Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
“Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox" is a hilarious and insightful podcast that takes you on a wild ride through the mind of comedian Bobby Jaycox. With his unique perspective as a comedian with ADHD, Bobby shares his unfiltered thoughts, stories, and experiences in a way that will leave you laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Join Bobby and his guests as they navigate the chaos of everyday life, discussing everything from relationships and pop culture to mental health and personal growth. Get ready for a rollercoaster of laughter, relatability, and a whole lot of discombobulation. Tune in now to experience the world through the eyes of a comedian with ADHD.
Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
#56 Long Armpit Hair | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
Ever wondered what it's really like to live out of your car while managing a podcast solo? In this rollercoaster episode of "Discombobulated," I recount the chaos and hilarity of my recent hiatus, including some gut-busting anecdotes from upcoming tour dates in Louisville, Tulsa, Buffalo, Tacoma, Raleigh, and beyond. From the absurdity of running an LLC to the yearning for financial security, this episode is packed with both humor and heartfelt reflections on the incongruity between outward happiness and inner struggles.
Join me as I unravel the madness of touring with the legendary comedian Tatum Cactus, affectionately known as Todd. Hear about the joys of performing, the hilarity of selling merch, and the mortifying realization of long armpit hair. Ever slept in a car or used a truck stop bathroom? I have, and it's as unglamorous as it sounds. There's even a tangent on getting a haircut from two stylists at once—trust me, it leads to some surprisingly deep reflections on intimacy and humor.
To top it off, we revisit the past with a nostalgic challenge for unique "Would You Rather" questions and reminisce about childhood gaming days, mistaken identities at concerts, and the unexpected charm of being a Math Club president. And let's not forget, there's a special nod to my favorite band, Story of the Year, and some intriguing insights into the less glamorous side of life on the road with comedy friends. Don't miss out on this chaotic yet entertaining storytelling adventure, complete with upcoming shows that promise a blast!
Boom. Welcome back to Discombobulated.
Speaker 2:How are you doing with your life?
Speaker 1:I'm doing good.
Speaker 2:And I know, bobby, you haven't posted an episode in a while. Wow, you're one of 18 people who has asked that question. You're one of seven people, if I'm being honest. Honest, I think some of them are me listening to it. Bobby, why haven't you uploaded episodes? Well, I've been living in my car.
Speaker 1:Can you spell car? That's right, I sleep in that. Even worse, I slept in a loaner car. Can you spell piece of shit? Oh, we're having fun today good to be back.
Speaker 2:We're coming, we're coming to you live from austin, but it's not live, so fucking bleep that out. You know what Fucking upcoming dates? Come see me at Zany's the lab on October 1st. I am doing Nate Land Presents and we're filming it and it's a clean set, so I'm going to be fucking clean, so please come and watch that show.
Speaker 2:I am currently on the road with Tatum, my dude, cactus Tate, one of my new best friends, and you can see us on the road and we are coming to all of these places. We are coming to Louisville, kentucky, louisville. We're coming to Louisville. We're coming to Tulsa, oklahoma. We're coming to Oklahoma City, oklahoma.
Speaker 1:We're coming to Buffalo.
Speaker 2:New York. Can you gamble there? We will Tacoma Washington, spokane Washington, alpharetta.
Speaker 1:Georgia.
Speaker 2:Raleigh, north Carolina, columbus, ohio.
Speaker 1:Perryburg Ohio, dayton Ohio.
Speaker 2:Chicago, ohio, just kidding. Illinois, manchester, connecticut, that's got to be Connecticut, it can't be the other. Okay, it can't be the Europe, right, europe. Then we're going to Philly. You got to come to Philly. It's where I shot my special and I had a lot of fun. And come to Richmond Virginia, virginia Beach, virginia, and that's not all. Come see us at Richmond Virginia, virginia Beach, virginia, and that's not all. Come see us at Houston, texas, dana Beach, florida and Chandler, arizona. Tickets on sale now and kid seats are still just $10. Just kidding.
Speaker 1:Your kids cannot come to the shows.
Speaker 2:Did I do it or did I just say it? And it's still going because I didn't have time to edit the upcoming dates in there, or when I was editing, for some reason I put in the beginning or for some reason, at the top of the show. You talk about your problems and where you live and your and how you edit your podcast, because people think that there's a huge fucking. I know you guys think that there's 14 people that work for my, that work for this, this business. Yeah, there's an LLC. I have no fucking idea how to use it. I have no fuck. You have an LLC. Oh, okay, cool. Did it come with fucking 10 grand?
Speaker 1:You got 10 grand on top of that buddy.
Speaker 2:you got 10 grand on top of that, buddy god, what I would do for fucking half a mil or something, you know, fuck, but I don't get those kind of opportunities. You know, no one, no one, no one sees bob and goes, hey, let's up that credit score. We're just going down, down, down down and sorry, this episode sounds. Oh, did that fucking AC turn back on episode sounds. Oh, did that fucking ac turn back on? Pause.
Speaker 2:But I definitely know I probably won't edit this part, but pause, keep your, okay. You know what, while I'm gone, you keep yourselves entertained. Okay, I'm gonna set the microphone down. I hope it doesn't make the fucking worst sound ever, because where would I set it and stay out? Fan sound. Yeah, I know I don't run this podcast. I know I run this podcast by myself. Is what I was trying to say. I do run the podcast by myself and I do run this apartment. Yeah, I know, I look like I get a lot of things curated for me and people offer me half a mil for things. People want to be a millionaire, can I? I want to be a half a millionaire really soon. I want to be a half a millionaire.
Speaker 1:Really soon, please.
Speaker 2:Why can't we do that? Kids get it when they do that and adults are like okay. So why can't we just be like you, go to the bank and be like please but I would, I would have wanted why? Because I, because I'm following my dreams. Okay, let me. Okay, let me see if I can do something. Why? Because I'm following my dreams. Okay, let me see if I can do something. Hmm, well, it says here your dreams are stupid as fuck. You think you might be one of the funniest people.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I'm trying.
Speaker 2:It says you have 18 people that watch your podcast and it's like an average and it actually says that that's a high average for me, hey shut up person.
Speaker 2:I made up at the brink. What the fuck are we talking about? That's the name of the pod. If you have an expectation when listening to this fucking podcast, fucking get absolutely flying fucked. Where's my coffee? Found it. But I'm actually doing really good. I do, I am. What's weird is I feel like whenever, uh, I'll always kind of talk the same and it's always like that, but it's uh, I guess people can never tell if you're actually happy or not. I don't know what I'm talking about. Um, I just do that a lot. I do that quite a lot. I'll be like, yeah, I'm pretty good. And then they're like you just told me you slept in your car. I'm like shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up. Stop listening to me so well, and then at other times not listening at all. All right, anyway, what am I going to move on to? More of nothing. That's the pod and we're having fun with it. Yeah, I have a Patreon. People are on it Because they fucking forgot they signed up.
Speaker 2:Hi Did you sign up for my podcast and how do you know? Because sometimes I'll message them on that thing and they'll be like Well, anyway we'll talk about what's been going on, bob. Talk about things that are outside of you know cause, like dude, you know, I think the I think the last time I checked in with you I was in Nashville, tennessee. I think that's the last episode, unless I upload some fucking different one here. Ooh, someone's calling me and if that's making my fucking podcast stop why would it do that?
Speaker 1:Why I'm going to take a fucking call while I'm fucking recording. I thought I put it on fucking airplane mode.
Speaker 2:Does airplane mean calls? No, I don't know, it's actually cellular. Shut the fuck up everybody. But I was in Nashville with my friend.
Speaker 2:Tara and uh had so much fun catching up with her um, and the episode was great. But I will always say this there's always, it's just how it has to be. I think you can't ever capture um it all because we were. When we got to her house it was me, her and her husband. I don't think they're married yet, but her fiance they're. They've been together for so her lover is that fucking creepy enough. All these fucking terms, all these fucking motherfucking terms. But, um, we were at their house and fucking god damn, if it wasn't like when we first got over there we were just like laughing immediately, like I almost wanna, I almost should start doing the podcast, like that Fucking just sitting down, cause it's always good, but it always it just feels like. It just feels like if you were in the middle of a conversation With a real person and then someone was like and now we're recording and you're like. Then they're like, no, keep going. And you're like, okay, like, cause I feel that way.
Speaker 2:I'm sure she felt that I had started recording a different episode of this right here and just stopped it Cause I felt I, everything I was saying, felt wrong. It's hard to fucking record yourself and feel normal, but we are in Austin, went from Nashville and then I've been on tour with Tatum Cactus. Tate Tatum, my dude. I call her fucking Todd when she's acting like a Todd, but we do have so much fun on the road I don't. We've done about a third of the tour dates and I will say I'm pretty spoiled. Pretty spoiled Because normally when you go on the road with a comedian it's the absolute best and you get paid to follow your dreams. And then sometimes you get fucking busted through the stratosphere because the comedian you're going on the road with makes sure you're taken extra care of, make sure you're paid well, make sure you can sell merch, make sure that if there's a cute girl she's like.
Speaker 2:Which one's cute and I'm like stop but then we have so much fucking fun and she'll sometimes like, even when I raised my arm, just I was like, fuck, I hope you can't see my long armpit hair, because she made me realize I have long armpit hair. A couple people fucking said it, but it's not my fucking fault, I don't know. I'm going to trim my armpit, I'm going to go to Supercuts, I'm going to Great Clips, I'm going into Sports Cuts for Men or whatever, where you like, sit there and watch and a girl's like wait.
Speaker 2:I would go to one if they had like the X games, If it was like the X games and, uh, two girls cutting your hair at once uh two chicks at the same time.
Speaker 2:Good my hair. Oh my God, they're scissoring Dude. Two chicks cutting your hair is cutting my hair. Oh my God, they're scissoring Dude. Two chicks cutting your hair is the coolest scissoring. You're just like fuck, put this on. Fucking the chive. You remember that? Is that still going on? The chive was just like check out this hot girl I found. And you're like what are you stupid? This is the hot girl I found. So I'm on the road to tatum and we're having the best time. She makes me think I have long armpit hair, but we have so much fun it's easy. She likes to drive more than fly, which, I'll be honest, I haven't done a lot of driving lately. So I'm I uh, but that's how spoiled I am. I can't believe I said that I'm like I want to fly again. That's fucking spoiled. Bob, chill out. I know you still sometimes sleep in your car and people aren't happy about that, I know, because they're like Bobby, you don't have an apartment. No, for a second. I had two.
Speaker 1:What the fuck.
Speaker 2:Two apartments and my dream is to get scissored by two girls cutting my hair. It's the worst haircut you've ever got, but you don't care. Why does your haircut look that bad? He went to two chicks fucking scissoring. Having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card. Having fun isn't hard if you try to scissor real hard. Never done it. I've never scissored as a guy. I have tried to is something.
Speaker 2:If you're having sex with a lady, it's my bill Burr saying lady, lady you, lady but if you sometimes, if you're having sex, then you're straight and you're cool, you want to try some stuff and sometimes you'll like try to like see like how fucking far you can like lean back because it's like you know. So it's like they're laying back and you want to be like let's see how fucking dark and let's go this way, so it's like we'll get that close to scissor. You kind of do this and then, like they move it all. You're like please don't, it's not that big, it'll come right out and fucking. Then we got a fucking repack again.
Speaker 1:I.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Great, we gotta repack. We gotta fucking pack this dick up again. Makes me so down, down, down down. But no, I have long armpit hair.
Speaker 2:I've been on the road. I've finally been sleeping in hotels, because people find out if you're sleeping in your car and they fucking freak out. It's, it's nice, terrible for your. You gotta get a lot of oil changes and you kind of always feel like you're not supposed to be wherever you are, even if it's the safest area. And, man, it does suck when you wake up in a car and you're like where am I? Oh, my car. Oh, look, I gotta pee, like right now. I'll try to fucking get out real quick before you piss your pants. Oh, please, please, be open. This place. I'm going, um, I'll go into a gas station. Fucking took a shit, unless someone's man.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you what these fucking loves I. I had like there was like a moment where I was like, damn, these are pretty cool, they're everywhere. I like the heart. You, all of a sudden you see the heart in the sky and you're like here we go. But I'll tell you what the worst shit I've ever smelled, not even close, not even I'm talking about all animals, anything that smells like shit, driving through an area of cows that are shitting. The worst shit I've ever smelled in my fucking absolute life was at a Love's gas station. By leaps and bounds.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like dude, I walked into a loves and I feel like it started to smell whenever you you saw like all the like trucker merch. It's like they keep the trucker merch right by the shitters. I didn't set it up and so you walk in and you go in there and as soon as I like walk past the merch, I like breathe in and I was like, oh, something's wrong. It was like you just kind of felt like that. Like it smelled like the beginning of a thing where you just want to be like is everyone okay in here? Like, and I came and I just started walking and I I mean I did.
Speaker 2:I walked into the fucking bathroom and I breathed in and I just like, like sometimes my nose does those candles too. I tried to breathe in and my nose just goes. It looked at that guy and he's like you got to hit the button. He's like are you sure we need to breathe? He's like get the fucking button. And I fucking slapped that button and I stopped breathing and dude, I turned around and it was just like I hopefully I had to piss. I can stopped breathing and, dude, I turned around and it was just like I hopefully I had to piss.
Speaker 2:I can't. I can't remember what I did, but I do remember it was the worst. I sincerely can't remember anything else because once you walk back out into a loves because they're all the same you kind of like stop making memories. You can only make like specific memories that are like slightly different than the setups of other memories. What the fuck is that called? Like when you go to a walmart a lot, it's like. You remember that one time at Walmart. It's like who the fuck talks like that. You remember that one time at a Love's when you were taking that shit. Yeah, I try to forget.
Speaker 1:I try to forget that shit. I try to forget that shit. I took that shit I took at the Love's gas station. The shit that I took at the Love's gas station, the shit that I took at the Love's gas station, I whipped out my dick. Didn't even need it, because I sat down and looked at my shit.
Speaker 2:I pee a little shit mostly.
Speaker 1:He can do it all. Folks Sing shit, shit again. Take a shit, take a shit, take a shit, take a shit, have a show.
Speaker 2:I just be shitting and doing shows. God, I've been having so much fun, yeah, and yeah, like. Yeah, like I said, I do want to talk more and we were going to do episodes on the road, but we did a lot of traveling and having fun and some of the schedule got moved around. So, yeah, we were on the road, but, fuck, if it's not easy and we have so much fun, like, uh, dude, when we were in colorado springs, we went to the zoo, uh, and uh, my friend maggie came. I've known maggie for so fucking long.
Speaker 2:She got to come and what, the only thing that sucked is, uh, tatum was supposed to have, like her, a lot of her family come. And so I asked I was like, well, hey, what's like? I was like I don't mind hanging out your family, but I probably will dip while you guys go to the zoo. And she's like, no, you have to come to the zoo. And I was like, what if I talk to you Like, but, um, no, that's it, that's the features you know, is the feature you know, uh, opening for her? I have a couple of things I have to do and she makes me do nothing and, if anything, she overpays me she, you know, I mean, but I'm worth so much, half a million dollars, I'll tell you that. And uh, so we were just, we were just having so much fucking fun on the road and she was going to have her family come and then her part of her family couldn't come, and then I was like no, and that was the.
Speaker 2:That was like her husband and her kid and I was like I fucking really want them to come, they're fun. And then they were going to have her sister and that side of the family come, but then they couldn't come, which I cared, I didn't give a flying fuck about it. I'll be honest, I'm trying to be more honest as I get older and I love her husband, but her daughter her daughter loves me Makes me go. We have to go pick flowers. We ride fuck it. Well, she rides bikes. I have to like make sure she doesn't fall because she goes. She went down this hill and she's like I'm scared, can you help me? I was like for sure. So I helped her. And then she got to this other hill, her dipshits and fucking peddled so hard and dave started running and had to like catch her kid from like losing both of her fucking eyes going into the woods. But what I do like is that, uh, her parents are kind of like let her like. Yeah, she's supposed to like like because, like we were like when we and her were like playing, she was like she almost fell and I was like whoa and I did that thing where, like I extra tried to catch a kid. You know what I mean. Mean, like I'm like, am I Spider-Man? And she was like what are you doing? And I was like I was just trying to catch her. She's like she's not even she. Yeah, she falls all the time. She's like she's supposed to fall. Like I'm like, fuck, you're right, that is how a kid's supposed to be my. And then they're like let's buy you a dirt bike and then you'd go to ride it. And they're like stop, you're like what you ever been on a dirt bike? And they're like you're not supposed to ride that. You're like the dirt bike, my dirt bike. But you're so respectful, you're like okay, so sometimes I would just come out and I would just like look at my dirt bike. Sometimes, honestly, like people are like when did you lose your virginity? It was definitely the first time I was sitting on a dirt bike. Just the truth. You know, I feel like the first time I sat on my PW80, that was a pretty cool one, but the first time I had a KX80. I feel like the first time I sat on that I was like this is my girlfriend, so. But my parents were always like yeah, you got to be careful, because I also was like a fucking.
Speaker 2:I was a monster. I broke all my bones. I fucking all of that I broke. I got hurt all the time. I broke this bone. I broke my leg wrestling. I broke this bone. I broke my leg wrestling. I broke my fucking wrist falling out of a tree. I don't even remember this, but when I was a little kid, apparently I broke one of my fingers bowling and I go, I wasn't making memories and you were letting me bowl. Who gives a kid a bowling ball before they're cognizant, before they're fucking all there?
Speaker 1:Hi, this is our son.
Speaker 2:He doesn't really know how to spell his name, yet He'll take a 12-pound ball. Why the heaviest ball? Well, because we just put his fist in one of the holes and then he fucking slings it down. He's actually incredible. Your son just broke his finger.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, when I broke my finger at the bowling alley, dude, there had to be people around that were like, yeah, no, fucking shit, are they fucking stupid? Maybe? Sorry, I got to be careful drinking this coffee because I spun it one way and the lid's like not aligned and if you, it's like an unlocked character of like, but all of a sudden you're just like makes you play with it, though. You're like, oh, okay, I guess I'm playing with. Okay, I'm playing with the Slim Jim guy. You remember the Slim Jim guy? You get him on Dave Mirror. You fucking do pretty good. You're like, you get to fucking play with the Slim Jim guy doing fucking tail whips.
Speaker 2:I can't remember if it had a backflip, those early games you had to like before there was like a backflip button or it's like. Or you would do the backflip, you'd have to like trick the video game. Do you remember that way? I think that was like, because video games, like, everyone has like the games they came up with or whatever. And for me that was like the most fun I ever remember playing video games.
Speaker 2:Like I see memes about like atv, off-road fury. They're like you know, when you reach the end, you like you reach the edge of the map and it literally fucking it full. It felt like probably what they thought when we went into space for the first time. You're like you think God's going to like throw us just fucking right back down. Maybe we're not supposed to go up there. He's going to be like what the fuck? And people are like he God might not even be real, but it might be a man, woman, might be they. And I'm like yeah for sure. But I'll tell you this I have a whole bit about it and it's my bit, and God is fucking gay. I don't care, that's mine. I've never even heard another person. Yeah, no, kurt Cobain wrote it on a fucking piece of chalk or something, or with chalk or something one time, I think. But but that was like the best part of the game, as you would try Like there were certain games you'd be like like I remember cause you'd play it and eventually like you'd be like you'd play with your buddies or whatever, but like I really wasn't.
Speaker 2:I just wasn't competitive and maybe that's cause I'm not good at stuff. I don't fuck, that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm saying I'm not competitive. Does that make sense? That's not the game I want to play. When we're playing a game, I will do that and it's fun a couple times, but after a while it's like okay, you're obviously better at this game than me. Do you want to build a huge ramp in the Create-A-Park area and see if you can't? I think if you just keep pulling and you get enough space, you will land the backflip and then you'd get it. And I'd look over and the guy who I was friends with was like asleep and I'm like fuck.
Speaker 1:No one will ever believe me.
Speaker 2:The game actually has screen record. Shut the fuck up. Nerd and I'm not being mean, I was a nerd. I was Mass Club president, bitch. So I can say nerd or whatever Because I was the Mass Club. How did you become Mass Club president? I fucking don't know. I was very, very what's that word? When you're like, when you're good at being around people charismatic, isn't that crazy? I was the president of fucking math club. Did they not teach you about credit scores, bob? Yeah, they didn't teach me that kind of math.
Speaker 2:I want to do one of my buddy's bits, but I don't want to. It's so good and it's not out or whatever and I don't want to ruin that for him, but it's such a good bit about math at school. Love you, aaron Porter. Yeah, go ask him what the joke is. Go message him if you're listening to this fucking podcast, because he's a cool guy. He was in Canada. He was in Canada. Saw someone with the Story of the Year t-shirt on. Who's that? My favorite, if you don't, it's fucking. My favorite fucking band. Get with it. I only talk about them every episode. So my favorite band Story of the Year. These people had a story of the year show on a concert and so my buddy, erin portland, is a lovely girlfriend. God, she's so sweet. They walk up to these people and they were like, hey, story of the year, that's awesome, like we're from st louis. And the guy was like, shut up, no way. They're. Like yeah, and then this guy asked he goes do you know cocaine?
Speaker 2:bobby. I was like are you fucking shitting me?
Speaker 1:Are you shitting, fucking me? Hell yeah, dude.
Speaker 2:Made me feel fucking pretty good the fact that he remembered me. He's like oh, I know a story of the year. Do you know the guy from the music video?
Speaker 1:No one ever asked about the guy from the music videos.
Speaker 2:They asked about the girls from the music videos and I kind of look like a girl from behind Been in a strip club, had someone behind me. They were hitting on my friend Her girlfriend was with me being like. This happened a long time, which is also cool. When you happened a long time Like that which is also cool when you have a partner that gets hit on and you're like used to it, you're just like, yeah, they don't, they don't, they just are being a person and at the end, if they like try to kiss something, like stop it. So they were talking and these guys were like and I turned around and they just, I swear to God, they didn't speak very good. They were like we thought you was a woman. They literally couldn't. They were like what? They just couldn't believe that when I turned around that I was a guy. Sorry to disappoint, because I also got a dunkaroo, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Tatum told me that on the road she goes, just so you know. We were going upstairs and she's like didn't know you had a butt and I go, I know. And then when I played football, they didn't know I had a butt either. And then one of the cheerleaders was like 82 has a nice butt. That was my number, I was a wide receiver a little bit kind of, and she was like 82 has a nice butt. And then I turned and she's like that's Bobby. I was like because I didn't know that that wasn't that.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that I didn't know that they would be so shocked that I got a Dunkarino, that I got a butt filled with booty.
Speaker 2:Who can say where the road goes, anyway? Anyway, I've been talking about so much. I've been talking about going on the road with a fucking, with tatum, the absolute best. You have to come see us on the road. You have to like. I already got a couple cities.
Speaker 2:I've kind of messaged some people that I haven't seen in a while, that you know some buddies and if you're like you, message me. You're probably a comic fucking and I would love to see you. But I'm talking about human beings, not psychopaths. They'd give you the worst would you rathers ever. It's like would you rather? Would you rather eat your mom whole or you got a shit on the president? You know it's like, you're like what it's gonna be on my tv. Like I am, I will tell you this I'm the fucking best at would you rather Because I'll give you something fucking wild that will make you think, and when we're in the moment it's good, for the moment we're in, it's very specific to you probably Give you a great.
Speaker 2:Would you rather? Message me, I'll give you a fucking. Would you rather? No, I don't know you, but no, but I rather no, I don't know you but no, but if I'll give you, you, give you give someone here's I give someone a good, would you rather you just ask them something like crazy, and it does have to be worth. You can't just be one where they're like eat shit forever, die. It's not how you play the game. It's not how you play the game. You got to give them something crazy that literally makes them go, and then they're always going to do this. Here's the thing. No one's perfect. No one knows how to fucking play the game right, and everyone kind of like freaks out and they're like but okay, well, because they think it's like, they think I'm gonna turn into a genie and be like haha, you chose, eat your mother now you have to eat your mother he's like no, I meant fucking shit on the present like but they always ask the first question and I always answer it in a way that like builds trust.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Like they'll be like, okay, but if I, but if I shit on the president, am I going to get shot? Okay, okay, listen, no, you will. You, it's like a it's you'll just. Everyone will know you did, yeah, you don't thing. That happens to you can't be worse than the thing you're asking. That's how you fucking play. Would you rather like? You can't be like yeah, then I'd go to prison and people are like oh yeah, that's a pretty dumb, you have to be like no, but everyone would hate you, you know. I mean, they'd be like like half the country would not like you. That would be crazy if someone was like in an airplane and pooped on the president.
Speaker 2:I'm not condoning violence. I'm not condoning anything. I'm not even saying any specific president, because I fucking don't. Do I look like a guy who knows about politics? Do I look like a guy with a political plan? I'm just a guy chasing cars and they all break down and I wouldn't know what to do with a guy that ran well Gun to my head and I am wearing a shirt that says dell close for president. I do look. I look like a guy that goes to a rally and is like when's it get fun. I don't care which rally I go to, I'm like when's it get fun where's the tailgate, president?
Speaker 2:president but if someone pooped on the president, that would be, that would be so fucking, because I don't think that's not like. You know what I mean, how people are like you can't yell fire in a theater. Why is that the one everyone always says? Because, I'll be honest, 100% you would get away with it. And I'm not condoning that, I'm not saying that or whatever. I just feel like there's a kid that's done, that, that's been like fire.
Speaker 2:And then watch the rest of fucking alien, which we did go see the other day, but then Tatum kept getting fucking phone calls from her sister and so we kept going outside and here's the thing she told me to stay inside. I was being nice because I wanted to make sure everything was okay, because we like plans had changed, we had to like figure out a bunch of stuff, but I was just like fire. You know so. But why is that always the one? But if you, yeah, if you were just like, if you were, if there was just like you know, there was like a debate, because that would be the thing, do it at the debate, because you, that would be kind of a safe thing too, because then if you miss, then you're like fuck, I pooped on the person I didn't mean to poop on. Then you have to explain the rest of your life like I didn't mean to poop on him. So, like one of those fucking you know that thing where you're doing a push-up on, you're doing like a push-up on, like a pull-up bar, like that, that bar that's like a triangle, and then you have that, uh, it's like a kite that's over the top of you, like the thing that someone's like yeah, I'm gonna fly with that. And then someone goes all right, the dumbest thing, like.
Speaker 2:Whenever I see those I always think what was that movie? Like fly away home, or like the geese go atnight, or whatever that movie was. I swear to I fucking, this is going to sound queer, this is going to sound queer and in the classic way. But dude, I swear to God, when I was a kid, I fucking you know how they say. There's like the Berenstain Berenstain Bear thing. When I was a kid, there was a movie with the guy who played in Dumb and Dumber. That wasn't Jim Carrey. Why can't I think of his name in an episode Jeff Daniels. Jeff Daniels, he's like the dad of this girl and he's like you can't be friends with geese and she's like but I'm gonna or whatever, and she's like they don't even know where the hell they're going?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I can't remember the plot, never saw the movie, but it those previews. So when you were, when I was younger, we would have vhs's and at the beginning you'd have to like watch all the previews for like coming soon to videocassette. She's a dancer, but she broke every bone in her body. Pocahontas to the electric boogaloo. I don't. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Um, so, um are we recording?
Speaker 2:okay, good, um, you'd watch like the whole beginning of a fucking uh, you know whatever that is, you know what. You would watch the beginning and it'd be previews and and I swear to god, fly away home what it was like coming soon. And I remember I saw it in the store and it was called something else. If that's, if anyone else, if that resonates and you can find that I'll fucking be like thank god, because there's a couple things from my childhood that have never been solved that I want solved, so fucking bad. That's one of them. The other one is I had the dude.
Speaker 2:I had a fucking legit coin, like a two-face fucking coin. That was like one side was all scratched up and the other side was like not, you know, two-face. And I fucking loved batman when I was a kid. Still, you know, still do who doesn't? I'm an adult and we live in this kind of world where you're allowed to it's whatever. It's like not a batman. I got the fucking two-face thing. Then, I swear to god, I couldn't find it one day and I like asked my parents and I I was like where?
Speaker 2:were you yesterday, whenever I was flipping that coin and they're like I was drinking in front of you, I was crying over here, and then we went and yelled in the other room and you're asking where a coin is, and so there was like, but I had it and I could never find it. And I even remember I swear to they're in my room where I had carpet. We had a. I lived in the 90s, our whole house was carpet. You'd go to take a shit and it was like on carpet and the carpet would flush and then like new carpet would come up and uh, so the uh coin I was. I remember there was like this place because I would try to hide stuff there sometimes and I can't remember what I hid there one time, but I remember I'd go to pull it up and it kind of hurt because there was like fucking like uh staples. I went to like being a kid explaining like there's little shop things, but I remember pulling it back and like I tore the carpet up and I would put stuff under there and then I put the carpet back down and I thought I put the coin there one time and I remember I even kept pulling it back Like did I push it too far but I never found it again. So that one I want to find.
Speaker 2:And is the movie? Was it called Fly Away Home? Is it? Was it called something different? When you watched I feel like it was. For what movie? Indian in the Cupboard.
Speaker 1:Indian in the Cupboard. They're just plastic toys. No, they're just plastic. They're plastic people Toys. They're plastic, completely plastic.
Speaker 2:Plastic. Make a fucking circle. They're plastic. Make a fucking plastic pit. Um, if you've never seen indian cupboard, that's me and my buddy. My buddy devin would always do that impression. Like there are certain things that like you're, you and your buddies, that don't make sense. Duh, that like, but it really doesn't even make sense, like even you're when you're doing it, like why are we doing this? We're just quoting a movie and my buddy devin uh, I feel like it was. I feel like he would say it a lot and I feel like briggs would say it a lot too.
Speaker 2:Me and briggs had a lot of quotes, but I feel like my buddy devin go, they're just plastic toys, they're plastic plastic because basically there's like there's and this is what the movie was called I, I say native american and I don't, I'm not even. It's like, literally, you're just trying, I'm just trying to be a person. I swear to god I might, yeah, yeah, go yell my grandpa, I don't, maybe my great grandpa, I don't know, I didn't, I don't. Even I, I don't, I don't have blank, okay, so I don't even have a bed. So probably the cars break down, no bed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fucking. Sign up for the Patreon. Fucking God damn it. Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I wonder why I'm like this, spilling coffee, drinking it like a jackass. I spill it all over here On my own when I'm sleeping in a car. Bobby, were you just quoting?
Speaker 2:Superstar.
Speaker 1:I was this song's not over jackass.
Speaker 2:Make some fucking, Make a fucking turtle pit, anyway, um, but yeah, my buddy would always quote that, but they're basically they're in his fanny pack and he has the like men that came to life and he doesn't want them to get taken away. So he's gonna pull out of my hand and they're all like dude. I would love to have a little fucking action figure of myself. It's just fucking, that's it. I would love.
Speaker 1:I'm Bobby.
Speaker 2:I'm playing. I would be the only one that bought it. I'd be the only fucking one that bought it. God, I'm honestly all over the place, but I really mean this. I'm having such a good day. We're in Austin, I'm on the road, a lot about to go back on the road this weekend, depending on when this comes out hopefully immediately, hopefully I edit it in fucking oh immediately, but if not, it'll come out the next day. But I'm gonna assume it's coming right now and I have two shows tonight, two shows on saturday, one show on sunday. Um, let's take that again. I have all these shows this weekend and I'm hosting with the amazing Randy Feltface I know his name, I know the guy with his hand up his ass and that guy is amazing Asked for me to host. Do you have people asking, yeah, all the time at work? Okay, you have people that vouch for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all the time. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Well, I don't. It's just me and a loaner car that also breaks down. Can you fucking believe we'll get more into? We'll get more into that later, but I am uh, I'm just excited. I'm excited for the future. I am happy. Um, I got, uh, I got. I think I have a new t-shirt on the fucking website. If you're still listening, you know. So if I can go get that, I have to stay, or you still, I'm like, but it's like it's the honest to God truth, because it's like, yeah, sure, the episode I did with Tatum's got like fucking a bunch of views, but then the ones where I'm like is my dick made of my own?
Speaker 2:Is it, is it, is it. Do I even own this because it's my parents dna bobby? Is there anything you won't talk about? No, no, let's get a thumbnail. That's it. I'll just fucking grab it. I got to start just making. I hate looking for them. Anything else you want to know about the pod that I? But no, this weekend I'm gonna be with Randy felt face at cap city Did I say helium, cause I do that all the time? Um, but cap city in Austin, texas, and then I'm back on the road with Tatum and uh. And then October 1st I will be in Nashville doing a recording Nate Lend presents and I'm going to do a fucking clean set. It's going to be a clean, fucking set. Do you want to see the fucking cleanest set you've ever seen me do October 1st? You will, october 1st, come see me at Zany's. Come see me at fucking Zany's, the Lab October 1st Totally fucking clean show I'm going to be doing and it's getting recorded forever.
Speaker 1:So I shouldn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we got all that going on and yeah, I'm honestly, I'm just, I really feel like such a lucky guy. I really do. But I did hear someone say I was listening to that smart list podcast and they had Michael Keaton on the other day and they were. He was like I think that's what they were saying. Yeah, he was talking, he's like I feel fortunate, not lucky, and I feel like that feels that does resonate with me, because I've always kind of felt like that, like I do I do work really hard but feel like luck or beauty or whatever, like that's like a part of it, that like getting to meet tatum, being on the road and like us having so much fun on the together, together. Because here's the thing, this is the honest to god truth.
Speaker 2:When I started going on the road with her, I was talking to another comic and I was like yeah, you know it gets on the expensive on the road and I'm sleeping in my car and they're like why don't you? You're supposed you're supposed to sleep with the headliner, not like that. You're supposed like you're they, you guys share a hotel room. And I was like yeah, but well, the headliner's a girl. And they were like oh yeah, that makes sense because it's just like. It's just a respect thing. It's the world we live in. You can make that's whatever. It's just the world we live in. But we've been having so much fun on the road and she had talked about it with her husband. I made sure it was okay, she's. She's like yeah, it's also. I'm like, I'm fucking a human being who I can decide who who stays in my hotel room, so now we'll share hotel rooms and it's the most fun ever. Cause I wake up, she fucking slams a pillow on my face and she's like do you want to go smoke weed? And I always say I don't know.
Speaker 2:And then it ends up being yes, because some of us know how to roll joints and some of us don't know how to roll joints. There's two kinds of people in this world People know how to roll joints and people who don't know how to roll joints. And then the people who don't know how to roll joints are like let me try to roll a joint. So they fucking try to roll a joint. And then they're like how's this? And you'll be like it's pretty joint. And then they're like how's this? And you'll be like it's pretty good, like it's not very good and it actually is good. The first one you roll is always pretty good. And then you get cocky and weird with it and then you roll these fucking monstrosities. God damn, I hate watching it because I remember the first time I rolled a joint.
Speaker 2:I remember I remember it because I was like I want to smoke weed and I didn't have any of it brought some, maybe I didn't. I would like kind of bomb it off of my buddies a lot Like so much that one time they're like Bobby, you should probably bring some if you want some. I'm like fuck, that is cool, but I don't want to get arrested. And they're like it's okay, just, you're okay. And so I remember smoking and I remember one time I was like with my buddy, mike and Josh, and we were like they were playing music and I was there.
Speaker 2:I was like, yeah, I want to smoke weed, though you probably roll up a joint. And I was like I don't know how they're like do it. I remember I like tried and I rolled it. I like showed it to him. You do that thing. You're like sorry, and they're like that's a pretty cool looking joint. And then you like smoke it like fucking smokes. That's all it's got to do. But yeah, sometimes you know there are people that just don't know how to do it. And then if you're one that doesn't know how to do it, that's fine. But don't fucking ever complain about a joint doing anything wrong to you.
Speaker 1:Oh, it keeps going out. Oh sorry, why don't you go buy a glass bowl in Kentucky?
Speaker 2:Bobby, where's this anger coming from my dad? It's a new bit I'm working on. I wonder if I can make it clean. I don't think that. I don't think that like talking about being, I don't think talking about therapy, you could be like evil and funny but not dirty, just real, I guess. But I have this bit I'm trying to do where it's like people are like it's like because I can't, I don't, I'm not gonna do the whole bit, but basically I think mechanics should be therapists and like they come, they work on your car and you're already there and they're like let me check out under your hood, buddy, and he's like you hear that could be your dad. Did you realize that? Also, check it for dude. Do you hear it? His floor, dude, do you hear it? It could be your mom, mom, do you hear that? But yeah, that's where my anger comes from. Well, bobby, don't blame it all. I'm not, but it definitely I didn't like watch like Batman movies and be like I'm not going to be angry.
Speaker 1:It's from my papa, but I'm getting used to it.
Speaker 2:I'm riding that lightning and I use it whenever it needs to. It's like you're like a fucking superhero, can make people's heads explode. You know you don't do it all the time, but if you fucking piss me.
Speaker 1:I'll pop your goddamn head off.
Speaker 2:That's the pod. Have a good night. You're cool. I'm going to fucking edit this or just take a long poop and then go do my show tonight. But I will be at Cap City this weekend hosting for the amazing Randy Feltface, and then I'm going on tour with Cactus Tate and then I will be also at Zany's October 1st. Buy tickets, sell it out, sell it out so fast. And then they're like who'd you hear this from? You're like Bobby motherfucking Jay Cox, and they're like is that his middle name? And you're like is that?
Speaker 1:his middle name and you're like I don't know.
Speaker 2:Click here, click here, click here, click here. I don't fucking give a shit. Bye, and then I'll see you September 19th. I'm just gonna be watching Story of the Year. My favorite band Didn't talk about them enough, didn't wrap up any of the stories I was talking about. That's the podcast you choose to listen to. It's discombobulated. How can we go on? Yeah, go listen to the Story of the Year one. Now, bye, bye. And this one, one like that.