Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

#84 Beach Holes and Booger Bets | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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Ever found yourself digging metaphorical (or literal) holes you can't escape from? This episode dives deep into the beautifully chaotic reality of living with ADHD, territorial beach behavior, and those moments when we become the unexpected villains in our own stories.

Fresh from Naples, Florida (affectionately dubbed "Nipples, Florida"), I share my passionate dedication to beach hole digging that sparked an unexpected feud with a family over borrowed shovels. There's something primal about defending your sandy territory from strangers who don't respect the craft of hole construction! My frustration with these "shovel thieves" reveals a larger theme – those moments when we feel justified in our reactions, only to question them later.

The sunscreen saga with fellow comic Tatum highlights our stubborn resistance to learning from experience. Despite clear evidence that "I don't burn" was categorically false after day one, she questioned needing protection again on day two! It's the perfect metaphor for how we sometimes refuse to accept reality despite painful consequences.

My Easter adventures back home take an awkward turn when I confront children I believe are stealing eggs we'd hidden for Tatum's daughter, only to discover they were part of a neighborhood scavenger hunt. These moments of misplaced righteous indignation – followed by the awkward realization of my mistake – capture the essence of being imperfectly human.

From making "booger bets" at airports to navigating lost luggage situations, this episode celebrates finding humor in life's frustrations. I'm learning to embrace my "diva bitch era" while acknowledging when my reactions might need tempering with understanding. After all, aren't we all just digging holes and trying to protect what matters to us?

Come see me on tour this spring! Dates in Salt Lake City, California, Cleveland, and Austin are all on sale now. Your support means everything – because yelling at beach families and misunderstanding Easter egg hunts doesn't actually pay the bills.

Speaker 1:

I'm going on the road again. Gonna see me this weekend with Cactus Tate opening for the one, the only Cactus Tate at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. We have shows the 25th and 26th of April and then you can see us at the Brea Improv in Brea, california on.

Speaker 1:

April 30th. Brea, california, on April 30th and then in May you can come and see us at Oxnard Levity Live in Oxnard, california, on May 1st, may 2nd and 3rd. You can see us at the Ice House in Pasadena, california, and then I will be headlining Cleveland, ohio, the 30th and 31st of May. Check it out. I also will be headlining the very next weekend at the Velveeta Room in Austin, texas, on June 6th and 7th. So get your tickets now. Get them now. You got it, please get them. This is my job. Please get them now. You got it. Please get them. This is my job. Please get them. Here's the episode with the guy who's talking now Yep.

Speaker 2:

Let's just go. Hi, if I'm being honest, I had to itch my ball. Is that how we're starting the episode? God, god, is that how we're starting the episode? God, honesty isn't always the best policy. That's how we're gonna start this show. I gotta stop being so.

Speaker 2:

I the other night I was talking with comics and a comic goes man, you like to overshare, and I didn't disagree with him, but I just realized, yeah, maybe I don't need to be telling everyone that, like I, you don't need to start a conversation where someone's like hey, what's your favorite flavor Dorito? And then by the end of it, they're like I did not need to know that that happened to you. We're not even talking about chips anymore and I'm like I know I have ADHD and I need to take medicine, but the thing about if you don't, here's the thing when I have ADHD. But it's also, I think it means that we're clairvoyant. I think that's what it means. I think I can see the future and you're like well, bobby, how come your future is so shitty? It's like a, so it's a problem, but you can see so far in the future and I could always tell that eventually, like Adderall was going to get more expensive and all that stuff. So I just had to figure out how to wean myself off of it. And then what you do is just not take it and ruin conversations. If you got the A, d, a, d, you're just going to be in conversations and at one point being like, yeah, my parents told me that what your parents talk to you about their sex life, mm-hmm, that's crazy. Yep, it sure is, and I didn't need to tell you about that. But that's what happens when you're not able to get by Vans. So, anyway, that's that's me, this is me, this is real. This is how are you guys doing welcome back? We do the podcast every week and when I say me it's 100% just me, it's not we at all.

Speaker 2:

But I'm feeling groovy. I'm feeling that fucking the spring sprung in. I'm feeling we were on the road and a couple weeks ago I got a flower. Someone gave me a flower at the mall. They're like you can bury your own flower and we'll give it to you. And I was like for how much money they go, it's free. And I was like sometimes you know, life is good, so I have that.

Speaker 2:

And I came home and that thing's it's looking pretty, it's here, I'll get it. I'll get it, don't worry, you guys, don't worry. No, you don't worry, don't you worry. Here she is looks better when it's back here, but I'll put it right there. You can kind of kind of see that bitch, see how pretty she is. So I got this.

Speaker 2:

I don't remember where we were. Um, remember to put you in the sun so you don't die. Um, because I have no plans. We live in an apartment that it's barely hospitable for a dog. So, you know, I just I'm trying to make sure that I keep that thing alive. And I came home and I was like, oh, that thing's alive. You know, can't be too upset If everything you have that's alive is alive.

Speaker 2:

What do you got to complain about? Well, bobby, I actually have, like you know, taxes are due. I'm like, okay, calm down, just text your tax guy and be like I'm really fucking scared right now. And they're like, yeah, me too. And you're like paperwork sucks, paperwork, schmaplework. I'm not going to start this episode talking about taxes. I tell you, what Are we recording? We are, is this thing on? It is, but I just got back. I got back yesterday. We were in Florida. We were in Nipples Florida, nipples Florida, nipples Florida. We had so much fun. We were at Off the Hook Comedy Club Great shows, so fun.

Speaker 2:

There was only one show that wasn't great. Sometimes that happens, you know what I mean? All the shows were fun, but there was one show where you're just like what's going on with you guys and you're like maybe it's your act. I'm like maybe it's your act. I'm like it's never my act, it's never my fault, it's not. How could it be my fault? I'm clairvoyant and have ADHD. There's no way I had any neglect or oversight on any of the things that's going on. But I'll tell you who doesn't give a fuck. We don't care anymore. Me, I don't Give a shit, fuck you. Dude.

Speaker 2:

Tatum did say that after one of her shows there's a girl who was like standing in line and she was like oh my god, so nice to meet you or whatever. And tatum had said hi to so many people and we were so tired because we were at the beach earlier and so, whatever she said, she goes. She was like it was so nice to meet you and she's like I, I'm glad I got tickets. Like she said something like I'm glad I got tickets, like last minute or something, and tata meant. We all knew that. She meant to say fuck yeah and give this girl ducks and she goes fuck you, and it ruled dude. We all laughed, including the girl. Em Emmy laughed too. We all had a good chuckle.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, but we were in Florida and the weather was nice. The weather outside was nice, I think, because the last time we were in Florida we were in Miami and it was still kind of cold out. But this time we got to have a beach day. We got to be little beaches and go to that fucking water hole. We got to see the Gulf of Mexico. Sorry, hey, that's what I grew up with, that's what I call it.

Speaker 2:

What was the name? When you were born, everyone said that I had to write that down. I was like that's such a unique take. And then everyone was like what was the name given to you at birth? Cause we're all and I'm like I ain't fucking sons of bitches but yeah, we were down there. We were in a gulf. To be more specific, a guy like me thinking that's the ocean. I didn't think that. But back in the day when I'd go to destin your family's like we're in the ocean, you're not that would be like if you were going to go to a lake and there was like a fucking like a swampy area and your parents, no, bunch of trapped water. No, don't, don't think so really on that one though.

Speaker 2:

So we were down in nipples, florida, weather was nice and, uh, we went to the beach on the first day and, uh, jacob kendall was the host all weekend and he went hung out with us on the first day, and Jacob Kendall was the host all weekend and he went and hung out with us on the second day, but we got there a day early, so, just me and Tatum went to the beach, and she wanted to do what girls do, and she wanted to lay out. And that's not, bob. You know Like I'm If we go to a swimming pool. You know, I'm like my friends Sam and April I'm if we go to a swimming pool. You know I'm like my friends Sam and April. I'm like you wanna play mermaids.

Speaker 2:

If we go to a beach, I'm digging a big asshole. Yeah, bob's digging a big asshole. Bob's gonna start digging and never stop digging a hole. I'm gonna dig such a fucking hole, metaphorically in my life and literally on the beach. I'm going to dig a hole so big that people are going to walk by and go look at that man in that hole, look at that man in a man with his child. Be like, look at that man and look how deep of a hole he's got himself in, and I'm like I sure have. And then they walk by, being like you don't want to get in a hole that big. You should probably go out in the ocean and just enjoy life and not get trapped in a fucking hole.

Speaker 2:

But, I dug the shit out of holes. I dug the holes every day. We went to the beach. Yeah, I went into the water and had a little fun, but mostly it was to cool myself down from digging the hole. People were like, bobby, do you want to go in the water? We're going to go. Look for sand dollars. I'm like sorry, boss wants me to finish the hole. Can't really go, boss is riding my ass for me to finish this hole. I can't really be coming out when the hole needs to get finished. If I don't dig the hole, someone's got to dig the fucking hole. So I'm up to my ass and digging this hole. So I'll see you guys later, sorry. And then they walk away and it's like I'm like one of those guys. I'm like sorry, bosses, ride my ass, but I love this hole. I love digging holes.

Speaker 2:

I dug a hole so deep that this little girl and here's the thing. I mean this when I say this I don't like this little girl and her dad. I didn't like her dad. I didn't like her bald dad. I didn't like her fucking bald dad. He was that like I'm bald and I'm going to be as in shape as I can. I'm perfect. I'm perfect. But don't look at the top of my head. I'm balding too. It's fine. I'm not shitting on balding people. I just hated this bald motherfucker. He was bald and he had those fucking like Oakley's on that look like they're like he like they. Look like the skin around his head is like forming around them because he wears them so much. I know. Here's the thing. I know they're like kids are special, Like I think kids are. We do need to respect kids, but then once you raise your kid to be such a little fucking asshole they're not then they're not the same as the other ones. We need to take care of the good kids.

Speaker 2:

But I'm digging the hole and I'm like digging it and I'm like throwing sand out and I throw it out. And then at one point I hear dad go, yeah, it is a big hole. And I look up like, hey, how are you guys doing? And they go how'd you dig the hole that big? And I had three shovels. And I go, I've just been digging. And I go, hey, if you want, you can have one of those shovels. The guy goes, are you serious? I go yeah, you can take one of those shovels. And then I was digging and jac came back and he went and I was like, hey, where's the other shovel at? And he goes, I don't know. And they you ask for an inch. You take two shovels. I fucking can't explain to you my blood boiling Because I'm already working on the hole and my boss is riding my ass. And you borrowed a pen. You bring it back to the office. We're all trying to dig holes for the boss. You're not going to fucking dig a bigger hole than me if you're borrowing my shit, fucking dickheads. So they come over and they're like and I go, hey, you can take one of our shovels. And so I took it. And then they like took it. And then eventually, like I noticed they took their shovel and I was like whatever you know. And then so I keep digging and I'm like I'm just like I'm having a blast and so I'm digging the hole. I'm like doing three sixies, making sure I'm making sure I'm fucking patting the walls, making sure they're strong.

Speaker 2:

We had one structural collapse and you know why? It's because of this fucking family. They kept coming over and checking out. They're like how'd you get the hole so big? And I'm like you just dig like a dog, you just go down and just keep throwing sand. She's like, okay, oh, I hate, she did that thing. Where I hate when kids act like a dog. She goes how'd you do that? And she goes. I'm like get out of here, go with your dad. And you know why? I know your hole's not. You're not gonna dig that hole with your dad. You know why? Because he only works out his glamour muscles that motherfucker doesn't really work out. Your dad's not strong, he can't dig a hole. I'm sorry, I kept watching him sit down and take breaks. I'm in the hole digging my ass off and then I let it go. I was like you know what have the shovels Until Jacob came back and then eventually I did that thing where he, the guy, waved at me and go, did you take two shovels?

Speaker 2:

I'm a fucking prick. I'm a fucking prick these days. Oh yeah, if you've heard a story about me lately and people are like that guy sounds like an asshole, they're right. I fucking I am. I'm a little diva bitch now. I'm so aggro. So they're like they took our shovels and then I was like I would need to have our shovels and then they brought one back because mine was losing structural integrity. So then I started, I was digging it and then we were about to leave and I asked my friends who didn't help with the hole, but I love them. I was like, do you guys want to get in the hole with me? And we all bury ourselves. And tatum and jacob, both in unison, were like I'd, I'd rather do literally anything else than get in that hole and I go, then I'll see you guys in the hole, and then did like a ninja turtles front flip into the hole. We start burying myself.

Speaker 2:

And then one of this little bald you, you can't grow hair, heaven, you can't. You don't. Your head has no fucking clue what's going on. You're, you're gonna get sunburned because you came here from Omaha and didn't bring shovels to the beach but for your fucking kids. And I'm like getting dug in the hole and I'm like up to here, and then a little girl who I don't know is jumping in the hole with me and if right now you're like this doesn't sound good, yeah, I'm on your side, your honor, I'm within the hole. And she came over and then me, tatum and Jacob all like put our hands up, like we're getting arrested, and I just go, what's going? And then tatum goes hey, I don't you, what do you get out of the hole? And she goes, my dad's having come over here, and then so I just got out of the hole and, I'll be honest, I was like I wanted to get buried. But then I was like, hey, you have the hole, she's like all right.

Speaker 2:

And then all this little bald, fucking asshole. This bald can't figure out growing hair on the top of his head or how to dig a hole. You know who's in the real hole? You in this life with your shitty ass kid who's texting me. I can't wait to knock text that person back. But they all, they all hold on. They all couldn't dig a hole to save their lives.

Speaker 2:

And people were walking by me and then when we left, I took the shovels that we had and there was a family next to us that kept. That didn't even bother us. They kept like trying to look over, being like how are they doing that? They were just minding their own business, being nice at the beach. And when I left, I was like hey, these shovels are yours and they're like seriously. And I'm like, yeah, they're shovels, have a good night. And they're like thank you, and that's the energy you need to have.

Speaker 2:

And I know you might be being like bob, you should be like who cares, and and I'm like, yeah, but like, don't you sometimes think and I'm talking about adults now, because that happened with like a kid, but I'm like, the reason that those kids suck is because that adult sucks, and the reason that adult sucks is because their fucking family suck and no one ever takes the, because everyone's always like why don't you understand where the other persons come from? Guess who's another fucking person Me and my friends. So we're going to take a moment. My breath smells like eggs because I ate a raw egg and didn't brush my teeth last night. Sorry, I know you can't smell it, but you just thought about it and it's exactly what it smells like. So I just fucking those people start to piss me off and I'm starting to call it out more Like we dude. And to call it out more like we dude.

Speaker 2:

We did a show it off the hook and afterwards this girl came up and started saying she said to tatum she goes, I are you the, you're the girl from tiktok, right? And she's like yeah, she goes, I don't like your stuff. And I go wow, that fucking sucks. She goes, oh well, and I go, she goes. Should I not have said that I go? I wouldn't have.

Speaker 2:

And everyone was like jesus christ, I was like I'm not trying to be an asshole, but they're also probably not trying to be an asshole and they get to say whatever they want. I'm gonna say whatever I want. Is that, are we? Have we reached that point yet where everyone just gets to say whatever they want? Because we I I feel like everyone knows this feeling. I feel like you'll be like getting roasted by someone and they'll be like, yeah, whatever. Well, you're bald and don't know how to fucking not, not make kids, not, not, not how to cool it down, and you're like, well, don't judge them. And I'm like, well, I'm a fucking person too. I'm sorry, I'm getting fucking defensive. I'm getting defensive, but I feel like those people who like just get to do whatever they want ruin it for the people who are trying to be like respectful and hey ask for a shovel.

Speaker 2:

Just don't take two shovels. How'd you dig that hole? Get out of here. Go hang out with your shitty dad. I should have went over and took his umbrella and they burned the little top of his little dumb head. Speaking of burns, guess who did? We thought we go to the beach, dude. We go to the beach and Tatum, she has a joke about white people and how they like I don't want to ruin the bit, but like she has a joke about how, like we change so many different colors and we burn and stuff. And she's like I don't burn. She's like I don't burn. She's like one of those people. She's like I don't burn, she's like one of those. He was like I don't burn, I don't burn. So we go to the beach and I am putting on sunscreen Cause I like Jonathan Van Ness, the guy from queer I, he just I kept seeing videos where he's like I wear it all the time.

Speaker 2:

Like I was like yeah, I guess I should wear it. I hate when I get that fucking feeling like over. And I was like Tatum, are you sure you don't want some? She's like I'll put it on my face. I'm like thank you. I'm like, dude, you'll still get tan. You're just going to block the ultraviolet rays that are bad for the organ known as your skin, and she's like.

Speaker 1:

I'm fine.

Speaker 2:

I'm like okay, all right, and I reapplied. I would like, okay, alright, and I reapplied. I would like go in the water and then after a while I'd be like, alright, it's time to reapply. I'd dry all the way off, put it all on, wait the amount of time till it got good, go back to digging my fucking hole. And Tatum was like I'm fine, and then we get back and she goes I gotta tell you something. And I was like what, and she's like you're not gonna be happy. I was like what, and she's like you're not gonna be happy. I was like what she was? I think I'm sunburned, I go no. So then she's texting her husband and we're both roasting her. We're like how we said everyone gets. But she's like I just didn't know. And she's like ow, ow, ow, it hurts. I'm like of course it hurts. So then we go and get aloe we. I'm like you gotta keep drinking water, you gotta chug water. Like asking chat GPT. I'm like of course it hurts. So then we go and get aloe we. I'm like you got to keep drinking water, you got to chug water. Like asking chat GPT.

Speaker 2:

I'm like my friend's an idiot. She makes sure we try to not like avoid skin poisoning and luckily we were only out for like two hours that first day, but then the next day she wasn't burned and like I had a spot on my shoulder that I'm on the second reapply I must have missed. You could like see where I missed it. And she was like I don't know what happened, I just I forgot. And then the next day she didn't burn and I was like, yes, I was like how do you feel? I feel fine, and we were both so happy.

Speaker 2:

And then the next day she was like do you really think I need sunscreen? I'm like are you fucking shit? You can't even learn your lesson. That's crazy, dude. That's fucking crazy. Anyway, I just can't. I just can't sometimes, but because I'm just, I'm at that age where I really want to try you try to like live your life in a way that actually makes sense. You're like I really can't handle being sunburned. I want to try not to get sick. I want to try to get like as much sleep as I can, like realizing all those things like matter and everything.

Speaker 2:

So, um, yeah, but uh, yeah, me and tatum, uh, when we got home it was we had to race home from our shows because it was easter. It was easter yesterday and so when we flew home she got the earliest flight because she has a kid. So she was like they still believe in the easter bunny. We want to like get all that stuff done. She's like and I want to be there. I don't want to like miss that when she wakes up and seeing the easter bunny and stuff, and I was like, dude, we could, let's fucking, we'll get a red eye, I don't care. Like whatever you need to do, I understand that is so important to you.

Speaker 2:

So we get to her house and her husband texts her and he's like, hey, she's like starting to get up. So I'm like talking with tatum, like as we're pulling up and I was like because I like I left my car at their house so I was like I gotta leave in a second. But we're pulling up in the Uber, so we're like trying to swap everything and so I go and I had to like grab my like I brought an overnight bag. So I go to grab my overnight bag and like leave out the front door. And I literally get to hear it was so cute. I get to hear her little voice she goes, she goes.

Speaker 2:

Is this for me, like she's, she's like there's a basket I can't. And she's so excited because the Easter Bunny came. And then they were being really nice, like they were texting me like while I was like because I helped hide the eggs out front and do all of that shit. And I'm hiding the eggs up front, I'm doing all that, and then I run inside to grab this and they're like, and then like they text me like dude, do out. You remember how smart you are as a kid. Kids aren't stupid. She's going to put together that. Maybe Bobby just put those things. I didn't want to ruin the magic for a little kid. I don't want to. I'm like no.

Speaker 2:

Because her kid's a cool kid, her kid's fun and nice. She's not like those little fucks at the beach stealing other people's holes they dug. Bobby, you got to calm down about digging the holes, I'm not, I'm not going to calm down about the Florida holes. So we go back and they're doing that. And then so I grab my overnight bag and then I'm trying to sneak out of their house and as I I go and she goes, wow, and like the easter bunny had put like stuff all over their house for her. I said it like it was, they put. I believe in it too. I come in and I'm like marlo, the easter Easter Bunny likes you more. When I was a kid I never got nothing like that, like it was good, but it's almost like your parents are really killing it. And so I go out and I leave out the front door and I try to be as quiet as I could. I literally go and I slide out and then she barely heard it and so she heard it as I closed the door and then. So apparently this is what Tatum said. I don't know exactly how. I wasn't there for this, but she was like she goes oh, was that the Easter bunny and I was like, shut up, dude. And she goes. No, she really thought it was the Easter bunny and then the next day she goes. It might have been the helper, because I didn't see the silhouette. They have one like through their doors. She's like. I didn't see its ears and I was like, well, I wish you would have maybe saw my hair swayed and be like, oh, maybe it's his ears were hanged, maybe, just maybe that easter bunny's sad as shit and sleeps in its car sometime. So that was cool to get to help out with that.

Speaker 2:

Um, but I gotta be honest with you guys and I'm this next part I am not proud of, but I also I, I don't know, none of us are perfect, right? Son of us. Some of us, son of us, son of us, bitch. Some of us raise shit kids. Some of us are people who make mistakes, and I made a mistake.

Speaker 2:

But so here's what happened. I set out the eggs and whenever Tatum went inside, her husband came out and I was hiding stuff and he was like, what's up, dude? And he's like, here I'm gonna help you. So we're both hiding eggs. It's so cute and fun, dude, so fun. You're like. You're literally like trying to hide them up in the tree. And then you're like, fuck, she's fucking two foot tall, I can't put her there. So we're like set everything up and then I come outside and there's a fucking little kid picking up the eggs. I reacted, I didn't think and I go what the hell are you doing? You kids get off my lawn and they're like what? And they get in the car and there's a mom and they drive off, or grandma, I don't know who it was. But I go, what are you doing? And then they leave and then so later I was texting Tatum and I go yeah, by the way, I and this this, because they started collecting the eggs and then when I said it, they just dropped them and then left.

Speaker 2:

And I was like what the hell, who would do something? What the fuck, who would steal other people's eggs? It's like that scene in hilly madison where they're like who would steal all these kids lunches, chris farley and norm mcdonald they're all like eating sandwiches, like that is what I thought they were doing. I'm like who would steal other people's stuff? Dude, you guys see my fucking. I got a little arm, my little arm. Shake the fuck. This's nice. Get that little arm shake going. I got a little tricep arm shiggle, so they I thought they were doing that.

Speaker 2:

And then I texted tate.

Speaker 2:

I was like yeah, and by the way, there was a kid. So I was like get out of here, what are you guys doing? And there was like a, a person driving the car and a kid, and the kid jumped in the car. I was like that is so sad. Who who would do that? And then she goes. Oh, I forgot to tell you Our neighborhood does like a scavenger hunt, so like that is a real thing. But she goes our street isn't on it, so they should not have been in our street at all and they were an hour early, so they were in the wrong. But also you might be in the wrong a little bit. I was like yeah, you're right, I will, I'll take that. I definitely I. And also I do want, because it's like Marlo's not my kid, you know.

Speaker 2:

But I was trying to be respectful and I, you know, I cared. I was like we just did all the like that's hers. And then and I even thought later I was like man, it's like it could be someone who's like less fortunate. But I was like that doesn't mean you take another little kid's Easter, but apparently that's what they were doing. So I'm being honest with you guys. I'm letting you know I'm not always perfect either, and you might be being like, no way are perfect in every single way, but sometimes I yell at kids on easter morning too. So, but, um, that's just what happened.

Speaker 2:

And then, oh on, to top it all off, I forgot, uh, at the airport tatum didn't get her luggage Because whenever it got off, some guy grabbed one that looked exactly like hers. And then we were like, are you fucking serious, this sucks. So then she had to go home and we didn't have a luggage. I was like, oh shit, dude. I was like, dude, this sucks. I was like, well, what do you want to do? So then we had to do that thing where you make a complaint and they do all this stuff. And she's like we'll get your luggage back because there's no way they're not going to come back to get their luggage. And I was like, all right. So then Tatum got a call this morning that said that they did bring it back. Someone was going gonna bring it. And I was like that was crazy because, dude, we were running around that airport. I'm like running around looking for, I'm like well maybe they're outside waiting for an uber.

Speaker 2:

So I start like running around and then I saw lavelle crawford walk by. He walks by and I go lavelle, dude, you're awesome. And he goes. I see, because we're I guess we're all like traveling at the same time and it's like we're all coming and going as comics. I have seen Rob Schneider, weird Al Yankovic, uh, lavelle Crawford, stephen Gillespie, um, who else? There's a couple, I can't think of their names right now, but there's just so many people, you see. But the airport is like the worst place to say hi to someone. I didn't say, I didn't even stop him Cause I was like looking for something. I go, look at how you roll. He goes, dang it. And then I go hey, I couldn't find your, I couldn't find your luggage. I go. But you know that guy who's? You know LaVell Crawford, I go. The guy who lays on the pile of money in Breaking Bad with Bill Burr, I just saw that guy.

Speaker 2:

And I'm sorry you lost your luggage, oh man. But we lost her luggage and I put some stuff in there too. But what made me the most sad is she was like my notebook was there, and as a comic dude I'm not trying to and I'm not even being like it's like the worst thing, like literally. When I thought she lost like all of her makeup and clothes, I was like, oh, that's fine. And then, like I lost like a couple of my like I put like dirty clothes or whatever. I was like can I put some my pack? My backpack can't hold this, my backpack can't hold the stink, and so I put that in there. And then she, uh, what the fuck was I saying? Um, um, we lost the luggage. Who cares? I don't give a fuck. Um, who cares? Oh, I'll tell you this, though Me and Tatum have the fucking best time at the airport because everyone else like kind of zones out.

Speaker 2:

And I know you might be thinking like maybe I'm just assuming that, but what I mean by that is like I noticed like what my, the, my surroundings, and me and Tatum were standing there and there's this little kid standing in front of us that's got like a fucking, like an oversized jersey on and he literally has like face paint on and then he goes like we start laughing. She goes you see that kid right there and I was like, yeah, she goes. Dude, as a mom, you know that mom was like you did wipe your face paint off. Now we're going to. We're running late to the airport, so we're standing in line and they keep scooting forward and the mom's like trying to order for everybody and get everything up, and the dad's like doing that thing where he's taking apart a stroller and putting it in a bag, and I'm doing that thing where I'm starting to pray to god. I'm like thank you for never letting me have a kid, because watching all this stuff and then one of the coolest things I've ever seen in my fucking life happened this little kid that is like she goes. Doesn't he look like hungover, like this kid's, like he's sitting on the ground and then we watch him start picking his nose as, hey, as little kids do. But guess what? We're gonna watch your little kid pick their fucking nose and this kid's digging around and then pulls out a booger and looks at it and we go as fast as I could, I turn and I go. How much you think, until I bet, you want to bet, you think he fucking needs it or not. And she's like, I bet he's gonna be like, for sure he's gonna need it. And, dude we, whatever sport this kid watched the day before that made him had a jersey on. I promise you it was less intense than this 30 seconds of this kid figuring out if he's gonna eat this booger or not.

Speaker 2:

So then, dude, me and tatum are making these fucking booger bets and we're watching him. We're like, oh, he's like, because he gets really close to his mouth and then he like twirls it around and then he starts, starts putting it like have you ever seen how in cartoons there will be someone who will take a quarter and take a gold coin and flick it between their fingers? They're like, hey, you owe me money. And they're just going in and out of their fingers back and forth like how someone would flip a drumstick. That's what this kid's doing with a fucking disgusting booger. And then he goes, oh, and gets it right here and then goes like this and we go, ah, and then it's on his knuckle and she goes he didn't eat it. And I swear, as we go to order, he turns and he eats it off his fist. He goes, we go ah, she's like he did, and I go, he did, he did it, oh my god. Ah, man, these booger bets were worth it, dude god. So yeah, that was unbelievably fun.

Speaker 2:

And then me and tatum were remembering because we go. I can't believe someone took your luggage, but it literally was the exact same luggage but it was in the smaller size. I don't like. His was the smaller one and hers was the bigger one. I don't know, he didn't pick it up and be like this is heavy as fuck. But then her husband was like well, this is what he said which I think makes the most sense he goes. I bet it was a guy going home for easter. He had realized he didn't grab your bag, like he grabbed someone else's bag and it's like he doesn't care. He's like I'm going to figure this out tomorrow and I was like a hundred percent, that's what makes sense. So then she got her bag back the next day and everything worked out. She got her notebook back Awesome. So the fact that everyone got their stuff back and everything was crazy. But then we started laughing Cause one time we were at the airport and we're at baggage claim and we're watching everyone grab their bags and we're just waiting and we're waiting.

Speaker 2:

And then you ever there are like pretty similar luggages, you know like every time it's like they're all kind of gray, they all kind of look the same and they're coming around and then every once in a while you'll see someone who dude, it looks like dude, it looks like farley in the fucking uh, in what's that? We tommy boy, whenever he's just got a fucking trash bag duct taped, there's guys who'll have that. And this guy comes out and he's got a luggage. That's dude. It's wrapped in like american flags, fucking brazil flags, fucking Cuban flags, like it's got all these flags and then just like postal tape around it and then duct tape. And we were on the ground laughing at how funny it was, because this guy gets his luggage and then starts to look at it to make sure it's his. He's like, and I can't stop laughing, and Tatum goes who the fuck else is with Luke? And now she's like Now I understand why that guy did that. Now I know exactly why that guy fucking went that direction.

Speaker 2:

So, anyway, that's the podcast. You're great. I love you Fucking. We'll see you later. Please come out and see a show. Check us out. Bye.