99 Out Of The Lou | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

A sunrise at the Arch, a long overnight drive, and a confession most of us dodge: sometimes the tears just don’t stop, and the only thing that steadies you is the road. We head back to St. Louis to face a stack of old memories—prom photos, a busted elbow, a skyline that still knows too much—and use humor to navigate the heaviness. It’s raw without being bleak, funny without being flippant, and honest about how weird and human it is to cry next to someone you love while pretending you’re fine.

We dig into the small mechanics of hiding big feelings—the fake yawn, the damp sunglasses, the careful breath—and the bigger question of when to share and when to protect your own space. Emotions show up like antique store finds: pretty in the aisle, awkward at home, and tough to part with even when they don’t fit your life. We talk about being “on reserve” for other people’s loneliness, setting boundaries without burning bridges, and why the instinct to go numb can feel easier than being open. Along the way, there’s a rant about bench pressing, a case for gentler movement, and a reminder that presence often starts with a walk, a laugh, and a phone on airplane mode.

This story isn’t about perfect healing; it’s about staying with yourself long enough to hear what the feelings are saying and then deciding what to keep. If you’ve ever driven home just to remember why you left, or stared at a city that holds both joy and regret, you’ll recognize the pulse here. Press play, ride shotgun through the nostalgia and the noise, and leave with a lighter grip on what no longer serves you.

If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who might need it, and drop a review. Tell me: what place still messes with your heart, and what did it teach you to carry?

Chapters

• 0:00 St. Louis Return And Road Ramble
• 4:45 Sleepless Crying And Damp Shades
• 9:30 Hiding Tears Next To Friends
• 15:20 Feelings As Antique Mall Junk
• 20:30 Try, Fail, Bench Press, Repeat
• 25:10 Choosing Numbness Over Oversharing
• 29:00 Scars, The Arch, And Old Memories

Transcript

SPEAKER_04: 0:00

Hello. Welcome back to another episode of Discombabulated. Thank you for choosing this podcast. There's so many to choose from. These there's so many. And you choose this. And you choose one with probably the greatest host of potentially all of time. I am right now, I am in San St. Louis, Missouri. Drove through the night, took a little pit stop nap, you know, in the car, like leaned back, kind of itched it, and then was like, oh, I stink. You know what I mean? You ever have one of those fucking pullover naps? You're like, oh, I'll take my shoes off. Oh, that's the stinkiest foot I've ever smelled. And it's my own. Bobby, if you can't love you, who's gonna love you? Well, fucking not me if my feet keep smelling like this. Thanks a lot, brand new Target socks. Stinkiest feet I've ever had. Thank you, Target. It's not your fault. Um, yeah, I uh it's a beautiful morning. I am staring into the sun right in front of the St. Louis Arch, which houses the president of Missouri. So I'm not actually sure why we're allowed to go up in it, but um, this is the city where I was born and raised. Well, I was outside of it. Yeah. But you'll say St. Louis, because if I if I'm I would sound fucking psychotic being somewhere else, like, where are you from? I'm like, actually high ridge. And they're like, what? I'm from High Ridge, Missouri. Is that a place? Swear to God. Swear to fucking God, dude. Um, but yeah, I drove. I have a bye week. Bobby has a bye week. Bobby has a week. We've I've we I've been on the road with Cactus Tate. I've been on the road by myself. I have just been all just on the fucking road. And what do you what do you do when you're what do you do when it's time to take a break from the road, Bob? What do you do when you have a whole week off? You get on the road. Because you're married to the you love the road, Bobby. Bobby loves the road. Bobby, you're in love with the fucking road. Yeah. But now I'm just, I'm like, oh, I don't know where to go. How about I drive near where I used to live? I just I I don't know. You ever have that where you're just like, I gotta go? I gotta get the fuck, I gotta go. I gotta re I gotta I gotta reconnect. And that's where I feel like I connect the most is on the road. I reconnect the most on the road, and I've just been going to sleep and waking up in middle of the day just with fucking crying. You guys ever have that? I'm trying to I'm trying I'm trying to I'm trying to trick people into thinking that my sunglasses are leaking. So are you crying? No. My shades like this. I got damp shades.

SPEAKER_03: 3:14

Oh, you don't know about damp shades?

SPEAKER_04: 3:17

Sorry, you got dry ass sh dry ass sennies. So yeah, I was just I was in a funk, you know? Bob was in a funky funk funky comb. Chicka dunk chick-a-da-da-da-da. Cry, cry, cry. Oh my god, I can't stop fucking crying. And then when the weekend comes, I go and I still fucking crying. I wake up on the streets and they say, Are you crying? I said, Stop talking to me. I gotta cry. I am crying. Yeah. Bob, shut what are you, what are you a humongous fucking What are you a big old wimp? No. I I you know, if you don't if you're not, if there's not like a if there's not a huge chunk of a year, if there's not a huge fucking chunk of time where you just can't figure out why you're crying, then boy, should you visit St. Louis, a city reek r ra just fucking so much crime. I actually don't think that there is. I've been around the block. I've been around it.

SPEAKER_01: 4:36

This is my this was my home. And it's not that bad. Look, I'm I'm on I'm downtown right now, and so fucking, come on. Come on.

SPEAKER_04: 4:44

But no, yeah, I really can't stop crying. Um, do you ever yeah, you're just like fucking, I I don't know. You I yeah, I just I sometimes sometimes it's like a middle of the day cry, you know, I'm used to kind of like a like latte. Mmm mmm, a little bit of crying in the middle of the day. That wasn't my sunglasses, that was me. But then when you're going to sleep crying, and usually like sleep is like what it's your sleep's kind of supposed to get you back, it's the off season of your feelings. You're supposed to like wake up and be like, all right, let's go. Come on. No, no more crying, lest we're dying, and then when we're dying, you shouldn't be crying, you should be what are you doing? I'm not sure. You're supposed to be like, um, thank you, or whatever. Um, yeah, and you're supposed to get a break from crying and shit. But then I'd go to sleep. And then you'd wake up. Netflix doesn't even do that for you. It doesn't even pause the thing and just start it when your eyes wake up. But that was kind of happening to me, so I was like, I need to I need to shake it up. What's shake it up mean? Just drive near places you've known. Get out of your car, do a pod, get back on the road. Yeah, I uh and then I think it's like there's so many times where you're like, why am I crying? And then you're like, sometimes you do know, sometimes you know exactly why the fuck you're crying, and then other times you're like, why am I? And you you know, but you gotta you gotta pay bills, so you have to pretend you're like, I just what the hell?

SPEAKER_01: 6:49

We better not, okay.

SPEAKER_04: 6:52

Sometimes when I cry, I want to call the manager of my body and be like, what the fuck is going on here? I'm at an airport. There's people around. You ever have to hide crying from someone that knows you and is next to you? Oh, that's all that's a that's a hard one. That's a really hard one. Cause you gotta do this. Is the trick. This is the you're like, because you'll start to cry and then you'll feel it and you try to fight it, and you gotta do that. If you think right now I'm gonna be like, you just let it go and tell them what's wrong. Get what are you fucking what are you in a movie? What are you in a movie telling people your feelings? I'm one of the most emotional guys you've ever met, and I've told everybody my feelings. Don't do, don't, don't be bot, don't be doing that. If there's one thing, and if and right now you might be feeling connected with me and want to reach out and be like, don't do that. We're we're all stopping. Knock it off, knock your feelings off. Because and so here's what so and I know that you're like, that doesn't sound healthy, but we gotta we something we gotta get through this. We'll get through this and then we'll well, you know, you can you can journal as you feel or whatever. But when you cry next to somebody, it's very important that you you you have to start like um I don't know how to explain this, but you have to start kind of seeming like like they don't even want to look in your direction, but it can't be because of crying. Like you just kind of have to like let out one of those like because that lets people know that you there's something going on in you, whether it's physically, outside of you, internally, externally. One of those things you just gotta let a because then whoever's with you is they're probably not a good person. That's just we every that's not that's not me saying because like when I was crying, I was neck to cactus tape. She's a great person, and I love her. I even that's I told her about it later. I was like, I was crying and you didn't notice, and she was like, Yeah, I did notice because I did these three tricks. But you gotta, you gotta, and then you have to kind of keep that breath, kind of like and then once the tears go by your face, you can't everyone knows this, so you can't do that. So you just kind of have to you gotta rest your head against one side and you let that hand soak it up, and then you go fake yawn to one side, and then you can wipe this side. There's a couple tricks you have to do. Bobby, why am I gonna hide my crying? Are you what do you what do you go? Where are you don't you have a job to get to? Don't you have family and friends that pretend to be like, just tell me when's wrong? And then you tell them what's wrong, and they're like, well, not like that. Not with you, not with your feelings. Like telling someone about your feelings feels like if you're gonna have sex, but the person's like, we can't get we're we're we gotta keep our clothes on. You're like, okay. Okay, okay, okay. That was a dumb analogy, but I uh yeah, I just uh yeah. I wanted to, and it already helped. I just like sometimes there's like driving gets a bunch of cries out of you, you get to just cry, and then a truck driver cut you off, so it brings you back to reality. You know, there's no more real place than being on the road because it's also the place that you could die. You could also fucking it could go that way, right? Right? Just at any point tractor trailer any point, so you gotta really just be present, and I am, and and I know what's wrong, and I know, and it's like you fucking you feel you get you get these feelings as a person being alive, and feelings are a lot like things that you see at like an antique mall. You're like, oh dude, I need this. And then, like, as soon as you like, then you do it and you buy it, and you're like, what am I doing with this feeling? And then you like put it in your house, and no one cares about those feelings, they just walk by. You think that they're gonna, yeah, it's just these fucking antiques. And then eventually you're like, hey, have you ever noticed my turtle and how sad it is? And people are like, shut the fuck up. Do you know how many sad turtles I have? You're like, okay, okay, okay. Because I tell you this, no one's having a harder time than not you. It doesn't matter if you're like kind of living in your car or if you know people are like, I'm really pulling for you. Dude, if you just get on, dude, I would love to see you on Kill Tony. I have two specials. I would love to see you do a minute on Kill Tony. You could just watch my special and stop it every couple, every little bit. But even though all that's happening and monetarily, you know, you might have nothing. There's nothing on the horizon. There's no there's nothing there's no there's no one that was is like like wants to be your friend or in a relationship with you, and then they're like I kind of feel like lately I've been, I feel like this is where if I could turn this whole therapy session of episode 99 into a fucking whatever, I was I kind of feel like cheese whiz, you know, like that's how I feel as a person. I was saying I feel I it's you see it and you're like, what the fuck? There's nothing like that, and you get it, and people are like, this is so cool, but that you're not eating that the next night, and but then you're also not throwing it away because you always want it, but then it gets old and crusty and it's got that little hard thing at the top. I'm cheese whiz, and that's and then you kind of feel like yeah, you just kind of feel like people put you on the you know, on the reserve. And then you like I've I've kind of had this feeling where I'm I'm only even getting texted when people have nothing going on, and that's a sad place to be, like, not where you know you call someone because you're like, yeah, it's made me think of you, or you're like, oh my god, this is it's there, you can just tell they're like they're alone. So then they remember you.

SPEAKER_00: 13:42

I don't know. I think I'm getting to it in my feelings right now.

SPEAKER_04: 13:52

It's okay. Because there's all because here's there's always tomorrow. The day's done for me. The day this is day's ruin. No, I'm just kidding. There's but just like that's how I was feeling, and I was just feeling like really upset. And man, even though, dude, I've had my fucking ass handed to me, I've gotten the shit kicked out of me. There's so many things that I thought would work out that didn't work out, just like you, you just like everybody, unless you're really not trying, I guess. But you just you try you try so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter. Thank you, Langard. But yeah, you just sometimes you try so hard, and then I get fed up. I get fed up with the try, and then you see another thing, and you're like, this is maybe I'll try, and then you fucking and you can't, everything's too heavy. It's it's too hard, it's too heavy, can't hold that. But then you fuck you still you get under the bench press and you try again, which is a another terrible analogy because I I even I hate bench pressing, I think it's the dumbest way to work out. Bench pressing. Is that how I'm gonna transition out of talking about crying and being completely depressed? Yes. Bench pressing is the dumbest form of working out you can do. And if you don't know this, it's in the movie Batman. He's like, Well, you're doing all those pic-ups, you can't even lift a log. But if you don't, yeah, if you don't know, it's the dumbest, it's the dumbest thing you can do to work out. And as I get older, I realize how important working out is, and but it's also I just it's fucking sucks. We don't, we're not supposed to work out, we're supposed to be in the woods running from each other, fucking punching and being like, that's my apple. We're supposed that's what we're supposed to, but instead we don't, and we're driving cars around just crying. So yeah, so now you gotta like every once in a while, you have to like be like, what's a burp? You have to like ask ChatGPT what a burpee is. What is a burpee? And then ChatGPT kind of explains it, then you do it, and you're like, I'm pretty sure that wasn't what I was supposed to do. I'm pretty sure instead of asking ChatGPT how to get in shape, I was supposed to nourish friendships and grow as a person and acknowledge my faults and have enough money to pay someone to give me a plan. But instead I pay 20 bucks a month to ask the same thing to write me a workout plan that I do if I'm like, so if I was gonna throw my pants away because they had shit on them, is that illegal? But I mean it's a beautiful day. I you know, I I feel like yeah, there hasn't been a sad one or there's I haven't talked sad in a while on the fucking pod, so I'm gonna I'm just being I'm just being me. I've been so bummed, you know. And if you want to know exactly why, too fucking bad. I don't I don't I I yeah, I just told you we don't tell people our feelings. You got here's what you should do with your feelings. You we'll use the antique mall. You go, you you pick up, you pick up a feeling, you look at it, you're like, this thing's kind of fucking useless, and then you set it back down. You wipe your hand off. That's what you should do with your feelings. Of course, I'm being preposterous. You should talk about your feelings, you should grow. But sometimes you gotta have a podcast and you gotta talk about how it feels to not do that. Because that's what you're doing. I am trying a thing where I ignore my feelings because for so long I had, you know, you put your feelings, you know, you put your feelings outside like a gay pride flag, but then just like the you know, you have all this pride, but then it, you know, the sun just your pride, you know, pales. And that's kind of what I did. I just I'm like, I don't like really care, and I can, you know, because I, you know, I can't I can even feel like the waters getting calmer that way for me. Because before I'd be like, oh, this is going on, and I'm feeling like this, and you know, we kind of talk about it, and then my friends would talk about their problems, and then they'd keep talking about their problems, and they'd be like, Well, you made me feel good about my problems. I was like, it's crazy because I called talking about my problem. And so then you make them feel good about their problems, and then you bring your stuff up, and they're like, you don't know what problems are, and you're like, I didn't even what? So I bet you think this pot is about you. Don't you uh yeah, I just I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna power through. Bob's gonna do Bobs are gonna do what Bobs do best and power through. I broke my arm right there, by the way. That's where I broke my arm. Right at like the base of the arch. I was skitting and scat boarding, just a little, just trying it. It wasn't even that cool, and I fucking fell and and then and then we got an Uber to the hospital. That happened right there. This fucking this disgusting oh, it's not looking bad today, actually. This gross elbow brought to you by the St. Louis Arch. Are there signs saying don't skateboard? Littered all over the place. Did we try? Yeah. Did I do well? No, do I have to show you the arm again? Look, it's fucking it got it. I have two elbows now. Got a big scar right there, and then a fucking some people think it might be assist, and I don't want to talk about that right now. I should probably go to the doctor that gave it to me. I should probably go kick, I should probably go to the doctor and kick his ass. No, I'll just probably just have a bad elbow today and work through my problems. How do you work through your problems? Because that's you have to do that. Your feelings, you don't even though it sucks to say, I you really don't have to handle your feelings, but you do have to handle your problems. And I have a I have to I have a fucking huge two elbows. That's a problem. I should figure that out before making sure a friend or an acquaintance is okay. And isn't that funny? I had someone recently tell me to put myself first, and then you do that. Boy, don't do that. Putting yourself first is like sharing your story in the beginning of a recipe. No one cares. I actually like to try to. No, I don't. I can't even pretend for a bit that I pre- I really it's like, but also you then you fucking figure out how to make peach cobbler. If you don't know how to make peach cobbler, then you gotta listen to me talk about my thing. And if you yeah. If you want the peach.

SPEAKER_00: 21:28

Oh my god, look at this cute little spider. Oh, I thought he was waving at me. He's calling up this thing.

SPEAKER_04: 21:34

Um yeah, I saw a thing, and I can't be true that they're like, if spiders run towards you is because they're running to you for safety. That's not true. That just can't be true. If I was scared and turned around and saw a giant, I wouldn't be like, yeah. I wouldn't be like, yes, I'd be like, I'm scared every which way. I'm scared all around. I'm scared from the front to the back to the left to the right. Two hops this time. One, two. Yeah. Broke my arm there. Um had my first kiss right there. No, wouldn't that be sick if all my life had happened just right here? But instead, it was like if you keep going, if you keep going and there's a hill in high ridge, if you if you squint, and probably not because of how small it is or whatever, but you can you could kind of see the arch. Kind. Also, did they put something on the arch? Because usually whenever it's like got something shining on it, it glimmers, but now it's real dark gray. Did y'all change the arch while I was gone? Did y'all change the arch without did y'all paint the arch? That was my job, by the way. When I was here, I mostly painted, so you fucking sh you didn't you didn't even let me paint the arch? Shit. Um yeah, I've lost a lot of money at that casino. I've gone to like a pregame there with the Rams. I think maybe one full season game. Um that's US Bank. I've I I used to bank with them. Um that's the Cardinals. I've been a bunch of games there. Um that's I don't even know if that's the courthouse. I think that's the courthouse. I'm pretty sure that's the fucking courthouse. I know that's where I took my prom pictures with some of the worst people I've ever met in my entire life. Like bad people. Bad people. If I could do it all over again, I would have called CPS and gotten taken away. And you're like, Bobby, your life would have been maybe way worse. Yeah, but at least I would have been around these jackasses. Like, dude, my dude, prom was so bad. Oh, dude, I had prom we took prom pictures down there. I had such a bad prom that before prom, I literally said, I go, I'm going home. And my dad had a talk with me that much like all of his talks weren't based in reality or him listening to me. I was like, the person I'm with is a bad person, and I'm realizing it right now. Right now, I have to leave. I don't want to go to prom. And my dad was like, you gotta go to prom. And I didn't. I had a bad time. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy when you're right and people are like, talk to other people? Well, you know, I don't know. Well you know about me, I don't know. Yeah, I had the worst time. There's many things in life. I'm like, I should do this, and then everyone's like, no. And then later you're like, you're fucking dumb. You are, but then I'm dumb for listening, so you gotta you gotta take your you gotta take your own advice. You gotta do what you wanna do. I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna fucking buy a guitar today then. No, I don't have any money to be buying nothing. Maybe Kleenexes. From my fucking weak ass heart. No, we all cry. And if you're like, I don't cry, you're what are you what are you what are you fucking lying? What are you sick? What are you sick? You don't cry? I love them people like I only cry like once a year. And then you meet those people and you kind of talk to them after a while, you're like, you that might be real. You might only cry once a year. You might have something deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply wrong with your ass. Yo ass might be fucked up. Yo ass is grass. But yeah, it's uh Yeah, dude. This city, I remember like this city seemed so big when I was a kid. And it is still. I mean I couldn't run across it, you know. But it's just, yeah, it's just it's it's interesting to uh it's interesting to look at it. And it kind of looks closed right now. Like, I'm actually not even sure if they opened St. Louis yet. Like though it seems what time is it? What time do they open St. Louis? Okay, Google. What time is St. Louis open? St. Louis opens when you hear the gunshots go off. So it's always open. Um, that's not even true, it's just really not that bad. I have lived here and I will say this this place is not that bad. But I didn't I don't want to live here anymore, that's for sure. But I it's not that this place is not that bad. Like, if you don't have any bad memories of this place, fucking move to St. Louis, Missouri. For real. Uh, not any not anywhere right here. Don't live downtown. This is this place will ruin ya. But just like like cut out, cut this out, and and anything else is good. Just don't live downtown. It no one lives downtown. I known like three like people who like have lived downtown, and every time it like in as an adult, you come to their place and they come outside and meet you, and then you just kind of hang out, and you're like, Do you actually just live outside? And they're like, hmm? No? Oh, it kind of seemed like you did because we're just hanging out outside. Hmm? This is my home. And they just point to St. Louis, you're like, okay, man, I'm the alright. Yeah, this side, we're on the Illinois side. This is where you used to have to come if you wanted to buy legal pot for a long time. You had to cross the fucking river. And then on the way back, dude, with like an eighth of weed, you'd be so fucking scared. Just like so scared. Just fucking just gummies that make you just fucking starbursts that make you high.

SPEAKER_03: 28:00

Just oh my god, they're gonna get me.

SPEAKER_02: 28:05

Oh my god, there's a spider. There's a spider on my tripod.

SPEAKER_00: 28:12

Is that how in the pod is? I'll just show you guys that. Yeah. I don't want to spook them. Wait, I guess I just have to do it like this. Can you see him?

SPEAKER_04: 28:26

Can you see that spidal? Can you see the spidal? I don't know if you can see the spider, but I'm also not I'm just gonna show it like that. So we'll just we'll hope you guys saw the spider. Did you see the spider? Did you see this guy? Sir, how long have you been sitting here just admiring St. Louis?

SPEAKER_03: 28:56

About 40 years. I uh I sat down here once and uh started looking at the arcs and I was like, well, that's fucking pretty. And so I uh let my friends bronze me, and uh yeah, just kind of uh, yep, just staring at the arcs. What are you doing? Uh the the worst end of a podcast I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_04: 29:14

All right, you know what, man? Fuck you, dude. I don't even I don't even know you, and I tried to get you on my podcast, so yeah, get fucked, brother. Anyway, that's the podcast. Please follow us on Patreon because everything you do helps. Every little bit you give on Patreon helps. Every dime, every cent, but we don't do that. It starts at a dollar. You're not giving me pennies. What are you what are you crazy? What are you crazy? You think I'm gonna accept your pennies? I'm not fucking crazy. You're crazy. Follow the Patreon. Love you guys. Talk to you soon. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 5, 5, 5, 6, 6. Talk to you later. This episode. This one this one was mid, but hey. I'm gonna go turn the arch on. Love you. Talk to you soon.

SPEAKER_00: 30:05

Bye.