How To Create A Support Network For Your Only Child

Parenting an only child can look calm from the outside, you carry a lot, and you’re often the default playmate, teacher, and emotional safe place all at once. We’re talking about building a real village not a perfect one so your child gets more support and you get more room to breathe. 

We share a simple moment that changed everything: letting a kind teenager babysitter teach shoelaces. It’s funny, it’s humble, and it’s a powerful reminder that trusted people can offer fresh ways to teach skills your kid actually enjoys learning. From there, we zoom out to the bigger only child parenting questions, like what it feels like at the park when your child watches siblings play, or at school when they notice older siblings helping younger kids and they have to figure it out solo. We talk about how we encourage confidence without pretending it’s always easy. 


If you’re building your support network one relationship at a time, you’re not behind. Subscribe, share this with an only child parent who needs it, and leave a review so more moms can find the show.

Transcript

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Welcome And The Village Idea

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi mama and welcome back to the Family of One Child podcast. I am your friend for yeah, that's it, like the number for, and I wanted to thank you for listening. So this episode is going to be about my village, how I have continued on building a village for my child and for myself as well. So thank you for tuning

Let Others Teach Shoelaces

SPEAKER_00 0:24

in. So I'm gonna share some stories. For example, I remember a few summers ago, you know, I was working part-time, and my husband also works as well. I hired this teenager, she was super, super nice. And one time she asked me, Hey, is there anything that you are working on with Olivia right now? And I said, You know, actually, you know, I could have said the dishes, folding, laundry, dusting. I thought, you know what? Can you help her do her shoelaces? Like, teach her how to do that. Now, I had tried another friend of mine had taught her daughter how to tie shoelaces, right? At a very, very young age. I was like, Oh my goodness, I am so exhausted about that. I'm just gonna let her wear, you know, Vacrol shoes or just slip on. And my friend goes, Really? And I went, Yeah, that's gonna be great for me. It's just one less thing that I gotta do. And if you're thinking, seriously, you are not gonna teach your child shoelaces. Now hold up. It was on my to-do list. Like seriously, it was on my to-do list, it just wasn't the one to do, and so I said to her, Fine, my friend, I will teach her eventually. So I started just doing it a little bit teaching her, and then when I hired the sitter, the teenagers, I thought, this is gonna be a great time if I give it to her. And it was really good because my daughter learning from a teenager, super duper nice, very encouraging. She was able to learn it a lot quicker. Now, maybe my technique wasn't great. I mean, I like to think my technique is always and other things awesome, but maybe this one wasn't. So when she learned it, she came running to me. She was like, Man, Alison taught me how I was happy about because you're bringing people in your circle and you're letting them teach your child, they might have another way of teaching it, and it may be better, or maybe just like like me, one last thing I gotta do, I'm just gonna fobble on to something else. I'm just being real with you. But it worked, and I was so happy with it, and she was happy with the way she taught. And I was thinking, you know what, is there anything else that I can give this college student teach my daughter? Because obviously my daughter loves learning from her. So, what was the point of that? The point is when you bring people into your circle and they're positive and they're encouraging, and they want to ask, is there anything that you're working on for school? Is there anything you want her to continue on, like reading, math, you know, just going through her schoolwork during the summer? And my dear is like, Mom, don't be telling her about my schoolwork. I want to have a break, and I was thinking, you know what? Shoelaces. We can start from shoelaces. Was maybe that's a tip. Maybe you get someone else to teach your child how to do shoelaces. Or if you're like me and you dragged on probably a lot longer than you really should, and you're like, I'm just gonna valcrow. Everything is velcro. I'm not gonna be judging, I'm just gonna say, look,

Only Child Moments At The Park

SPEAKER_00 3:20

I did it myself. So I remember too, another story is you know, when we used to go to the park and we would watch a group of kids playing, and they're all siblings and they're all coming together and they're chasing one another, they're laughing and they're playing tech, and your child is standing next to you, and I you know your child loves you, but I know I would have loved to have a sibling or some cousin or someone come on chase me other than you. And now she didn't say it, but just her eyes looking like that just seems like fun. I was the youngest of five, and I had a sister who was close in age, like she was only a few years older than me. Now, whether I was in the playground area at school, or maybe church or shopping, somewhere, anywhere like in public, I always, or even at home, I always had my sister with me. And I loved it because when I was nervous, or she was always close by, and she would hold my hand if I need to. But for my child, because she's an only child, especially when we're in the playgrounds, or I remember she would tell me like at school, like the first day of school, where everything's brand new and things can be awkward. She had mentioned, you know, the one thing I noticed, mom, when I I see that the older siblings will help the younger ones, I just have to do it myself, mom. And so I'm like, oh, darling, I you know, I don't really know what that's like as a child. I just know that as an adult, when I go to a new place, I don't know anyone. But as a child, I don't understand that because mommy's never been through that. So I'll give it a lot of encouragement and say, you can do it, you're a wonderful friend. And that's what I'm learning. That's what I learned when she was a toddler up to now she's nine years old. But thank goodness kids are way faster at making friends. And I've seen it, I've seen it in my own experience, you know, at the park, and kids will zip on by, zoom, zoom, and say, Do you want to play? Or can I play with you? And I'm so proud of her because she steps out of her comfort zone to do this and she'll ask. And sometimes, you know, she asks me, Can we go together and ask that family? And I say, sure, I will go with you. You know, if a playground you need someone to play with, I will help with you if you need it. Otherwise, I'll just step back and wait. Watching her do this over and over again. Sometimes I'm like, ooh, you know, she's amazing. They love that about her.

Cousins And Social Learning

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Another one is uh with cousins. Now, my husband's side has a few cousins, has a handful of cousins, and some of them, you know, they're a lot older, and some of them a lot younger, just a very small handful. And when we all get together, I love watching her in the beginning, and she'll just wait to see what's going on with the siblings, especially if there's a disagreement over a toy, and she's just watching them work through it, and that is the part where she'll be like, Okay, what's going on here? Because at home, you know, she doesn't have anyone to argue with. No one else is saying that's mine, that's mine. No, I could grab the toy and say that's mine, but that's just pretty weird. Just saying that from a kid to kid, you know, and then just watching that dynamic. And then cousins are so nice, you know. They love her as well. So once they work through that and she's like looking like, are they yelling at each other? That's kind of loud. Now my daughter will take my clothes and she'll take like some of my hoodies that are a lot smaller now, because you know, I have extended my tent. I've expanded my horizons so she's able to wear my smaller outfits, my smaller tops, which is a lot bigger on her, just letting you know. Okay, what's the point of that? The point is that when she's around her cousins and just watching that dynamics, how they interact with each other, and how work out their disagreements and uh and then her navigating those friendships because she is close to them and building that friendship cousin over time, it's really interesting to watch. On my side of the family, I have lots of cousins. We live in a different country from my cousins, so she does not get to see them. So just letting you know that you may have cousins that are similar age to your child, but they are not like location-wise, they're not close to each other, so you can't build that consistently because they don't see each other maybe once every few years or once a year, whatever. So you just gotta build with what you have with the resources around you, and that's what I wanted to make a point. You just make the best of it if you have cousins.

Listener Love And Helpful Resources

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Hey mama, before we keep going, I just want to pause and say thank you. Last episode I had listeners tuning in from Sydney, New South Wales, Columbus, Ohio, Toronto, Ontario, Ashburn, Virginia, Newark, New Jersey, Bangkok, Bangkok, Meridian, Mississippi, Clifton, New Jersey, Scottsboro, Alabama, Windsor, Connecticut, Frankfurt, and Maine, Hesse, and honestly, it means so much to me that you're out there listening wherever you are. If I didn't catch your city or country this time, don't worry, I'll catch you next episode. I really do appreciate every single one of you. And hey, if this episode's got you thinking about your own village building, I've got a free village building kit waiting for you at joyfulgatherspress.com. No strings attached, just something to help you get started. If you want to go a little deeper, there's the From One Mom to Another bundle, just $22, gentle practical tools for building connection and confidence with your only child. And if you're looking for something to help open up conversations with your daughter, I've also got the period book, part of my icebreaker mom and daughter series, available on Amazon. Alright, mama, let's get back to

Finding Mom Friends Who Get It

SPEAKER_00 9:30

it. And then this one here, over the years, I've had over the years I've been able to build friendships with other mums in my local town who are also an only child mom. And I love that because the kind of friendships, you know, all different kinds of friendships. You have mums with an only child, you have mom friends who have multiple children, and then you just have female friends with no kids, but they're a mentor that are like a spiritual mom, a mentor to other kids. And the friends that I have with an only child that have you know kids a lot older, I love talking there, talking to them too, because it gives me a glimpse of just what I can expect. Now that's also with parents with multiple children as well. But just having a friend or a family member who has an older child and I can just ask them questions because you know their child's a lot older, and I'm like, from a only child's mom's perspective and asking her that, thinking, Am I crazy? And they're like, No, that's normal as well. You're doing good. And then I got a friend whose daughter is the same age, same grade, and even going through the same stage as me. But and she's similar age as me. But when I talk about how tired I am, you know, I'm going through premenopause and raising an only child with my husband. I love it because I don't have to explain every detail. I remember when I was with a group of other mums and they had multiple children, and I maybe Olivia was like a year or two years old. The conversation was a little bit different because one, I didn't know how to explain what I was going through. I'm just a mum for the first time. These women had multiple children and they're a lot younger, like way younger than me. They're early 20s, and I just had her at 40. So for me, I was I think I was more of unsure what to say. I was trying to blend in, and then I downrolled, I downplayed my own parenting, like, oh, you know, I I shouldn't be really too tired because I only have one child compared to like you, you have like three to five or six children. And that may be true, they might be like more tired than me. But then I started to realize, as now she's nine and I'm 50. I'm like, no, I am tired, and I'm going through a pre-menopause, and I'm trying to do the best I can. So why do I tell you? I'm just saying that when I talk to a certain ladies my age, and we get together, I don't have to downplay my own parenting. I'm trying to do the best. We have our

Barn Life And Positive Mentors

SPEAKER_00 12:14

pony. I like Olivia going to the barn is how she is learning from the older the kids there, the teenagers, the college students, and even the adults. There's because they have a common love for horses, and there's all different ages that go to this barn, uh, they're all so encouraging, and it gives my daughter another opportunity to learn from someone else and have wonderful teachers. And these girls at the barn are so positive. Like this past summer at camp, Livia was helping at the camp, and the older girls are teaching her certain horsemanship skills, they're teaching her step by step, and they're being real patient, and they're explaining it to her. Now she's been there for many years, and she's just learning more things, being around the barn, being around the girls, you know, and as you do barn chores, you know, you got to do your thing, your chores in the morning, and you gotta do it in the way that is caring for the horses and respectful to the barn. But when they teach you a skill, and then they gave her the opportunity to teach this skill to a younger person, and then hearing her say that, like, Mum, oh my goodness, I had the opportunity working on this skill, the older kids have been teaching me this, and then I was given the opportunity to teach a younger person at the camp, and just hearing that, I thought that is so awesome because it's kind of like an older sibling where she has a wonderful mentor teaching her how to do things, and that's what I love about it at the barn. The owner of the barn is amazing. So if you're able to find something for your child, whether it's sports or if they're an activity, and there's some mentorship where the older kids are positive, they're encouraging, and they're able to teach your child, and then your child gets the opportunity to teach someone else that is cool. Oh, and I want to tell you this funny story.

The First Friend Drop Off Fear

SPEAKER_00 14:16

I remember when Olivia, she must have been like how old? Maybe four. And we had been with my this one particular family. We did a lot of field trips together for many years. So I knew her for at least over a year. And we had been to my friend's house, this house, plenty of times, her and I. And we've known the family for many years. And every time I visit, you know, my friend would say, you know, you're welcome. Just uh if you want, you can go home. I only live 15 minutes away from my friend. She goes, Olivia's fine. And my other friends would do that. They're like, Hey, you know, if you just want to go and leave your daughter here, because I would always stay and I would just visit with my friend and we'll just talk. But then sometimes afterwards, I was like, you know what? It would be nice if I just go like do some shopping or just come home, just have a little break for an hour. And sometimes I wonder, maybe my friend just wants a break. She's like, let the kids play. And some of my friends that I went to go visit all the time, they had multiple children, and then some the ones with like an only child. Sometimes she's like, you know what, the girls are fine playing. I'm just gonna go blah blah blah, do work in the house or something. Or so I started to think maybe I should just take that offer up. But I was like, oh my goodness, my one friend, I finally gave in. I said, you know what? I'm gonna give it a try. I'm going to like leave Olivia here for your house. But I was so nervous. Yeah, I was so nervous, and my friend was laughing. She was like, She's gonna be fine. I said, No, but what if she starts crying? Really? She's gonna start crying. I thought, once she starts crying, what if she asked for me? And then my friend goes, You could always sit in the car, you know, just gonna drive or park your car down the road. Don't let her see you. And we were both cracking up laughing. And I thought, you're right. You know what? I'm just I I'm just gonna say bye to her. So I was like, bye! Mummy's just gonna go for like an hour, but if you change your mind, you know, you just let my friend know I'll come pick you up. Now I'm only 15 minutes away from her. 15 minutes. We only live 15 minutes away from my friend. It would be there multiple times, and I'm hugging her as if I am boarding a plane to go overseas. Like, this is how ridiculous I was. And my daughter's like, okay, okay, you can stop hugging me. You're only going for away for a little bit. And I realized this was more for me because I had never left her with even though I was my friend is amazing, this person and this family, and we knew this family over a year and a bit, and we did many field trips together. I was like, I have never left her with anyone other than her grandparents. And me doing this, like, is a big step. This is the first time with my only child doing this. And so I said to my friend, okay, fine. So got in the car, and then I thought, be strong, do not cry. You just you're just going home. And so it's after 10 minutes, as soon as I got home, I text my friend, how's she doing it? And then my friend goes, She's having a great time. And then I text her another 10 minutes, how's she doing? And my friend's just like laughing. She's like, She's having a blast. And then I realized, you know what? I need to calm down, take a breather. I called my husband. He said she'll be fine. She's only 15 minutes away. And then when I picked her up, she said, I had the best time, mom, the best time of my life. Oh my goodness. So this is another encouragement. If you have not done that yet, and you're thinking, I haven't left my only child at someone else's house yet, other than their family member, you know what? One, when you're ready, I don't know. I I took, I think maybe I had to find the right friend, making sure that I knew her, and then we did everything together. Like, there was a lot of checks and balances in place. The one thing that made it so nice for me is because my friend who had multiple children, she was a lot further ahead because her children were a lot older. She was a teenager and the one age similar, closest to my daughter. And um, she was like, It's okay, I've been there and I understand what it's like. So she was giving me so much encouragement. And she goes, if you change your mind, you know, you could always come back and pick her up, or you can always come back and just stay in the car. I think she said, just come back and just stay in the car. You don't need to come in the house because your daughter's having a great time. But she was laughing, she goes, Of course you can come inside the house if you want. So I made it through. What's the point of this? It's because maybe you're not sure, like, well, I don't know if I can step out and leave my daughter with someone for 30 minutes and they're not family. Or maybe you're like, it's okay, I did it, and I was fine. So there's always gotta be something for someone, just letting you know. You know, I've only been parenting for nine years, and this is what I was telling you, what I went through. And I think she must have been four. I think she was four years old. Woo! Boy. So after that, you know, I have not struggled at all. She's fine. Well,

Pools Golf Carts And Safety Trust

SPEAKER_00 19:06

you know what? It's different when they have a swimming pool. That one took me a lot. I made sure she knew how to swim. I took her to swimming classes, and I wanted to make sure that she was able to swim on her own. I think a full few, maybe a year or maybe two years, right? We went to swimming lessons. Because I remember she went to a camp and she wanted to swim. But if you did not know how to swim in the deep end, you had to swim in the shallow end of you know this pool. And yes, there were supervisors, you know, there were people making sure that people were there. But if you could swim without a life jacket, you can go at the deep end. But um so she told me, she shared with me, and I said, you know what? If you go to camp and you want to be with your friends who know how to swim, you have to put in the hours and learn how to swim. So she for two years, or was it two years, it took her where she's able to swim without a life jacket on. Now there are moments where she's like, Oh, I don't want to do this. I said, you know what? If you put in the hours, you learn the skill. When it comes to swimming with your friends at these camps, or maybe you know, when your friend has a swimming pool, I will feel confident that you're gonna be okay. But when it came to the swimming pool, and my friend said, Oh yeah, you know, I'm gonna be here because every time my daughter has a friend, we always make it a rule. Someone is there watch the children. But you just want to make sure that they know how to swim. That's what we do. And so, what's the point of that? One is that I felt confident and I felt absolutely safe that my child knows how to swim, and I left her with a friend. I have come a long way. I had a friend, and another one is that she has like a four-wheel drive, like a gator. It's kind of like a golf cart or something. So I was like, we don't have a golf cart, but my friends, they have a golf cart. And so they said, Oh, and they'll text me, is she okay to drive a golf cart? I was thinking, Oh my goodness, you know, at this age, I have driven a golf cart. I know what that's like. And I was like, you know, you got a bunch of kids driving a golf cart, what's that gonna be like? And so I said, Yes. So I noticed now at these different stages with certain friends, there comes different experience. And for me to allow her to have those experiences with the kids, and I asked myself, okay, I know these friends, they're gonna be okay. So that's the learning part for me as I'm building my village, and people come in and out for different seasons, and some of those people might have different equipment, some have pools, some have like golf carts, some don't have golf carts. So, all of this stuff is really teaching me to learn and grow. And for me, because I'm like, ooh, but what is that gonna look like? Why am I nervous? What am I nervous about? That's what I'm learning on this journey about building a village and how I do it. And most of my daughter's friends have siblings, and to see them teach her how to drive a golf cart or them driving the golf cart, and the mom says, If you're okay, if my daughter drives a golf cart and then um she's gonna teach you how to drive it, and they go around the property. Are you okay with that? And I'm like, Okay. So it's kind of like giving her the opportunity because I know my siblings taught me a lot of things as well, and just her being an only child, having that experience, another kid teach her different things at certain ages, has been very, very interesting. Um, so it's always a learning and growing experience. Oh my goodness, the things we learn as

Keep Building One Relationship At A Time

SPEAKER_00 22:47

well. So I just want to say one thing that you are doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources you have, mama, you truly are. Okay, and I just want to let you know too. And if this episode's got you thinking about your own village building, I got a free building kit waiting for you at joyfulgathers press.com. It's no strings attached, just something to help you get started. And if you want to go a little deeper from one mom to another bundle, it's just $22. Just like light practices, gentle tools for helping you build connection. And if you're looking for something to help open up conversations with your daughter, I've also got the period book. It's part of my icebreaker mom and daughter series, and it's available on Amazon. So that's what this whole village thing is about. You know, I'm still learning how I'm building it, and it's not just about, you know, my daughter learning new things, it's also about other people that I'm bringing in. It's grandparents, it's friends, it's family. It's just bringing them into this village to help her and help me and my husband learn and grow together. And it's also it takes time to build that kind of trust. Um, you know, she's only nine and we are mid-age, awesome 50. Isn't that amazing? So that's what I want to say. No matter how old you are, maybe you're in your closer to age to me, or maybe you're a lot younger. I just want to say that the village doesn't have to all look the same. It's building what you need for your family. Sometimes, like for me, it's just sometimes shoelaces from a babysitter. There's so many different experiences. I am still learning to one relationship at a time. And you remember, you're doing the best you can with the time that's given, with the resources you have, mama. You are the best mama for your child, and you are the best wife for your husband. Okay. So give yourself a hug. Be kind to yourself. But I'm gonna say thank you for listening to the Child of One podcast. I will catch you in the next episode. Bye.