Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

#69 The Holidaze | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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The episode dives into personal stories about Christmas, moving experiences, and childhood memories, emphasizing the importance of redefining traditions as adults. With humor and sincerity, the host reflects on navigating life's transitions, the quirks of holiday celebrations, and the bonds we form over time. 
• Reflecting on reaching episode 69 
• Discussing weather and moving thoughts 
• The amusing concept of moving by river 
• Nostalgia over past pen pals and connections 
• Critique of traditional holiday expectations 
• Enjoyment of making homemade chicken tenders 
• Sharing thoughts on adulting and holiday experiences 
• Humor surrounding Valentine’s Day and Christmas 
• Thoughts on libraries and reading habits 
• Appreciation for sponsorship and listener engagement

Sign up for the Patreon at discombobulated at bobbyjcoxcom for as low as a dollar!

Speaker 1:

oh, welcome back to discombobulated. Thank you so much for coming back and supporting this. Um, we've made it. We've made it to. This is episode 69 and that's it. There's no. If you want me to make a 69 joke, that's not, it's 69. It's honestly just a number Sucking itself, okay, slinking its own doink, but anyway, we made it. We made it to 69.

Speaker 1:

It was the summer of 69, except it was winter and cold Not too cold, because I do live in Texas. Oh, there's just days where you're like 54, it gets that cold. And then there's some days where you're like that's actually kind of fucking. I got shorts on and I'm outside. Oh, must be nice. It is nice. That's why I'm talking about it.

Speaker 1:

I grew up in an area where people were like how about this weather we're having? And I'm like it's fucking great? In another place you could go wherever you wanted. You could get in a boat and fucking row it downstream and take all your stuff. Is that a leak? Can you move by river? Like, if I needed to move, could I do it like Huck Finn stuff? You know what I mean. Like that, like, can we get all of our stuff, tie some logs together and put all your stuff and just go down.

Speaker 1:

The mighty Mrs Is that. Can I do that? Can I get one of those storage pods and instead of having them ship it from city to city, which they're like we got great prices and I'm like, for who? Honestly, I just don't want any of my stuff anymore can you toss a storage pod like, can you do, you do that, or do you have to? You know cause? You can be like I'm restarting my life and you just fucking you hop on a bus and go to that city, but can you get in a kayak? I don't know. I would like to try next time for sure, cause it was way more expensive to just keep loading my car and be like, if anyone hits me, I'm getting my neck, I'm getting my head cut off with all of my records I don't listen to just oh, not the smothers brothers.

Speaker 1:

Like, could you imagine that's the cause of death? Could you imagine that's the cause of death? I got a Smothers Brothers fucking record going through my neck. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I remember these. Oh my God, that guy's dead for sure. The Smothers Brothers. So they're twins. They hung out with some of the Beatles. Uh-huh, mm-hmm, the Beatles. Uh-huh, mm-hmm, yes, mm-hmm, yeah, the Smothers Brothers. That's how I go out. I don't want to do that. I'd rather next time just take all my stuff and go down to.

Speaker 1:

Mighty Mississippi. Just grab a yeah, just get a canteen filled with water. Just get an old, rusty canteen and just and just all your stuff down there, get it. Get on it. Does the mighty Mississippi go to Austin? I don't know. I don't know what. I've seen a lake and a river here and I don't know where they're touching. I don't know who. They want to know what rivers they're related to. And if right now you're getting excited because you're, like I do, keep it to yourself nerd. No one really cares about river knowledge. I know so much about the ocean. Okay, cool, we'll talk about the ocean. Did you know that this river feeds it? It's, you're talking about rivers feeding Gross. If we're a river feeds, you should cover it with a blanket. I don't want to see that in public. Yeah, so thank you guys for listening.

Speaker 1:

I'm so glad we made it to 69 episodes and I don't know, if you noticed, I'm out of Breathe Right strips, so if you want, you could send them to the podcast. You could send them right here to PO Box 1721, austin, texas, 78760. It'll be popping up on your screen right now, popped up in a text Pa-pa-pa-pa. That's how we did it, or that way. Is that actually. Yeah, whichever way definitely worked. Send us, send us stuff, send some stuff into the podcast, send us. You got a question. I don't know if I'll answer it. That's not what I promised, what I do with this podcast, so this is a new thing. So if I see it and then throw it away, I might not want to be your pen pal.

Speaker 1:

I remember having a pen pal when we were kids and I think there's a couple of kids that like the next year got, like I think I don't know if mine died, but I got a new pen pal I don't know I, but I remember right into like a boy and then next year it was a girl and, of course, a lot of things could have happened. Maybe they did transit. I'm not saying that they did or did not transition. I'm saying it was a complete, it was a. I believe it was a different person. That's so. And I was like, and everyone else was like, oh good to hear from you. And I was like what's your favorite color? Like I'm starting baseline with my pen pals, did it also? Is that it was that a good thing? Like, was that ever a good thing for us to? That probably wasn't good to do when we were kids.

Speaker 1:

Right, you kind of want, like I feel like, especially at school, is like. You're like oh, I want to get to know people, like in other places. And as soon as you learn that they're like don't ever meet strangers, you're like well, how do I? That's what a pen. It's a pencil and paper friend. You can't hurt me with paper unless you got scissors in it. What does everyone keep yelling? Because I say paper rock scissors. Everyone says they're like oh, it's rock paper scissors. And everyone says they're like oh, it's rock paper scissors. I'm like it might be, but you know what I'm talking about, I guess, but you know what I mean. It's not like an official, is it an official game? Okay, google, what's the official name of paper rock scissors?

Speaker 2:

According to Wikipedia, the modern game is known by several other names, such as roshambo, roshambo, roshambo, batto, batto, pick and jack and poi ew, I'm not playing jack and poi with anybody.

Speaker 1:

Hey, you guys want to play jack and poi. Don't you ever talk about my poi again? Don't you talk about my little poi? Um, oh no, did it never has, never will. Um, I thought my, I have this piano here. Not trying to brag, I just fucking can kind of just I'm really good at piano, if I just like, I'll just not even try and just watch. So see what I mean. Not bad right, not a bad boy.

Speaker 1:

Not a bad boy, I broke the computer. Anyway, that's just something I got set up in case we want to have fun. We won't. How was your Christmas, dude? I did mean to, I didn't even. It was fucking my bad. I didn't even ask you how your Christmas was. How was your Christmas? Huh, huh. Did you get everything you want? Huh, good, um, good for you. That's great.

Speaker 1:

I live in a new city, which I highly recommend. I highly recommend, um, if you're from a place just moving to a different place and I am not being bah humbug, I'm a happy guy it's so nice when you don't have to go visit all the things I will say everyone else who is doing that. You do have to talk to them about it, though that is something you will have to do. I have a lot of friends that are like oh, my family, I'm like I don't talk to mine, so I don't want to hear right here every time I ask please, no, no, no, nope, what'd you get for christmas? Definitely not having to talk about that or arguing what did I do?

Speaker 1:

Fucking I, dude, I made one of the best meals of my life, and everyone always talks. They're like oh, I went to the store the day before Christmas I did forget a couple things and I had to go get some things and guess what, not that bad Got some stuff, came right back home Ooh, made homemade chicken tendies for the first. Oh my dude, I didn't even know I could do that. They were great. Can you smell that? That's how good they were. So it was fucking. It was really nice. And and also because I do feel like, as you get older, some people that I'm like they're like, are you going home for the holidays?

Speaker 1:

I'm like no, and they're like and I'm well. I also feel like it's different once you like, have kids right Like Christmas. Christmas is like a it's definitely what is it, you know? Like it's like a capitalistic kind of you know. It's a holiday, like if we took if literally next year.

Speaker 1:

It's like it's illegal to have Christmas. Let's just it's not. It's illegal. You can't pass gifts. You can't give each other gifts, you can't secretly do it. If you try, grandma's going to prison. Grandma get your geriatric ass to Christmas and then you're going to the federal penitentiary and we're sorry but you're gone. You're gone right now.

Speaker 1:

So if that's how you want to live Christmas which I do, I think, if you take that part of it away, how many people are really going home and hanging out? And I'm not trying to be a guy that sees through it, I just I do, I don't know going home and hanging out, and I'm not trying to be a guy that's like sees through it. I just I do. I don't know. I just know people that have complained about their family and then they go home and they come home and they have new socks and a bunch of stories about how bad the I'm like. You paid. It was like you on the cheapest, you drove there, you stayed with them. You got a tummy ache from eating food that you're, we're gonna eat ham. I don't want, I've, we've never, we never eat ham. It's also.

Speaker 1:

I feel the exact same way and I'm not being shitty. I think. Go visit your family. I think all that I'm not. That's not what I'm shitting on. I am shitting on the idea of Christmas. If you don't have, if you're, and if you're like I have kids, that's fucking so different. That's awesome. But if you're like just a person, you could go to fucking Tahiti. I don't even know where that is, I don't even know if that's a good place, but you could do so many things.

Speaker 1:

And I feel like the exact same way about like, like Valentine's Day, like if I've dated someone, it's Valentine's Day, like everyone's like. What are you guys doing for Valentine's Day? And I'm like we're definitely not going to the restaurant that everyone's going to. You know what I mean. It's like definitely still doing something at home. You definitely still like it's the day of hearts or whatever. It's the day we talk about our. There should be a long day for how much I love you too. But they, you do that. And I'm like but also, you don't really need one If that's, if you have to remind yourself how important other people are on that one day, it seems a lit, it just seems a little backwards and it's probably, and you're like, you're probably thinking through everything.

Speaker 1:

We're comics. That's fucking what I do, and that's what we all do. We think about this shit while you guys go home and eat food, and then the next day, I also shit like shit, I. And then the next day, I also shit like shit. I also ate too much ice cream. Later, too, you will eat bad. No matter what, you don't have to go home to a town and get a tummy ache. You could party with your friend. That is not what I did, though. Last night I literally have.

Speaker 1:

I was so sick when I was on the road that I just yeah, when I got home, I fucking went to bed and I stayed there for a couple days, and you might think it's you're like bob. It sounds like you don't like christmas and you're depressed. I swear to god, partially, but the other part is is that literally sometimes like I didn't have a bed for six months and I was sleeping in hotels, and when I would come home, I would sleep on the floor and complain to nobody, and so if I'm going to do that, if that's something I'm going to do, you know I'm going to sleep on the floor. Then, finally, I'm going to sleep on a bed. Yeah, I'm going to sleep in a couple days and then I've fucking just been, but then working out too. I started my backflip training today, not bragging, I landed a couple on some soft to soft, but I got to fucking. I got to really get my backflip game going. You guys are going to be fucking blown away this summer when I'm.

Speaker 1:

I look dude, you're like is that the Pink Power Ranger? You're like yes, it is. Is that JoJo Siwa? That's not funny. Is that JoJo Siwa? That's not funny. Is that JoJo Siwa with a beard? That's not funny. Don't be mean. Looks like girl B. We do look similar-ish, we do. We have similar hairlines from being dance girls. When we were kids I was a college cheerleader for two days. You fucking know that. Anyway, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I'm just the Christmas season. I feel like I'm glad. I hope you guys had a good time. I hope everyone did, but I'm just. I'm just excited for the new year. We got 2025 coming.

Speaker 1:

Everyone's kind of like, what's it going to be like? Because I feel like 2024 felt like when you go to your favorite restaurant and it was just like an okay meal. You know what I mean? Not for me. I had a blast, but I tried way harder than you, so I had a blast, but also I had to be poor, so you probably had more money. It's a back and forth, but I had to be poor, so you probably had more money. It's it's a back and forth, but I had a black, but I feel like for most people, 24 like from there I feel like a lot of concert.

Speaker 1:

Everyone's just kind of like well, and then I feel like 2025 is gonna be like. It seems like it's probably gonna be so spicy, but you have to eat and you're like ah, like in 2024, everyone was kind of bored with stories, but now we're getting to like the hot ones episode, or like the part where it's like you're eating the chicken wings and in the middle you're just like yeah, my grandma grew up. Where's this ad on the Scoville? Okay, I was just trying to pay my taxes. Who's getting ready to pay their taxes? I can't hear you Because you're not. It is tax season.

Speaker 2:

Hey, who got their W-2?

Speaker 1:

When I say W, you say 2. W, w. When I say get them, you say papers, get them, get them. When I say, do I need a printer at home? Fuck, why do I always need a printer just for this one time, and then I don't use it, and then I move and then I don't have a One, two, two, fucking goddamn printers.

Speaker 1:

I'll go to the. You're not going to the library. Stop fucking lying about the library. Everyone lies about. I've lied about the library. Oh, I'm just gonna go. You know what's actually for. Shut the fuck up then. Instead of getting on netflix, yeah, go to the library and rent a fucking physical dvd. I god, I need to really start doing that, though. It really does save so much money. But people, I go to the library. No, you don't. I've been to the library. It's homeless people with an open book sleeping, and I'm not laughing at I am not laughing at homeless people, I'm laughing at libraries. I'm laughing because I've been at a library and I've done it because I've been pretty homeless. So I know, and if you're like, oh, that's mean, you're not going to the library, bobby, I read books and you get a new one on Amazon every fucking time.

Speaker 1:

Every every time. Bet you got some new books for Christmas. There's, oh, the book about the sex fucking dragons. Got a new book coming out called the Time Warp of Warped Dorm. Just I, oh, people who read really disgust me. I hate, I hate you. I hate you.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my god, if you're like because, also on the off chance, you've read the books I have, I'm like because the people will be like I read a lot. I'm like me too. They're either self-help or biographies. And then you tell someone that and then you're like have you read this? And they're like no, and then they got to talk about their books. And then you'm like I don't know if you heard me, I've read fucking seven books in my life and six of those were read to me by someone I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Oh, you got to read. I'm not reading your book, but I'm also going to be better, but I also try not to. I also don't. I'm not like you got to read this, I'll just be like I've read that. And then people are like you got to read this. I'm like what the fuck are you talking about? That's just people being people.

Speaker 1:

And you got to deal with it, even though no one else is and everyone who's in therapy is probably doing worse than anyone else you know Than anyone. Bobby, you're dancing at home alone and the only reason it's fine is because you're uploading this later. That's the only reason what I'm doing right now is okay. If I wasn't doing this and then uploading it later and then sharing it on my Instagram and being like follow For 16 people, if I wasn't doing that, this would just be crazy. So I'm no better than you. It's crazy to go home for Christmas to someone you don't like. It's also crazier to have equipment and sitting in a bedroom and you have a roommate and you're roughly 56 years old and I haven't checked. I think my roommate might be in high school, I swear to God, and I'm not. I don't know 19. That's my new guess. I haven't seen his ID. I think he is 19 years old and it might sound like that's like a passive, aggressive way, for sure. But yes, for sure.

Speaker 1:

But when someone doesn't help clean up and they're still cockroaches and you're like what is there? Just like, is there some common ground? Like maybe you also take out the trash or fucking, do that, and they're just like can I get you guys on that beer? I get out. I woke up to it was he dude.

Speaker 1:

This motherfucker was up at I can't even remember what time. And he's like, hey, what's the deal with this beer in the fridge? And I said I don know what the fuck is the deal with all the beer cans that are open all over the place? And he's like, yeah, you're right, that shall never happen again. I swear to God and on my life. There is a pile on the floor. I'm not kidding, I am not kidding. There is a pile of. I have to do. I just have to get it out and say that and then just be like, yes, this guy's going to live like a child and you know, and he's got a girlfriend. That's great. I can't. She knows how he lives. It's, that's great, that's very, it's awesome.

Speaker 1:

I'll clean up. I'll be the first lady that I'll just clean up the kitchen and stuff after him. His room's just gonna have toenails on the ground. I'll just walk by that. But everyone else, you know, have fun taking care of. He's very. He's a sweet, funny boy. He's short, he's a sweet, funny boy who has no idea what to do after you cut a toenail. And I've known guys like that. They're funny, they're great. I hope it, you know. I mean, I love the guy. That's why you know, that's what I'm talking about on the podcast I'm gonna make. I'm we'll figure out a way to make merch so we can get you a fucking cleaning person. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1:

What have we got here? It's a bunch of fucking. Oh, do we have a sponsor today? I forgot Today's sponsor. We have Matt Smats, forgot today's uh sponsor. We have, uh, matt smats, uh. So if you need a mat, fucking, you can call matt, call matt, and they have every kind of mat. You could want a fucking bed, which is a mat. They got fucking yoga mats. They got those fucking thin yoga mats that you're like I guess this is fine, but I would love to be a little bit thicker. So go ahead and call matt matt's for that, and then then go to Jim's gym, follow them at a Jim's gym and Matt's Matt's. Those are real sponsors who have paid time and time again and I keep forgetting to mention them, but this episode I definitely did. So thank you. Here's to Matt's, matt's. Here's to you, here's to you. Ooh, goddamn, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1:

At some point during my dancing I spilled coffee. Is that all over my shoe too? Sometimes you just be having too much fun. Too much fun. What's that mean? It's like too much fun. Don't be fucking dumb. You know what that mean Car too fast, being too skinny, a kiss in my ass.

Speaker 1:

No matter what they say I've done, I ain't never had too much fun. Too much fun. What's that mean? It's like too much money. There's no such thing. It's like I'm born too heavy, I'm too class being too, I'm born too fast. There's no such thing like a bone tooth every A clean tooth, class being too A bone tooth.

Speaker 1:

No matter what they say or have done, I ain't never had too much fun. I ain't never had too much fun. Would it be okay if I talk like this In the rest of my life? That actually wouldn't be too bad. I ain't never had too much fun. Would it be okay if I talk like this in the rest of my life? That actually wouldn't be too bad.

Speaker 1:

Hey, how you got mad. I've been very good. Can't see you guys Like is it illegal? Because I don't there's. It's like it's not nice. If you're, you should like make fun of people, but I'm only making fun of a guy doing an impression in a movie and I just think it'd be people, but I'm only making fun of a guy doing an impression in a movie. I don't know why that's so fun and I haven't seen that. I can't god. I haven't seen the movie forever and I have no desire to. I haven't remember that was like one of those movies everyone's like you gotta watch. And then you watch and you're like fuck, okay. It feels like if everyone's like dude, before you got you got that, you got a bench press like a fucking 300 pounds and you're like okay. So then you go under, you're like dude, it was heavy. You're like oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, it's called sling blitz. You're like, a little bit of warning would be nice. My parents don't talk to me about that. All the dirty movies we have, it's like Porky's and fucking Roadhouse and I'm jerking off to those and I am not jerking off to this one. Dude.

Speaker 1:

When you're a kid oh my God, that sounds weird. You know what I mean. When you're like, that's when you're a young, that's just what happens. When you're like figuring stuff out, got a fucking army crawl into, get a VHS out out of your parents room and then army crawl back out and just you're like, and you get to army crawl out and you're hard. By the way, by the way, you're hard, so you're army crawling, which? And you're, you're kind of, you're like, you just like try to get on your back and like slide back to your room, but then your dicks oh my god. That's funny to me because I that happened to me.

Speaker 1:

I'm telling you this is a personal. What do you want from me? It's a podcast that I'm talking about things that have happened to me, and then you go back in your room and then you watch the movie Roadhouse. Ooh, I'm going to make you my regular set of nothing. Oh, I'm getting hard now. Oh shit, I'm going to slip in the coffee. Ah, ah, ooh, I'm going just set it back down.

Speaker 1:

Um, I lost my train of thought. Just haven't found much. Oh no, I did. I remember, yeah, I was gonna trying to figure out how to do that, but why was I talking about that? That was just so much fun. God, that was the worst time in your life, just when you had to fucking find something to. Oh god, yeah, no, sl Blade.

Speaker 1:

What other movies did my parents have? I remember they had Dances with Wolves, but I don't know why, I think, cause I remember like I remember watching Titanic and that was a two-parter, and I think the Dances with Wolves one was too. I feel like it was just like not a movie that like you kind of either, watch it with your family, so you get like an appreciation for like a movie. But I really I barely remember that. I think like one time I was like I stayed home sick and I tried to watch it and after I was done I was like what it was like in and out of sleep. Kevin Costner is in a mustache Yep, he's in a mustache. Like that, if I would have to give like a presentation. Like bobby stayed home sick and you had to watch a movie, would you watch? I watches dances with wolves and kevin costner has a mustache and he is fighting for the good side, the bad side of the civil war. I don't remember what side of the Civil War.

Speaker 2:

I don't remember.

Speaker 1:

What side of the war was Kevin Costner on? Okay, Google. What side of the Civil War was Kevin Costner on? In Dances with Wolves?

Speaker 2:

According to Wikipedia, it is a film adaptation of the 1988 novel Dances with Wolves by Michael Blake that tells the story of Union Army Lieutenant John J Dunbar, who travels to the American frontier to find a military post and who meets a group of Lakota.

Speaker 1:

So he's already winning. He was already winning. He was already on the Union side. That was right. That's the North.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I get very confused when I talk out loud, think about what's going on inside. I should, and people are like god, you talk fast, fucking, get on in. I feel like, uh, what's that? Uh, superman or whatever. Whenever, because, like people find out that like earth's like loud for him or whatever, so he takes off like the other guy's headphones and the guy from his plane, it's like, oh, he's like that's what I hear all day, that's that. So if you think I fly around fast, you should hear the inside. It's not good.

Speaker 1:

This episode is sponsored by better help. You better help me or I'm gonna fucking. So this episode sponsored by better help. Uh, type in code bobby, and they'll be like there's no code. We keep telling people that if you need help, you should stop. They say stop listening to that podcast. That's what they tell you at better help, though, like, if you type in bobby, they're like we are actively suing him for even bringing us up generally at all, as if his podcast is some way of life you should potentially be living at all. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, you better help us fucking get this lawsuit going. So Bobby, stops mentioning us, because people will message us and they're like can you help me? And they're like definitely not.

Speaker 1:

How many episodes of Discombobulated have you listened to? Ten, you're fucking fucked. If you're ten deep into this, you should sign up for the Patreon. It's available at discombobulated at bobbyjcoxcom. It's something like you know how to fucking just discombobulated at Patreon, you can get it for as cheap as a buck. What A buck, what A dollar. One dollar. So sign up for the Patreon, like subscribe, do all the things. Send us, send us the fucking, send us your merch and we'll wear it on the pod Again, unless I don't want to, you know, because that's how life be, and so thank you for doing this. I don't know whether you're at work, whether you're driving, whether you're in church. Oh God, please listen to this in church. Please put in. No, don't try to be sneaky. Put on beats by. You're like those beats by drake, like those big headphones. Have the headphones on and be red. I want them. And just like. Be doing that and just like, and I don't there's no music and only like, but just having fun while the guy's like putting bread in the air.

Speaker 1:

It's like oh do you think that there is there a Catholic church where they like change that up, god? I would love to hear some key changes, hosanna.

Speaker 2:

In the in the?

Speaker 1:

that'd be sick. So anyway, check it out, listen to us. Wherever you can share it with a friend, check out the merch. We're gonna have stickers up soon. I have a bunch of stickers that we just got in, so if you want an assorted, you can get online, and I don't know, we'll figure out the price. It'll be on the website as soon as this is out. So, thank you, go check it out. Thanks for being you. We'll all be around. I got shows in Austin, so if you live in Austin, come out and see me. If you live around the country, I can't wait to see you somewhere this year. Tell me where you live. Tell me exactly where you live. Tell me where you live. You tell me where you live, jk. Bye, have a good night. See you later, dudes.