Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
“Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox" is a hilarious and insightful podcast that takes you on a wild ride through the mind of comedian Bobby Jaycox. With his unique perspective as a comedian with ADHD, Bobby shares his unfiltered thoughts, stories, and experiences in a way that will leave you laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Join Bobby and his guests as they navigate the chaos of everyday life, discussing everything from relationships and pop culture to mental health and personal growth. Get ready for a rollercoaster of laughter, relatability, and a whole lot of discombobulation. Tune in now to experience the world through the eyes of a comedian with ADHD.
Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
#66 Thank You For Your Internal Revenue Service | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
Ever wondered what it's like to humorously confuse the IRS with a fictional International Revenue Service while facing the reality of poverty-level taxes? Join us for a laugh-filled episode where I recount my recent chaotic adventures, including an unconventional move to Austin sans bed, and the perplexing ordeal of setting up my mail. Alongside these shenanigans, I share my willingness to dive into any podcast, controversial or not, while reflecting on the hilarity of my Spotify Wrapped surprises. This episode is a rollercoaster of witty personal tales, offering a glimpse into my quirky world where the IRS and comedy collide.
Hold onto your seats as I share the misadventures of my problematic CarMax vehicle, a saga filled with humor, frustration, and the persistence needed to navigate life’s unexpected setbacks. With candid reflections on ADHD and self-improvement, I sprinkle the conversation with a playful nod to the coolness of being bisexual, celebrating the diversity of experiences and identities. From Lyft rides to life lessons, this narrative is packed with personal anecdotes and a comedic take on sexuality, all while maintaining the chaotic energy that life so often serves up.
In a nostalgic twist, we venture into high school memories and the hilarity of critiquing the Twilight series while dreaming of vampire immortality. I express gratitude to my friend Tatum for providing a bed amid less-than-ideal living conditions, and share the joys and challenges of creating music despite technical hiccups. As we wrap up, there's an invitation to catch me at The Bend in Wisconsin with Erica Rhodes, with a hint at future plans and a humorous plea for you to share your Spotify Wrapped, claiming my rightful spot as your top podcast. Tune in for laughter, creativity, and an unwavering commitment to connection.
hey, welcome back to another episode of discombobulated. Today we have a very special guest. Uh, I'm very excited. Uh, this guest I know little about and they know even less about me. Uh, everyone, put your hands together for the ir, everybody. Am I getting that correctly?
Speaker 1:It's the Internal Revenue Service. Yes, okay, I thought it was international. You could see the confusion. We're the IRS. Bobby, why do you never reach out to us? I don't have much to say. Why do you never reach out to us? I don't have much to say.
Speaker 1:One year I did my taxes and I made so little that the person who did my taxes said hey, just so you know, you don't even have to do your taxes Like you made so little, you don't. It's the government's like. That's okay and that's crazy To know that the government doesn't even care if you're alive. And, yeah, it's part of my act, but it's also a real thing that happened to me. So I'll talk about it wherever the effing fucking shit I want. But and if you are the IRS, we do have a PO box now so you can send all those letters that you would like to send me. You can send it to the podcast. Send it to the podcast, cause we've got, because we got a PO box, pretty big box, it's a PO box 17821, austin, texas, 78760. Go ahead and send your letters. If you take cool photography, if you have anything flat, you send it there. If you got something big, you want to send me. If you got something big, you want to send me. If you got something big, you want to send me like old, just old stuff you don't want anymore.
Speaker 1:4516 Burleson Street. That's B-U-R-L-E-S-O-N road. Oh, it's road, so it's not street, it's not road. And then spelled like streets fuck, four, five, one, six. Burleson road, number one, seven, eight, two, one. Austin, texas, seven, eight, seven, four, four. Those are the. Those will be at the bottom and I'll get them right in the fucking text. Um, so if you're the irs, please go ahead and you can send anything you want there. Yeah, I got no qualms with it. You know you're the, you're the IRS.
Speaker 1:I thought and I did, I, yes, maybe I thought it was international. And then you think about it for two seconds, like well, that wouldn't make sense. And you're like, well, why am I thinking about this? I'm so fucking poor. If you're like me, you're fucking poor. I'm so poor that for the last six months when I moved to Austin I was not going to move. God forbid.
Speaker 1:I try to figure out how to move a bed down here. God forbid. I look up the pricing on getting my old bed down here. I was like I'll just throw it away because I've had it for so fucking long. It's disgusting. I think it's past the date the sell-by date for a mattress, so you fucking throw it away. And then you do not have a bed and you sleep in a car. Slash the floor end of your apartment. Slash a loaner car. Slash a fucking hotel. Bobby, hotels are nice, they are, but those beds they ain't made for me sleeping on all of it. They're not great Lumpy.
Speaker 1:You got a lumpy bed. You got a lumpy butt. What is that from? She's got a lumpy butt. What is that from? Who fucking cares? Because, oh, we got to hear. I want to hear about your Spotify raps. I want to hear about your Spotify wrapped. I want to hear how your 2024 went.
Speaker 1:I spent 2000 hours. I liked all the memes that were telling you other things. You did Like. I'm like. I spent 2000 hours fucking wiping up piss that I missed. Pissing with a tool and you could probably buy instead of. How about just not texting while you piss, bob? Well, you got to get on the internet sometimes. You got to check those views. You got to see if, oh, one more view, cool Piss all over the toilet and floor. Don't mind if I do, don't mind if I clean up my own piss off the floor. Is that a right off the IRS? I have no fucking ride off the IRS. I have no fucking idea how the IRS works. I it is. I mean, I do, I have I've paid my taxes and if not, I shouldn't have given an address and wore a fucking hat with my fucking name on it. But it's just the world we live in. You know, I moved here.
Speaker 1:I asked I was ready to start, I was ready to get everything organized, and then I asked my roommate can you get the mail set up? And he's like oh, we, just we ain't been getting mail. And I'm like, do you think you can get that set up? So he didn't in the past six months. And then I did. And then today he called me and he's like hey, can we come home? Can you help me with, can you help us with our podcast?
Speaker 1:I can't wait to help them. I'm very excited to help them. I'm gonna be no part of it because I'm positive they're gonna say something that'll get them canceled. I think they're great guys. I think they're funny. I've just heard them talk and I know they're gonna report. They're gonna record it in the pod here.
Speaker 1:I'll help, I'll help. Hey, I'm a good friend like that. I'm a good. I don't have to agree with you to help you because I think that Jesus wanted that. Hold on, let me check. Yep, my Spotify wrapped was obviously all it was all story of the year.
Speaker 1:And then people, the one, the only thing ever I've heard. I feel like we've all got it figured out, cause then other people make fun of if you share it, other people, whatever. And then someone reminds you that, like no one pays Spotify but it's like well then, what do you you're? Are you buying every? You're buying? You bought, you're bought every song you listen to. Yeah, bobby, actually. Oh, my God, you're so much better than me.
Speaker 1:I've pissed while I'm in the Lyft. I'm the Lyft driver and I'm going to a call. I'm on my way to pick someone up. Get out of my car because I have to piss. Yeah, sorry, I'm not buying every single 99 cents every time I want to check a song out. Sorry, don't you miss the days of kmart, when you would fucking go into a kmart putting the dirt, the absolute, the dirtiest pair of headphones in the fucking county on. Just fucking put those on and then you have like I think you'd like you had like 10 choices to choose from of like new music. Don't really want to suck your nuts. I just want to tell you that I had nuts. Might sound crazy, but you know I got nuts because we all got nuts not all of us but when we start off, I think we all have nuts and I've never checked that. Oh, my god, it's just all going to be incorrect facts. Here's how you pay your taxes. You fuck Uh, yeah, my, it was. Uh.
Speaker 1:There are songs that it was on your Spotify rap. There are a couple of times you have a song on and you're like what? And I think what happens is I think the reason that it'll get a weird song in there is because when you're on Spotify, if you're like you know what you ever let that AI DJ take you on a ride. Let that AI DJ take you on a ride. I don't like. I don't like any AIs. I don't like any of them. Hey, what's up? I'm your DJ, I'm going to be showing you music. You might know, you might not know. I'm also going to ruin the song by slowly bringing the volume up. They basically like brought back.
Speaker 1:It's like how, like, whenever a DJ would talk over a song too much, shout out, chris Ward. Chris Ward was on the radio and he's a friend of the show. I don't even know what that means. He's a friend of mine is what he is. And when we were in, when we would be in St Louis, he was on the radio and one time I was, I started dating this girl. It was like one of the first times we hooked up and I had the radio on Shout out, how cool I am, just local radio.
Speaker 1:And when you come over, fucking talk about, talk about ambience, and so we she, we were like starting to you know, make whoopee. We were starting to make a whoopee goldberg and we, while in the other room I could just hear him and he was playing it and he I swear on my life because I've told him about this, this is not. He was like like they're playing yacht rock and he's like, yeah, this next song. And the song's like starting. He's like I love the intro right here, when it's like down now, no, no, he's talking over the song.
Speaker 1:I'm, I'm not and I know I was. It would sound like hacky if I was like I was trying, I was having trouble. Keep it up. I've never had a problem. I'm uh, the wind blows and I'm like, am I attracted to wind, even in my 40s? I'm in my 30s. I'm just telling you what my 40s are going to be like, even though I do get scared, because it's like literally every single place you go there's a fucking advertisement for Blue Chew. Like I'm at the grocery store and it's like on bananas, it's like got Blue Chew. You're like I'm getting fucking potassium. What are you? I don't know. Do I always have to be hard? My boyfriend gives me the ick if he's literally not completely erect.
Speaker 1:We live in that world where it's like oh my, if he's ever soft, you should be able to have a full day. You should be able to do a job, whatever that is Could be construction, could be in an office, could be one of those jobs that no one can ever fucking explain. And they have they, but they always got nice shit on. So you? They just like they think we don't know that they don't know what they're doing. Okay, anyway, but I, I, I'm off the rails, I'm gone. All right, we really need to get a producer for this show. Well then, fucking join the Patreon. Is that how you're plugging it this week? Mm-hmm, I'm definitely not putting text right there, just so you know. Um, do, do, do, do, do.
Speaker 1:I got such a weird energy this week and what was I? Just the fucking, sucking, fucking talking about Cause it was good and I'm here, and then I didn't intend I listen to, oh yeah, yeah. And then it tries that the dj, oh yeah, whoa, I did it, and then, yeah, so while I'm Chris Ward, I was uh, having sex and he's just like screaming in the background and it was not easy. He's like they keep telling me to stop talking over Yacht Rock, but I'm just gonna keep talking over Yacht Rock. And then I talked about the getting hard thing. Damn, I got ADHD, but I also, I'm good at it. I'm doing better. I'm working on myself, as you should be too, and if you want to write a letter to me about how much better you're doing, send it to fucking our PO Box, po Box 17821, austin, texas, 78760. If you got a big one for street addressing, it's 4516 Burleson Road, number 17821, austin, texas, 78744. So fucking, get at it. I fucking.
Speaker 1:I think the reason I'm in a weird mood is because I had to go my car. You know how, like, if someone like learns English, they always have like maybe like a, like a turn of phrase that they always say kind of or whatever. I feel like mine, like as a person who does speak english, I'm like my people know that I'm like my car, and then I say something because there's always something wrong with my car, swear to, it's crazy. But I got, I bought it from carmax, everyone else, hey, you know what? They got a lot of good reviews. You know who doesn't have a good review? Fucking this fucking guy.
Speaker 1:And hey, if you want to sponsor the podcast, I'll start saying a, completely, I'll start, I'll change my mind. You think I won't? Fucking. I'm a hundred percent. Will I give zero? If I will change my mind, no problem.
Speaker 1:But you have to help me out, because here's I, I was gonna buy a car and I looked it up on carmax and when you, if you don't know, it's like one of the widest places you can buy. It's not. It's like better than going to like a dealership or whatever. Because, like whatever. So I go to the, I save up, I look up everything for a year. Dude, I'm biking. I literally am biking from a place that took my plasma. They literally were like you really shouldn't ride your bike home and I was like, well, I really needed this 50 bucks. And she's like it's actually only 30 this week, next week it'll be, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm tired of doing math with no plasma, can I? All right. So I save up for a car and I find online, like in the area, the cheapest one in my zip code for by fucking far, and I get this. Fuck, I get this car so cheap.
Speaker 1:And I show up, we're gonna buy, we're signing paperwork, and this guy comes over and like whispers in this guy's ear like he's the fucking guy telling bush about 9-11. He's like, and he also because he also kind of had like a fake reaction what I? He's just like, he just goes, he like did that thing where like they need. So I guess I think acting's done. I don't know. Anytime I watch a movie I feel like we're like. It's just like, is it over? I don't know. I just got an agent, so I hope not for me. Like commercials, I would love. I hope I keep getting stuff Shout out to my agent, but I think, like acting's over, you need to no-transcript. So you got that for this master card give you anyway.
Speaker 1:So I, I, the guy, goes back and he talks and basically what had happened is like they didn't somehow they put it in the system, they put the, they probably put the car in and I found cheapest car and they're like who's going to buy this? And then they looked under the thing and like, honestly, like the underside, they said, had like a lot of rust on it, like on the actual frame, which is pretty important. So, but we do have a more expensive one. All right, fucking piece of shit. They're like, but we do have a more expensive one. You can buy that. You're already here. And I'm like, fucking, of course you do. And then they have a trouble financing me and I'm like I know.
Speaker 1:So then they give me this car and by golly, for the last year if I not had every fucking problem from my fucking engine dropping out to fucking every single thing, and then I took it in the other day and they're like, hey, your brakes and all this shit's bad, and was like I'm calling those motherfuckers and they're either going to look at it or I'm going to call a lawyer and try not to cry Because I'm like maybe give me the one with rust under it. What if I was right? A lot of people don't think Bob's right. I might be more right than you fucks. And I'm not saying that narcissistically, I'm saying that Stop testing statistically. I'm staying the status I call all day. What do you want from me? What do you want from me? So then I just dropped it off and so we're waiting to hear back.
Speaker 1:And I got high hopes. I got high in the pie apple sky bi hopes. And when you're feeling bi and stuff, just remember that, guys and girls, god, it would be so cool to be bi If you don't, if everyone has their feelings on sexuality. But you got to know that, like, honestly, being bi seems so cool that when you meet someone who's bi, you're like you, fucking greedy, fuck, it's just anyone in the world. You're just fucking get real. But I left the CarMax place and they the nice thing they did is they did buy. They're like we'll buy you, uh, we have like a, we have a deal, but we have a partnership with lyft. Oh, no way, because you're fucking us all over for money. So they have a partnership with lyft and this guy picks me up and we have a good conversation.
Speaker 1:I like, you know, I like talking. Sometimes sometimes they get, if sometimes people get a little too real and I'm like I really don't know, I don't need to know if you're not going to tell your wife that I don't need to know that. And dude, people do not waste a beat getting racist in a fucking, in a lift, like I've had the amount of lift or uber drivers saying things that I that would make my aunt and uncle, who say racist shit, fucking quiver. I'm like you can make a left up here and I'm like you know who makes fucking lefts. I'm like, oh my God, but I, I, uh, I'm very, I have very bad luck with cars and I also have very bad luck with conversations, cause I like talking to people and I I don't. I really don't because of, like I guess, my ADHD, I don't really think of where the conversation's going. I try, you know, you want to keep it like contained or whatever, but I don't like.
Speaker 1:I just don't think this guy was like I said how did I, how did we start talking about? Oh, we said something Somehow. We started talking about dogs and I was like, yeah, dogs are so special. He's like, yeah, and I was like, how? And I was like, oh, you got a dog. Of course I asked about his dog, and man, if I'm asking about his dog, and man, if I'm asking about your dog, it's always dying. I'm not. I feel bad for this guy, but I also feel bad for me. Oh, that's such a cute dog, what's going on with it? They both, all their fucking legs got fucking cut off and they're fucking. They just died.
Speaker 1:And now, and then I started driving left as soon as it what I? I brought it up, sorry, buckaroo, but then he did ask me if he could look up, and he's like what can I look up? And I was like a better career. I would never say that, because I do that sometimes when comedy's not going well. I drive Lyft. So if you guys are wondering what I'm doing after this, I'm driving Lyft. No, I'm not, because I'm going out of town tomorrow and I don't have my fucking car. Oh, they better give it back and it better fucking smell good, because the last time I dropped it off it was so dirty. It was so fucking dirty. I still haven't even cleaned it from them. That's how dirty it was. I don't know. I really don't. I'm the singing kangaroo and I'm from far away.
Speaker 1:I like to hop, hop, hop all day. Dude, I can, I do not want. I've not seen fucking big daddy in a minute. That movie is so sad. Do you remember being a kid? Even now, as an adult, I'm like how, when I was a kid, why, like, how did they know how to make kids understand like, because I know he's just getting like taken away and we don't understand like love or whatever, but it's still like a movie. But I remember's just getting like taken away and we don't understand like love or whatever, but it's still like a movie. But I remember that happening and I was like, ah, and the opposite happened whenever I watched.
Speaker 1:I finished the Twilight series because Tatum asked and then I asked her to watch Story of the Year. I sent. They have like the Bassassins DVD. It's awesome and they they have like a live part where they play music that rules. But the my opinion they're fucking the behind the scenes, shit, and I sent that to tatum and she's got to watch that and I had to watch fucking six hours of movies, uh, and I did not feel that movie sucks, those movies sucks, well, they don't.
Speaker 1:I was just. They just don't give you the same feel like there are times, there are moments of the movie where you're like, okay, there's something, there's I like this or whatever. But then there's just some stuff and man, it's just, it's such a dumb movie to laugh to. I really wanted we were talking about doing like, just watching those movies and talking over them, because it's I, it's such a, it's so stupid. Hell, I, oh god, I don't even, I'm not even gonna to talk about it right now. That's how that's I'll talk about. I will tell you this I just did a private show the other day at cap city and if you don't know what that means, in comedy sometimes you do shows that are not ideal for stand up, like, let me try.
Speaker 1:You ever been like at a? Uh, okay, you ever been at like one of those church picnics and they're giving out dogs? Not the place to do it, not where the families are drunk. Everyone's gambling at church, which is weird. You're like, don't gamble unless the pastor's spinning the wheel. It's fuck, it doesn't make any sense. Even as a kid I'm like, but it like doesn't make sense. Sometimes they'll do that for stand-up and they'll have a corporate event and they're like you know, what would be so funny is to have a comic perform for our staff, and so I got to do that and I actually had a great time, and maybe it was because I've gotten paid the most I've ever gotten paid to do five minutes in my entire life. But goddamn, if I'm not excited that I got to do that, I might have every minute been like check mark, oh, I mean that much. Two minutes, oh, let's go, because most and if you're like, oh wow, you're greedy, I bet that's all that happened you're killing it.
Speaker 1:The amount of times that I'm just going, I'm checking out of a place, going, i'm'm going to still be hungry Um, mostly, and it's not because I don't like I I have money to eat, but you're like on the road and you'll be like I have. None of this has nutrients, so I'm going to eat so much sugar that when I wake up I'm just going to shit at a loves. It's so embarrassing to sleep on the road and when you shit in a loves multiple times and someone's like, have a good day, and you're like, and you know that you're like, you're going to see me again, you're going to see me in here and I'm going to go take a shit with some of the stinkiest truck drivers you ever. I mean I'm not shitting on truck drivers, I am absolutely saying I've been in a lot of bathrooms, a lot of different kind of shitters and quitters and I'll tell you you this you go in there and you got some of these. I mean, what are they eating? Parts of the truck? What the fuck are they eating? It smells so bad.
Speaker 1:But luckily I don't have to do that as often because also, my friend tatum bought me a bed. She knew I was asleep because since for the last six months I think I was on there sleep, sleeping in my car, on the road, wherever didn't have a bed. Now I have a bed. She bought it for me. It felt so I've never. I didn't know I it came rolled up and I was like I unrolled it and she was like you have to let it sit for 72 hours. I was like, excuse me, I gotta let this fucking bed preheat. It's not. Just it doesn't open up and it's like do you? It was so weird to sit there last night and just watch my bed and just be like is it big enough now? No, and so I did.
Speaker 1:I was like I've been because I've been sleeping on the floor and a couch. Sometimes the couch has throw up on it from a dog. I'm not trying to brag. I'm not trying to brag about my life better than yours and this vomit I'm sleeping on, and then your roommate will clean it up and be like it's really not that bad. I'm like are we talking about vomit? Still, we're talking about dog vomit. And you said a little bit of shit got on the couch Just checking. Can't wait to help you with your podcast. But that's what love is. And also thank you to Tatum.
Speaker 1:She got me a bed and last night I slept on the floor and I woke up and I was so tired. I was like, and I slept on just the mattress. And you know what it's pre I've done. I did the same thing with the mattress that I've done with a DiGiorno's pizza. You open it up and you go, that cheese looks less white. I'm eating it. It takes that like white top cheese and usually you kind of want it to be kind of like golden and then some brown. It's perfect. But sometimes you open it up and you're like I know that the bottom is still going to be cold and I'm eating the shit out of that. That's what I did with that bed last night. Oh, I did that with that bed last night and I just and Tatum was worried that she was like I hope it's like good because I have. I'm getting old and my back sucks, but I slept great on that and I have not had a bed in forever.
Speaker 1:And I think I was saying that with that mattresses earlier. Who gives a fuck? I'm not perfect. I'm not fucking perfect. I'll tell you this. I'm not perfect. I'm writing a song about it.
Speaker 1:The other day I set up yeah, maybe I set up a recording studio in here too. Bobby, you also play music fucking poorly. I make it real shitty and I, because I've, because I have a microphone and the interface and all the stuff, I was like I bet I could record music. I have like a thing and I got my guitar. I could fucking plug in and it's this one right here. I thought we thought this one was fine, but I plugged it in. It is very hard to figure that out, but once you figure out how to set it up, I promise you, if you're lucky like me, it will then sound like shit. It literally sounded like I was playing guitar, so I had to get that. I got to get that going in there. And then you fuckers you guys are creatively will never be alone again, because I will always. I will always perform for you. I will always perform for you. I will always be here for you, much like in the movie Twilight with Ed Lerner oh my God, what a weird movie. Also, I can't who wants to live forever.
Speaker 1:It's a song. For a reason it's a song. I mean. I just Like imagine getting excited about going to high school again. Imagine I know we could do. I know I know what we've been around for. We could go back to high school.
Speaker 1:You know what? Like? What the fuck? Why would you not wait? I would have waited till I was if I was gonna be a vampire and had to pick an age 23 to 25. I would have waited till I was if I was going to be a vampire and had to pick an age 23 to 25.
Speaker 1:You pick 23, if you're like, if you're that guy that's like at a party and you fucking like jumping off stuff and getting fucked up and everyone loves it too, like everyone's like, we love him and we're sorry he broke his ankle. It's like my buddy Steve, like he that's a 23. Cause then you become timeless and you're and you can't die. Great that you 23. And then for everyone else, just through 24, through 25, you can wait If you want, want to have your brain feel more developed, and then you'll be kind of like a little bit more, like better with your frontal lobe. But if you're fun at 23, you should stay at that and then, if not, I think I needed to grow up a little bit because at 23, I was kind of fun.
Speaker 1:But I think that once my brain developed I was like oh my God, that was bullying. They were not my friends at all. I had no idea the coach would call me that all the time. Oh my God, Dude. I did see a teacher. I did see a teacher once like say something behind a student's back and I was like definitely thought they were on our side. That's crazy. I told a fucking principal that the kid was. I was like hey, I think this kid's not doing well and he might try to end his life. Can we help him, cause my parent? No one helped. And this is what another adult said. I I came the next day and I was like he sent me this message and she literally goes what do you want me to do about it? So if you guys are wondering what the school system is like, it's also that that principal had tried to hook up with the dude.
Speaker 1:We I did not go to a good high school, but if they want me to come back at first, if they want to pay me a hundred, I would love to do a show. Pay before the show starts. I mean, I'm probably. I mean fucking. I mean, besides Mike Chandler, I, it's Mike Chandler, the UFC star, and then me from Northwest, that's, it's the, it's the. That, it's that and it's it's first second. It's not like I'm, I'm the next one, and once I start doing if I'm recording music doing this, and once I start doing UFC, oh fuck, I can't do it. His buddy, his buddy Todd, broke my fucking, broke my leg in two. So I'm pretty much over.
Speaker 1:I'm definitely over wrestling, but I was gonna be so good, I was gonna win this. I was gonna win stape. God I. I'm so glad I didn't up rest Because I liked rest. I thought that was fun Because it's dude, you use your entire body. It's better than just a lot of sports where you just get winded. Do this whatever. But wrestling was cool. But dude, by high school, when everyone was coming to school in a trash bag and fucking throwing up into a fucking Pepsi bottle all day, just I'm the bitch I get from his ass is gross, he isn't.
Speaker 1:Yes, I always remember in high school just being like you know that these sports aren't important. Like when I would. I cannot tell you how many times I took the sports. I think there was, there was. I remember one time we went into the locker room and I it's probably because I also didn't play that much, but when I played I didn't give a fuck. We would come into the locker room and I remember this one guy got so mad. He threw his helmet and I was like oh yeah, and I like tossed mine. I was like I'm yeah, we're supposed to be pissed, and I remember he slipped because we had cleats. He got mad.
Speaker 1:And if you've never seen like a guy in like pads, if like whatever it's like, because they were walking in the locker room and we have the worst cleats on, like we have these like spiky cleats and you're not I think they're illegal, but I guess they didn't check or I don't remember but like they had the fucking like metal on the bottom. We get in there and he throws his helmet and he slips and falls backwards and I to this. It is so funny because, like it's just funny because this guy's always like I'm badass, I'll go in all the time and to watch a guy do that and then to fall. And when they fall he felt like a mannequin would fall if they just goes, just completely still. And then also it's funny because he was fine, because he had shoulder pads on, he didn't fuck, but he didn't have his helmet on, so he did crack his coconut, but then fucking calm down.
Speaker 1:That story was just for me, as are all of them. Oh my good, god damn, oh my god. I've been getting messages on uh, all my stuff because tatum is so popular. So now I'm getting like messages. And god damn, dude, if you, when we're gonna live in a this is what comments are. Imagine if you gotta be a little bit older at least to understand this. Not that much, but I feel like, because we all have tv. Imagine if, while you were watching tv, you got to just be like this news fucking sucks, it's like it's no one cares though, just move on with your life. This guy commented he's like fucking cactus Tate looks so fucking bored, bro, take a break. Yeah, that's what the podcast is called.
Speaker 1:I taught it's what I do, it's who I am, and she ended up taking me on tour. She asked me. So I think you're a fucking idiot, pete, pete, god. People think they got it all fucking figured out, don't they? Don't they, don't they? Oh, I got a fart, oh my God. But here's the thing, and I know you're, I would love to fart in this microphone, but I do not want to have to cut it out. If it goes which I think it might, which I don't shit my pants, I shit my butt, and if you don't understand that distinction, you shit your pants. You do which. I shared a lot of videos and when I shared one of shitty underwear, most views I've ever had in my entire life no, not most, second most After Mike Chandler. It's Mike Chandler. Did I say that earlier? Did I? Did I say because his brother's mike, mike chandler, right, my yes, yeah, I always watch usc.
Speaker 1:I literally walked, I walked by was his name john jones. I walked by him at the we're at the comedy store. We were like, walking by this guy's like dude, did you see that it was Jon Jones? And I go, who is that? And every single different kind of comic guys, girls, punk rock, sports, not every all the comics we were hanging out with, every just goes what. They were like you don't know Jon. I was like I've never even kind of heard that name. He's like yes, you have. I was like please don't mutton me. I was like I used to wrestle bro. I don't know if you know, but I used to wrestle bro.
Speaker 1:Anyway, that's the pod. Thank you, subscribe, like, send it to a friend and I will be in when this comes out. I think, yeah, I think this will come out. Yes, and I will be in wisconsin this weekend, uh, at the west bend theater, the bend with erica roads, very excited about that. And then I got a lot of stuff coming up. Look out for that. Just always be looking out. Don't fuck it, dude. Look 100, watch out and please spend me. Send me your spotify wrapped. Uh, I I'm sure I was your number one. Listen to podcast and for some reason I got zero notifications about it, so I'm fucking killing it. I'll see you later, ta-ta.