33 years trampling hearts for sales. Then his own heart got trampled

What happens when the very tactics that make you successful in business destroy everything that matters at home? Phil Herrington spent 33 years perfecting the art of aggressive sales - cold calling, door-to-door, trampling over objections and people alike. He called himself "a rhino" because he bulldozed through relationships for quick wins.

"30 calls a day keeps poverty away" was his mantra. He made millions by treating every interaction as a transaction, every person as a target, every relationship as disposable.

Then his marriage became the casualty.

The divorce hit him like a freight train, forcing him to face a devastating truth: the ruthless tactics that built his career had made him incapable of real connection. He was a master at getting what he wanted from people, but had never learned how to actually care about them.

Alone in Boise, knowing nobody, Phil had to choose: keep being the rhino who trampled hearts for profit, or learn what he'd spent 33 years destroying - how to build genuine relationships.

Discover how a man who burned bridges for business learned to become "The Connector" - and why the skills that make you unstoppable professionally might be the exact things killing your marriage.

Timestamps:
[02:15] The "rhino mentality" that destroyed relationships for profit
[05:30] When 33 years of trampling people caught up with him
[08:45] The divorce that forced him to face the truth
[12:20] Learning connection from scratch at rock bottom
[16:40] Why business tactics and love tactics are opposites
[20:10] How to stop being a rhino at home

Transcript

From Hardcore Cold Calling to Relationship-Based Sales

Baz Porter 0:00

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Rise from the Ashes podcast. I am in front of an amazing guest. He is Phil Harrington and he is the connector. Why is he the connector? He's going to explain that very shortly. I met him through a bunch of people crazy people, really. They're called the hounds of business. Go and check them out on LinkedIn and I really resonated with his message, mainly because he's the guy a bit like myself who did it. He's come from sales and he's come from a sales transactional place into a relationship-based sales. I love Phil. Phil, say hello to the world. How are you? And tell people who you are and what you do really what you do, not what I've just introduced, because it's a whole new concept.

Divorce, Relocation & Starting Over in Boise

Phil Herrington 0:52

Yes, hello world. So this is Phil again Harrington, as he said, otherwise known as Phil the Connector. Funny thing is, when I was in sales so I come from hardcore sales, meaning telemarketing, mci, long distance service, door-to-door merchant services. I guess I like to name myself because I was Phil the credit card guy back then and so, anyways, I was in that for about 12 years and I knew nothing about business networking. So think about 33 years of my 40 years I was all cold calling, so I never asked for a referral. It was always easier to go get another sale. So I just plowed through. I was thinking of myself as more of a rhino than anything else. I'm just like, oh I have a product, let's go. And I trampled on a lot of people and I burned relationships like crazy because I had no idea what this concept of building a deeper relationship. And that was all in Wichita, kansas, where I was for a long time. I got introduced to that. I wanted to be in business sales because I hated. I wanted to do a nine to five thing. So I moved to business sales so that at five o'clock I'd go home, and weekends business owners didn't want to hear from me. So it worked out perfect, and then I just stayed in business sales everything that I did.

500 One-to-Ones in One Year: The Networking Experiment

Phil Herrington 2:03

Anyways, in 2018, end of 17, I got divorced here in Boise, idaho, and that's a whole nother story how we got here, but we're crazy. And when I got here, I didn't know anybody and I got introduced to BNI, business Networking International, and started that process, but I don't know how much of the story you want me to reveal right now. Please, whatever you want, oh, keep going, okay, okay. So I tell you the first part to say I come from that cold calling mentality, right. So 30 calls a day keeps poverty away handing out business cards, that type of thing. So when I get into the networking world, I'm like holy crud, everyone will do a one-to-one. This is stupid, right? Especially for a salesperson. So I went nuts with it. I did 500 one-to-ones my first year and then we sold 70 websites. I was with a website company. It's about 40 a month, right. I just tried it.

Phil Herrington 2:53

About 10 a week. So I literally sit in coffee shops two or three days a week and they'd come in every hour on the hour. And I had it figured out from the very beginning because I'm a systems guy. So I was like go to a meeting, take a picture of all the cards, send them to the gal that was helping me out and she would set up all the appointments, and so that way I would just sit there and the one-to-ones would come in. Of course I was super tired at the end of the day because I told my story eight times and now we've moved to a different model where we do one-to-many, but just because we're meeting so many people.

The Accidental Sale: Why Relationships Beat Cold Prospecting

Phil Herrington 3:30

But I helped a number of brands build up their brand. I've always sat in that sales role and it wasn't until we started the connector community that I actually took on a business role, as in a business owner. So, like always said, I had my own business but I was really selling stuff for other people. So, anyways, that first 570 websites I call them the accidental sale because I never asked for a referral, I was just in the right place at the right time. And that's sales.

Phil Herrington 3:46

As we transitioned over the last seven years, I think. In the last two years I really started to understand oh, I've done now 5,000 one-to-ones and I'm like, oh, you just don't need to spread your seed that much, you need to just find the right strategic partners. And that's where this was born, this connector community, because I realized, oh one, people don't have the time to be professional networkers, they can't go do 10 to 12 or 21 to ones a week, like I did because I just had the time. But they also don't, are not in all the places that they would like to be. So we bring the cream of the crop back to one place and then we slowly introduce you. Oh, it like to be. So we bring the cream of the crap back to one place and then we slowly introduce you. So it's pretty cool. So we're stoked about it.

Baz Porter 4:30

I love this concept because, as myself being an entrepreneur, I've been in this space for six years. I'm trying to do the math now. My brain's not working, but when I had the same challenges you're speaking about, I didn't have enough time and bandwidth to do one-to-ones. But my challenge was being a newbie on the scene and very green at the time, not even knowing about what entrepreneurship was a few years ago. So I was marketing. I knew none of this. But my challenge was and I'm sure the listeners and the listener who's listening to this now is oh my god, I have this challenge. I'm getting stonewalled, I don't get the sales, I'm not getting the people in on my calendar. My calendar is so sparse, crickets on it. What was the driving force behind you realizing that you have a full calendar and going what am I actually delivering? What's the difference between a sale and a relationship? Because I know what I'm talking about. She was smiling, going yes, yeah, yes.

Phil Herrington 5:31

Thank you for asking the question. What is the difference? So the difference is this when you don't know and there's nothing wrong with not knowing but when you don't know, people are telling you because you go to these meetings. They say do your one-to-ones. All the magic happens in the one-to-ones, all that stuff. All that's true, except people use the one-to-ones as a lead source. So they sit down and they tell you what they're trying to sell you on their service, they put you on their newsletters, they do all these things, but it's all about them and not about the value they can offer to the person across the table or the Zoom room from them.

Phil Herrington 6:09

So what I teach is educate, educate, educate your network and get them to flip the script and start sending you introductions. And we've discovered it. It's been fun and we're now on track this year for 800 plus introductions, because we don't sell anything, we just ask for introductions and so when people can. So I always tell people do you want to sell the person, the one person you're talking to right now, or do you want to get into their network, which you have to earn that trust? And the average person say they know a thousand people. If you do 500 one-to-ones in a year. I have the potential of meeting one connection away from 500,000. But that's so when I was being dumb about it, I was just selling the person across the table. I sold 70 websites. The next year I should have sold 200 or 300 or more because I was getting referrals. But I was dumb at the time and I went right for the quick sale and not for the long-term relationship.

Baz Porter 7:10

That's what a lot of people. It's one of the lessons I learned in the forming of what I'm building now. But you seem to hack the system very quickly. Now I want to go. I want to go back to when it was, when you were sort of cold calling, because every single person gets cold call we, I just they go straight to spam these days because I've just can't be bothered with it. But what was the driving force? Because it must be, you must have, I've heard, internet and the rest of it, the things you get said to go fuck yourself, go do your grades, whatever.

Baz Porter 7:44

All that. How is that? That must have been so degrading for you and the people you're trying to help and serve you providing for your family yourself, and they give you so much abuse. How has that meant on your mentality? How has that meant on your mental health?

Phil Herrington 8:01

It's interesting. Now I've had the belief for the longest time that people didn't like me, right? So this probably is where it comes from. But you learn to separate your emotions from it pretty quickly. And then once you all my schooling, if you will, for sales comes from MLMs that I was involved with all the tapes. I've listened to all that. Whatever right, I'm in the car I'm listening to something Zig, ziglar, all those guys right. So just constantly sales stuff and everything you hear. There is numbers, don't lie. So once you can find your numbers, so if you're in a situation where you need a cold call, once you find your numbers, then you just make a game out of it.

Phil Herrington 8:39

For example, I knew every 45 calls when I did MCI long distance service I'd make a sale. So when you were awful to me or hung up or I got a blow horn one time and I had to throw my headset off, but I was like, cool, I'm one step closer to the sale, one step closer to the sale. So because my mind was set on the goal, I didn't care. So I wanted to take as many calls that night as I could. I want to take 500 calls so I can make 10 sales.

Phil Herrington 9:04

So then, moving forward in credit card processing, I'd hand out 30 calls a day. I'd set five appointments, sell about two and a half. So I had it figured out that I was making five grand every time I held out, hand out or I was making maybe it didn't matter five grand save for every 30 calls. So I was every time I was handing a card out. It's like they were giving me 150 bucks, and when you started to see it that way, then you could care less what people said. Now, back then I really had no mission. I wasn't trying to help their business. I wouldn't say that I was offering a service that would save them money, but I didn't have an overall approach to really affect their business, and so that's why I didn't build any relationships. I was never taught how to do that, so I had to be self-taught.

Baz Porter 9:50

I love that about people like you, because you are self-taught and from my own experience, they make the strongest entrepreneurs because they haven't gone to get a paid advertisement or sponsorship or something else. That is the quick solution, or they believe is the quick solution. They've actually done the work, they've put the hours in. There's a very good friend of mine his name is Peter Swain who, a bit like yourself, back in the day, was cold calling people and he would go in and literally go this is what I'm doing today and that's how much I'm going to make and he was like ludicrous in amounts because of what he was selling. But he said I can't do it anymore. He could not physically do it anymore, so he switched into marketing. Now you switch, not into marketing so much, but into connecting people to other people. Yeah, in that transition, what were the challenges?

Phil Herrington 10:47

First, the scalability. For example, as I started meeting people, I was like, oh, you're in health and wellness, you need to meet all these other people. So I would sit after my appointments and make five or 10 introductions by text. Right, my joy came from when I saw them connect because inside the text that they did, they were going to meet next Tuesday and all that. I was like cool.

Phil Herrington 11:07

So I didn't know, unbeknownst to me, I was building a brand. I just didn't know that I was start sending things over to people and then they sent me money back. When they bought and I didn't ask for it, I was like, oh, I've stumbled upon something here where people are because, being a salesman, as long as I have, it's so in my blood that I don't think about other people not having the same skillset. So for me to make 30 phone calls, no big deal, for someone else it's like life or death. So I realized, oh, if I could provide warm introductions to people which, by the way, that's why I always join chambers and other things so I could call and say hey, I'm part of the same network as you are, let's have a conversation. Don't know how to do that.

Phil Herrington 11:59

When we started doing the actual introductions. Then stuff started to happen and I was like, oh, this is so powerful, and then I just I get the joy of that right, people getting the connections, getting the warm introductions, and then, as they just educate their people, then they win right. So it's just, it's really it now, it's just very fulfilling but that's the thing about people like you.

Baz Porter 12:18

I like because it isn't just a business. This is fulfilling for you, this is something that you not just do for a living, but you thrive and enjoy this, and that is a different level of entrepreneurship. Yeah, because you're not doing it just for the transaction, as we said earlier. You're doing it because it's a relationship-based business and it's a model that has been tried, tested and works yeah, yeah when the transition came from sales into, oh, I need to build something completely different. What were the market?

Phil Herrington 12:57

challenges Because I created a hybrid. So I've always had this belief that I never want, I don't see anybody as my competition, because I always want to figure out a way to work with them. So when we started developing this idea, I wanted to make sure one thing I didn't have any meetings, and it was one because I didn't want to create another job for myself and show up to a meeting every week and if I can't be there, get someone there. So that was one reason. But then the other reason is oh, now I can come alongside other networking groups and be a benefit to them. No one's my competition. So we created this hybrid.

Phil Herrington 13:33

So I think the biggest marketing challenge has been people understanding that we're not a networking group. We're a connection platform, a matchmaking business, and we matchmake you to your strategic partners. So we've taken the. We sit right in between a LinkedIn type situation and a traditional networking, because we do all the networking for you and we build your network for you. So it's that. It's because we've created a whole new thing that sits in the middle of these two. It's the education, because when they hear community, they think, oh, it's another networking group.

Baz Porter 14:10

I'm already a part of a networking group, and so it's the education part has been the biggest challenge I love that, and if you're the person who's listening to this now going, what the hell is an education platform? I don't understand. There's a link below. Go check it out, because if we try and explain it to you, it doesn't have the same effect. And certainly, if I try and explain it and Phil tries it, go and experience it, see if it's for you. Get in contact with Phil. Whether get in contact with Phil, whether it be a relationship call or whatever you want to call it, have a conversation and speak to the foremost leader in this industry, because what Phil is doing I've experienced it and the connections he's brought into my world and is bringing into my world is unbelievable, but it's something based in a mutual relationship and respect, which I haven't seen very much of anywhere else.

Baz Porter 15:01

The hounds yes, phil, yes, but you need to surround yourself with people that actually know the people that your ideal clients are. One of the things that I struggled with was understanding who that ideal ICA was. The ideal client avatar yes, and I've had people say to me oh, I've got three. I'm like that's great. Coca-cola had one for over 100 years. How have you got three? Yeah, coca-cola is a billion-dollar brand. Why have you got three and they come back with oh, this person, I've got this product and this product, but you bypassed all of that and you created something relationship-based that has a community. But it's all about relationship introductions, yes, but your ideal client is who?

Phil Herrington 15:54

Great question. Our ideal client is a business that can do business worldwide. So we're building a business-to-business network, unlike some networking groups where they're focused heavily on B2C. B2cs don't do fantastic here Actually, they don't do well at all, unless they happen to be in Boise, idaho, because I have a network here. But businesses that can sell a business, service or product worldwide, or some people nationwide. But now it's becoming worldwide because we're so connected. But that's the avatar.

Baz Porter 16:29

So if someone came to you, I'm sorry, consultant, I don't like the word coaches for a thousand reasons, so we'll say consultant. And this consultant is after men, 45, going through a midlife fucking crisis. Can you help us? I'm just spitballing now completely, but can you help this person?

Phil Herrington 16:54

Yes, and I'm going to tell you how I can help that person so that you understand how my brain works. So I'm going to go one level above his customer. So if his customer is a struggling mid forties, midlife crisis guy, they most likely in my world would own a business and maybe they're stuck somehow and they want that breakthrough that I'm going to put him with other coaches that maybe do a different thing, because that's another tool in their tool belt. I'm going to put him in connection with people that are in, maybe, marketing, that say they want to also focus on that same person so they can make a combined effort together to help this person, so on and so forth. So I'm going to put him with people that is also their customer so that they can combine forces and go after them together. So that's the idea is creating those.

Phil Herrington 17:44

We create more joint partnerships and collaborations faster than any other network, because that's the only thing we do. We don't have you go meet with and nothing against Mary Kay. I'm just using it as an example. I don't send you Mary Kay people. I send you other coaches for you, other marketing people, those types of things that are in your space already and they're already speaking to your customer. They just may not know how to refer you yet. So your whole job is only to educate them on how to refer you, not to sell them.

Phil Herrington 18:15

So the switch happens. So, yeah, so that's how I'd go about it, as I always go. Sure, tell me who your avatar is, that I'm going to tell you the people in my community that are working with the same one and we're going to make it, make your connection there and when you could start to view everybody from the connector community as a strategic partner and not someone you're going to sell, get into their network. You win, because we're only 14 months in and we're on track for 800. Just do what I tell you to do.

Baz Porter 18:43

But that goal that most people are in the mindset of I need to sell myself, I need to get this, I need to persuade this person in front of them to buy their products. And I switched from this doing a while ago, which is, like you said, educate. I tell people about my products. I also tell them about the results and I bridge the gap and then I put testimonials in there and all the rest of that stuff. But it's not about look at me, I'm fucking awesome and look why I've done all the prestige stuff. That's a component of it, but very far down the road, it's not. I look what I've done. All the prestige stuff. That's a component of it, but very far down the road, it's not. I look what I've done.

Baz Porter 19:20

I had a meeting, two meetings yesterday with some people and yeah, they were both the same names and that they contacted me through a referral of mine and they said I've heard all about you, don't know what we're meeting. They said tell me what you, what you do. I said, no, I want to learn about you. And then, at the very end, I said I think I can help you do X, y and Z. Would you be open to a call about that, to learn about what I, the results of what I do.

Phil Herrington 19:53

Yeah, so I want to. That's the most brilliant thing. I teach that all the time you, even though the other person said, hey, what do you do? You turned it around, allowed them to go first. So first let them. When you first get on a call or you get into a about how to position yourself but in what network they have, and things like that. But also they're all ears when you go to talk. So you always let them go first, no matter what, even insist on it. And then the way I do it is I say, hey, I want to listen to your story so I can figure out people to connect you to. Yeah, and so then they go, okay, they're all good, they tell me. And then I, like you did, hey, let's do another call where I tell you what I do.

Baz Porter 20:44

And now they come to that call expecting the other thing I say with it, and this is for the person watching this going oh my God, how do you do that? I want to be respectful of your time.

Baz Porter 20:56

Yes, that's so beautiful love it and I learned that I can't remember where I learned it anyway because what it does is position their status not above you. But oh, this guy respects me, my time. Yes, the value of it, exchange. So you were talking about there earlier on about the law of reciprocity. You go and then it's received, but when you come back into it they're qualified again to that next level because this they've turned up, they're willing to yep, give and listen. When you go into it, there's another level of right. This is, this is another qualified person, and it's gone from cold to lukewarm by the end of that call. If you're good enough and you know what you're talking about and you can bridge the gap, then it becomes a client.

Baz Porter 21:47

Yes, yes I agree, you're the expert. I'm not a salesperson, not a marketer. That isn't me. I've had to learn it all. But what you're speaking about now is gold for these new entrepreneurs coming in going. I don't know what to do and I've been told listen, listen from here, and I've got to sell over here and I've got to do all my social media stuff and they've got to wear all these hats.

Phil Herrington 22:10

You're saying don't wear all the hats, just connect with the right people, connect with the right people and educate. And if I was them, even your first six months to a year, I wouldn't even worry about social media. You got to build a grassroots following, right, and the way you do that is through people. And so you got to go out. You don't even know who you are right now, especially if you're a new business. We've completely transformed to what our model is. We thought we were a networking group at the beginning. We are not, but I had.

Phil Herrington 22:42

It took me almost a year to figure that out by doing it. And so just go meet the people, just educate, listen to them, because they're going to drop bombs on you that are like they're five years down the road in their business. You're like that's amazing, I'm going to go that direction. And then you start to formulate what you do. So I always say marketing and nothing against any marketing people out there, but marketing is more like phase two, right, once you know your voice and if you can speed that process up, great.

Phil Herrington 23:11

If you have the money, you can pay somebody to get you branded, but you may not even know who you are and who you want to serve right now. So just go practice by meeting people, and if you meet the right people, they'll get you into their network, because people want to teach, right. What we're really playing on when we ask for introductions is people's ego, right, because I'm saying, hey, do you know somebody that does blank? And you're like, heck, yeah, I do. And then they go fill out my form, right, and so it's just. People want to be that savior, that hero, right, and they're more than happy to be a hero to you and allow you to spit on them everything that you're doing, so you can start to formulate what it is that you do. I love it.

If You Have No Money, Fill 75% of Your Calendar With One-to-Ones

Baz Porter 23:50

Yeah, it's great, phil, we're going to end with part one. If there's anything, you could advise your client, ideal person now what to do within this rut of oh my God, I'm not going to sales, I can't do this, I'm going to go back and be a job 9 to 5. What was that first thing you had to say to them? What do I have to do? I know, come to your network, but what is it?

Phil Herrington 24:11

Yeah, no, I'm not doing this. If you have no money, 75% of your calendar should be done with one-to-ones. Once you start paying the bills, then 50% and once you've reached your higher level, 25%. But never let networking go, because you never know who you're going to meet.

Baz Porter 24:29

Awesome. I love that advice. Thank you very much for listening. Share this message, get on Phil's calendar or into the network. The links are below. Phil, I'll see you on part two my audience. Thank you very much for listening. This is amazing. This exists because of you, so please share the message and inspire somebody today. Have an amazing day on purpose, and I'll see you on part two with phil.