Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

103 Rocks Don't Float: Cactus Tate Returns | Discombobulated with Bobby Jaycox

• Bobby Jaycox

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The day starts with fart etiquette and donuts and somehow ends with a heartfelt riff on friendship, parenting, and the strange rules of public bathrooms. That’s tour life: messy, loud, and full of tiny moments that turn into the stories we repeat for years. With our favorite chaos magnet Cactus Tate back on the mic, we stumble through airport bathroom mix-ups, “rocks don’t float” river logic, and the unflinching honesty that only comes from living shoulder to shoulder on the road.

We go there: hemorrhoids, period logistics, and why menthol pads are a war crime. But the point isn’t shock—it’s empathy. Etiquette becomes a running joke about respect, whether it’s not farting on someone’s food or knowing when to laugh a meltdown back to earth. We share the kind of bits that only happen when you’re sleep-deprived and over-caffeinated: a fan recognition during a puke spiral, an emergency hoodie mission, and the cursed suitcase wrapped in duct tape and bravado. Viv makes an appearance in our stories too—cigarettes, dogs, and the kind of practical generosity that keeps comics moving.

Parenting shows up as the quiet center. We talk about using humor to coach a kid through fear, staying calm when safety is on the line, and how our reactions become theirs. Between vape “quits,” train-ripping for sleep, and the war between water and cherry-flavored poison, we land on the same truth: touring is survival by community. The jokes keep us afloat; the care keeps us going.

Hit play for a blast of road-tested comedy, travel horror stories, and the kind of friendship that makes the worst moments bearable and the best ones unforgettable. If you laughed, learned, or just felt seen, follow the show, share it with a friend, and drop a review so more people can find us.

Support the show

https://www.patreon.com/c/DiscombobulatedwithBobbyJaycox

SPEAKER_02:

Alright. You got sunnies?

SPEAKER_00:

No, I don't wear those. I can't see. You don't wear sunnies? No, but I do have to fart.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, if you're not wearing sunnies, I'm not wearing sunnies.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I almost shit.

SPEAKER_02:

You almost shit your face.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_02:

Just now?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. On camera.

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, that would that actually would not be bad for the ratings if you shit like? Yeah, honestly. So if you do have a fucking shit up in there.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, I do, but it's like one of those that don't want to come up. I want to leave it out of my body when I don't eat enough fiber. I get the food.

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, you never eat enough fiber. I've never, I don't even think, dude, every time, every time we go to eat fiber, every single time you're like, my stomach hurts, and I'm like, let's go eat fiber, you'll go, Well, what is fiber? And I don't always remember either, but I'll be like, beans or something like that. And you'll be like, Yeah, you you eat two spoonfuls, like I would say, every other night. Yep. If you're eating dinner. Yeah. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Discombobulated. We have our first returning guest, someone who I care about very much, changed the trajectory of my comedy career. She uh just almost shit her pants. And I have been with her when on the road when she has shit her pants. Everybody, welcome back. Cactus Tate. Tate of my dude.

unknown:

Hi.

SPEAKER_02:

Asshole, if I'm saying it. How are you? Good. I did. Good. How are you? Let's just talk. No, we have to talk about how you were almost just shit again. Because you have been farting and you just farted on the donuts. And that's a the only no-no on tours that she's like, you can't, you have to be careful and don't fart like near the food, or if I'm eating or anything like that. Any other time farts are fine. And just now you had voodoo donuts between your legs and fucking and you farted on them, and I was like, what? And you were like, Well, it's different because you weren't eating one of them. I'm like, oh, but you farted on one of them. So I can fart on a KFC bag and can give it to you.

SPEAKER_00:

Is the KFC closed inside? Because this is close. It's closed.

SPEAKER_02:

It's a paper bath.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It might as well be told about it.

SPEAKER_00:

I pointed your asshole at my open, like to-go box and started at the food I was actively eating. Your shit shell.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_00:

Your shit, what are those called? Shit particles? That's what they're called.

SPEAKER_02:

They went in my nose and they definitely didn't because I had pants on, so the particles are definitely getting trapped by my underwear, then my pants. And then if we were at a hotel, I send your pants. Yeah. And so you're over here. So there's that amount. I went like this, which if I may, if that was a gun, wouldn't even that's not even near you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but that's a shotgun and it fucking sprays.

SPEAKER_02:

I get I do get that it does spray. I do get that it does spray, but I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. We have a lot of we do have a lot of fun on the road, but we don't always just we're not always just shitting. It does feel like that sometimes though. You tried to shit today, and then I didn't have to, but I was like, I guess I'll try. And then I ended up shitting, and then we both came out and sincerely both realized when we walked back by, we were like, wait, you came out of that one, and I came out of that one, and then we realized that I had gone into the women's and took a shit, and you had gone into the men's and were just were constipated.

SPEAKER_00:

I farted.

SPEAKER_02:

You did fart?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I for sure farted, and then I was like, there was someone next to me, and I thought it was a woman. I could have been. I thought it was a woman.

SPEAKER_02:

I walked past two, we I walked past two men working there, and you said you walked past a woman. I think we had to have been a different part of the airport and just like gotten fucked up because there's no way. I just I feel like I remember seeing urinals. That's like a thing a guy does. You walk in, and if you see too many stalls, you're like, this isn't white. So I definitely feel like I saw a urinal and but oh my god, I'd be so upset. I've done that once as I was like, uh I was like shitting, but it was that one of those ones where like each stall is for men, women, you all gender, and all genders. So then I hear I hear two women come in, but they're in like the like main hallway of like where everyone can use the bathrooms, and I just start yelling, I go, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And because and then I come out and they're like, What's going on? I go, I had no idea this was the woman's restroom. They were like, Oh, no, this is like everyone, I was like, Oh, I've never been in one of these. It wasn't like in Europe, it was just here. So I was so scared that I was like shitting in a woman's restroom. I like did like one wipe and then just you know.

SPEAKER_00:

But you needed more?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I went, yeah, I immediately got back into an all-gender stall and shit my my pantaloons off.

SPEAKER_00:

Immediately after they told you you could? Or did you like walk out and pretend you didn't like freak out?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I definitely I probably pretended, I probably waited for them to like go back into a thing and then peeked back around. Yeah, I definitely wasn't like, oh, cool, I'm gonna get back to shitting. That would be crazy.

unknown:

Woo!

SPEAKER_02:

All right. I thank God it's not all women in here. I'm gonna go fartaloogie up my ass. Yeah, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00:

What do you call it? Butt snot?

SPEAKER_02:

What do you mean? Like my well, I don't think I've I I'll just I call it different things all the time, like depending on how it what's coming out.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

I got really gross stuff back there.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, something I've told I've told you that before. I'll go like wipe, and sometimes I'm just like, what is that?

SPEAKER_01:

Where is that coming from?

SPEAKER_02:

That's maybe the hardest I've made you off on tour, is that I was like, I had a hemorrhoid pop. Oh, they're always pop. It looks like it's like it's like someone's birthday in my head. It's like pop pop. It's like a gender reveal, and it's like it's blah.

SPEAKER_00:

And uh it's an open source.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And so I always that it is uh that's kind of like where I'm always at. And then so then, but one time we were on the road, and I was like, I was like, I just I just kind of want to go like go to the bathroom, and I just like wiped, and it was like real, you know, it's like one of those times where you wipe and you're like, that wasn't nothing. That wasn't that wasn't a clean asshole, but also it might have just been like, you know, um covered in uh but so that it's that's not important, it's that's not important. But I wiped and then immediately uh it was like, what is it was like this stuff, and then I I reconvened with cactus and I was like, hey, I think I realize that sometimes like that stuff is like a hemorrhoid bursting. She's like, What did you say?

SPEAKER_00:

Then there would be blood in it.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah, and I go, Yeah, you're right. I go, what is that stuff?

SPEAKER_00:

What is like like sincerely serious?

SPEAKER_02:

I go, what is that stuff?

SPEAKER_00:

I've never seen it more perplexed, and it was just so upsetting and hilarious at the same time.

SPEAKER_02:

You did almost fall into traffic at that stop sign.

SPEAKER_00:

I wish I would have. That fucking wow. Words don't go together like you put them together sometimes.

SPEAKER_02:

No, no, no, no. But we are where are we at? We are at the uh we're at the Denver airport. We got here, what time did we get here? 7:30 a.m. A.m. And what time do we leave?

SPEAKER_00:

320.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. We had gotten in um, we had gotten, we had left your place. We had left uh the Houston airport. What time? Four or five?

SPEAKER_00:

Five fifteen. Five fifty.

SPEAKER_02:

You hate when I blow my nose.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, it's so disgusting. I gotta do it. Or do you just have boogers like the rest of us? Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm your daughter and I gotta blow my I have boogies.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah my little goog.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, my daughter, angel. You're Bobby, and you don't know what you're doing. We go this way. Actually, I'm the one that helps you.

SPEAKER_00:

His butt it's not, and it's not his hemright. It's something else, but he doesn't know what's in there.

SPEAKER_02:

I didn't shit my pants. I just shit my butt. There's a difference when you shit your pants and but. Anyway, we can't just be talking about shit all the time.

SPEAKER_00:

No, but I did have to talk about it.

SPEAKER_02:

I do talk about shit so much with like all my female friends. Like with guys, I kind of do a little bit, but they're usually like you talk about it for a little bit and eventually they're like, alright, I'm you know, drinking or whatever. But I talked to I talk to all my female friends about shit.

SPEAKER_00:

That's crazy is when you shit, you wipe your vagina and your asshole at the same time, but when you piss you only wipe your vagina.

SPEAKER_02:

Hmm. I'd really like if I could have a moment just to understand. Because I think I always kind of thought that you guys would do that. But I I guess there's like no slowing down, there's no merging into try if there's no like look, you just go ffft and it's just the you swipe the whole credit.

SPEAKER_00:

You gotta Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I don't I think that's fine.

SPEAKER_00:

But you can there's a way to like just wipe your vagina, but there's no way to just wipe your asshole. You can go around the back and just try to get your asshole, but you're gonna get your vagina. But you can also like you could just dab the front and put it down. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, no, d the dab in the front makes sense. I just did I get the dabbing it down, that makes sense, but then I just I never thought about turn like from behind just being like, I mean, it makes it makes sense. I'm always also blown away, even when I was a kid, if I went to the bathroom and me and my mom went at the same time, or if I've ever been dating anyone, or friends that are girls, anyone, we go to the bathroom and we come out at the same time. And I'm like, you guys have so many more steps, and uh usually a couple things with you. Like, how do you did that so fast? It always fucks me up. Like, we'll get out and I'm like, I don't know how you I don't know how we're both getting out at the same time.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, I do it so quick I don't even touch the toilet seat. I hover to pee. I've heard a lot of people. I do with all my things on too, so I don't take anything off. Backpack, everything, just hover, and get back out. I'm out in seconds. It's like a pit stop.

SPEAKER_02:

That's funny. I do like turnaround and I almost like I get ready like a lazy Batman. I'm like, backpack here. I'll sit here. And then I just sit. Oh yeah, dude. I get it like all set up. And then like also at the airport's the only time where you're like you don't feel as rushed. So like if someone's shitting and then like there's a line, you're like, whatever. But also, every airport I've been in, they need to make more air the more bathrooms because like everywhere we go, there's like a long line. And I know it's a bathroom and it smells like shit, but like when you like get to the door and you're just like, oh my god, and then you wait a line and you have to do that thing as a you have to go like this as a guy because we have urinal or this. So if there's a urinal that opens, you have to concede the sad, you just have to be there, like, oh, you can go next. You're like, no, I go shit down. You have to like you have to stand in that line while everyone keeps pissing, and they're like, No man, you can go next. No, I have to poop in shit out of my asshole right now. And then you have to like do that, and then you just have to stand there, and I've I am as I am unconfident if I'm like talking to a girl as I am if I'm standing there and everyone knows I'm about to shit. Because then you have to stand there and you have to shit, but no one you're you're not allowed to stand there and be like, fuck. You have to stand there and you just have to be like, hmm. So only time I pretend I know about sports, I'm like, how about those cardinals? And then someone's like, they're doing pretty good. I'm like, fuck. I do not pay attention to cardinals.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I don't understand why you guys even have urinals. Why don't you all have stalls? Like having your dick out isn't any less like showy than sitting down in your dick. Like, you're it's all out. Like, why is there urinals out? Why don't you guys all have stalls?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Because your dick's still out.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and also and also it's like if there's a toilet and you have your own stall, you can just piss into the toilet too. So that you're right. I guess it's because it's like cool, it's like a guy thing. We're like, what the fuck? But what's weird is that guys do love to go to a urinal, but also guys like have these like weird rules. Like one time I stood right next to, like, not like right next to a guy, there's like there's like five, and instead of like choosing this one because there was like everyone used it, there's like more piss on the ground, we're like we're sharing elbows, and he literally was like, Bro, you're supposed to leave a gap. And I'm like, Well, sorry, my dad didn't teach me. We didn't go, this is how we pee, son. Like, I just was like, I thought we could all pee and look forward, but yeah, if we we honestly, if we all just had like a urinal, like or whatever, like and also I don't I don't feel that good with the urinal because almost every time even if they well, not if they're too high, they're always too dude, picturing me tippy toed, trying to fucking off. I mean what?

SPEAKER_00:

Took my pad off.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, hey, I didn't mean to almost take your pad off, which by the way, where'd you get that pad from? Bobby's backpack. Don't say it like that. I'm such a good friend that I was packing, and I had some from last tour because you were on your frickin' period. So then I was like, oh, she might need these. And hey, what did you just need just now?

SPEAKER_01:

A pad to blow my nose.

SPEAKER_02:

You didn't have any, we didn't have anything to blow our nose in, and I was like, hey, if only I you could use a dampon or a pad.

SPEAKER_00:

And both would have worked, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful that you carry around these pads and tampons.

SPEAKER_02:

I love it. I love it. I love it when TSA pulls me over and I'm like, I can have a period.

SPEAKER_01:

You too.

SPEAKER_02:

I could have one if I wanted to. Which guy I have I can have a period. I have hemorrhoids you don't even know about. I have to have a pad back there, dude. Dude, if you don't give me a pad, dude, I honestly would oh my god, pads for guys with really bad hemorrhoids.

SPEAKER_00:

You should they make panty liners and I'm sure those would work the same. They're like a thinner version of a pad, so it's just like a light paper to catch your ass.

SPEAKER_02:

Are those always like they're smaller than the ones you have in like pink? Because my mom would have those, and I would always take them out, like, because she'd be in line and I'd be like looking through a purse for gum, and I'd take it out, and I never knew what that was. Yeah, I just I just eat a fucking panny line. I'm like it does when you're looking for it, you're like, this doesn't smell bad. It smells like it's trying to cover up a stinking.

SPEAKER_00:

Smells like flour powder.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00:

You know what's crazy is the scented ones make it so much worse.

SPEAKER_02:

They make your pussies think we're like oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like a bunch of blood and puss with a light rose scent over the top. Really? So bad. You have to get uncented ones. And they make menthol ones too. Yeah, it burns, bitch.

SPEAKER_02:

And if do you guys ever share one? And if it's like, oh, I don't want menthol, and you're like, just don't pop it. If you don't pop it, it won't turn into menthol. And just like a cigarette, you're like, I can still fucking feel the menthol a little bit.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I did borrow a pad from a girl and she's like, it's a honey pot. And I didn't know what that meant. I was like, a honeypot, and she was trying to warn me by saying it's menthol, and I put it on it, and like I started walking, I was like, why is it spicy?

SPEAKER_02:

It was a I did not know they made menthol pads.

SPEAKER_00:

Only one brand does it, and it's not popular for a reason.

SPEAKER_02:

They don't make menthol like condoms.

SPEAKER_00:

Nobody even wants menthol cigarettes, bitch. Those are the ones they buy, so nobody else at the bar takes their cigarettes, okay?

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, you meet someone who likes menthol cigarettes that you can just tell they do smoke cigarettes in a way no one else does. They kind of like my I'm trying to think.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, in bed. Yeah. That shit's crazy.

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, did did our our friend Viv, did Viv used to smoke like menthols? Because she does, she seems like a sil, a uh, what's it, a Virginia Slim lady?

SPEAKER_00:

No, she does a marble light.

SPEAKER_02:

I know that's a structure light. Yeah, she's a marble light lady. Because that's a because also she's our she's uh our friend. She's your friend, but you've known her longer. She's how's 64? 67?

SPEAKER_00:

Err. No way. She's 67 now, I think, or 66.

SPEAKER_02:

Anyway, she's cool and she's kissed Willie Nelson, and that's a that's a feat in its own. And uh so if yeah, dude, when you see her, she's like, I'm smoking the real six. These are light, I'm smoking them, but they're a little lighter.

SPEAKER_00:

She's not a pussy, dude. She's a real deal.

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, Vivian is not a pussy. I love, dude, I fucking love Viv. I went whenever I went over to her house, uh, she uh she gave me um those uh the things for tour that we kept the uh in case like your car breaks down, those like spinny hazard lights. Oh but she had them in a room. What was really funny is that she had them in one of those rooms where you're like, I know where it's at, and then she didn't, and dude, she was climbing in between things, and there was a moment where I was like, Viv, I know you can get that, but also I'm gonna have to you need to find them because I have to put them out for you. She's gonna fucking get hurt.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh is it that spare bedroom she took you in?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, there's there's a rhyme and reason to all of that.

SPEAKER_02:

You could tell, you could tell there was a rhyme or reason, but I also feel like just like with any junk drawer and stuff, sometimes like the rhyme and the reason gets a little fucking mixed up.

SPEAKER_00:

It's her rhyme and her reason.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, for sure. Dude, Viv fucking rules. I love Vivian. She's uh a sig smoking. Got a new dog. Gotta love seeing her. What's Valentina?

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm. Dude, she's really trained up. She put she put Valentina, she paid$2,500 to send her to a vet for two weeks, or not a vet, uh trainer for two weeks.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah. Even whenever I went over the last time, she uh their dog was like her dog was like uh better. Like she was like bet like you she definitely was jumping, but it's also it's like it's like when a kid's out on an airplane, it's like that's what they do. Like, what do you I mean it's a kid, it's uh it's a kid, it's a dog, it's like they're they're just playing around, and once you get past that stage, then it'll be good. Eventually it's just they lay there and they kind of like look around with their eyes, it'll be beautiful.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, when they get old and ran all the life out of them and the pedigree got to their arteries or whatever.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but dude, it is I mean, don't do you kind of miss that a little bit with Dexter? Because like with your dog Dexter, like you'll see him and he like goes because he wants to run, and you just go, Dexter, no. And he like he listens like how your kid listens. So that has to be kind of fun. But do you don't miss those puppy times a little bit when he would like was just like all over the place?

SPEAKER_00:

He was so fat, he would run from me and I would have to dude. He used to be such a little shit. Yeah. Uh no, because he was just such a well, I do miss him being a puppy because he was able to play a lot rougher. We would actually fight like real body slams on each other, and no one would get hurt. Um, he would grab my hair and pull it, like just not hard enough to like rip it out. But we would fuck each other up. But you can't play with him like that anymore. His hips are kind of old.

SPEAKER_01:

I know.

SPEAKER_00:

That's the only thing I miss. Not him. He used to get into so much shit. He he still to this day pisses he hates Keen. He pisses in his toolbox all the time.

SPEAKER_02:

He does?

SPEAKER_00:

He's fucked with Keen since the day we got together. It's because Keen is the reason Dexter doesn't sleep in my bed anymore. He used to eat dinner at the dinner table with me on the table. We had a bench seat, and you could see where his little ass print and claws had fucked it up were at the table I had. And he'd sleep next to me in bed. And then when I married Keen, we couldn't have three dogs in bed because we couldn't all fit. So they all had to sleep on the ground. And ever since then, Dexter's held a grudge.

SPEAKER_02:

Man, that's kind of that's like a sad break. That's like a sad version of a breakup because in Dexter's mind, it's like, you're like, he's like, Oh, this is my girl, and then he'd take care of him, and then this guy comes in and now he's sleeping outside and everything, but he's still it's not like he's like, Oh, I get I'll just go find another owner. He's like, This is still my owner.

SPEAKER_00:

You just gotta sit there and watch him be replaced.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, dude. I remember there was a we had this like poetry, not like a poetry book, but it was like a like a in community college, it was like some literature class. So there's like poems, there was different stuff. And I remember when I went to go return the book, they were like, We'll give you six bucks back. And I'm like, I think I'll just keep this book. So every once in a while I would like go through and try to like read something. And I remember I flipped through and there was this like long allegory about like this guy who had this beautiful life with this woman and then died and then came back as a parakeet, and like it's this beautiful thing where she sees him, picks him out, takes him back, but he's a parakeet, so then like she starts bringing guys back to like get over him and she's like fucking him, and he's like freaking out in the cage, and he's a parakeet, and he's a parakeet or whatever. And I know you and Dexter like weren't fucking or whatever.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, it's got so weird.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, did my podcast get weird on part of it? My podcast get weird, dude. Can I tell? Yeah, yeah. Do you want to tell?

SPEAKER_00:

So I fuck you, dude. I freeze up. Sometimes I do things that don't make sense, okay? I I I'm not a I'm a woman of chaos. You explain.

SPEAKER_02:

I would love to explain. So the other day, me and Tatum were starting to uh record her new podcast coming out soon. Uh The Morning Drop is what it's called. Off.

SPEAKER_00:

Morning drop off.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, cool. Well, tell what's uh tell a couple of the other ideas that you had.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh parent pickup. Parent pickup.

SPEAKER_02:

That was yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Parent after school drop-off.

SPEAKER_02:

So, but but the concept, you can kind of hear it in there. If if you were guessing what the podcast would be about, you'd be like, oh, it's probably about like school and like maybe Marlo and her family and Tatum. So she's doing the podcast, and she's like, I th I have I know exactly what I kind of want to talk about. It's gonna be Marlo, kind of make her for school, this, that, and the other. And I'm producing it, so I'm getting all the audio and everything. And she, there's a lull. And then you bring up like, and then she, you know, and then you know, whenever she gets older, and then you know, he he might, and you start bringing up hypothetical people that I couldn't keep up with because I was just making sure the levels were good, and then you were like, Yeah, and then you start talking about rape, and then he's like, Yeah, and then he probably he probably doesn't even get charged or anything. And I go, dude, we're 10 minutes into the podcast about dropping your daughter off in school, and you were just like doing talking about like a hypothetical and I remember you stopped and you go, Is this bad? And I go, Well, I thought we were gonna talk about like chicken fingers, not like getting fucking finger.

SPEAKER_00:

No, because immediately after I was like, and he never goes and he never goes to jail or anything for doing that. But anyways, I made my daughter chicken spaghetti last night.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I remember I just was like, I couldn't even look at you, dude.

SPEAKER_00:

I completely went from rape to chicken spaghetti.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I was like, dude, imagine like that would just be so crazy. I'm like, oh, dude, this podcast is supposed to teach you like how to become like a better musician and all this stuff, and then all of a sudden you suddenly like, yeah, and then I don't know, fucking, yeah, and like someone hypothetically kills your whole family. You're like, what the hell happened in this podcast? And you go, maybe you think we'll you want to take a breather, we'll take a moment. I'm like, yeah, let's take a moment, maybe fucking eat some chicken things.

SPEAKER_00:

That's from that chicken spaghetti you made.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god, I don't know why I did that. Um that's funny.

SPEAKER_02:

We do have fun though. That was the most fun that we had had, is we were filming it, and then I went to stop it, and I just started again because we were both just laughing at like how bad it was. Because that's the thing, is like you're like, you know how bad something is as a comic. But the thing is, is you're stuck in it. With like a guitar. If you play music, you can be like, I know how to get my way out of this, but as a comic, you're just in a thought, and then you have to be like, fuck. I better find the end of this sentence very quickly.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you have to because everybody's looking at you to make a point, and and when you don't know that point that you're trying to make, it gets scary.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, no one told, but it was the first episode, no one told you what the point we we let you pick the point. I farted. Not in you, why didn't you fart in the microphone?

SPEAKER_00:

I farted at the donuts again.

SPEAKER_02:

It's weird. Both of us get upset with the other person for fart etiquette, but mine is that like you don't do it like punk rock enough, and yours is that like it's just like it's on my food. You farted on the food. Yeah. I don't care if you fart on the food, but if you fart, you gotta do it. We have mics on our hands. You gotta fart. These mics have all been farted.

SPEAKER_00:

No, what if my front farts first too? Then you hear that one. Can you it's like a different octave?

SPEAKER_02:

Is it? I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I mean, I I can't like do it. It has to be uh Keen has to help.

SPEAKER_02:

But it's the same kind of a push, a front one and a back one are the same kind of a push?

SPEAKER_00:

It's the same muscles, but you can feel which angle it comes out.

SPEAKER_02:

I would not well no, because like if I blow my nose, I can't just be like left, right! So I'm wondering how you know which hole you're gonna fucking blow fucking fart dust out of.

SPEAKER_00:

Sometimes girls fart and then it goes up the front and then it like gets trapped in your puss.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, oh, so you can like recycle it and then it's like it's like that Spider-Man meme.

SPEAKER_00:

There's a nowhere to go.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god. There's no way home. It's just back to the back inside. Get the fuck a fart goes out and goes back in front. You're get the fuck back in. Sorry, dude.

SPEAKER_01:

Why the fuck did I do that?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but dude, I I think that would I would say that it we have a lot of stuff that we quote just from like being on tour and stuff that's happened. But I do think that we've maybe quoted that scene from friendship whenever he stands up for his now like ex-wife, and they're all out at dinner with him and his family, he stands up to that guy, and as soon as they're like, Hey, thank you so much, because why the fuck did I just do that? We do it all the time.

SPEAKER_00:

You think I'm afraid of you? I just bought a van.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not scared of you. I just bought a van. Dude, that movie is so so good. But uh we have wait, dude, we have a uh we do have a fun time on tour. I'm glad when I dude, when I met you when we first did the podcast, we hadn't even been on tour at all together. And then we did Vegas, and then you found out I was sleeping in my car. Because you had asked me to go on tour, and I was like, Well, I can't afford to go on tour unless I sleep in my car. So I couldn't tell you where I was sleeping. You and your husband, I remember you guys both kept asking me, you and Keem were like, So where are you staying? And I kept saying, nearby.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, you were being so weird about it. And me and him were like, is he staying at like I thought you were gonna stay at like the whorehouse for a second. I was like, well, maybe he's staying at the like Can you stay at whorehouses? Yeah, you guys you got paid to spend the night.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I've that's really funny. I feel like that would be like if I was like, let's go eat like Pizza Hut and then be like, Can I sleep here? Hey, my take a little load up, which actually sound and now that I think about it, kind of sounds like perfect. I'm gonna guess that did not sound like mine. Can you tell in your United headphones which side that was? You go like this and look at your hands, you looked at left and right. Dude, if you want me to edit whatever keep it in.

SPEAKER_00:

You tell me where that came from.

SPEAKER_02:

Wrote a survey up in this bitch. Um, I think that was a queen. That's clearly a fart, you fucking idiot. You've never heard a queef in your life.

SPEAKER_00:

Did you not hear the pitch in that? It was angled like her asshole.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you think it's angled. Look at how she's sitting. You don't even know where a pussy was.

SPEAKER_01:

That's funny.

SPEAKER_02:

You wouldn't know a cleaf from your ass. Fuck, that felt good. Oh my god, you stupid fucking piece of shit. That's another quote from Tour. You stupid fucking bitch. You dumb fucking bitch. That's what they said. Yeah, you dumb fucking bitch. We basically had a conversation. We I don't we shouldn't say anything specific, so there no one could get an idea of maybe even where this at. But basically, a manager, we had told them what we did instead of what had happened, and everything was fine. The show was fine, no part of that was messed up, and they were like, I can't believe you did that. And they were actually the ones that told us to do this. And then so I remember they looked, I just remember they go, You stupid fucking bitch. Is that bird shit on my leg? No.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's ask.

SPEAKER_02:

Are you bird shit?

SPEAKER_00:

Are you freed out?

SPEAKER_02:

Have you ever been shit on by not by your kid or anything, by like a uh like a bird or something like that?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and by remember when that dude was dry up in my stomach and he left his shit saying.

SPEAKER_02:

Do I remember that?

SPEAKER_00:

Like you were there.

SPEAKER_02:

I remember that. No, no, no. I remember the guy We were No, dude. I meant this is I remember you telling me about that because I remember you were telling me you're like, you're telling me the story, and then because like as a guy, there's always you're like, oh man, you know, embarrassing stuff, you know, like I'm like, oh, you think you know what's gonna happen. And I didn't know it. That was one of the that was definitely not like one of the first ones where you had told me a story where I was like, you gotta talk about that very soon. And you tried, but the audience just couldn't handle it.

SPEAKER_00:

It's so weird.

SPEAKER_02:

Because there's something about like they're they're like, oh, dude, this beautiful girl, she's so cool. And then you're like, and then he left an asterisk on my everyone's like, nah, we're paying our tabs right now.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, dude. So what happened is I was uh I was like one of my first boyfriends, and he, I don't know why he was doing this. He was naked on top of me, like dry humping my stomach, like dick out.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I thought he was like, okay, he was just dry humping your stomach.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, just like a joke, like making a joke, but when he got off of it, there was a shit stain. He wasn't trying to like get off on my stomach.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, as a guy, that either me do you can you tell, did he was he just a guy that didn't have cleanliness? Because like you sometimes you got, you know, your asshole's not always clean, but you gotta be pushing your ass down to have your ass like where I'm sitting right now. I'm sitting right now, my asshole is not touching the ground. Does that make sense? So for him to be like honestly, what's crazy is he was probably like, this feels really good. My ass has shit all over it, and I'm getting I'm itching it on your belly button ring or whatever.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, I don't know why you did it when he ran and he got toilet paper and he started to clean it off. And I was like, I'm getting in the shower. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_02:

I want to make sure we're still going. This is I literally love this so much. I cannot believe it.

SPEAKER_00:

Can I take a hit of my vape?

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, you can do whatever you want. Yeah, give me a hit too. We're actually, would you say this is the how many vapes have we quit? Including the one you threw before you smoked. Before you smoked, we were uh in a city, and I think something had happened that day. So I think I was like bummed and also not feeling good. We were sitting outside, I was like, dude, why the fuck do I smoke this thing? And you're like, I don't know, can I have it? And you took it and you fucking And threw it. And I know, listen, everyone's allowed to litter once. So many people litter all the time. If you're throwing it and you throw a vape, that's fine. But yeah, you took it and threw it in the woods, and I laughed really hard. Can I have that? No. You threw it really hard. And I hit this. I'm like, yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_00:

I thought I was badass now. If I threw this vape, I'd run after it. My knees would knock together while I chased it.

SPEAKER_02:

I know, but we've quit so many times. Dude, one time I was in my car and I hit it and I was like, I fucking hate this thing so much. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna fucking throw it to where I can't even grab it. So I threw it and I was like, I just went like this. And as I threw it, I looked in my rearview mirror and like, watch the trajectory, and I knew, I literally knew exactly where it landed. Like I moved one bag, put my hand there, and I was like, there it is. But I would I'm sincerely since I'm being very honest. I think we have said that on, I would say nine of these.

SPEAKER_00:

I was gonna say 19.

SPEAKER_02:

No, 19, because there were still some we were still smoking, and you were definitely like, I'm not gonna quit. We would just be like, we should quit this. But I think literally we'd be like, this is the last vape. Yeah. And as soon as we throw it away, we'll be going to like a hotel, and I'm like, what is this? And you're like, there's the vape shop on the way, and I'm like, this is the worst part of town I've ever been in. I bought one, dude. I bought one illegally the other day.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah, you were telling me about that. I'm so mad I didn't go with you. Where was that at? And where was that at? Um we were walking.

SPEAKER_02:

When you got really you had I can't remember what had happened, but enough things, you were tired and you enough things that had happened to you that day that I was like, I feel like I could be a good friend right now. Like, not even just like you're open or like trying to help out with stuff, because like you don't ever ask for anything. But I was like, I feel like if I can go for a walk right now and get out of here and let her, you like have time to just nap and then also see if they have a vape shop. And I came back and it was a fine vape. I picked the best one, but I went in there and it was a head shop that and I was like, Hey, do you have vapes? And she just judged my whole vibe and face and goes, Yeah, come here. And I was like, What? And she like lifted up that like partition or whatever that like thing. So I go behind the counter and we go it back behind a door, and there's like she rapes you. Well, we're 10 minutes into the podcast. Oh my god. I'm like, hey, you have no idea what this fucking vape cost me for this strawberry banana elf bar. Vape me. What do you say when you want the vape? It's my favorite thing ever. One time we were sitting there and I was like, we were both tired and exhausted. I go, hey, can I like I was trying to be nice? I was like, do you need and she goes, Vape? Dude, would you scream it? Like, dude, when you say you're hungry, I know something you're like, we should probably get food now. But when you yell vape, I will turn someone's truck into being able to fucking take a puff off it. I'm like, I'm gonna punch this guy's truck, get his exhaust out. There's gotta be an elf bar in here somewhere. Like a pinata, you just fucking feed the shit out of it. Oh my god. But yeah, we tried to quit so many times, and uh yeah, I just I have to quit. It just doesn't, I just know that it doesn't end up anywhere good. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I know when I breathe in and there's a sharp ice like pain in my lungs. Yeah, and I'm like, oh that's probably not good.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, dude, isn't it weird whenever you're like, because I mean I don't drink as much now, so I will drink a lot more water. Like you'll you'll see me. I drink more water than you do for sure on tour. And I'll always be drinking water. But when you're like drinking alcohol, when you're like getting fucked up a lot, you'll go to drink water and you're like, ugh, can can I drink? You'll like be like, Can I die from drinking too much of this? You drink alcohol all the time, and it's kind of the same thing for like the vape or whatever, too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, do you I remember seeing that video of a guy who's blacked out?

SPEAKER_02:

Or like whenever I do that, then I'm like, I don't need any other health or whatever.

SPEAKER_00:

I remember I saw a video on TikTok where this guy was like blacked out and his friend tried to give him water and he spit it back at him. It's the funniest fucking video.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't want that at all, dude.

SPEAKER_00:

No. That's like you know that you need it, but you won't take it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you don't want yeah, when you want the vape, you're like, like air doesn't taste good. That's what I was saying. I was like, air, like I literally would be like, I'm like, this should feel good, and my body's like, but what if it was poison?

SPEAKER_00:

Or what if it tasted like cherries? Cherry poison and it made you sleep chapter.

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, we sleep so yeah, dude. You told me something you did the other day, and I've never noticed it. And it was you go, you because the other day I was like, I woke up and I was like, How'd you sleep, dude? And you're like, dude, I didn't sleep at all. I was like, really? You're like, yeah, and that happens on tour, you know, but sometimes we'll both like get fucked up. Like, I feel like I can't sleep when we get there, sometimes during the day, and you'll be able to nap and I can't. But you went to sleep, and uh fuck, I totally just forgot what I was talking about. Do you remember the story I was just gonna say?

SPEAKER_00:

You were telling me something I do that you didn't notice.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that you do that I didn't. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That you said that whenever we you're like, hey, whenever I can't fall asleep, I'll do this thing. Do you want to do you want to tell them the trick? Cause and then because I heard you do this the other night, is then because I was going to sleep and I heard you do it, and I was like, I dude, I laughed, but like we both were like tired and I was like So if I I wake up in the middle of the night a lot, and when I don't want to be awake and I want to go back to sleep, I just hit my vape until I get lightheaded, like over.

SPEAKER_00:

I just train rip it until I basically pass out. And it works like a fucking jar.

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, I thought like, dude, I literally heard that and I thought like I thought like mice were building a factory next. I just heard like I'm like, what's going on? And then I just like keep seeing this like bl like very like dim, like pulsing light in the sky. It's just like and I know it's on zero. Dude, we've hit it on zero, and I know everyone else has it, people call it hidden technology and everything, but we've hit it on zero to where I'm like, I don't even think they know what the fuck they're talking.

SPEAKER_00:

This is a battery now.

unknown:

I'm smoking a battery.

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, wouldn't that be funny if eventually they make these illegal and one day I'm just like, dude, try this fucking double A. Like this fucking this is not bad, bro.

SPEAKER_00:

Take a look at this.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god, dude. Um, but yeah, I uh I feel like as soon as we're done, the only thing I always want to do is like there's so much things that will happen on tour that is tried, it's like hard to like like the hemorrhoid story or whatever, but like that has happened. Is there a favorite story that has happened where you're you can be making fun of me, it could be happening to both of us. But do you have like a favorite moment from tour or anything like that? I know I have a bunch.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, I have a bunch. My one of my top favorites is uh Rocks Don't Float. I will always think about Rocks Don't Float.

SPEAKER_02:

Rocks Don't Float, bro. Might be the name of the episode.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, I fucking um we were by the Ohio River. We're about to be back in Ohio! Hey, end of the week. Uh this is last year in Ohio. We were doing probably the same run of clubs, the Perrysburg, Columbus, and Dayton. And um the Ohio River's fucking disgusting if you've ever seen it. I don't even know if that's called. Is that called the Ohio River?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know. You could tell by when we were down there, people are like, Is that a fart?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

He said to get it on my I did. I thought you dragged it across the ramble.

SPEAKER_02:

That was wild, bro. Dude, you're f- But for real, you have been eating more fiber. Your farts do sound healthy.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

They've been sound, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But tell them what tell them about rocks don't float. Anyways, there was a fucking dead catfish in the water just floating right where I could grab it. So I grabbed it.

SPEAKER_02:

It wasn't a cat, it was a smaller fish.

SPEAKER_00:

It was a baby catfish. It was a little catfish.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

It was tiny.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah. I'm like, you didn't fucking like, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00:

No, it was a tiny little fucking Ohio River poisoned catfish that was dying and it was floating next to a box of like Velveeta crackers or something. And I grabbed it- Velveeta? I don't know.

unknown:

And I grabbed it.

SPEAKER_00:

And Bobby's disgusted, he's like, just disgust, you don't know what's in this rock. And I put it down, and I'm like, yeah, that's probably not so good. There's a fucking turd floating in the water right there. And Bobby's like, no, that's not a turd, it's like a rock or something. And I was like, dude, rocks do not float.

SPEAKER_02:

And I really was like, oh my god, they don't. Did you just fart again?

SPEAKER_00:

No, that was my shoe. No one will know though.

SPEAKER_02:

Dude, that I remember, dude, we laughed so hard. And then we also realized it had flooded recently. So we were walking where the floodwaters were. We were like, everything's kind of gross around here. Like, we're like, man, no one's down by the riverfront. Like, yeah, that's shit water. It'll burn you.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm over here digging my hands and it and shit.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, there was a full turd in there.

SPEAKER_02:

Holy shit, dude. That's one of my favorite things. One of my favorite things. Um, and this was truly a bad day. This was a day where we were like, dude, we were like a different size of the airport waiting. We were like, sometimes on tour you get stressed, but sometimes, sometimes you're both stressed, and everything's happened, so you can't like do anything. But you happened to be like, I don't feel very well. And you were like, I want to take medicine, and then you go, Do you think anyone recognizes me? And I go, you know, I think maybe, but I'm like, dude, I we're over here. I don't, I think you're fine. Like, I don't see anyone looking at you, and you go, I don't think so. But I feel bad. I feel like I'm gonna throw up and whatever. And then someone comes over and goes, Are you cactus tate? And so she sat by us, and then eventually you stood up and for whatever reason you had thrown up and you kind of threw up on your hoodie, and then someone else goes, Cactus Tate, and you just go, No, and kept walking. Isn't that what that's what I remember?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't, I can't, uh, I can't like why why would you? I know I had a enough throw up to notice because I threw away my favorite shirt. I had enough throw up on me to notice, and I don't know why they were like, Are you you smell like fucking cornmeal, bitch? You want to take a photo?

SPEAKER_02:

So then that had happened, and then we split up, and that was the funny part. I thought that was funny that they were like, whatever, but then that was a bad day. I guess I'm pretty that was because then you came, then you were like texting me. You're like, I just threw up all over myself. Can you go buy me a hoodie? And I'm like, Yeah, but I was also, did you oh, you want me to come over by you right now? Like it was like a stressful ass day. And then I do care about you so much that I went to buy it, and I knew Keen's favorite team was the uh, he loves the Steelers, right? But then you'll buy him what will you Saints? You'll buy him Saints stuff because you always forget and they're whatever. So I kept trying to remember that, and then I kept seeing a Padres thing, and then I'm thinking about, well, should I get her one she could wear now that Keen could have? And then I just remembered that you're sitting up there and you had covered in vomit, shaking. And then I'm like, I have to buy a hoodie. And I remember I came up and I was like trying to help you. That was like one of those days where we were both having a I was like, you don't know what happened to me. You're like, look at me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, we'd been through war.

SPEAKER_02:

We're like, it was like D-Day for both of us. Yeah, that was that was definitely a bad one. But um, dude, I have the most fun on the road with you because you're definitely you're one of my favorite uh people. Like, I have a lot of friends that I do different bits with, but dude, we will find a bit out of everything. One of my favorite moments was when we we were still newly going on tour together. So, like, you know, you're like, I'm I'm also not used to flying. Like, I didn't fly that much, so we're always like paying attention, we're going to get our bags, and we're going and we're waiting for our bags. And this guy gets his bag off of the carousel, and it is like the worst luggage I've ever seen in my life. It is like you you could I you couldn't buy this luggage at a thrift store. It's shitty, it's covered half in duct tape, half in like postal tape, tape that you get like at the airport, and he gets it off the thing, and he's in such a hurry, and he takes like six steps and then stops and then looks at all of it, grabs his tag and compares it to his ticket and walks away. And we didn't say anything. We both started dying laughing, and she was like, Who the fuck has that exact same tag? Dude, oh my god, dude.

SPEAKER_00:

It had like rebel flag and American flag duct tape. Like it was he put that there. Nobody else made that. You did not have to check. He's like, Oh, let me make sure this is my racism I'm taking. This could be someone else's somebody else's hate crime, nothing.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god. Dude, oh my god. Yeah, that was, I remember that was fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, Canada where they were dragging all that wood. Let's look at that boat. It's dragging all that fucking wood.

SPEAKER_02:

Because we went down, I think, because we were talking about like, yeah, maybe we should like film something, or we could like make something or do whatever. And then you go, yeah, maybe like you were like said something like, yeah, like maybe make something with this like boat or whatever, and you go, it's kind of poor. Look how much I am it was it looked like it looked like a glitch in the matrix. It looked like the wrong, it looked like if they let me and Tatum load the wood. They were like, we're like, we just did it in one skinny line, and then there was guys that were walking on it, and they started cheering at us and I think whistling a little bit. But they thought Bobby was a girl for sure. Oh, yeah, they probably did.

SPEAKER_00:

But we were yelling at them, Bobby's like, honk the horn, and they're like, Bobby's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I love when people honk their fucking horns. Oh my god. Oh my god. Um, but yeah, we're on tour. Um, but probably every once in a while I would love to do more and catch up with you because I love, I mean, we could we catch up all the time, but I like everyone knowing what you're doing. And I'm excited to see the morning drop off. Um, I know I've seen the first episode, and it's so good.

SPEAKER_00:

It's you don't have to lie to them.

SPEAKER_02:

No, it's great.

SPEAKER_00:

It's the first episode.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't do that.

SPEAKER_00:

No, listen, I'm proud of myself. The very, very good.

SPEAKER_02:

You do that with everything, though. You'll do that with everything, and then you'll be like, oh, I suck. And everyone's like, dude, you're awesome, and you're like, I'll fucking kill you. But then, but then you dude, you'll do this thing because I stay a lot with you guys. I stay with you, Keen, and Marlo, and you guys are all cooking for me and Marlo a lot. Every once in a while, I'll cook, and you're everyone's like, This is chicken.

SPEAKER_00:

It was good, it was good.

SPEAKER_02:

But so, but you'll cook, and every time you'll do this thing where you'll be like, We're like eating, and we're like, dude, this is so good. And you're like, Yeah, I don't know, it's kind of dry. And we're like, no, it's not. And we always try to build you up and you won't accept it. But then I'll be like, you know, it is a little dry, and you're like, Yeah, I guess you fucking hate me. I guess you want me to, I guess I'll just fucking you take the meatloaf and fucking push your face into it, and me and Marlo are just like they get the little fucking kill. I'm like, I'm like, your mom's crazy. She goes, Little he told me about it.

SPEAKER_00:

I know, dude. She does.

SPEAKER_02:

She speaks clearer than anyone in the house, dude. The other day, dude, when she came home, she goes, I'd really like to repot my plant. I'm like, bro, you are so adult, dude. She's so like, she's still a kid, she's still like a kid at heart. She doesn't have that thing where someone's like, she's not trying to grow up too fast. She's just like very smart. Like, I'll try to say something childish to her, like while we're playing or something. She'll be like, I'm not a dragon. She was like, Okay, you know what? I didn't mean you're a dragon.

SPEAKER_00:

She did uh fuck up a word yesterday pretty bad. Like she was trying to um say memorizing. Yeah. And she was saying, I I didn't supersize it, mom. I read it. I was like, What? Yeah, I'm not supersizing it. I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. They do, they try words and you're like, nah, that's it. You go through TSA again. You can't bring that one through. Dude, do you think that and I mean this? Do you think that like sometimes because like kids like kids don't get as hurt? Because we're always watching them so we take care of them so they don't like understand stuff. Do you think sometimes when she gets like scary when we're all like don't do that or whatever? Do you think she's kind of testing the waters, or do you think she's just not thinking? Because the other day she scared me so much. Me and her were we she was like, we were like barely playing in like one space, then she started running around. I go, Hey, don't do that, you have a sucker in your mouth. And then she stopped and she was standing and she goes, she was standing on the bed and she goes like this, and then with the sucker in her mouth, puts both hands to her side and falls forward, and I go, No! And me yelling and her going like this, she slowed down, like put her and goes like this, and I was like, Marlo, dude, you almost fucking dark knight yourself. You almost did the Joker scene where it's like it's crazy, bro. So, do you think that like because you know her so well? Do you think that she's like seeing what she can do, or do you think she's just oblivious and isn't you because every time she gets hurt, she is shocked. Like she'll fall, and I'm like, Yeah, that's what happens when you run into a corner.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, no, no, no. I think she's it's a little bit of both. I think she's testing it. She's got an authority, not an authority issue, she just is testing it.

SPEAKER_02:

She's young, she definitely has an authority issue, but it's like the it's like punk rock, and it's like the most healthy one you're supposed to have. Like anytime you guys correct her, which I'm not just saying this for the podcast, it's very loving, it's very kind, it gives her space, and she'll be like, and be like, you can't cry. You're like this. You said that she goes, that's not why I am crying. I am crying because and she'll express herself and you guys give her space, and I always think that's sweet. Um, yeah, dude. I I think you guys are raised in a very cool, very, very like fun human being.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think I definitely lucked out on that. She came out uh uh that cool from the beginning.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't I I do I hear people say that sometimes with kids, but she I've seen so much of like Keen and her in you guys that it's like that's you guys too. So you can't just give credit to like you not if she would have just been born and lived in a field by herself, she wouldn't be doing all this. So you really do like help her and take care of her and like give her like the space to do it. Can I ask you, uh, I feel like I know the answer, so I don't think it's like that deep, but I've never asked you this. When we're all hanging out, is it helpful or not helpful when Marlo will like she'll get hurt in like a very trivial way, and you know she's not actually hurt, she doesn't need medical attention, she kind of just like was running and then like like hit her knee or something when she'll do that and I go, Hey, you're not allowed to cry, and she starts laughing, I go, see, you're faking it. And whenever I do that, and then she laughs and then kind of cries again and then says, Is that helpful, or am I kind of getting in the way? And you be as honest as you can because I'm not a parent. And so I always am trying to help, but also not trying to be like, help, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00:

I think the biggest thing is our reaction really, really judges her reaction, and me and Keen get so scared, so it's nice to have someone to make a joke of it. So I think that it always helps because she doesn't cry as hard. So when we, I don't know, when you were sleeping the other day and Marlo ran face first and fucking all the magnets fell on her feet.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Did you hear the scream she let out?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh yeah, I did. I heard that scream, but I thought you were. It was so loud it sounded like it was a joke. I thought she was joking. Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It was so that was such she panicked because me and Keen both ran to her, like, oh my god. And nobody was there to be like, ah, don't crap crap. And we were immediately like, you gotta go to the hospital.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Dude.

SPEAKER_00:

And I need to work on that because I don't want, like, I don't want her to be afraid and be like, oh, I'm hurt, I'm gonna die. Because she does ask for a band-aid for everything, but it does, it scares you when she tries to kill herself because she does.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Well, my parents were like that. My parents, like, my mom would, if like I got hurt, they'd kind of be like toughen up a little bit. But then also so you never got to understand like if you were hurt or not. So I always feel like if playing with something like that too is just fun or whatever, because yeah, I never that's like the last thing I want to do. I don't even like I don't even like correcting Marlo if it's for her safety. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like when we're hanging out and we're all like and she'll be like, hey, you want to jump on the trampoline? Like we'll be jumping, and then she'll like get to I'm like, hey, you gotta you gotta be careful or whatever, and she's like, and then I'll have to go, hey, I'm not like telling you what to do. Like, because I just I hate when I was a kid, nothing fucking pissed me off angry. If I if I was truly in the wrong and did something fucked up to like, you know, you like push a kid and an adult corrects you, I think that's kind of like a citizen's arrest, and that's fine. But whenever like uh an adult would just be like, Hey, you're being too loud, you're like, I don't know who the fuck you are. You know what I mean? Like, so I never ever ever do that. Even if I know you guys would want it, I'm always just like I get that's actually the cool part of not having kids, is that she honestly she kind of takes the brunt of it for me sometimes. So like if she's getting in trouble, she'd be like, You can't be running. I'm like, We really can't be running.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you started it.

SPEAKER_02:

You fucking can't be running, idiot.

SPEAKER_00:

Fucking dumb ass look what you did.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I really wish she'd stop running in the house. She gets hurt almost every time, but she's just on fucking a dead level.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, she does, yeah. She well, we and then she also like, dude, that's the only time it's like hard being a parent, I'm sure, is like, because you saw me the other day, and I couldn't calm down quicker than you guys whenever you said stop and she was going into the street because there was a car and she didn't. And I saw it, and I literally, dude, I swear to God, because I think I was sitting by Keen and you were by her, and you'll stop, and she didn't, and then everyone like lunged forward, and I swear to God, go, like I couldn't, like I I was like, dude, because that's that is just oh my god. And people drive so fucking fast by your house.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah!

SPEAKER_02:

That was a good one, dude. You have been you have been putting me to shame, brother.

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, I have this podcast is worth money now.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, could you send me that microphone?

SPEAKER_00:

I think that's great. No guarantee which hole it came from, though.

SPEAKER_02:

That one was the butt. If it wasn't the butt, that was crazy. You need to wipe both of them again. Oh my god. But uh, yeah, is there anything else you want to promote? And then maybe we'll do uh we'll do our dates and I might keep it at the end or put them at the beginning. Who knows?

SPEAKER_00:

No, we're just on tour. Keep up with us. Coming up on uh we're going to Appleton, Ohio's, Kentucky, Louisville's. I don't know the exact dates.

SPEAKER_02:

I do. You want to say them exactly?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you want to?

SPEAKER_00:

Sure. Yeah, let's get it out. You want to get him out for the facts.

SPEAKER_02:

Just get him out for the facts. Yeah. Okay, so this weekend, where can you see us, Cactus Tate?

SPEAKER_00:

We'll be at the uh Skyline Comedy Club in Appleton, Wisconsin, the 14th and the 15th of November.

SPEAKER_02:

And then November 18th, we will be uh doing our Ohio run, and on the 18th, we will be in Perrysburg, Ohio.

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm. Then Columbus and then Dayton.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. And then December 3rd, we'll be in Louisville, Kentucky.

SPEAKER_00:

Louisville, and then the fourth is uh Fort Wayne, yeah. Let me double check that. They definitely messed up the dates on the website the other day, so let me make sure that's not swapped.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, let's make sure that's not messed up right now. Let's check that out.

SPEAKER_00:

Fort Wayne on the third and Louisville on the fourth. They swapped it.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02:

Sorry. Also, I made a post and I'm not gonna change it.

SPEAKER_00:

Fuck it. I forgot that they attended that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, if you're you're you'll probably check.

SPEAKER_00:

The dates are right on the website that you purchased the ticket on.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, who knows if we'll even post. All right. All right. You guys are awesome. Thank you. Take care. Bye. Fuck you.