Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

#63 Back Cough Buddy | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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Have you ever injured your back from a cough? Well, join me, Bobby J Cox, as I recount such quirky tales from my life on the road, wrapping up an unforgettable tour with the rising star, Cactus Tate. Our last gigs in Chandler, Arizona, are nearly sold out, and it's been a wild ride from the struggles of hair-raising stage attire advice from Grandpa to the dismal coffee offerings in Texas grocery stores. As I navigate the hilarity of getting older, the stories just keep flowing like a never-ending supply of bad java.

Jump into a whirlwind of randomness where humor meets the everyday oddities of life. We take aim at the absurd concept of "fake shits" at work and the unpredictable nature of weather and coffee choices. There’s a sprinkle of nostalgia as I gush about the music community and my admiration for bands like Story of the Year. Toss in a few playful jabs at the pronunciation of Scottish cities and the charming chaos of resisting technology’s grip, and you’ve got a playful mix of banter, personal stories, and pop culture nods.

And just when you think the adventure is winding down, brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud exploration of Austin, where swing doors create a saloon-like vibe worthy of a Western comedy. With Cactus's birthday around the corner, I’m encouraging everyone to join her journey, while I prepare to hit the road yet again. From memorable encounters at coffee shops and IHOP to lighthearted jibes about turning 34 and staying fit, this episode is all about embracing life's quirks, meeting amazing people, and sharing the chaos with you. Don’t miss out—support the podcast and join in on the fun!

Speaker 1:

Hello, welcome to Discombobulated. I am, of course, your host, bobby J Cox, and today I have a guest. It's me, motherfuckin' Bobby J Cox, and I want to announce the end of Cactus Tate's tour that I have been opening for her. We are going to be in Chandler, arizona, Chandler, arizona, at Mic Drop Comedy Club, so come check that out. We will be there November 22nd, november 23rd and November 24th. Three of the five shows already sold out. Get your tickets fast because they are going like fast tickets.

Speaker 1:

People say like hotcakes, but people not really eating pancakes like that anymore. Huh, you really eating pancakes, fucking quick. And hey, you guys want to go get some pancakes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's all take naps later During the collapse. Let's go and fucking give our asshole a problem. I'll tell you mine's gonna have a problem because I just bought this coffee.

Speaker 1:

I moved to Texas and we have grocery stores called H-E-B and I will tell you this, they do not have good coffee. I will tell you this, for and I love shit coffee I'll drink. People will be like, ooh, this coffee's burned. I'm like burn it to the ground, baby. Ooh, give me that. Ooh, give me that. Get in your oil changed coffee. Ooh, it smells like tires, but it tastes also like tires. Gimme, look, look, look. But this shit, mmm, did I do something wrong when I put the hot water just over the cacao plant, the coffee, the coffee bean plant? You know what I mean? All right, oh, my fucking God, I am the luckiest guy ever, you know? Know, because they always say, as you get older, that your whole body's gonna break down, and that's literally not true. Okay, that's not true. There's no way that when you turn 34, you think you've been taking care of yourself and one day you feel a little under the weather and you let yourself feel that way because you haven't been sick and fucking over a year probably, you've been taking your vitamins, jerking off at the proper times and you, I don't know what that means, but you go and you feel good and then you get sick and you allow yourself to get sick. But I had that uh, deep cough and I was coughing and you ever like, try to cough and you like, move your body different so you can be like and like, really get it out, even if you need to throw up into the toilet, which I did if you had not, but if you got it just, and I just let my body move however it did and my body, um, I tore. Bobby Lou was down for the count. I was. This was about a week ago.

Speaker 1:

I, I tell you who has bad luck. It's that guy who like figured out gravity or whatever you know, cause he was like God damn, that hurt my head. And then it hurt his head so bad that he figured out fucking gravity, but I my back hurt. And that was whenever Cactus tate was coming in. She was gonna come to austin because I had a show and she was gonna. She wanted to see what's awesome, like what austin was like. So we were gonna pop around town and then I was like hey, dude, my back is absolutely fucking fucked. And she was like, oh okay, do you want to like reschedule? I was like no, we'll be okay, cause I was like I'm going to be able to stretch this out. And I've been stretching this back for a whole week and God, motherfucking damn it If it doesn't still motherfucking hurt do I have.

Speaker 1:

Here's the thing If you do exactly what YouTube videos say to do to stretch, and you do that for a week straight and it doesn't help, it's probably probably something else right straight and it doesn't help, it's probably probably something else. Right, I don't know. But that's the age I'm at. I'm at the age now where I I have you don't even know if you need help. You're at the age where you're like. You don't know if, like if you say your back hurts, if you say that just something like, oh, my back hurts, if they're gonna be like, I know, right, me too. That's just getting older. Or or if you're like, hey, does your tongue ever feel like it's cut in half and people are like what the fuck are you talking about? Like you never really know, so you never know as you get older, like if you're supposed to ask for help in your mid-30s, you just don't know. Do I need help in my mid-30s? Do I need? Could I get some? Could I get some help in aisle 34? Yeah, yeah, all I'm trying to do, I'm just trying to live. Will I be able to do that without my back fucking popping out, just from a cough, just from a light? Someone even say a chortle. You don't think I'm chortley enough for the chortle club?

Speaker 1:

You, you fucking shorts. Don't wear shorts on stage. That's what my grandpappy always told me. My grandfather always would tell me that he said if you're going to do stand-up, do not ever wear shorts on stage. And I was like what the fuck papa? What the fucking fuck papa? Sorry guys, life doesn't wait, all right, got that down, yeah. Life doesn't wait, all right, got that down, yeah. So I've just this one's fucking. This one's gonna be about as good as this coffee.

Speaker 1:

We all take a day off work. You fucking take days off work. I know you go to your work and fucking take fake shits. I used to do it all the time. I'm the king of fake shits, I'm the king of elongatingits. I'm the king of elongating and I'm the shit king. Shorty got shits. Shorty got a he, but yeah. So my back is wrecked. I I can't breathe.

Speaker 1:

But thank god for global warming because it is now 70 degrees on november. What is it fucking 19th on november 19th? I live in a place where it is it's 70 degrees outside. It's probably okay. Google what's the temperature outside in Austin, texas, right now? Currently in Austin, it's 77 degrees. Got seven better. Get flucking fucked.

Speaker 1:

And people are always like there's a hole in the ozone. Fucking take that whole thing off. Then, if you got a fucking hole, get the fucking hole. You know what I mean. If I got, if you're go sockless, if you got holes in your sock, maybe that day we fuck, we just don't wear them. Do we have any other ozones we could wear? Wear People always find they're like we found an Earth-like planet. Then fucking grab its fucking T-shirt off of its dead body and bring it back to our planet. Bobby, you know. None of this is true. Yes, but it's fun to talk about.

Speaker 1:

What else am I gonna do? Just get a job. My back hurts. Do you have any special skills? Yeah, I can't stand up real quick. You're hired. I'm going up so slowly. I mean this coffee, just, it just tastes like shit and but you know what I did.

Speaker 1:

Though you try to can, can you ever learn? Here's the thing Be in your mid thirties. If you're like like me, been like me, gonna be like me. You learn all these lessons. But even when you learn lessons, there's no consistency because we don't live in nature Like there's no.

Speaker 1:

Like I was like oh, heb, it's got cheaper coffee. I've lived in a place that's had Schnucks coffee for cheaper. How about we get the cheapest, biggest thing of coffee you can get? Why? Because it's good for you To save money and you fucking drink a lot of coffee by the biggest save money Two scoops. Oh, this doesn't taste like shit. Now I have to drink all of this. Where's that lesson? The fucking the economy doesn't work like that. The economy doesn't care that. He's saving money and we made sure we put flavor in there. They're like ha ha, haha, we got another one. What am I even complaining about? I don't know. Let's talk about good things. Hosanna in the highest hosanna. Holy, holy, holy, shit god.

Speaker 1:

They need to re-release that dvd story of the year, do they used to they? Uh, they've had the bonus features which is like the best part of their whole band is they're them. You're like yeah, that's what I mean. You're like no, like you ever like? Let me think of a band. I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think of a band because I don't ever give a. I was just like like, the music story of the year is one of the only bands I like learned about. But sometimes you learn too much about a band and you're like ew, but Story of the Year, you learn more about them. And they're like oh, these guys are fucking fun.

Speaker 1:

But all my quotes if you ever hear me quote something you're like. What's that from? It's probably Dan Marsalis said that and maybe one of the coolest things ever. On the website Quoracom they say Glasgow is properly pronounced as in Glasgow and Edinburgh is pronounced as in Edinburgh Two great Scottish cities that deserve the courtesy of proper pronunciation.

Speaker 1:

I will never respect these computers as they try to take over our lives. As these computers try to take over our lives, you think I'm going to respect them when they're telling me that I have to know how to say Edinburgh. I'm never even going to get to go there. I can't even stand up. But yeah, please, if you guys are listening, but you guys got to fucking. Just well, send me those. I need to see them because someone went, someone fucking took them off of YouTube the other day. Someone illegally put them up and then someone fucking took them down. Fuck, just so you know. That's the only way we've all listened to the emo world.

Speaker 1:

None of us bought any of those CD. I'm very sorry. I I bought a couple. A couple girlfriends bought me some. Oh yeah, I've had girlfriends, wicked, defensive. That's what happens when you've just been taking fucking DayQuil, nightquil, ice, hot cold on your back, taking baths as if you're a fucking baby all day. I like that part. But they were in Glasgow, glasgow. But they were in Glasgow, glasgow but.

Speaker 1:

And he's like hey, we were just wondering are you going to be at the show tonight? We keep thinking you're going to show up and I can't express how cool that feels to be like a buddy with your favorite band, so much that when they're about to do a show, they're like do you guys feel like Bobby's going to show up? That's a crazy, creepy cool thing. And I said, yeah, I'm in the guitar case. Could you please let me out? I'm like packed Like you've ever seen a goofy movie.

Speaker 1:

You ever seen a goofy movie when he's like all I need is I get done, I got whatever it takes to. It's a pretty car To stand up above the crowd. Even if I got to, I don't know, tonight is the only thing you'll see. I want to stay now. Do you notice me? God, that fucking movie rules Power lines. I don't like the next line. If I can make you stop and take a look at me instead of just walking around, there's nothing that I wouldn't do if it was getting me, because that's whenever they look at each other and he lets his tongue hang out. Even when I was a kid I was like that's kind of gross. All I need is a. I got whatever it takes to stand out above the crowd. Even if I pull, I cannot jump. Could you imagine he gets to do that? But you fucking jump on stage and you're just like we're not cool anymore. My dad's fucking goofy dude, my dad's fucking goofy Any dude.

Speaker 1:

That's the most unrealistic movie. I know it's a cartoon, but like movies are supposed to teach you about like empathy and a little bit about like the real world or whatever. In some ways it's supposed to be kind of like you know whatever it was that. Well, you know what it is. There's the part in that movie where goofy thinks his son goofy junior or whatever, is lying to him. What was his name? Max, max, max, but they were Pauly shores at that movie. Oh my God. Well, he, his voice is Jed. That was a terrible too. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't do it, I can't Anyway. But so there's a part in the movie. If you've never seen it I will indulge.

Speaker 1:

There's a part of the movie where basically, they're going on a road trip and he wants to go, the kid wants to go see power line and goofy wants to, like I don't know, go to like a civil war reenactment or something. I don't remember what he wants to do, but he's he wants to go over here. And then so he's like Max, which way do we go left or right and cause, like, while I think, while his dad was sleeping, he had like erased it, which is like you'd be able to be like fucking Max, I can still see the line. But he, so he erases it and then puts it and so it. And so then he knows that he's gonna lie to him. He's like all right, max, this is it left or right? And he goes uh, I can't remember. He's like left and they're supposed to go right or whatever. And he goes left and dude goofy is just so mad. And then so he's like, he like tries to do it, but he's just like lets him go that way. And then at one point their car is in the water and he's like, he like tries to do it, but he's just like lets him go that way. And then at one point their car is in the water and he's just like I just want to be part of your life and I don't know what world you guys grew up in, but I feel like as soon as our car's in the water.

Speaker 1:

I once drove a golf cart into the pond but hey, shouldn't have been letting me drive a golf cart, you fucking jackass. So it's his fault. And so I'm driving a golf cart I'm too young and I'm driving it and there's a lake, like a pond, like a water source, and I fucking and I crashed into it and my dad didn't talk to me. He wasn't just like I'm just glad that we're hanging out. He was drunk and was like you don't, we're not talking for the rest of the day and you're not getting a dirt bike for Christmas. I was like I was getting a fucking dirt bike for Christmas. I was so young, like in the same moment I'm like Santa's. Not real, it was insane, but that's so funny.

Speaker 1:

Uh, to think about whenever. Like to think about whenever, like a like when you're a kid, like I feel like so many times. It's like those life lessons that are shot in movies. You're like that would be nice, but you're watching that movie while your parents are getting a divorce in the other room. Shut up, you dumb bitch. All I need is a second, but I got. Whatever it takes. It's a housing crisis. Stand out above the crowd. Even if I got to cut my neighbor's throat, we still go to church on Sunday, but we all bought a house and we're mad and sad. Man.

Speaker 1:

The 2000s wild fucking times that was when your lipstick is color and people were buying their houses with dollars. Stick his collar and people were buying their houses with dollars. I know exactly what goes on. Fucking market goes up and then fucking goes down. I have no idea how it works, but I think I just I think I had it pretty accurate. That's so funny. We were all just. Of course, kids got to.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if you, like I grew up in a time whenever, like kids were getting their hair cut where it's like the front of your hair was like a beetle kind of like grown out, and then you would dye the end of it and then the back of your head would either be like spiky and then there'd be like a part that you're like you know that I mean you're like I never cut this or whatever and there was all these like different haircuts. And that happened because all these parents are getting divorced and trying to get in loan offices and trying to fuck. Like what do you mean? My, I hate you. Like it's all. It was just like chaos. And then we're all just like.

Speaker 1:

I'm stuck in a car, stuck in a nap I think I saw like a TikTok the other day. It's like, yeah, my parents are getting divorced in the other room and I'm just like fucking watching Fuse, it's the truth, it is what we all went through, it's what we all and my parents didn't get divorced. It was way weirder. They would come and talk about it and then not. And people are like talk about confusing. You know how weird it is for your parents to be like we're gonna get divorced and then to not. And you're like I thought you were man of your word. Passive aggressive is way better. Passive aggressive. Let's go. Please build a deck and yell.

Speaker 1:

This episode is unusable. I guess I hold a lot of my trauma in my lower back. Um, um, fuck, I don't know. I don't remember when I got to do this podcast last because my computer broke, so I don't I, but I think yeah, we went to the last couple of weeks in Austin. I've just been having so much fun. Cactus came in town. We got to fucking go to all the clubs Show her around, all the comics Dude.

Speaker 1:

What's so cool is whenever you know someone who's like if you've ever gotten to know someone who's like following their dreams, and somehow it's also like, uh, in, like the zeitgeist or like the social world, social media, especially in her universe. We walked into a coffee shop and this dude, like dude, like, could not help himself. He's like are you fucking cactus tate? And she was like, oh my God. And he was just so like he just couldn't even help himself. He made a tick, tock later about meeting her and so that was just cool, it was very cool, like to get to, to get to see that.

Speaker 1:

And then, oh, dude, and then after, uh, we do the show, it was me, my friend, uh, libby and Tina we all go to eat at IHOP and we're sitting there and it's me, them two, me and Cactus, and the waitress comes up and at some point she goes. I am so sorry, do you do TikTok? And she got recognized twice in like two days and I was just like dude, that's so cool, I was, I don't know. There's just. There is something just very, very cool whenever you get to watch someone, cause it's not like she hasn't even been famous for like, for like. You know what I mean For too long, where it's like like she's blowing up and getting to see people meet her is fucking. It's so cool, dude.

Speaker 1:

Be the beginning of this once. I'll never get it. I literally like I have to go after a show. I'm like no, I, you just watched me. They're like, yeah, right, buddy, I'm like I, you were your eyes closed. It's like no, you couldn't have been that shitty lady on stage. You dip shit. Oh, my god, what else is? What else is new? Um, yeah, we're gonna. We're ending up, we're ending the tour. It's gonna be in Arizona. And then, um, oh, and also, on November 21st is Tatum's birthday, so please follow her. If you don't follow Cactus Tate already, you are missing out. She's way if you're, if you know me and not her, that's dumb. She's super awesome. She takes me on the road, she takes great care of me, so please make sure you follow her and wish her a happy birthday on November 21st. That's the day before our shows in Chandler Bing, arizona. We're going to be in Chandler Bing.

Speaker 1:

People think he's dead. He, not the actor, is dead. The actor is dead, but chandler is still well alive. We just don't see him. He's kind of like. In many ways he's like your dog that went to live on a farm. Which has anyone ever told that to their kid and forgot to correct them? And then they don't know how to. When they get their kid a dog they're like. I really wish this dog would know to go to the farm. How do we? Do you know where the farm they like? Ask the kid they're like do you know where the farm is? Like what? No, I don't know where the damn dog farm is. Ooh, baby, I think you're gay Every day. Oh, and then tonight I just don't. I'm not. I didn't say it up top. I don't even know if I'll be able to get this out because I don't have a computer. I think I'm going to throw it into the sky and see if it'll get on the internet, but I will also be. Uh, I think tonight I'll be at creek for lemare show. They're doing a game feud show which I'm very, very excited about.

Speaker 1:

Dude, I just I do have to say that I really love all the people that I've met um previously. Like that, like through, like coming through st louis and shit like that. Like sometimes you go to other cities, but everyone I've met that I've met that were from austin. They're the same people whenever you're here in austin, which is fucking night, very nice and uh well, mayor is one of my favorite people and I just did. Oh, you guys, you guys have to check out pain management podcast. I just did that with jimmy moynihan and roderick. What is Roderick's last name? Mcdaniel Roderick McDaniel. I just met him and, yeah, I've just been having a lot of fun.

Speaker 1:

So make sure you follow all these comics. We're all having so much fun doing what we do and I hope you're doing what you want to do. What do you do? What the fuck do you do If you're not a comic? When I ask someone what they like to do and they're like I like to run, I'm like you, fucking sadistic. Fuck. Do I have to start running? Am I at that age now? Is that why all those guys who turn my age like 34, is that why they all dress like that? They're all in fucking merrills because they're. You got yours. You've got to be hiking all the time and running, otherwise your back breaks. I don't drink beer anymore. Beer's gone for bob. I don't. I can't drink beer, but now I got. I have to run.

Speaker 1:

I'd be one of those guys that goes, fucking, hate it. I'm not, I hate it. I don't want to run. I don't want to lift weights. Honestly, the most I want to do, I want to. You know what I'm gonna. I'm gonna do this. This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be the guy from roadhouse. I'm gonna start waking up, and you know what? I'm working out with the fucking air. I'm working out with my cheese. Just, ah, no, wow, mm, oh yeah, just fucking, grab the big tits, give them back to God, pull down your screen from heaven, let it go. I'm gonna start doing that, because I tell you what the last thing I'm gonna do is go to a fucking gym, and I don't want to lay it. Just, are you ready?

Speaker 1:

Fuck, I'm not non-binary, but I don't fit in anywhere. Does that make sense? Like I'm a guy, but when I hang out with guys, I'm just like, oh, they've said too many professional sports names, okay. And then I hang out with chicks and after a while, I'm like, oh, what? So I don't. Where do I go? Where do the bots go? I'm non-bobinary and I just want to fit in.

Speaker 1:

I'm not going to shave my head though, because I got a dis. I got a fucking really disformed head. Yeah, my mom didn't. The other day, tatum was like hey did Like whenever you sit, like will you pull your hair. She was like, do you have a really flat head? And I was like, do you have a really flat head? And I was like yeah, and she like, like I could, she could tell when you have a hat on, you can like see it. And she was like, do you have like a flat head? Yeah, yeah, I do so.

Speaker 1:

If I shave my head, I will look. I'll probably look like a Rubik's. I would probably. If I shaved my head, I would look like a Rubik's cube, with all the stickers taken off. You could probably spin me around a little bit too. Oh, my God, dude the guy. So I'm not proud of this, but I will tell you all now that I'm settled and even though my back hurts and even though I don't own a bed, which is so I'm so, by the way, aren't you guys so happy? I'm not one of those guys that when my car broke down, when my car broke down again, when I didn't have a car, when I didn't have a bed, when I was sleeping in a loaner car while my other car was getting fixed. Aren't you guys so glad I don't start?

Speaker 1:

Gofundmes, like those, are reserved for if you have cancer. I believe you can have one of those If you have, if someone's dying dead and you need help. But if you just want to go to Cancun sorry, you got to figure out, you got to use one of your skills, but now that I'm settled, I'll tell you this sign up for the Patreon, because Bob's building it back up and the guy who lives across from me can see what he has. And I'm telling you guys, I don't think we're far away from Bob having a dirt bike. Bob, it's so. Listen, I know, bob having a dirt bike, bob, it's so dangerous. Listen, I know, I know they're dangerous, but I'm going to be very careful and I'm going to be honest. I think I have to buy a dirt bike, bob. No, I don't have kids. I have no idea what love means. For all intensive purposes, I'm, I'm here for I'm just here for y'all. But goddamn if in between those things, I don't want to rip a do on a dirt bike because just oh, I, I in the weather's so nice, it barely rains.

Speaker 1:

And the other guy. I saw someone with an Enduro dirt bike and he didn't look like a sad motherfucker, he looked like one of the happiest guys you ever did see. He looked like life was kissing him on the mouth just, and he was just like, yeah, I love you, so I'm gonna get one of those. So please join the Patreon, send me money if you want. I won't ever ask. I'll do it once on my birthday.

Speaker 1:

Every once in a while I'll be like yo, venmo me if you want me to get a shot, but goddamn, that's your choice and I will start a GoFundMe when I do get cancer, because I'm going to get cancer, that's 100% sure. Oh, here comes the motorcycle guy. You going to get on your motorcycle? No, he ain't getting on. But don't you guys just want, don't you come on, sign off in the comments. You don't want me to get dirt bike? Bob was a dirt kickflip, dirt bike kickflip. I know I got hurt on it. I know I get hurt on skateboards, but dirt bikes I grew up on, I was better I, I. I believe I am better on a dirt bike than I am on a skateboard. So I think I'm going to get one of those and I think I can't wait and I really, really want to get a good one.

Speaker 1:

So if, when you sign up for Patreon, there's three tiers, the first one is a tier of me. If you only do a dollar, what are you? The second one, you know, and that's fine bucks. And then the third one's 10. You're like, god damn, but their bikes aren't cheap and later I'll be able to. You don't have to sign up for that one. So if that's what you heard and you're like that's too much, then go to the dollar one, I don't care. And you're like, well, it said, it makes you cry, it's not gonna on me and I ate a hot pepper and I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1:

Doing all of those things and not being able to cuss or say like when they gave me two impressions Christopher Walken and Denzel Washington and I'm going to be honest, I never say no I'm such a yes-a-marion. I literally was like I don't know how to. I can't even get that out of my mouth right now. I am so fucking confused and keep getting shot and I'd be like, why can't? I say like, ah, ah, so, but it was this punishment show that Spencer O'Neill had me on and it was fun as fuck. I want to do more of that, but goddamn, next time I shouldn't do do every single one. I would almost rather have gotten tased once really hard, and then just fucking focused on the rest. But I think legally they weren't allowed. We had to sign a waiver which made me think I was going to get really fucked up. But luckily I didn't get that fucked up.

Speaker 1:

They were very kind, very, very kind. Oh God, oh, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I finally got to. This is my favorite form Long hair, beard, not in shape.

Speaker 1:

No one has any idea that I'm fucking strong as fucking fuck. It's a little secret. I have Hands like an ox, body like a box. But whenever you start working out, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be a comic and have fucking biceps, because then people are going to be like that guy's not funny and I'm like, but I want my back to hurt. So I'm going to try the Tai Chi one and hopefully that works and then I'll be a fucking security guy. It's a mothership.

Speaker 1:

Do you do comedy anymore? No, but I'll kick your fucking ass buddy, drill bit, taylor. There's this part where what's that guy's name? He's in fucking Field of Dreams. He's like you, looking for an ass kicking. I say that all the time.

Speaker 1:

I would kill to, right before a fight, say you want an ass kicking? That would be so fun. I haven't been in a fight in a long time and I really don't think Austin is the place to get in those, because I'm an adult. I got a bad back and everyone here has guns. They're just on the hats here Backwards hats, cowboy hats, boots. They say these boots were made for walking, but that's because every step it just goes.

Speaker 1:

It's fucking crazy here, dude, and they say Austin's the most liberal one. Yeah, people with blue hair, fucking shooting the hell out of you. Shooting the shit and shooting the hell out of you. That would be very funny to access. You say like the wrong pronoun. They're like like in a saloon. Texas is crazy.

Speaker 1:

I want those doors. Those doors are the only doors we should have, though I will say that I don't want and I'm tired of revolving doors, I'm tired of pulling on doors. I want swingy doors everywhere we go. That's all I want. Bathrooms, my front door, that's all I want is fucking hey, where'd someone take a shit in this place?

Speaker 1:

We don't take kindly to people like you taking shits here. Yeah, we don't take kindly to people like you taking shits here. But it wasn't my gun, I just shit my pants. He's like now you get on out of here. I have no idea what I'm talking about. So I'm going to pack today. That's what I got to do. I got to pack and then you're going to see me on the road, and that's it. That's been gotta pack. And then you're gonna see me on the road and that's it. That's been the pod. You've been fun. You've been great. Make sure you sign up for the fucking patreon. Make sure you like and subscribe like everyone asks and you'll never do, almost saying it is the antithesis of getting. They're gonna do. I think I just wanted to use a big word and it didn't work out fucking later. Bye.