Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

#58 Farts on a Plane | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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Ever wondered what chaos and hilarity ensue when you combine comedy tours, messy apartments, and a comedian's unconventional lifestyle? Get ready for a rollercoaster episode as I, along with Cactus Tate, hit the road for tour dates in Tacoma, Spokane, and Nashville. From the cooler weather in Austin to the bizarre mishaps that make driving preferable to flying, this episode is packed with stories of fractured bones, air mattress disasters, and my humble abode doubling as a podcast studio.

Life on the road is no joke—except when it is! Tune in for a candid discussion on travel challenges, including a surprising assault incident and the distinct dynamics when a woman is the perpetrator. I also explore the wild and wonderful world of interacting with friends who have kids, planned visits to Houston, and my thoughts on parenting styles. You'll hear about spontaneous invites to hockey games and the joys and headaches of dealing with small cars and kids' bikes.

Returning home offers its own brand of chaos, from dirty socks to a messy apartment and roommates trying to sleep while I record. I reflect on my upbringing in a religious household, share absurd texts from politicians, and recount a hilarious conversation about astral projection. In the final segment, I dive into the philosophy of my stand-up comedy style, the challenges of defining it, and the exciting new fall merchandise we've got lined up. This episode is a whirlwind of laughs, life insights, and a peek into the unpredictable world of being a comedian on the move.

Speaker 1:

Boom. Hello, welcome back to another episode of Discombobulated. I have tour dates to announce. I am on the road with Cactus Tate all through pretty much this year and you can come see us September 28th in Tacoma, washington, september 29th in Spokane, washington. If you live in Washington, you could come to both shows. And then October 1st October 1st, I will be in Nashville, tennessee, and I am shooting a set for Nate land presents. You should come and check that out if you live in Nashville, and if you don't, you gotta know someone who lives in Nashville. Everyone knows someone who lives in Nashville, so make sure you come out to that. And then October 4th, 5th and 6th, I will be on the road opening for Randy Feltface out at the Comedy Zone Ba ba, ba ba. So make sure you come out and see those shows. And then I have more dates after that.

Speaker 1:

But let's get to the nitty gritty. It's Bobby J Cox time. It's discombobulated. How are you? Are you doing good? That's fucking great.

Speaker 1:

Me too, I'm back in Austin, texas, austin, I call it Austin, austin, texas. And we're down here and honestly, just literally, you know, loving that it's not 111 degrees outside. It's very nice that when you step outside you don't go, I'm dead. It's nice. It's nice that it's cooling off Other parts of the country. You can wear a hoodie, you can have a hoodie on here, but it's for three minutes and any longer. Buddy, bye-bye, it gets hot. So it's been nice, but I'm about to go back on the road. Um, I can't wait to do, can't wait to do that, and uh, and I don't think, yeah, I think we have a little bit more flying to do, and then it's back to driving, because I fucking like that. So much more flying. Shit gets delayed, everyone stinks.

Speaker 1:

A guy farted during, for sure, farted in my face. We're standing up when you're loading to get off. And I went to stand up and, dude, thank god, my face was turned that way. But when I went I stood up and I was like what the fuck? I know this, I know, I know he farted, I know this mother farted you ever do you ever? Just know, bobby, whoever smelt it, dealt it. That will not hold up in the court of law, and that's what I'm talking about. So you can't vape on the bus and I'm like you can't, you can't vape on an airplane, but I can fucking inhale this guy's fart so much that right now I can still smell it.

Speaker 1:

Is that what you're telling me? Because that sucks. That sucks a fucking lot. Not a fan of that. Oh my god, oh my good, god damn, I ate. Did I eat dinner out of the pot last night? I was that kind of tired and we don't have bowls. I gotta be honest, that's like the two things, because I'm really never here.

Speaker 1:

Where I am right now is where a bed should be in a bedroom, and instead I'm like I'll make it a fucking podcast studio and I did that, so hopefully the podcast is going better than me getting a good night's rest. It's okay, I sleep on a couch. It's my roommate's couch. He loves it. It's okay, I sleep on a couch. It's my roommate's couch, he loves it. He's like no, please don't use the air mattress that I also have. I fucking hate air mattresses. Have you ever? The only time you're on an air mattress and happy is it's like you're on an air mattress and you're gonna hook up. You're like, yeah, these are cool, this is comfy, but when you're on one by yourself, you're just like this air could go at any moment, which it did.

Speaker 1:

I, when I first got here, I was like I had my own. I had I brought an air mattress and I blew it up and then I got back home from the road and I went to sit on it and there was a little tiny hole enough for it to just still give it form, but not enough for it to totally collapse and I basically sat right on the floor and broke my tailbone. And I break a lot of bones too. I break pretty. I've broken weird. I've this, I think this wrist, this elbow, tibia fibula. What else did I fucking break? What else have I fucking broke hearts, had my heart broken? I don't think I've ever broken a heart.

Speaker 1:

I feel like people are like I got over bobby, it's that you don't really hang on like. I feel like it's like not even a name you can hang on to, it's just like oh, and like someone's like never. What are you? What are you thinking about? I'm like Bobby. It's always got to be. It's got to be. It's like Sven. What are you thinking about, sven? I'm thinking about the time I met Sven, not that one time. I knew Bobby, yeah, kongs.

Speaker 1:

Or, as my friends say, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. Or, as my friends say, mommy Nangon, mommy Nangon. It's the only way we say it now. It's how me and Tatum say my own name on the road. It's how April said my name. I love it. They'll just send me videos where they're just like having an espresso martini with Mommy Nangon and I'm like that's the only way my name actually should be said.

Speaker 1:

Guys, put your hands together for Mommy Nangon. Yeah, guys, put your hands together for our mommy. But about to do uh, I'm about to uh, dude, I have to go do the place I moved. I gotta go do some fucking. I gotta do that laundry. And, dude, it makes you pay on a phone thing before and I've never. I I'm becoming that old. I'm that old now. I'm that old that when you have to go pay for something, it's like actually you need your phone. I'm like I have money. They're like what are you talking about? I think you should be able to be. I should be able to have a little bit of gold. I should be able to have a flake of gold and be like I do laundry forever here. Now that's money, because money represents gold and gold now is represented by crypto.

Speaker 1:

Do I look like a guy who understands finances? I'm like a guy chasing dollar bills. I wouldn't know what to do if I got $100. Oh my God. Someone the other day was like oh my God, $100, bill the adult 20. And I'm like I'm still pretty stoked to get a 20. And then you are like where the hell did that go? I had a bunch of money and now I have no money. Where do I? Where'd I put all that money? I'm so fucking bad with money. Where do I put all that money? I'm so fucking bad with money. I just see the word casino and I walk towards it. I'm just like I could become rich forever, bobby. That almost never happens.

Speaker 1:

Shut up and I just go for it, but it doesn't work out. Am I about to sneeze my ass off? Damn it, damn. Do I need the sun? Shit, not gonna get the sun, dude. I just got fucking sneeze cucked, dude. There's nothing worse than having to sneeze and you get fucking cucked out of your rocking home to sneeze.

Speaker 1:

This cup's broken. It's dripped all over. Love the coffee place I go to. Cups Could use a little bit of, could use some just a little bit better. But hey, I could get better microphones. I can get ones that you know. Fucking don't do that.

Speaker 1:

Or when I talk, is that nice. That's for my amsr, smr fans, anyway. No, let's talk about the real deal. Let's talk about how tatum pants is me on the road. That's for my AMSR, asmr fans, anyway. No, let's talk about the real deal. Let's talk about how Tatum pants as me on the road. This is this is honestly what I need to talk about.

Speaker 1:

I need to talk about how I'm being assaulted on the road. If I tell you, if I tell you any one of these stories and the roles were reversed. Where it was a man doing it to a woman, that guy should be in prison. But because it's a girl, it's funny that you get to wake up with a pillow, getting hit in your face, getting shaken awake. That's fun. Is this fun to you? Yeah, I get assaulted on the road, and now she, whenever we drive we're not together Normal, normal and now she's like I actually hate flying, and whenever we fly together, it's like way more fun. So you got to fly with me. So now we have to fly together, which is nicer, though, because she takes great care of me. So tomorrow morning, I got to drive to Houston and I got to hang out with her and her family, her whole fam, because they all love me On the road.

Speaker 1:

Keene was asking me today. Her husband was asking me if I want to go fucking, if I want to go fucking, if I want to go with him to a hockey game. And I was like fuck, yeah, cause here's the thing. I'm not a big sports guy, but when another guy wants to go to sports, yeah, as long as they're fun sports, my buddy, I go with him to football games, hockey games. I, you know I'll fuck with that. I've never been to a USC fight. I feel like I'd be like guys, maybe just talk. Maybe just talk to each other and see why you guys have to fucking not fight because I'm, I'm the best, okay, and he's the best too. No, ufc is pretty crazy. I just don't like it because I broke my leg. So I'm like guys. You don't know how hurt you could get in there, like I've had every vertebrae in my body fixed, so anyway, so I'm going on the road, I'm going, and so I just got so much love on the road so we might go see a hockey game, but I think it's on the same day.

Speaker 1:

Me and Tatum have a show. That's what I'm going to have to figure out this thing. I don't really want kids. You know, and who knows, maybe when I get older and I have a bed of my own, maybe I'll meet a lady and we'll have some kids, but for right now it's so much better when your friends have kids, oh, it's the best. They're like sorry, they're like my kid might annoy you. I I'm like I don't care at all, because I never. I'm not used to this at all. And dude, here's the thing I'm so fucking good. Here's the thing she was like trying to play barbies and her. And here's the thing tatum says she's like, dude, she's so boring playing barbies, which is mean, but true. So I saw she got out barbies and then I just created a way more fun game where it's like let's see if we can get this truck to go up this slide you have without it losing its load, without it losing the whole hall, and we'd go up and it would never work and so we would just laugh at the whole thing. I'm like no way more fun game. I'm so good with kids, cause also I don't play down to him, I don't go. Uh, yeah, what's your? You know what I mean. So we'll do that. And then we all go pick flowers and then that's it. We just hang out. It's a fun time. Honestly, I think I need it. I'm like, yeah, she's making me go there. I'm like I think I need a little bit of family time. We go pick some flowers.

Speaker 1:

Her husband makes fun of how small my car is. He goes, goes. You need to get a bigger car and I go. It was the only car they would give me. They literally were almost like we could, I want to go get a car and they go. We could finance you like a mongoose bmx bike and I was like that would actually be pretty sick. Can you guys just car max? Do you guys do skateboards, bmx snowboards, fucking surfboards, because I need that shit. So yeah, but I love doing that. I got all in all my.

Speaker 1:

I was talking my buddy devin on the phone the other day and he's got. He's got like a cool I. I honestly I only like my friends kids if I respect them. Does that make any sense? Because I have some friends I love, but you go and see their kid and you're like what the fuck is your deal? You know what I mean. You're just like stop, stop, and I don't feel like it's hard raising your kids. My one buddy, devin. He was like, yeah, we have a kid and one thing we like to do is we keep anything that's in like their reach, like they can't get in trouble if they touch it, if they open it, they can't get hurt by it, or whatever. Like we don't keep chemicals under the sink, we like moved all that because it's like it's our kids house too. And I was like, holy shit, that makes so much sense.

Speaker 1:

So whenever you meet kids that like have those kind of parents, you're like, hey, what's up? And it is easy. You, you go out, you hang out, you pick flowers, they ride a bike, they get tired, they're like, can you carry my bike? And you're like, absolutely, absolutely. And then you pick it up, you're like this fucking absolutely sucks. What did Tatum say to me the other day? Because she had to carry her bike and her kid on her shoulders and so she was walking home and she goes I bet you wish Bobby was here. She's like I fucking for sure do. Yeah, I definitely wish I had someone here, another lady, to help me carry this bicycle.

Speaker 1:

Oh man, I keep thinking about stories too, but I don't want to tell them because I'm kind of waiting to chat about them with tatum because we've had an unbelievably fun time like it's. I know this sounds like you know. It's like I'm like we have fun doing anything, but it's like that's. I feel lucky that I go on the road with people I like enjoy working with. And we were standing there and we were waiting for at baggage claim. We're waiting and we're like, fuck, this is taking forever, but we still like it's. That's what's fun about hanging out with comics more than like I don't know, maybe you've even been with like a partner, and they don't know how to travel. They're just the whole time it's like stressful and you're like, fuck, this doesn't have to suck. And so I'm on the road to tatum and it's like you know, it's like we're both tired, we're both, we have a, we're kind of there for work.

Speaker 1:

And then we're standing by baggage claim and this guy gets his baggage off and, dude, it couldn't look. This guy gets his bag off and it has American flags all over the front, very specific to him, the size, everything. I've never seen a luggage like this and the whole backside is blue. So it's already different like that, and it has a humongous side repaired by duct tape and Tatum goes. Did you see that guy? And we started watching him because I noticed him do it, but I didn't see that that's what he was doing. I was like what is he doing? He kept looking at his bag all around to check and make sure that he had his bag and he's like is this someone else's bag, covered in duct tape and American flags, and also it looks like it belongs to a 12-year-old.

Speaker 1:

And then we just made like waiting while everyone else is standing there, being like we just made that You're just laughing at them. It's so easy to laugh at them. And then I was like do you think that? Then, like whoever goes to pick him up, whether it's like it's like his wife, and he like gets really close up on her face and he's like are you my wife? He's. She's like yeah, obviously. Yes, get the newber driver. Are. Are you sure you're going to say say your name, god.

Speaker 1:

So it's just, yeah, it's easy on the on the road and she will pants me, that's the thing. People are like how much fun do you have on the road? I'm like well, she's like a dude. And people are like well, it's not, that's, that's not how different sexes. You know what I mean. Most girls don't paint you in a hotel lobby, but she did. Because I was fucking with her.

Speaker 1:

I kept being like why are you being like? She was like, I'm not, I'm just walking and I'm like, and I kept pushing her and then she was like, okay, and she goes, do you have underwear on? I was was like, yeah, she goes. Are you sure I go? What I didn't even understand. And then all of a sudden she dips out of my view and then fully pantses me, leaving my underwear on. Which is the funniest kind of pants? The other one you go to prison.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, and it's so much better than when I was sleeping in my car, like now we get rest, I don't have to wake up when the sun gets up and we've been really lucking out on the road with all these people we've been working with. All the clubs have been cool people, all the audience members have been cool. There's only been one show where, like, there was one audience member that had to get kicked out because he would not not shut up. But I don't, it's so. I don't even want to talk about that because of so many other people that have been so, so good and everyone who's been cool, everyone buying merch, because I ran out of merch. Can you believe it? I didn't really. So I ran out of merch and then she was like, well, I ran out too. And I was like, well, you could get some posters made. This is how punk rock she is. She was like, well, you could get some posters made, this is how punk rock she is. She was like, well, if I'm out of posters, why don't you get posters? And then I got posters a picture I sent of her and me pooping. We made that into a poster and it says Boobie Gaycocks Sold like hotcakes named with gaycocks on them Signed.

Speaker 1:

I really love being on the road. I don't really like, honestly, whenever I'm stationary I don't know what to do because I'm so much better at just like being going, that then all of a sudden, I get home and I'm like I had to vacuum, so my socks aren't black on the bottom now. Like dude, my socks are so brown. I was. I get home and I'm like I had to vacuum, so my socks aren't black on the bottom now, dude, my socks are so Brown. I was just like I. Literally I was like what happened? I was like, oh well, that's what happens if you have an apartment and we don't wipe up. Bobby, that's gross. We're comedians and I was, and eventually I will have my roommate on. He's trying to sleep right now. That's why I have my roommate on. He's trying to sleep right now. That's why I have my headphones on to make sure I'm not too loud. Boot scape buggy dude.

Speaker 1:

We were listening to that song and then someone had texted me. I don't even want to talk about manifesting in this whole fucking spiritual realm we're in. I was just talking to my buddy about it and he's into astral projecting. Now, do you guys know about that? Do you know how to as-ject? Do you know how to do that? We were kind of talking about it. And here's the thing with like religion and stuff. If I talk to someone and they're explaining what they believe, like that, you know they're like coming at you with the answer. Probably not the answer. You know what I mean. Like if I was asking someone how to make soup and they were like a potato. If you started asking someone these questions, they wouldn't like be so defensive.

Speaker 1:

Me and my buddy, we both were pretty religious when we were growing up. He was like, yeah, I'm reading a book on astral projection. We kind of talked about it and he was kind of explaining it to me. I was interested, I'm interested in everything. I don't know what the fuck's going on. You don't know what's going on. There was that one little kid. He was like I think this is what happens to heaven. And then later they were like they really pushed that story out of that kid, which is so sad. Like do you imagine being a kid? And you're like I didn't die. And they're like what was god like writing it down. I wonder if I can do that on a clean set. I don't know Clean.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, I kind of feel like a comic right now because I literally have a cowboy hat on. I feel like one of those comics. Kind of feel like a comic right now because I have a. I mean, I literally have a cowboy hat on. I feel like one of those comics kind of from the 80s right now. In a way, I feel like I'm like all I have to talk about is the airport and I'm like I got pants on the road and I'm at a. I'm at my house that has nothing in my bedroom. I shit there and that's it. This is a big room for shitting and changing your clothes. This is a huge closet I have. It's pretty big, but I'm only. I've just been thinking about shows and traveling. So that's where I'm at with. That's how interesting I am and I'm only funny to other comics because that's like the world we live in and I'm not political. So whenever I I mean, I will say this Kamala Harris texted me earlier.

Speaker 1:

I get a lot of texts from a lot of politicians and it is funny whenever it says it goes, your phone goes. Maybe Kamala Harris Isn't that crazy. Like that. Someone's gonna go shut the fuck up Me Couldn't be a mass text. Donald trump's texting this guy and then there's a what's. What's really wild is there's a guy I know who is ray hartman. Vote for him, whatever he's running for. I'm sorry I don't read he we, I know him as a person and now he's running for something.

Speaker 1:

I have to to get texts. I'm like, oh, ray's catching up and he's like I got to ask for your attention. It's a whole long thing and I'm like, oh man, but I used to do that for stand-up shows. I used to message people and even back when you would have to, like you could only do so many people in a many would do that, and then I would try to copy paste and still put their name at the top and people like we know, this is a group text. I'm like I'm trying to make, I'm just trying to do stand up and I got no one knows who I am, except for two guys. I don't care if you don't help me follow my dreams, but could you help, please, please. God bless texas. So yeah, that's, that's my life right now on the road. And then someone did tell me the other day and they were like you really do do the road pretty rough, and up until recently I sure did.

Speaker 1:

I was explaining to someone, like sleeping in my car and where I was like staying at, and they were like that makes me so sad. And I go, oh yeah, that go, oh yeah, that is sad. That is sad that in the city I lived in, where I didn't have an apartment for a little bit, this is what I was doing. I would, I would, so I would sleep in the car and I'd wake up, and right when the sun gets up, you have to and then I would get up and I would go drive to the u-haul place, like the like the storage unit, drop off all the stuff where I was, like evidence I was sleeping, flip up my seats, clean it up and then drive Lyft to make money and then go grab this and I would do that. I did that for like a week and then I was like living on the road with like a loaner car.

Speaker 1:

But I was explaining that to someone and I was like isn't that so bohemian and cool? And they were like I literally have tears in my eyes. I was like, oh fuck, that does. That's not a great way to live. But I guess it's a good way to live your life because I'm being grateful. I guess I feel, you know, I'm grateful for what I have. I feel lucky.

Speaker 1:

Um, and then when I'm back in town this is the first time I've been trying to be responsible because I literally knew I would be overtired and I was like I'm not going out in Austin, I'm not gonna go hang out with everybody and go to bit city, which this is man, let me think. I mean they do do LA, they do it. There are bits. They do do some bits out there, new York, you'll meet Stranger Comics and you'll just be in a bit. But fuck, dude, austin is a fucking Once you kind of get to know everybody. There's a bunch of guys that All the people I like, we're all fucking at Bit City. We do stupid bits and then check and there's a little bit of love. You're like, how you doing, buddy? Yeah, doing, it's a good time. It's a good time and it's a great time to be a comic.

Speaker 1:

Talk about your pussy or your dick or your balls or your labia, that's the same thing, not not both balls or girl labia right, never and that's a bit I ain't never seen a pussy before. This episode is not for kids. Could you imagine I should do an episode? What would this show be like for kids? Do you guys know where? The only thing I guess I could talk about is that YMCA's are a cheap place to go have fun, because I'll go there. You know what I mean. I've gone there to work out and to swim.

Speaker 1:

But when you go by yourself, you go to lay out and then, whenever you want to cool off, you do want to do a cannonball and you're a grown man, so you have to pretend like you're looking for a kid and then eventually you just go stand in line and you're like, and then you, and then, whenever you cannonball, I have to like do this thing where I have to like, pretend that I'm like. While I'm doing the cannonball, I have to pretend I'm looking for the kid. You know what I mean. Like I'm like, like I have to like, I can't really enjoy. I just smile once I go underwater, that's all. But I jumped, I'm like, but I jumped and I'm like Tony. Just look around for a kid and then be like I wonder if he's up at the top of that water slide. Ymca water slides aren't fun enough. You don't go up in those by yourself, and so those are more like if you go to like a Six Flags.

Speaker 1:

That's the part where it feels sad being a kid, because there are things I want to do, like right now. If I bought a dirt bike, everyone would be like that's super duper, irresponsible bobby, you don't even have a bed. But if I had a kid and I said I got us both dirt bikes, everyone would be like that's the best dad I ever heard of. I guess I got to have a kid to have a dirt bike, and then, as I've said before, my kid will be named dirt bike and if there's another kid also dirt bike. I have dirt bike and dirt bike. Those are my kids. If there's a third, one girl, she'll name kickflip. That's the name of my kids. There's Kickflip and Dirtbike and Dirtbike. Even if they're all girls, they'll be named Dirtbike and Dirtbike and Kickflip and Halfpipe.

Speaker 1:

God, I got so many things I'm neglecting right now. Oh, and then I do have merch for sale and you should fucking sign up for the Patreon. But it feels weird telling you that. But I'm telling you that at the end of it I'm like sign up for it, like share, there's anything you can do. You can support for it. Like share, there's anything you can do you can support for free. You can support for a dollar. But I don't need to tell you that because you're not a fucking idiot like me for not going to college and then going to community college, wasting your time at a community college to get half of a degree. Hey, what'd you get your degree in Half, thank you very much. I got the. Just get your degree in Half, thank you very much. I got the just get your basics out of the way. That way, when you don't go back to college, you know you really wasted your time, but I guess I don't know what I would have been doing anyway either. I don't, because I wasn't.

Speaker 1:

I kind of needed like that balance of like guessing I was gonna go to school and then like, so I had that delusion while becoming a comic, that delusion with the delusion of like why I'd work and then work as, like, a firefighter. God, I was busy, god damn, god damn. I was busy, dude. Like I saw this video, post malone, which which dude. And I like Post Malone, I've liked him, I like that shit. And now he's country Dude, more power to him. But I guess that's interesting because, like what, if you were just getting into Post Malone now and then you're like, let me jump back into his discography, you would like hear White Eye of a Sun and you'd be like, huh, so is there a guy on this with him when he's going to be like White Eye of a Sun? Again, more power to them, dude. I kind of want to do that.

Speaker 1:

I feel like as comics, we get more freedom to kind of like pop around with like being silly, telling a story, being serious, doing whatever, but as a musician, if you like, change like your genre. It's weird, which is like why I love Slipknot. They fucking, they're everything. Corey Taylor was saying that on yeah, I heard him on your mom's house. He's like we were always a slipknot.

Speaker 1:

We're like it doesn't matter what you want to pull from. You can pull from anything and I'm like I like that because I one of the worst questions, worse than maybe be funny right now is what's your stand-up like? I'm like it's a gabarino of time. Like fucking, I don't. I'm like I like to be silly and they're like pfft, like that's how I describe myself.

Speaker 1:

I said that and then I was out back at the comedy store and Jamar Neighbors was sitting there and I was like he said that he's like I just like to be silly. I was like dude, that's how I that's literally or anything specific makes you feel fucking a little weird. I knocked this over and then I knocked that over. They're staying. I'm getting all over the place. Yeah, like subscribe, follow the pod Bonus episodes on there and check out my merch. I got a bunch of merch and I got a bunch of merch coming for the fall. I'm designing it right now. Me and my discombobulated team are going to get you dis-covered in clothes. So, thank you, love you. Go out and see live stand-up. That's all I got to say Bye.