Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

95 The Gambler's Summer | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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Bob takes us on a wild journey through his recent gambling misadventures, road trip observations, and poignant reflections on aging in this deeply personal episode of Discombobulated.

The casino has a way of making us forget everything we know about math and probability. Bob's $240 loss becomes a springboard for exploring the psychology behind gambling – the magical thinking, the superstitions, and the desperate attempts to recoup losses that only lead deeper into the hole. Despite the financial setback, he finds humor in the situation, celebrating the small victory of not visiting the ATM or bumming a cigarette.

As summer draws to a close, Bob contemplates the bittersweet nature of seasonal transitions. He hilariously skewers the clichéd conversations about fall weather and pumpkin spice lattes while touching on something profoundly relatable – that end-of-summer feeling when we realize all the adventures we planned but never experienced. His take on fall as a time to "cozy up with all your sad thoughts" somehow manages to be both cynical and comforting.

The episode takes a vulnerable turn as Bob discusses turning 35. His emotional birthday – crying alone on a Vancouver balcony and realizing he couldn't remember the last time he blew out candles – captures the complex emotions of growing older. The changing nature of birthdays, from the expectation-filled celebrations of our twenties to the more introspective moments of our thirties, will resonate with anyone who's felt the passage of time.

Between philosophical musings, Bob delivers laugh-out-loud moments, including an unfortunate pants-soiling incident and observations about roadside attractions featuring Elvis. His talent for finding profound meaning in everyday experiences, all while making you chuckle, shines throughout.

Whether you're reeling from your own gambling losses, preparing for fall, or contemplating another trip around the sun, this episode offers the perfect blend of humor and heart. Don't forget to check out Bob's upcoming tour dates and join the Patreon to support the show!

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https://www.patreon.com/c/DiscombobulatedwithBobbyJaycox

Speaker 1:

Bob's on tour. Come out and see his show.

Speaker 2:

On September 5th and 6th I'm going to be opening for Erica Rhodes at Big Laugh in Dallas, fort Worth.

Speaker 1:

And then on September 14th you can see me at Good Nights in Raleigh, north Carolina. I'm headlining. Come see a show.

Speaker 2:

And then I'm opening for Cactus Tate, september 19th and 20th in Covina, california.

Speaker 1:

And then September 28th, please tell me, I'm flying. I have to September 28th. That's when I will be in Portland Oregon, the one, the only, unless you're going to another place and there's a Portland, portland Oregon. I'm coming back. Can't wait to come back to do shows.

Speaker 2:

And then, if I forgot any, shows that's how blessed I am. I'm a blessed little bitch, so thank you. Probably shouldn't cuss in the intro. Alright, that's it. Here's the episode with the one we all love and tolerate. It's Bob. Here he is. Wow, that's like getting the vaccine.

Speaker 3:

Hey everybody, welcome back. It's another episode of Discombobulated. Thank you for listening. Please join the Patreon, because I just lost $240 fucking dollars to a casino, because doesn't luck just radiate, don't you just see a casino and you're like, oh shit.

Speaker 2:

Should I stop?

Speaker 3:

Should I go against mathematical odds and stop and lose money and then have a limit and then be like I'm an adult and push past that limit and then be just sad and then pull out 40 more bucks from your wallet, not the ATM. Small wins we have to focus on the small wins, do we not? Yes, we do. Bob the Gambler, can we fix it? Bob the Builder, what are the odds on that? We can. There's just, there's just no winning, is there? There's just no winning.

Speaker 3:

When you want to god and then people are like that's what life's about, then that sucks. Then that completely, absolutely fucking sucks. If winning in life is like sweet little thing, I want to hit on black, I want to put all my money on black and have it hit and then just double my money. But instead I go black, okay, then red, and then okay, now it hit black, okay, then now black, okay, then red, and then Okay, now it hit black. Okay, then now red. Okay, it hit, double your money. Oh, I forgot about green. Oh, we always forget about green. Why didn't you bet on green? Because the luck was in my favor. I could feel it in my heart. Bobby, that might be a manic episode. Shut up Listening to my podcast to judge me.

Speaker 3:

Who in the hell do you think you are Running around leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Am I? I am Running round leaving scars. I don't care, I don't care, I don't really care. Fuck, he's pulling behind me. Who cares? I'm just driving, no.

Speaker 1:

Who do you?

Speaker 2:

think you are.

Speaker 3:

Running around leaving scars, collecting your jar. Yeah, so the jar of hearts is my cash At some fucking place in Oklahoma. I wish I remembered the name so I could call and ask for my fucking money back. I do want to know. I guess I don't really care how many times it happens. I guess I don't know how many times it happens and I mostly want to listen in to those phone calls because you know they happen. So I'm leaving like okay, so want to listen into those phone calls because you know that happens. I'm leaving like okay. So because I've I've seen those reviews, because I've looked up a review which is weird, that it's like a 2.5 or this, that, and I'm like you're probably just mad like no one's leaving a review like what a million bucks. If you win money, the last thing you do is you're leaving a review.

Speaker 3:

So then you just see these people who are like, yeah, I put in, and they say in their mouth that your no is not true. Like, put in $30,000. Put in $30,000,. Sat at the same machine for 29 minutes and in that amount of time yes, in that amount of time, that amount of money lost all of it. So you know this place is a scam. And you're like what?

Speaker 3:

This time I was happy that I wasn't like each time little wins, not cash wise, but whenever I left I was like you know what? Yeah, that was exactly what I said I was going to do, because I did put cash in my car, I did hide stuff, said I was going to do because I did put cash in my car, I did hide stuff. And I was like I know, I'm not going to take out cash, I'm not going to smoke a cigarette, I'm going to get a coffee, I'm going to gamble a little bit and I'm out. And then I'm just, oh, my God, dude, this is one of the best parts. It's because whenever you're gambling like I like roulette, I like a little bit of a roulette, you know, because you can lose money slowly if you want, you can lose it fast. You can start feeling like it's like playing roulette, feels like picking out a wand at Ollivander's for, like Harry Potter, you're just like everything explodes. You're like, well, not that one, how about the bottom thirds? Apparently not. And then you're feeling like, fine, I'll just put fucking black red. You put it on both. Yeah, no, you'll put it on black. And then it hits. And then you're like I wonder, I wonder, could it be? Could it be this number killed this boy's physical? Come back to take the casino.

Speaker 3:

I do want to know like the longest run and the most amount of money that was had before. They were just like, just ask that guy to leave, Because I think they're allowed to do that. But I have also heard of like guys, you know, who worked at casinos and are like, yeah, I've seen a kid when like 100, not a real kid, but you know they're like 22. That's a kid Like $1.4 million. And they like they just write a check to you like won $1.4 million. And they just write a check to you. Dude, they might have been joking when they said that, because I don't know, I've never won $1.4 million, but if they do write a check to you, I am taking a picture Like I'm going to my bank app, I can find everything so front and the back, and putting it in and then waiting the weekend.

Speaker 3:

I'm doing it right there, I'm not folding it up and putting it in my wallet. I'm doing it right there. I'm not folding it up and putting it in my wallet, I'm just not. So, yeah, I was happy with myself. Little wins. You know, I was like I didn't take out money from the ATM win, didn't bum a cigarette, didn't smoke a vape, but you know that's not to say I didn't, you know, still fucking take out a little bit more extra money, like I didn't win at all. Sometimes you're like, well, that's what's so weird about gambling, and I'm not like saying I figured this out, I'm saying because it's like obviously, here's, I'm passing another one. Should I stop? Chocked out? Should I stop with the chocked out? No, little wins, bob Little wins, bob Little wins, but not at the casino. And uh, hello, yeah, I lost $240. I'd like to speak to your manager. Our manager actually cannot wait to speak with you. He cannot wait to tell you to, with all due respect, go and fuck yourself, huh, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Um.

Speaker 3:

Angel's Diner. The hell, is that a strip club diner? No, but it does have a picture of Elvis. You don't want to. I'm sorry to get off track on my own podcast. At the bottom, elvis. Look at shaky leg to Elvis. You don't want people that when they were building that. They're like we want to get nostalgia and we want to catch nostalgia and we all our business is nostalgia Cause. Where's the progression on? Like, hey, burgers shouldn't have that much, whatever they were putting in burgers. So Fuck you guys. Fuck you for putting a stoplight here. No, you don't want to eat at those places. You see a picture of Mel this way, don't get gas, don't get coffee. Let those places die.

Speaker 3:

Bobby, I don't know what to tell you. If you see a place, maybe it's awesome, who knows, maybe I'm in a bad mood because I just fucking lost $240 fucking dollars, but I really am fine, like I fine. And then, but I am starting like doing math, you're like, oh shit, well, I can make that back. But like, what is? What is the logic when you think you're like, okay, well, I bet money? And then you're like, yeah, I know I lost. And then you're like but if I bet more money, there's no. What are the odds on that? I continually lose again and again, and then you lose that again and again, and then you're like but if there's one more chance that I could go ahead and win some of my money back, I probably wouldn't Because I would still feel like there's a loss and I still need to get back to where I was to even feel remotely good. And even if I did that, then I would feel the luck of the Irish or whatever and try to push past it, which I did.

Speaker 3:

I saw one that had like an Irish guy and I don't even think I'm Irish and I was like oh, am I you start doing that with, like the? Because I played, you know, I played roulette and then I I'd go to the fucking slots. Oh, is this one lucky, fucking. 18 bucks, cool, sick, awesome. Played six, played every line, played every line. Understand the game zero. Okay, let me go to another one.

Speaker 3:

Then you start judging people. You're like oh, you look ugly. I'm like you can't win. So I'll say bye you so that I can be the one to win, because that's what I'm better looking than you, bobby. I never did it. You are better than me, man.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, so you know, lost $240, okay, that happens. But you know, lost $240, okay, that happens. But you know, now I'm drinking gas station coffee and going to places called like All Sucks, potentially the dumbest name for a thing. All Sucks is the dumbest name for a thing, all Sups is the dumbest name for a thing, and if I'm missing it, sure, then you know what I'm the dumb one. But All Sups Are you saying? It's like All Sups, all Sups, all Sups, al Sups. Is that a name? Al Sups? Is that a name? Al Sups? Because it sucks?

Speaker 3:

And that's a place I just got coffee in. Boy, does it taste like coffee? Just, there were beans put in here with water and hot and then so, yeah, you just pull it out and I got to fucking. You just hope for the best. Just drink it, just go, oh, that's great.

Speaker 3:

Then it gets you jittery and then cops pull behind you and you're like I was speeding and it changes so much. I hate that. That's the worst part about driving through Texas. It gets a little bit better. Honestly, I think once I hit Missouri is my recollection when it's going to start getting better, because Missouri it hits 60 miles an hour and then you're just going and if you want to stop, get the fuck off the highway.

Speaker 3:

But here in Texas, and sometimes in Oklahoma, where I've noticed is they'll like just stop, and they'll put like the whole city right in the middle of the road and I'm like, wow, just let us keep flying through, we don't need to go be 75, 65, 40. Now You're like, oh shit, is this good for my brakes? Well, we don't care. Here in texas, god bless texas, slam on your brakes, go around that guy fucking way too fast. I'm not, I'm saying that's, that's the bit. Probably shouldn't talk like that while I'm driving. Don't want to scare you, uncle bob doesn't want to scare you. You know bob doesn't want to scare you. You know, bob, are you an uncle? No, my brother cannot bear children, so our children, I don't.

Speaker 3:

I, uh, I'm glad my brother doesn't have kids. I don't want anything that I have to pretend care about and I know that that would be like a sweet love and I'm sure I would love them. But, like, get a dog, I'll come watch it. Oh, come on, there's too many funny things. That said, it says 69 north 69. Hey, I think there's a little bit of a big blue monkey innuendo in there and then, uh, I'm not saying everything. I'm seeing that would just be a boring podcast, bob it. It's already boring. You shut the hell up. Yeah, I can't believe we're at the end of summer and now it's switching. Now it's switching. Oh, now it's switching. It's going from that hot, hot summer convo to that fall transition convo. They're putting up stuff too early. Okay, which has progressed into my favorite. You know the only thing I'll eat? I won't even stop at Starbucks until they have pumpkin spice latte. You know what? I actually can't even breathe all summer until fall hits my nose. No one gives a flying fuck. Who?

Speaker 3:

the fuck doesn't like the breeze coming in. Fat people love it, skinny people love it. You know the only people who don't like it, people who like to have a conversation that sucks, those, I actually, I actually, I actually. When it charges all the nodes, everything that happens in my nose.

Speaker 2:

Bobby, are you killing him? Yes, thank you no problem You're dead.

Speaker 3:

No one cares. If you hate summer or winter, I can understand, and you might even be a cliche, but you know what? Yeah, I get it. Actually, when fall happens, that's the most time when I it's beautiful People who don't enjoy fall. You're also the same people that say, like Wednesday's my Saturday, it's fucking, my Saturday, it's fucking. No, it's not, though, and no one cares. That's why we named it Wednesday. Actually, it's my Saturday. Actually, none of the people around you care about you and they want you dead, and they won't say that, and when you die they'll be like such a shame, but deep down, they're like you make them re-believe in the god they don't believe in. They're like I'm glad they're dead, but I'm not allowed to say that now. I feel bad for saying that. Let me talk to this higher power. That was a big bottle. Go back once semi trucks start really passing you. You know the speed limit changes back up again. They do it as soon as it changes. It was literally like fucking 45 a second ago.

Speaker 3:

I don't know the uh, yeah, that fall weather is coming in. I'm ready for fancy fall. Fancy fall, robert, coming your way. Ooh, a gas station coffee. Don't mind if I check my balance first. Bye mind if I check my balance first. A couple more cool things I could do and they kind of cost money. But then you're like, I'm in Austin, I just driven from New York to Texas and I know I don't need to change my oil yet, but I like to check. Leaks happen, things happen. Your battery completely shit and you needed to find that out. Thank God, the guy I tipped him before. Huge help.

Speaker 3:

And I'm going to be honest, I'm not going to talk about tipping right now. I still think and we all tip, and you should, we all tip everybody. Can I say that, yes, but when you tip someone egregiously and then they are nice to you, that's what tipping's for. It shouldn't be, because the business will support you financially unless I tip you. And if you're like Bob, you're, are you going to say you're not a tip? I tip almost every single place that you're allowed to, even the places where you're like we actually can't afford tips. I'm like, if I leave it here, are you going to throw it away? You know what I mean.

Speaker 3:

I over tip, that's what I did with this guy. That's the story I'm trying to say. But we live in a time where you have to, so I over tip him and then luckily that's why you do this because he was like dude, you actually don't need to get your oil changed, we don't even need to top you off. I was like that's what I thought. I just wanted to be safe because I've been driving this thing all over. And he's like yeah, I'll check everything. He's like let me check your battery. So he checks my batteries. I don't know if I gave I think I gave him 10 bucks, dude, I gave him 10 bucks. I was there for six minutes, not bad and so and they're already like anyway, so he checks my battery.

Speaker 3:

He's like dude, it's saying caution, so I take it to a place to get checked. They're like it's not good and they go you're gonna, you'd have to, you have to charge it for 24 hours. I was like well, I'm going to leave pretty much almost in pretty close to 24 hours, and if not, even if that like if it doesn't work, then I whatever. And they were like yeah, they're like how much is a new battery and they're bucks $24. And then I so I went across the street because I wanted to see if I was under warranty for the battery that I have, which I was not, and they checked. But they give you money back for doing it.

Speaker 3:

But here's why I want to tell you this I had to get my fucking oil changed and, or sorry, I had to get my battery changed. And I go and do it. And I have never seen this before. I am just going to tell you what I saw. But there were a bunch of guys that were outside of the AutoZone Men, women, children, everybody, cars and the guy was like hey, can you guys change my battery? Like, can I pay you guys to do it? He's like no, but you can ask anyone in the parking lot to do it, and you can, and for $20, and I tipped on top of it because they changed out my windshield wipers too, after about fucking $400. Almost $400. Oh, no, yeah, the tips and everything. Yeah, about $400. Oh, no, yeah, with tips and everything. Yeah, about $400.

Speaker 3:

I had to fucking do all that and then didn't need an oil change. But now I have a new battery and a new outlook on life and it's the end. It's the end of summer, it's the end of Manero. You know, that's how it always feels. You know, you never feel like you did enough. You always had these plans. You're like I'm going to learn how to backflip my back hurts. You're like, oh, I'm going to learn a new language. You got drunk and speak your shittier. I'm going to go. You didn't go. No ear, I'm going to go. You didn't go.

Speaker 3:

But that's what fancy fall is for. That's why they have pumpkin spice lattes for you to come and be like I have it. I didn't get what I wanted, but this was a nice treat while I'm waiting to pass away. This is a nice break from reality, while I realize that the summer that I had intended has gone into the shithurt. And then you even flushed it and the worst part is it comes back up and just sits there.

Speaker 3:

That's what you have to do. You have to wait for those couple-ass days of summer and still feel them and know that you're not going to go do the trip because it's over. And then you're not going to go. Because the thing because, oh fuck, you just got to watch it happen. It's like you go through a breakup and you're like still living with that person. You gotta like watch other people do it and you watch them go on dates and you're just like I'm a fuck. Thank god they have pumpkin sized lattes while summer's fucking everyone else, but that's what falls for.

Speaker 3:

That's why you cozy up with all your sad thoughts and that's what you're supposed to. That's why we're on Earth. That's why we're like earthly creatures. You're supposed to go through these cycles, these ha ha, oh no. That's where we're at right now. We're at a oh no, no, and it's not going to be good. If you're wondering what to look out for, I'll tell you you're going to be all those friends that you haven't heard from all summer. You'll hear from them. Dude, I missed you so much. I know, I saw that you went. We meant to invite you but we forgot about your. But now that they invited me and now that I'm, I'm, and it's never going to be like that again. Is that ultra-specific? No.

Speaker 2:

That you think this is about you, don't you?

Speaker 3:

You're an F word, bob. That's not safe. You should see me jerk off while I drive. I don't do that. That's illegal. You can't do that. And also the quietest blowjob of all time, which I prefer loud blowjob. What are we doing? But no, that's what to get prepared for for fall. Get prepared for all the greatness coming to an end that everyone else is going to try to grab it. You know what you grabbed, what you could grab. Just sit and wait. Be the best. This fall Right. Let's try to get this lighting better. That's a thumbnail or not? I don't know. Is that going to work? It looks so much better now. That's a thumbnail or not? I don't know. Is that going to work?

Speaker 3:

it looks so much better now the yeah, it's over, it's over and it's never coming back. And I'm going to try to fart right now and if I shit my pants on my own podcast, I won't lie, but I will be upset oh, thank god, ooh.

Speaker 3:

I barely even stink. I don't think it stinks, I just don't want to lie. So, yeah, just get ready for that fall, prepare for it. Don't let fall miss you, miss you out. Use fall and then use fall to get ready for winter, because that's the worst one. Oh god, don't you hate to see how people flail in the winter out, use fall and then use fall to get ready for winter, because that's the worst one. Oh God, don't you hate to see how people flail in the winter?

Speaker 3:

Dude, I meant to see you, and now that I realize you know what I mean. Yeah, and we all have those friends, and it's fine, and we all like to make up with people too, don't we? So I'll probably be that friend to somebody you know. But yeah, I also. Yeah, I also turned 35, which as if I'm going to use my own like accordance or what I got to get smarter.

Speaker 3:

That was, that wasn't even. That was like a kid. I might as well have been pretending to know what text is all. I turned 35. It felt like nothing. It meant nothing. I cried. I cried on my birthday Alone, though that's how you're supposed to do it. I didn't pull anyone else into it, you're not. That sucks. You can't pull other people into your cry. I just sat on the beautifulest balcony in vancouver. It was so beautiful and so that's how you know it's a real cry, because otherwise you can be like I don't give a shit about anything, but then you cry and then you feel like a bitch and then you're the one where you like, the one when you try to stop. Crying is the worst cry because you're like you. You're trying to hold it in your face starts like like.

Speaker 3:

Your face starts to get fucked up like the guys who like hung back at chernobyl trying to like help out they're like like they're.

Speaker 3:

It's like that. You know that's what that cry looks like, trying to hold it in, and I did that. But then it felt good and then I was like you're 35 now. Now you have to not worry about like now, birthdays are. Now I'm at the age where birthdays are just for me, and that's good, because I've had a bunch of birthdays are just for me, and that's good Cause I've had a bunch of birthdays where, you know, I'll be honest, I've been let down by so many birthdays. I've so many friends, surprise, surprise, surprise.

Speaker 3:

Then it turns your birthday and people are like happy birthday. And you're like, oh shit, dude, that's crazy. That's okay, but those years are for your 20s. So what am I even hoping for? So now I'm like that guy in his 30s. That's like hoping for something sweet.

Speaker 3:

And you know who was sweet Tata. Were we business partners that had to be together? Yes, did she still make sure I had balloons when I woke up and flowers? Yes, did she also get me a cake and make me blow out a candle? Yes, did she also ask me when was the last time I blew out candles and I cried because I couldn't remember? Yes, is that part of growing up Exactly?

Speaker 3:

Am I positive I didn't shit my pants just now? Yes, did I shit my pants two days before I turned 35? Yes, did I shit my pants? Yes, did I shit my butt? No, I fully shit my pants, shit my boxers, I farted and I could see the toilet, which is the worst one. You're like dude, this is a little fart that'll get me there faster. No, no, didn't work, I just shit. And then I had to like throw underwear away that I don't want anymore. So that's good, threw away underwear and then was embarrassed of myself and then I was like, cool, at least I was here and that's like, at least you're here. It's not a good small way?

Speaker 1:

Blah, blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3:

I don't know. That's how life is, and I'll leave you with this. I well, this is my philosophy until I found a better one. You gotta listen to your gut and everyone who's telling you those cliches of like life's better backwards, forwards, all this shit that sounds nice or anything. Those are people excited for pumpkin spice lattes. Those are the people just sitting around, but not me or you. We're the ones pushing through it. We've been getting ready for fall. We've been preparing for it because we grabbed as much of summer as we could, and now the mighty have fallen. We've been preparing for it because we grabbed as much as summer as we could, and now now the mighty have fallen. Unless you're, like me, at home listening, go live wherever you want. Maybe I will live on a beach for a little bit, bobby, are you sure? No, that's the podcast. I love you. You're great. Everybody's good. Talk to you later. Bye.