Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

#86 Bobby's Bender, Done That | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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Strap in for a wild ride as Bobby takes you on his recent adventure to New Jersey, where what started as a surprise appearance at his friend Venetia's 30th birthday spiraled into a week-long celebration that defied all expectations. From the moment he revealed himself on the balcony (causing tears of joy) to the hibachi dinner complete with sake squirted from water guns, every moment pushed the boundaries of adult fun.

The Atlantic Ocean beckoned at midnight, frigid and foreboding, yet impossible to resist. Bobby recounts his reluctant plunge alongside his fearless friend Dom, capturing that perfect blend of regret and exhilaration that comes with doing something simultaneously stupid and memorable. Then there was Atlantic City's water park, where grown adults rediscovered childlike joy on slides that delivered unexpected thrills, punctuated by Bobby's humbling attempt at simulated surfing that ended with spectacular failure.

In perhaps the most surprising turn, Bobby found himself transformed into Britney Spears for a 2000s-themed party, where his costume became so convincing that partygoers bypassed his comedian credentials entirely: "We don't give a flying fuck about that. You're Britney Spears." Against this backdrop of unbridled fun, Bobby contemplates his return to reality—an emptying apartment, potential homelessness, and big decisions about his living situation. Yet through it all runs a thread of wisdom about embracing change and pushing through discomfort rather than avoiding it.

Ready for more Bobby adventures? Catch him in Cleveland at Don't Tell Comedy (May 30-31) and headlining the Velveeta Room in Austin (June 6-7). Come witness this comedian who might technically be homeless while performing—unless you want him going back to firefighting. Because as he warns, you won't be laughing when he's the one coming to save you from a burning building.

Speaker 1:

I will be going on the road. You can come see me in Cleveland, Ohio, May 30th and 31st at Don't Tell Comedy. I will have the tickets on my website.

Speaker 2:

And I will also be headlining at the Velveeta Room June 6th and 7th in Austin, texas. So come out, see the shows. You can get your tickets wherever tickets are sold. Here's your host, this guy.

Speaker 1:

Hey, what's up, welcome back. You are here to another episode of Discom. Bob you late, good to see you, great to see you, great to see you through the lens of. I haven't uploaded this yet, but as you're listening to it, it must have been. I'm just sitting here in the path talking to you.

Speaker 1:

I have been on what some scientists would call a bender. I have been on what some archaeologists will say was a Bob Bender. They're going to dig up my Bob Bones, my Bob the Bone man, jay Cox the Bone man, motherfucking. They're going to dig these fuckers up, they're going to study them and they're going to be like this guy partied, he liked, he liked to party, he liked to party. That's why he got sick all the time, you know.

Speaker 1:

But other than that, you know, I mean we, I, we, I went very hard. I went to a place, if in America, known as New Jersey, and it was. Was it a blast? Yes, did I sleep? Was it my friend's birthday? Yes, did she turn 30? Yes, did any of us act like it? No, no, much younger, you know. And we're all a group of yes, men and women, and I will say this everyone in that group, everybody, at some point was the villain of we should probably go a little bit harder. And you're like we can't go any harder, are you going to take a break? But you don't turn 30 all the time.

Speaker 1:

And what had happened was it was my friend Venetia's birthday and our friend Circa and a bunch of other people, her boyfriend, dom, and everyone pitched in to fly me in. Little old Bob, can you imagine being liked so much? People want to fly you into their town In New Jersey. So they flew me out on an airplane and I've only flown for standup comedy and now my friend Venetia's birthday. So we flew out and they had this huge party house that we were going to party in. And uh, they were like we'll hide you upstairs and she'll come out and like look at her balcony, and then you'll be like what's up, bitch, or whatever. And so you know that's what we did, that's what we got to do and that's what we did. My fucking ear. There it goes. It felt good. It felt good to be the surprise.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know I was so special to be a surprise, which was cool. I didn't know I was so special to be a surprise, which was cool. And I also didn't know I thought she'd be like hell. Yeah, we thought like she'd be like no way, cause apparently she kept asking. They were like, hey, you can't. Like they were talking about taking cars and like you can't ride with us. I'm like why is? She would be like is Bobby Jaycox with you? And I was like, yes, so I'm waiting, I scare her, or didn't scare you know, or whatever. And she cried and then I didn't know how to react, cause I think that's so. I didn't. You know, you never. I was. It was her birthday, but from a bird's eye view could have looked like my birthday. So we partied, she cried, we all gave group hugs and then we drink and drank, and drank and drank some more. There was a pool, a hot tub and pretty much there's.

Speaker 1:

So you ever go to one of those Airbnbs where you keep finding rooms like, like at the end of the night when everyone's like looking for a place to sleep, you'll just be like, well, let me go see if there's a cover downstairs. And then you're like guys, there's a whole fucking room dedicated to cars down here. You talking about a garage. No, this guy loves cars so much he's got cars coming out of the wall. It's like a car room. You could sleep in the car room and then you could sleep in the foosball table room, and then there's always someone who like, finds that like they don't want to bother anybody so they sleep on. Like there's like that front door futon. You know it's like as soon as you open the door there's that futon, so, like rich people can take their shoes off, someone will like sleep there.

Speaker 1:

We didn't sleep, we did not sleep very much, and then by the time we went to sleep, there was a guy in the group who, at the party we got someone paid for a guy to have hibachi like done, like set up and done, and I didn't even know you could do that. They're like, we're gonna have hibachi set up and done. I didn't even know you could do that. They're like we're going to have hibachi brought here and I thought that maybe the guy's flinging it from the place and they're like look up, and you're like, and you got to catch it, but I didn't think you could bring it. And it's like Bobby, anyone who's out there, it's like Bobby, it's just a stove. It's probably not the podcast for you. If everything makes sense to you and you're like yeah, actually, I'm like then shut the fuck up. So I didn't know that. I've just never heard of this, so I didn't know it existed.

Speaker 1:

I grew up in High Ridge Missouri, where I got high, so we, uh, we the hibachi grill was there and then the guy had a gun uh, not a real gun, a water gun. He had a water gun of sake and he was like he would cook and then like squirt it into our mouths. And then at night we were talking about there was this guy who pretty much did that and passed out. Like he kept being like give me more, and we were because we would count while you do it. You'd be like 36, 37. And I did it, for I did it a couple of times too, but after a while you're like I came here for a birthday to have fun, like no one wants to be the guy who passes out at a party, but this guy did.

Speaker 1:

And then I made the joke where I was like do you think whenever the hibachi guy showed up, he was like in 30 minutes, I'm going to be asleep. Do you think that that was part of his thought process? So by the time we all went to bed, honestly, it was probably like. I don't know what time it was, but it's maybe like 4.30 in the morning. By the time most people are in their rooms. People are going to bed. I'm going on the bed, on a couch, and I had to move the couch so we could also watch TV. I'm on a couch, our friends are over here, we're watching Nat Geo. Then that guy who passed out woke up. He did that thing where he was like oh, what time is it? I was like none of us care, man, dude, you're about to just be up by yourself. I heard he walked to the ocean and watched the sunrise. That's exactly what you should do. That's about as far what you should do. That's about as far. That's about as far as you should go. So, yeah, what a brilliantly fun time. And we walked to the ocean that night.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my God and dude, my buddy Dom, uh, he's a comedian in New Jersey and, uh, we've been like we become friends like real fast. Like I feel like I kind of do that with everybody. I feel like it's like I'm not trying to make every situation is unique, but it's like I be, I will befriend people fast. But like, me and Dom got became friends like real fast, but especially the last time I was in New York a couple of weeks ago, like I bought tickets for me and him and, uh, our friend Danny, to like run around and go to New York and like go to shows. And, by the way, I bought tickets and I like looked at all the lineups in New York and I was like what's the best lineups that we can get? Like maybe go to two shows and get like the best lineups. And we got that.

Speaker 1:

I might've talked about this already on the pod, but we got like the best lineups and it's like we're going to see see was Jordan Jensen. And I asked him. I was like, hey, man, what comedian do you love right now? Who do you like? And he goes dude, you know who I love, jordan Jensen. I was like that's the last comedian we're going to fucking see.

Speaker 1:

Like I couldn't even keep. I was no good at keeping a secret. It was hard for me to in venetia, it was fucking crazy. But me and don we like really bonded, like we've bonded a couple times before that, but like that was a real. I feel like it solidified it for both of us. So then a couple like about a month later is where we were walking towards the ocean and dude, me and him are just having a great time, and at one point he's like I want to jump in the ocean. I was like, fuck, yeah, me too, dude. I take cold showers or whatever. You ever just not feelin' it. I'm always I'm usually the guy that's like who gives a fuck, and he's like runnin' in and it's so cold. I'm like hoping he's gonna change his mind and I'd be like, yeah, I'm too cold too. We'll make memories the next time we're at those.

Speaker 1:

But he fuckin' like dove in. I was like, oh God, so I dove in too and because it was so cold when I went under, I breathed in. Then I made it like way less cool. Like he came out of the water. He's like, he like literally like I saw him get out of the water and do that thing where you like rub your face and you're like, and I came out of the water. I was like just I'm about to throw up, even thinking about just like the ocean, oh god.

Speaker 1:

And dom was like having so much fun that like he kept doing this and I've done that too, like I've done that whenever it's like the last time we were in florida, I was like having a good time, like laying on my back, but, dude, the waves were big, it was dark and it was so fucking cold and we're the only ones in there, and so after we jumped in, I kind of like started backing up and he keeps getting in and I was like I feel like you gotta have that moment at the beach where you're like lieutenant dan, where you're like, and at that moment he made his peace with god. Piss, water goes in your mouth. Can't really make got a moment with god without a little bit of the ocean and piss in your mouth. I don't know if you know that, but that's just facts. And uh, the yeah, we just it was so fun. And then, yeah, he kept going to the ocean, dude, like this, the moon was fucking beautiful that night and he kept going.

Speaker 1:

And I was telling him the next day I was like, dude, I wanted to keep joining you, I'm sorry, I was like being cold because, like I wasn't being a bad vibe or anything like that. I was like you gotta get, gotta get back. But I literally, as soon as I got out, like I was shaking. I literally was like looking around. I was like you ever get so cold that you like look around and you're like I could die If I didn't have any help and I didn't, I don't even have my shoe I would, might die, I could die. Um, so I was like I was freezing and uh, yeah, so we did sake out of a gun.

Speaker 1:

We went to the ocean. Um, I mean, laughed so fucking hard. Oh, and then that's what we. I was like what do we do the next day? The next day, we go to a beautiful place, a gem of New Jersey known as Atlantic City. We went to Atlantic City and they turned a place that used to be somewhere else Someone told me, and I kind of forgot into a water park. And I'll tell you this the outside and when you walk in you're like, doesn't look that crazy. Best water slides I've ever ridden in my life. Usually I feel like when you get older you start riding water slides and you're like they're done really fast, like you go down and by the time you're in it you can see the slides are fine. You know that's how I feel.

Speaker 1:

I feel like the slides are fine but we went to this place in atlantic city and I can't remember what it's called. It's called the show. I don't know, I don't remember what it is called. I really have heard of um, the showboat, was it? I can't remember.

Speaker 1:

But uh, dude, these slides were so much fucking fun that we were like like after you would get down, we thought we'd like write a couple of slides. And then it's like adults were like last guy, my mother, no, we kept riding the motherfucker. I could not stop riding him. And then you would get like that kind of tired you'd only get because of water. You know where you just keep going water and then and speaking about piss water, so where you're just like this water I'm gonna get an infection, um. But, dude, we were having a blast and I'm kind of a trickster. I don't know how you guys are on rides, but they're like tape, your hands armed, and I'm like you shut the. Yeah, I one in in one ear, out with water out the other. I fucking go like this and get it out of my head. And we were going down in the first couple ones we did. We did like either by yourself or you could do like a double tube, and it was my friend uh, venetia's birthday. We partied for her all fucking week.

Speaker 1:

I, we were going in the slides and then there's this part where you get to like a big ball that's enclosed and you kind of like get stuck for a second. Then you like push yourself out, I jump off, so she goes up and I go help and she goes and she's like trying to get me back in and she was so not expecting it that she could not stop laughing. Like when we got to the bottom of the slide we were both laughing so hard that we just like sat there and like get out and we're like, but like I like doing that. And then I did that with my friend enigma too. I did the exact same thing, but I actually got lost from her. I actually jumped off and I went down without her on accident. And when you're not going in those tubes, I guess friction or however fucking science works. I was, I was like bye, and then I tried to stop and I was like I guess I can't. I came around a tourner and then she hit me in the back of the head and I was like oh, there you are, jump back on the fucking boat. So God, we had that.

Speaker 1:

It was at a water park and then I got to ride one of those fucking dude. I got to ask her if she's got that video. I need a text. Oh my God, dude, she's got to send me that video. I, uh, I'd never seen, you know, one of those like wave pools not those fucking things where you sit in a tube and everyone gets waves thrown at them.

Speaker 1:

I'm talking about the where it looks like you're surfing or whatever. They had one of those boogie board things and I kept watching people and like I got a little cocky. I was like dude, I can skateboard, I can do this. I'm going to. I'm going to like kind of show off. And I jumped on and man, just wrong enough that I immediately fell. I fell so fucking hard. The guys like show me how to do it. I'm like shut the fuck up, jump. It looks like I died. It looks like I died in fucking wave heaven.

Speaker 1:

And then they let you try it again and you feel like such a jackass. You literally get to walk back around and you're like thank you. You like pass little kids. You're like I'm 34. And you're like I have to do this. My adolescence wasn't. I didn't have this when I was a kid. I fucking always hated that. When I was a kid you watch an adult to walk in front of you to do something that you're like go ride a motorcycle, to go do something that adults do it would fucking piss me off. But I was. I signed a waiver and I'm gonna do my second try because I get to. But he got me up that time and then I gave him like a thumbs up, which was not my goal. I wanted to fucking like try to stand on it and do something cool, but I didn't. I looked like a jackass and I wonder what else?

Speaker 2:

What was the other thing we did? We did that, we did that.

Speaker 1:

We did that, dude, I've had some of that. They also also for some fucking reason, because I was the surprise. They were like, well, we're not gonna let you pay for anything. So, literally, even the birthday girl was are you sure it wasn't my birthday? Are you sure you didn't trick me and it was my birthday? Because I've had a couple birthdays I felt like were skipped and this felt like a young man's fun birthday. So thank you guys.

Speaker 1:

But, dude, we kept eating so much fucking nice food you ever. They brought out, dude, I'm so fucking poor. They brought out a. They brought a, a seafood pizza, and they're like bobby, did you want a piece of this? And it was just in the middle before they touched it and I go, I don't know what that is. I didn't know if I should start throwing my chopsticks at it. I didn't know if I should start cutting it. I didn't like they picked it up like it was a piece of pizza and I was like it looked like a video game. I was like it looked like it didn't break, like that. And then he picked it up. I was like what the fucking shit is that? What a shit of fucking goddamn.

Speaker 1:

Wait, expedia, a new message waiting you. Your hotel sent you up. Oh my God, your hotel sent you an update. Oh, I wish I had something to write down because I'll tell you this, I'll tell you this If they're not giving me my refund, I will pitch a fucking tent or whatever. I know it's Okay.

Speaker 1:

And then, what the fuck else? Yeah, oh, yeah, that was what happened is uh. So I came in town and I was going to be in town for like roughly three or four days, like whenever Venetia saw me, she goes are you, are you staying in town? I was like yes, and then she's like for the party on Saturday. I was like, okay, so not for the party on Saturday, because that's a week away. I can't stay here for a week.

Speaker 1:

And then there was something wrong with my flight and they were basically trying to fix stuff and they're like throw like flight credits at people and stuff and they're like we'll save you money if you change your flight. And that happened twice and they changed it for me twice. So I left a week later. I was like, hey, if I'm not buying my flights, I don't give, I go, I'll change my fucking license plate to New Jersey or however the fuck that works and uh. So then, yeah, my flights, they delayed my flights. And then, uh, but for good measure, because I had just so much fucking fun. They're like are you sure you don't want to? You could probably stay a little bit. And I was like you're right, we should say and then, on, uh, saturday, uh, my friend venice had this, like, she has a um, it's like a 2000s like. Uh, it's like a 2000s party, like event party, and she's on stage as christine aguilera singing songs. Some people, other people come on stage.

Speaker 1:

I, I would love to say I dressed up as britney spears, but I was dressed up as Britney Spears. I literally they're like who should Bobby be? And then girls started talking over me and it was just like Britney bitch. So I got to be Britney Spears and I'll tell you what oops, I looking real good, I dress like Britney. And everyone said you look like Britney Spears. Like no one was even like what are you dressed? Everyone's like you're fucking Britney Spears. Kind of became the highlight of the party. People would be asking me to take my picture and I'd be like, just so you know, I'm a comedian. They're like we don't give a flying fuck about that. You're Britney Spears. So we got to dance around and I dressed like Britney.

Speaker 1:

I went on stage and I sang some fucking songs. I was telling it. I was jumped into the crowd, they missed me, landed on my fucking face, just kidding. But God damn if that wasn't fun, god damn if that wasn't a beautiful blast from the past. Got to sing songs, got to dance around with my friends, got to go out on the town, got to be around other people who are like, hey, if I'm staying in town, are you taking off work tomorrow? And they would go.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you're going to have to, because Bobby J Cucks doesn't always come in town. And guess what? I'm coming back in like a week, bobby, are you sure? Yeah, it's like two if I think about it. But I'm just gonna go there and I'm gonna be in new york doing shows. You can go see my shows in new york. I'll let you know where they're at online, but for right now.

Speaker 1:

But I'm gonna go out there, I'm gonna fucking hang out with them again, because they're like bobby, come out and sometimes you have to buy a flight and you're like well, I'm not doing anything for five days anyways, because technically I'm about to be homeless in Austin, texas, unless I get an apartment, and they are expensive and I want to live. So I think I'm going to just be homeless, because I also think that that's I. I think I have to be my health insurance. Like I asked the other day are you homeless? I'm like, yes, they're like, okay, we're just checking, bobby, are you still homeless? The last time I checked, I swear to God, the last time I checked, I was homeless.

Speaker 2:

The last time I checked, I had nothing left.

Speaker 1:

The last time I checked I had nothing left. You ever ask someone how little money they would have in their bank account? I was like what's the least amount? She was like if I get down to like seven grand I'll start to freak out. I'm like if I had that I literally go to ireland just to make sure my family's not from there. But you don't sound irish at all. That's how I know. That's how I know I'm not irish. That's how I know.

Speaker 1:

I'm just ready to fucking not be in this apartment. There's this, there is my uh, zach moved out. He is like pretty much moved out. Everything's all empty and God damn, I would sleeping in a car not as weird as when the rest of the apartment's empty. Like I feel like I go, I go to like go to the kitchen. You open the door and it's like. It's just like fucking desolate. And yeah, a lot of things about living with my bro fucking were not cool. We had to figure a lot of fucking things out, but I love the guy and so now that time is over and I'm going to be homeless Can you spell homeless?

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God. And here's the thing about being homeless it's not that bad. It's not that bad you just don't have. Because here's the thing, I've had two apartments and was homeless or whatever, like I couldn't get to either one of them because one like was about to lapse and I had to move out, but then I had to pay for my other one, so I'm sleeping in the car before I get to Austin, you know so. And those things fucking happen. You're like my health insurance did hit me up and they were like yeah, you might lose coverage if you didn't like do this.

Speaker 1:

I was like, dude, I filed all this kind of stuff and I was homeless and I called the lady on the phone. She goes oh, if you were homeless, it's very helpful. It's like this is america, this is america, I am american. But they fucked up my voting thing. I literally went to vote and they're like yeah, we don't. You weren't like registered, registered. I'm like it's fucking, I've been american, you, I hate it. I hate it here. I'm gonna move to a place, or just talk about moving to a place, like everyone else does you know, I'm moving.

Speaker 1:

Oh, no shit. I was thinking about moving, even though I never traveled or anything. I was thinking about moving. And then I am one of those guys too that I am so poor. But I got home and I didn't want to drink another cockroach in my coffee, because that happens sometimes. I didn't want to drink another cockroach in my coffee, cause that happens sometimes. I didn't want to drink another cockroach in my coffee. So instead I went across the street and bought a coffee and I sent a picture to my friend and I was like all I have left is there's like a $1 hanging out. She's like, yeah, and that $6, fucking coffee. And I was like damn, bitch, damn. I just didn't want to. So today I'm drinking homemade coffee. It's homemade coffee from a big, the cheap jug that they make, the big container where you scoop it out and you're just like I don't like my life, but I'm milking my own coffee, so I must be better than everybody else.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm going to go to New Jersey in June. I'm going to help my friends set up and then I'm going to go do some shows. Dude, I want to go fucking out to New York. I just like going out to New York. Anytime. I feel lost, I feel like New York solves it for me. So I'm going to do that. I'm going to go to Cleveland, ohio, and then I'm going to fly to New Jersey, and then I'm going to fly to New Jersey and then I'm going to fly back home and I think, possibly while I'm headlining at the Velveeta room, I will be homeless. I will technically not have a home. So, as a guy who will not have a home, after celebrating one year in Austin, texas, live in the dream.

Speaker 1:

Uh, come see my shows, cause if you don't come see my shows, so just fucking come see a show, otherwise it's all going to be over. Do you want me to go back to being a firefighter? I didn't think so. You guys all laugh when I say it on stage, so you better not laugh when you're in a smoking building and I'm the one coming to save you and you're like. I'm like you should have bought the more tickets. Link down in bio. Bobby, you forgot to put the link. Shut the fuck up. Use your brain. Everyone does that. No one's good at this. Or comedians? Oh, that's what I do too. I watch other listen to our comedians podcast. I'm like actually I should do this. I'm like you get six views a week. Bobby, shut the flock up. There's a great, great, great, great great. There's a great uh.

Speaker 1:

Um, like sadness I feel like whenever like a change happens in my life. Like I literally came home from the road, zach had moved all this stuff out and I had my, my empty room and I was just like, oh, you know, like that sadness, like I think I'm bad at like changes, but then there is an inner voice that like talks to you or whatever. The next day, whenever I was like getting up and start my day, zach came. Whenever Zach came home, he was like packing up stuff and I was like I'm just going to help him throw stuff in his car. You know what I mean. Like you just like did that and then we started laughing and then we went out that night and we all went and hung out and I was like sometimes you just got to let bygones be bygones. And I know that I'm not by, but the gones are. I know I'm not by but the bygones are bygone. And I know I seem like I'm by but I'm not.

Speaker 1:

My friend Venetia introduces me all the time she goes. This is my gay friend Bobby, who's not gay, and is that the most accurate thing I've ever heard? You be the judge. I'm not gay, my dad is so, but so I have that. I came home and I literally just cried. I literally was like in my room.

Speaker 1:

I had this like, because it's not like, dude, I've slept in my car and been happy. I don't know all the things that people think make you sad. Don't make you sad, it's just change, it's just doing this. But the thing I've noticed is that, like, the best way to do it is to like plunge through it, like, literally like. I feel like I try to treat everything like you have that thing where you like think you could like, if you're like on the edge of a cliff and you're going to perish, you just jump off. Or if you just jump off, or if you were like or maybe that's just me, but like you have these like ideas, you're I could just do that, or whatever you gotta do that with. I try to do that every moment.

Speaker 1:

Instead of being like this thing sucks, this thing sucks, this thing sucks, like being like it does suck, what are you gonna do about it does suck, what are you gonna do about it? And then, if things still suck, how long can you let that fucking thing ruminate before? You need to like make more room in your brain? Cause when I was gone on the road hanging out with my friends, I had no worries or problems. They took care of me, I felt good. And then I came home and I had all this fucking massive weight and problems like waiting for me. But I was like, how about I just like start to deal with them? You know what I mean. How about you just start to deal with them instead of being like, instead of just living up here? It's express. You got to express yourself.

Speaker 1:

And if you're listening to this, still you're like I think this guy's gay and doesn't know what he's talking about. Well, you just wait and see. And you might be right, and you might see me working on the as a homeless person soon. And you'd be like I told you you weren't going to make it, or I'll be famous and I'll see you. And and you'll be like I told you you weren't going to make it, or I'll be famous and I'll see you and I'll be like I told you I was going to make it. You're like, how the fuck do you know. I was even going to say it. How the fuck do you know that? I said that inside my head, no idea, god. I'm out of stuff not to talk about. I'm out of, like, uh, bandwidth because I have so many things to do, because here's what I have to do as soon as I get off here, and maybe you, maybe you know what this is like.

Speaker 1:

You're like I have to look for an apartment and decide if I should get a storage unit, get an apartment, get a little bit of a refund on this fucking apartment for all the fucking things, or go live on the road, go sublet a place. I'm kind of thinking about doing that. There's a part of me that thinks because I have to come back sometimes. I'm kind of thinking about is it cheaper to maybe fucking live in New York for a month or whatever? Definitely not Los Angeles. I can't do that. But like it's New York and Austin right now, I just want to go back and forth because those places are fun, and then I'll be going on the road with fucking Tatum, so like we are going to have so much fucking fun. I just want to focus on that. You know, I want to focus on that, not where I live, because I I fucking this place I've been paying for for. So, dude, I've barely been here. I have my bed, that's over there and this and a closet think about it, but like that's where all my stuff is, it's like right here. So do I really need my own place? Do I really need to come home and have my own place to shit? Isn't that the best I really do love, and having my own place to shit, like as soon as this episode is done.

Speaker 1:

If you're like, what's he going to do? He's going to upload. No, he's going to shit first, then upload shit down, then up load. And if I don't, it's only because that pain went away for a second or whatever. I keep hearing people say this. Someone said the other day they're like because if they're like, oh, if you hold in a fart, like it turns into a burp. I don't know if I believe that, because that would mean that, like, that would be like. Then, if I like, if I don't poop, then it turns into throw up, right, like there's. Just I have a very hard time believing I hold in my fart and then it just waits there and he goes fine, Okay, I'll go all the way back. I'll go all the way back where I started going through and then like going past pieces of shit, just like excuse me, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Like whenever you walk through like a train like.

Speaker 1:

You know what I mean. You ever seen the movie ghost get all on my train? So I don't think that that happens. Right, there's no way that that can happen. You can't. I don't think that that happens.

Speaker 1:

I don't think that you, I don't think that if you hold in your fart it turns into a burp. And I don't think if you're hurt, because if you don't hold your poop it doesn't turn into throw up. And I don't think and also that wouldn't make sense either like, why would like? Is a fart stinks? And if that fart was already in your tummy, if it has to go back through, wouldn't your burp make everyone throw up? I'll tell you this I did burp once in an Uber and it was so stinky Even the Uber driver rolled down his window, everyone, I go, I'm so sorry. My buddy's wife was like it's so stinky. She doesn't speak great English, so she was like Bobby is stinky. And I was like I didn't, sorry, I didn't know. I didn't know when I burped it was going to smell like my grandma and grandpa fucking.

Speaker 1:

So that's how we're ending the podcast Love you Follow. Do all the things that are important for me today. I'm about to be homeless. So if you're like I've always wondered if I should join Patreon, yeah, do it now. If you're always wondering, should I subscribe? It's one button. Do buttons on your phone and help this guy out. Bobby, I don't want to help you out. Well then, I have to sell everything behind me. I played Cocaine, bobby, and that's a replica robe. So if you want to buy a replica robe from a music video, it's right there and you'll message me and I'll be like I can't sell it because I love them too much and I love you guys. Have a good night. That's the fucking episode. I'll fucking see you later. Bye.