Asking the Whys Helps You Keep Showing Up

That moment when you meet another mom of an only child and instantly click is hard to describe, but you know it when it happens. I call it the “long lost buddy” feeling, If you’ve been craving mom friends who truly get your season, your schedule, and the unique pressure of being the main playmate, this conversation is for you. 

I share the questions that helped me most when my daughter was around two to three years old, especially when I was trying to connect with other stay-at-home moms and find parenting support. We walk through my “seven whys” method, asking why you want a community, why it matters, and why it’s important until you reach the honest reason in your heart. That deeper clarity helps when it takes time to find your people, or when you’re wondering if you’re doing this only child parenting thing “right.” 

We also talk about why this is bigger than playdates. I share how I learned to keep boundaries, stop forcing connections, and sort friendships that are mainly for me, mainly for my child, or a great fit for both. If you’re building a local mom community, exploring mom groups, or searching for practical only child resources, you’ll leave with a clearer path forward. 

If this helps, subscribe, share it with a mom who needs a village, and leave a review so more families of one child can find us.

Transcript

That Instant Only-Child Mom Bond

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I can't explain it. It's like a long lost buddy. And for that moment, it's kind of like we understand and we start laughing because we start comparing, sharing stories, like, yeah, does your child like wear you out because they want to play with you all the time? I can't be like, Really, mom, you're gonna tell my business. How about I tell your business? And you're gonna sleep all the time. And I'll be like, okay, you're right

Why I Wanted To Build A Village

SPEAKER_00 0:25

about that. Hi, my name is Ford, and welcome to the Family of One Child podcast. I'm going to talk about some of the things that really helped me to connect when I was building a small family group before I did any of that. And I was a full-time stay-at-home mom. And at that time, my little one, she was about two to three years old, and I reach out and build friends with moms in similar situations and similar season that I was going through. So one of the things that really helped me was answer a lot of questions of the reasons why. Why do I want to build a village for my daughter? Now I was already in a group. Maybe some of them were five to six older. And the moms at that time, we had different schedules. Remember, I only had a two or three-year-old, and the other ones were a lot older. So my one at that time, she was still napping, and she was doing different activities. So trying to find a mom that had the same schedule and also different experiences. My friends were so cool, but they already went through the teething problems. They already went through the potty train problems. And I shouldn't say problem because you know potty training and teething may not be your challenge. I'm saying that each one is different. So, but did I notice when she was teething during those teething years, I think I slept less. When it came to potty training, it wasn't a challenge for me. So each one, like you're listening, like well, I can't relate to that. So it depends on what you are going through that season. I just know every time there was a teething, when it came to teething challenges, I shouldn't say challenges, but when it came, maybe because that's why I keep saying it was a challenge, so I was bringing it on myself. So what was the question? Why do I want to build a village for my daughter? Because I wanted to get around other mums that were going through similar seasons with me in the same age, and I wanted to relate to that. I wanted to just hear their side and you know, learn from their experiences. Not to say that I couldn't get it from other mums who've been there. When you met another mom with an only child, and their child is similar age as your child, I feel like in all my situations, when I met a new mom and I'm getting to know her, and we're kind of like comparing notes, something happens. I can't explain it. It's like a long lost buddy. And for that moment, it's kind of like we understand and we start laughing because we start comparing, sharing stories, like, oh yeah, and does your child like wear you out because they want to play with you all the time. My child would be like, Really, mom, you're gonna tell my business. How about I tell your business? And you go to sleep all the time. And I'd be like, Okay, you're right about that. I wanted to build a village because I wanted to meet mums in a similar situation, going through similar experiences. They just wanted to connect. You know, just so at least one or two other moms that I can find. And the next one is why does that matter to me? It mattered to me at that time because I really wanted to have a friend who I can, when I share it, it's almost like that heart-to-heart connection. It'd be like, yeah, I get it, I totally understand

Finding Your Deeper Why

SPEAKER_00 4:11

it. And because when they shared the same situation, it's almost like I remember in Youth Group many, many, many years ago, I signed up for this youth ministry, and there was five of us, and we had to go away on this training. Now, this training was a boot camp, and it was called Team Extreme. So you go away on the week with other people you don't know, and they were amazing. And then they put you in a situation where it's really like extreme. They put you on this island. There's no cell phones, no TV, no nothing. This is the island, and then you have to make your food. Just imagine like survivor, but without the TV crew, you're there for like two or three days. Anywho, the point is that you go through these extreme experiences with these people that you've never met, and now you have a bond. You're thrown into all these situations, just have each other to rely on. What has that got to do with meeting another mom? Well, for me, when I was sharing my experience and sharing my stories, and she's sharing similar, it's like we could understand each other and connect in the nicest way possible. So I'm saying it's nice because when I meet another mom with an only child, right? And there's something about my heart, it's like, ooh, it opens up. And then we start smiling, and it's almost like we don't need to explain ourselves, try and justify. So once you find the reason why it matters to you, the next question is why is that important? So let's go back. The reason why I wanted to build a village for me and my child, because I wanted to connect with other moms, going through similar. That was my why. Why does it matter? Because I wanted to open, have heart conversations. I wanted to someone to acknowledge. And why is that important? Because I wanted to have affirmation that I wasn't going crazy, that yeah, that my similar situation with my only child, I want to feel like, isn't it normal to feel this way? This is the first time parenting. I don't know if it's right. Am I doing it right? Am I the only one who is feeling this situation? Because I'm not gonna have another child. So it's not like I can compare it with anything. So going and talking like that with another mom who's in a similar situation, who is also living through that same experience at real time, for me, it just meant a lot. Why do I really want this? I really wanted this because I wanted a friend. You want all those things? And why does it touch my heart? It touched my heart because once I felt alone. Sometimes when you go through the reasons why, you ask yourself one why. What is the purpose of asking all these? You found a why, then you dig deep, why do you need that? And then you dig deep, why doesn't that important? And then you know the deep why. The more for me, when I'm talking about my whys, it helps me because the stronger my why, because it's connected to another reason, it just helps me to continue ongoing. Because you know, some days are gonna be difficult, some days are gonna be good, some days are gonna be better, some days it's just like, well, that doesn't work out the way you want it. But then you have your why, and your why sometimes change. It really does. At that time, that why was important to me, but now, you know, my child is a lot older, or our activities have changed because we have a new interest. And so I want to pursue that. As long as you know and it's real for you, and you understand it, or you have some grasp of it of why you want to do it and go towards it, it's gonna help you go towards it when it gets hard.

Why It Is Bigger Than Playdates

SPEAKER_00 8:25

So the next one is why is this bigger than just play dates or activities? So for me, it's not that I didn't have any play dates, and it's not that I could go to the library or to the local park or even just go for a walk around the street or for a bike ride. Why did I want to build small friendship or village or community around myself and my child one? It's because I, her as the only child, I wanted her to have many full connections. For example, uh, we would go to a friend's house and they were all playing soccer. And her friends were, she must have been like maybe three or four at the time, and the other kids were older than her. And they were all siblings, and there was five to seven of them. And so they passed the ball to her. Now, it's not that she didn't know how to kick, she just at that time she didn't understand the game of soccer. What are the rules? How do you play? And they were like, kick the ball, come on, run here, do this and do that. And she was like, huh? And she was like looking, and she she wanted to play, but she didn't understand the rules. And I said to the kids, oh, one, it's because she doesn't have a sibling to show her or teach her the rules of the game like you have with your younger siblings. And two, it's not something that I play or I go in my backyard. I didn't teach you that. I said, I don't really pick the ball all the time. Not that I held back intentionally, but there's things that when you have a sibling, they naturally saw their older siblings play and they heard the talk, and the siblings showed their little ones how to play all the time, you know, in their backyard or at home. But the good thing about this group of children, they taught her at that time the game. My point is this why is it bigger than just play dates and activities? There are some things that I feel children in my situation that they could teach her. I'm not saying better, but they could just add on to the teaching of what I give her. It's like a lovely partnership. When I go on field trips and we participate in something, when another child is sharing something or they're learning from another kid, I notice that they're like, ooh, like my child does, they're like naturally like want to listen, ask questions. There's something about it, the engagement. And I wonder if it's because it's it's the way their child sees things and understands it from, you know, from their perspective. And, you know, I think kids are just awesome teachers anyway, from my experience of many of the friends that we had built during the time. So the reason why I wanted to share this is that's because you're ready to build your village, right? You're ready

Boundaries And The Seven Whys

SPEAKER_00 11:40

to look for two or three other moms in your local area. And you gotta ask your reason why. Why do you want to build this connection or build a community with two or three other moms in your local area? And then ask yourself again, why does this matter to you? Because it might take some time. I mean, I on the last episodes, I told you that I ran after, I was like, met a mom at the park, and then I started following her like I had nothing else to do. I mean, do not be doing that. Do not be following another mom, especially when she has not looked at you and it looks like she wants to move away. Just saying, you gotta know your boundaries, okay? So calm down. You learn from a lot of your mistakes. So once you find your reason and you keep going, I do seven reasons why. Now you might think, seven? Seriously? Seven? You don't have to answer all seven. But when you go through each one, you ask your why. Why does it matter? Just keep going down. It helps. It helps you really to get to the core of what is really going in your heart. If you only get to three, that's okay. This is not a stress one, but if you can get to all seven, I tell you, it's going to help you a little bit more. There's gonna be some days where it's a lot harder when you think, oh my gosh, I'm an amazing person. And yet no one is saying hello to me.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Breathe. Just remember your wise, okay? Remember your why.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

If you had listened to the last episode, I'm going to give you a shout-out because I am thankful that you are part of this community. I want to give a shout-out to the mom in Amanakor and mine. I hope I said that right. Thank you very much for listening to the next mom in Waxhor, North Carolina. I'm excited that you joined. Into the mom in Alameda, North Carolina, you are amazing too. Into the mom in Dallas, Texas. Thank you very much for listening to the podcast. Ashburn, Virginia, Atlanta, Georgia, Melbourne, Victoria, Windsor, Connecticut, Columbus, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Sydney, New South Wales, and to the mum in Goshen, Indiana. I just want to thank you all for taking the time. One for listening to this podcast, and also for going to the Joyful Gathers Press, because check out those resources when I'm sharing a story, when I am relating to an experience. I'm always using one of the resources, either from the free resources or for the digital resources, the 22 resources. I am wanting to thank you for being part of this community. And if I did not, if I did not say your country or your city, it's because I recorded this episode before you watched it. But don't worry, I will catch you in the next episode. Okay, mama. So getting back to the reason, the why I went through this process of asking myself, why do I want to do that? Why does it matter? Why does it matter to my heart? And how does that help me make you friends? Because

When Friendships Fit Mom Or Child

SPEAKER_00 15:30

one other thing too, when you make friends, sometimes it's gonna be in different seasons. There's some people who are already in groups. Now I was in quite a few different types of mom groups. I was in mom church groups, I was in like in library groups, I was in and I remember this Facebook page one time where you could just get to know other moms in your local area and look for things that you like to do. For example, there was a walking group, there was like a yoga group, there was like, I wish there was kind of like a group where you can just eat ice cream. I probably would have showed up on that, or just eating fries groups. Okay, I probably would have signed up for a lot of junk food things, just moms meeting, taking your kids. But anywho, getting back. So you can belong to different groups, but just letting you know, sometimes when you meet those mom groups, you maybe just it's more for you. There's gonna be a different season. So sometimes when I was building my village, meeting two to three other moms, I asked myself, was this more for me or was this for my daughter? And you're like, what are you talking about? Because some of their mom friends, right, they had kids and they could be similar age, similar season, but the personality with that child and your child, they don't gel together. You want it to gel so much. But when they get together, you know, it just does not work. And so you really have to ask yourself. Like there are times where the mom and I we got together because we enjoyed our company and we loved it, but our children could not be together for too long. Someone's always crying, or the interest, my child wanted to do something totally different from their child, and their child was very nice. I had to really process is this a free for me, or is this a free for my child, or is their friends for her and I? And there are some friends that I said to the mom, or the mom realized that it's kind of better if we just meet, and it's okay if our children don't meet. And then there's some friends, like, oh my goodness, thank goodness it works. Like we like each other and our kids like each other. So that's why when you're doing your why, you might meet like two friends, and it could be like, this is just for my child. Oh, and there was like a situation where I, the mom and I, we didn't have to talk all the time. We just met at the park, or I would just drop my daughter off at their house and knew her very well. But her and I didn't have to like sit hours and talk for like 20 or 30 minutes or even an hour or two hours. We were so comfortable that we knew, oh, this friendship is just more for our kids. But if we were at the park, or if we were doing an activity, or if we were like going somewhere together, we were five. It was no big deal, but we absolutely liked each other. We just like, eh, it's okay. I don't need to be around her, and she doesn't need to be around me. Once you ask yourself these why questions, and if you want to dig a little deep more, I think for me and my experience, it just helped me navigate those friendships. And that way I don't have to keep pushing for something that I don't want, and maybe that parent doesn't want. You and I have time. You and I'm a mom and mums with an only children. Oh my goodness, can I just say it's a law is that we are always the entertainer. You like thinking, I'm not the entertainer. My situation, I was always entertainer. But if you ask my child, she's body thinking, you slept a lot. I'm very selective. I can tell you, I didn't sleep all the time. Because I have a lot of photos to prove it. We do a lot. You're welcome. Okay, getting back on track again. What is the purpose? What are you wanting? Is it formal for you? All these questions. So when you're navigating these friendships, it's like dating. Oh, let's talk about that later. Okay, so getting back on track, because this is not a dating podcast. This is a podcast called The Family of One Child. I crack myself up.

Resources, Pep Talk, And Closing

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Mom, you're doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources you have, and now you have another resource. If you want to have it, it's available. Go to the Joyful Gathers Press, joyfulgathers press.com, look at my resources, watch this episode, this podcast, to help you when you are building your village to three other mums. You're connecting because you're ready to build friendships in your local community. Okay, now you can do it. You are amazing, remember? You are amazing, mom, and you're an amazing mom to your only child, your amazing wife. You are doing the best you can. When you wake up in the morning, you're like, I am amazing because I am here. I'm loving, loving yourself. Give yourself a 20-second hug. I would cast 20 seconds, but you know we all got things to do. Thank you for staying with me in this podcast. Reach out to me, text me, email me, let me know how you do. What did you like about this podcast? Give me a feedback. I'll love it. Don't grab your resource, check out my website. I will see you in the next episode. Bye.