Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
“Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox" is a hilarious and insightful podcast that takes you on a wild ride through the mind of comedian Bobby Jaycox. With his unique perspective as a comedian with ADHD, Bobby shares his unfiltered thoughts, stories, and experiences in a way that will leave you laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Join Bobby and his guests as they navigate the chaos of everyday life, discussing everything from relationships and pop culture to mental health and personal growth. Get ready for a rollercoaster of laughter, relatability, and a whole lot of discombobulation. Tune in now to experience the world through the eyes of a comedian with ADHD.
Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
#81 Brazil Birthday Times A Brazillion | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
Bob Jaycox greets his "she's, he's, they's and gay's" with the unmistakable warmth and self-deprecating humor that's made Discombobulated a favorite among comedy podcast fans. This episode finds Bob in rare form as he riffs on the peculiar satisfaction of embracing your own body odor, particularly when you're "stinking and trying your hardest."
With knees that sound like "when you should take the popcorn out of the microwave," Bob explores the unique indignities of aging into your mid-30s. Just when you think you've figured life out, your body starts betraying you in increasingly vocal ways. The podcast takes a surprisingly philosophical turn when Bob contemplates the nature of the afterlife, wondering if hell simply stinks like a grandparent's house, while heaven smells like a rich person's home—clean, but with a hint of "we're better than you."
One of the episode's most cathartic moments comes when Bob describes hurling his Google assistant against the wall in a fit of rage. "I threw that thing like the first pitch of a game, but I'm like a governor who doesn't know how to throw," he confesses, reveling in the pure satisfaction of destroying something that had been causing him frustration.
The episode culminates with Bob's excited plans to visit Brazil for the first time to see his favorite band, Story of the Year, perform. His attempts to learn Portuguese lead to a hilarious struggle with technology that somehow leaves his Google assistant speaking Portuguese and refusing to stop. Between announcing tour dates across Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Florida, Utah, and California, Bob manages to deliver an episode that feels like hanging out with your funniest, most unfiltered friend.
Whether you're battling your own aging body, contemplating infinity, or plotting your escape to South America, this episode of Discombobulated reminds us it's okay to embrace the chaos. Listen now, and remember—as Bob says—you don't have to be good, just don't be bad.
I'm going on the road with Cactus Kate. We are going to be on the road. We're going to be at Soul Jewels Comedy Club in Pottstown, pennsylvania, on Saturday the 5th, and on the 6th we're going to be at the Pittsburgh Improv in Homestead, pennsylvania. Come out and see a show. And then I'm going to be opening for Emma Willman at the Hartford Funny Bone in Manchester, connecticut, on April 11th and 12th, and then on April 18th and 19th we have four shows at Off the Hook in Naples, florida. That'll be great. And then on April 25th and 26th.
Speaker 2:Wise.
Speaker 1:Guys, wise Guys in Salt Lake City, utah. Four shows, four chances to see us, and I'll be on the road with Patrick Tate. Even some more at the end of that month in April Libre Improv On April 30th. On May 1st, oxnard Levity Live in Oxnard, california. May 2nd, pasadena Ice House. Also May 3rd, same place, ice House, pasadena, california. You can get your tickets at Punch-Up Live slash Cactus Tate. So check it out, check it out. What's it all about? We don't know. Here's the episode.
Speaker 3:Hey, she's, he's, they's and gay's how the heck are ya? Welcome back to another episode of Discombobulated. I'm your host. I have slight BO how you doing. And the BO I have is cause yeah, BO, that's how you spell the beginning of my name and I don't leave home without it. I don't leave home without that stank on me. Yeah, I got that stank on me. I got that stink. I really do. I actually have.
Speaker 3:I got back from the road and you usually first you take that decompression shower, but then I had that depression. Let's skip this shower, let's not shower and do that thing where you're like, do you stink? You're like fucking hell, yeah, I stink. Do you stink? Yeah, it fucking sucks, how bad I stink. God, I love that stank. I love when you get that stank on you, Bob. Why, I don't know, Because it's really gross. But I think sometimes when you stink, you're like I fucking stink and I'm trying my best, I stink and I'm trying my hardest. And the reason I stink is because, for the first time in fucking years, I was like I'm um, uh. And the reason I stink is because for the first time in fucking years, I was like I'm gonna start just like taking care of myself. So I've been taking care of myself and apparently, as you get older to be as a 34 year old man, you gotta, you gotta start working out, because I would just like wake up and I what? Even you wouldn't be depressed, Like you would actually feel good and you'd be like I could fucking totally go for dying today and not in like a depressive way, just being like so when did my knees start to stop popping again? If, like my in your thirties, your knees start to sound like when you should take the popcorn out of the microwave, Like whenever they're like there's like enough, there's like enough pops, then you don't want to burn it. Like. That's how my knees are. Like. I'm like, oh, sit down to watch Netflix. I'm. You know what I'm going to do. I'm going to eat and I'm going to sit up and I'm going to bend my leg over. And as soon as you do it and you go, oh shit, better, take this fucking knee out of the microwave. Once you pop that fun, don't stop.
Speaker 3:It is weird. As soon as you start to think you figure out life, your body hurts. People are like God's not real. I'm like he is and you're like it could be a she. No, it's a he. He's an asshole. This is he's like oh, it could be a she. No, it's a he, he's an asshole. God is a woman. No, I think God's a man and I think God's an ass fucking hole. The more you start to understand life, you're like oh shit, my knees and my back doesn't work. Oh, I get it. Ow, Are you kidding me? What a stinky trick of life. What a little stinker that God is. But I guess it would be weird to like. I guess, once you figure it out, then you're like if your body did work, great, I bet everyone would really be really shitty to each other, Because people are shitty to each other as they realize we all die one day. But if you realized you got healthier the longer you lived, oh God, people would. That would be no bueno, Right Wrong.
Speaker 3:Picture me in a thong. What color was it? Green, Maybe it had. Maybe it was made of snake skin. You'd need a pretty big snake. If Bob's in a thong and it's made of snake skin, you'd need a pretty big snake. If Bob's in a thong and it's made of a snake, it could be a gardener snake, that would be.
Speaker 3:I want to get a. That's what I want for this summer. I'm going to get a snake thong and it's going to be real authentic snake. But people are like, what kind of snake? I'm like gardener the least scary and smallest of the snakes. Is it gardener or gardener?
Speaker 3:I don't care anymore. You ever that's. That's also something that happens as you get a little and I'm not being like I'm older, but like there are certain things that, like I used to be, like I want to try to learn everything and now I don't care if I know a bunch of. There's so many things. I don't care if I don't know. I might even be getting to the point where I think I'm, I might be set in my ways because someone will tell me something and I'll be like no, actually that's this, and I'm just like I'm not going to, I'm just going to think what I have thought, Because, guess what? I think it's okay. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, but, uh, Was that a bug in my house? Did I just hear a? No, that was something that fell. Oh, that was my head scratcher. God, aren't these things fucking hot?
Speaker 4:Oh.
Speaker 3:Oh, nothing like scratching your head and being able to smell your fucking body odor. Oh, if this doesn't stink and feel great, which is probably what hell is like, hell probably is. You're like God, this place stink and feel good Because if you're allowed to do whatever you want, you're probably doing whatever you want, but you're probably like man no one's taking the garbage out in hell. This place stinks Like. Imagine, hell doesn't suck, it just stinks Like. It smells like your. It smells like your, like your grand, your grandparents, or, if you were lucky enough, like me, to have great grandparents, it would like it like smells like their house, like you're like oh what? Oh, wow, you can do anything you want here. You can't even get in trouble. What the hell is that smell? I don't smell it on my parents. I don't smell it at our house. Why does it kind of smell? Like?
Speaker 3:When I was a kid, there used to be like you would go to the mall and that you could, they would also sell puppies. Like you would go to the mall and they would also sell puppies and cats and stuff at the mall and you could go into a room and I remember like a couple times playing with a dog like you, would just do that more often. It was actually kind of sick and you would go in there and you'd be like, oh, we're gonna play this puppy, that room where all these animals played in like shit, and then like an employee who works at a mall who gives half a rat's ass to clean up a shit from an actual rat someone wanted to see in a room like they would put you in like a conjugal visit room and they're like here's you and a snake. That's how your grandparents house smelled and that's got to be what hell smells like. Right, that's got to be the stink on hell, but and I bet heaven doesn't smell good either heaven probably smells like you. Right, that's got to be the stink on hell, but I bet heaven doesn't smell good either. Heaven probably smells like you ever go to a rich person's house and it smells clean. But you know there's like a sarcasm underneath it of like we're better than you, because that's what heaven is, it's an elite group. So it would be like those people's house where you're like it smells good, but it also smells like, I don't know, like apricot and not asshole, but like you being an asshole. God could you. That's such a. That's something that I used to like I wouldn't even whenever I'd believe in like being a good person or a bad person through the eyes of like God and religion.
Speaker 3:When I was like younger, I still wasn't ever like scared of hell. You're like that just place doesn't seem real. You know what is always scary? Infinity, a never ending, a never ending. Hold your breath under a tunnel. Do you guys do that? Whenever you go into a tunnel, go then fucking hold your breath. You know me and Tatum do that on the road and like it's something fun to do. But what that's like. Imagine if it never ended. That's what heaven is. That's scary. That's so scary. I even remember asking my mom. I remember so fucking clearly. I was like mom. So there's like heaven and hell and she's like, yeah, shut up. It's the mid nineties and we're all fucking, fucking. Everyone's hungover from the 80s. I'm hungover. I fucked at the end of it and had you. That's how we wrung out the 80s Making you, making a BJ that's your initials. I'm not being.
Speaker 1:I like.
Speaker 3:Goriath, did I lose my hold or anything? But I asked my mom and she was stressed and I was like having. She was like, yeah, I remember she was stressed because then I go well, what? So, like you're just in heaven and like on a cloud, and she's like, yeah, and I remember like I was more, I was really questioning it. I was like what do you do? She's like I don't know, like I've never been to heaven, I'm like, well, this is awesome. Like it just feels like we're both at the DMV.
Speaker 3:You ever like ask someone in front of you and they're not helpful. And you're like I guess you don't have to be helpful, but I bet someone helped, showed you where that fucking kiosk was. So I was like, mom, what's heaven? And I remember her going, yeah, you would, you might be there forever. And then I was like can you color in heaven? And she could have just lied, I guess. But then instead she was like I, I don't know. And then I go what if I want to color? And she's like, well, then go color right now. Like imagine your kid trying to talk about infinity and heaven, one of the hard concepts or whatever. And then you're like, just fuck, can you please go fucking color pikachu in the other room please? I actually don't know if he was out yet. Okay, google. When did pikachu come out out of the closet?
Speaker 2:like I said, here's some information from the web that might possibly help. According to wikipedia, developed by game freak and published by nintendo, the japanese franchise began in 1996 with the video games pokemon red and green for the game boy, which were later released in North America as Pokemon Red and Blue in 1998.
Speaker 3:I fucking hate her so much she's just been stopping my music. I'm sure that I bought a Google. I think this was a gift. Actually, I think it was a gift from Briggs. But I think that this uh, okay Google thing that I have, the Wi-Fi is on. If you guys want to know how much I hate those Google things, if you want to know how much I hate it, and I've had them for a long time. But I'm like, can it work? It's a speaker and it's not that good. Why does it have to become obsolete? Why does it? It's like hang on while I connect it to the Wi-Fi.
Speaker 3:But I took the old one and I was at home and I just got home. And I was at home and I just got home and I was like I'd set a timer and it wouldn't stop and I'm like I can't say it out loud because it'll stop. I'm like stop timer. And it wouldn't. It just beep, beep, beep, beep, and then you try to wait for the quiet. I'm like stop timer. And it didn't stop. And so I picked that fucking thing up and I threw it so fucking hard against my wall and I got to tell you I feel like I might start going to Goodwills and buying stuff because those break rooms, god, it feels pretty good. I mean, I threw that thing like the first pitch of a game, but I'm like I'm a governor who doesn't know how to throw.
Speaker 3:I was like I threw it so mad and angrily and weird and it fucking felt amazing and it hit that wall and I picked that fucker up and it shook. Where is that fucking thing? Where is that thing?
Speaker 1:Shit.
Speaker 3:Where did I put that Hang on?
Speaker 2:Where did I put you?
Speaker 3:I won't say that you played our parts most of the days and maybe some days, but so would the good God damn.
Speaker 3:All things end when the fuck I might throw the other one Against the wall Just because I can't Fight this one, damn it. I wanted to show you guys, I wanted to show you how it shook. Who cares? Who fucking cares? I guess I share a little bit, but I was just saying and I'm never that, I'm not like I usually it's like I've punched a wall because I was mad or something like that. And I'm not saying that, I'm not condoning that, I'm just saying like I've done that and afterwards like that was not good and that felt like shit. But I'll tell you what throwing an AI-ish thing, just saying like I've done that and afterwards like that was not good and that felt like shit. But I'll tell you what Throwing an AI-ish thing against the wall, oh, that's how it makes you feel and we light up the sky. Mind illusions equating Bubbles, erotica, titanium, wedding rings, icicle, stretching Bicycle, one flag, flaggy for one, painting a painting of your life. Eyes to the google Against the wall. Through the Google against the wall, through the Google against the wall.
Speaker 1:And it felt really good.
Speaker 3:My delusions equating Dude, how. Oh my God, I'm just going to go on the tangent because it's my podcast. And why the fuck not, but God, if you've never gone through?
Speaker 3:a system of a down phase. Oh God they're good. Goddamn they're good. You know, rick Rubin doesn't work with anybody, just anybody. A guy can work with the Dixie Chicks and and fucking System of a Down. It's fucking pretty cool, dude. That's God. I'm gonna listen to that song as soon as I'm done with this fucking episode. But I'm gonna hit ask Google and she's gonna fucking piss me off. Hang on while I get connected to the system.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, who gives a shit? But dude, me and Cactus, we're going on. We're going on tour tomorrow or I don't know when I put this out, but we're going to be on the road and I luckiest boy ever getting even luckier we're going to fly. It was better for price and everything to fly into Philly. So we're going to fly into Philly and we get to go see a show at the club that night, which I love doing. It's so fun to come in a night early. I always remember Ryan Stout coming in, like coming into town early and like he would mostly be like at the open mic or if there was like a showcase the night before or like something like that. And he explained it to me. It's like that. It was like that worked out and it was cheaper and everything. But the fact that we're getting there. We just get to go there where special and just hang out at one fucking kicking shit, but to hang out at like one of the greatest clubs in the country and I'm just fucking, I'm pumped.
Speaker 3:But I know a lot of my buddies are not in town, that are Philly guys and girl but uh, I can't wait to uh, yeah, we're excited, so we're gonna go to Philly and then we're gonna be in. I already talked about that. But um, yeah, I just I'm fucking. I'm a very lucky boy and uh, not only am I going on tour, I'm adding dates pretty much all the fucking time. I'm gonna be on the road with tatum, I'm gonna be on the road with emma, as you know, and I'm gonna be headlining myself. But I'm always headlining in my brain imagine what it feels like up in there. But uh, yeah, I'm gonna be on the road and.
Speaker 3:I just, sometimes you put stuff into the universe. Sometimes last night you notice something while you're trying to book shows and you're looking at the dates and then your brain that's so sweet goes why don't you just double, triple check where story of the Year's playing? And they're going to play in Indianapolis and I might go to that one, but god damn it, I keep kicking this thing. But they are also going to be playing in Brazil and Bobby Jaycox at this point in his life has never been out of the country. And I looked up flights just to piss myself off, just to be angry, to be like, let's look how much a round trip to a part of South America. Okay, google's Brazil and South America. I know I make fun of you a lot, but please help me.
Speaker 2:According to Wikipedia, brazil officially Brazil in South America. I know I make fun of you a lot, but please help me. According to Wikipedia, brazil officially, the Federative Republic of Brazil is the largest and easternmost country in South America. It is the world's fifth largest country by area and the seventh largest by population, with over 212 million people.
Speaker 3:Thank you. So I want to go there because I turned 30 fucking five and I've never seen, I've never been out of the country yet. Might be in july, we're well, I say might be, I just don't know because I could get sick. But we're going to, I'm going to canada, but, uh, to do stand-up what? And then, uh, we're gonna.
Speaker 3:I did you're allowed to get excited, fucking. Sometimes you're fucking uncool if you're, I can anyway, and so they're gonna be playing in brazil. And I looked up around, trip, and it was not as crazy. It would be like, why don't you pick up some extra shifts, you know, for your kids? But it's the, my kids are my dads and they're in story of the year and I kind of want to fucking save up money and go see them fucking play in brazil on my birthday, which I don't know how the lines work and stuff. Maybe it won't be on my birthday because of how time, but who gives a flying fuck because it will be ish but I might go see. I just what do you mean? Might I'm going to see Story of the Year in Brazil on August 23rd and then I'm going to try to really save money so I can stay in Brazil for a week and travel to San Paolo or Palace.
Speaker 3:Hey, google, hang on while I get connected to Wi-Fi. I'm going to fucking toss her again. Yeah, yeah, throw you against the wall. You fucking bitch. So just kidding. I'm kidding, and there's no violence. Everything I'm talking about is an inanimate object and the only thing I'm being mean to is myself, and I'm learning to know that. But I'll fucking figure it out before I go to Brazil. I'm going to go to Brazil. I want to go see my favorite band play in Brazil. Do they change the? Okay, google? How do you say until the day I die in Brazil? Sorry, I don't understand. Okay, google. What do people from brazil speak? Like a brazilian? What?
Speaker 2:portuguese on the website mistymeedu. They say remember that the language of brazil is portuguese and, in spite of what some people think, portuguese is not a dialect of Spanish or of any other language. Portuguese is a separate and distinct language.
Speaker 3:That's great to know. I can't wait to become more worldly, but I think people from Brazil speak a Brazilian. Yeah, I speak like a Brazilian. I speak like a Brazilian. Times Things are sometimes just funny. Tell me it was gross and I'm sorry, had to be done and I actually didn't get it all. And God, that's the best feeling ever when you do it and you're just like I have three nostrils now I can. I feel like I'm breathing like oxygen from prehistoric times. That's why things were bigger, because shut up. But yeah, I'm going to go. I'm going to save up like a Brazilian dollars and go to Brazil, learn to speak Portuguese and, okay, google how do you say until the day I die in Portuguese.
Speaker 4:In Portuguese, that's Até o dia em que eu morrer. Anything else you want me to translate?
Speaker 3:Yes, could you say that again?
Speaker 4:Sim, você poderia dizer isso de novo.
Speaker 3:Okay, google. How do you say until the day I die in Portuguese?
Speaker 4:Ok Google, como se diz até o dia da minha morte em português.
Speaker 3:So I'm not even going to attempt to try that yet, but I'm going to practice so I can sing it.
Speaker 4:Então nem vou tentar isso ainda, mas tenho mais prática, so I can sing it?
Speaker 3:Did I accidentally just switch my fucking Google to fucking Portuguese? It's going to take me a Brazilian years to fucking fix that.
Speaker 4:Oh great, Okay, Google, how are you?
Speaker 3:I'm a prisoner in my own home. I'm not joking. I actually don't know what's happening.
Speaker 4:Eu não estou brincando. Na verdade, não sei o que está acontecendo.
Speaker 3:I will be honest. Why can't you?
Speaker 4:have an Australian accent, like my, ok Google, but speak Portuguese. Serei honesto, por que você não pode ter sotaque australiano, como meu, ok Google, mas falar português.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 4:Obrigado.
Speaker 3:Okay, you can stop now.
Speaker 2:Alright, if you ever want to use this again, just say be, can stop now.
Speaker 3:Okay, that was actually kind of sick. That was actually pretty. That was actually fucking kind of sick. I was scared for a second, though God, that's got to be so hard. Wait, no, no, no, no, please don't stop recording. I don't care if it's low power, I don't care, it'll keep going. Okay, cool, jesus, fucking crap, it won't die yet. It'll be fun. Every little thing is gonna be a bop, don't worry. A bop a thing, because every bop a thing is gonna bop. All right, yeah, so I can't wait to learn portuguese.
Speaker 3:Go to brazil, scream the lyrics with people who talk like that, and the whole time I'll just think I'm sorry, but I guess I'll have my phone and I guess on my phone I can. For the first time, I can try to use that translation thing, because we're also going to canada, so we'll have to translate. Every time they say a, I'll have to understand, to understand what they fucking mean by that. Is that the hackiest joke of the episode? Probably not. I probably got another one coming and left in me. I probably got one in the tank. Tank girl. See, I'm just a girl in the world as long as you're a big boy.
Speaker 3:Cause I'm just a girl. Um, what the fuck is wrong with me? Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um. God, that's fun to do, but every time you do it you're like I hope there's not something disgusting on my finger. I'd bite my nails. Who cares? I can't remember if I talked about everything. I'm sure I talked about tour at the top of the show, talked about going to see Story of the Year in Brazil, talked about Heaven and Hell. We literally covered a lot of ground today. We're pretty cool.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'll say this the Story of the Year thing has kind of taken the place of me. Maybe, maybe getting a dirt bike Cause maybe I saw a 77 year old man flip over his fucking uh old man crotch rocket. What a fucking uh like a Vespa. I saw him flip his scooter over it, getting hit by a car and I was like, ooh, I would rather save my money and do that in Brazil. Oh, dude, I go, I fuck it. That'd be so sick. I do a backflip, break my fucking neck in Brazil.
Speaker 3:I die and Bob dies in Brazil. Bob dies a Brazilian times. Bob dies a Brazilian times. Bob dies a Brazilian deaths. Bobby goes. Boom, a Brazilian times. I have my body has exploded, oh dude. And my fucking.
Speaker 3:My second elbow has been acting up lately. This thing is hard to hard to dad, not rock. It's gotta fuck it. It looks. It's literally like it's like a ping pong ball. But it's like a brand new ping pong ball. It has been shipped or nothing. The air in it it's fucking. Um, yeah, it's fucking, it sucks. So hopefully I can fix that thing. Hopefully I stop having two elbows, cause I'm starting to notice what you, when you watch someone, notice it.
Speaker 3:They don't want to say anything Cause they're like I've never seen that deformity and I don't want to ask him if he was born with one of his balls in his arms. No, I do not play with my balls. I haven't seen planes, trains and automobiles. Dude, thank God for fucking social media, because you're like that's your brain rot, yeah. And I haven't seen that scene in fucking planes, trains and automobiles where John Candy looks at Steve Martin and goes will you play with your balls? A lot he goes I do not play with my balls. Oh God, I'm a happy guy. I don't care if my brain's rotting. Maybe that's good.
Speaker 3:You ever think that, like you ever think that you ever think that's why people hate us as Americans. And even if you're like, it doesn't matter if you're left or right. They hate all Americans. They don't. There's not like. I don't know, maybe they don't. I don't even remember what my point I was going to make. I think I was going to make a good point, but fucking tank girl forgot it. They hate us because we have what. Okay.
Speaker 2:Google. What did I just say? I heard okay, you can stop now.
Speaker 3:I just imagined like being in a courtroom and then like my Google on the stand being like he said, speak Portuguese. And then I saw him throw my friend against the stand and being like he said speak Portuguese. And then I saw him throw my friend against the wall and break her. And you're a Google. What color was your friend Not important in the story? God, I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to have fun. Why did I say Americans hate us Because we have? I was making a stupid point that I'll remember as soon as I'm done. No, I won't. Why do I lie? Why do I lie about the littlest things but tell the truth about the most sincere things? I don't know. I'm going to Brazil.
Speaker 4:Ew Fuck.
Speaker 3:That one was real. That one was real, and I'm sorry. Anyway, that's the pod. You are great, so am I. I love you. Be good, so am I, I love you. Be good If you want, don't be bad, but you don't gotta be good. You're like oh, I fucking everything's pissing me off today. That's okay, because you know what's cool when you give yourself that permission. All of a sudden you do feel happier. Or every once in a while you chuck a Google against a wall. That's the podcast. Bye Bye, bye, bye. Wait, oh shit, I don't know why I did that.