Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

#83 Flying on the Spectrum | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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Bobby Rackleff chronicles his wild adventures as a touring comedian in this honest, hilarious episode that perfectly captures the beautiful chaos of life on the road. From accidentally being marked as needing special assistance at the airport (despite having never requested it) to the nightmarish experience of staying in a Travel Lodge smoking room that felt haunted by the souls of previous occupants, Bobby's travel misadventures will have you laughing and cringing in equal measure.

The episode shines brightest when Bobby recounts his time in New York City, his favorite place in the world, where he spent quality time with friends Carly Aquilino and others. Despite getting only an hour of sleep after talking until 5 AM, the joy of these connections fuels his comedy. With refreshing candor, Bobby discusses the financial realities of being a working comic—how the constant need to save money leads to questionable hotel choices, and how sometimes splurging an extra $50 for comfort is worth it for your mental health and performance quality.

Whether describing his broken three-wheeled luggage, getting bitten by a "nice but also mean" cat, or his momentary existential crisis upon meeting identical twins (one of whom was a former pastor), Bobby's storytelling perfectly balances vulnerability with laugh-out-loud observations. His experiences wandering through malls and discovering that Spencer Gifts somehow still exists taps into a delightful nostalgia that many listeners will relate to.

Ready for more Bobby? Catch him on tour with Cactus Tate in Florida, Salt Lake City, and various California venues through May. Support the show on Patreon for exclusive bonus content starting at just $1 monthly and experience the beautiful, chaotic life of a comedian on the rise!

Speaker 1:

I am going to be going on the road again with Cactus Tate. We will be in Florida this weekend. We will be in Naples, florida, at Off the Hook Comedy Club the 18th and 19th and then the weekend after that you can see us in Salt Lake City at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City, utah, on the 25th and 26th. Guys in Salt Lake City, utah, on the 25th and 26th and then on April 30th you can see us at La Brea Improv in La Brea, california, and then on May 1st you can see us at Oxnard Levity Live in Oxnard, california, and then on the 2nd and 3rd we are going to be at the Ice House in Pasadena, california. Get your tickets where tickets are made. Thank you, have a lovely day. Here is Bobby.

Speaker 2:

Hey, oh shit.

Speaker 2:

Well let's just leave that in. Welcome back to another episode of Discombobulated. I choked on my own spit, if that's not a metaphor for how life's going be like. You spit in the devil's face, you spit in the, and then you go, and then it kills you. You're dead. You don't want that, do you? No Good to see you. It's almost, it's almost spring. I live in texas. It's been spring since 2023, but it's been. It's so nice, but it's uh, it's so. It's so warm here. And then you go to other places. And you go to other places and they're like well, the groundhog. He quit and he didn't find anyone to. He didn't see his shadow and he also didn't find anyone to fill his shift. So now we're just it's still freezing everywhere I go. It's so. I was in new york city freezing. I was you come to austin, texas, warm. You go pretty much anywhere, but we're so close, aren't we?

Speaker 2:

We're so close to spring. I love when you don't have to wear a bunch of stuff on your body to stay warm. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Rjk? I know that's not his name. Are you joking, kidding me? Yeah, do you remember those pens when you were a kid? That would be like and they would vibrate as you wrote. That's like. I don't know if RFK's voice was caused by vaccination or maybe using those pens too much, just like my name is. What does he sound like when he talks into a fan? Is it normal or is it so choppy?

Speaker 2:

You fucking parts of you can see parts of the world act. The word actually splatter against the wall. It actually splits up the words so much. It's like it looks like it looks like they're printing a newspaper. A newspaper is what your phone but it was and uh, that someone else would make it and throw it at your house. And then you'd open it up and be like that's what just happened. What if they still did that? But then it just turned into tiktoks, like they threw it at your house and you open because that is what it is. It's just a bunch of you being like you look through it and you're like I didn't need to know any of that. But God, but TikTok does help you sometimes.

Speaker 2:

I have ADHD. And I was talking to I just I was in. Where was I? Where the hell was I? Where the hell? I was in Hartford at the Hartford Funny Bone with Emma Willman this weekend. We were talking, we both have ADHD. She's so amazing. We had such a fun weekend. But she was like talking about ADHD and the one thing I told her we were talking about I was like the one thing I've been working on is put it back, not down. Like put it where it goes, not down. And she's like, yes, cause, like I have a joke in my act about losing my wallet. The other day I was expounding on that thing of being like A person with ADHD we would leave our card, we would leave our debit card in a jukebox to be like that's how I won't forget it, because I'll be like, oh, it's in the jukebox. And it's like, no, it belongs in your wallet. And yeah, so yeah, belongs in your wallet. And uh, yeah, so yeah, we're talking about that you forget stuff, but I was on tour.

Speaker 2:

it's cold and, um, it's hopefully getting a little warmer, because I'm so much better when I go to a city, saving money by walking around, but I had to get ubers. I'll walk around and take a bus for forever unless it's freezing outside. And I did that thing where I was like maybe with a hoodie, a thick layer underneath that and a jacket, I'll be fine, and I was. I was fine and lightly shivering. You got to start dressing like an adult, but I just hate it. I'm like I don't want to cover up my outfit and and it's like it's the same one you've been wearing since high school.

Speaker 3:

well, I'm poor and I love it. I'm so poor and I love it. I love being poor and traveling. I have a luggage and that luggage has three wheels. Bobby, they should have four I know, I know, but mine has three and I pull it at an angle. I learned how to use it and I was like, wow, I'm so smart. Well, if you were so smart you'd have a job that I could afford a fucking luggage for your job let's just all fucking take a moment oh my god um man, I, uh, I probably I had like the worst flying experience of my life.

Speaker 2:

I can't tell if my glasses are crooked or if my head's crooked. I keep trying to straighten them and every time I do it seems like they get more crooked. But I had the worst travel experience ever because I I didn't fly for the first time like to until I was 25. Like there was a group of us that were flying to New York. We were doing a sketch show that no one came to and then we were doing workshops and going to see Saturday Night Live and all this kind of shit.

Speaker 2:

And the first time I flew I was 25. And I was so excited I had the middle seat and I was leaning over this woman. She was so scared Not of me, the middle seat, and I was like leaning over this one. She was so scared, not of me, of flying, she was just like she had her eyes closed. She was just like like. She was like praying as we were taking off and I'm like looking out the window. I'm like this is lovely, I couldn't get enough. We had the, literally when we landed the, I swear to god, the flight attendant goes welcome to la guardia, or like jfk or whatever. Jfk uh, welcome to rfk um. Or like JFK or whatever.

Speaker 1:

JFK.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to RFK. We had a slight detour. Now we're at RFK. I just fucked up my video. But he's going to find the cure to autism. So that's fucking, but I don't.

Speaker 2:

If RFK finds the cure to autism, is love on the spectrum over? We should all vote on that. We should vote on if we want love on the spectrum to be gone, wave bye-bye to the most authentic love you've ever seen in your life, or have like a whole flowers for Algernon situation going on. That's what's going to happen. They're going to have, they're going to RFK is going to find, he's going to find the, he's going to find the cure or whatever that you would call it. And then the people in love on the spectrum. They're going to give them the serum and then they're going to become like us. They're going to be like you want some of my gummy bears? They're like I don't have enough money to share my gummy bears right now.

Speaker 2:

Okay, why didn't you text me yesterday? I did. You only texted me 47 times. You normally text me 48.

Speaker 2:

Like do you want to go look at you? Do you want to go look at train? No, do you want to listen to cats in the cradle? I, I'm. I don't even like that song anymore. You're like what I grew out of that song. Do you want to that? Is that what we is that? Do we want that? Or maybe how about?

Speaker 2:

We can only let a person become president if they have autism? Or maybe we start like they're like, they're like gummy bears forever. You're like get this, I would love it. And they're like taxes schmacks is like god, that would be so cool. An An autistic president. Oh my God, please give me a president with autism. Are they late to the rally? Yeah, they can't stop shaking hands. I mean, we like let's do that Like we want. Everyone watches love on the spectrum and we're like that's real love. Maybe let them run the country and be like that's how you run a democracy, bobby, I don't know if that idea works. I don't. Well, I don't know how tariffs work. So this is my contribution. This is my wacky ideas. I'm writing that down. That's a bit Autistic, presidente. I love you, bob. You're trying your best. I write notes to myself and then I write a little note to myself.

Speaker 3:

I say a little prayer for you. Maybe you will get a break one day, but until then you'll live in a stinky apartment forever and ever. It smells like shit. I'm never here. I'm never here. How could it smell like shit? It must be something else. We're not going to play the blame game, though, because you play the blame game and all you get is no one's name on the tame name. I don't care.

Speaker 2:

I fucking don't care. I am, I'm in a mood. I'm in a mood because I went to the airport, had the worst experience ever. Yeah, I'm getting back into that Because here's what happened. Here's what happened. Here's what happened.

Speaker 2:

I get to the airport and then I find out my flight's delayed, but it's not by a lot, and I bought TSA Clear. That doesn't work all the time and I was mad. I was like how do you? And then like my ticket wasn't printing. So then finally I have to wait in line and I go to get my ticket and I go, I'm sorry, I was like I'm just.

Speaker 2:

I know I seem stressed. I literally try to like do you ever try to be nice to a service agent? And you being nice gives them the thing to be like, sir, and they would be nicer to you if you were mean. So which one should we do? So I'm like I know I seem frazzled, but I feel like I'm going to miss my flight. And she goes you're not going to miss your flight. And I was like okay, here we go, game on. And I was like, okay. So then, for the first time, I did sarcastic smiling, which doesn't feel as good to use as anger. But I just didn't want to do that to a person. Today I started noticing people around me watching me, breathing different and going you got me. I'm like that. And then she's like, yeah, your flight's delayed but you're going to make it and I go, okay. And then so finally she prints my ticket.

Speaker 2:

I run, even go through clear. It takes way longer. I'm like in line. I'm like, do you guys? And they're like I know it's like all this shit the preacher, it sucks. So I finally I figured out we go through, I go as quick. Like all this shit, the pre-check, it sucks. So I, finally I figured out we go through, I go as quick as I can to my gate. She's like you're going to be fine. So I'm like going quickly, but not too quick, because when you see someone running through an airport, just so you know, we're all like psycho. And if you look like me running, you're like going to be high and jack off someone on the. So I'm a jack of all trades, I jack off all the trades. What are you fucking talking about? So she says my flight's delayed and I'm going to be fine. And as soon as I get, as I get to my gate, I take my AirPod. I take like my. No, I don't have AirPods. Why am I lying about that? I don't have AirPods. She says my flight's going to be delayed.

Speaker 2:

I get to my gate, they call my name and they always mess up my no one knows how to say my name. They're like Robert. They're like Robert Gaycocks. I'm like, oh my God, gaycock, or Robert Rockin', robin Rockaa-cockin', robert Rock-a-rod-a-hoo-da-ha-ra-pam-boom-gid-a-boot-a. And guess what? Guess why they called my name. I thought I was the last one on the plane. I was so scared. I was like great, everyone's going to be waiting for me. How?

Speaker 3:

embarrassing, that's not what happened.

Speaker 2:

Somehow I didn't. I swear to. I swear on my life, which isn't that doesn't mean a lot, but I swear to God, which also doesn't mean a lot. I pinky listen to me. I do not remember doing this, but apparently who else would have done this? Like, how could this? I don't even know how this could happen. So if someone's pranking me, it's the funniest thing ever.

Speaker 2:

But if someone says I have a cognitive disability, so they were putting me on the plane first, so I get there, she's like you're not gonna miss your flight. And they're calling my name. I'm like I thought I'm like about to miss my flight and like, escorted on the plane, like here's where you're going to sit, here's if you have to go to the bathroom, if you need anything. And then like I'm right behind them and they're like sir, what seat are you in? And I'm like is there only three people on the plane? She goes no, and I'm like why are they calling my name? And then I sit down and I was like disability, they think I'm flying on the spectrum and they were trying to help me out. And so then I have to be like well, I want to get this off, because the flight earlier, another flight, somehow I accidentally clicked wheelchair and I know you think I know you're like oh, bobby, you're probably doing this for comedy. I, I swear I don't have anything I believe in. So I, I just you gotta believe me when I say I did. I did not have sexual relations with a wheelchair. No, listen. So I, I, they said, I said I needed a wheelchair. Somehow in my things they thought I needed a wheelchair. So then I had to call and be like I don't need a wheelchair because I don't want them to waste their time whenever someone else who really needs a wheelchair would need help. But then you tell them you don't need a wheelchair and they just go okay and they hang up and I'm like, well, I guess I feel like she should have been like what good for you, what that? Yeah, it's a miracle and I know not everyone needs a wheelchair like all the time. Maybe it's like you broke your leg, but by the time you book a like like when I crush myself out of my thing and I'm like I'll walk to my gate, whatever. But but they did help me. I was the first one on the plane Me and two children because they thought we all had the same mental capacity. And I do show up sometimes to the airport high, I might take some gummies or smoke gummies. So maybe someone, just one time like saw me get on the plane and then they like put a note. I don't know, but they thought I needed an abundance of help. So that wasn't good.

Speaker 2:

And then we had a connecting flight and the since the flight was delayed, I had to run from one gate to the other side. Nope, you don't have to do that, they're waiting for you. You get there and it's closed and you have to have you look like the family from home alone, which is what I was doing. I was like running. I'm like, does everyone have their things? No, one's running behind me.

Speaker 2:

There were people running behind me who were on my flight. I heard them being like we're trying to get to B14 too. So then I ran their first. I'll tell them to hold it for you. And I swear to God I did, but I didn't care. I was like we can take off with that. I don't know these people.

Speaker 2:

And so we get on the flight and they had to sit next to me and boy did they run their hearts out. And maybe you know, you know we all had stinky feet on the plane. Maybe it was mine too. So, so, like I'm running from play. And then you get on a plane and someone like said, when I went by, they're like, we're glad you're here'm like you fucking, I fucking hate you guys. So and then, uh, it just sucks. And then I had like, no, I don't have all the wheels on my luggage, so it's like the wheels on my luggage are bumping into people. Ow, I'm sorry I hit your baby's head. I didn't mean to, but I am poor, I'm gonna jump out the window so that's not the worst part.

Speaker 2:

The other part is I, when I got into town I to do the shows when we were in Hartford I like taking a train from New York and I looked it up and, yeah, I'm, I like to save as much money as I can. And you're always thinking, when you look at a hotel, you're like 6.8. That's over five, that's got to be fine. When you look at a hotel, you're like 6.8, that's over five, that's got to be fine. And I got a travel lodge. I got a travel lodge that I saw on Expedia and it was about 80 bucks a night, which is as cheap as you can get in a city. And so I was like, all right, I'll do that. It's like 100 and it's going to be like 160 bucks for the weekend. And I get there and I check in and they go smoking or not.

Speaker 3:

Ask with me. Are you asking if I want to smoke inside of my?

Speaker 2:

room. I'll take the smoking room. I'm going to tell you guys this Don't ever go in one of those rooms again. I don't believe in ghosts, except for in a travelodge room, and the whole travelodge is pretty haunted. I went in. Everything was comically off kilter, like I jumped in my bed and I could feel like a 2x4 in my back, the TV's all, and I turned on the water, the faucet and I got I need a tetanus shot now because there was rust. And then, the top of the thing, whenever the water would come out, it would go and it would shake. It would shake and I was like um it's okay.

Speaker 2:

It's okay that this is the scariest room we've ever been in, and then to feel better because you can smoke anything in there. I smoked a joint and then later one. Uh, this guy, justin, whenever we were I got to the club, this guy who took photos for us and stuff. He was like oh yeah, and he's like I was like dude. The room just felt sad and I had and I ended up changing. I ended up changing rooms to a non-smoking room and then even that one they definitely smoked in. There were more. It smelled more like smoke in the non-smoking one.

Speaker 2:

So then I leave, I leave and I go to um, I leave that room, I go to another room and I'm like I need a refund. So that's what sucks about being a comic. Is you're already not like you have to save as much money as you can, because as young comics and I'm not young, but I'm saying, until you're famous, you don't make a lot of money. So now I don't get that. I hate that. They're like you get it back in seven to eight business days. I'm like how come I can give it to you immediately but you can't give it back to me? And even, how about we triple the time. How about we get it back in nine minutes? I can wait nine Cause I can't come in and be like I'll pay you an eight to 10 business days. It really so anyway. So I smoke in the room and then I just like, all right, I was. I told him I was like dude, I was like I and I was like I was like keep the 30 bucks. I did an early check-in. I was like that's fine. I was just like I need my a refund. He's like are you sure? I'm like I'm sure, man, I'm like it's just, it's too, whatever. I was like I'm not being rude to you or whatever. He's like no, no, he was very. He was very nice and understanding. But God, that room smoke and felt bad, like in the guy Justin goes yeah, you don't know, they're probably smoking a lot of stuff in there. And then I started thinking about I go, holy shit. I only thought about things I've smoked. I was like there probably have smoked cigarettes in here and weed. I didn't think about all the other, the plethora of crystallized drugs and ampheninies, like all of them that these people have done here and that's why that in that room just feels like people left their soul in that room. Like, hey, did you want your soul? You're like, just leave it in the room, I don't care, it just felt like that. So then I had to switch rooms and I am so glad I did.

Speaker 2:

I had good sets this weekend. I'm not being cocky, I just feel like I I felt good, I was with the audience, I felt good. I even stayed after because I was so tired. I didn't sleep all night and I still went and did like the mic that was at the club and I had, oh, all my new bits worked my like. Just me riffing on stage felt so fucking good and I don't think that would have happened if I was stated that travel lodge.

Speaker 2:

I went like a two notches above and it wasn't that much man. It was like it was like 50 bucks more for some peace of mind and that is a lot. That is a lot when you're like trying to like save as much money as you can. But that's not what I was doing that weekend, because I had just so much fun. Because, um, yeah, I was also because I was in new york, uh, for two nights before, because I was going to connecticut and I was looking at the travel and I was like it's like the same price and then I'll just like I can crash with a friend.

Speaker 2:

I got a hotel one night cause we went out on the town. But I got a hotel one night and then stayed with my friend, carly, and dude, we had so much fucking fun. I cannot express to you how much fun we had. I got into town and I walked around New York city, my favorite city in the world. I don't know, maybe one day I'll live there, but just when I visit I cry happy tears all the time. I'll just be walking around Central Park with my broken. They probably think I'm homeless. I just have a broken luggage and I'm just crying Just listening to Story of the Year.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, I am crying in central park did.

Speaker 2:

I say forest park because that's where I'm from, it's bigger in st louis, justina. But so I was walking around um central perk just looking around seeing if, seeing if they were filming any new episodes of friends, and uh, I was walking around having a good time and then the first night I bought tickets for me, my friend danny and dom and I don't get to see them as much. I know um their boyfriends and girlfriends. I know them better, um, I've like hung out with them a little bit more, and so we all we hang out and have a great time. But I was like you know what would be cool? I want to take them out, I want to get to know them more. Let's do this, and I haven't done this forever.

Speaker 2:

I bought tickets to comedy shows and we went out, we went to the comedy cellar, we went to the stand and I was going to try to go over to Brooklyn. But gonna try to go over to Brooklyn, but we couldn't it, we physically couldn't make it, and so that part was kind of a bummer, but uh, not, I mean not really everything. Everything was fun. But we had so much fun and I'll tell you what I quit drinking. I didn't like quit drinking. I was like I'm not gonna drink and I haven't smoked cigs or vaped at all. And I tell you what I was smoking and drinking out of that big apple. I'm taking the big apple and I'm like I'm smoking tobacco. Out of the apple, I'm drinking the apple, I'm swallowing the apple and maybe in my hotel I fucking threw up the apple. Maybe I woke up and felt the apple in my throat, maybe I felt Adam's apple and I was like and I threw up, maybe because I haven't fucking drank that much in a lifetime, but it was a blast. I really, truly, absolutely had a fucking blast. It was so much fun and I hope I get to do it, hope I do it again soon. I always have so much fun when I go there and there's always so much you want to do but you can't do it all because the apple is so big and I know that James and the had that giant peach and but the apple's bigger, it was so much fucking bigger.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, the first night we went out, saw shows and pretty much all blacked out and then I woke up. I was like I'm sorry, I threw up, but at least I threw up on the floor of the bathroom, which is the second best best place to throw up. No, third, I would say it's toilet. Um, toilet trash can floor, but I couldn't make. I, and also for the first time, I threw up in my hair. You can turn it off if you want. I don't this, I'm just this is the story I'm gonna tell. But I had my hair in the toilet and I woke up and there was vomit in my hair I'd never had and I just felt so gross. But everyone had their own bed so no one had to fucking smell me or anything like that. But, oh god, I was so upset and, if I'm being honest, the whole next day I think it was somewhere on my clothes because I thought I only had my boxers on when I threw up, but I it was somewhere on me and I took two showers and I couldn't get it off and then I washed all my clothes and hopefully I never smelled that sour. All right, bob, let's all stop talking about that. So that was what we did the first night.

Speaker 2:

And then the second night, me and Carly Aquilino and my friend Isabel, we fucking went out and had so much fun. We played darts, we made friends, we fucking ate sandwiches. And then I got about an hour of sleep because me and Carly talked until five in the morning at her apartment Dude, her apartment. I can't tell you where. I'm not like, but like it is unbelievably beautiful and it made me want. I'm like I got to move to New York. She was like you should, I was like that would be fun, but like I was getting bit by her cats because she got one nice cat and it's also the mean cat, her nice, and it's also the mean cat.

Speaker 2:

She has two cats, they're both nice, but the one nice cat is also a mean cat and bit me. It could be your energy, it could be his energy too. So, yeah, we were hanging out and I slept for like an hour because we were just reminiscing, because I haven't seen her in forever, and then finally I was like, all right, we should go to bed and we talked and then all of a sudden, my alarm's going off and I go, I have to go, I have to go to Connecticut. And so, yeah, I did not sleep, but the city never sleeps. And yeah, dude, we had so much fun.

Speaker 1:

And.

Speaker 2:

I know people get weird and think they're like, oh, it's a guy and a girl at a place. Can anyone, can I have friends that are girls? Can I have that without everyone being like, oh, they're your girlfriend? No, no one loves this guy. I'm like your gay friend who's straight but too gay to talk to or whatever, I'm having so much fun in the world, but I am stressed.

Speaker 2:

I stress on travel, I stress on all of this. But hey, this is the life I wanted, this is the life I lead. So I'm here to push, I'm here to push baby and man, oh dude, I had such a good set that, for the first time in a while because I ended up, I was hosting there was a confusion and someone was already booked and I was, and you know it's crazy, I was like I understand that. But then, uh, whenever it's happened to me when I was starting, they'd always be we're gonna go with the other guy. So now it's they go with the other. Is it how? I? I don't, I'm not complaining, I'm just, you know, are we allowed to wonder as a person? And so, but emma took great care of me. I don't mean it like that, I was just like so we got switched out. She was like I'm so sorry, this all got messed up. I'm like, dude, these things happen. I it's, I, I've been at comedy clubs, these things happen. So then everything, like everything, gets messed up. And then, uh, but I host and I'm great, I'm a great host, I'm, I like to bring the energy. I was like how's everyone doing talk? I keep it going for Emma, all that stuff. And then after the show, like as the host I haven't hosted in a long time and usually people kind of like forget about you. But like, after the show they're like dude, we loved you.

Speaker 2:

And I go in the bathroom and I try to piss and this guy who, like, used to be a pastor, would not stop talking to me and he was like I'm picturing a guy who's shitting and like, but the other guy won't stop talking to me. He's like is this weird? You're like no, and so he keeps talking to me about stuff. And then he's like, yeah, he's be a pastor and you were talking about God. And like he was kind of doing that thing where he's to take a piss, shit or whatever, and I go outside and he has a twin that I did not know about and I see the exact same guy holding a cake and dress differently and for however many seconds that is, I felt like I was like God's real and I'm going to.

Speaker 2:

Whatever path this man tells me to walk, I'm part your cult, I go, are you? And then thank god, my brain, I go. I was like are you? And I almost like touched his heart with my hand. I was like, are you? And then I go a twin. And he goes, yeah, and I go, thank god you know. So yeah, that freaked me out. But for like a couple seconds there I was like like I'm going to believe in this because that happened to us once, me and my buddies. We thought a guy on chat roulette was the Messiah because we thought he took my buddy's scar away, but he actually forgot it was just on his other leg. But for a second we were all like about to sell all of our possessions and cut our wieners off. Imagine, off.

Speaker 2:

Imagine believing something so much that you're like I don't need my cock anymore. I've only seen it on faces of death because I had the worst friends growing up. Man, I miss being in sixth grade just watching people die on the internet and being like this is friends. And then you grow up and you're like you hear that that's all everyone else was doing too, and you're like nice, everyone talks about the 80s and I'm like I would have liked to grow up then a little bit more. Everyone's like yeah, you can kind of do whatever you wanted back then. I'm like you had to watch that.

Speaker 2:

Your mom's like you stay in the basement at their house. You, your mom's like you, stay in the basement at their house. You don't go anywhere, you don't explore, you watch people get murdered and if I call the house, we better know we're there. We don't want to not know where you are climbing trees. We want to know where you're at watching ISIS beheading videos. We want to. That is what I'm your mom and I want this, and if you love me as your mom, you'll let me know that you're in a basement watching a guy jerk off. For one last time, cut his dick off and then you'll be like my dick hurts. But then I'm also wondering, like, why do you do that? And then your friends start making up stories that you don't know. It's true, it's like they actually get paid a lot. Oh dude, I'm going to fucking throw up, I'm going to throw right up, anyway, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So then I did spend time at I was near a mall because the comedy club was in a mall and I was walking around and just so you know, they still got Spencer Gifts. They still got Hot Topic. They don't know here's here's the only things from my generation that are gone. They don't have Abercrombie, they don't have, uh, hollister, they don't have they still got. They somehow still have a Sears with, I think, the exact same inventory they've had since I was a kid. I think the exact same racks they've had since I was a kid. I think the exact same racks. They just kind of keep pulling a little bit out from the back and I think I honestly think now you can either grab it and go or like, if you want, you can like play, pretend, you can like go behind the register and be like how many is that? And then you can walk behind the register and you're like, oh okay. And then you pretend, check yourself out and take it as if you're playing in your room that's what a sears is. Those stores are still there. And then macy's, which was kind of like jc pennies, had like a glow up and they're like, what about this? But yeah, they don't have that, but they still have have. They still have Spencer's gifts. And if you, if you're, if you buy a poster and the black light doesn't work like you want, you can ask to speak to Spencer. You're like, can I speak? Can I speak to your Spencer please? Thank you, I'll wait by these, just strap on dildos. And then you take like two steps back and it's like whatever the popular bobblehead for children is now, and you're like this store, like people are like I don't want drag Queens reading my kids. I want to go into a Spencer gifts and have them walk around and know that they go to the back and back, don't run back there. Oh, a beautiful life we lead, beautiful. But that is the podcast, that is the whole episode.

Speaker 2:

I hope you follow us on Patreon. You can join for as low as a little as a dollar a month and it's bonus content. So please check that out. You can also for as little as a dollar a month. It's bonus content, so please check that out. You can also buy merch at my website. You can also come see me on tour. You can shoot me a message. I'll get back to you, unless I fucking don't want to because you're being mean or asking me for something. Bob, don't you ask for something? Very respectfully, you guys don't ask for something, mm-hmm. Very respectfully, you guys, don't. Bob, do you think you might be being a narcissist doing this? I don't fucking know, but I'm tired of it. That's the weirdest way to plug it at the end. Yeah, it is, but I didn't get all my nutrients because I was at an airport trying to find it and then running in between.

Speaker 3:

Riding along in my automobile but lady beside me at the wheel I don't know if that song's in this movie, but take it to the place movie.

Speaker 2:

That's the episode.

Speaker 3:

Love ya Motherfuckers, bye what.