When God Calls You to "Slow Down" with Pastor Steven

What if the fastest way to love is to slow down? We sit with Pastor Steven Mencia to unpack how a reluctant church visit for a teenage date turned into a life shaped by Jesus and how that journey reshapes the way we approach singleness, dating, and marriage.

Steven’s story moves from early skepticism to deep faith, then through trials that tested a young relationship: chronic illness, long distance, breakups, and the question every couple faces will we stay when it’s hard? Together, we explore why singleness is not a penalty box but a formation ground, how to wait without wasting the valley, and what it means to discern God’s voice when urgency shouts for quick decisions. You’ll hear practical markers of spiritual alignment, more Scripture, more honesty, more peace and red flags that quietly dull your devotion.

We also tackle identity and worth. Steven shares the “well vs wound” lens for choices, the widow’s quiet gift as a model of obedience over performance, and the freedom that comes from dating as someone already loved, not someone hustling to be chosen. From “microwave culture, crockpot God” to Romans 12’s renewing of the mind, this conversation offers grounded wisdom for moving at a pace that lets character prove itself, community support you, and God’s timing lead the way.

If you’ve felt overlooked, rushed, or tired of rejection, consider this your permission to breathe. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs steadiness, and leave a review telling us where you’re learning to slow down and trust God’s best.

More Info about Celebration Church: https://www.celebration.org/

Follow Steven: https://www.instagram.com/stevenmencia10/

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

Renee Richel 0:07

Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of 1 True Match. I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life. For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose, and dynamic of human relationships. My team and I are disciplined by faith, love, and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationships they've always dreamt of. Each week I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world. Hello, loves. Welcome back. I am so excited to be sitting here with a very special guest that is near and dear to my heart that I have known since the day of internship, even, which is amazing to watch the growth and now share with you his incredible story. So welcome, Steven.

Pastor Steven Mencia 1:02

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Steven’s Conversion And Early Church Years

Renee Richel 1:03

So today we are going to talk about Pastor Steven Mencia's uh just passion for the Lord. Uh, he is a pastor at Celebration Church, and um, he carries both a powerful personal testimony and a deep pastoral heart for helping his generation follow Jesus in their relationship, identity and calling. And I can't wait for him to share his journey that I think just inspires so many other people. So welcome. Thank you for having me. And I'm excited that he's also doing a podcast. So you'll have to follow him uh soon for just more pearls of wisdom. I also feel like our men need other men helping them lead their path. And I also say women need to hear men speak and men need to hear from women, right? So we can balance out both sides of to have the art of marriage or just a relationship with Jesus in a deeper way. Just great. We're so excited you're here. Thank you. So let's share with the audience. I know I know all the answers or a lot of these answers, but can you share a little bit about your walk with the Lord and how he shaped your heart during the early years of your faith?

Pastor Steven Mencia 2:11

Oh gosh. Um, yes. So I I was raised Catholic. Um, let's say quasi-Catholic. We were like CEOs. We go to church Christmas, Easter and then occasionally. Um, sorry, parents, for listening. Uh so I would say, you know, when I was 16 or so, uh, you know, we had some family stuff, and just from that point, we didn't really get into church after that. Um, I would say, just like any 16-year-old boy, you're not really thinking about how can I get my life together, you know? Um, and so oddly enough, at that point I had met uh my now wife then girlfriend uh Lauren at uh at a restaurant with mutual friends. Um and uh from that point she just essentially was like, if you want a date, we're gonna go to church. I said, if I go, will you stop asking me? And she said yes. And so uh went to church, went to celebration actually uh with her, and that was gosh, almost 14 years ago now.

Renee Richel 3:10

Wow. That's amazing.

Pastor Steven Mencia 3:11

And here we are. Now I'm a pastor on a church on the church staff that I got saved at.

Renee Richel 3:16

That's amazing. And I'm sure you've seen the change and the ebb and flow of church, which we're gonna get into today, and just walking it now through a pastor's eye as opposed to just walking it as you know, the boyfriend of following, I'm sure are two totally different perspectives.

Pastor Steven Mencia 3:31

Very much so. Yes, being the boyfriend who's not fully integrated into because she, you know, she was raised as a believer in a you know in a faith-filled home. And uh, and so even that was a learning curve, you know, trying to I found myself, do I just impress her by trying to speak the language, or do I really want this for myself? And really that's just kind of the tension we all feel, you know, the performative mindset, like why am I doing this? Am I doing this for me or am I doing this because I love what the Lord is calling me into?

Renee Richel 3:58

Sure. Um and I always say a lot of times we could lead more people to church if we just asked. Like it's one thing to welcome people when they come into a church, but I mean, in our business of what we do and we're interviewing people all day long, some of my women, particularly, and women usually gather more frequently sometimes than men, right? Yeah. Walking into a church knowing anyone. Women always talk men into doing things they feel like anyways, like in those regards, right? But I also say I'm like some of the ones that aren't full believers right now, if you invite them in, like in the case of you and your lovely wife, right? And just other people I know, they become stronger believers than ourselves sometimes, too.

Pastor Steven Mencia 4:34

Absolutely. Yeah, I think most people are just waiting for an invitation.

Renee Richel 4:36

I know.

Pastor Steven Mencia 4:37

Um, and the reality is the greatest invitation we could give someone, especially that younger demographic, is our life.

Renee Richel 4:42

Sure. Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 4:43

And so if we live our life well, if we live it from the lens of adopting the truth that Jesus died for my sins, I'm saved because of him, and my life reflects that truth. Well, that's going to be an invitation into, you know, why do you have joy right now? Why do you, you know, and you your friends start to kind of gravitate towards um your presence just because it's different.

Renee Richel 5:04

Right.

Invitations, Witness, And Living Your Faith

Pastor Steven Mencia 5:04

And ultimately that lends itself to an opportunity to say, well, I know this Jesus guy. And if you want to know this Jesus guy too, why don't you come to church with me on Sunday? Because the reality is we're not pointing people to a place, we're pointing them to a person. That person, we talk about that person at the place. Exactly. So yeah, sometimes people just need a good old friendly invite.

Renee Richel 5:22

Yes. I feel like that's the first step towards then finding their faith to change in their life, too. Um, what did your season, since we're talking to the majority of our single audience here? There are definitely dated engaged people and married too, but that they can pass along to their singlenesses. Uh, what did your season of singleness look like and how did God use that time specifically to grow and prepare you for your marriage?

Pastor Steven Mencia 5:47

Oh my gosh. I I don't know if I am capable enough to speak on that topic only because I was gosh, Lauren and I started dating when I was 17.

Renee Richel 5:57

Yeah.

Pastor Steven Mencia 5:58

So singleness before that was, you know, high school. Um but I can say, you know, after leading a college and young adults ministry for for you know half a decade, seeing what that does to people and how people respond and you know, counseling people in my office, the the truth of the matter is that singleness, you know, when we say that word, I think it carries a lot of weight, um, depending on who's hearing what you're saying. Um but when we say singleness, the reality is you're waiting for something, right? And and in our faith, myself included, anybody, we're all waiting for God to do something, right? There's all there there's petitions, there's prayers, there's something that all of us are inviting God into this thing that I really want. And so when we say singleness, I think a lot of times it's just the most polarizing, public, unanswered prayer, right, if you will. I I want a spouse. Well, if you don't have a spouse, everyone's gonna know that.

Renee Richel 6:48

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 6:48

And so I think in that, it's just like any you know, spiritual discipline. Um, as you're waiting, I would just encourage and challenge anybody in that even that season of singleness, I feel like is a loaded term. Um, what are you really waiting for?

Renee Richel 7:02

Right. And well, and Sharon, I hope you can share what you want, but knowing a little more about your story is even in the season of dating, you know, obviously you and Lauren met young, like high school sweethearts. But you guys had some trials and tribulations during that time. So it's not when people hear stories, they think, oh, well, that doesn't relate to me because they met when they were 16 and that's not my story. But I'm here to share, Steven, you don't have to share the whole story. But they did have some trials and tribulations through health, through distance, through all the things to also uh be what I would say uh just tests, right? To see will you guys measure up to the trials and tribulations what life is all about?

Pastor Steven Mencia 7:45

Yeah, when we you know, like we said, we met when we were super young, you know, in high school. You think you know everything in high school, so you're just like, oh, we'll figure it out. But uh at the time, so in high school, my wife had an autoimmune disease that really like ravaged her health, and a lot of our time was spent in the hospital. You know, I would like to go visit another hospital. And when you're in high school and you talk about like you're dating someone, that is not where you want to be doing. Yeah, that's not the vision you have. You know, you're missing football games, and yeah. And then you have this person that you care about, but you're so young, I think, and uh you know, I'm able to say this in looking back, you're so young and short-sighted in your definition of love.

Renee Richel 8:24

Right, right, true.

Pastor Steven Mencia 8:25

And I think you know, movies romanticize it, show all that stuff, but it's really tested when you know you're sitting next to the person you care about and they're in the hospital and you're in high school, and you're making a decision, do I go? Like, is this really what I want? You know, because at the time they were essentially telling her, like, this is your life.

Renee Richel 8:40

Yeah.

Pastor Steven Mencia 8:40

And am I wanting to sign up for that?

Renee Richel 8:43

Right.

Singleness As Waiting And Formation

Pastor Steven Mencia 8:43

Um, and so again, all those things are tested, but you know, that was one of them. Um, I went away for school, uh you know, saw her every other month, give or take. Um, so distance was a real thing. And uh, you know, we broke up twice, like any high school relationship. One for one, too. I broke up with her and she broke up with me, so it's fine. It was even.

Renee Richel 9:04

Um has to always balance out.

Pastor Steven Mencia 9:06

Has to balance out. Um and so yeah, you know, we've of course we've had you know, just like any relationship, you know, you have tensions, you have struggles, you have frustrations, and then ultimately it boils down to do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Because it really doesn't matter what we're facing.

Renee Richel 9:20

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 9:21

Um which is all about relationships. Exactly.

Renee Richel 9:24

Any relationship even with God when we're angry or upset.

Pastor Steven Mencia 9:28

A hundred percent. I mean, you know, obviously when you get married, you know, it changes a little bit, excuse me, that you know, Jesus says husbands die. That's what he tells us, right? Husbands be like Jesus who died for the church. Well, Jesus died for the church. Right. So am I willing to die for her?

Renee Richel 9:45

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 9:46

Um and so if the answer is yes, and it really doesn't matter. That's a great point. What you're facing.

Renee Richel 9:51

It's very true.

Pastor Steven Mencia 9:52

All that to say absolutely we experienced trials and tests, and everyone telling us what we should do and not do, and you're so young, yeah, exactly. So young, you know, I'm gonna off to college.

Renee Richel 10:06

Explore, find someone else, right?

Pastor Steven Mencia 10:07

Yeah, you hear all the things, and that's a good one. Explore. I think a lot of times when you're young, I mean, and you I I've I experienced that when when Lauren and I started dating, you know, we had people in our lives that were like, Are you sure you want to commit to this? Like, why don't you go out there and explore? Right. And I think I would looking back, I wasn't mature enough in the in that stage of life to be able to recognize this. But looking back, I think I would say, like, why do I need to go explore for what I have now?

Renee Richel 10:33

Which was also God in you through you.

Pastor Steven Mencia 10:35

Yeah, exactly.

Renee Richel 10:36

Telling everybody what it right? I because I remember when I was dating somebody very serious, and my parents said, Well, promote a marriage being engaged at like 18, if you two are together after college, but you're going to college, and of course, go off to college, move on, and you're like, Oh, there's a whole other world.

Pastor Steven Mencia 10:51

Yeah, absolutely. And I think for most people, that's the experience just because you don't know. You don't, you know, you don't know what you don't know.

Renee Richel 10:56

Right. And the faith wasn't strong then, right? Like you both had from the foundation of her inviting you in, too.

Pastor Steven Mencia 11:02

So I would say it wasn't sh as strong as obviously it could have been, but I think what you know, her health struggles really challenged a lot of our faith and what we believe to be true.

Renee Richel 11:12

Yeah.

Pastor Steven Mencia 11:12

Um, especially as a like, you know, she grew up her whole life being a believer.

Renee Richel 11:16

Yeah.

Pastor Steven Mencia 11:16

I didn't. And so seeing someone who was faithful through it all to Jesus, and then she's experiencing it. I'm like, I can't understand why why are you suffering? But you've you love the Lord, right? You know, and so in my eyes, like in real time, I'm wrestling with the idea of suffering.

Renee Richel 11:32

Yeah. Um, so yeah, those are all the things that I say when online dating or just today and day and age of window shopping, I call it, to just judge a one-dimensional profile of somebody. The truth of it is what makes a relationship strong is by like making it through the test of time to know how you've survived through the difficulties so that you know that you're rock solid in the future for anything else that's had thrown at you. Yeah. And nobody thinks about those things when they're dating. They just ask the basic questions. But I'm like, you know, the real tough questions are kind of like when you're interviewing somebody is how do you deal with, you know, constructive criticism? Do you get angry? Are you quick to like jump? Are you quick to like try to resolve? Like, how do you deal with things too? So I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Of course. All right. Uh from the from a biblical perspective, how does God use seasons of singleness to shape the life of the believers?

Trials: Illness, Distance, And Young Love

Pastor Steven Mencia 12:26

Um I'm gonna so I'm gonna kind of zoom out of singleness, even though singleness is part of it, and I know that's what we're discussing, but I think it's like any other spiritual discipline, right? Again, we're all waiting for something. And so in this sense, we're talking about singleness, and it's hard to to speak to from experience just because it's been 15 years, 14 years, you know, of experiencing that. Um you know, but I would say a a lot of times in anything that I feel like I am waiting on, I'm asking God, what do you need from me now?

Renee Richel 13:00

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 13:00

You know, what why am I here? Right.

Renee Richel 13:02

Um because of that single relationship you have with Jesus, too.

Pastor Steven Mencia 13:05

Most of our most of our faith, and you can argue that maybe all of our faith is experienced in the valley. We're always in a valley of some sort. And so singleness, if you want to title your valley, okay, it's singleness. Right. And so I would just shift a little bit of the the prayer as you're as you're waiting patiently, what do I need to leave this valley with? Don't leave empty-handed.

Renee Richel 13:23

Yeah.

Pastor Steven Mencia 13:24

You know, what what what am I walking through this for? And as I wait, Lord, how can I how can I participate in what you have for me?

Renee Richel 13:31

I love that.

Pastor Steven Mencia 13:31

Um I think a lot of times we we circumvent the blessing in the valley. We're so focused on I gotta get up there, I gotta get up there, I gotta get out of here, you know, and every season of life is a prison now. And so, well, what is the dream of the prisoner? Freedom.

Renee Richel 13:46

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 13:47

What if I told you you're already free? Dreaming gets a lot more nuanced. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, just slow down. And again, I get that that sounds like who's this guy married for eight years telling me to slow down.

Renee Richel 13:58

It's easy for us to say because we're not in the season anymore of waiting, but I also do say that is the most intimate time and the deepest uh, I would say, moments that I built with the Lord because all I had to focus on was him without the destruction of kids and relationships and work and all the other stuff. So I'm like, don't rush through it. I know I it's always easier to say when you're on the other side, but I look back at my younger self, wishing I could say, you know what, it took till later in life, right, to to finally wake up and get it, but it was so worth it. And then you miss those times too. So absolutely.

Pastor Steven Mencia 14:32

Yeah, we're all waiting. We're all waiting on something. And so as you wait, the prayer is Lord, what do you need for me here?

Renee Richel 14:38

Right. Exactly. I love it. All right, looking back, what helped prepare you both, particularly for a healthy romantic relationship? How and how do you implement that in your day-to-day as husband and father now?

Pastor Steven Mencia 14:52

Healthy romantic relationship, I think is not something I would have said that when we were dating in high school. Um gosh, I don't know. I think a lot of it is just you learn, you experience, and you learn along the way.

Renee Richel 15:07

Um and now you're a proud father of two little girls. Sure the ages.

Pastor Steven Mencia 15:13

Uh three and a half and five months old. Um, and so even that, you know, I've I've learned more about my relationship with the Lord and being a parent than anything else. Um because as a kid, you know, scripture talks about having a childlike faith, right? And Jesus pulls the child aside and says, if you cannot be like a child, you'll enter the kingdom of heaven. And I think I've always read that from the lens of, you know, oh, innocence. But the reality is there is a dependence as a kid, right? And so, you know, as I'm able to reflect as a believer, even you know, as a as I was courting Lauren and you know, we're dating and all this stuff, you just learn at the end of the day, I just need to be like a kid in my faith. Like be so dependent.

Renee Richel 15:57

Always be curious, right?

Pastor Steven Mencia 15:58

Yeah, my daughter who's three and a half, I'll I'll use Coco our five-month-old as an example. Um her cry means nothing other than hungry, tired, or uncomfortable. That's it, right? There's no nuance in in her cries. And so she's not worried about what I'm wearing, she's not worried about what I drive, she's not she just wants me.

Renee Richel 16:20

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 16:20

And so I think through that lens, you know, I'm able to then reflect and say, wow, the Lord only wants, like he just wants to spend time with me.

Renee Richel 16:27

Yeah.

Pastor Steven Mencia 16:27

You know, he just wants me.

Renee Richel 16:28

Yeah.

Pastor Steven Mencia 16:28

And if I do cry, man, I pray that it's to him.

Renee Richel 16:31

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 16:31

And so even, you know, again, looking back and whatever season you find yourself in, I've granted I know singleness is a large topic of discussion. What are you crying for and who are you crying to?

Renee Richel 16:43

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 16:43

You know, I think that's that's able to really foster a healthy environment of development and hopefully strengthen your relationship with Jesus. That's ultimately the goal of any test.

Renee Richel 16:52

And I love that advice because I, if more people would turn to God first in frustration or just in heartache or whatever, then call a friend, how different their outcome might be.

Marriage, Sacrifice, And Spiritual Maturity

Pastor Steven Mencia 17:02

Yeah, and I think we man, as we as I get older, I think, at least in the faith, I should say, um, you know, I got some I got some gray hair in my beard. I gotta get I gotta fix that. Um but as I get older, I feel less convinced that I need to impress Jesus. Um I think of the story where you know Jesus heals Lazarus, um, which takes his time to heal him, right? That's the whole thing. And uh and Mary and Martha, his sisters, um, approach Jesus. And uh, you know, Martha goes to Jesus and is like, oh, if you would have been here, this would have happened. Right? Typical response. I'd like to I know we like to think that we wouldn't say that. Right. We would say that. But then Mary does something that I am impressed by in that she cries. She just sits with you, she just starts crying. And what it elicits from Jesus is not, you know, rub some dirt on it. It's not, come on. He starts crying. And so there's there's only three instances in scripture where Jesus is quoted in shedding real tears. Garden of Gethsemane. Um, when he rides into Jerusalem on the donkey and he sees the state of the world, or really the state of his people, and when Mary cries with him. And so in any season of my life now, I think we we flex between Mary and Martha. You know, we're like, we want the answer now. And I'm I'm more convinced now than ever that I don't need to just move on. I actually can just cry. And what it does is it elicits, and I don't mean like, you know, just start crying, even though that might be the thing, is really just sharing that intimate moment with him and letting yourself be sad. No one's saying you can't be sad. Right.

Renee Richel 18:42

Like we have to be human.

Pastor Steven Mencia 18:43

Yeah, be sad. Be, but like be that with him.

Renee Richel 18:46

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 18:47

Yelling at God is still called prayer, it's just louder. So you know, I think anybody, whatever season of life that you're in, whatever, you know, and I know singleness is a large one, and that really deals with self-worth a lot. So that's it's a little bit more um complex.

Renee Richel 19:02

Uh but none of us need more. I I always tell everybody like if you're searching for love, search deeper for your love for Jesus because ultimately we don't need any more love than that love.

Pastor Steven Mencia 19:12

Oh, exactly.

Renee Richel 19:13

At all, period. Right. The rest is a bonus that he's giving us.

Pastor Steven Mencia 19:17

Yeah. And you know, simultaneously in that, he's not telling you that you gotta be cool with everything. Right. He's not saying you gotta be cool with waiting on Lazarus.

Renee Richel 19:25

We're on this earth to serve him and his plans.

Pastor Steven Mencia 19:28

Yeah, faith is hard, man. If it was easy, I wouldn't have a job. So faith is difficult. Same here too.

Renee Richel 19:33

So is love, right? In relationships. So I totally get it. Um, how can singles learn to discern God's voice when it comes to dating, choosing a partner, or knowing when to take the next step?

Pastor Steven Mencia 19:46

That's a tough one. Um, I don't think that there's a blueprint. You know, some people know I've sat with couples that know that you know the guy knew after two days, which you know, you can make a case that maybe that's not true, but and then you know. For some it takes longer. Um, I wouldn't say there's a blueprint, but what I would say is, you know, what's the driving factor of your urgency, you know, for moving forward with the relationship? Is it so that you're not alone? If that's the case, I would argue that maybe that's not the voice of the Lord.

Renee Richel 20:17

Right.

Discernment, Urgency, And God’s Pace

Pastor Steven Mencia 20:18

Um, if you read all throughout scripture, most, if not all, of his provision came from patience. You know, we we live in a, there's the cliche saying, we live in a microwave society, but we serve a crockpot God. And so with relationships, you know, for for those that are listening and you've been waiting for years, gosh, I I I sympathize greatly with your struggle and your suffering. And then you finally meet someone, and the the temptation is like, I just gotta let's move. Yeah, you know, let's go. And so the analogy I would give is if you've ever, I don't know if anyone's ever fasted before, but like at our church, we do a 21-day fast. And without fail, every year on day 21, that night, I eat so many cookies, and it happens every year, and you know, you've starved your body from sugar for 21 days, and then I consume like a thousand grams of sugar in one sitting. Well, what happens? Your body shuts down, your body's like, what is going on? You feel terrible, right? Because you don't know. And so I think in the same way, like you've gone so long without something, he presents you with the something that you've been waiting for. The temptation is always going to be urgency.

Renee Richel 21:27

Absolutely.

Pastor Steven Mencia 21:27

And so I think part of discerning the voice of the Lord and in how to move forward is defining like what is the urgency.

Renee Richel 21:35

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 21:36

Is it are you worried that you're gonna lose them? Are you worried that this is the last one? You know, like if I don't marry this person, I'm done. Um are you worried that it's not gonna work out? So you gotta make it legal so that if it doesn't work out, you know, yeah, like what are the what is the uh the root of your urgency and then kind of work backwards from there and invite Jesus into that. That's that would be my kind of cliche advice.

Renee Richel 22:00

Right, I like that. And I mean at the end of the day, I also tell everybody you have to be the right, you have to be a great partner. Oh, yeah. So also attract, because so many people, if they don't put a hundred percent of their effort into loving on somebody else and thinking of them first and all those other things, then you're kind of also then not being the best version that's gonna attract somebody that would appreciate you as well.

Pastor Steven Mencia 22:20

Right, dress for the job you want, kind of thing.

Renee Richel 22:22

Right, exactly. Okay, what signs should someone look for to know whether a relationship is spiritually aligned or leading them away from God's best?

Pastor Steven Mencia 22:34

Gosh, okay. Um, some of these answers are gonna sound pretty cliche. Yeah. So I'll go hyper-spiritual and then I'll kind of bring in practicality into it. Um spiritually speaking, your primary focus and your primary relationship that you desire intimacy with is Jesus. And so if any if at any point this other person is drawing you away from that, I think that's a telltale sign. Um practically speaking, what does that look like? Are you reading your Bible less? Are you making more excuses about spending time with the Lord? Are you making excuses about going to church? Or like are they being invited into your faith or are they actively drawing you out of it? Right. Um, that I think is what I would keep us just a healthy filter. And again, it kind of goes back to the urgency. When you have not had that, you're just excited.

Renee Richel 23:27

Yeah.

Pastor Steven Mencia 23:27

You know, it's it's like a gift. Yeah. And you know, no one blames you. I don't think I don't I don't even think Jesus, you know, blames us for our desire of urgency. I just still think we are to invite him into that. Um, there's nothing wrong with how you feel, you just can't be led by it. And so just kind of I'm I'm a big advocate for you know, where is this really coming from? In my mind, most, if not all, things are symptoms of a route that's probably undefined. Um so again, like are you spending more time with them because you're worried they're gonna leave? Or are you spending time with Jesus, the one who sent that person in the first place?

Renee Richel 24:04

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 24:04

Right. And so I think there are some practical elements that go into determining whether or not this person is actively encouraging you in your faith or drawing you away from your faith. Um you never really can tell.

Renee Richel 24:17

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 24:17

Um, but I think again, I I I'm always going to point back to like where is this coming from? You know, is this a is this an ego thing? Is this, you know, you need to prove your friends wrong that it wasn't gonna work out, whatever, you know, whatever it is. Um yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Spiritual Alignment: Signs To Watch

Renee Richel 24:33

Yeah, and I was gonna say, I mean, God always brings people in our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime, right? And so I always tell everybody, whatever it is, if God brought you into this introduction or somebody new and put them in your life, that look for the opportunity of what maybe he's trying to show you through the littlest message they can get. Yeah, yeah, of course. Walk away strong. Um, okay, when you reflect on how God brought your marriage together, what stands out to you about his timing or his faithfulness?

Pastor Steven Mencia 25:03

Gosh, I feel I mean, I feel like I've seen him in so many ways. It's hard to I mean, the reality is the marriage has to be centered on him in the first place, otherwise it's going to be temporal, you know. Um, and so you know, from that place, I've seen again, just like in any relationship in a marriage, you have tensions, you have struggles. Um, oddly enough, my wife and I worked at celebration at the church um in the same department for a year or two. Um and so I don't know if anyone's experienced this where you work with the person that you go home with. You don't really have a whole lot to talk about at the end of the day. You know, you were there. Um, and so I think part of the Lord's provision has really been like a deepening intimacy within our communication, um, and just how we have been able to reflect with gratitude on things he's done individually in our lives. Because the reality is we are separate people who have chosen to come together and we are inviting him into that. Um, and so I'm I've really personally, and Lauren might give a different answer, but I have seen him really, you know, show himself faithful. You could say, you know, the finances, the the job, um, our health, like all those things are, of course, you you know, you praise God for that. But I think intimately with her, it's been our ability to see him just in the little things in our life. Um, opportunities, community in our life, like the people that he has brought into our life as like friends, um, families that we get to share community with, I think is a big thing that I've seen, at least recently. So this might be some recency biases to like what I've seen him do in our marriage.

Renee Richel 26:42

Which it's it's always evolving. That's the curiosity and excitement of God. It's like I always tell everybody I wake up every day and have this huge whiteboard with a million ideas on it. And some days I wake up and God wipes it totally clean. Other days, I'm like, woohoo! He got three or four ideas. That means I'm going somewhere, I'm on somewhere.

Pastor Steven Mencia 26:58

That would be so frustrating.

Renee Richel 27:00

I know, but at the end of the day, I'm like, each day I give to you. So whatever it is you want to do. Um, okay. What do you see as the biggest challenge singles face in today's dating culture? And how can they stay anchored in Christ while they're the biggest challenge, I think, is they don't know how to be loved. Yeah, that's good.

Pastor Steven Mencia 27:21

I think a big portion of, again, anything that we are waiting on is love. Um a lot of times I think we have a fractured definition of what we think we need to become to be loved, and the gospel is completely upside down in that regard. Uh so I think of the poor widow who gives the two coins. Um Mark 12, I think. Um whoever's pleasant can just look in your Bible and tell me what that is. But I think it's in Mark 12 where this woman, it says, you know, the scriptures calls her a poor widow, um, and they go to this temple, and in the temple, uh, this is gonna be like super nerdy, so just bear with me for just a second.

Identity, Worth, And Dating From Love

Renee Richel 28:00

Um we have an array of audience.

Pastor Steven Mencia 28:01

Oh, perfect. So the nerds out there, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Um, there's a part of the temple where there's these giving, these collection bins, if you will, and they're made out of bronze.

Renee Richel 28:11

Okay.

Pastor Steven Mencia 28:11

And so in an honor and shame society back then in antiquity when Jesus was alive, when they would give money, there were coins, it would make this loud sound.

Renee Richel 28:20

Sure.

Pastor Steven Mencia 28:20

And so what does that mean? Well, you have money, you have respect, you have honor, right? And so you're impressing Jesus. And what scripture says is Jesus is sitting opposite of those containers, if you will. And uh this poor widow walks down, she puts these two small coins, they're I mean, they're called mites, they're very small, they're the lowest denomination in the Roman culture. And she drops them in. Probably didn't make a whole lot of noise. And what Jesus does in that moment is he invites the disciples over, he makes it a teaching moment for the disciples, and he says, She has given more than the rest. And so what that tells me is what is she doing differently? Well, it's not money, it's not what other people perceive to be success or wealth or attractiveness, if you will, it's obedience. She out, you know, he says that she out of her poverty gave. Everyone gave out of their abundance. Um and so primarily when I say love, specifically in the in the dating arena, if you are looking to make noise, you'll always be disappointed. What are you like? Are you looking to go down there and make noise with what you're giving? Or are you just giving Jesus your everything? And I think from that place, knowing you are starting from a place of love. You are not trying to be loved, you're not trying to become loved. You are loved. That happened on the cross, it is paid for in full, you don't owe anything, you are loved. And so anytime we, I guess, kind of come out of that and we look to become loved, or we look for certain things that make us feel more loved. And the truth of the matter is it all comes from a place of uh of trauma. You know, when you're a kid or even in your adult life, when things happen to you or you experience things that fracture your definition of love, naturally you're you're gonna kind of default to finding that again. And it can only be found in the Lord. And so scripture says that perfect love casts out all fear. So if you're worried, are you loved?

Renee Richel 30:17

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 30:17

And so I think that would that would be the you know, the the guiding star, if you will. Um I think the biggest struggle for people who are really anybody who is single is that idea of, am I loved? Yeah, you know, or am I am I dating this person because I feel unworthy? Or, you know, am I getting a sort of source of validation from this relationship? And I would just, I would challenge and and really just honestly, I would apologize to anyone that ever felt like they're not loved. And I'm so sorry that you feel like something in your life has disqualified you from love, that there has been something that has happened to you that has convinced you, and really it's the devil, that has convinced you that you're unworthy and that you need to fight for worthiness. Jesus didn't take resumes on the cross. So as long as that didn't happen, you're good. You're you you can you can date from a place of being loved before you can be loved by someone else.

Renee Richel 31:12

That's so true. And with your background and the half a decade you said of experience with the college age, we're going out and starting to speak to Christian colleges. Great. Right about self-worth and their body as their temple and all the things that you're saying. What would you find among that age demographic working with the college kids? Do they share any of their frustration about love or you know, just dating or like a commonality?

Wells And Wounds: Healing Before Pursuit

Pastor Steven Mencia 31:37

Yeah. Yes and no, and I think more so I think they're just hurting. I don't think that I don't think most people know what to do with pain. Um and I think from that place, and love being the primary wound, you know, we we live our life from two places. We either live it from the well or we live it from the wound. The well you get to draw from, right? You're actively stewarding it, it is a source of it's a it's a life-giving uh source of wellness, right? A well. Or you live from a wound where you're trying to um close a wound that you can't close.

Renee Richel 32:12

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 32:13

Um, and so I think for most people in that age demographic, um, if we don't have or if we've not adopted a a truth about who we are, whose we are, right? We're all a son and daughter of the Lord. Jesus still got grandkids. Right. So like you're either a son or you're a daughter.

Renee Richel 32:29

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 32:29

Um and so I think because of that, you know, if if you're not living like that is true, then you're probably being led by a wound. Um and so something that I know frustrates the mess out of anybody that I counsel uh is go back before you go forward.

Renee Richel 32:44

Right. Heal it so that you move forward and with every sunrise it's a new day, right?

Pastor Steven Mencia 32:49

That the Lord forgives us for which you don't heal from, you bow to.

Renee Richel 32:52

Right.

Pastor Steven Mencia 32:53

And so you'll spend your life serving a wound, and the Lord wants you to draw from a well. I like that. So I think that's the main thing is you know, are you being led by a wound?

Renee Richel 33:01

Which, okay, so my final question uh that I feel like you just did, but scripturally, what encouragement or scripture would you share with singles who feel discouraged, overlooked, or tired?

Pastor Steven Mencia 33:14

Oh my gosh, discouraged tired. Gosh, there's so many you could give it.

Renee Richel 33:22

There's so much rejection and dating in today's day and age and it stinks, right? So that's another level of just extra.

Pastor Steven Mencia 33:29

Yeah. Gosh, I'd want to think about it because I don't want to just give some basic, you know, like, oh, read this. Because here's the thing, all of scripture is God breathed, so it will breathe life into yours. But uh man. Let me share a story. Um, when I started playing golf, uh, my first golf coach, his name is Ted, and uh he's like an old guy, like super old. Um I didn't mean that like as in a bad way, but just like an older yeah, thank you here to help. Um very wise. And uh and he was my first teacher, I wasn't very good, and I would get really frustrated, and so he would give me a technique, whatever, and I would hit in the woods, and I would get so mad, and this is before I was saved, too. So there was some.

Renee Richel 34:13

Well, and golf is already a very frustrating sport to begin with.

Slow Down: Renewing Your Mind

Pastor Steven Mencia 34:16

I never feel further from the Lord than when I'm on a golf course, but anyway, um, this is pre pre-being saved, so I was saying some very unsavory words. Um and I'll never forget I, you know, I was in my backswing and he grabbed the club and he looked me in the eye, he was like this close. And he was also a chain smoker, so he smelled really bad. But he was this close to my face, and he said, You're not good enough to be mad. Oh and I think about that once a week. But really, what I've drawn from that is I don't know enough to be impatient. I don't know enough to be mad. You know, give yourself time to reflect and realize that maybe what you're waiting on is already in your hands. That's true. And so I think the encouragement would be slow down, slow down you because there's at some point you're gonna want to go back. Yeah, want you're you know, I don't know what age it is. I don't know if there's like a cosmic age that we all agreed on, but there's a certain point in your life where you know you you spend most of your childhood, like, I can't wait to grow up, I can't wait to grow up, I can't wait to grow up. And then you hit a certain point in your adult life, you're like, I wish I could be back.

Renee Richel 35:16

You need to slow down, I need to slow down, I need to slow down. I wish I could go tell my younger self that's now, right?

Pastor Steven Mencia 35:21

Yeah, so I think the encouragement is just slow down. You know, the fastest way anywhere in scripture is slow. So just go slow. Um and scripturally speaking, I think I would I'll use Romans 12 :2, since we're talking about Romans.

Renee Richel 35:39

Okay.

Pastor Steven Mencia 35:40

Um do not be conformed by this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Um and scripture says, then I don't remember verse for verse the ESV version, but um but it says then God's will and perfect plan will be revealed. And so I think it it kind of takes you out of the driver's seat. Um like we get the opportunity to be transformed every day. Yeah. When you read scripture, when you pray, when you invite the Holy Spirit in, it's a living book. You know, I don't know if you've ever read a book where you get to talk to the author while you're reading it, but that's what the Bible is. Yeah. So I think in that, you know, let you like be transformed by the renewing of your mind. If you feel like you're in some really unhealthy thought patterns, all right, Lord, what's going on? You know, I don't we don't have to be conformed by this world. You know, we have a hope. We have a there is a greater hope ahead, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Whether that we experience that on earth or in eternity, it doesn't matter. Yeah, death has lost its thing, the cross is still the cross, the tomb is still empty, and I get to fix my eyes on the perfector of my faith. You can renew my mind in a moment.

Renee Richel 36:48

I love that. That's a great verse. I love that. And and you know, I always say in my loneliness, I'm like the best conversations I ever had was when you just want to talk to somebody and you talk to God. He's always there, he's always listening, he's not yelling at you, no, he's not talking, right? No, but he's always listening. There's no better listener than that. Yes, then gives you the answers in time. Slow and steady wins the race, by the way.

Pastor Steven Mencia 37:09

Absolutely.

Renee Richel 37:10

Well, we are so excited that you have joined us today with your peels of wisdom now in life and all that you inspire and just encourage. Uh, if anybody wants to learn more about Steven and his upcoming podcast and just in general, uh Celebration Church, please uh look at our notes that you can find and follow him as well. As we will try to get you and Lauren back on when we do our couples series, we love to kind of hear from both perspectives, which I think is good insight, even to our singles, because the goal is once you'll be there, you're gonna want to already be prepared.

Pastor Steven Mencia 37:43

Right. Yeah, exactly.

Closing And Listener Invitations

Renee Richel 37:44

So hopefully it'll be pearls of wisdom for you. So I hope you have a season of feeling wrapped in God's love and can't wait for our next chat. God bless. It's been another great talk on this episode of 1 True Talks by Renee Richel. I look forward to our next chat. Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode. Lots of Love, God's Bless, XOXO.