Beyond the Surface Podcast Artwork Image
Beyond the Surface
How to Find Balance in College with Emily Duong
February 18, 2019 Kailee Billerbeck

In our first interview on Beyond the Surface, Emily Duong shares her experience finding balance in college. Emily is a senior in college who moved from Pennsylvania to Southern California when she was 18. She originally attended University of California Irvine and later transferred to Chapman University. When she was younger, Emily was a USTA-ranked tennis player and elite-level competition figure skater. She also founded her own company called Elite Skate Wear, where she designs and sells custom skating dresses.

Learn about Emily's thoughts pertaining to a wide range of topics including alone time, the people you surround yourself with, mindset, social media, and much more! You won't want to miss these tips on how to find balance amidst your crazy college life.

Don't forget to check out the books/podcasts mentioned at the end of the episode:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki
Unfuck Yourself by Gary John Bishop

The Tim Ferriss Show
The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes
The Tony Robbins Podcast

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1:0:14Casey miller bag. I'm a senior in college published authors, Self Improvement Blogger blackbelt and lover of long random walk absolutely anywhere and everywhere. I hope you to dive these your life last year, mind manifest.

Speaker 2:0:41Welcome to episode 11 how to find balance with Emily Duwan.

Speaker 3:0:49Okay. So this week I have my first guest on the podcast. I'm super excited. So we're going to welcome Emily [inaudible]. She's going to give a little brief overview about just who she is, where she's from and kind of what she does. So I'm like take it away. Hello everyone. My name is Emily Juang and uh, let me think. Where do I begin? Um, I guess obviously I'm a friend of KAYLEA's. I am a senior at Chapman University, but I was born and raised in Pennsylvania, so 3000 miles away from orange, California. But just a brief background about me. I grew up as a competitive figure skater and Usta ranked tennis player. I also developed a business, I'm off of skating, so I designed figure skating dresses under the company you lead, skate wear. And I do a lot of other projects with blogging and writing. And all that creative aspect that I'm just really passionate about right now.

Speaker 3:1:41So that's my main focus aside from school at Chapman. That's so awesome. See, I think that like it's hard because a lot of people in college don't think they could balance having a business and I social life part of a sorority. All of these things that you do, how do you balance those? Yeah, I would say I, I, I've always loved prioritizing and writing things down and using my planner or does it even using notes or a Google calendar to just plan out my day, plan out my week, my month. And so that's kind of how I've arranged a lot of my life and my routine over these past few years. And over time I've, I guess I would always overlook and see what has a, wasted my time and what has taken away my energy or which weeks I'm having, you know, feeling really good about. And I would see what I did during that week that made me feel really great.

Speaker 3:2:30And so I would try to keep those things more consistent. So whether that's maybe waking up at 7:00 AM and getting a workout in before heading to class or before, you know, heading to work or whatever it is. So things like that I just reflect on really well and consider what has what it has made me feel. And if it's been making me feel great, feel productive, then obviously I want to do more of those and vice versa for what's not as productive. Yeah. See, I feel like it's so hard because I think a lot of people feel like they have to sacrifice. If you felt you've had to sacrifice anything, you're like, you know, you've had fomo about anything. Yeah, I'm obviously, I would definitely say I've sacrificed partying in a sense. Uh, you know, I do love partying. I'm not gonna lie, it was quite the party queen in high school.

Speaker 3:3:13Um, if any of my high school friends listen to this, you know, they would, they could advocate for that. But, um, you know, I, I prioritize what's, you know, like for example, if I'm giving up partying, not necessarily just the partying aspect of the soul drastic, but I'm giving up staying out until three. I'm like, that's, that's what I'm really giving up because that's what comes with the territory when you go out and you know, when you're drinking and whatnot. And so I've given that up or kind of just slowed that down and prioritize things like being able to get to bed by 11 and wake up at six or 7:00 AM and then get my day going. So because that's a priority for me, I have slowed down on, you know, the social life and being involved in maybe like Greek life essentially. Cause you know, we're both involved in that.

Speaker 3:3:55And I think by doing so, it enhances other aspects of my life, just like my business and my school and my internship and my opportunities. I get outside of school and just in my professional life. And so I think that has been a, um, what's like an outcome from just, I guess quote unquote sacrificing the social life. But I still am, you know, involved just like you just, just doing things like any normal 21 year old would do. But obviously overlooking what is the best for me. Yeah. So I know that like my freshman, sophomore year, I was, my junior year I was going out and I had to slowly make this transition of going from being used to going out of the time and having that mindset where if I wasn't there I was missing out and I was so afraid of using it. Like if there was an inside joke that my be developed and I wasn't there that night, that will be detrimental to them.

Speaker 3:4:46So how did you make that transition from going out and being used to that? To being able to sacrifice that without feeling like you were missing a piece of yourself? Yeah, I would definitely, Fomo is, is one of those things that gets all of us. I think that no matter how old we are, I think, I think at some point we're always just going to feel fomo. Yeah. But I definitely invest a lot of my time these past two years. About, I definitely would have been reading a lot. I invest a lot of my time and listening and reading essentially mindset books and kind of shifting that mindset of, you know, Oh man, I'm missing out on this or my friends or doing this or they're taking all these snapshots. You know, I, I instead of thinking about those things, I've shifted my mindset too.

Speaker 3:5:29You know, they're having a great night by themselves or they're having their own time and I'm having my own time and I bring my focus back to like what I'm doing. And so what other people are doing. And I know that sounds so simple, but it's just like when you're practicing tennis for example, you're going to practice the forehand stroke every single time, but it gets better each time. So what I'm practicing is like, uh, you know, the muscle memory or the brain muscle of thinking about me instead of what other people are doing. And it takes discipline like deleting snapchat, I believe did snapchat for a couple months, for a period of months. And especially I think my junior year when I was experiencing that Fomo. And now I've gotten over it, but I, I'm looking back right now and I'm thinking, what did I do? And I deleted snapchat for a couple months.

Speaker 3:6:14I've deleted Instagram for maybe like a week or so, and I'd go back and forth on that. Or I, I just don't even look at other people's snapchat stories. I think that's where a lot of Fomo can come from. Or sometimes even scrolling through other people's photos, you can put their Instagram on a mute or simply unfollowed them. Like things like that. I think that's where the fomo develops if you really think about it. Because if we don't know about it, then we don't have the fear of missing out mindset, you know? That's so true. Did you ever have a defining moment that was kind of like, okay, I need to make this switch from myself and change my mindset surrounding these, like the partying and the going out and having fun while in that kind of stuff to reprioritize yourself. Um, so like did I, where did I like have like the moment yeah.

Speaker 3:6:55What kind of led you to this change in your life? Yeah. Um, okay. I guess I'm going to just be really transparent because I like to keep it real. Um, yeah, I went through a really rough breakup during my junior year, although I am like back together in that relationship. Um, it was just a huge transition period for me and my partner where he was graduating and I was transferring to a new university since I transferred to Chapman from UC Irvine. And during that time I was truly at my loneliest stage in life. Um, mentally, not necessarily physically because I was around so many people in school. I was talking to so many new friends and New People in and I was getting all of that. But I noticed this gap in, um, you know, this drive, I felt like a loss in, in my own drive.

Speaker 3:7:43Um, especially when I realized when I think back to skating, I used to wake up at 5:00 AM and I'd skate three hours a day, two hours in the morning and one hour after school when I was in high school. And I would think about this like sitting in my bed on a Friday night. And I'd be like, wow, my life has changed so much since then and I recognize that I was so driven back then and I was like, where is this now? You know, I, I'd recently came out of a breakup and I'm at a new school and I really have no friends like, and that the no friends part didn't bother me. It was like, I don't have anyone like truly valuable as a friend, you know what I mean? Like the ones that will like check on you and, and enhance my life.

Speaker 3:8:24And I didn't have that in my junior year. So that was the pivoting moment for me where I was like, okay, if I'm not going to have anyone right now, then what I'm going to do is I need to have myself, I need to bring back that drive. I need to, I need to bring back the Emily. I have always known. And so I started reading it. You know, as as cheesy as it sounds, I was reading every Friday night, I came back from coaching figure skating and I plopped down on my bed, like 7:00 PM would be eating dinner and I would just start reading. And I just start, um, you know, browsing things on my computer, kind of writing out like a plan for the year. And then I started working towards it and then I started seeing progress and each day I was suddenly like, you know, I was like me, myself and I, it was, it was just that.

Speaker 3:9:07And you know, I, I know a lot of people might talk about that, but at the same time I think adversity is what will always push you to make the change, you know, because you know, you're on one side of the obstacle. How are we going to get to the other side? And obviously at the time my parents live 3000 miles away. And to be honest, I don't even like to share with them that much adversity just cause they don't really understand it as much. And so it was a point where I stopped at myself. So that's also a big lesson too, is that after that I knew I, if this were to happen again is some situation where I'm all by myself. I already knew I've done it before, you know? So that's how it came for me. That's awesome. So you talk a lot about alone time and I think a lot of college students are afraid of that alone time or we're just so overwhelmed with friends and events and you know, Greek life involvement, there's always sent me to be doing.

Speaker 3:10:00Do you, how important do you think alone time is and how do people start to kind of integrate that into college life when it's so crazy? But I mean, like you said, like alone, time is still important. So obviously we need it, but how do we integrate it into our lives? That is such a good question because I personally think everyone needs to integrate some sort of alone time every day. Absolutely. You know, sometimes it takes, it's as simple as writing it down. You know, if you know, you end class at 4:00 PM that day and you might be getting dinner with friends that night or maybe you might be reuniting with your roommates later that night. You know, maybe from four to 6:00 PM is your alone time. You're browsing the computer or watching Netflix by yourself. Things like that. Even if it's has to be that, that is better than always needing someone else to do a with you and like to be honest, like a lot of girls like always need a friend to go with them to the bathroom if you really think about it.

Speaker 3:10:51It's so true. And I'm like, I adore you guys, but like you don't really need someone to like go with you, you know? And I think when you learn consistently over time how to do these things by yourself, that's where you start to become a more independent and just be mentally stronger. So I would say, you know, to integrate it, it can be just thinking about things that you like. I say more like a vision, you know, think about like a vision of where you want to be. Maybe it's like losing weight. Even as simple as that, that's not something that you necessarily can always drag your friends into, you know, hey like dude's weight loss program with me. Or like, you know, go to the gym more often with me. You know, if you know that you're going, you want this vision or this goal, you, you have to apply that by herself.

Speaker 3:11:36And so alone time could be as simple as waking up at 7:00 AM to work out for an hour. I hit the gym or hit a workout class and then, you know, get your shit together and then, you know, go to class. You know what I mean? That's part of alone time. That's part of personal development and that's part of what I've done in the past too. I think it always starts with like a purpose though, is always like, what's your purpose behind waking up at this time to do this? You know? And you're going to have to be able to answer that. And some people would be like, well I'm waking up at this time because I want to get a workout in because I want to lose five pounds. You know? So when you have a purpose you can build that drive and go towards it.

Speaker 3:12:12But I think that's where most people need to start is like what do you want in your life to change or to improve? And then from there you can work backwards. Well not still hard cause it's so different for everyone. And when you're living like that life where you're with your friends all the time, you're not, obviously you have different needs and goals and purposes. So you're needing your alone time for different things, you know? That's so true. So do you think that having that alone time, it's kind of like the crux of being able to balance all of these different things that you do? Yeah, I definitely think that having a long time not only like makes me mentally stronger just because to me there's a lot of people were like, how do you do that alone? Or how do you never crave, you know, someone else's attention?

Speaker 3:12:55For you or in you know, and all that stuff. And I was like, well, when you're forced to be alone for so many months and for nearly an entire school year, you start to learn how to do things by herself and then when you learn these things, you don't ever need someone to do with you again, but at least you'll have the option. Right. But those are, you know, I think just being alone helps you in so many aspects because I notice a lot of individuals of our age tend to like to need someone else and you know, not to like drag woman down. I will say it's more common among females than males. So I think that's something woman just because I love to support women, other females and college girls is to, you know, do share on your own. You know, you don't go to the mall by herself or even do a day trip to San Diego or whatever.

Speaker 3:13:48Like go somewhere by yourself for a day and explore. I went to, I went to Portland for four days by myself. I, I flew there, I booked flights two weeks in advance, like two weeks before I book the flights. I booked the hotel and I was like, all right, I'm going by myself. And I mean I shared my location with my friends, but you know, I did those. When you do that, you, you experienced something on a, on a, on a deeper level, you know, like a spiritual level and it empowers you, it makes you more bold in going after what you want in life, I would say. Yeah. Do you think that it, like when you spend time with yourself, do you think it's ultimately like confidence that we're going for? Because then if you're confident, you don't feel like you have to kind of bring others down in order to make yourself feel better.

Speaker 3:14:30Is that, would you say that's kind of what you're going for? I think that co I think that comes with the territory. I think when you're alone, I think the biggest part is what comes with it is confidence, like you're saying. Um, I think also just, just, I don't know, I mean, yes, it's confidence. It's like it's natural to it. But I think also just, I don't know, you get more inner peace in a sense because you're getting your own energy vibration versus all the other people. You're always surrounded by, you know, because I think you start to reflect on who you are as a person more. And you start to reflect on your bad habits and your good habits and all these things on you know, what you do in your life. And I think when you're surrounded by so many people and by so many outside influences and the outside noise, you're, you're, you're getting that energy.

Speaker 3:15:20Yeah, no, totally. Do you think, what were some, like the bad habits that you had, you kind of had to fix? Ooh, for me, um, I think a bad habit for me. I mean I don't, I'm trying to think, cause I've, I've moved past so many. Um, I think probably because I'm speaking so much on the taking, being by herself aspect, I would say I used to, especially when I was, um, for our freshmen, sophomore and like in a very serious relationship, I was almost like always wanting to be around my significant other or always wanting to be around my best friend or you know, all these things and I never found my own alone time. And I think that's why my drive went away because I was so used to um, you know, like training and skating, growing up by myself and all that.

Speaker 3:16:09So when I did things by myself, I felt more driven because no one's going to be there to step in your way or getting your lane. Like I was just focused on my own lane is like a great way to put it. Um, and so I think, I think that was something I struggled with for a long time was like almost like kind of like psychologically needing someone else. And I, and again that's human nature but it's something I got over by doing the opposite. You know, you get used to it, your body, your mind gets used to not having someone, a girl or a guy like whatever, like not having a friend always by your side and then you start to learn, um, different traits about yourself and different habits that you develop out of getting out of that bad habit. Absolutely. That's so true.

Speaker 3:16:55Cause I'm thinking back to like in high school I had a boyfriend for four years and as soon as they broke up with him I remember telling my mom, I don't even know what kind of music I like. So I think that when you do, I mean I know that that's, that's such like a surface level thing, but I mean when you're by yourself you do find those things and you're finding about who you are and it allows you to capitalize on those things in order to do things like you've done, you know, with your blog and stuff. That's so funny though cause we were talking about like the music thing and not, I think of it, that's actually something as Corny as it sounds. I used to write down when I was like going through the phase of having no friends and like what people I wanted in my life.

Speaker 3:17:27I wrote down like a checklist of the things that the, these people are potential friends or potential significant other would needed to have. And I would write down like my interests. Like I am so passionate about like house music and like artists like Kygo and cascade and all these people. I wanted people that like really was a fan of that music too. Um, I wanted people that were a fan of these type of foods, like this type of lifestyle or like, like had this type of thinking or came from an athletic background, things like that. And it's like, it's almost like if you think about like, I dunno like people go through like Tinder for example, and they'll swipe and like they're swiping off of looks and whatnot and they'll have like a little message conversation. They'll get to know each other and you start to narrow down what you do like about this person, what you don't.

Speaker 3:18:09It's kind of the same thing except like you, you kind of like create one box for like all the people that could fit in it, you know? So you narrow down the people you are going to have in your life where you're going to attract into your life because you've made the mold. So now it's like finding people that fit that mold in a good way, you know? And do you think that having people that fit that mold for you is, it really helps you find balance in your life with everything you're doing? 100%. I literally only the only friends I have are the only people in my life are people that essentially fit that mold. And it's, it's a good mode. It's just people that I know compliment me, compliment my drive, compliment my lifestyle, people who are genuine to me and authentic. And so it has helped me kind of weed out the people that are just not going to be in the long run.

Speaker 3:18:58And that's okay. You know, I think that's something I learned as a 20 year old back then was just realizing that not everyone is meant to be in your life. Not everyone's going to love you, not everyone's gonna like you. And that's just okay. You know that that is really okay. And you know, that's just part of life. And I, I'll tell us to like my roommate all the time too and just you and my mom who thinks that more people should like me and I'm like, it's okay if they don't like me. Like I really, you know what, I'm a specific type of person and other people are a specific type of person and I'm happy for those people because that means they're going to be able to attract more similar like minded people of them to them, to their life, you know, and vice versa.

Speaker 3:19:39For me because I am a specific way, I'm going to be able to attract, you know, I would say I'm like very business minded. For example, I'm going to be able to attract like minded people who are very interested in business and kind of cultivating this type of career and this lifestyle. And that's perfect for me because I want that, you know, you don't, you know, the amount of people we mess around with in high school, in middle school that like we probably don't really talk to anymore because we've all grown into adults with real life interests and we realize our interests are not aligned to theirs so we're never going to be on the same path as theirs, you know, but the people who are likeminded, there's going to be a good chance even if you move like miles away, like my own Sorority, big sis, she, you know, as a professional ballerina and you know, we're both very driven.

Speaker 3:20:23We're very self disciplined and we do similar things and it's just, we're all, even though she's in New York City and I'm in California, we're going to cross paths along the way because we have the same life interests. And that it was like a big lesson I learned too about selecting friends is that people who I want in my wedding, you know, 10 years from now or whenever they're gonna, you know, I want to find those people now, but I'm going to be about it because it's going to be people who are still there five, 10 years down the line and it's because they're on a similar path. You know? It's interesting because I feel like I've, I was talking to one of my friends about this and I think that that you have the friends where you kind of have to be with him all the time in order to be close and not that that's wrong, but then you have some friends that you know, you can see them once a month.

Speaker 3:21:10Like I know we don't hang out all the time, but I still consider you one of my best friends. Yeah, it was like us. But when you catch up, you just, you pick up right where you left off, but you don't have to. Again, kind of going back to what you said, having to, you know, when you're with somebody all the time, you get stuck in the, you know, what you need and what they need are different. So you get stuck kind of blending those things and you're not doing what you need to do. Do you think that that's kind of been something that's important for you is finding friends that you don't have to be with all the time? 100%. And again, I will be really transparent. A lot of my close friends don't even live within like 10 miles from me. Like to be really honest.

Speaker 3:21:46Um, you know, I'm, one of my best friends is my boyfriend and he lives like, you know, 60 miles down south in San Diego. And a lot of other people that I connect with, um, you know, one of my best friends, Harry and my other best friend Jack, I got, I do have a lot of male friends, but a lot of them get me through, um, the bullshit without, you know, covering up the shit, you know, did they tell me how it is? And that's also a tip too for any girls listening, like try having a lot of close male friends, because if you think about it, they're the type of people that don't say what you want to hear, they'll tell you straight up because that's a characteristic of a lot of men to be honest. Um, but they're socialized, right? That's how they showed.

Speaker 3:22:24They don't have drama, they don't really talk shit about each other either. Right. Right. To their face. And they're just like, they're like bro, like we don't like that. You know? And that's how it is for girls are very different. But, um, back to the main topic, you know, a lot of my close friends are like, I have one in New York a lot. One of my friends lives in Germany. Um, another one in Pennsylvania are quite a few in Pennsylvania. And so a lot of my friends are around the world. It's very global. But you know, that's why we have social media and that's why we have text message and facetime. And that's how I keep up with them. You know, a lot of these friends I call every day are not within 10 miles from me if I'm being really honest. And I think that's what has helped me because, um, you know, they don't give me a bias answer when I'm talking about something that's happening.

Speaker 3:23:04Like right now, you know, they don't, they can't see it. And so when I'm explaining to them, you know, they're going to give me an honest opinion. And when you are able to, what I kind of think of is like collaborate with these friends on building each other's lives up and you know, enhancing each other. I think that's really cool is one of my friends even pointed out that it's unique to I do this. It's, it's me being resourceful and I'm like, that's, that's true. I think other people should be resourceful as well in, in that you don't have to rely on the people that's in your house or next door to you or at school with you. You can call their people and still, you know, keep a lifestyle that's like what you want and still connect with the friends that are thousand miles away, you know?

Speaker 3:23:43Absolutely. So what, what is like in your average week, how much time do you spend with friends and other people versus how much time you spend on yourself or on your business and stuff? Yeah. Um, honestly Monday through Friday I'm pretty much to myself, like majority of the day, maybe like once or twice during Monday through Friday I might like go get dinner with friends or, um, maybe like if I'm really feeling for it, I'll like go grab like a drink or something. But usually it's just like dinner, like Sushi or, you know, just does it. Yeah, right. Or just like Italian, like I dunno what, what does go and eat and things. Like that's what I do with like my friends though. Usually it's not much else or maybe like shopping if even, but usually that's about it. And then on weekends I, I usually use that time more to socialize and usually hanging out with my boyfriend.

Speaker 3:24:31Um, but if not, then I'll be doing lunch or whatever with my friends and girlfriends and kind of doing more extravagant things just because during the week it's more limited and I have to like stay in your school and whatnot. But yeah, Monday through Fridays is a very, I'd say like a grinding time for me. You know, it's a lot of focus, a lot of dedication, a lot of repetition. It's, I try to put myself in a same routine as when I was training, when I grew up because I always look back and I knew I could have trained better in a way where I gave more effort. And if I'm being truthfully honest, if I had, I would have probably not be here right now. I'd probably be training with Team USA, um, of that level. So I always look back and regret that the, I didn't try hard enough.

Speaker 3:25:15So I always think now what can I do now to put myself in a better position in five years later to look back and say, yes, you, you allocated your time the best way possible while you were in college. So I get to this point of having this balance throughout your week and being able to take that alone time. I know for me, I definitely had a period where I was so out of balance, I was, as we talked about, I was partying, I was doing these were still an important and like had no purpose to them, but I don't think I would've gotten to a point of having any balance in my life had I not had those experiences. Would you say that that's kind of the same for you? Yeah. Um, you know, I obviously went through a partying phase as well and I think that was part of the reflection on what I realized, um, that I, I could have done better basically that, you know, I could've done better with my time.

Speaker 3:26:05I could have had better grades during this time. And that's part of college. I think every freshman and sophomore it's going to face that it's almost inevitable. So it's not something we need to kick ourselves for, but it's also something to really, especially by sophomore year is like really thinking about like, all right, where do I want my life to be? Because if you people like envy, um, women like Kylie Jenner for example, or women who were like 25 or 30, they're like married and how it really, it's quote unquote successful life and they're living large and whatnot and that's cool and all. But then what people don't really think about is where like Kylie Jenner spends a lot of her time, you know, and I'm not giving her credit for like her success in business because yes, she has had a team of people that have helped her.

Speaker 3:26:48But that's, if you think about that, that's just like the life they chose and then that's five years later, that's what they built, you know? And you have to really think ahead. You have to really think, okay, when I'm 25, what do I want my life to look at, look like? And then, and then work backwards from there because that's what these people are doing. And I always get really bothered when people envy other, especially women or other men or whatever that are just quote unquote really successful. But then there, what's sitting at home watching Netflix. Like I don't even have a TV in my apartment. I actually don't, I mean you've seen my apartment. I don't have a TV. We have a couch facing nothing like facing a blank wall. It's kind of funny. [inaudible] it's kind of funny. But yeah, I don't have a TV.

Speaker 3:27:30I haven't watched cable in over a year. I haven't watched Netflix, Hulu or anything for maybe two months now. Not that I even tried to at this point. Cause sometimes I'll like get the urge to like watch law and order cause it's my favorite show. But I just don't have time. I really don't. It's like, it's not just to the point where my schedule is so booked now that I really don't have time to do all these things. But it's a sacrifice. And after you do it for like two months it, you get used to it, you know? So I think for me I was afraid to have these goals and to work towards him cause I felt like that was going to take over my life and I wouldn't be able to still have fun. So how do you still have those goals and work towards them most of your time and be able to find that balance but also still have fun and still be a 21 year old.

Speaker 3:28:16Exactly. You know, I am still 21 so I sometimes forget that cause everyone's like, oh my God, you're like a mom or whatever. I'm like, no, no, not, not that. But yes, I will say I don't live like a 21 year old, um, as, as much as like most do. But I choose to do things as separate myself from, you know what my, bring me back to like a normal 21 year old life. Like for example, I don't live near school. As you know, I live in an apartment near law of like business professionals. It's in the center of Orange County and it's, you know, it's surrounded by different types of people that are doing things with their life and they're out of college already. And so I set myself up to be in an an environment that has people doing these things. Um, and then with that, I'm obviously still in college, so I still get to, I live a quote unquote young adult life, you know, kind of like a, anyone who lives in New York and they live in the city and he live in an apartment cause it's not like a college town, but they still how all their friends their age.

Speaker 3:29:11That's kind of like my life right now where I'm living, quote unquote in the city, you know, and I'm living in an apartment, I'm living with one roommate and I go about my day. We both go about our days by ourselves and you know, we have our people, you know, I have college and I have friends here and I have a sorority. I have this to come back to, to be a 21 year old, you know, but then I also have my own space to come back to where I don't have a TV, where my, like my living room is cleaned, my bedroom is made every day. Like I have, this is what I do, you know. So I, I keep that balance just because school I still have, um, but during the day and during my week, I just have a routine, you know, I wake up at this time, I go work out and then later on during the day I can implement other new plans that come up.

Speaker 3:29:54Maybe like get coffee with a friend after class for like quick, you know. So that's kind of how I keep the balances. Just making sure my normal routine is finished first so that I have time to make plans with other people or else I did for personally for me. And especially once you get disciplined, you don't want to throw yourself off of your right. Normal schedule. Yeah, totally. Yeah. What have been some struggles you've had? Cause, I mean, I know for myself when I decided to kind of switch and start working towards my goals and being more disciplined, there are some like last week, like I just had a rough week, you know? How do you, what are some struggles you've run into and how have you overcome them?

Speaker 4:30:31Okay.

Speaker 3:30:31Hmm. My struggles. I mean we all go through a lot, you know? Yeah. Do you have any like, specific struggles you think I should touch on or just like anything? Well, I know for me I just felt like when you have so much going on, and I, my car broke down last week and it was just so, it was frustrating because I had my day planned out, but I couldn't do certain things that I planned into my day that I needed to do. Yeah. Because I had to deal with this thing that happened. Gotcha. And you know, sometimes life happens, but yeah. So for me that was just so frustrating and that was like a struggle that I ran into. So something like that. Just little things that you've found that have been difficult with having a regimented life? Yeah.

Speaker 4:31:09Okay.

Speaker 3:31:10Um, I would say, I mean things that does well for me personally, I don't really let a lot of things kind of get to me as like plain, as simple as that sounds. I mean my energy g is very contained. I really value my energy. I value where my energy's put so when it comes up, but day by day schedule I usually am able to stick with it. Or if something kind of goes off track, I am able to just kind of bring it back to track, you know, and just kind of take one thing at a time. I think again, that's a practice of the mindset of practice on like my way of thinking, my way of approaching life. And so that's like just a muscle that has been practiced over time. But other things that will get me is maybe just like having a bad conversation with someone and that okay, she may tear down my energy.

Speaker 3:31:56So things like that I have found successful for me is, I usually call it one of my close friends. Um, his name is Harry and you know things like that and he lives up north cause he goes to school up north and when you're able to touch base with someone that understands you really well and is able to also logically navigate the thought process for you, that's really helpful. And I again advise other people to have someone, especially if you are an emotional type person or a reactive person, is have a close friend that is also a rational thinker so that they can rationalize what you're going through. You know, if you're bothered by so and so doing this were sown. So texting you this or whatever saying this about you, you know, that's where you can use the opportunity to practice and be like, all right, this is bothering me.

Speaker 3:32:42Who can I go speak to about this that I know will not just give me an emotional response to, you know, that's kind of how I've gone about my day. When things quote unquote go wrong, I'm usually able to text like a friend that's just not within the area that can speak to me about it because they have no bias on it, you know? So that's personally for me how I've dealt with it. Absolutely. That's, that's a good way to deal with it. And I think having those friends is so important that are going to give you that logical perspective on something to take away the emotion from you a little bit. Exactly. Exactly. You could give any advice to fresh, like a freshmen coming into college, not sure what they want to do. What advice would you give to them on how to keep the right mindset but also to have fun and like you said, you know, it's inevitable freshman, sophomore year you're going to kind of go or you don't have a bigger social life.

Speaker 3:33:31What advice would you give them? My best advice for any freshmen, any, you know, younger, um, you know, individuals, students think about, don't think about what job you want. Don't even think about what industry you want to be in because that's what they're teaching us in school is, all right, you want your major to line up with your industry or whatever you want, marketing or you know, major in business, whatever. My advice would be, think about what kind of life you want to live when you graduate or two years after you graduate. And not only that, but think about like even the things like what city do you want to be and what, what things do you want to be able to buy? You know, that doesn't mean you're materialistic, it just you, you got to think these things through because they don't even make finance a required class, for example.

Speaker 3:34:15So you know, sometimes you got to look, practice, budgeting, things like that because that is going towards the vision, right? If you want to like save up for a car, you're going to have to save up a certain amount per week, per month. So my, my ultimate advice is always just to think about where you want to be, where you want to go. And that's essentially it is called your vision and work back backwards from your vision. If you need to be in this, if you want to be living a certain life by the age of 25, what uh, what are three things you can do today to get to that life is like all I can say because that is more broad and then you narrow it down versus like, oh I think I want to be an accountant. Like no one's going to say that when they're 18 posts like fresh out of college, you know?

Speaker 3:34:58But it's important to think about the people that you idolize and is it like there's something about their life that you like, you know, and then reflect on what you can do to attain a similar lifestyle. Absolutely. Yeah. What do you think are some things that are going on in society that are going to try to throw you off balance and kind of 30 off the lane that you were talking about that we need to be aware of and how do we combat those? Personally for me, I think or personally for like people of our age, you know, in their twenties and then their teens. I think social media, there's a lot of people off. I think snapchat, there's a lot of it. I just think all of that, you know, viewing what other people are, there's people off and I think that's point blank. Just kind of like my answer.

Speaker 3:35:41But to come out that is kind of like I said before like delete your snapchat. Like just, just do it. You know you're not going to miss out and you're going to be able to log back in. If you just decide to get fomo a day later this fine. But you gotta start somewhere in, in realizing what bothers you. You know, if it's, if something bothers you and you always go back to do it, then that's on you. That's not on what's bothering you or whoever's doing something that's bothering you. You know what I mean? That's where I think is kind of what's happening in our society right now because social media is like huge. And I know everyone is talking about social media, but you know, and I love Instagram. You know, I, I use social media to like don't get me wrong, but like things, even smaller things too because something I do right now and I, I kept snapchat, but what I do is I don't have notifications on so I can never tell when someone sends me a snap because uh, yeah.

Speaker 3:36:30So then exactly. So, and it's also in the back page of my iPhone, so you have to scroll to the back to get to the APP. So even when I'm bored, I forget, I have snapchat and then by the end of the day I'm like, oh, I do have snapchat. So I'll click on it and I'll have like 10 notifications. I'm like pretty cool. I get to see these are right now, no, it's really crazy. I'm doing, I've been doing for like a month. I'd say I have like maybe a couple months before I deleted it, brought it back, deleted it. But now I just keep it by turn notifications off. So I can't tell when I get a snapchat, things like that. So Instagram to Facebook, whatever, like do the same thing. That's how you can navigate what society's giving us right now because we're being given, you know, social media but don't just be a dumb consumer and there's so much overload on there and it really screws with your head.

Speaker 3:37:14But the thing is, I mean you and I both use Instagram and I post on my story, I go sick you post. But I think the difference is like for me, I don't really scroll through. I don't really watch people's stories and I'll watch them occasionally, but the, I'm not really keeping up with what people are doing everyday. And I think that's so important. Like you said. Is there anything else like you think is really just contributed to you being able to keep your life in balance? Uh, I think ultimately it's just always been, I know I call myself a visionary, you know, I'm like a solver kind of visionary. Like I, I just, I really know like the type of life I want to live, I know who I want in it. And again, that's taken a lot of time obviously, but I think it's because I've faced so much adversity.

Speaker 3:37:56Like I said, I went from one year of having like no friends, like no boyfriend to like, you know, coming back, like dating the same person for over three years and, you know, keeping some friendships along the line, but then making new friendships at this new school that I transferred to. So it all came from, you know, you gotta, you gotta you can't let like life pick you. You know, you're going to have to pick your life and if you let life pick you, you're probably going to complain about it. And you know, you're probably going to talk shit about the people in your life. And that's, that's just human nature. Look around and like see what people are doing because that's, that's what they're doing, you know. And so I've kept my life in check just by making sure I chose what happened in my life, you know, like life, like, like the quote says like, like life didn't happen to me.

Speaker 3:38:38Like, you know, life happens for me, you know? Um, and my dad would always tell me to like, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of what you do with it or something. So these are just the things I think about every single day and I just become wiser each day on what I do, what I consume and who I surround myself with. And before we end, I, what are some things that it's like books, podcasts, things. It keeps you on track throughout your day that you would recommend to listeners on how they can kind of switch their mindset. Yes, so definitely reading. I do read about 30 to 45 minutes per day, either right off the morning or right before I go to bed. It's usually right before I go to bed, but I book, I'm reading right now for the second time, it's called how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie.

Speaker 3:39:25I highly recommend that book. I'm pretty sure every adult who has read that book and recommend that book, it's pretty, it's a pretty common book. Another book that I am very passionate about is called hum. Well, I almost oh, subtle, subtle art of not giving a fuck. I totally heard Mark Manson. Yes, it's a bright orange book. You just can't miss it. It's everywhere. But that's, that book is great for people who are just starting. So anyone who's like listening and not in that mindset like realm yet or not really like fully persistent about getting your shit together yet. Just start with that book and you'll kind of see why I said all the things I just said today. Um, those are the two books I highly recommend. Even like the book, the power of mindset or something or the power, the power of habits. Sorry that that's the book.

Speaker 3:40:11And then I'm rich Dad, poor dad. That's a good finance book. Really. I recommend that for college kids because I think a lot of people forget how to budget. We don't get taught that. So learn how to budget. Just go into like Google docs or Google excel sheets and there's like templates already that teacher had a budget. So things like that. That's how, um, that's, that's what I do. And that's what I read a podcast at unfuck yourself. Have you read that one? No, I haven't. Oh my gosh. I'm going to give you, okay. He's like very straight to the point and I love the way he delivers his message. It's kind of savage but like what we need to love. I love the soft stuff. Yeah, the subtle art of not giving a fuck he's, he delivers in a savage really funny way. I kind of laughed my ass off.

Speaker 3:40:50Yeah, it's really great. Podcasts wise, I really listened. I really like to listen to Tim Ferriss on the podcast. He's really good. Lewis Howes, house school of greatness. He's really good. He's got another one that's very transparent and real like I listen to some people before that. It's almost like a little too like trans and I know I'm just like, please just lay it all these years. I do like listening to men, so I don't know. I'm just weird. Another one, Tony Robbins podcast, he's like my favorite. I low key want to work for his team because they're based in San Diego. But yeah, we'll see. But yeah, those are my core books and podcasts I listened to. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show, Emily, and of course how to do this interview. Thank you for having me, Kelly. Thank you so much for listening to my first interview with Emily [inaudible].

Speaker 3:41:38In order to connect with her on social media, you can find her at Emily, he do wrong, or you can follow her business account at elite skate wear in order to check out her blog. You can go to Emily She has lots of great lifestyle tips and Hacks, so I would definitely recommend checking it out if you want to find the books and podcasts Emily mentioned at the end, just check out the show notes and I'll have links to all of them for you in the interview. Emily talked a lot about social media and the impact it has on society. Tune in next week for an interview with somebody who completely went on a social media cleanse and to this day still does not use social media during the week, only on the weekends. You won't want to miss it.

Speaker 5:42:23Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode of beyond the surface. If this resonated with you, please share it with a friend, family member, or even to your favorite social media platform and keep in touch. You can head to my website, [inaudible] dot com and hit subscribe so you can be notified at further episodes. Until next time.

See All Episodes