Networking: The genuineness pulse (and some venting)

The problem isn’t networking. The problem is pretending there isn’t an agenda when there is actually one. Transparency and genuineness, amongst other factors, is what builds trust.

That's why before reaching out to someone we could ask a question, that is very simple, but useful enough to snap out of auto-pilot and crack a window to self awareness in a moment where we may be nervous or under pressure when engaging with others. 

A question as simple as:  Would I still be curious if that person could not help me? Then if the answer is yes, we are not networking, we are Net-learning.

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Transcript

Today I was gonna talk to you about networking and the genuine pulse. But to be honest with you, I don't know how much reflection and intellect I can bring to you today. I'm not actually inspired to record.  I wanted to record today and talk about this as I've been announcing on Instagram for a few days now, and I'm gonna try, but I can't make any promises that it's gonna be as deep as I initially envisioned. 

Because I don't know if that would be correct or or appropriate to actually vent on my own podcast and in this episode, because that's actually what I feel like doing today. But at the same time, I'm thinking, nobody vents, you know. I mean, if you're a podcaster or you're exposed out there, right? Like nowadays, we're all supposed to be these like gurus and and and preach, right? (cough, cough)

And and we have to be put together all the time. So which one am I gonna choose? And I don't I don't think um I could have recorded it another day. I think I prefer to be consistent and genuine, especially since I'm talking about genuinity too in this episode.  Even if I don't feel in my best  cognitive moment, let's say, because it's been um a very busy two months. 

I mean it's been more than a year that I've been here in Madrid. When I'm like okay, I have almost almost everything under control, you know. I just got a letter yesterday saying that there had been an error on my registration as a citizen in the city and that they were gonna remove me from the from the census, and I may have to go and present a ton of paperwork in a sort of core hearing. Um and you know, um to to fix that, and I'm like, I dude, I'm I'm just coming back to my my home country. How difficult could this have been? 

And the truth is that since I moved back, um it's been two full years now, and I've encountered encountered problems since since day one, really, on paperwork, logistics, and when you think, okay, finally, no, it's not.  I think that since I've been an expat for so long, I don't know, maybe it's never gonna get easy because you already have that sort of identity or logistic challenge to move around the world, right, and not be long enough in just one single place. 

But uh it's fine, I can I can solve this. And I'm sure I can fix all the paperwork before I need to go to any hearings. Although, to be honest with you, it wouldn't be the first time. It was worse. I had to go once to to the US when I was barely speaking English, but that must be a story for another podcast. 

Okay, I am really venting.

I didn't want to be performative to be honest with you, and I'm still gonna try to talk about networking because I really truly wanted to express at least some thoughts. Um, even though I might not go as deep as I thought, but I'm gonna get to it um in a second. I think it's important to share experiences because um I think that a lot of um of you guys that uh have messaged me sometimes or that the audience that I seem to have, I think it's all like creative and that is like a high volume of expats too, that could probably relate to this this type of life uh challenges or uh life transitions or career transitions and and the logistics that that go behind it too, that don't make it any easy. 

Also, since I moved to Spain, I've been catching colds and all the viruses that I haven't gotten in the last uh 15 years, and now I'm like the perfect host. It's like yes, hell yeah, this girl just came back. Let's let's visit her over and over all the different uh varieties and type of viruses. That's uh a new host here. So I haven't gotten a cold in LA in 10 years, and and here in Spain is like, whoa. Um, I'm not sure if it's because yeah, I it's right. I'm like uh in contact with new strains and viruses here, but also the high level of socialization here in Spain is something completely insane if we compare it to what it would be, right, in in the United States most of the time. 

But that said, it's also been very intense in terms of like really good things happening too over the last two months, like really great news, career-wise, work-wise. I also enjoyed very much um giving classes to uh my students uh back in in Barcelona at Lidham School. I love, love, love um the time that I spent there. And and so a lot of things have moved along, and uh so there was a balance between between grade and and the you know, little challenges in the end, these are just little challenges. 

But to be honest with you, today I'm a little exhausted, and there is also a party going on in my neighbor's house. So if you hear music noise, uh load like um loud stuff, um that's them, which I'm telling you was not the best night to record. 

I still wanna do it, and yes, I'll probably be mixing some words and messing up some words because when I'm tired I also uh change words or mispronounce words, especially because I'm still not super comfortable recording a podcast or doing podcasting. It's very different. Um, it's a very different skill set, and uh it just um it feels very different, let's say, than being in front of people, whether it's in a stage, in a class, in a meeting. It it feels like day and night for me. 

So that said, let's see what we can come up with today about uh networking. I wanted to talk about networking, really, because recently I had a couple of folks right reaching out and and see if uh to network. 

And every time that this topic comes up, I always have someone concerned, extremely worried, uh saying:

"I hate networking because networking feels so fake"

And I'm surprised that this sentence, in all forms of networking that I've done or I've been to like networking environments over the years, it's probably one of the most frequent sentences that I hear when people speak about this topic.  It's worth to wonder why. 

Why is that? 

And when somebody says that, okay, I don't think they are actually uh bad or terrified at networking at all. I actually think that the internal alarm is working, we're just not reading it properly. Because if it does feel fake, it's a red flag. 

So we usually  stop here, but we should keep questioning why does it feel fake? It shouldn't, okay, but maybe it's it's someone else that I should be speaking to that actually doesn't feel fake and I'm like genuinely excited about. 

I feel like when an interaction is forced, our body knows instantly. And if there is no real intention, then I think that the body is when it gets nervous and shows resistance, right? I mean, how many things our body knows before our brain does? And I feel like this is just one more. And that's why I wanted to introduce today some thinking around this idea, and I'm not gonna extend much on it, but I feel like it could help uh so many of us to bring back intention and self-awareness, and it could be like a mental system to snap out of autopilot and create a crack for some critical thinking to sneak in. 

I call it the genuinous pulse, and it's just something super simple. 

Imagine that you are about to reach out to someone, whether it's online or in person, or you are about to engage with someone, it's just as simple as asking ourselves:

Would I still be curious if this person couldn't help me? 

If the answer is yes,  it's not that we are networking, we're actually practicing Net- learning in its purest form.  I developed this concept to name skill sets and to make justice to the learning experience of human connection and to provide a different take or view in the world of connection in a professional environment. So when the main reason and the main drive is learning, we are Net-learning. And so connecting to enjoy a conversation, right? 

To learn from a conversation or from someone, to seek those conversations that could also literally change the course of one's career. Um that's what I refer to. And we should be having more of this. I think that in the last few years, society uh has uh kind of removed that reaching out to people to hear like for the sake of hearing stories, for the sake of seeking meaning together, right? To stimulate creativity, these spaces moments seem so minimized that uh everything is reduced to a transaction or like the pure networking, and that's why I wanted to at least launch this episode to reflect about this because I'm gonna be talking much more in deeper layers. I'm not sure in which medium. 

I wanted to introduce that concept because I feel like it's urgent and it really makes a difference in one's develop, uh development and one's career, right? And also it's worth to say that when I reflect about seeking genuine connection, okay, here I'm not speaking in a context of uh, let's say a corporate environment or a business where where we sometimes need to establish relationships or connections that otherwise we wouldn't we wouldn't.  

I'm talking in a context of relationships that uh that we can choose. Okay, not as much as relationships that need to go by job description or that require some sort of business slash sales intention. 

Even though, to be honest with you, I still refuse the idea, even in this case scenarios, to see people as numbers, transactions, objects to be manipulated that we must win in. Like, believe it or not, that's still something like that's taught nowadays, even if even in international bestsellers. 

So  then, wouldn't it be just as simple as speaking to someone who we are genuinely excited about, right? Like let's bring back curiosity to life. I refuse to believe that in our current system, society curiosity is dying that much. Um you know, like bringing back the hunger of stories, hearing about different backgrounds. I don't want to believe that's extinct. Um, or you know, maybe just that sometimes the autopilot is winning, and that's why it's important to have this kind of pedagogical thought process or tools so we can bring back um critical thinking. Now, for those who might think that this is a little bit of an idealistic approach, like um, also many people actually ask me, right? 

But what if I do actually need something? 

A job, an opportunity, an internship, and I would say that is totally fine. 

There is nothing wrong with it. And I tell my students all the time, too, over and over, like, I'm not canceling networking at all. 

Actually, networking is necessary, and and when it's done intentionally, with clarity and respect, it can work totally. The problem is not networking, the problem is pretending that there is not an agenda when there is one. Because transparency and genuineness, amongst other factors, is what builds trust. 

Transparency goes a long way, I would say, if I had to like really emphasize something, and if we need to network, we network, we network. But if we truly want to just learn, engage with people, and hear out stories, then we do Net- learning. 

We can combine both, and honestly, even when we are seeking an opportunity or something that's like a little bit more targeted,  a good crafted message that's intentional and respectful of the other person, goes a long way, and people are willing to help for most of the time if there is transparency. Right? 

I had, for example, people reaching out to me, making me believe that they are interested in something of my background, but they just want me to read their resume. That that's ugly. Like, you know, nobody likes that. It's like if there is something truly about somebody's background that excites you, you wanna learn more of, and exchange views, perspective, or experiences, that's fantastic. You know, that's like what we should be actually doing. That's the it this this kind of natural human learning and and curiosity, usually consequently, it turns organically to networking, so you really never need to network. 

And that has been for most part what I experienced in my career and what many people around me in my community with similar styles also did experience. But networking well done, like transparent, respectful, and respectfully, and still like being well informed of the person and and um the context and the reason why you are reaching out, that goes a long way too. 

It it does work, but there needs to be more thought process than we generally put in, because honestly, we live in a in a day-by-day that it's very difficult to um let in time to think, especially on social environments or relationships or building connections where we sometimes think that we sometimes think that this happens magically, but this is a whole world that's also full of skill sets that so many people and the system made us take for granted and believe that we don't need to exercise, that they just come naturally by the full moon, and we don't need to really exercise.

I'm gonna make make it a mission a mission to debunk that and really break down the skill sets that are really at play when we do interact with people and want to create those connections, especially in a professional context. But for now, I was thinking about I wanted to share another like story or anecdote um of past experiences, but I think for today it's enough. I'm gonna save the stories for another episode. Um I'm gonna leave it here then for today. 

Thank you so very much for listening, for being here one more episode of Creative Career Thinking. I'm gonna focus the next days on trying to sort out uh this mess. And um I'll see you in the next one. If you have any notes, curiosities, comments, don't forget to message me in my Instagram account of Creative Career Thinking. Okay, bye!