Ep 117: Domino's in War Times

The wind in Oklahoma isn’t background noise. It’s a loud, invisible bully that yanks car doors, knocks you off balance, and somehow makes you question your entire personality. I’m outside trying to record in peace when a fisherman sets up nearby, and it spirals into a bigger thought about what people do for fun, what we pretend to understand, and why “self-sufficient” always seems to end with somebody asking, “You guys want Dominoes?” 

Then the real chaos hits: customer service culture. I walk into a Waffle House polite and hungry, and the vibe is instantly hostile like I just interrupted someone’s personal break ritual. Getting told to “fuck off” as a running gag sounds funny until you’re stuck in that awkward space where you can’t clap back, you still tip, and you leave wondering why spending money feels like you’re bothering people. It turns into a brutally honest rant about tipping culture, manners, and how exhausting it is to try to be normal in public. 

We also hit Planet Fitness for a snapshot of modern gym life: rules posted everywhere, zero enforcement, and an oil-covered dude making the equipment feel like a slip-and-slide. I try the hydro massage chair hoping for relief from sciatica and walk away realizing expensive gadgets can still deliver disappointment with perfect confidence. By the end, the jokes get quieter and the point gets sharper: people are going to be people, adult promises don’t hold, plans fall through, and the only move left is choosing how I see it and how I breathe through it. 

If you like raw comedy, travel rants, Waffle House stories, gym absurdity, and real talk about anger and perspective, press play, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review so more weirdos can find us.

Transcript

Oklahoma Wind And Door Fiasco

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Oh my god, clap it off my dick area. Hey everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back to another episode of Discombobulated. We are here in Oklahoma. A place so windy you know it pisses you off. As soon as it hits you. Because you think you felt wind before, you know what I mean? You think you really feel like you felt wind before. And then sometime a gust of wind will come by that makes you feel like you're like, I feel like you should have asked for consent before you blew. I felt you inside of me. I almost killed myself with my own car door. And then I also tried to hold the door open for a lady, and you could tell as soon as I went to go hold it because it yanked my arm out of socket. It yanked my arm out of socket, and then I went, boom. And then so I stood there and I tried to like let her like hold it and like let her pass. And she was like, I can get it. And I go, okay. And I let go of the door and she about passed away. She went, whoa! And she goes, Oh my god. That door was I go, yeah. And I just kept walking. Chivalry's not dead. No, but you did just kind of fucking choke it out a little bit. You did just kinda chivalries, no, yeah. Well then fucking maybe treat a maybe you'd be nice to the Shival. Um So yeah, I mean dude, it is liter it is so windy. It is so windy that it I've never the only thing I've been mad at that is invisible is um the wind and God because it'll put things in your life that you just didn't expect. You're like and then other people are like you should be grateful, you should be grateful for the wind. I'm like, you know what? Then fucking, how about it how about it blows you how about it blows in your face? And then it does that thing when you walk where it almost knocks you off, and you're like, I'm not as strong as wind. And when it hits you, you can't even do anything. Which because even if you hit it, it's that's not the wind that hurt you. That's what's so crazy. The wind that hurts you is fucking way fucking so much farther away from you. That gust of wind that hit you, you try to I'll try to I'll try to hit that. I'll try to hit that fucking wind, but it's fucking it's way back there. You can't even you're you're mad at the you're mad at the wrong wind, not at me. You're mad at the wind, not at me. I forgive you. Um Yeah, and then uh I was about to set up my podcast, but then a guy started fishing down here. And I guess we're both fishing. I'm like fishing for content, he's fishing to I don't know what they do, because some people fish and then throw it away, but I would never do that with my content. I would never sit here and make a podcast and then go, hmm, just like fucking just walk up and go, hmm, that was a nice podcast, and then fucking throw you into the water, and then throw you, and then throw you into the water, see? No, but they'll do that, they'll fish, they'll go, god damn, and then they just throw it back, and I'm like, okay. It doesn't exist in comedy, no one really does that. Like at a guy's an open mic, they don't do the joke, they're like, I just like doing jokes. So like that joke deserves to be on stage, and you better pay me. I'm like, well, I've never met you, and I don't know why you're talking to me like this. Hi, my name's Todd. Oh, dude, I met a guy the other night that when I shook his hand, I've been getting this one a lot because I know I talk fast and I do think I talk loud, so I try to combat both of those, but sometimes I don't know. I guess I should just talk like I normally talk. Because the other day I met a guy and I go, hey man, what's your name? And first of all, I've never seen this. There's sometimes when you can tell when a guy's being a tough guy that you're like, alright, and I shook his hand, and when I went to shake his hand, I was like, hey man, nice to meet you. What's your name? He goes, No, what's your name? I was like, Okay. And I had just said it because I had just said hi to my friend. I go, hey, what's up? And I go, hi, I'm Bobby, but I guess he didn't hear me. And then he goes, No, what's your name? I go, and I was gonna be like, I just said it, so I just said it again, I go, Bobby, and he goes, Body. And I was like, you think my name is the body of Christ? You think my name is Body? You think my name is Body? I've gotten Bopy recently. Bobby, that one makes more sense. I do look like a guy whose name would be Bobby. You're like, hey, everyone can identify as they want, and that guy is named after probably his dad, and he wanted to change it to something else. So now he's Bopy. Bopy gay cocks.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

This is how we do it.

Dominoes In The Apocalypse

Waffle House Service War Stories

SPEAKER_01 5:20

But yeah, there was a guy down here fishing or whatever, and he was like throwing his net in, but he kept turning around and looking at me, and I'm like, bro, I'm giving you the I'm giving you the area. I'm letting you come down here and fish. You can at least fucking let me wait until you're done fishing, and I'll come over here and do my podcast. Throw my fucking microphone into the water. Yeah, dude, I don't know. There's just a couple things that like, and I know women do it too, but this as far as things that guys do, I do not give a fuck about going fishing. I don't give a fuck about fishing. I don't give a fuck about skinning it and eating it. I don't like maybe when I get older, if like I'm bored, but like, dude, I'm not that bored. And then also if you like need to eat it, you don't. Because you had to buy a fucking rod and a reel, and those things are expensive. Unless you're s unless you literally have a stick and a fucking rope on it. Not even not even a dental floss that you've had for years. Dental floss that you've had for years, you fucking and then you throw it out there with a hook you made out of your own fingernail. So you have a fucking stick, floss, one of your own fingernails, and you throw that out there, and that's then you could catch it. That's the cheapest way you could do it. Other than that, you probably have to have a fucking rod and reel, a real one from a store. And I don't know how much they are, but even the one that I had when I was a kid, the Batman one, I'm sure that ain't fucking free now. Everyone pretends they know. You're supp I I remember one time I like doing this, like you're really not supposed to do it with this kind of fish. I was like, oh, okay, quite I'm just gonna pretend that whenever I catch it, I'm not scared as fucking shit to touch it. You're scared of the fish? No, I'm not scared. I know they're not gonna bite me, but I just don't like how they feel. Oh, I caught one. Oh, no, it's just a rock. Damn it. I mean, that's what is that? What is that about? And then it's like if you that's one kind of being a guy, you could do that, or girl, you could, but mostly the guys I know were the ones who were fishing. And then I knew a couple girls like, oh, I love fishing too, and I'm like, I've never seen you do it without Kyle around, so it's interesting. Um But I don't want to do that, and I don't want to hunt. Like, I don't even like ordering at a restaurant, dude. Like, I don't so if I don't even like ordering at a restaurant, I'm like, I don't want to, I'm like, oh, can I get some more w I don't want to? Like, I don't want to fucking just so I can eat all winter and then still eat dominoes. That's the thing. Everyone's like, oh, it's way more humid, it's so much better and everything. But everyone I know who has their own meat at home, also, I've been at their house and they got that freezer full of the meat, and then they they're like, oh, I forgot to thaw it out. You guys want to get dominoes? And then you make a guy who works at dominoes get in his truck, go out, he has to kill an animal and bring it back by the time that the dough's ready to go. The world goes to shit, and people are like, I still want dominoes. Like, fuck, dude, I gotta go make sausage, I gotta go kill stuff mixed together. Luckily, I'm on pie duty. I don't want to fuck him. Yeah, dude, if the world ended, we would still be like, is I would like literally you would know that war hit like this soil, and you would have people being like, that's fucking crazy. I can't believe my phone doesn't work. How do we get dominoes to us then? I'm just wondering how we get dominoes right now. Aren't you wondering that? Because I'm wondering how we get some dominoes in war times. You guys want to do a half and a half? It's war. We should just honestly, I can eat I don't really want olives. Okay, no, we are gonna do a half and half. No, because that's well, that's actually what we're fighting for. We're actually fighting for not having olives on our pizza. So yeah, no, you can get it on your half, but again, I'm gonna get it on my half. I'm not gonna get that fucking shit. Do you ever order a pizza with someone and they do that where you're like, I don't really care, and you think you know who they are, and then they turn, they're like, Can you put rocks and tires and fucking throw up and fart on it? And you're like, um, okay, can you do half that and then just I'll take pepperoni and sausage? Yeah. I want grass and piss and someone to rub their nuts on it. And I don't want marinara sauce. I want tar. What? I want tar and peppers on my tar and pepper my pizza. I tar and feather and pepper my pizza. You put feathers on it, you put tar on it, and you don't bring it over here until it's so hot it hurts. I wanna burn my mouth with the tar and the pizza. Um yeah, anyway, what the fuck was I talking about? Um oh yeah, dude, and I I really do because I don't want to hunt for my food, but I also don't like going to a restaurant. Like, dude, last night I went to a I went to a waffle house, and you know what? You know what? You know what does suck is uh there are times when you're there are times when being nonchalant and trying to be nice does backfire on you. And it backfired me on me at a waffle house because I walked in and there was already like two people in there, but then there's also three employees. So I walk by and the guy goes, What's up? I go, Hey, what's up? How are you doing? He goes, A lot better until you fucking walked in and I was like, Okay. I was like, is this an Ed to Bevic? Do you guys remember those? Like places you walk in, they're like, What's up, fucking dipshit? And you're like, Okay, what?

SPEAKER_00 11:23

They like fucking kick you in the chest. Okay, I guess I'll get a pizza. Oh, this little guy wants a pizza. Get him the little guy pizza hat.

Planet Fitness Oil And Hydro Massage

Vultures Bird Poop And Superstition

SPEAKER_01 11:32

I remember my aunt took me one of those, and that's only fun when you're a kid. Like, who the fuck would I would literally swing on someone if I they took me to an Ed to Bevics now and I didn't know what was happening. That's how I felt that this Waffle House. The guy was like, I was like, he's like, oh, a lot better since before you fucking walked in. And I laughed because I was like, okay, that's a joke. It should probably end here. And he's like, he doesn't come over right away, and then he goes, Hey man, what do you want to drink? And sorry, sorry, sorry. Dude, this is so important. So I walk into the Waffle House, and the guy goes, Hey man, fuck off. Like that's pretty much what he said. Like, I go, I walk into a Waffle House, and I was like, Hey man, what's up? And he was like, Not much. I was doing a lot better before you're walking in. That's what happened. The guy goes, I was doing a lot better before you were walking in. And I was like, okay. And I saw he had a what is like a black and mild in his hand. I was like, okay, dude. Well, I was like, if you want to go smoke that, you can just come back and take my order in a second. He goes, No, I'll get you now. Whatever, man. I go, okay. And I do know this is a waffle house, but it is still an establishment. I didn't knock on someone's door and ask him to make me fucking eggs. So I go inside and excuse me. So water and a coffee. I s throw water and a coffee, and he brings it over and then leaves and goes to smoke. And then the lady, they were like, Did you want to order? I was like, I did want to order. So I order food, they figure it out, and then he comes back and he was like, Hey man, do you he walks by and go, Hey man, can I get some more water? He goes, fuck off. Like, do you know what's crazy? Is a guy telling you to fuck off. And like, I can't be an asshole back because then it'll be like, dude, I'm just joking. I'm like, yeah, me too. But then I also can't not tip him because I can't do that. Like, I just don't know how to not tip somebody. Because I like, I don't, I'm not gonna, I just feel bad for them, and I know they're working, and whatever their thing is, they judged my face. And by the time I left, he was nice, but it was probably because he knew I was about to tip him. But you just you go into a waffle house expecting something. No, but I just couldn't believe that he told me to fuck off at every single avenue. Then I was like, oh, sorry, I'm here. Hey, I'll take your order. You can go smoke. Don't literally leave. He did leave. Like they brought me my food, he wasn't even there. I was like, finished with my food, and I was like, hey man, I get some more water. He's like, oh, I guess. I'm like, what the fuck? And then so he brings over the water, and then he's like, you know what you should have said to me is you should have told me to fuck off. And I was like, you know what? No, because I'm hungry and don't want to do that. I don't know, dude. I just I fucking I honestly I don't like self-checkouts on it like that, but I'm about to be like at a restaurant. I don't want to have a server. Because every time you go, because also you'll be like, hey, how's your day going? They're like fucking not great. You'll be like, okay. Well, that doesn't make me want to order chicken wings. Um, I guess I'll just go somewhere else. I don't know. I just feel like everywhere I go, I'm just like, am I bothering? Am I bothering you by bringing you the money to for you doing the job? Like, because I don't do that at a comedy show. Like when someone comes out to the show, especially when they're doing everything right, like hello, I'll be respectful. I don't go, what's up, dipshit? And they're like, and then at the end, I'm like, you should have told me to fuck off. They're like, I would have, but I didn't know that. I thought I wasn't supposed to do that. So anyway, I don't know. It just was funny. And then by like by the time I was like going to pay the guy loot, say, Oh fuck, I'm not even doing my job. I'm like, you know what, you're not? And I've worked at one of these jobs, but the thing I've never done is told uh customer, fuck off. So that was cute. Um Waffles, send me a coupon. No, I'll just go eat at you again right now. Um totally different staff, same exact floor plan. Uh oh, dude. And then I oh dude, I just went to uh I just went to work out. I went to Planet Fitness. And uh I don't know the last time you guys have been to a Planet Fitness, but they have all these signs around that say like you can't work out in like your boots, or you can't work out in like like fucking see-through shoes or whatever. And so then I was like, oh, okay, well, I won't. That's I'm never I you know I have like gym clothes, but then I looked around and dude, they are not enforcing that rule. I saw a guy literally get off an oil rig and go on a bench pass, and after he did the dumbbells, he like went like this, and I went to go grab that dumbbell, my hand kept slipping off, probably because it was too heavy, but like it just it was crazy, dude. Guy covered in oil, just fucking doing dumbbell flies with his chest with the oil, and then like goes to wipe it off. You see, you hear a sizzle because those like elements aren't supposed to fucking I know they're not elements, but I the oil and the fucking solution that cleans the everything. So that was those guys were there. I'm trying to like grab onto the bar, I'm slipping off. Um but then after I was working out, I like I saw these signs that say like if you have a black card, you can go like do like the hydro massage thing. And I've I've never tan, I think maybe I've tanned once at a planet fitness, maybe. But I was like, dude, let me try to see what these like massage chairs are like because I saw a guy like enjoying himself in one. I was like, I'll try it out. It feels like um, you know, when someone's giving you a massage and you're like, I you you add they're like, let me know if I should go harder, and you're like, you for sure should go harder. And then they go harder, but they don't have any form. Then that's a little bit what this hydro, that's a little bit what this chair that's probably a hundred thousand dollars to invent or whatever, like just goes up the your whole body goes gets here. Oh, by the way, okay. And then by the way, if you liked heated rivalry, you're gonna love the hydroponic chair or whatever at the fucking it goes right here. It kind of honestly it stopped there for like a little, I feel like it stopped there for longer than it hit my calves or my back. My ass was getting get out of the way. I was getting fucking hockey heated rivalry in my I was getting getting love nutted or whatever you those guys call it in the show. I don't know, I watched that show on mute, but whenever it just was there, and I was like, So I was like, that's that I didn't know. I kind of so I flipped over and fucking taught that chair a lesson or two. But no, it did, it fucking and then I knew it was so stupid, and by the time I was done, I felt dumb because it was like I had laid there for 10 minutes and just had water shoot on my back, and I felt pretty much exactly the same. So I don't know, maybe I'll try it like three more times, hoping it'll fix my sciatica. I'm like, well, I don't really have good health care, I can't go to the doctor. Maybe Planet Fitness will fix me. And if not, then I'll ask that guy with all the oil on his clothes where he works and if I could get a job there. Please. What a lovely fucking view, right? Do you guys see that? Do you guys fucking see that? Not if you're listening on audio, I tell you what. But it is just it is lovely here in Oklahoma. I mean, literally so windy. I can't wait for the wind to not be here. And I know then I'll miss it, and then it'll be hot, and I'll wish it was windy, but it's I've had an abusive relationship with the wind right now, and I'm fucking over it. I'm ready for a break wind. I'm ready for a wind breaker. Breaker breaker 19. Oh my god, look at that beautiful vulture. You can't because it's over there.

unknown 19:14

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Fucking fly like a vulture. Oh, okay. That doesn't. Oh, I thought he was gonna hit the trees, dude. He is a bird, he knew how to fucking negotiate that not happening to him. What else? Yeah, weird waffle house. Still tip 20%. Even like clean- I always like clean up myself. Also, oh dude. I don't even know. I'm just complaining. But then the guy came over too, and he was like, Can I take your can I take your hash bronze out of the way? The ones that I haven't touched at all. And I said no. And then he goes, So to recap, because I'm gonna clip it this way. I go to a Waffle House, the guy says, I can't fucking believe you're here. I was like, okay. Walk into a waffle house, the guy goes, I was about to go on my break. I'm like, you can still go on your break. Just give me a water and a coffee. No, I'm not, I don't I literally don't want to tell. I think my ear whatever like thing in your brain is, whenever I can tell that I'm on my podcast, I want to start like doing a bit that I'm like trying to think of, it like won't let me. There's like something about it that like I'm like, then it's like then do it for stand-up. That's not what the podcast is. The podcast is looking at a vulture and going, I mean, you guys would literally fucking shit your fucking whole family out of your ass if it happened to. Oh my god. I mean, I don't I mean all you guys don't believe me, but it's like literally right above me. Shits right on me. If it did, if this bird shits on me, that is where I would have to be like, oh, that isn't that good luck? That's what people say when something bad happens. Like a bird shits on you, it rains on your wedding day, and people are like, Isn't that good luck? You're like, sounds like you're just trying to make me not cry. Which I have gotten shit on before by a bird. I was skateboarding with my girlfriend. I turn around, I was like, hey, you doing okay back to oh my god, what's on my fucking shirt? And I saw it come from the bird too. I was looking, I was like, why is that shadow and why is it landing? I swear it got but I can do that with my spit too. Wait, I don't know if that's in frame, but there's a little right white rock on this rock. Oh my god. The biggest chunk, the biggest chunk is right by it.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

That is not that you know what can happen.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Oh my god! Dude, I'm about to dude, I really am about to crack my back one of these days. If someone looked over here, they would think I was trying to heated rivalry myself, which I don't say gay anymore. I say heated rivalry because that's the everyone that thinks that's the epitome of what being gay is is not playing hockey. And I thought there'd be a little hockey in it when I And even when there is, you can just tell that they're at a local anyways.

Breathing Through Anger And Reality

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Um Good God, get out the way, you bought them federal but uh what was I gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 23:43

I know there was one more fucking thing I wanted to tell you, Thutius, about besides sign up for the Patreon immediately. Um I don't know. Uh oh my god. Life is so stupid. Life is so stupid and silly. I uh can't figure out anything, but you know what's the best is you do always have to realize that maybe it's how you're you're perceiving things. Do you know what I'm saying? And that's where I'm kind of at. I've realized that I'm like how I'm perceiving things and how I'm doing stuff is just never going to be uh accepted or part of the norm or whatever, so I can either be mad and be myself or be like, that's just not how the world works. So the fact that I know that now, um, I am like getting adjusted to being like, but you promised, and that's okay, because promises don't mean anything with adults. It's literally a kid's game. I don't care if we've talked about a thing and we thought it was gonna do, and we almost we even had a fucking thing almost, but it's we'll just and you probably think the song is about you, but it's not, it's about a lot of things. Um Yeah, this is the final conclusion where Bobby kind of just wraps up his the things he's been breathing through, and even though he might be bipolar or have anger issues, he breathes through them. And today, I dude, I breathed through three things that would make anyone unreasonably mad. Like someone, you know, the the amount of times that you I'm driving and someone let me over, and there's someone on the road, I'm like, we could kill someone, and then they don't they don't get over, and you're like, oh, you fucking uh but you can't make them care about you can't they and then what they'll do this is this is what you you gotta learn, Bob, and anyone else who listens and might have a mentality similar to me. The person who doesn't get over to help out everyone else is the same fucking person who, whenever something does go awry, is gonna go, I had I thought I was just in my own world. But then when they get in trouble, or if they're upset at someone, if someone else gets in their way, even then they're like, you can't no, it's fine. So those people have inherited the earth. I don't know what to tell you. I thought it was gonna be people who'd like broke away from religion and were a little gay, but it's not. It's it's not. It's people who are zoned out on the highway, and then what they're so zoned out because they're probably telling someone that they're like, you know, I'm actually a pretty good person. I'm actually such a good person that I uh oh, I always do that. Yes. And then the you'll watch them not do any of those things. And then something happened, they go, What?

SPEAKER_00 26:53

I chu.

Sex Silence And Sciatica Groans

Cancelled Plans And Sunset Acceptance

SPEAKER_01 26:56

And then a guy like me will be like, Yeah, you're fucking stupid and dumb and whatever. And then I call them out, and then now that person doesn't like me, but you know who still hangs out with them? Everybody else. It's about a lot of things in my life, and I don't give a fuck. It's my podcast. What are you gonna tell me I talk on my own podcast? Suck my fat thing. It's not very big. That's always what I that's always what I say if like I'm like trying to sound cool. I go, I'm like, it's like, yeah, if I'm I'm yeah, I've gotten my dick sucked before, but I go, yeah, suck my dick. Um but it's like fine. Yeah, suck my dick. No, I never talk like that. I've had a girl say that I don't I don't talk um I don't really talk during sex at all. I'm pretty quiet during sex. The loudest I am is when I get out of bed because of my sciatica. So I will rock your world in positions that don't hurt my sciatica. And then I'll get up and go, ah. Oh, making a lot of noise in that bedroom. Yes, standing up. Yes, standing. Yes, standing up with my dick hard. You would think my dick being hard would help pull my sciatic into the right place, but it you would think it would work both ways, but it doesn't. Anyway, nothing new here. Nothing new to see here. Nothing new. Nothing new to me. Oh god. Um yeah, dude. I think that's it. That's we got like two minutes before I am hungry enough that I have to go eat for the first time today. Um yeah, final thoughts is that people just gonna be people. You can't be mad at them. And then what's crazy is I had already done that a couple years ago. I already like there were so many things that were making me mad about so many people. So many things. And then I let them go and I tried to still, I was like, I'll be a better person. But when you are a better person, all you're leaving the room is for other people to do. If you go out and collect trash, all you're gonna do is make other people be like, oh, there's no trash. I only there was only a little trash today, but no one sees all the work you did picking up the trash. I don't think that makes sense, but makes sense to me, but um, yeah, I'm just I'm I'm accepting the things, but don't wanna f you better not fucking wanna you better not fucking miss me. I swear to god, dude. Swear to god damn on a fucking goddamn it. It's just how life is. Sometimes life sucks. And then you'll accept all of it, and then you'll be like, okay, that's fine. At least I got my core pe where'd all my core penals go? I think this this week alone, let me think. I'm being very sincere. I'm up to five, and I'm not even trying to think too hard and be such a bitch, but five things planned with people I care about, and to real plans, real things. Nothing. Not a not a thing. So obviously it's me, and if it's me, I'll just get out of the way and go enjoy myself and all these beautiful sunsets. Uh, bitchy Bob's back, and that's the episode who gives a fuck. I am gonna go eat at a Waffle House with the same guy who probably just got off the oil rig and then he went to work out, and now he's going to the Waffle House, and then I'm gonna see him there and be like, see, at least you can have three jobs. I also used to have that, and I worked so hard that one day I could be wrong about everything I've ever known. Love you, kisses, bye.