Ep 105: Bob's Not Eatting Bugs

The day starts with a jolt: I wake up on the wrong piece of furniture and my back files a formal complaint down both legs. From there, everything turns into an offbeat survival guide—how to stand when you can’t, why stretching is the new humility, and what happens when laughter is the only thing that keeps a pain spiral from eating the whole day. Along the way I confess my love-hate with AI, the climate guilt that had me one click away from ordering bug protein, and the ridiculous debate over Vans versus Hokas when your spine is calling the shots.

What really sent my body over the edge wasn’t a gym fail—it was kindness disguised as housework. I’m solo at a friend’s place, washing three dogs, steaming carpets, scrubbing patios, and trying to make home feel safe again after a rough patch. The chaos is funny until it isn’t; then a clean, sad dog curls up on a familiar blanket and reminds me why we do any of it. You can’t explain timelines to a dog, so you stand there and reassure him with a hand on his head and a promise you mean.

Between jokes and yelps, we get blunt about aging, posture, money stress, and healthcare math, including the time I Ubered to the ER instead of riding an ambulance. I talk about using humor like a tool, not a mask, and about the weird grace of limits—how your body sometimes says the thing your mouth won’t. If you’ve ever tried to be useful while everything hurts, or wrestled with doing the right thing without losing yourself, this one will feel uncomfortably familiar and oddly hopeful.

If you laughed, nodded, or felt seen, tap follow, share this with a friend who needs a messy pep talk, and leave a quick review so more people can find the show.

Chapters

• 0:00 Sciatica Panic And Planet Guilt
• 2:20 AI Love-Hate And Everyday Survival
• 5:05 The Back Spasm Morning From Hell
• 11:30 Shoes, Posture, And Pain Rants
• 16:20 Stretching, Nightmares, And Aging
• 22:05 Laughing At Pain Like Jackass
• 26:40 Gratitude Spiral And Limits
• 30:10 Tech Tangles And Crowd Work
• 34:10 Why My Back Actually Broke: Dog Duty

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:00

It's looped. It's okay, my back hurts too much to care. Hey everybody! Welcome back. It's another episode of Discombobulated, the only podcast where someone would pull their back out and still do an episode. Why? Because they have to. This episode is sponsored by your sciatica. What in the fuck is it? Why in the fuck does it hurt so bad? And the people with bad sciaticas, how are we still in the evolution chain? How are we still around? I guess that we're supposed to move around more, but this is what I'm supposed to do. So I'm right now I'm laying on my back and I got my my knees at like a 90-degree angle. That's what I have to do. Ow, fuck. Um yeah. I'm at that age. Gotta do the pod. Still also have to stretch your back. Also, I asked Chat GPT. I hate AI. I'm with you. I hate AI. But I'm also don't want to ask Google and it just uses its AI. I do kind of like when it doesn't vaguely talk to me. I like when it talks directly to me. Is it bad for the planet? Every fucking thing I do is bad for the planet. And I I would love I would love to help. But my back is sore right now, so I can't help right now. I can't help the planet. My back hurts. Um, Bobby, the earth hurts too. Mm-hmm. I'm so sorry. That's how we're starting the pod. Just being like, sorry, the planet hurts. How's everybody doing? My back hurts. Just like the planet. My mother, my mother earth hurts, so my motherfucking back. Guys, I'm like, I'm having sympathy pains for the planet. Ow. Fuck. Mother of God. Shit, my fucking body hurts. Guys, we've got to stop hurting the planet. I'm like Greta Thunberg, but if I did fucking nothing. What are you doing? God, I love so many people who are like, I don't do that. I don't do it. What are you doing? I can think of a thousand fucking bad things. We're all doing bad things. I was about to eat, I was about to eat bugs. Do you know that? I was I was at the point where I was trying to save the planet. I was like, let me not eat meat. Let me try to not even eat meat. Why are you not eating meat? It's because you think, you know, I don't, it's not even good for the plant. Do you know that? So it's like we keep killing them, but it's also not good for the plant. Don't know if you fucking thought about it. So I tried to do that and then tried to look up like the most ethical ways.

SPEAKER_01: 2:46

Pre-AI.

SPEAKER_02: 2:49

Got confused and almost started eating bugs. I looked up like bug protein. And I was about to get it like shipped to my house. Because they don't have that at like regular stores, I tell you what. I um, where do you keep bug protein? And they're like, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here, almost homeless guy, trying to make sense of it all. So I was like, I'm gonna eat bugs. And then I like I just kind of like took a breath and I was like, what the fuck am I like and hey, maybe that is the answer. I'm sorry, I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_04: 3:38

I'm not eating Bob's not eating bugs.

SPEAKER_02: 3:45

I'm sorry that the planet is gonna fucking just be so hot for so long. But I'm not unless I'm not eating mosquitoes. I'm I'm sorry. Oh my god. I'll pretend I'm gonna stop using AI first. I don't like I don't like the AI video. I like when AI like I like when we use it like Tony Stark, does it you know? Like I like when I'm like, how do I jerk off better? Hey AI, what what's what's a good way to come? Great question you asked, Bobby. I'm glad you asked about coming and jerking your stuff. Um but like I like that part of it, you know what I mean? Chat GPT, I'm spinning out in my car. What do I I'm glad you asked, Bobby. Oh, this happens a lot. You're gonna your insurance is gonna fucking skyrocket. Um so oh my god. Oh, fuck, that's fun. Um man, this really does feel good on my back. Uh to get my fucking knees up in the air, dude. I mean, I woke up. Here's so because here's what happened. I woke up on the like uh the kind of like they have like a I'm staying at Cactus Tate tiles and they have like this like a recliner kind of a couch thing, you know, where you lay in it and it's like and you lean backwards. Uh apparently that was the worst thing I could have done on my back. And I woke up and uh yeah, I like scream. You know when your back hurts so much that you scream? And if you're like no, well, good on ya. But I woke up and I was like, ah just fucking so bad. And then like was like, well, I have to go to the other bed because my back hurts. Like I've got I fell asleep out here because I was like trying to hang out with the dogs. That's a I'll get to that in a second. Because I'm I'm home, I'm home alone at their house. I'm taking care of their dogs while they are away. And uh yeah, I so I woke up and I was like, let me try to walk to the bed. And I don't know if you if you guys have never had sciatica pain or like I guess it's like where it is, I get it's like where my fucking where the top of my asshole tuck my crack is, where the top of my ass crack is, all the way down the left side, it started, then it's like that's where it's the worst, like right there is where it's the worst, and then it goes all the way down to your leg, which I asked Chat GBT, and apparently that's not good, that's not good. And now it's on my other side. It get you know what's so nice is that your body's like, hey, let me give you a break, and that's what its idea of a break is. It's like let me make the other side hurt instead because you fucking have to wear vans because you're 35 and you're like, I like these. And then but I'm like, dude, if I switch to fucking another pair of shoes and then those suck. A guy recommended Hokas. Listen, I don't like are my shoes on fire. I got the heater down there and something stinks. I just can't have that right now. I'm like, man, my whole body hurts. Oh, my shoes are on fire. Liar, liar, fucking shoes on fire. Um so yeah, like it hurts right there. And if you've never had like back pain, dude, good on you. And some people's upper back hurts. It's like the middle my body hurts, which I would say seems like the worst place of to hurt, right? Like right where it should bend and stuff the most. I already don't look cool. Like I've seen myself from behind. I have kind of like weird posture, which is probably why my back hurts. But I don't know, I was blessed with a fat ass, and I don't, I guess I just don't know how to stand with it or whatever. I don't really want to pump it out, and uh, I guess that's why it hurts. And I sit in cars a lot, so yeah, this whole thing hurts. So I like woke up and I tried to walk to bed. And if you've ever tried to like walk to bed where it hurts, like nothing's worse than going to where you're supposed to relax, and you just start like, dude, I just did that thing where I was like screaming and trying to be like, how do I even lay?

SPEAKER_04: 7:53

I can't even lay down.

SPEAKER_02: 7:55

Just oh my god, I can't. That's the word. You're just like, I do I sleep like on this? Do I sleep like I'm doing a cannonball? And then I dude, I've been doing I've been doing the stretches. That's what pisses me off the most. And I know I've been I sat in a car for like fucking, I would say two work weeks of a guy who'd be like, man, they've been running me ragged this week, and I've did I did eight extra hours this week. And then people tell me I they got I got they got problems, I don't have problems. Oh shit, no fucking, no, yeah. Um so uh yeah, my back hurts. I couldn't find no way to lay down, and then I woke up and I knew it was gonna hurt. And there's something about being a guy that like it's like I've been stretching. You know? I've been stretching so my back doesn't hurt. I've done the stretches. I've woken up, I fucking marched in place, opening up my shoulders to make sure my whole body's working out. I've been going to the fucking gym like a jackass. Do you know? Even when I played football, I didn't like going to the gym. I don't enjoy working. We could be living life. I hate it. And my back hurts, so I've been fucking taking care of it and doing the stretches. And now I got I'm at a point in my life. I'm at a point in my life where I wake up. That's how I have to start my day. Do you know how hard it is to have a nightmare? You're like, you have a nightmare, you're standing there, you're like at the altar, you're about to marry fucking Emily from high school, you're like, nah! You're so scared. Wake up, oh demon, paralysis demon. Thank you for actually keeping me still, paralysis demon. That's good for my back. Thank you, paralysis demon. Then you can't move. Then you wake up in a sweat because you ate pop tarts all night.

SPEAKER_04: 9:56

Then you wake up. Wake up.

SPEAKER_02: 10:00

Where the fuck am I gonna put on my backup? And you wake up and you your back hurts, and now I'm in a life where it's like I you ask AI and it's like maybe you start your day with stretching. I start my day with stretching. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Do you know how embarrassing that is? I'll just never I'm just never gonna fall in love. Just never gonna be able to like wake up next time and be like, God, you're so gorgeous. I'm not what are you crazy? What are you crazy? I can't start my start my day with stretching. I'll just I'll just scream and wake up really hard and get up and just have it hurt and then complain like everybody else. I'm not doing cat. I would rather I would rather so many fucking things happen to me than to be in bed waking up on a fucking full-size mattress. Just my life is in shambles, and I'm doing cat cow stretches in a fucking bed.

SPEAKER_01: 11:13

The bed stinks! I'm not doing cat stinks in her.

SPEAKER_02: 11:22

This is the song that never ends. It goes on and on, my friend. Honestly, that song can be fucking terrifying at times. Like right now. It's so scary.

SPEAKER_01: 11:36

Oh my god!

SPEAKER_02: 11:41

Dude, that's my new strategy, is uh when you I uh kind of inspired by the jackass movies. When you watch the jackass movies, almost anytime they get hurt, they laugh. And so I'm trying to like rewire my brain, you know. I kind of do the same thing um for Tatum's daughter. Like we'll be hanging out, and if she like does that thing where it's like she doesn't get hurt too hurt, we've talked about this before, but she'll like fall down, and if she's kind of like I'll be like, oh no, and I'll do something that like might get a laugh, like overreact or whatever, and then she'll laugh because it's like that's she knows me. She knows like I'm a fucking silly goose. So I'm like, no, no, but then she does that and she laughs. I go, no, no, no, you're hurt, you're not allowed to laugh. And so she'll like try to like figure it out. And so sometimes I'm like um like trying to rewire my brain um for myself too. So when it hurts so bad, all you can do is laugh. I guess. No, you can also scream at the top of your lungs.

SPEAKER_00: 12:41

Almost saying lyrics of a cancelled band. Oh, I can't do Standing on the roof. Aren't they canceled? Didn't that guy fucking I don't want to talk about that.

SPEAKER_04: 12:51

Oh my god, how do Okay, Giggle?

SPEAKER_02: 12:55

How do I stand up if I can't stand up? Okay, okay, Alexa, I can't move. And I can about yeah, I don't need you to call the ambulance, and I don't need you to call the hospital, but I do need to know how to get up right now. And I guess the answer would be to hold on to something right here and then pull myself up like Lieutenant Dan after he loses all of his legs. But instead. And you know what? Sometimes Thanksgiving just happened. You know what? I should be grateful. You know what I am? I am grateful. I'm so grateful that my back hurts. I wanted to slide under this truck, kick the jacks out from underneath, and have it fall on top of my body. I want to fucking have this truck slammed down on my chest. I want that. Is life too hard? Get under a truck and kick out the stuff that's holding it up. That's called potential energy. You can use science even when it's like there seems like there's no fucking getting out of here. When you're when life's scary, it could get scarier, and it always does. Um, so yeah, I should be grateful. I'm so grateful that my back hurts, and that standing up is hard because it is a reminder that I guess I've been pushing myself too hard, you know. Even though you might be behind, stressed, you're never too stressed to know, hey, you can't go that hard, bitch. I like when your body, like that's basically what my body's telling me.

SPEAKER_01: 14:35

It's like, hey! Enough.

SPEAKER_02: 14:40

And our body will tell us that, but we can't tell like any job we've ever had. I've always just you're we're always just like, I can't let him know I hurt.

SPEAKER_00: 14:49

Anyway, I have to just make sure if we were if we're not recording, I'm gonna I'm gonna scream.

SPEAKER_02: 14:55

If we're not recording, I'm gonna scream. I don't want to pull on a track because it isn't on the track, so anything could happen. Please.

SPEAKER_01: 15:09

Please, God, if you are real, you take my back pain away.

SPEAKER_02: 15:13

Uh, it still hurts. It would be actually insane if it just stopped hurting. Because I still wouldn't believe I'd be like, that's okay. Thanks.

SPEAKER_00: 15:24

Thanks, I'll go back to just beating that asshole. Gotta make sure this is a recording.

SPEAKER_03: 15:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 15:43

Fuck you, dude. Fuck you. Give me something to break. Good content. Good middle of the podcast content. Good content. Good content. You have to how'd you t how in the fuck did I tangle my pod? How in the fuck did I tangle my headphone so quick?

SPEAKER_02: 16:16

Dude, I have a video of me on stage that Tatum's like, you gotta share it. I'm like, well, I only really did it for everyone in the green room, but there was a there was a crowd that was unruly. And I was having fun with them too. Like we were laughing, but they were just unruly. You know what I mean? I was kind of the same way when I was a substitute teacher. You could be unruly. I'm like, we're still gonna have to. What am I gonna do? Get mad? What am I what am I gonna do? And so, I mean, I have got I I'll get mad uh if they're being too loud and I'm a like the feature act, and it's like someone else is gonna come up and you're like, You fucking, I'm sorry to be an asshole, but you have to stop talking. And uh what the fuck was I just talking about? Um being too loud, shutting the fuck up. Oh, they were being loud at that comedy club. Oh, and I had this uh stupid story, but uh I was just just like I did that scream. They were they wouldn't stop and I couldn't stop laughing. It went but I knew where the camera was in the room and it goes right to the green room, so I screamed just for them. And they said they weren't paying attention, and then they like, of course, because I was bombing. And uh, but they look and then I mean I killed actually, it was actually a really good show. I probably might have had the best set. No, it was who knows? Maybe I didn't, but then they go, uh and she looks up and she was like, I thought you were fucking something was going on. I was like, nah, everything was fine. Bob was a-okay, he was having so much fun, he liked to put out the scream sometimes. Give me someone to scream. I also didn't drink a lot of water. Whenever I really think about yesterday, it's like it is a little bit my fault. So, you know, I try to take uh I try to take accountability, but uh here's here's what happened. Is uh well there's a lot going on, and it's not really my place to, I don't think, share too much information or whatever uh right now. So respect. And um, but here's what happened. There's been a lot going on, and I am staying at Tatum's house by myself. Um, but it is not like in a um, it's not there's just a lot going. There's a lot going on. And so um I'm doing a lot here. Like I'm doing like Elf on the Shelf, all things that are super manageable. I'm trying to, I'm like want to finish their laundry for them, um, getting all their stuff done so that whenever they come home, they can just relax. But they you know, Tatum changed the course of my the trajectory of my life as a comedian. So um by taking me on the road, you know, uh got to do comedy like full time, so it's so sweet of her, you know, and there's uh there's always ups and downs in life and stuff, and right now we had a down, and um yeah, she's got a lot on her plate. So the other day I was like, I called Viv. I called the vivacious Viv, the the best, and uh that's her friend Viv who um lives by her, and so I was like, Viv, I hate to ask you this, but can you please come over? Could you please, please, please come over? And um I we don't have to do this, you can tell me whatever, but you know how to wash dogs, like it'll take me forever. I can help you if you want, but can we they have three dogs? And when they come home, I'd like if they could come home to it's no more rain, if they could come home to a clean house, clean dogs, because it's also been stressful because these dogs, dude, with hey, respect. Respect. But these dogs stink so fucking you know that smell like they stink so much that respect. But they stink so much they stin that whenever you'll like you pet them on the head and you'll be like, I'll barely I'll I'll use my fingertips and I'll try not to get into my you know what I mean? I don't know if you guys have sensory things like I do, but sometimes you'll try to touch something without touching something. And then you'll also kind of remember that. We kind of have this thing where we uh atoms and electrons can't ever they actually repel each other, so we can't ever really touch. So you're like, that's kind of what I'm doing. You know, I'm just kinda let my electrons like barely like kind of you're but even you'll be like and you're like, holy shit, these dogs stink, bro. So no offense, but they stung, and so I'm like, Can you please come over and help? So Viv came over and was a godsend. She did that, but while she was doing that, I was like, I have to, because as soon as she washed them, all of their beds are stinky because they've been stinky, they've been coming in and out. It was, you know, it's it's fucking hot here, and then lately the temperature dropped so much. So I bought these heaters so that in the garage where the dogs stay, they'll be warm. I let one of the dogs stay inside because he that he's he's sweet. There's levels of dogs, there's different levels of dogs that some are like they all have a different level. Like the one dog is like can stay inside, you just gotta watch out. The other dog you can kind of be looser, but probably stays in the garage. And then um the other dog that's like garage, kennel, don't turn your head, they'll eat the entire house. So there's different, like I've explained this before uh on the bonus episode, but they uh I would say these dogs are kind of like um like how someone has different like privileges at a prison, you know what I mean? And like they're treated well, they're well-treated dogs, but it's still like one of them's like, I'm getting out soon, I'm good behavior, you know, and the other ones are like, you know, I'm not doing good, and then there's one that's like in a mask, and it's like that's meat head. Um, so you gotta watch he is, he's like the cra, he's like, he's so crazy. Uh crazy. And then like the Dexter is sweet. You can like talk to him, you can just be like, no, go over there. And he knows like the other two dogs got to they go straight to the garage and he knows. He's like, I can go to this corner. I'm like, but you have to stay at that corner because you stink so fucking bad. He tried to get on the couch and I had to do that thing where I was mean to him. I wanted to be sweet, but I was like, he, it's an unit's an unredeemable stink. Like you couldn't, if it, if, if if the dog sits anywhere for it's done. So um, and I'm not saying of any of this stuff, I'll skim over it so it doesn't seem like I'm trying to be like, here's what I did, but I'm just saying that's why my back hurts. Is in a day I was like, I'm gonna clean their floors. I vac I shampooed and vacuumed all of their stuff all of their uh carpets and stuff because she had just gotten it and she had no time to use it. She was like, I'm excited to use the steamer. So I was like, I'll just do it for you because she has so much going on. Clean the carpets, get all this out of here. They're getting any pigs in here. I'm trying to get the smell out. Their dogs are getting washed, and so I'm like, I'm gonna clean everything. So I went out there because I was like, if they go in the back patio in the backyard, they're gonna immediately it stinks out there. Had to blow everything off. I cleaned it, I literally scrubbed it. I went back to my firefighting days, fucking fucking volunteer days, scrubbing the floors, scrub the floors. Came out here, clean the floors. You could eat off. You really couldn't eat off this. I don't know why people say that. It's a it's a concrete ground. There's something that you'll never be able to completely get out because it's not a plate. And so, but you can't eat off this, but you could touch it and lay down a little bit and then be like, it's a ground. So I cleaned all this shit, and then Viv is doing the dogs. I'm helping put the dogs in there, dude. It was it was such chaos at this house. Utter, complete chaos running around, and then I noticed my back started hurting. And here's the cool thing about your back because it can tell me that it's like I'm gonna start hurting, and I can tell it, guess what? You're gonna have to wait till tomorrow. And it didn't, it still hurt the whole time, but it you could like I was still moving if that makes sense. And so we're spraying off these dog beds because I'm like, they can't lay on the dog beds, do these dog beds. I'm not shitting on them, I'm just saying. So uh one of the dogs did shit on it. Uh, but I cleaned all the stuff, cleaned all their blankets, everything, and now I have to actually the the biggest problem is I have to clean their washing machine again because I got all the I was like, I know you have to get all the crud off, but they still had a lot of crud, so I have to now clean out their washer and dryer. But when they come home, they'll have a clean house and clean dogs because sometimes when you're you know trying to work on healing after a lot goes on, I was like, I want everyone to come home and have you know their dog be clean because it's kind of like like Dexter is like Tatum's, Meathead is Keen's, and then uh Kissy is um Marlo's because I remember one time Kissy got bit by a snake, non-venomous. We looked it up, everything's fine, but Kissy got bit, and we were like, what the fuck's going on? And we I was we were standing there after got bit, and uh Marlo saw that and heard it, and she goes, Kissy, and she looked at me and she was like holding Kissy, and she goes, He's my favorite dog. She actually goes, She's my favorite dog, and I'm like, Oh my god. So Tillisi um is her name. But um, I just I feel bad. I'm also pretty sure that's a girl, but uh yeah, um, yeah, I don't like check. Um, but yeah, so I just wanted them to all have their dogs when they came home and everything to be clean and stuff like that. It's literally the least I could do, but um that's why my back hurts and that I can't fucking move. And now also after the last night, I was like, dude, my hands are cracking because we're using bleach, we're cleaning everything afterwards because the dogs are fucking all over the house, and we cleaned everything and the dogs got to sleep inside. But the saddest thing is that like Tatum left and Dexter, her dog, misses her so much, it breaks your heart. Because he knows he can't get up on stuff. But we had there's like a chair where me and her have been doing her podcast, and there's a chair like for her and me, and they're like have a blanket where Tatum sits. And Dexter jumped up on the blanket and like was so snuggled up, and I walked by and he did that thing like a kid does where they're like, Please don't notice me. And I walked by and he doesn't stink anymore because they all got baths, everything's getting washed, and I started petting him on the head, and I was like, She's coming home, dude. It's okay. And you I dude when a dog is sad, it's so crazy because it's kind of like it's just like if you knew someone who was sad in like another language, you're just like, I don't even know how to tell you it's gonna be okay because you don't understand. So I'm just gonna have to stand here and just be like, oh law. But you say it with like a lot of love. That happened one time. I lady I was on a bus and a woman got the shit kicked out of her. We were like all like on a bus, and all of a sudden a woman just started getting her ass kicked by another woman on the bus. And it was pretty obvious like who was in the right and wrong. You know what I mean? Like, I you're you we're all on the bus. We all see like someone got on the bus and started screaming, and then another lady was just sitting on the bus. The person sitting on the bus was not the person who was kicking the other person's ass, it was her. And like we were sitting there, and I had just donated plasma, so I was like falling asleep because my body's like, we needed that. And so I I remember I uh yeah, just I woke up and I was like, what the fuck? And this woman's just fucking I mean, and every hit is connecting. It's like every like I just that like that Joe Rogan meme of like all of them be at the UFC fight, like, holy shit. That was like we got up and we like all tried to help, and we all like threw her like off or whatever, and you know what I mean? We were all like, get off of her. We wish I wish more women were helping. This wasn't all men fight between two. This doesn't this feels bad and good at the same time. It's like like you know what I mean. You're like, I'm helping or this, but you you know what I mean? Like, I'm not trying to mansplain who should be fighting, like but I mean it's this not funny situation. I'm trying to find the light in how this was one of the worst things that had ever happened in front of my eyes. And uh I've seen a lot, but that was one of the and so we uh why did I have to why did I have to add that? And so I remember the she they stopped the bus, she runs off the bus, everyone chased her. Every everyone chased her, and again, I was just like, but I was the only one that stayed with that lady, but she didn't speak English, and so I do remember the only thing I said was I had like a thing of water, and it might have taken like two sips out of it, but I was like, I I think in this scenario, I think water is like I think you know what I mean. And like, and so I was like agua, and she like was sh dude, she was so scared. She like couldn't even like look at me, and I was like, I know I everything's I wish I I had three years of this, I had three years of Spanish, and right now I can't help at all. I'm like, Agua? I that's all I know, and I know like it's scared of Derecha, but I'm like, I don't know how to be like, are you all derecha? Um they didn't know what to say, so I gave her water and she couldn't even like drink it and stuff, but like I remember then like everyone came back and like no one even came back on the bus to like check on her. And eventually I was like, can did someone call an ambulance check? Because I'm literally with her, and they were like, Oh yeah, and they were like calling 911 to like complain about like the like the other lady, and I'm like, that's what's so weird I think about our society is it's like we want to help like pluck and point the fingers, but um, dude, these are like there's victims that need to be helped anyway. That's probably me projecting, but um I didn't that was what I was saying, is like yeah, that's so it's like that these dogs you don't know how to like they don't speak English, so I don't know how to like let them know everything's gonna be fine. Meathead's fine, he's just like he's like a what kind of I don't know what kind of dog he is. He's like a one of those like he's a little one, but a big one. He's like his face is so big, but uh his body's so small that when he lays on the ground, he never like he doesn't even know what his paws like if they can't, they don't I don't think he can lay down. I've seen him sit and he can just squat. Um so you know, you kind of feel bad for that guy because he can't do it, you know, can't like get comfy like that or whatever. Which why don't we kind of only do that to dogs? We don't really breed cats like that. Like cats can only get bred where they all still jump, move around, or whatever. Like every once in a while they're bald. Um, but we don't have like I don't really think there's like a cat that's like, oh, it's a really long and its legs are fucking that short. Because I don't think cats would have that. Like when the DNA tries to get made like that, they're like, you know, and dogs like, we don't care, whatever you want. You want us to be your best friend with short legs, I'll be your best friend with short legs. You want me to be your best friend and have long hair?

SPEAKER_01: 30:32

I'll fucking have long hair.

SPEAKER_03: 30:34

What do you want me to do? I'm your best friend.

SPEAKER_01: 30:38

That's the energy of dogs. Um oh my god.

SPEAKER_03: 30:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02: 30:45

Now, am I have I been in this position now too long? Uh maybe. Maybe. Oh my god.

unknown: 30:55

Oh my god, oh my god.

SPEAKER_02: 30:58

Tell people I'm sore. You should get a massage. Do you fucking know what money comes from? Dude, I love when people like say stuff about being a comic, they'll be like, Well, do you have like you own something? I'm like, I don't own anything. Uh do you do a well, do you go to the gym? I go to the gym. That's like my health care. What do you when's the last time you've been to the doctor? The doctor? The doctor? You crazy? The doctor? Uh I go to the doctor when I can't, when I'm my fucking can't, you know.

unknown: 31:31

Ow!

SPEAKER_02: 31:32

When something on my body physically doesn't work. I broke my elbow. Okay, we have to go, I guess. But I did take an Uber to the oh dude, I god, that was so smart of me. It was my decision. My friends were getting an ambulance. Hey, right thing to do, yes. Also, wrong thing to do. And they're like, hey, we got an ambulance. I was like, cancel that. Cancel that ambulance 16 minutes away. Um, yeah, how come Uber does that first and they don't do it with an ambulance like five minutes away? Um maybe they do now. I haven't been a firefighter in a long time. Um, you could, if you have an ambulance, you could do a share, you go side by side, and it'll save you money. But I say I was like, get an Uber, and we took an Uber, and the guy was actually cool. Like, he was like, Whoa, is he okay? I was like, I'm not at all, and I won't throw up in your car, but you gotta drive really fast and watch out for that speed bump. Oh my god, it hurts.

unknown: 32:25

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_02: 32:27

Oh my god, motherfucker. I hope you're back as well. And I know, dude, and guess what? I know there's a lot of other things that could be going wrong in my life. I know a lot of people have other hardships. I'm not saying um anything, I'm just on the podcast, and this is how my body currently feels, and it feels just as weird and rude and crazy to be like, I'm fine. I'm not, but if I fall, I will laugh now. I will try. I want to be that guy. I want to be that guy that falls and lasts, like Johnny Knoxville, pissing blood, going, isn't this crazy? But I'm not. I get a splinter and I'm like, yo. Oh. Oh, I'm gonna be in like strong and being like exerting myself. But once it hurts, ooh, baby. Ooh, baby, I gotta have to stop. I think we're gonna have to stop the putt. I think we, I think, yeah, I think we've done it long enough. Um, thanks for listening. Thanks for um all the love. Uh, please join the Patreon. I need it. Um my sciatica needs it. Uh join the Patreon. Tell your friends. Don't I mean no who the fuck does that? No one does that. I just listened to this podcast. No one. What? Like, oh my god. Hey, tell a friend. Dude, what dude companies will be like, we'll give you a hundred dollars if you tell your friend, I'm like, I don't tell my friends anything about my life. If you tell your friends something about your life, you're sick. I actually signed up for sticker mule. Oh, really? The guy's a right-wing nut job. The guy, you buy stickers from sticker mule, and they're like, Do you want hot sauce? They're like, what the fuck are you talking about?

SPEAKER_04: 34:28

Who asked for hot sauce, sticker mule guy? Also, who asks for your political beliefs? Stickers.

SPEAKER_02: 34:38

They're fucking stickers. They are stickers.

SPEAKER_04: 34:44

Why are we the president got shot? They stick on one side, and the other side is holographic.

SPEAKER_01: 34:58

I don't need to get an email about the fucking Epc file.

SPEAKER_02: 35:07

And a hot sauce. And then be like, you know, we do t-shirts.

SPEAKER_04: 35:14

Why were you talking about the president? And you just get just got t-shirts on demand. They're not even a good price. The price sucks.

SPEAKER_02: 35:25

Dude. I actually just ordered some um before I got on here. I did order some stickers and I fucked up. I did the wrong uh stickers, and I was like, can you redo this? And they were so nice about it, but they were like, please vote right, please vote for Republican. We'll actually fix your proof. Just promise us that you'll never vote Democrat again. Swear.

SPEAKER_01: 35:47

Swear right now, and we'll screenshot this and we'll send you an extra bottle of the fucking it's it's not even like good hot sauce.

SPEAKER_04: 36:01

Why it's the the hot sauce takes up more space?

SPEAKER_02: 36:06

Sticker meal, what the fuck are you doing? And I know that, dude, you know there's people that are on the board that are like we've we've tried to tell them. We woke up, I remember I was sleeping, and my wife woke me up and she was like, babe, did you I got it?

SPEAKER_03: 36:21

I just got an email. What? What? What? I just got an email. And it says that um that the president was shot me. Like, what what time is it? It's fuck it's fucking it's 3 a.m.

SPEAKER_02: 36:42

It's not the time the president, but anyway, but my point is is that they that's like that's sticker meal. And that's some guy who works with me is like, are you fucking he sent that out? Oh my god. And he went to the meeting and he like brought it up and he's like, You don't think that's important? You don't think that's important for people slapping sticks around town? Fucking stickers are everywhere. We're so influential in who we vote for. It's we're sticker mule. We're sticker mule. Vote right or die. Blue Lives Matter.

SPEAKER_04: 37:17

Fucking stick it on a to your a fucking Yeti cord.

SPEAKER_02: 37:25

All right, that's the pod. Love you. Take care. Bye.

SPEAKER_04: 37:32

How do I get up?

SPEAKER_01: 37:52

I can't I can't cow, I can only cow.