling judged or second guess. Now I'm sure I felt those feelings in those early years when my child was a toddler, and that's something so many I wonder. I wonder if that's something so many other mums want and don't have talked about lately. This mix of outside pressure of becoming having more children, and the inside girl of wrapped up in one simple question, are you having another? Because that question can sometimes hit people, moms, all differently, right? And at the same time, there's a whole group of other mums saying, I love our family. So when someone says, Are you having another other mums like no straight away? I love our family just the way it is. You know, I've been on both. I've been where I'm like, oh, maybe they're right, and I should have another child. And then the others, now I'm like, you know, my family is perfect the way it is. So I've been there both, and I'm right here with you. And today we're talking about something that fits in your building your village. You know, it's not the perfect social media version, it's the messy, awkward, slow-growing one that many of us, or maybe I should say some of us, mom and dad, mums with an only child are trying to build from scratch. And I want to say this, you know, have you ever walked into a room full of mums and you felt unseen? Or maybe if you stood at the park, you're at a park and you watched other mums talk to each other, well, you know, talk to each other and you've stood there all along, your child is playing, and you don't have another mom friend or a friend to talk to. Or have you ever tried to join a conversation and felt brushed off because your parenting experience was really different from other mums around you? I have been there. I have your friend who has been there, and I'm sure I cried, and I know I've sang that song. Oh by my song. Okay, I'm gonna let you know. This is not gonna be in tune, but hanging in there with me, hang in there with me. Or I've sang that song. Where can we be friends? Why can't we be friends? You know, I'm gonna sing these songs in my mind because why? I just like to add that extra dramatic drama soundtrack in my mind, so you're not alone, okay? Oh my goodness, do I ever get better in my singing? No, but let me take you back a little bit even further. I grew up with siblings, I'm the youngest of five, and honestly, they mothered me in such a great way. They were older, they were the ones who taught me things, they looked out for me, and they helped me navigate life. So when I became a mom, I had this idea that motherhood would come naturally with a built-in village. Like, woohoo! I have a built-in village. Well, that's what I thought. But moms, because I was thinking, oh, moms talk to each other, moms connect, moms help each other out, and that would be great. It seriously would have been great if I had physically lived next door to my siblings, but I don't because we all live in different countries. Yep. So there I was living in the United States. I didn't have any siblings living with me, all in the same country. I'm a new mom of an only child, and I've given birth in my 40s. So I've had to find a group of moms, right, on my own. I had to build a village on my own. But I found myself in a group where everyone, I was in a situation where I found myself in a group of moms where everyone had already had their people, you know, they had their inside jokes, they shared history, their kids were all the same age. And I remember standing there, I probably was sitting down, you know, next to the moms in the group thinking, wow, I really don't fit here. And it's not because anyone was meant, they were really kind. It was just that because I was a new mom and I had one child, and sometimes the changes, the dynamic, you know, of the conversation, that changes in the way people don't talk about. So if I shared about my only child, I couldn't they couldn't really relate to what I was going and they related it to a mum with multiple children, which is fine, but for me, there wasn't any other mom with an only child in their 40s, all the other mums that I talked to, they had their child in late late 20s or early 30s, very early 30s. But you know what, mums? I kept trying, and that's where the form F O R M method comes in: family, occupation, recreation, and motherhood. It's just a simple way to start conversations without feeling you're forcing anything. So the first time I ever tried form, it was at our local library and at the baby and mom sing time activity. So what you would do is you would sit in a circle before the activity starts with the other parents, and the librarian should sing songs and she'll read a book. Then at the end, the the children got to play with toys, you know, they're crawling around and they're popping bubbles from the bubble machine, and they're just having a great time. And then this would be the time for parents to either talk to each other or interact with their children. So I would sit there and I would smile at the mom next to me. Now, whoever happened to be on my right or left that day, I would say, Hi, my name is Ruth. I would go with my English name. Well, depends. I think I might have said four, like the number four. I will try both. So if you have two names, that's fine. I like both names. I like Ruth and I like four as well. So I just tried either one, didn't matter. Some days I was Ruth R-U-T-H, and some days I was for F O A. Okay, getting back to the story. So I say hi, my name is Four, and then I would ask them something simple like, How long have you lived here? Or how long have you been coming to this activity? That's simple, right? Look to the mom on my left or right, and I'll say, Hi, my name is Fa. How long have you lived here? Or I would say, How long here have you been coming to this activity? And let me tell you, sometimes it would. Sometimes they'll smile back and you know they'll ask me a question too. And sometimes because you know it wasn't an open-ended question, they'll just answer and then they'll turn back to someone else. And when they did that, like they'll say, when I would ask them, how long have you been coming to this activity? I'll say, Oh, just a few weeks, and then they'll smile and then they'll turn back to someone else who's sitting next to them and talk to them and not return the conversation. And when that happened, that stung a little bit. Now, if I could sing a sad song, is there a sad song to sing at that moment? Hmm, I can't think of any, but if I could add a song on there, oh that one. Why tell me why okay, you guys are probably thinking we have no idea who's saying the second song. But I'll tell you, I'm I would have sang that song. Why? Tell me okay, but there were some activity times when okay, just letting you know when no one talked to me at all. Like after the library time, like seriously, no one will talk to me. No, except for the librarians, because of course they're very polite. Then after the library time, I'll pack up my diaper bag, buckle my happy child into a car set, and think, okay, maybe next week I'll try. And I had to be okay with it. Me, I had to learn that building a village or building a community takes time, and sometimes it's gonna take awkwardness, and then sometimes it takes trying again and again and again, even when last week didn't go the way you hoped. Seriously, you will think that a lot of people like talking to me some days, but I just keep trying, I keep trying, but you know what keeps me going is because my daughter she loved going to the library, and she loved the songs and she loves the bubbles, she loves the toys, and she loved playing with the other kids, and she lit up every time we walked into that room, and so even on the days when I felt unseen, I really and I really wanted another mom friend to talk to me. I went because my daughter loved it, and that was enough for me to step out of my comfort zone. And now she's nine. You know, my daughter has friendships in all different little pockets of her life. She has school friends, she has neighbor friends, she has barn friends from her riding horses, she has church friends, she's forming her own little world, and I'm sure she's got imagination friends as well. She's got her own little village in her own way, and you know, I'm really proud of her the most is because we talk about different types of friendships. I explained to her, some friends are gonna be close, and some are going to be acquaintances, and there are some for a season, and then I tell her, you know, even those ones that are only a one-week friendships at school, where you have an argument, and then you're not friends anymore, and then you're friends again. The school drama, yeah. I said, you know what? Most of all, what I'm really proud of out of all her friendships, that she likes herself first as a friend. And I tell her this, I said, because liking yourself first, you can like yourself first as a friend. It's so important. And I'm sure I learned you know what, when I think about where did I learn that? I think I learned that from my parents, and I'm glad I did because you know I've been in situations and I tell her, even adults, they go in situations and sometimes they can't, no one doesn't like them, or no one talks to them, or sometimes they think that no one's talking to them, so they talk to them, but they really don't want to talk to them. You know, it's kind of messy. What am I talking about? I'm just letting her know, even adults have different types of friendships, but what is going to be the best, first and foremost, I tell her, like yourself as a friend. Okay, before we keep going, or me keep singing on songs, adding on to this podcast, I want to pause and say hello to the listeners who tuned in to the last episode. I appreciate you all very much. I see you in the stats, in the locations. So for those who tuned into the last episode from Singapore, we hello mama, and from Sydney, New South Wales. I'm so glad that you are tuning in and hello into Springfield, Massachusetts. You are amazing, mom, and I thank you for listening to me, and also from Concord, North Carolina. Thank you for taking the time. Wonderful, you are wonderful, and also from London, England, you are amazing, mama, and from New Britain, Connecticut. Thank you so mama for listening. You all of you, thank you for listening from all around the world. It really means so much to me. And if I didn't say your city today or country, it's only because I recorded this episode before you listen. That I will catch you in the next one. So if you listen to the last episode, I will catch you in the next one. Well, I wanted to talk to the mum who may be feeling lonely to lonely today. It's the mom who walked into that room and didn't get included. Or the mum who tried to share something about her child and no one followed up with a with a question and they just moved on to another mum story. Or the mom who stood at the park and watched other mums talk to each other while she stood alone. Mom, if you're wondering if there's something wrong with you, no. Did you make the wrong decision? No. If I were sitting right next to you right now, I would tell you this. It does get better. Even though I'm a still I'm still a parent with a nine-year-old, I know some of you that have older kids out there, an older child, and I'm sure you you would be agreeing with me and saying, hang in there, you're not alone, you're not alone. I am here with you. Oh my goodness. Mom, seriously, you're not alone. Hang in there, hang in there. Is there a hang in there song? No, but you're probably thinking, is there? You should probably like send it to me. We know how you feel, and it does get better. A good friend of mine, or maybe my sibling, said, Some days are better, and some days are good. What matters the most is you are the best mom for your child. You you are the best mom for your child. Not because you're perfect, it's not because you have it all together a hundred percent all the time, but because God chose you for your child and your husband. God loves you and He sees you, and He is with you in every room, every place you go, even in the places that you feel unseen, He sees you, and there are so many mums out there I wonder who feel exactly like you do this moment. I wonder, and I'm sure there is. So you're not alone and you're not the only one. You are amazing. You are a winner, you are seriously are a winner, you're a beautiful mama, and you are doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources that are given to you that you have, and today, because that person or mom group or whatever at the park or the library or even at the shopping, or even when you went to a group, no one talked to you, and they didn't you didn't feel connected today, yeah, that totally stinks. It's not a good feeling, but it's just today, and it's not forever. Okay, and if you need to cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. I know I have cried some days. I just cry, you know. I used to just cry and force myself to cry because I thought if I force myself to cry, maybe that feeling will come out. So I used to think of a sad thing. What sad thing would I think about? I don't know. My husband would be like, You're so dramatic. And I'm thinking about now, I was like, Man, I don't what is going on with my mind? I thought I just need a cry, I just need a good cry. But if you need to sit, if you're sitting in a car, just for a minute, just take a breather, breathe in with the in your nose, hold it for five seconds, and out. Just do that two more times, okay? And if you need to call your husband, your mom, your sister, or a really good friend, and say to them, Hey, today was hard. I went to this place where I felt this, and I just wanted to connect with someone, do it, let someone hear from you. And if you say, I don't have anyone, give me an email. My email is joyfulgathers at outlook.com. Someone hold that space with you so you're not by yourself. Okay, and by the time this episode ends, I want you to feel that you are with someone, and so you can breathe, hold it for five seconds, and out, or hold it for two, depending. If you're unable to hold it for five seconds, don't hold it that long. You do what's comfortable for you. Okay, you are part of this community of the family of one child, and us moms, we gotcha. You are doing better than you think, and your child is doing better than you think because your child has a wonderful mom that loves them. Your child, you are the best mom for your child, you are the best wife for your husband. You are amazing, and even if your village, even if it's small and it's still forming, you're still building your small community, your community for you is real and it's enough. Okay, friends. So I so take care. Remember, you are the best mom, and you're doing the best you can with the resources you have with the time that's given. You are amazing. So remember, use form F for family, O for occupation, A for recreation, and M for motherhood. And today and I will see you in the next episode. Bye.