If you want to grow on social media, but your head gets in the way you are in the right place. In today's episode, I have a special guest Steph toll ed. She is a comedian. She has opened for bill Burr. She goes viral, constantly online, and I'm lucky enough to call her a pal from a past life.  In this episode, Steph is going to give you some fundamental rules to live by,  to help you deal with the abs and flows of social media. Deal with the mental game of having haters and the most important thing of all leaning into who you are authentically and why that is at the end of the day, the key to success on social media. 

Now, listen, if you got kiddos in the car, this is not the episode for you. Steph's whole thing is she is crass. She is loud. She swears I don't think I'm going to be able to bleep out all of these swear words. And there are some, there are some doozies, okay.  This is the only business podcast out there that is going to say.  Some words, some words that your grandma would shut her at, but that Steph's whole thing. 

And she doesn't compromise her authenticity. 

For any reason, including content. So.  All that to say, may I introduce you to your new favorite comedian? Steph Tolev.



  Stuff, you were always going to be famous. Like, no question. It was always going to happen.  And No.  But I don't think so. That's nice of you to say.  , I just don't think that social media and TikTok deserves all the credit, but it's  undeniably been a huge part of what has made you, , blow the F up lately.

Yeah?  Yes, it was a combination of that and Burr.  Like me on  Netflix special and then Bill Burr being like, she's funny and people going, Oh shit, she is funny. So it was a, I'd say it's like a 50, 50 combo,  I got about 50k followers after the Netflix, special. Right. Well, but you were already on the up and up, right?

And then you get a shout out, which kind of in business land would act like a referral. But one person who everyone respects says we trust her. So then everyone trusts you on top of that. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.  I wanted to ask, because your comedy is, you know, you're crass, you're bald, you're blue, like you do what you want.

And I know that a lot of my listeners and small business owners, they get so scared about what to post online. And  it never looks like you've ever doubted yourself. And you've always just been 110 percent unabashedly you. Would you say that that's yes, that is true. But I will say there are a lot of downfalls to how gross I am and how vulgar I am.

I I've been banned on every platform badly, badly. TikTok right now, I'm on another one. Instagram, I just got off one where my views would go from like a million to like a hundred. So they really punish you for stuff.  Especially as a woman. So if you're a woman listening, uh, it's much harder because all my male comedian friends can say penis, dick, fuck shit.

And they get no repercussions.  But as a woman, I say one little thing. I get, I posted one video in Winnipeg, about a guy  for six months. He never once went down on her. So I posted this clip. It was going crazy viral. Like it was like literally a million in the gate. I guess he got a bunch of people to report it for hate speech.

So Instagram put me on a month long hate speech ban.  Did you name him? I  I did not name him and you cannot see his face.  It's the back of his head and it's like black, so you can't tell what it is. It's just like a shadow.  Yeah. He was just embarrassed, obviously, because people were like coming at him  as they should.

Uh, I, but I will say also as somebody who's posting, if you're like thinking of getting into like more social media stuff, it's easier to post as yourself. It's easier to be genuine. And I think, especially for comedy, I'm not sure what other people are doing, but for comedy, that's the people who really like me because they like how genuine I am.

So I feel like, and it's, again, easier to be yourself. I see people doing other things and I'm like, wow, who is that? Like, and then I see them in person and I'm like, you're not even, how are you acting like somebody else all the time? It's bizarre.  Oh my god.  That's such a simple way of saying, like, the key to it all, that authenticity, but people get so scared, right?

And then especially you, you've experienced these very real repercussions for being your 100, 000 percent authentic self, which is like.  This hilariously dirty person. So, do you ever question that? And if you are questioning it in your head, how do you go, you know what, screw it, I'm just going to be me? 

Uh, I don't question it. What I do now is  I just bleep out the fucks, bleep out the pussies, and then, uh, keep everything else in. Cause I don't give a shit. Cause all my videos that, uh, Are  the most crass and the most vulgar? Those go viral. So they act like that's not what you want.

And it not what the algorithm wants, but it is.  Okay, so you do pay attention to like what works and then do more of it in terms of I try, yes, but I will say like, as somebody who's had like a bunch of our videos, you think if you get something like, so I did this creepy girl video, me and my boyfriend, we did like three in a row that were like going really well, and then we did a fourth one and it completely bombed.

So you think you're on a roll doing one thing, I think right now what's happening is we're so oversaturated with content on every, every platform that it's like really hard to break through that barrier and get that, that next big to go viral. Right. And so you're just kind of always honing in on a balance between what seems to get views and what your like creative artist mind thinks is what's going to work next.

Exactly. And I will say anytime that I think something is so funny, it bombs. So I'll post a clip and I'm like, Oh man, this is my funniest riff. I'm so smart. I'll do so badly. Then I'll post like that. That creepy girl video I was talking about. I don't find it funny. I find it stupid and I find it hack.

Guess what? We're at 6 million views. I'm like, okay, well I guess people like stupid and hack. So it's also like, if this is my topic, we'll just start posting, just post. If it doesn't do well, take it down in like a week or two, or something like, I've had videos that pop off later, not that late, like later on, but like, who cares?

There's so much content out there, if you like it, just post it. The thing is, people think that when a post doesn't do well, that everyone is looking at them, everyone noticed, and everyone knows that post didn't do well. No. Half the people didn't see it, and it didn't even get pushed at all into anybody's algorithm. 

So, just, just post it. I'm just so glad you said that. Cause you know this thing where like, if mom tells you that you don't believe her, but if Steph tells you that you don't believe her. Then you must believe me. I mean, I post, I have like a very, I'm so rigorous, I have my post schedule right here. I have every single day I have something written.

I, I'm crazy. My post schedule is like, I set alarms to when I post things, I'm like so over the top rigorous. I don't know if it helps, but it's, it keeps me like, kind of centered, I guess. Cause it's like, I literally, as, as we started this meeting, I was like, in the middle of uploading a bunch more clips, cause it's like, it never ends.

Social media has it's own fucking job.  Okay, I would love to hear you say that, because especially when someone's content is really fun, it's easy for everyone. Everyone looking at you assumes, oh, this comes naturally to her, it's just a God given gift, and she just rips, and she just posts, and it's so good.

So it's really beautiful to hear that you're like, no, I have a plan. I have some semblance of a plan, and I'm taking this seriously as my career. Yeah, and I have to  watch my own content and find crowd work stuff, and I edit it all myself, and I put all the captions in.  It's insane the amount of work that goes into this.

It's annoying to be honest. I, I don't like it, but it seems to be helping like ticket sales and like, you know, my career. So I have to keep doing it. Right, right. Yeah. And that's why I asked you to come on today because, um, this article from the CBC talking about how TikTok is like popping off careers and social media in general is popping off careers.

And then, you know what the article that I saw? Right after that, that CTV posted like yesterday is,  Has social media for brands gotten too crass and have we gone too far?  Oh, get a grip. I literally, I should show you what I bought. I bought something because I get targeted on Instagram, a keychain that says, I'm not like other girls.

I have hemorrhoids. And I bought one for me and my sister. I'm like, this is the funniest thing on the planet. And now I'm going to post it. And I'm sure, I hope people will buy it too, because I'm like, I don't know why, I don't know where this idea, especially in Canada. I don't know why Canada, happy Canada.

I don't know why Canada is like, We don't like crass. We don't. We're all disgusting pigs. That's why I get so pissed when Canada's CBC's like, We can't post this. You can't say the F word. What, no one says fuck anymore? Everyone does. If you don't want to watch that, then just turn to the next video. I don't know why everyone all of a sudden acts like everything's a cruise ship.

Like, we all talk like this. We all think like this. Everyone's kind of gross.  So it's bizarre when it's like, I'm not saying like, I want you to be gross, it's going to help you, but just be yourself. I don't know. Well, that's exactly it. So I think part of it comes from abundance mindset. Whether you're an abundance girlie or not doesn't matter.

I feel like I always have to preface it with that. But you have to have the mindset that there literally are, like you just said, that video has 6 million views. There are millions, there are billions. Billions of people out there and you have to believe that when you are yourself, you will find your people and that your people exist in abundance.

Yes. And there's no harm. That's why I'm like, there's no harm in trying. Like sometimes I'll see someone's TikTok and it's like one video goes completely viral and the rest of theirs has like four views. But like, if that could be the one thing, if it's somebody who's like selling something or whatever they're doing business wise, if that video goes off, they can get all those eyes on them.

So it's really, just post. Like, there's no harm in posting. You're not losing money. Just post. , there's no, there's no downside. And people also love people, right? They, they fall in love with you. People want to buy from a person on a brand. So, do you actually, do you ever post, I don't think I've spotted this, but do you ever post, , lifestyle content that's more just you kind of living your life?

Or do you always do, , sketches and stand up and, comedy,  I guess. Yeah, that I don't know. Some people have asked me to do my makeup routine. I'm like, I have rosacea. I'm actually quite embarrassed by my red face. So I don't like to show it a lot. I don't really do that kind of stuff. I don't know.

I probably I guess I should. I don't I don't know what I would do for that, though. I guess I get so hung up on like, people thinking that if I don't post funny, funny, funny content around and follow me, because that's what they like signed on for.  Um, but what I was going to say, one thing that I just, for any like women, especially who are listening, it doesn't matter what you do or what you post, a man will troll you.

So if that's your worry, you need to know right now, that's a sad, lonely piece of shit. And he doesn't like I, cause I thought it was just me. I get told every single morning, I wake up, I open my phone, someone says I'm fat, someone says I'm ugly, someone says I'm a trans, every single morning, every single day.

That's how I start my day. I open my phone, I go, okay, I block like four men and I go on with my day. That's what happens every day.  And then I was, I talked to my friend who has like an, she makes earrings and she was like, Oh yeah, I get trolled. I'm like, what? She's like, Oh yeah, I'll get  trolled. What fat bitch is making these earrings?

Like it's literally insane. So if that's, if that's something that's like deter you from posting, it doesn't matter what you post. It doesn't matter if your face is in it, it doesn't matter what you do. You will be trolled by a disgusting man. So that's just like you, that's just part of it. And that's just, you have to completely get past that because that'll never end.

So your, your strategy for that is basically just accept that it's a truth and move on. It's, and it will be. It doesn't matter, like, it's, I, I see comics who I like think are beautiful like Sarah Silverman and guys are like, you're so ugly and fat. I'm like, okay, well now we're just being stupid. Like, I don't know what to tell you, she's fucking gorgeous.

So it's very bizarre and it's never going to end. Like, I, I don't know, it's gotten worse somehow in the past, I don't know, past three weeks. I don't know what's going on, but I've had to block, like, I've blocked a hundred guys this week,  like that many. It's that on all platforms.  YouTube's been the worst recently for comments, but it's across all.

TikTok is usually the nicest, because somebody will say something that a bunch of people will come back at them, but Instagram and YouTube, you're going to get comments.  So I usually give a more strategic approach to like handling negative comments, but I actually, I think I might just adopt yours because that sounds way better, but people like to have like action steps.

And one of my action steps is respond or don't like, like delete them or block them or ignore them or don't because  your mom and your best friend and your biggest fans are going to come in and some of them are going to either shoot back at the person or they're going to leave a nice comment when they wouldn't have otherwise.

So I've seen  big creators that will pin the meanest. Stuff,  . Oh, I see, I see. I feel like, yeah, if it's mine are like really mean, like mine are like so hateful that I'm like, I don't even wanna give this guy any attention. And of course it's a man, so  I immediately am like, you know what, no, you're done.

You're blocked from everything. I blocked him on him from social media. I'm like, I don't, I don't even have the time and the bandwidth anymore to be like,  I don't care. So if you like need the comments and you want that engagement, maybe leave it up. But I'm like, if you are just someone like me, who's like already kind of self conscious and just doesn't want to read that shit, just immediately block them.

And then you forget about it. You're like, okay, yeah, that's fine. And then you never say that again. Good. You're right. It does take way more energy to engage. It does. And it's like, it's, you're never going to win because they'll get their friends to come in and say stuff too. And it's just like a circle of hate.

And it's like, you don't need to spend your day looking at that. Okay. One more tough question on the tough mental game of it all, but when like views ebb and flow, they just ebb and flow. It's gonna happen just like business, just like tap, tap, tap, just like business does. Um, so how do you mentally handle when it's ups and downs? 

You just,  you just have to know that like, you can't, I, I, I, it took me like four years into doing this to now not, not care, but it was really like, I would delete something if I didn't get like 500 views in an hour, I'd be like, it sucks. And I'm like, what am I doing? This is crazy. You have to, it's really hard, but you have to post and then like, put your phone away.

Don't look at it, let it do whatever, as organically, you can't get your head about it, but it is, it is frustrating, especially if you've posted something that does work. And especially if you're like, I think this is amazing. And then it bombs its fucking dick off that that's when it's like,  I appreciate this.

I don't think there's really a rhyme or reason to anything on here. There really isn't. So it's like, you just have to just throw it all out there and see sticks. That's really all it is.  what you like, like don't start slop, but like throw out stuff that you're proud of.  Yeah, and experiment, right?

It's all a big experiment. 

 And in terms of like accepting these things as truths. I love this. , the sales content for businesses or for you, like selling tickets, it's always going to have lower numbers across the board because everyone in Texas cares that you have a show in Texas and nobody else does, but you still have to post it and you still have to let it have fewer views because that's its job.

Yes. That's exactly his job. Yeah. And I was gonna say something about people. If they don't have like a really good camera or whatever it is, I have posted stuff that literally looks like it was filmed on a Nokia flip phone from 1995. Yeah. And it has gone viral. So I guess sometimes I'll post it, stand up and it's like four HD cameras and the sound is amazing.

I'm like, Oh, this is the one. And then I'll post it for the next day where it's blurry and you can't even see my face and it'll like get a million views. I'm like, so it really, if that's stopping you, you don't need some professional setup, clean your lens on your phone and get good lighting. That's all I need to say to you.

Good lighting, clean lens. That's it.  This is what I tell them. I'm so glad that they're going to listen to you, Steph. I'm so glad. Okay, so, um,  download this. Keep it on your phone. Anytime you do, oh, should I post this? Oh, I don't know. Oh, maybe I look fat. Oh, maybe it won't work. You play this episode, you hear Steph's voice, and she is saying, take it from her. 

Over half a million coming up on a million followers soon. I'm sure on TikTok quarter million on Instagram. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's let's we're way, way lower than that. Listen, I'm like 700 K on TikTok to 52 20 on Instagram.  Let's I know my numbers. I'm crazy.   By the time they listen to this episode later this week, it'll probably be.

Okay, okay.  Anyway, listen to Steph. Dude, thank you so much for being here. It's also just so nice to see you. And I know I haven't seen you in so long. What the heck? You're honestly going to inspire so many people just with this advice. Okay, good. I'm glad. I'm glad. Thank you for having me.