Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
“Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox" is a hilarious and insightful podcast that takes you on a wild ride through the mind of comedian Bobby Jaycox. With his unique perspective as a comedian with ADHD, Bobby shares his unfiltered thoughts, stories, and experiences in a way that will leave you laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Join Bobby and his guests as they navigate the chaos of everyday life, discussing everything from relationships and pop culture to mental health and personal growth. Get ready for a rollercoaster of laughter, relatability, and a whole lot of discombobulation. Tune in now to experience the world through the eyes of a comedian with ADHD.
Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
101 Libbie Higgins | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox
https://www.patreon.com/c/DiscombobulatedwithBobbyJaycox
What do you mean quick test one two?
SPEAKER_00:Testing one two one two one two one two.
SPEAKER_04:Testing on the ones and the twos here. Here everybody says for a minute. Do yourself until you're good? Ready to uh sit up.
SPEAKER_05:Get it a little bit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you can turn it more towards you.
SPEAKER_05:No, we just gotta we just gotta make sure both of us is in here, baby.
SPEAKER_01:Are you gonna be comfortable sitting upright and a jet and a jet erect?
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna I'm so fine sitting erect. Are you erected?
SPEAKER_01:Are you sure you're comfortable being that erect?
SPEAKER_05:Oh yeah, I'm comfortable being this erect. Look how hard I am. No, yeah, isn't this where you said you and you this is where you and uh Tina sit, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but she sits a little bit more comfortably.
SPEAKER_05:Does she?
SPEAKER_01:You're sitting very erect. There you go.
SPEAKER_05:Is this better? Yeah, this does feel a lot better. This does feel better. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Discombobulated. We're getting comfy here. I have a very special guest on. You might know her as Carla, you might know her from Trailer Tales, you might know her from one of her many podcasts, Slop City. She's amazing. She tours all over this country, but personally, she's a very good friend of mine, and we've known each other for a very long time. Ladies and gentlemen, and everybody. Libby Higgins.
SPEAKER_00:Hi, everybody. Thanks for having me on the podcast. I've known Bobby for quite a few years. You've known for quite a few years.
SPEAKER_04:And if you had to guess, how many years would you say it was? Over 10. Oh my god, over a decade. That means you guys have been whip b bopping around this country for a long time.
SPEAKER_00:Bobby was doing comedy way before me. He had to go to open mics just to check things out, and Bobby would was well established for the community.
SPEAKER_04:I know open mic means an open microphone. It's right open. Anyone can any jackass can sign up. Ooh, can we say jackass on the It's My Show? It's your show.
SPEAKER_05:It's discombobulate. Discombobulate. No, I have known you for a long time. I've known you for so long. You almost got me in trouble with the law. You've almost got me. You've given I've had good times and scary times with you. Hey everybody. I'm gonna be on tour. You can see me in Reno, Nevada at the Laugh Factory opening for Stoner Rob on the 30th through the 2nd. That is October 30th through November 2nd. And then you can see me on the road with Cactus Tate right here. Where?
SPEAKER_02:We will be in Kansas City, Missouri on November 5th. And then November 6th in Omaha, Nebraska.
SPEAKER_05:And then November 7th and 8th, I will be headlining at Peore in Peoria at the Jukebox Comedy Club in uh Peoria, Illinois.
SPEAKER_02:And then you can catch us down in the Ohios, where we will be in Perrysburg.
SPEAKER_05:No. Say it right. I will. Scratch that. Yeah, scratch that. But then where right after, right after Peoria, where will we be?
SPEAKER_02:In Appleton, Wisconsin.
SPEAKER_05:November 14th and 15th at the Skyline Comedy Club. And then we are coming to Ohio.
SPEAKER_02:Yes!
SPEAKER_05:November 18th, we will be where?
SPEAKER_02:Perry'sburg.
SPEAKER_05:Then November 19th, we will be?
SPEAKER_02:Columbus.
SPEAKER_05:Then November 20th, we will be?
SPEAKER_02:Dayton.
SPEAKER_05:Did I say November?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Great. Come see a show. Tell us about the time that we drove back from Cleveland.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, me and Livy. Dude, me and Libby both had uh auditioned for JFL.
SPEAKER_01:And they hated uh hated me.
SPEAKER_05:Did they hate you? They hated me too. They hated both of us. I think we were standing together when they both well then she I remember he talked to you and he was asking you questions, and I was standing next to him. I was like, I bet he's gonna talk to me next. And he goes, Hello?
SPEAKER_01:He literally passed me by and I had to go back and get him.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, for sure. And I remember because you had just this was right after JFL, and this is also that was probably the first time I'd seen you have like a panic attack. And it was crazy because you got you had gotten off stage and you did amazing. Like you really had a great set, and you were walking to the bathroom. I go, You just killed and go, What? You went to the bathroom, and I felt I felt so bad for you, but I truly had never I didn't I'm not used to that because I'll get nervous. You know, it's like you get nervous before you go on stage, but once it's done, I feel like it kind of like melts away, but not for you. It doesn't seem like that.
SPEAKER_01:It takes a while, yeah. Especially if you have a two-show night, you go down and then you go back up.
SPEAKER_05:And the the nerves when you're about to do something, if you're either recording for like a special or if you're doing something like JFL or when it matters, you get ultra nervous. All of a sudden you're like, Do I know how to say the? How do I say the? Like, I'll just the like I'll just be like, shit, no, I gotta change everything I've ever done.
SPEAKER_01:But here's the funny and ironic part is JFL doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_05:No, it doesn't.
SPEAKER_01:And we thought it did, and then that guy got fired uh for doing bad things.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, but and also these these things matter for whenever because there are people that we know that it does help out or something like that, so it does matter, but it just doesn't matter as much as you think it does. It does feel that much. But we did that's what we're talking about, is we did the show, and then I for I'd asked you, I was like, I'm driving back to St. Louis, and you're like, hey, can I ride with you? And I was like, Which is weird because I don't like riding with people, which made me feel good because I love when people ride. I like when people spend the night at my house, and I love when people ride with me. You don't like any of those things? You don't like those things? Nope. Oh my god, dude. I had a one time we had a I was with uh Andy, the old manager of Helium.
SPEAKER_01:Andy Slowey? No, no, no.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, the old manager of the improv shop. What is Kolovshevsky or something like that?
SPEAKER_01:I never knew how to say it.
SPEAKER_05:I I honestly I I swear to God, I usually say K. That was the first, I think I just tried and got through it pretty well. But he uh we were out one night and we were partying, and there was like a dude who had just got off, and he was like just he was like the bus boy at this restaurant. And when I say bus boy, he was also 46 years old. Like he's he was a 46-year-old man. We met that night and we all partied and all had a I ended up having a party at my house. He'd spent the night, and then in the morning, I could made everyone eggs and stuff, and he goes, You are so nice. And I literally was like, I just like when people spend the night at my house. But yeah, so you wanted to ride with me, which I was excited about. Weird. I was I was so excited about because I love hanging out, I like to drive with someone or whatever. But I remember we got in the car and I on my life looked to my right to be like, here's Libby. We're gonna have a conversation the whole way home. And you had sat in the back seat, which I understand if that makes you more comfortable or whatever, I get it. I just go Libby, and I remember I just I was like, Uber for Libby. This is dude, and this is what was so funny is as soon as we got in the car, and I was like, I'm not gonna smoke or anything. I didn't even say, I was like, I'm not gonna smoke weed and drive, but I am, I do have weed in the car, and I don't even remember why I said it or whatever. And you just go, Bobby, all I'm telling you is if we get pulled over, I am fucking singing like a canary. And I go, Well, if we get pulled over, you don't have to say anything, and they're like, You go, I'm sitting in the backseat. It's gonna look right. I was like, Yeah, you are sitting in the backseat, they're gonna be like, Are you trafficking this woman?
SPEAKER_01:Are you trafficking this elderly woman who's snitching on you? No, if an officer didn't come up to the window, his window, I would have said, I just want to alert you, sir. There is quite a bit of marijuana inside the trunk. And he would see it and be like, This isn't quite a lot. It's enough that he's gonna get felony charges, possession and probably distribution.
SPEAKER_05:And you're telling him all this, probably distribution too. You should probably get this fucker for distribution. Oh my god. But yeah, I remember you said that, and that's how much I love you. I didn't even care. I was just like, Well, I'm driving the speed limit, we're not doing anything wrong, we'll be fine. But yeah, and you sat in the back the whole time. And from what I remember, we had a blast, but I just remember talking to you the whole time in the rear view mirror.
SPEAKER_01:See, I don't I remember I fell asleep a lot. Um yeah, and I'll I'll sit in the backseat a lot because I don't like to accidentally touch someone. You know, I don't like to be touched or touched. So if I'm sitting there and I accidentally touch your arm, we might fall in love.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, so I agree with that part. I do agree. Like once you touch someone, sometimes you can be like, I think I just saw our future or whatever. But also, yeah, that's probably the that's probably where I've like, I feel like I've failed the most in our friendship is because I'm such a uh I am a like uh not a touchy guy, but like I do like giving hugs, or like I don't mind if like I that doesn't bother me. So I feel like as our we were friends, you because you would be like, I'm gonna make you go to jail for pot, but I would bother you because I'd give you like a hug every time I saw you, and then eventually you'd be like, hey, I like I don't really fuck with that. I'm like, I'm and I was like, because I do I've always said this, but I hate whenever people are like, shut up, I love giving hugs. And I'm like, that you don't have to fucking give hugs though. So I don't always hug you. But whenever I saw you just now, I kind of let you leave. And you gave me a very sweet hug. Because I felt very low. I love a I was like, oh, she's right. I'm trying to be better about it. You don't have to follow, you don't have to come our way too, but it is just nice whenever, whenever uh because we that's our love language too. Like I'm a I'm a physical person. I like to be like a love.
SPEAKER_01:It's just weird if you break down a hug. It is you're putting your arms on someone, squeezing.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. And as a guy, I always try to do, I try to do it with such low PSI that I don't change the shape of your tits. Because I don't want to, because when you I feel like sometimes you can hug someone, I'll also try to go for like a side or whatever. Because I just feel I feel like I'm trying to be respectful, but you're also, you know, you hug and you're like, that's what's right there. So you just try to be respectful.
SPEAKER_01:I was disappointed because you didn't grab my ass.
SPEAKER_05:I've never, which is funny because we talk very sexually every time we see each other, but I don't think I've I ain't never grabbed your ass before. I've you've shown me pictures of your boobs. You have shown me when we were on your podcast, you showed me a picture of your boobs, and I embarrassing had to do the rest of the podcast with no blood in my brain. Oh, Libby, where are you from? I have no freaking idea. I am so freaking hot right now. But no, I never grabbed a handful of your butt. Um, but I would, but if if asked to, I probably would. If we were doing like a sketch or something like that and you had me do it, but I was.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's for the sketch.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it's for the sketch I wrote. Yeah, you figure me in it. You you like having are you a do you a butt woman? Do you like having do you care more about your butts or your boobs? Because you're you're you're beautiful in both ways, and I know I can talk to you like that, and I don't just talk to women like that. We've been friends for a while. My ex, when we first, do you remember when we first I would like I was starting to date Danielle, and I remember I had never talked to you on the phone in front of her. I remember like you called me, and I I call you or you call me or whatever, and I just remember I was like, hey, what's up? What are you doing? You ready for me to come over and eat that fucking puss? Hey, baby girl, what are you doing? And we got off the phone, I was like, God, I love Libyan. I remember Danielle goes, Who was that? I was like, Oh, well, that's I actually I should probably explain a couple things about me talking about eating that girl's pussy.
SPEAKER_01:Um we are wild.
SPEAKER_05:Well, we live for we live in Bit City, and I feel like that's like always a fun. I feel like me, you, Tina Rafe always kind of because you trust each other, we weren't like on like always like improv teams together, but we always trust each other to be wild like that. But because it took a long, it would just take a while, but then eventually I'm like, I'm sure these guys can see my butt or whatever, and then just mooning you guys or whatever. That's how you know your closest friends when you can start to do bits that you really just shouldn't do with just people you have no fucking clue who they are.
SPEAKER_01:Now, I remember you showing your butthole to Ray. Was it Rafe? Yes, and I just remember that there was talk of a lot of colors.
SPEAKER_05:So I Rafe was driving down the street when we were like doing that sketch show, and there was no one outside. There was no one outside, there's no other people, and Rafe was like, hey, I'm pulling up, and so I went outside and waited for him, and he had his he had his lights on, and I so in what jumped out in traffic. Well, there's no traffic, but I jumped out in front of his car and bent over and mooned him and showed him my ass and like everything. And then he drove by laughing and was like, Whoa, that was I don't know if I had my high beams on those way too many colors. He literally goes, What is going on back there? And I was like, I know it's bad. And then I went to go do him the next time he was driving up because I was like, hey, kind of a dumb bit, but I'm I love I'll shove a bit into the ground, I'll do a bit even if it's bad. And then I did it, and as soon as I did it, I hear this, and I was like, oh fuck, Tina's driving Rave's car. And she pulls up, she goes, That is a lot of colors. What is that? Looks like an oil slick, Bob. What is going on? I was like, I know. Yeah, I got a little bit, I got a little bit of jiffy lube back there. It's really gross. But I think it's worse now. I'll be honest. It's now it's like, it probably looks like it looked like what's the stranger things wherever the guy like fucking Why do you think it's so discolored? So oh my god, you're bringing up the good shit, dude. So you want um there's a bunch of reasons. I didn't, I no one, I wasn't like trained how to like properly wash my my parents were like they kind of grew up with me too. So like I was in this is so disgusting. I I would have never said this at all to any almost anybody you brought up, but I I was in high school and I was I'm like I'm showering with like my girlfriend. Like me and her, we're like, we're like, you know, 17, 18, or whatever. And we're both in the shower, and I remember she was like, Hey, do you want this washcloth? And she goes, and she went and like you know, washed her ass, and then I was like, ew. And she was like, What? What do you mean, ew? Yeah, and she was and she was probably trying to honestly, she was probably trying to help me or whatever. She was like, No, you gotta, and I was like, I and I was like, I just kind of use that, do that like how you do your feet. You're like, it just gets taken care of, whatever. But no, yeah, I didn't take care of it so for a long time I didn't take care of it. My I poor asshole management.
SPEAKER_01:I don't think that's why.
SPEAKER_05:You don't think so?
SPEAKER_01:You think it's stained?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:From years of neglect.
SPEAKER_05:Have you ever seen those videos where they'll take like an old portrait from like like France and they'll be like, we're gonna get the shellac off. And it changes the color of it immediately. I think I got too much shellac on shit, lac on there.
SPEAKER_01:I'd be willing to take a look someday. Okay. And maybe get a little chisel and a hammer and see if I can shellac away.
SPEAKER_05:Shellac some away. Yeah, because it's I mean, my asshole is I feel like it's always under construct. It's like a highway. It's always like, it's always has I always have a hemorrhoid.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:I don't do you?
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_05:And it's from like, yeah, and it's also the one thing that I'll the one thing I could change, I could still be a piece of shit, but are you bad at chewing? Because I'll chew like twice, and then I'm like, get that burrito out of the way. I got more burrito coming, so I don't chew a lot, so my shits are like they're large. They're large. And also people are like, yeah, shitting is supposed to be easy. You're supposed to sit down and shit, and I've never had a shit where I wasn't like I every shit I have is uh uh is bad.
SPEAKER_01:Gaping you.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it is gaping me, yeah. And then yes, it is gaping me. Can you and I also I think I I I have such I shit so much and so long that I've learned how to you remember in Jackass, the one where the guy could shoot darts out of his ass? Yeah. I think I could do that because I learned I can go and I can inward fart in my I can pull air in, which helps you clear a lot of shit out of your out-expeliamas.
SPEAKER_01:I did not know that.
SPEAKER_05:You've never tried, yeah. Just next to that, you just kind of go like this and you just kind of like you just kind of pull your you pull it up and then fart it right up.
SPEAKER_01:I will often, if I'm having an uncomfortable BM that I know is larger than any uh penis that I've taken in there, I will stand up to sort of readjust.
SPEAKER_05:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:And then sit back down.
SPEAKER_05:And kind of like, yeah, because you do have to move it around. Like every once in a while, if I'm sitting down, I will just like push right here and you'll go.
SPEAKER_01:I've never done that. That's a technique that I would like to try the next time I'm having a painful BM.
SPEAKER_05:I have such a yeah, yeah. I would, and that's but I also trying to imagine like eating so much better and cleaner or whatever, that does sound better, but I'm so I'm just so used to every time I shit, it's just like a bad time. And Tatum, the girl I go on the road with, she's used to it because we've been on tours so much that she knows that like in the morning, I'm like, I have to go downstairs. I take like a long shit, and then we'll you don't do it in the room, you go downstairs in the lobby. No, because yeah, so we'll yeah, so we share a room, and so whenever we're in there, that was like the thing. I don't care about shit. I've told her that I'm like, you can shit in there. I was like, I'll even go downstairs. This is your you're the headliner, this is your room, you can shit in there. But no, we'll usually go downstairs or whatever. Yeah, which I'm I told her I don't care about it. Like me and Date, whenever I was dating Danielle, who you knew, we would, if we one of us was leaving for work, the other one, if they were shitting, we would like hold our breath and be like, I love you, like come in and whatever. It just doesn't bother me. It's I mean, it's gross, but it doesn't like just the act of it or whatever in the smell. It's just funny to me.
SPEAKER_01:So she doesn't want to smell your shit.
SPEAKER_05:I I'm sure she doesn't want to smell mine, but she's I actually think she's more embarrassed about me smelling hers, is what she's saying. Which I don't I don't care.
SPEAKER_01:That's because it was women that made us feel ashamed of our stink.
SPEAKER_05:Which I don't care. I think it's funny. I and when she I like when girls fart. I love farts, I love burps, I love oh.
SPEAKER_01:Farts are incredible.
SPEAKER_05:Farts so good. We now it's she's comfortable. Like now on the road, because at first she was like, I gotta fart, and she wouldn't do it. And I'm like, just fucking fart. And I that's I got Danielle more comfortable with farting. Like, we would just oh god, I love it.
SPEAKER_01:So now she blasts.
SPEAKER_05:Now she bl now we are on purpose blasting. The other day I actually forgot and we were eating and I blasted, and then it pissed her off because she's like, I'm eating, and I'm like, Yeah, so what I didn't fart in your bluetooth. I just fart in the new body. That's how I feel.
SPEAKER_01:I don't get those people too that are like, don't talk about gross stuff while I'm eating. It's like why not?
SPEAKER_05:I know. I've never people will literally be like, just so you know this is gonna gross you out. And while I'm eating, I'm like, I would like you to try to make me not be able to finish eating. I will watch, I will watch the worst scene of Ed Geen eating his mom putting his mom's face on it just like yeah, it doesn't no talking about stuff or whatever doesn't gross me out like yeah, eating or whatever. Yeah poop. I don't know. Yeah, I feel like we I feel like it also is comics too. I know comedians who are like, yeah, dude, I don't want my girlfriend like pooping around. I'm like, you're like supposed to, we we're not supposed to care about anything. We're supposed to be like, you can shit in front of me, girl. It's just a natural thing. Do you shit in front of Harry?
SPEAKER_01:Do you shit near do you shit near I sh- I shit near Harry, but he's not my boyfriend.
SPEAKER_05:But yeah, but he's another. But he's like he's a guy. He's a guy, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And he will make a comment, woo, you really tore it up. But he loves it. Don't talk about the extent of me tearing it up.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, see, now that I don't, that I that I have to do. Not like in a shitty way, but I think it's funny to laugh about because then if you live in a like I can't live in this world where if me and you were sitting there, if we fart, it's funny. But if we sit there one time while me and Danielle were eating, she just farted and I turned to laugh and she just kept eating. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. That is psychotic behavior, just to be like and just keep sitting there. No, farts always have to be talked about, they're funny. And if it stinks, you gotta be like, it stinks, or whatever. But wouldn't it be worse if it stung so bad and you just walked by and he was just like, hello?
SPEAKER_01:Well, he I have these little trash cans in my bathroom that go up automatically. Yes. Where we put the wet wipes. Because you don't want to flush flush a wet wipe.
SPEAKER_05:Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, you don't.
SPEAKER_01:You I'm not flushing a wet wipe. Not in an apartment.
SPEAKER_05:Just get the ones you can flush flush.
SPEAKER_01:They are flushable, but I don't trust it.
SPEAKER_05:But okay. But I guess we did find the only thing that grosses me out is that you have a trash can full of doo-doo paper. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Well, here's what happened. He walked by and it opened up and he looked in, and he won't stop referring to the color of my dookie as Dijon mustard.
SPEAKER_05:Which I think is so rude. Dijon mustard? That is a special, that's like a baby shit. That's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got Dijon up in that.
SPEAKER_01:So what I do now is before anyone comes over, I'll go in and get the papers and take them out to the dumpster.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. But you know, you could. I just think that I think you should flush them. Because you also rent the place, so even if something happens, you're like. But I don't have time for waiting for a guy to come by and plunge it, you know? Yeah, I know, I get that. I get, but you oh my gosh. I feel yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I just like having a trash can fill a dookie bag. I have shit paper in my well, also that's my own bathroom, and it's not for the general public. Oh, general public uses this extra one.
SPEAKER_05:Do you know? Okay, so I don't Tatum, though she got grossed out whenever she had came to my apartment in Austin because we were about to go on tour, so she was gonna come pick me up. And this is when I was living with. Did you know by chance, did you know Jack Zach Bukovich? He lived in St. Louis for a little bit. He's a comedian.
SPEAKER_01:I think I met him at what's that comedy festival down there?
SPEAKER_05:Uh oh, Moon Tower?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I think so.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, he's and he was my roommate for like a year. Also, love the guy, funny guy, literally the grossest person I've ever lived with. Leaps and bounds. The main bathroom was his, but it seemed like it was both of ours. And people would come over and they'd be like, That bathroom, how you guys live. And I go, No, no, no. Go into my room. You can use my clean bathroom. It looks like a girl lives in there. Everything's clean. There might be a couple things. It's you know what I mean? I'm a guy, but it is clean in there. And Tatum came to the apartment and she goes, I gotta go to the bathroom because she had just driven like to Austin. So she goes to the bathroom and comes out and she goes, Bobby, I fuck it. She's like, Where the fuck is the toilet paper? You live like this? And I go, No, no, no, no. That's Zach's bathroom.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_05:No, no. And so Zach comes home and he's like, What up, guys? And she goes, Zach? And this she's meeting Zach for the first time. She goes, Why the fuck don't you have any toilet paper in your bathroom? And he goes, I ran out and he goes, but it's not that gross. I literally take a shower right afterwards. And she was like, which is preposterous to me. Shit to shower is crazy. And it actually kind of makes you think, which I feel like bidets are not as cool as people think they are, but that would be like a bidet, which is like you just shower it off when it's on like you gotta get most of the chunks.
SPEAKER_01:It doesn't really get it. Bidets don't get shit off my ass.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I still have to wipe.
SPEAKER_05:I still have to wipe. I don't like them. And I was doing a joke about it where I was like, oh, cool, now I don't have shit on my ass. Now I have shit on my balls. Because it just throws it forward. So now I'm like cleaning my balls every time I shit. Yeah, I hate a bidet. I every time because also when every time I use a bidet, I can't put help a picture of the person before me spraying their asshole.
SPEAKER_01:Spraying their asshole.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I don't like a bidet. I think they're very overrated.
SPEAKER_01:I like them if they're warm. If they're the cheap ones that have cold water, which is all I've used.
SPEAKER_05:I've never had someone who's had a warm one. I'm sure a warm one's pleasant as fuck.
SPEAKER_01:A warm one? You could sit there all day. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:A cold one.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, it just goes from front to front.
SPEAKER_05:It goes like this. It goes like this. It goes like this. It fucking slides you a 10.
SPEAKER_00:It licks your little pussy clip. Fuck.
SPEAKER_05:Hey, do you mind if I take another shit at your house really quick? Hey, are you up? I could give a you up text to come over and get a bidet. Lick in your pussy. And you hear your friend in there just being like, Are you having a good time? Oh fuck! Yeah, I'm just shitting. Oh yeah, Danny.
unknown:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_05:But um, yeah, I that is uh, yeah, I do think um, yeah, I don't know. I do think that if I do think if we lived together ever by on the happenstance, I think farting, shitting, everything would be on the table. Oh, but I will say I would I would have to be like, hey, this trash can of shit. Let me prove to you.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you wouldn't go in it.
SPEAKER_05:I could also unclog it if it fucking got too bad.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not doing it. I'm having a can full of shit paper. Because you just never know when you're gonna need a can full of shit paper.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, yeah. So like a home intruder, you don't have a gun, you just fucking throw that down the hallway. Because that also spreads.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, that's very much like a shotgun is just having like a little bit of shit you could throw at someone.
SPEAKER_01:And there's not a lot of shit on each one because I'll do regular toilet paper first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then do the wet the wet.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, for sure. When you're on the road, are you also throwing these papers?
SPEAKER_01:Oh no, I'm throwing them in the trash can. You're throwing them in the trash can there too? I mean in the toilet. Oh, thank God. Yeah, I'm not I'm not doing the I'm not having somebody walk in a green room and see my dookie streak marks.
SPEAKER_05:And what do you guys share? Do you guys share hotel rooms on the road when you guys go on the road?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, it'll be me, Chelsea, and then Tina and Beth.
SPEAKER_05:And then are you guys shitting in the same are you guys sh shitting in the hotel room? And are you guys commenting on each other's shit? Oh yeah. It's because it's fun.
SPEAKER_01:Because as soon as Chelsea goes in, I'll hear a blast almost that sounds like an atomic bomb. And she knows and it's just so loud. And I'm like, what's the PSI of her shit?
SPEAKER_05:Dude, sometimes when I'm next to someone, I'll be like, Do you have a different asshole? Like, am I gonna get that asshole eventually? Because I'll hear someone like I'll have a big loud, but some people sit down, they go, Kaba! Right like, oh dude, did you just shit the inside of your body into the toilet? Yes.
SPEAKER_01:It's gotta hurt.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, dude, one time we were on the road and me and Tatum, we had because her husband came on the road, so she was like, and this is a little TMI, but it's just real because he was gonna, he was about to get a vasectomy or whatever, but they were gonna, they were gonna have sex, so she was like, Hey, do you have a condom I could use? And I was like, Yeah, for sure. So I give them a condom, and then while they're gone, I go and I'm like, Oh, I'll take a shit because I got all the time in the world, you know, they're a love, they're a loving couple, I'm sure. Whatever. Halfway through my shit, I get a text from her and she's like, Hey, do you want to go smoke weed? We're done or whatever, we're done. And I was like, it said into my phone and go, Yeah, but just give me a second because I'm shitting. And I hear her in the hallway of the hotel go, I know I'm out here. And I go, Dr. I screamed. I was like, the fucker, because I was like actively farting. I was like, You have you can't be hearing this right now. But yeah, so it do you find I think that's fun on the road is whenever you get to share. Because if you're just on the when you're on the road and you're in the room by yourself and you have a shit, then you just come out to the hotel room watching basic cables, smelling your own shit. But when there's someone else there, it's very it's like it's love. It's kind of it's like a camaraderie.
SPEAKER_01:And the thing about it is, is I used to not be able to poop anywhere but home. Yeah. So I have grown so much to be able to poop with someone and saying I I can only poop at home too.
SPEAKER_05:I would I would be in just just trying to learn social studies and just having your gut spills. Dude, I would just sit in class and I'm just like, oh my god, because I couldn't, yeah, I couldn't ever, I never shit at school. Because on my first day of kindergarten, these two kids like made fun of me through these first graders, like made fun of me through the crack in the hall or like in the toy stall or whatever. I I swear to God, I you know how people think they're witches. The day before I went to school, I remember this lady who knew my mom or whatever, they were like at my the house just hanging out for whatever reason, and they were like, Are you what are you excited about for tomorrow like school? And I go, I'm just nervous. What if I can't reach the toilet paper? And I remember I went to go take my first shit, and it was like kind of far away because they that was before they gave like before they were like, What if we put smaller toilets in the schools or whatever? And so I'm just like shitting like this, and then these two like Beavis and Butthead first graders are like and they were laughing.
SPEAKER_04:I'm like, go!
unknown:I'm pooping.
SPEAKER_05:And so then from then on, I was always so scared to shit at school, so I just wouldn't. And dude, I even played. I know, and I even played football, so like I would just be getting hit and being like, don't shit. Oh, sometimes sometimes by that time I would start shitting like in between like football or whatever, and eventually you did in like high school. By high school, I started to get more comfortable with it. But yeah, I was always an at-home pooper too.
SPEAKER_01:This was uh this is recent for me. I'd say in the last 10 years where I was able to poop other places, really, and yeah, and then it is nice too, but it's still always kind of scary.
SPEAKER_05:I still anyway, and I also it's so much better to poop at home. You know that you don't even have to wipe the toilet down, you don't gotta worry about nothing.
SPEAKER_01:I just I just don't want anyone to come in after me and say something, which they've done, you know. Somebody one time said, Oh my god, it smells like a dog kennel in here, and it was me.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:I was the one shitting.
SPEAKER_05:Which is crazy. That's so rude. Because also, dude, I've smelled I when you I've shit at like a loves and sat down and I've been on the road, so I just got that sweat in me, and I've shit where it smells like I'm just like, I'm literally like, who is that? It's me. Do you know what I mean? But yeah, that sucks. That whenever some people like say that or whatever. But you're also at a gas, it's also like we're at a gas station. You're just gonna come in and be like, this smells lovely in here. We're not at a Bucky's.
SPEAKER_01:The loves, I I don't know if you notice this, but the Love stalls, the walls are up very high. Oh yeah. And I always wondered, like, can they see me sitting here?
SPEAKER_05:No, they can't see them. You can only see people's like ankles or whatever, or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:It seems extremely high. Put it all the way to the back.
SPEAKER_05:That's why I like that's why I love a Buckeys, dude. You go into a Bucky's, they got, dude, they got like the I because I used to shit on them for a long time because I they are over. I hate when people are like, let's go visit a gas station. Right. But then you go there and the door completely shuts, and as soon as the door shuts, like your Spotify playlist starts playing. They have like they have the hand sanitizer in there. You a guy just cleaned it, like he comes out, he goes, just for you, Bobby. Like they're so special when you shit there. I also can't get over every time I go to shit at a Bucky's. I will I would love to meet the person who buys any of the$400 of wood art that has been sitting in the shitters, just all the people shitting across the country, all the smells and hi Beth.
SPEAKER_04:You think we should get that?
SPEAKER_05:It says America the beautiful, and it is. Yeah, of course it stinks. It won't stink once we air it out or whatever. Yeah, I hate. But I love yeah, a Bucky's, you literally close it in there and you they could do surgery in a Bucky's bathroom.
SPEAKER_01:Great bathrooms, terrible food. I don't think the food's good either. It's disgusting.
SPEAKER_05:Everyone wants to stop. Yeah, the the the only one I like the pulled pork sandwich is the best, I think the best one or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:But it's always tastes like garbage.
SPEAKER_05:They're like, you have to get it, it's the best sandwich.
SPEAKER_01:I'm like, you guys are ridiculous.
SPEAKER_05:I know, dude. I actually I went into a Bucky's the other day, and the too many people said hi to me. And it pissed me off, so I stole a sandwich. I literally like I just didn't want to talk to them again. Like, I walked in, they're like, Bucking the hi! Buck in the bags, and I was like, So then I just grabbed a sandwich and I was waiting in line, and I was just like, I think this is my sandwich now. So I just put it in my pocket with some mayo and then ate it in my corling. I was like, so scared, but I just didn't like, they're just two. That you know that they like by law have to say hi to you, and those places just I got too scared. I didn't want to check.
SPEAKER_00:I just want to say that we over overload.
SPEAKER_05:Yes, it's very it's it's very much overload, and then you come in and also for some reason when you get to a Bucky's, it feels like you're at Times Square. Everyone is very like a New Yorker, like, get out of my way. I'm like, I'm just trying to pick out like fucking candied nuts, dude. And everyone's like going, yeah, it's a nightmare.
SPEAKER_01:It's it's not a fun place. There's too many gas pumps. Have you seen how many gas pumps were?
SPEAKER_05:There's so many gas pumps that I'll come out and I'm like, I honestly don't remember which one. Like, I come out and you just see the sun and you're like, I might get in one of these truckers rigs and just leave it.
SPEAKER_01:I'm I'm out on buckies.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I do think, yeah, I like think they're overrated, but whenever you stop, and also how much money are they making when you can see a billboard and they're like 6,000 miles away, you'll find us. They have those signs and they're like, Oh, you're getting close. We're in Nashville, but there's no buckys here. Are you getting close? Hold your shit. Don't shit yet. Do not shit. Yeah. What's your what is your favorite part about being on the road though? What is your like do you have like little things that you love? Because like for me, I love, I do love that I can like because for me, if I drive on the road, like I will sleep in parking lots or whatever. So like I love a bucky's for that, like that. It's a safe place that as many times you need to shit or whatever, but what do you like on the road?
SPEAKER_01:Apart from the comedy itself, exactly, yeah, because I want to get into that, but I want to, yeah, like just like the same. My favorite part is going back to the hotel at night.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, getting in the bed and scrolling for like three hours.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Cause, dude.
SPEAKER_01:And we don't say anything to each other. We put our headphones in, don't even say anything.
SPEAKER_05:You don't even give a like if there's a funny enough video, or if someone chirls at your they do a little laugh, you're like, what is that? You don't do that? Really? Okay. I Tatum does that too, and I give that to her because I we all do it, but yeah, as soon as the show's over, I do want to go back to the hotel room, but I do want to like sit down and watch like who gives a fuck, whatever, but then just like talk over it or whatever. But yeah, you guys like to do you like to we like to do our own thing, do your own thing and just kind of get on the now.
SPEAKER_01:I imagine in the Beth and Tina room there's a lot of talking going on. Yes.
SPEAKER_05:How do how is that just was that because you you just you guys had known each other longer? Like, how did you guys decide who was gonna room up? Just because you're more similar?
SPEAKER_01:I think it was because since I started going out with Chelsea, first we were already staying, that's what I would say. And then whoever was doing merch was with Beth. Yes. Um, I think that's how that that started. Yeah, and we've tried to switch it up a cu a couple times and it it never feels right. Yeah, it's like a misspairing, a mispairing for sure.
SPEAKER_05:And it's not like you mind it, you just know that one fits better. You just know that it works better. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Beth and Tina unpack all their stuff. They have like a food station, we were just talking about that's an and does Beth have ADHD too?
SPEAKER_05:Yes, yeah, and we do have that. I was I literally said that earlier. It's like I literally get out sometimes, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna put all my stuff in the drawers. Like, I'm like, we're here for six hours.
SPEAKER_01:Right. I barely take anything out. I will take the CPAP out and an electric blanket because Chelsea likes it like 60 degrees.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. And I know that Beth and Tina, like, they have like a popcorn machine that they brought, like they're like going crazy. They brought their own TV. They're like, it's actually better than their TVs.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:It's funny. Yeah. But then, and then what's your favorite part about like because we were just talking about this before, which um I don't know, because I feel like we've known each other long enough that we know I've seen times when you're sad, you've seen times when I'm sad, you've seen times when I've done cool stuff, I've seen when you've done cool stuff. But we were just talking about like there's comics that will be like just it just seems like it's a job to them. It seems like it annoys them. And I we were just saying that we were like, dude, I just feel like I'm the luckiest person all the time to get to do what we do.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Anytime I start to get a little stressed out on the road or just think, man, I'm I'm just tired. I don't know if I can do this. I think at least you're not at a school chasing a child.
SPEAKER_05:Yes. Because I knew you during that time too, and you were always so silly and you were awesome, but there's always that like like I don't feel that like I don't see that like weight on your shoulders anymore of like, I have to go, not because I'm tired, not for me. I have to go because I have a thing I have to get to tomorrow, and then my day's busy. And not having to do that is such a we're lucky, dude. We're the we're unbelievably fortunate, lucky. I I'm I try to be great. I was at the airport, this is a couple months back, and I was on the road with Tatum, and we were traveling separate. I was coming from somewhere else, and I get to the airport and I go and I dude, I'm having a great time. I get to the airport and my flight's delayed by like 40 minutes. And so immediately I just do that thing, and I was telling Tatum, I go, I kind of acted like when you're a kid, when you act like an adult, like I just go, Oh, come on! I mean, it's not like there's everything I need here, literally anything I want to eat, anything I want to do. I could go sit down, I could get on my computer, I could do whatever I want. It's air conditioning, it's air conditioned. I was like, I can do anything I want. Can you charge my phone? I can charge my phone, I could do anything, I could do a podcast, I could do anything I want here. And then I was I was just like in my head, I was like, You're being a jackass. You literally are flying to do the thing that you've wanted to do. I've only flown for stand-up. I had never flown until I did stand-up. The first time I was flying was with STL upplate. Yeah, I was 25, like out the window like this, like dude, I was like, we hit turbulence. I was like, it was amazing. We had such a good time. So then I literally was like, in my head, I like started walking away, kind of like, fuck me, but flight's delayed. And then I swear to God, I was like, you're being kind of an asshole. You are so lucky you're here, and this isn't even truly an inconvenience. Nothing's changing, you're just waiting for 40 more minutes. And I was like, you know what, you're right. And I literally picked my head up and I swear to God, weird Al Yankovic was walking by me, and I go, and I go, excuse me. And I was like, Miss, I was like, I don't want to bother you. I was like, I'm a comedian. I just want to, I just have to say thank you. And we shook hands.
SPEAKER_01:He goes, Weird ass.
SPEAKER_05:Thank you so much, man. And then he like walked by, and then some guy was like, What?
SPEAKER_01:What airport was this?
SPEAKER_05:I I swe I wish I could remember. I don't remember. I I would I would say maybe Houston, maybe Houston. Um, yeah, and I and also at another airport, I was Rob Schneider, Brandon. Like, there's just there's just guys you'll see, and you're just like, and you're just like, I I just you're just it's just a reality check that you're like, not only am I lucky, but these guys who I remember watching in movies or seeing things or whatever, we're in the same world. We're heading to go do a thing or whatever. So for me to not try to like remember that as often as I can, and stuff can still suck, you can still be a human, but to not feel fortunate and lucky all the time is beyond me.
SPEAKER_01:Another thing that I think is like if I if I feel because usually my biggest thing is being tired or my body hurting.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I'll think there's a thousand other people who would love to do, would love to be sitting in this car right now. Yes, with our with our friends joking around and driving to the next city.
SPEAKER_05:Doing bits, yeah. Which and that isn't that one of the when you're in a car, there's times where I'm with Tatum where we're both laughing so hard. And even though we're both funny on stage, we both have said we go, how do we do how can we do that again on stage because you're just in the car and they everyone understands you? You can say two cents. We were in the car once, and just she, I remember because I was pretending like not pretending to sleep, but I was like, you're starting to like wake up, and I'm in the car and she's driving, and she almost fully killed us. I wake up, dude, there's just semi-trucks all around us. There's am I and I look up and it's just a guardrail coming up, and I I open my eyes, and then she gets through it. She just goes, and then all of a sudden goes like this and just looks over at me and me make eye contact, and then just both start dying laughing. She goes, I didn't mean I'm like, you don't have to say anything. I know it's whatever, but just like did she fall asleep or something? No, she was it was just one of those times where it was just it really, I she goes, I promise I was paying attention. It was literally just happenstance, you know, when you're like, there's a semi-truck here, you're here, another one, and then one's getting like on the highway, and then it's merging. Look up, and I was just like, But those moments of like how hard you can laugh on the road or whatever, I it's like because that's I was very inspired by like bands growing up. Like my favorite band, I would watch DVDs of them all the time, and you would see them. And it would for me, I was like, Yeah, the music's cool, it seems cool to be a rock star, but to be like behind the scenes, hanging out with your friends, just doing stupid stuff is so funny. Like, I was thinking on the way here, and I don't know why I think about this a lot, because I've done it too. Like, I burped in an Uber in LA, and everyone, including the Uber driver, rolled down their windows because it stank, I guess, so bad or whatever. And it made me think about that time you guys were on the car laughing, and uh your uh what um you know I'm talking about uh your buddy. Huh? No, no, no. Your buddy, he's uh fuck, I can't uh I might be saying his name wrong. I thought glasses kind of curly. He's like, hi guys! Justina! Justina, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. No, didn't mean no disrespect. But Justina, there was a video of you guys years ago, and I think about this all the time, and you guys are the card you're video taking. Go, oh my god, just you just fucking did you just fucking burp? I'm sorry, baby. And you guys were laughing, go, it stinks so bad. But just that, like I remember seeing that, and that was like a uh a moment where I was like, that's the that's what you're always like. That's better than getting paid from stand-up, that's better than anything. It's like that moment you're like, we're all dying laughing at just existing. And so everyone at work, there's so many jobs across the country where someone burped and stinked, and everyone's like, it's kind of you can't really do that. It's kind of stinks. But we get to laugh and you're driving to another city to go get paid to do a thing that you had an idea to do once, and you wrote your name on a list and you're like, please, and then it works out and it's crazy. Because you're also I've known you for a long time. Well, I'm hard on myself, but you're also very hard on yourself, and you've done nothing but succeed since I've known you. Not even like since I've I've known you and then saw you succeed. Since I've known you, you were succeeding. You were already doing Vine. You were always, you're always climbing like that ladder. So then to also know that you are like all of us who want to enjoy it still, instead of just being like, You have no idea how much TikTok takes from me. You know what I mean? Or whatever, like you can complain about certain things, but instead just being like, We're so lucky that we get to do this.
SPEAKER_01:It's unbelievable. Yeah, yeah, I think it's exactly unbelievable.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. What's your like, do you do you have a moment too for talking? Because I like talking about favorite things we like about stand-up and stuff, but like for me, I have like a favorite moment where like no matter how bad the day is or whatever, whenever I leave the hotel room, like once I start walking down the hallway, either if I'm with Tate or by myself or whoever, that's whenever I like for me, that's when the night starts. Like when I'm walking down, it kind of feels like when you're like a football player and they're like going through like the thing to go and play. I just from that moment, I'm like, everything just seems, if I'm being honest, cooler. Like you're like, dude, we're about to we're about to get an Uber that you're gonna write off later, because that's how Texas work. And then we're gonna go to the club, and someone's gonna come outside and be like, you guys are important, get the fuck in here, go sit in a green room. What would you like to drink? And you get so taken care of, and not all the time, it's literally not always like sunshine and rainbows and stuff, but that stuff happens, and you just get to do all of the things that you wanted to do. That when you signed up, you're like, I hope I get to do this. So I just try to remember that I shouldn't not enjoy it for that guy, like that version of Bobby Jacobs that like signed up, tried to write Bob Jacks because he wanted to be a grown-up, and like literally they were like, You were voted, you can't be a Bob. You're Bobby, you're Bobby. You work so hard to do that, and then you get to do it and to not enjoy it. I do feel like is a it sucks. So I'm glad that you're enjoying it and like having fun. And being backstage, it's nice, and it's I don't so cool. I don't like to yeah, exactly I'm not like saying like we're not trying to be like we are cool. We you we we feel exact I feel like we feel exactly like the audience does. Like every time I go backstage, I'm always like, What? This is for us? Like it's you know what I mean? Right. What do you want to eat? I'm like, where's the menu? The men that pay for this? Yeah, they're like not at all. Like, Jesus Christ, that was pretty nice.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, being backstage to me is like, especially when we're at somewhere where it's like a theater or casino, yes, where it's very backstagey. As a kid, like all I wanted to do was see the backstage.
SPEAKER_05:And it that and I will say, because at a comedy club, it doesn't meet your expectations. You are like, like some are really nice, but a lot of times you're like, okay, this is a closet, but at a theater, that is it's exactly like what you thought when you were a kid. Right. Right. Have you ever when you guys were backstage? I remember one time I was doing a show with Nikki Glazer, and we were backstage at the theater, and I remember I like had forgotten something in the green room and just looked and was gonna walk backstage to the theater, and you're literally like, I'm not walking that far. Like, it's literally such a big thing. And you're also have you been in backstage one of those theaters where you're walking and it's dark, and you're like, I might get lost back here. Like it's and you're doing that, and then some I always get lost too. Like, if I'm ever, I'm just being honest when these things hit you. Like, I'll be taking like a piss in a green room, and like we were like at Cobb's, a Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco, which is like a famous club, and you'd see like all these things with Rob and Williams and stuff like that, and then you're like, dude, Robin Williams pissed here. Like, I know that sounds stupid, but you'd be like, I'm like, there's no way he never used the this bathroom. And you start to like think about those things, and you're just like, I'm in the place where all these other people were, and like it's just never lost on me. I'm always grateful, and that's why I feel like I try hard because you're always proving to comedy that you deserve to be somehow a part of it, or like whatever.
SPEAKER_01:It's I'll oh I always my brain always goes a negative, though. I would have been like, Oh, Robin Williams was here. Why am I here? I'm such a piece of shit. But then I have to like stop my brain because my brain automatically goes to that, and I have to be like, no, you worked hard, you're working hard.
SPEAKER_05:But and also, and that brain people shit on that too, because I have friends that are like, don't talk to yourself like that. And I'm like, well, with no do no disrespect, that's how it got us here, is because we kind of were so hard on ourselves that somehow we pushed ourselves to do a thing. But yeah, you definitely And we're so mentally ill. Yes, we are so mentally ill. Isn't it crazy? Because also I don't even think we're that mentally ill. And the other day I was listening to a podcast with certain comedians on it, and Maria Bamford had said something dark, and I laughed out loud, and Conan and everyone else go, Oh, and I was like, Oh wow, they're not all we're not all that dark. Like some of us are that dark, but yeah, it's but at least we have an outlet for that. Like some people have had like a dark past or shitty things happen to them, and then they kill people, and then they yes, and then they kill people, and we are just like, You didn't like my pussy joke? It's crazy, isn't it? Yeah, and dude, you don't even it's not even like being in a band, like you don't even have to learn an instrument, you just get to go on stage with the thought you had potentially that day or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:Musicians have it easy though, they can play the same song over and over, and people love it, and they love it, yeah. They want us to write a new joke every show.
SPEAKER_05:I know. But do you do you have people do you have people that if they see your same act, if you've have you gone to like the same city and done like some of the same jokes?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and they always say like they don't really mind, they're like, Oh no, I really like that one.
SPEAKER_05:Which but they get way more excited when they're like, We never saw that. Right. They get really pumped, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But like my favorite is Brian Regan. If he did the same jokes every time, I wouldn't care.
SPEAKER_05:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:I want to hear him. Yes, I want to hear the greatest hits.
SPEAKER_05:Do you remember when we all hung out with Brian? Yes, I know, dude. We all I remember because you go, I want to meet Brian. He's literally one of my favorite comics. And I had just I was like, Well, I got to I've met him, and he's better than you could have expected. Like, he sometimes when you meet a comic, they might even be right on. Brian is better than you would expect. Brian blew my mind. The coolest. I love and you know he's cool too, because I'll ask when I go to other clubs, I'll be like, who do you guys like, or whatever? And if someone will like bring up Regan, you're like, oh, and they're like, oh my god, dude, he's so cool. Because he he's very present. Like, I remember when I was backstage, he walked in and I had not seen him because this is like post this is like post-COVID. He had white hair. I literally he walked in and he had glasses on, and I told someone, I go, it felt like I was meeting Santa Claus. Like I literally, like a magical guy that I've been looking up my whole life. I'm like, hi, and he came in and I got so nervous that I like sometimes if you get nervous as the host, you'll just become the waiter. And I go, Do you guys need anything? And he goes, He looked at me really weird, he goes, Yeah. A meatball sub. And I go, All right. So meatball, bread, meatball, and he goes, That's crazy. Bread, meatball, cheese, another piece of bread, and I go, that one's kind of fucking crazy. I guess I'll go try to make that for you. And like I walked away, and we like I met Brian Regan and did like a stupid bit. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, a dream come true.
SPEAKER_05:A dream come true. And then he also he had asked me to go golfing with him, and so the next day I got to go golfing with him, which is incredible. And also, because I know because he doesn't cuss in his act, but I know it's like he's a human being. And so he goes, Hey man, would you want to come golfing with us tomorrow? Brian Regan, he's with his whole team or whatever, and I'm with at my the time my girlfriend, I was like, I I would be honored, but I had canceled helping my buddy build his shed in his backyard, like where he keeps all his tools on and stuff. I was like, dude, I can't do it. I'm open for Regan. He's like, Well, we'll do it on Sunday. So that's when you're gonna go golfing. So then I go, Brian, and that's I'm more that's how loyal I believe I am. Is I was like, Mr. Regan, I was like, I would love to go golfing with you tomorrow, but I can't because I'm helping my buddy build a shed. And the whole room like got quiet and looked at each other, and Brian goes, Oh, that's okay. Um, do you have that guy's number? That guy you're talking about? I go, yeah. He goes, Would you text him for me? I go, Yeah, what do you want me to say? He goes, just text him something simple, like uh, maybe uh fuck your shed. And I go, and I literally go, if that's what Brian Regan wants me to do, so I text him, I was like, hey, Brian Regan said, fuck your shed. He's like, bro, we'll build it next week. And I was like, thank you. And he's like, Yeah, he goes, Yeah, you don't say and I he didn't say this, but he kind of gave the energy. He's like, Come on, you don't say no to Brian Regan. But yeah, I got to go, and I had the worst game of golf I've ever had in my life. Oh, and I'm not good at golf really, but I definitely was so and I didn't even get to golf with he was in the cart ahead of us.
SPEAKER_01:So I was like, Did you do all the holes?
SPEAKER_05:We did like, I think we did nine holes. I don't even think we did 18, but dude, the guys I was with, they were so they hated. Not they didn't hate me, they hated how bad of a golfer I was. Like his opener, his manager. Like, I was trying to be silly, like, hey guys, think this one's gonna hit the trees. They're like, Bobby, we do have to count your score, and we are playing. Please hit it straight. I'm like, oh, whatever, guys.
SPEAKER_01:I've never golfed before.
SPEAKER_05:It's it's exactly it's exactly what you think it is. It's boring. It's boring, it's kind of fun for like a second, and then you're like, because you're not even people like, oh, it's funny you get to drive a golf cart. You drive a golf cart for two seconds with your foot out being like, where the fuck is my ball? You find your ball, you hit it a bat again, you're like, fuck, yeah, it sucks.
SPEAKER_01:I would I would like the golf cart thing, but that's about it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I'll go. I honestly, if I went golfing once a year, that'd be fine. Like, I think it's I like to do things that you know, because we're human, it's fun to do, but I don't I don't do that shit a lot.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it was with Brian Reagan too. Exactly.
SPEAKER_05:I know I had to, and I man, I just had the worst game of my fucking life. But yeah, Brian, he's just he's incredible. He's the best. He's it, he's the best. And he also, I was on stage, dude. This was well, I guess we'll just say it was last night, and I wasn't, I literally was like, man, I'm doing okay, but I'm not like winning him over. And I hit a like, I was gonna say a word, and I literally just said it a little weirder. He kind of gave it a Brian Regan. Brian Regan. And it just it did help because I was like, that guy can make violin funny. Like he can just how he says things is so fucking stupid.
SPEAKER_01:You channeled the power of BR.
SPEAKER_05:What's BR?
SPEAKER_01:Brian Regan.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my shit, girl.
SPEAKER_01:Sometimes I channel him too on stage.
SPEAKER_05:You channel him?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, there's definitely times where I like channel like a thing or whatever, like kind of like, yeah, it's and you're not like I'm stealing like their act or whatever, but yeah, you kind of harness a thing that you've Because also I've seen it on other comics too. Like I've had other comics be like like Nikki Glazer, she was like, You kind of remind me of Tommy Jonagan. Like when I first started, I'm like, I'm not trying to sound like him. I just write jokes, and you know, I've seen him at the club, like, or whatever. She was like, No, she's like, I sometimes will sound like Sarah Silverman. She's like, eventually that goes away, and you just like find your own thing or whatever. But we always do do. I mean, dude, well, even like how we all do stuff, like I feel like that kid voice that we all do, we all did that before we met each other, but that was definitely enhanced by us hanging out and being like, Well, we're gonna eat popsicle Joe's pussy, or just like doing like stupid little voices or whatever. It's like we're we that was what COVID taught me is that we're more like built off of each other and doing bits and stuff like that than just like truly me being like, This is a character I made. I'm like, no, it's just all of us kind of playing around.
SPEAKER_01:Bit city. Yeah, is Brian your favorite?
SPEAKER_05:Who's your favorite comic?
SPEAKER_01:Like, my favorite is Brian.
SPEAKER_05:Is Brian? God, yeah, he's incredible.
SPEAKER_01:Number two, Ben Kronberg.
SPEAKER_05:Ben Kronberg, dude. I love Ben Kronberg.
SPEAKER_01:I love him so much.
SPEAKER_05:He has he's he's a comedian's comedian, he's so cool. And like when you meet him, I remember I showed up in Denver and he was just at an open mic. Like I was just driving through, I was like, Oh my, I'll go with Mike, and he's there, and I was just like, Ben, dude, what's up? And he was like, What's up, man? Like, he's just such a so fucking cool. I love Ben Kronberg.
SPEAKER_01:And the first time I saw him, I didn't know anything about him, and he was adjusting the mic for maybe a full minute, yeah, and I was like, is this supposed to be happening? Yes, and I look over at Stryker Spurlock, and Stryker's like having a good time. I'm like, Yeah, I guess this is okay, and it made me so uncomfortable and was so weird. And I'm like, he's my favorite.
SPEAKER_05:He's your favorite, yeah. Cause I sometimes like I can do cringy, silly, or something like that with my friends, but truly being able to do that and really ring something out in front of an audience is like an you're like you're doing like Zen garden. You're just like, it's so crazy.
SPEAKER_01:It was wild.
SPEAKER_05:That's amazing, yeah. It was wild. Who's your third favorite comedian?
unknown:Oh god, who is my third favorite?
SPEAKER_01:And I hate that I picked two men. I wish I could have picked.
SPEAKER_05:I don't think it could change, I but I also think that they like change in her like a lot too, you know what I mean? And then, like, like for a while, like I was for a long time, people like, who are your favorite comics? And I remember being like, I love Roy Scovell, and then like I was like, Oh, dude, Tignataro or whatever. It's like it just changes. I don't think it necessarily matters.
SPEAKER_01:It does change, yeah. Um, I mean, I really love Casey Rocket. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:He is next level. He was what he was kind of what made me want to move to Austin. I because I I was headlining at Cap City, and afterwards I was hanging out with Zach before we I was good, like, even thought I would move to Austin. And this is this is where Casey was like, I think he'd done a couple of Kill Tonies and he was doing well, but this is before he like shot out into the stratosphere. And they were, I was like, hey, after my show, I was like, What let's go, I want to run around Austin. He's like, dude, we should go to the Creek and Cave and you should go see this guy, Casey Rocket. And I'd never heard of him before at all. And he came out on stage fucking like this, doing the crab. And I remember I was like, because as a comic, like, you know me too. Like, I'm not, I don't judge comedy very hard. You've seen me fucking start a show from the audience with a skateboard, being like, Whoa!
SPEAKER_01:Greatest moment.
SPEAKER_05:Wasn't that one of the dude? I that was we uh there was like 19 people maybe at this show spaced out in this like theater-esque kind of a show, and I'm like, I don't remember where I was at, but I remember I was like, I had my skateboard with me, and I just had this stupid idea to be sitting down there, like Bobby Jacox. And I'm like, You want Bobby Jacks? I gotta get on the stage. So I like pretended, flipped the skateboard through the audience and went past people. It was incredible. No one into it. It was Olivia Higgins was into it.
SPEAKER_01:Me and my sister were into it. Oh yeah, my sister didn't still talk about that to this day.
SPEAKER_05:And I remember doing that, and I was like, Yeah, but so like he's sometimes when you see that at first, you're like, you have to take it in. And he came out, and dude, I was laughing so hard that I was like, dude, I was punching the ground, and I started squeezing Zach. And like as a comic, you know, we'll laugh hard, but like he definitely unlocked a level of like laughing at that I was I was like, dude, I've never I haven't seen anything like this.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, I think he is really something.
SPEAKER_05:He's so nice, he's so silly. Yeah, he's a very I met. I got to meet in St. Louis when he uh headlined. I got to meet his grandma and his mom. So love. I was just standing there, like I was just like, I was like, dude, that was such a good show. And I see these people standing there. I was like, man, isn't he so funny? That's my grace.
SPEAKER_01:Like, oh my god, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I was like, that's incredible. Yeah, he's just I I'm such a fan of him.
SPEAKER_01:He's so incredible. There's another comic that you told me about Ryer.
SPEAKER_05:Ryor Camerman.
SPEAKER_01:I got to meet them when I was in Austin.
SPEAKER_05:So funny.
SPEAKER_01:And um, I got really shy, and I was just like, oh yeah, I follow you.
SPEAKER_05:Did that's that's all you said?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. They were working at that time.
SPEAKER_05:I was gonna say that was all I said to them too. Whenever I cause I literally like walk by them and because I just said because we were talking about comics I liked in Austin, and I was telling my friends, like, they're like, Well, who do you who do you like? Like, because we're talking Casey Rockest, I was like, dude, I was like, I love Ryer. Like, I especially because clips of their podcast, they're very much in more honestly, because I feel like I'll be off and just kind of say whatever, but just like how they go crazy, they're like, Do you even know? Like, they just they go right off the handle. And when I move to Austin, I usually will say hi to almost any comic. I have no problem being like, Hey, I like you, whatever.
SPEAKER_01:But Ryer walked by, and just because they're like, and I just go, Hey, I'm a big fan, and whatever, and they go, I think I gave one of those, and Ryers, like, walked out of one of those things where you're like, I know, I wanted to say more to them, but I didn't know what to say.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, dude, and I've seen because whenever I for like the year I was living in Austin, I would be at shows where they would be out saying, and oh my god, dude, just seeing just different bits, like them either if they're roasting someone or whatever, just like a full embodiment of like kind of like just like like no fear. I feel like different comics do different things, but like I just when I see Ryor, I see like no fear. And I know I'm sure that there is, but it just seems fearless. Right. And the honesty that comes out, like I'll even say things, I'll be like, that was honest. And I'll see Ryer say something like no, that was honest. Do you ever feel like a poodle upside down? It just is crazy.
SPEAKER_01:You introduced me to Ryer when we were in St. Louis backstage. I did we were doing that show, you and Rafe were doing the show, or was it your show?
SPEAKER_05:I don't remember. I don't know. This is I don't remember at all.
SPEAKER_01:We were at the funny bone, me, you, Tina, backstage, and you were like, you gotta check out this comedian, Ryor. And that's when I started following them.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, but I just met oh, so I like showed you on my phone. Yes. I thought you met I'm like, I never introduced them to anybody. That'd be so funny. I'm like, I've never met him. I go, here they are, Ryor, everybody. No, okay, yeah, yeah. I showed you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you gotta check this person out.
SPEAKER_05:I know I actually told someone about them the other day, and they were like, Yeah, I don't know, I think, or whatever. And then the next day they shared a clip of them. I go, You shall they go, that one was funny. I'm like, exactly. They're hilarious, yeah. I'm I'm a big fan. Yeah, I like, but also because to me, like the comedy that I like is kind of like more of like what I do when we're all like hanging out, it's just like just doing stupid bits, and I feel like that's what they like do, but almost like on a genius level. You're like, I'm gonna take something so stupid. Like, I do when we when I saw Casey Rocket, he was doing like a bit just about being like when he was like a kid, he's like, Yeah, I'd be fucked up on like whatever what the whatever he would drink, like uh Robotussin or whatever. And he's like, I would be so fucked up, but also scaring my mom. Like, she doesn't know that she comes outstairs, I'm like, Mammy, it's okay. Like just him saying, Mammy, it's okay. Like, I'm like, fuck, I have nowhere for that in my act. Like, they just find things, they just find things that you would never find. Same thing with like with the Brian Regan, like they just find things that as comics, we think all the time, I'm like, yeah, that's so funny. But they come back from like a thrift store, and you're like, I didn't even see any of that shit. Where did you find that? Like, I don't know. It's just a bunch of cuckoo clocks and stuff. Yeah, but I love Ryer. Yeah, cuckoo clocks. It's just a bunch of crazy, yeah. Come on, they get the they're bait, they're cuckoo, they're cuckoo comics. Okay, crazy for cuckoo comics. But um, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:There's a lot of activity going on out there.
SPEAKER_05:A lot of activity going on. Speaking of how you said activity, I feel like me and you would be a great buddy cop. Oh my god, we'd be great buddy cops. Yes, because the whole time we'd be, I'd be like, I don't want to work, and you're like, I don't think they did anything wrong.
SPEAKER_01:I think we would have I mean they seemed okay.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, just imagine us and a cruiser just being like, you see how fast they were going? You're like, no, I just farted and I fucking look how fast it was going, dude. I think that would be fucking sick. But are you coming out? Are you gonna come out to the show tonight and do a guest spot?
SPEAKER_01:I'm not doing a guest spot. Why not?
SPEAKER_05:I mean, you don't not like if you don't like do you not like guest spots?
SPEAKER_01:I just like I'm real weird about shows in that I feel like if there's too many comics or if they go on too long, the people are fatigued.
SPEAKER_04:Sure.
SPEAKER_01:I feel like there's a lot of like people can't pay attention anymore. I agree. And if there's all too much clapping, people get fatigued. I really believe that. Yes. So if you have the host, give it up for yourselves. You did this. Oh, give it up for this. So the host is making people clap. Yeah. Then they have a guest spot, they're clapping once before and after.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Then the feature before and it's just by the time Tatum gets up there, it's like, right.
SPEAKER_05:We are done. Well, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying, but I do disagree only in your case because like I do think because I've done the same thing too, where you're like, hey, I want I'm gonna come out to the show. You're like, I'm not trying to get a guest spot, I'm not trying to add, I just want to come see the show. But me and Tatum talked about it, and we were excited to have you on. So just so you know, you can change your mind at any point, but we want to have you on, and we would be very excited if you were on the show. At least, I mean, for sure, come hang out and be in the green room, bring your vibes, come hang out, have energy.
SPEAKER_01:And the green, and I love the lab's green room. So big, so comfy.
SPEAKER_05:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:The lab is where it's at.
SPEAKER_05:I love it. Yeah, I it's very, very, very nice. We were sitting in there, we were sitting there yesterday, and uh, yeah, the only thing we couldn't do is yeah, you can't smoke in there anymore.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, you can't because of the people next door? No, because we're next door.
SPEAKER_05:Room. I think the uh the like the smoke they I think it you can only get like a smoke detector can only go off so many times before eventually they're like, hey, what's going on here? Like or whatever. So yeah, now you can't they're like you can't even vape in there, but we vape, you just gotta like blow it up the corner or whatever. Dude, do you does she do it on the airplane?
SPEAKER_01:She has.
SPEAKER_05:I have too.
SPEAKER_01:I will snitch on people if I smell it. Guess what? I'm snitching.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, well, we shouldn't do it because you can get in a lot of trouble and the things can go off. And yeah, and you shouldn't do it. But I one time I was on an airplane, I did it once too just to make Tatum laugh because she goes, What are you doing? And it was the first time, and I took it and I go, This is how you do it. And I go, and you just hold it in and then you barely breathe it out, and you go, and now my lungs are on fire. Yeah, I would just zero them out.
SPEAKER_01:You know what though? I I don't I do miss smoking every single day, but I don't miss that, where you're like, I have to smoke now. I have to smoke now. That I hated that it ruled my life.
SPEAKER_05:I do too, yes, and because also it it I I I hate that part too, because that there are times where either me and Tatum, when like when we yeah, when we want to like rip the vape or whatever, we both want to hit it, and then as soon as we get to hit it, now our heads hurt. You know, you got that thing. It is a problem. It's like the only thing I do in my life that I know, I'm like, this is actively not good for me. But we do it all the time, and yeah, once you want to do it all the time, that's what I told her the other day because we had both quit for like uh just like a couple days or whatever. And even I told her, I go, dude, I know I'm crankier and I know you're crankier, but we've had a bunch more ideas. We keep thinking of other stuff to do, and you just fill the time in with it. Because yeah, dude, the going outside or being like, hey, you want to go rip a cigarette? And you're like, yeah, but it is also the best excuse to go hang out with a bunch of dickheads.
SPEAKER_01:It's just the best excuse for everything to go outside and smoke, especially when the weather is nice. Yes. Now that it's turning cold, that was never fun.
SPEAKER_05:That was the worst. Yeah, when you would I because like when you're outside shivering for nicotine, you're like, what am I doing out here? Especially the work, because if you go out with someone, it's fine. But I remember there'd be times like at the improv shop or whatever where you'd go out by yourself and you'd be halfway through that cig out there, and you'd be like, Because you go out there because you think there's gonna be other people and then there aren't, and then you can't be a guy who's like, well, I'm not gonna walk back inside, not in the light. I need to just look around, see if there's anybody, and yeah, man. But I yeah, cigarettes are the only thing I've told my little brother, I'm like, cigarettes are very overrated.
SPEAKER_03:Like, I was like your little brother.
SPEAKER_05:He's good. He's got he's good. He's got last time I saw him, he's uh he had a boyfriend and he brought him out to the show and he said that he's brother's gay? Yeah, a little bit.
SPEAKER_01:Did I know that?
SPEAKER_05:I thought you did.
SPEAKER_01:What was his name again?
SPEAKER_05:Um, gay. Just gay now. No, he's Joey.
SPEAKER_01:Joey, of course.
SPEAKER_05:He told he brought his boyfriend and he was like, because he told my mom, he was like, Well, how'd you guys meet? He's like, Well, it's mom, we met on an app called Grinder, and my mom goes, Oh, you guys are looking little grindy buddies. And now you're like, mom, like she's she's just trying to be so nice that she doesn't even know what she's saying. She's just like, and not like she's like, she's not like not like in any way like trying to be nice, she's just like that as a person. She's always trying to be nice. She's like, Oh, little grindy buddies. And I'm like, well, that's probably not what you should say, but I have a joke about my brother now that I think is really funny because I was like, because he came out as bi, but I say it on stage I go, my brother's gay. I was like, Well, he's bi. I was like, but he only dates guys. I was like, what's that called? He goes, No, Bobby, I'm bi. I'm like, yeah, bye. A lot of guys all the time. And it's my favorite joke I could just say right now. It's like so funny.
SPEAKER_01:But has he always been gay?
SPEAKER_05:So I don't know how I don't know how no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:I and honestly, because when we grew up, like, I don't know, like, I just wasn't like that kind of a brother. I was like, hey, who you dating, brother? Like, I didn't do that. And he like, it just didn't come up because I, like, you know, when people are like, oh, sexuality doesn't matter. I'm like, it definitely doesn't matter. I'm like, it's also weird for me to check in with my brother, be like, what's going on, man? You know what I mean? Like getting some pussy, brother. Exactly. I we never did that. But then right before he came out, I asked our friends Corey and Ari. Like, we were just hanging out, and I told them, I was like, hey, I know your whole experience isn't like explaining gay to other people. But I was like, I kind of I feel like my brother might be gay, and it's not important, but I just want to know, like, what explained Have you sucked him off? No, but I do do, dude, I do do a joke right now. When I'm talking about my brother, I go, and I was like, I used to be Catholic, but now I'm not because they don't like gay people. My brother's gay, and I'm like, I'm not gonna choose religion over my brother. So I go, I choose my brother, and everyone claps. I go, so I'm dating my brother now. Oh my god, it makes me so happy watching a guy go, hey man, you can't date your brother. It's only your stepsister online. But no, yeah, so he I had asked my friends about it, and they were like, we had actually talked about it, and they're like, we kind of like think he's gay too. I was like, yeah, I don't like care, but I was just like, I was like, do I don't like do I bring it up? And it was just around that time that he had came over to my house and he was just like, Yeah, I want to tell you something. He's like, I like you know, he'd like he made it, it was a very beautiful thing. He said he brought this he brought he brought a feather over. It was really sweet. He brought this feather over and it had it was like black and white. And he goes, he's like, see, the thing about like this like his thing is that I can't figure out if it's more black or more white, and he's like, and that's how I feel like about me and my sexuality or whatever. It was beautiful, and so I still have it. I still have that, I still have it in a thing. Yeah, it's a little, yeah, it's like a little feather. Yeah, I've never really told anybody that by the way, either. Yeah, but yeah, he's that, yeah, he gave me that, and I thought that was very sweet. And then I disowned him as a brother because I was like, You're gay. No, no, but no, yeah. So he came out, and at first it was weird because he, and I don't think you would care if I'm talking about because he's also if you met me and my brother, you wouldn't pick him as the gay one. He's like, my brother always like, he dresses like a Republican, he has guns. I'm like the one that's like, you want to kiss, brother? Like, I'm just like, me and my brother couldn't be more like different. And like he came out as gay and he'd tell me, he's like, Oh, I'm going out to like gay bars and stuff like that. And I'd be like, Oh, which ones? Like in St. Louis. He's like, Well, I went to this, you know, I went to like Just John's or whatever, and I'd be like, Oh, yeah, I remember Just John's, he's like, Yeah, almost got in a fight. This guy came in, like, touch my back out of nowhere. I'm like, I mean, that's gonna happen. That's kind of happens when I mean happened to me when I go there too, or whatever. But yeah, so he at first it was like kind of weird or whatever, but no, now he's yeah, he's he seems like a happy guy. He has a boyfriend last time I talked to him, and seems like he's doing good. Shout out to Joey, yeah. Shout out to Jojo.
SPEAKER_01:Shout out to it's been quite a few years since I've seen you. Yeah, and um We miss you. I guess since you're gay, we don't have a chance.
SPEAKER_05:No, yeah. No, but he bye. He says he's bye, so you can maybe bye, bitch.
SPEAKER_01:Bye bye, Joey.
SPEAKER_05:Um, but yeah, and then your your sister is straight as hell, and every once in a while we joke about maybe me and I'll date her, I'd date you, date your sister, maybe at the same time.
SPEAKER_01:She's so straight, she's celibate at the same time.
SPEAKER_05:She's like, dude, that's why I told Rafe the other day. I was like, I feel like I'm becoming like that. I was like, dude, I was like, every once in a while, I'm like, sex is stupid. Like every once in a while, you'll you're like, I'll look up porn or something like that, and I'll just be like, what are we doing? Like you're just like too much work. It's so stupid. Like that's you would ask me, you're like, do you hook up like on the road? I'm like, no, it's not, it doesn't happen like that. And it's also it's too many problems. It's just like it's too much. It's too much. And then, like, and then for some reason we release these chemicals where you have sex with someone, then you're like, Do I love you? Like, fuck, this is not good. Yeah, I don't, yeah, I don't do it that way. I was like hooking up with like a like a friend, and we were both like, we can probably handle this. And then very quickly, I was like, I think my heart hurts.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_05:Is it the worst? I like got my heart broke. Yeah, we like both got our heart broken trying to like be cool or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah, I'm not, I'm I'm cool.
SPEAKER_05:I love you. I don't give a fly. Yeah, we yes, like we were, yeah, we were both like having sex one time and we both were like, I almost yelled, I love you. I was like, Yo, me too, bitch.
SPEAKER_00:That's sad.
SPEAKER_05:It is, it's very sad, but we're still we still like I mean I that's because how I view it, and I know that she views it too. It's like we're always gonna be in each other's lives, we want to be friends, but we just tried to like we just played too close to fire, I guess. I still think the fire was fine, I think, or whatever. Too close to the sun, as they say. Yeah, too close to the sun with uh a wax dick or whatever, and it melted.
SPEAKER_04:And I was like, oh no, yeah, but yeah, I got a little, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I had a little bit of, you know, that happens. It's like you get heartbreak, but I feel like it's good because we're both. I got I texted her on the way here. Like we both still care about each other.
SPEAKER_01:We text each other, but it was like thinking about you.
SPEAKER_05:Well, I don't know. I I did I uh we we're like silly, and I do send her. Did I show you that video of me, a spider on my penis? Did I show you that video yet?
SPEAKER_03:Mm-mm.
SPEAKER_05:Because I was I showed Rafe and Tina, and I was so because we're I like to be funny and I was drunk. I like to be funny, I like to be funny, and she likes pee. She well, she thinks like pee's funny, you know, she whatever. So I was like, hey, she was like, I was like, hey, uh, I just stopped at this gas station and I was like, I'm gonna send you this video. So I thought it'd be funny because I had to piss so bad. I was like, I was gonna send her a picture, like a video of me peeing, because she thinks she's like, I love that's awesome. So I go to send her a video of that, and as I do, I'm watching my me pee through my phone, and I go, hey, look, I'm oh my god, is that a spider? Oh my god. And so I'm fully pissing, and a spider's on me, and so I go like this, and it's like goes like this, and it's like on the string and it goes by my ball, and I get so scared that it's gonna bite my dick that I just fully pissing, put my dick in my pants, piss. I am fully pissing all over myself, and I have it on it's me, and you watch me, and I go, Oh my god! I'm in a loves bathroom, and I just because I didn't want to piss all over the floor, so I just went like this and I pissed all on my arms. Libby, all I had piss up my shirt, piss on my sleeves. Did anyone hear you in there? I there was one guy who I think was in the bathroom trying to do one of those, like, don't move. I do, but yeah, I literally, yeah, I was just like, I was just going, oh my god. Yeah, because I knew I was I wasn't trying to videotape, like there's no one else in the bathroom, so I was like, oh, this will just be funny, and I do it, and then I was literally like, this is a spider on me, and you can hear. I saw, dude, I showed Tina, she was on the floor crying. She was like, dude, because you hear my voice, you hear me going, because it's me trying to be funny. I'm like, hey, look, I'm taking, oh my God, I fucking fly this off. It was a nightmare, dude. It was a nightmare.
SPEAKER_01:God damn.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. But that's just that's just life. Hey, that's just how life is on the road, baby.
SPEAKER_01:Bobby sent a picture of me, him, and Tina the other day where we were infant children.
SPEAKER_05:We were infant children, and we did look like we were all like at a subboxing clinic. We all had like beanies and somehow. We like it was like one of those mornings where we were like, we're wearing our third favorite outfits today. We were all so tired. Oh my god. Isn't that crazy though? Because I remember what's crazy is I'll think about those pictures, and I remember around that time thinking that I was like, isn't it cool how long we've known each other now? And now I'll see that picture, and it's like it seems it's crazy. And I'm not trying to be the thing where it's like, man, we're getting so old, I'll just be like, it's weird how fast that time is, it's wild.
SPEAKER_01:And to look back at pictures of you at the time, you were a baby.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. I was I showed Tina, or I'm sorry, I showed uh Tatum's daughter, like she's like five or whatever. Tina or uh Tatum had shown her a picture of me because she like like came up on her phone or whatever. She's like, Look, this is a picture of Bobby, and she goes, and it's before I had a beard or long hair in it. She goes, That's not Bobby. She goes, Yeah, no, Bobby used to have short hair or whatever, a beard. And she goes, Okay. And that night she was going to bed, she said, and Tatum, she's like, she's like, I had my daughter laying right here, and right before we went to bed, she looks at me and she goes, Mommy, I think Bobby looks a lot better as a woman. And Tatum laughed so hard that her daughter started scream, crying. She could she was like, Ah! She's like, Mommy, what she literally goes, I think Bobby looks a lot better as a woman. Yeah, I was like, Isn't that crazy? Yeah, but yeah, we were just little babies, baby. Isn't that crazy? She thinks I look better as a woman. I was also at a strip club one time. I was also at a strip club one time, and there was a bunch of uh guys behind me that were talking to like some of the staff at Helium, and we all went to the strip club and we're standing there, and I'm in a full red suit, my hair's down, and I guess my ass is I got kind of a dunk on me. And I was standing there and I turn around. A bunch of guys go, Whoa! We thought you was a woman. A bunch of guys literally were like, and I was like, Oh man. So yeah, hair daughter, everyone thinks I'm a woman. Yeah. It's okay. I'll take one, I'll take one for the team. I'll take one for the team. I dressed up as Britney Spears one night at the 2000s party, and the amount of people that came up and they go, We really thought that was a woman. Really? Just because me, I was running around, they were like, Yeah, until they would turn around. I'll show you a picture. Dude, I look good as Britney Spears, dude.
SPEAKER_01:What are you gonna be this year?
SPEAKER_05:Um, I don't I'm gonna be in Reno, uh, Nevada. So I thought about dressing up as one of those um like the with the dancers outside that have like the big stuff, like in like Vegas or whatever, and doing like a man on the street thing, like one of those like uh showgirls. Think about dressing up like a showgirl. Or the pink Power Ranger. I think I would look, I look exactly like the Pink Power Ranger.
SPEAKER_01:But how do you know? Because they don't show their face, right?
SPEAKER_05:The Power Rangers?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:No, they do when they're in high school or when they're in school, they're like, before they say hey ya, they're just regular kids. Really? Oh, I look like her.
SPEAKER_01:I did not know the story of the Power Rangers.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god, we got baby girl, the Power Rangers, that's all I know. Zordon?
SPEAKER_01:I thought they just had the mask on all the time.
SPEAKER_05:No, they're regular kids.
SPEAKER_01:They have faces and they're kids?
SPEAKER_05:They got faces and they the kids under there.
SPEAKER_00:I thought they were adults, dude.
SPEAKER_05:Right now. No, little kids.
SPEAKER_01:Did you know that?
SPEAKER_05:Did you know that, Harry?
SPEAKER_01:The Power Rangers are kids.
SPEAKER_05:They are kids. Like Power Rangers are always kids. They're always teenagers.
SPEAKER_01:No, I would never watch Power Rangers. I thought the Power Rangers were adults.
SPEAKER_05:No, they're yeah, they're yeah, they're teenagers. They're little kids. Yeah. She thought they were adults. She thought they had like 401ks and like. But when no one's around them.
SPEAKER_01:I thought they were like probably in college. Well, that that age.
SPEAKER_05:Dude, thinking of college Power Rangers is so much funnier, just them being like, oh yeah, dude, I fucking am gonna throw up. Like thinking of them being drunk and like throwing up in their mask. Yeah. Dude, I threw up in my white Power Ranger mask. So there was one girl. There's two. Well, it changes all the time, but there were two girls. The yellow and the yellow and the pink. Yellow and the pink, and then the rest were boys.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So man, I I have to watch some Power Rangers.
SPEAKER_05:I for many years I And I mean this with my whole heart. You definitely don't have to watch Power Rangers. You show the movie though does rip. The movie, the movie they have a school because it starts and they all jump. I still daydream about doing this. They all jump out of a helicopter, but the white one who's like the coolest one, he went from being the green one and he like hit puberty and became the white one or whatever. But he jumps out of an airplane with a snowboard, which makes literally no sense. Like they're all skydiving and he's riding a snowboard out in the sky with a song like Action Boy Now! Action Girl Now. And to this day, if everyone's like, Do you want to go skydiving? Yeah, but can we also put like a snowboard on me? Because I want to fucking rip just like the white Power Ranger. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I'm just I can't, but I I'm just beside myself.
SPEAKER_05:That they're teenies?
SPEAKER_01:That they're that's not their full-time job. They're students.
SPEAKER_05:Like, could you imagine like all of a sudden the guy comes home and he's like, hey, I know you thought you were hanging out with the Power Ranger, but it's Chris Hansen. He's like, Did you know she's only 13? I know you wanted to hang out with the Power Ranger, but just so you know, she's a child.
SPEAKER_01:She's a she's a kid. Wow.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I my mind is blown. That's crazy. I'm gonna be honest. I um I'm disappointed. I thought they were full-time superheroes. I didn't realize they were going to school. Yeah. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you. It's upsetting. Yeah, it is upsetting. Upsetting and um definitely won't be doing your show tonight. That's oh yeah, yeah. Well, no, no, you I'm gonna stay home and watch Power Rangers.
SPEAKER_05:Alright, stay home and just be like, ugh. Oh, you guys are probably 16, 17, bro. Probably know what each other's farts and shit smells like. But we probably both gotta get out of here. I really do hope you do a guest spot tonight. I sincerely would love that by the time this episode comes out that you have decided because people want to come that people want to see you. I love ya. You're just too funny not to do a guest spot. And no one's gonna no one's gonna mind a little bit of extra time to see Libby fucking Higgins.
SPEAKER_01:I want to sit in the audience and eat a comedy cob.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:The menu at the lab is better too.
SPEAKER_05:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01:If you're gonna have a salad and you don't call it comedy cob, shut your business down.
SPEAKER_05:Bro, it's you gotta have you gotta have a joke. Yeah, you gotta have you like jazzy jazzy fucking jets or whatever. I don't even know what those would be. But I uh yeah, I had the wings last night and they were because usually we were talking about this the other night. I was like, you were like, well, we were talking about being on the road, and you're like, what part sucks, or whatever? And I was like, well, it's just being like, oh, this is what my body is feels like if it runs solely on chicken fingers. Like, and you eat chicken fingers all the time, and sometimes the clubs will have like, dude, I eat some at a club, and I won't say a club, but I ate some at a club the other day that I don't ever get the chicken nick. And I ate someone, took a bite, and I was like, what the fuck is this? But at Zany's, dude, those wings are so good. You take them, they do that thing, one bite, pull out, dude, there ain't nothing, ain't nothing on a bone. Yeah, they were they were fired. Because that's how you know. If you go to a comedy club, I'll always I love asking like the waitress or the waiter, I'll be like, So how is the food here? Should we eat afterwards? And they'll go, I'm gonna be honest. Yeah. It is it's nice when they're honest about that. Because some clubs rule, but yeah, for the most part, you're like, this is crazy. I like the every once in a while when you go to a club, where they're like, we do have like one of the nicest menus around, and they have like a steak or something like that. Like, I think it was at the comedy castle where we got like a fucking T bone steak as well.
SPEAKER_01:You're right. Where is that?
SPEAKER_05:It was like I don't remember. I don't remember.
SPEAKER_01:What do you think about green rooms that don't have a restroom?
SPEAKER_05:I it but I feel bad. I I've noticed it bothers definitely. I feel like for like female performers, it's definitely a bigger thing because well, or and also whenever I've never been the person on the show where everyone's like that, we know who you are. So that part sucks too. To be the performer on the show and you have to go take a shit. I do think that there should be one in there. But as a guy, I don't mind. Honestly, I'll go take a piss in the regular one just to go see what it looks like. So I do I like walking around the whole place. So, but I do think there should be a bathroom in the ground. There should be, yes.
SPEAKER_01:Because some performers, not me, I can get away with going out there and only a few people bothering me, but Chelsea can't go out there. No, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I've thought about that too, where I was like, yeah, I'm sure if Lit, if if if if like if Chelsea went to go to the bathroom, like someone would be like, like some asshole fan or something would be like, I'm gonna take a picture over, or something like that.
SPEAKER_01:Like people would be she would be mobbed, be mobbed, yes. And not in a bad way, but people would just want to meet her, or something like that.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, people just take yeah, people take advantage of those like times or whatever. Yeah, I I this does deserve to be said we can get out of here because I don't want to I don't want to take up too much of your time. But I when I came to see you guys, this was still, and this was a couple years ago. But when I came to see you guys in in Chicago, which also I still love, I still think about when you were on stage and that guy walked away and you go, You can't abandon your post, the security guy. Yeah, I I I have had a I've been on stage and a guy will move and I'll be like, That's not my bit, but I want to do it so much. But I just love when you go, he walked away, he goes, Sir, where are you going? You can't abandon your post. And he literally goes, Oh, and he like almost went back. He was like, I think you're right. I think I shouldn't be moving. But when I saw you guys, we hung out in the green room, and it was me, you, Tina, Beth, everyone was there, and then you guys are like, Hey, we gotta go do meet and greet really quick. So we all start walking out of the green room, and there had already been a line that was so long it was still extending into the showroom. And you guys came outside, and I'm not exaggerating because you're my podcast. I've told other people like this, it felt like I was hanging out with the Beatles. You guys came out, they had already seen your show, they knew you were there, you walked out, and they go, like people were grabbing people that they were with, all the attention came to you so much that I had to do a bit. I was with Steve Reigns and we were standing there, and I put my arm around him, I go, This is for us. And I was like that because I was like, it just was like you have to be funny in moments where you don't know what to do, but it was just very cool to see like how loved you guys were, and like yeah, it's crazy. It's unbelievable. Yeah, it's cool. Like I've had people who I've had people who someone saw me at a show and they're like, dude, I think you're so funny. I saw you on uh Slap City and they go, How the fuck did you get on that? I literally was like, they're my friends. They're like, All right.
SPEAKER_01:What the f I mean we've pop we've talked about Bobby the Bone Man, Jacob's.
SPEAKER_05:No, I don't know, but for sure, but that's what I'm saying. And then she was just like, How did you get on that? How did you know? I'm like, they're my friends before they're like, all right, I don't know about that. Yeah, isn't that funny? Isn't that great? Yeah, yes, I know, but yeah, that's so funny. So it's just cool, I it's very cool seeing you guys get to like be at that level. Because even there's comedians who go their whole career and get like they do fine, but it might not ever be like that. But you guys literally have people like shaking down the place, wanting to meet you, like getting so excited. The dressing like you guys is unmatched. Like, that's unreal. That's unreal to be able to see someone come out and do that, and then like how much people, whenever Beth and Tina are selling your guys' merch, like just watching how many people are like, oh that, and that like they don't people aren't even they're not even buying, they're not buying clothes or stick, they're not buying any of that. They just have to have as much of you as they can, and that's so beautiful to see.
SPEAKER_01:And it's like they're almost can't even sell anymore because they're people want to take pictures with Beth and Tina so much now. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's wild, and I think that's I think that's a lot of chel uh Chelsea because she just is so good to her fans. Yeah. And I think they feel like we're all friends, you know, because it's it feels like it.
SPEAKER_05:Well, and you make them feel seen because I feel like that's how like you also like how we feel with Brian Regan and stuff too. Like, whenever you're like, hey, or whatever, I know how that is too, and all of a sudden they're like the voice that I listen to on my podcast is like talking through me. Like it's like they're like that that that voice that I hear every day on my way to work when I'm sad, when I'm happy, that person is talking to me. Like, dude, what was that video that uh Tina showed me when I did your guys' podcast wherever ago? That lady who was like took too many edibles and is like later, she's like she's not making any sense. It's just like slop city podcast. Like she's coming out of a bad drug. Yeah, she came out of a drug stupor, and the first cognitive thoughts were like, oh, slop city podcast. Isn't that crazy? That's nuts. That's amazing. So yeah, I just I love I know you're hard on yourself, and I am too, but I'm not like just trying to be like whatever word that is, trying to be like, you should think yourself better. I literally am just giving you the accolades that I've I've just seen you do so many things that it's cool to like witness how many people love you so you can't shit anywhere in this country. It's amazing. That was amazing. I love it. Do you have it? Do you have anything else you want to promote? Anything else coming up? Any your podcasts? Anything you love? Anything you want to do, say?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, me and Tina are still trying to do slap city, but you know, it's hard because I'm here. God, why my ass looks so I want to stand up so they can see that I yeah, show my podcast.
SPEAKER_05:If you don't mind showing your my podcast your ass.
SPEAKER_01:I've lost weight, but when I sit down, I I'm like melted. So I'm gonna stand up and shoot.
SPEAKER_05:Well, we live in an ass society now. We are a lover of asses, so I don't think anyone's gonna mind. This might be the thumbnail. If you don't look at that dunk, dude. Libby. I'm I'm one day. One day we'll be dunked up. I think this will be the thumbnail. Thank you guys for listening. We're dunked up. Love you. Can you do the shake? I don't even know how to do the shake. I know I can't do none of that.
SPEAKER_01:I practice a lot, but I can't do it.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I don't have the muscles for it, but all right, that's the pod. Please follow Libby. Go see her on the road, support live stand up. Thank you. Love you.
unknown:Bye.
SPEAKER_05:Love it.
SPEAKER_04:Thank you, Libby.
SPEAKER_05:Thank you, love you. Oh my god. That was so much fun.