Straight Gay Reviews
Welcome to SGR - Straight Gay Reviews! Yes, I'm Gay, hence the name. I'm Rumeal; it's like Ru Paul & a Meal you'd eat! Feel free to share this with anyone; SGR started as a movie review channel, which I did with a friend. However, it has morphed into something I love doing: learning from others and networking. There are many different segments; I hope you have time to listen to them when you can, and they provide value in your world. Oh, if you want the visuals check us out on YouTube.
Straight Gay Reviews
Relationship Realism: Are You Jealous? From Friendship To Lovers
Dive into the intricate world of jealousy with us as we unravel its complexities in friendships and relationships. This episode exposes the emotional rollercoaster that jealousy can invoke, leading to misunderstandings and discomfort within your social circles. From the feelings that stem when a close friend begins dating to how previous relationship trauma shapes our reactions today, we explore the multifaceted nature of jealousy and its implications for our interactions.
Throughout our discussion, we highlight the importance of communication in mitigating jealousy. Listeners will gain insights on how to express feelings openly to foster stronger connections, whether with friends or partners. We also tackle the challenge of maintaining balance among various relationships. Juggling friendships and romantic obligations can lead to feelings of neglect, and arising jealousy, making awareness and proactive discussion vital.
Furthermore, we explore the concept of the “80-20 rule,” emphasizing how a primary relationship may provide a significant amount of emotional support but often overlooks fulfilling specific needs that friendships cover. Listeners might find themselves reflecting on their own experiences with jealousy and how those moments shaped their relationships.
We invite you to listen, share your thoughts, and engage in this conversation about the emotional intricacies of friendships and romance. Subscribe to our podcast for more discussions that deepen your understanding of relationship dynamics!
It's your boy, sgr.
Speaker 2:Manny, hi everyone.
Speaker 1:And it's Shrinking Reviews Relationship Realism, hi everybody. So today we're going to get right into the topic, because F the Rasta forget the pasta Jealousy. Jealousy in friendships, jealousy in relationships, jealousy when it comes to social stalking, because y'all know that.
Speaker 1:Y'all be on that Invest the energy into different things and time divided with a new relationship. So like what does it look like when we talk about the basics Jealousy with a friendship. So like we got a friendship. What does it look like? Like, you know, you don't have men say certain things to you because obviously we're friends of the opposite sex, best friends of the opposite sex.
Speaker 2:What does it look like? I mean, I think it's men, in particular, who are a little harder when it comes to jealousy, especially when, like, their girlfriend has a guy who's their best friend. Um, because there are so many men, based on their own interactions with women, that really feel like men and women can't be just friends, that there has to have been at some point.
Speaker 1:Somebody wanted someone and I found, like, and I found, and I feel you know what I found and felt, and all of the dull emotions, because all my emotions all over the place is like that could have been true, like when, like when I first met you I mean, I'm not gonna lie, you're a very beautiful woman Like I did try to talk to you, but that was before I realized who I really was, and all of that good stuff. But on top of that, we ain't never did nothing, which is kind of funny to me, because people always assume one thing or another about something. But like, let's dive a little bit deeper into the jealousy of the friendship. You know what I'm saying. Do you ever find yourself feeling jealous of somebody else in the relationship way Like oh dang, this person is hanging out with this person or vice versa, and then try to do a pop-up? Does that make sense? Do you ever?
Speaker 2:I've never done it, but I understand people who do so for me because I am someone who is open in communication about my different friendships and I shared on the prime time with harlem about how different friends mean different things and people come into our lives for different reasons and we all have different lives for different reasons and we all have different friends for different reasons.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:So I can't do the same things with one friend that I do with another, and it's also important to realize that not one person can be everything to you, that we have different people in our lives for different reasons.
Speaker 1:That goes back to the 80-20 rule and I had a conversation with a friend about that and I did speak a little fast there. So the 80-20 rule for those you know. I don't want you guys to go back to all the episodes, we'll break it down. You get 80% of what you need out of one relationship and you find the other 20% whatever else. I kind of pushed a friend recently. You know she's back in the dating pool and she's dating a gentleman and after talking to him she's finding more and more out about him and maybe he's not fulfilling that need of that 20%, but that 80% he's fulfilling a lot of what she's she's she's finding and kind of just wanting to jump into a relationship.
Speaker 1:Because investing time in relationship with jealousy kind of becomes a little bit different. One of the things that I find myself that I get frustrated in and I feel like it's kind of hard not losing yourself. But how do you find the time and the balance? Like if you're dating someone you really fill in and then you get a relationship with them. Do you find yourself forgetting your obligations? Like obviously your mom first and I hate to say that your mom first, but Like obviously you're a mom first, and I hate to say that you're a mom first, but you're a mom first. You're working well. How do you balance those things? And then you know we'll invert and go to me.
Speaker 2:First. My son is everything, so he has to be always my main priority. So whatever job, whatever relationship, they have to respect the fact that anything that comes up with the kid is first. But finding the balance in getting into a relationship I'm not in a relationship, but leaning towards one right now and finding balance. We have like an opposite type of thing. Of course, he's a single dad. He gives his child on the weekends. I have my child during the week. So trying to figure out ways to are we mixing the kids early or are we waiting? Our kids have already met because that's how we met was, because of our kids.
Speaker 2:Just being honest about what you need is the only way to find the balance of.
Speaker 2:I still need to work this amount of hours, I still need to be able to do these things, I still need to be able to be open and honest, and you just have to find a partner that understands that.
Speaker 2:My last little situation is the situation that he was just so much more so traumatized in his last relationships that he could never get past and move into the relationship that we were trying to move into because he was so stuck on. I don't want anyone to do anything for my kids. I could then just stop, and then I got to explain to my kids why this happened. Or I don't do anything without being asked, or I don't do, I don't do, I don't do and these were all coming from things that he may have done in the past, but because he was hurt, he was traumatized um that he could never move forward, and then he had this part of him that was just stuck you know and it's funny because I had a conversation over the weekend that was on someone's live, tiktok, and we kind of and this, this juxtapositions like there's a lot of different things here.
Speaker 1:I do feel like our past relationship, drama and trauma does lead to how we shape and what we want from our next, but you feel like at times, that does provide jealousy that you don't even know. You know what I'm saying. Like today I was on a live with somebody and I saw somebody that was in the live. I'm like dang, I like you, and it wasn't anything that he was doing wrong, but like that made my brain go to this, which was, I'm not feeling, the greatest in my head right now what do I want when I go to lives? What do I want to be known for? Because this person is doing X and Y and I'm like it goes back to their passion. They want to be known for Z, x, y, z. How are you going live? And how is this bringing back to this? And I was explaining this to the gentleman that I'm, you know, interested in right now and I was appreciative that I could have the conversation, because I feel like in the past, conversations like that don't exist.
Speaker 2:It's been hard to have those conversations with certain people who have not at least recognized their trauma or the fact that they may be a little bit jealous. So that last situation. Of course you know, everyone knows, that I'm openly dating others until someone convinces me that there shouldn't be Right Not sleeping with. Please stop getting that confused.
Speaker 1:To me, and this is one of those types of things that you got to do and got to say I laugh, because just because I'm dating different people or trying to figure that out does not mean that I'm having sex with all of these people.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, you can have a relationship yeah, it's just getting to know someone. It's just going to dinner or the movies or to a wine tasting or whatever else, or just being on the phone getting to know someone. Because the thing about it is, I believe we all cut off everyone else entirely too soon before we allow people to truly show who they are. When people take off their mask Because in the beginning it's all fun and games People will do what they need to do to pursue you. The thing is, in the pursuit, people put on masks, they hide different things, but later on, when they show you who their character is, you go oh, I might actually want to be in this play, like I might not like this clown. I might not want to be in this circus, I might not want to play with this monkey. Let's move on. Let's do something else. Um, and it's okay. But not allowing yourself to to date others is how you learn who you are. You learn what you'll tolerate, what you'll accept.
Speaker 1:It'll keep you from settling and I feel like that's like again, obviously we're talking about jealousy I feel like we sometimes get to the point where we see something, we want something, and when you settle for it, you're not seeking what you need. So then when you want something, you're like dang and, in an analogy term, okay, my favorite thing over chocolate vanilla. I love vanilla cake. Give me vanilla cake with vanilla frosting or buttercream, love it. If chocolate's in front of me and chocolate been pursuing me, I'm like you know, I might, I might end up chocolate, but if I see vanilla cake, I'm like dang, I might want some vanilla cake.
Speaker 2:But that's the jealousy. But I had a um a friend who said to me the other day to stop dating my type, then give someone else who's actively been pursuing you the opportunity. They may not be your type, it may shock you, it may surprise you. And Quincy I mentioned him on the last episode is not my type. Basically Shout out to Glow. I like them tall, brown and a little bit ugly. But but we know why?
Speaker 2:But shout out to Glow, I mean my type was actually still fulfilling a lot of the things that I didn't know I needed. The certain I'm an overthinker. He overly communicates. Um, I'm a like someone who plans. He plans everything to to a t and already thinks about the little details and thinks ahead like well beyond what you, most men, typically do and that right there is very important and I think that communication is the key.
Speaker 1:It's reality Me talking to you, me texting you, me calling you, me, this. I'm not expecting you to answer my text immediately. I feel like that's illogical, but this kind of goes into the social stalking aspect. You know I'm guiding the conversation because I've gotten this, but if you're on Facebook, you're on Instagram, you're on Tik TOK, you know whatever else, and you have not had the opportunity to get to me. That's odd to me. Like that does something to my brain because I'm in a communications field and like we have umpteenth amount of resources and I'm okay with you giving me feedback, texting me, calling me, whatever, but at the same token and this is again me, communicate with me, don't communicate at me, don't assume what you think is happening. You know, um, maybe we'll go into a quick story time and tell this, but, like for me, don't assume what you don't know. That is a big peeve of mine. Like, don't assume what you don't know. That is the biggest peeve of mine. Like, don't assume what you don't know. You are assuming you think you have all the facts.
Speaker 2:And that's the thing about it is I find it interesting. You know that I'm behind in text messages, emails, voicemails, sorry.
Speaker 1:Not much.
Speaker 2:I learned in the last year that saying no and prioritizing me is self-care. So to the 1200 text messages that I have not gotten to, I don't feel like doing it. And then I'm someone who commits. So if I go through your messages, I want to have the whole conversation, I want to follow up, I want to make sure it is, and then I'm getting to a place where your emergency is not mine and I am someone who takes on everyone else's feelings, emotions. I'm an empath. I have learned to not take on everybody else's things and to prioritize what I have. I've gotten better now when I'm having a conversation with somebody, that if I'm venting or having a conversation, I pause now and say do you have the space to take this on? But it's also the assumption that because you sent me a text message and then that I'm on social media, that I'm, that it's rude that I'm not responding to you. The thing about it is I may only have the capacity to want to scroll right now.
Speaker 1:That's okay and this is what I'm going to say. Clarity is key, communication is key. What you taught me. And again, if I'm reaching out and I'm telling you happy birthday, reply to me, because that takes time out of my day. If it's been days, cool, not tripping, but don't watch his story, don't watch my story. To me that's disrespectful. But again, that's how I feel. Again, that's how I feel.
Speaker 2:Again, that's how I feel, yeah, and you're entitled to how you feel, just like people are entitled to. I sent money up a million things, but her story is crazy right now. I understand that and you are entitled to how you feel, but I'm also entitled to care for myself in a way that I want to care for myself. Um, scrolling social media or posting a story doesn't mean that I'm in the best headspace. It doesn't mean that I don't care about whatever it is that you had maybe had called me about, or that last situation I got moving on um situation. He literally would say that I have sundays off, but then I don't hear from you on sundays. Did you call me?
Speaker 1:we talked about that. That was an outing, that wasn't a date, like on some real stuff I mean, did you text me?
Speaker 2:the same way you're sitting here tripping about oh monica didn't call me um money, didn't call me, whatever, whatever. Or she didn't text me and she knew I was off. Those same brain cells could have just hit me. It's like oh monica didn't call me um monique didn't call me, whatever, whatever. Or she didn't text me and she knew I was off. Those same brain cells could have just hit me and text message or call me well, you know, you did say that said person wanted to be a bad bitch.
Speaker 1:So I feel and this is a I feel a ghetto sgr I feel that oftentimes people want to be the prize and they want to be chased, that oftentimes people want to be the prize and they want to be chased. And for you to be chased and for you to be the prize, you have to be giving me something that I don't have in my life. Yes, and if you're a debit or you're, you're a problem yeah, so the same said person.
Speaker 2:We had a conversation about relationships and men paying all of the bills, and what is it that a woman can offer? If a man's paying all of the bills? What is it a woman offering? Is that just sex and a clean house and a fresh cooked meal? Is that all she's worth? And I said, I feel like that's what you're putting as the qualifiers, because women are worth way more than that. And just because you're a provider and providing all of the necessities for us to live doesn't mean that cooking and cleaning and all of that is any less than what you're doing, just like saying stay at home, moms aren't working.
Speaker 1:That right there, like I have a friend who is a stay-home mom and she recently got back into the workforce and her husband was, you know. He's like oh dang, this ain't getting done, this ain't like. You do realize that she did all of this stuff and now that both of you guys are working, there's a different reality and again, this is my outside, like no one's brought that to my attention, but it's a different reality. What you think that, but as I'm saying what you think, somebody may have time for you don't know.
Speaker 2:The thing about it is there's not one thing that leads to a divorce. I love the saying that everybody always says what was the straw that broke the camel's back? It's never the straw. What was all the things that was on the camel's back that made it heavy in my marriage?
Speaker 2:The shift in our marriage was when I went from being a stay-at-home mom to back to being a working mom. The fact that my spouse could not pick up everything or anything to support in that transition and all he could focus on was the lack thereof intimacy. But at the same time, I went from being a full-time student and full-time mom. Stay at home, yes, but I was pursuing two master's degrees while still taking care of our son. Then, when I went back to work, I stepped straight into a big girl job. Shout out to my mom and the support that she provided to me. I didn't have one of those stair-step jobs. I was able to complete college without having to work. I was able to focus on my studies.
Speaker 2:And then to my ex-husband when I pursued my master's degree. Shout out to him for allowing me to stay home while I pursued my master's degrees. I did not have. I had the privilege of staying home while pursuing.
Speaker 2:But when I went back to work I did have getting our son to the firm daycare and I have a kiddo with superpowers getting him also to his therapy session after daycare. That's after working a 40 to 50 hour work week and then coming home cooking, cleaning all that. I'm tired, and especially if you take into the notion that I had never been in the workforce, I had never done 40 hours. I had an internship, a real cute internship, shout out to them I might go back there soon, but I had never done a 40 hour work week up until then. So this shift in my body, the shift in my mindset of still doing that. But then I stepped in to end up becoming a a single married woman, or someone who had a husband but was still single, because I still handled everything for my child on my own, even though I had a spouse so funny.
Speaker 1:One thing that I'll say and this kind of goes both ways topic of subject of like today is jealousy. Like I don't think people realize there's jealousy and I'm not. I need you to hear me. There was probably jealousy on your, your part, for your ex-husband, because when you started doing more, you were probably expecting him to do more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just expectation, just just a little bit uh, Definitely there was jealousy in the fact of when he got off work he could come home and kill.
Speaker 2:You get to start on the game. I was going to be the one running the kid around, I was going to be the one coming home, cooking and cleaning and cooking and all of the things, and I was going to stare at you, chill on that couch and play the game. And then, on his end, I literally graduated with a master's degree, I step into a girl job and I make more than you. So then it's like I got my ego stroked somewhere else because the jealousy of that that's the part that's like not acknowledged.
Speaker 1:That's the part that people don't want to have that conversation of and maybe, you know, that's a different topic for a different day, like relationships that you're, you know, not necessarily jealous of, but the tension and the things that happen. Yeah, when you do this, you know what I really want to try something different today, and when I'm talking about this, we're probably going to end this right here, but I what I really want to try something different today, and we're not talking about this, we're probably going to end this right here, but I want to try something?
Speaker 2:Are you open to trying something?
Speaker 1:I'm always open to trying something. Okay. Well, this has been SGR and Mani and we're going to end right here.
Speaker 2:Bye everyone.
Speaker 1:Bye y'all.