Being Perfectly Imperfect with Reiki Women Podcast

Welcome to the Reiki Women Podcast with Carrie Varela, founder of the Reiki Healing Society, and Bronwen Logan, founder of Reiki with Bronwen.

In this heartfelt episode, they delve into the topic of perfectionism, its impact on Reiki practitioners, and how the fourth Reiki precept can guide us in overcoming these pressures. 

Through personal experiences and insightful conversations, they explore the concept of embracing imperfections, the Japanese art of kintsugi, and the importance of being true to oneself in both personal and professional realms. 

Listen in for valuable wisdom on navigating the challenges of perfectionism and finding beauty in our authentic selves.

00:00 Welcome to the Reiki Women Podcast
00:43 Introducing the Topic of Perfectionism
01:19 Exploring the Fourth Precept
03:37 The Concept of Kintsugi and Perfection
06:25 Personal Reflections on Perfectionism
12:27 The Importance of Diligence and Practice
20:08 Embracing Mistakes and Learning
25:12 The Role of Intention and Humility
37:22 Final Thoughts and Listener Engagement

Bronwen Logan: https://ReikiwithBronwen.com
Carrie Varela: https://www.reikihealingsociety.com
Michaela Daystar: http://HeartscapesInsight.com

We now have our own email! reikiwomenpodcasts@gmail.com
Our own RWP Group discussion: Embodying Reiki
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1564135767437136/

Transcript

0:06

Hello and welcome to the Reiki Women Podcast. This is Kari Varela. I am the founder of the Reiki Healing Society. And I have a lovely friend here with me today, Bronwen Logan from Reiki with Bronwen. And our other lovely friend, Mikayla Daystar. She is um, You know, um, giving your heart some TLC after, uh, attending a funeral today. So sending some love and TLC to anybody else who's carrying a tender heart with them as you step into this episode of the Reiki Women Podcast. Uh, so today we wanted to talk about, uh, perfectionism, how it shows up, uh, you know, as, uh, Reiki practitioners, how it can show up just as a. a being that had living this complicated life here on earth, how it can show up as women. And so I know Bronwen, you have some really interesting thoughts to say about this topic. So I'll hand it on over to you. Yeah. Well, before we started, we sort of were talking about perfectionism. We were talking about diligence and, you know, um, both of those. come into play if we look at the fourth precept. So if we're thinking of the fourth precept, which can be translated in numerous ways. So we could look at it as, um, so we could say for today only, um, uh, be honest in your work or be diligent in your practice, uh, be true to your being. So these are different ways of looking at that particular precept. And maybe, you know, your own version of that. I mean, it's, it is difficult when we translate across from Japanese to start with, and then of course we have direct translations and then we have more, um, what is the word, but you know, where we, where we have a feeling of that, of that. the meaning of something. And I think when we say, you know, being true to your way or your being, that is more a feeling of, of that precept rather than a direct translation. I like all of them because I think they all bring us into some, um, alignment with our practice and can help us to think about our practice in different ways. If we were to think about perfectionism in line with this, well, um, you know, I can see that in so many ways. Uh, being perfect is, uh, often seems something that is out of touch with being true to ourselves, being honest, um, because it's something that is, it, in a way we are not. I mean, we are not like the end journey right here. This is, we are in the process of, of existing in this experience. And, uh, you know, each moment is practice and each moment is imperfect. So we can see life in that way, but I can also take us to the other side of this. And, um, I could say there is a, a perf a perfection in that imperfection. And that is that it is exactly what it is. So it's not something else. It is, it is the fullness of whatever the experience is in this moment. So we could sort of see that both ways, which I sort of like, and, uh, you know, if I look at, um, you know, what it means to be perfect, we could look at the Japanese idea of kintsugi, where you have, um, if you break something and you put it back together again, um, typically, Uh, an example of this in, in Japan is the idea of a teapot or a teacup. We break it and instead of throwing it out, we, it might be something that, you know, is very precious to us. So then we put it back together and we might use something beautiful to put it back together. So we actually see the scar of it being put back together. And from that, we have created something new. And I think that is that. experience of always, uh, being in the flow, something new, always happening. And there is a perfection in that. So, um, you know, this, this art of, um, you know, of, how would you say, um, you know, working with scars and, and making scars beautiful and experiencing scars as beautiful is, uh, is perfectionism in its own right, but it's imperfect, but it's perfect, right? So we can see both those pictures of that in, in that moment. Um, when we talk about being perfect, Sometimes I think people think there is one way and that is part of, of this, this, um, block that we might put in front of ourselves if we're using the word being perfect. And there is not one way ever. And if we think of ourselves, you know, each human being is unique, you know, um, uh, each color of the sky each day is unique. It's never the same. And yet it could be just perfect or it is perfect. And so experiencing life for the moment as it is, is, uh, a way of understanding within ourselves, uh, a different way of experiencing perfection and not actually trying to tap into something which is a more general, um, now, is that the right word? Comodified? I don't know, but you know, something that is very, um, neutral as being perfect. And in fact, something, uh, totally unique, which is all of us is perfect. Those are some of my ideas. How about you, Kerry? Yeah, I love that because, well, first of all, I want to name, you know, for myself, I think, you know, perfectionism has been a real obstacle, you know, it's something that I've really had to face and look at in a different, different ways. Um, And I've been loving this term and I feel it's so synchronous, so many people have been talking about it lately, but this term unmasking, you know, and so the, the perfectionist in us is like mask, you know, put on the makeup, uh, you know, work out and be as thin as you can be and be, you know, as rigid as you can be and say the right things and do the right things. Um, and it, it can just be really confining, right? It's, and it's just, it's really built on, uh, you know, trying to please everybody in the room, you know, and, and seeking other people's approval for who you are. Uh, so that's a really fragile way of being in relationship with perfectionism. And so I, I love that, you know, your definition of perfectionism, Let's look at what is, let's be in touch with the beauty of what is, and I think when I've been able to get into that place and like drop the mask and just share what's, you know, in my heart, whether it be, you know, I think of my, my perfect example is a yoga class. I just see this, it's, I've just seen it so much in my community amongst yoga teachers and myself, just feeling like this pressure to provide this perfect, eloquent. Perfect experience for people, but really that only happens when we can all drop into the moment we can all shed, you know, expectations of, of the practice and really speak from heart. Right. And I think when I'm so stuck on trying to like, you know, do the work for other people. Then it just falls flat. And, and people are left with maybe a disappointed feeling. Maybe they feel like they had an expectation not being met. I'm not sure. But, um, it's, It's, you know, if you struggle with self esteem, if you struggle with trying to please everybody else, you know, learning how to accept yourself for who you are, learning how to be safe, to drop your mask and speak authentically and vulnerably from your heart, I think that that is a quicker path to perfectionism. And I think when we're talking about, well, I don't even think perfectionism is the goal, really, but to really hold space for people. And I think of it maybe in the context of a Reiki session or a Reiki class, so maybe that'd be a good, uh, analogy too, but is when you're aligned, you know, you're really in the belly of, you know, The transformation of the teachings that they provide when you really, uh, take good care of yourself and then holding the space for somebody else in a Reiki session and maybe can share something that you've been going through. That feels really aligned to share with what they're going through. And then there's just a synergy and we're just like, Oh, okay. That what I needed answered today and the mindset and the shift that I needed to create, you were able to help me hold space to do that, you know? And that's always wonderful when that happens. Maybe another way of saying that is, you know, I get out of my way, you know, and I just allow myself to sit and experience and not be judged as good or bad, but just be there for somebody. Um, so those are just some thoughts on perfectionism. There was, um, a, uh, a study done. I don't know when it was done, but you know, there was three groups and I can't remember what the three groups did, but one group was given a task to create something and they were told, you know, just, just create, do whatever you want. And then the other group was told, you know, find the perfect topic first. Hands down, the first group always came up with better and more original content that because they just practiced. You know, they just practiced, you know, putting words to a page, they practiced, uh, filming something, and, um, you know, creating. They just practiced creating. And in doing that, they got inspiration, they, you know, were able to, um, you know, take an idea, maybe an unpolished idea, and bring it all the way to the finish line. Whereas the other group just stagnated because they were just too focused on finding the goal first. Um, and that, that has been such, um, a game changer for me, I think, when I think about that, like, Just be in the process of creating, you know, whether I have a big project on my plate or I'm doing something that I have never done before, do that a lot in my Reiki practice, is that I know that I just have to step into the process of creating. And once I can get there, Like the inspiration will be there, content will be there, the, um, the idea that really helps it, you know, come across as refined and polished and, and thought, well thought through, you know, it comes, comes across and it doesn't start by knowing that from the outset. It starts by just doing it and then through the process, it usually comes out. Um, and so I guess coming back to the precepts, you know, I think of that as just being diligent at the, uh, to be diligent and this is really an important part of my spiritual practice is, is not getting caught up in the overwhelm. So if there's a big goal, a big something that I want to achieve, the Reiki precepts help me drop into whatever I need to do today in order to keep moving and create momentum in that direction. And when I can sit with what, what is even possible for me to accomplish and complete in one day, like the overwhelm dissipates and I can step into the process and I can get out of my way and I can find. They talk about in the Tao Te Ching, it's like effortless action. You're just like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make this effort now, and I'm not, I'm gonna get out of my own way, I'm gonna get out of resistance, I'm gonna get out of the drama of doing it, because it's probably hard. And I'm just gonna, you know, sit still and let go. let it move through me. Um, uh, so I love that about that fourth Reiki precept. And, um, and I think that, you know, another coin of that, another side of that is being diligent, you know, um, or I already said that being diligent, that to me is the definition of diligence. It's like, what, how can I take what a task that seems unmanageable and just break it down into something that I can accomplish. And I also love practicing this precept at the end of the day. Because it really helps you connect to a sense of accomplishment. So even if we go all the way through a day and be like, Oh God, I still feel so overwhelmed with so much, so many things going on. This is my life as a mom, by the way, and as a small business owner. Um, I can actually sit back and reflect, Oh, what did I do accomplish today? Oh, I went to the grocery store. And so I can celebrate that I have food in my house for the next week and that will make things easier for my future self. I can, uh, you know, celebrate that. Um, you know, just any of the ducks that I were able to put in a row, I can celebrate the things that I did accomplish. Um, and, uh, yeah, that feeling of accomplishment is really, really nice. And it's probably something that we're seeking when we're looking at perfectionism too. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, I, for me, there's a, you know, uh, look, even doing this podcast or teaching, um, you know, there is something that sits within us where, you know, we want, you know, if we come to, to, to do this right. And it's my turn to speak. And yeah, of course there is some drive to. to be perfect, right? There is some drive to, to know it, everything, or to, to be able to say it in a way that, you know, connects with people, has meaning or not look like an idiot or whatever it is. Right. And, uh, you know, I know probably most people feel that to some degree. I definitely feel that. And so, um, you know, looking at it from the, from this particular preset, um, you know, being honest, um, with myself and being true to who I am, uh, can help me to sit back out of that panic, which is sort of like you're talking about the overwhelm. And I think that's that right. And to know that, uh, that everything's okay. And that whatever. is going to happen if I sit back into it rather than sit in the overwhelming, that it's going to be okay. And, uh, that, Each moment is simply an experience for me. And, uh, if I can be, um, truthful to myself in that moment, to the best of my ability in that moment, uh, which almost sounds like I'm putting pressure on myself there, but I don't think so. It's almost like. Maybe it links into, see, that's the thing about the precepts. They don't exist on their own. So, you know, it links into being compassionate. And I think you mentioned that just before, Carrie, but you know, that thing of being compassionate to ourselves and, and knowing that, uh, that everything's okay and that whatever comes out of that is meant to come out of that in that moment, um, so possibly a way of seeing that is also that intention is more important than perfection. So if my intention is to be open, uh, to, to, to whatever experience happens in this moment, then I am open to, uh, allowing whatever needs to come up to come up and, um, not to try to, to, to make that into something that it isn't. So something dishonest, something that, you know, where I feel like, Oh, I need to say something. So I'm going to say blah, blah, blah, but it's not true or, um, you know, it's not something that I actually really feel. So trying to link into that, you know, I do think intention is important and letting go of this idea that, um, I need to be perfect. Uh, but as I said, there's that, that works in the way of that is perfection in just allowing this moment to be whatever this moment needs to be. So all that blah, blah, blah, blah, that I just said. Let's hope that was right. And, um, but, you know, I think there's so much about this. Um, you know, what does it mean to be honest? And, uh, I, you know, in our world, we're used to telling white lies. We're used to, is that what we're talking about? We're used to sometimes telling deeper, deeper lies. large lies, you know, or hearing lies or having to differentiate what, what all of that is. But I think that, um, if we look at being honest, it is just taking each moment for what it is and yeah, breathing into that, uh, not trying to create something more from that. And, uh, I, possibly it's rather this idea, and this is what I love about the Japanese system of Reiki is always that it's about going in rather than out. And if we're looking at going into ourselves, then you know, it's possibly going into a quieter space, um, going into a flow that is just connected with everything and sitting in that flow and allowing ourselves to be there in that moment. So that's quite opposite to me creating something or trying to make myself into something or be something. Um. Yeah, I mean, the other thing you were just talking about, Carrie, is like making mistakes and, you know, for me, that's just, you know, I don't even know, should we even call them mistakes? Maybe we could think of a better word for mistakes. It's sort of like mistakes are the best things that could ever happen to us. They are us, um, allowing ourselves to move into all these different places and, and experience life in different ways. They are our challenges. And we know that with more challenge, uh, the more resilient we become. And. That's something from inside, something internal. So it's not me putting up a barrier against the world, but it's me being inside, feeling that strength inside of me that I actually can move myself into spaces that, that might be uncomfortable. And maybe I'll learn something and, um, experience something that I haven't before. So, uh, that's never a perfect space, but it is a perfect experience. Oh gosh. So many mistakes, but they're good. Yeah. I agree. Um, so my mentor, she always said that, uh, mistakes are moments in the process of knowing. And uh, I love that, love that. So they're so telling, they teach us so much and even thinking back on reflecting on this podcast. Yeah. There's such a. drive, you know, an ego drive probably to just be like, Oh no, we're going to be the perfect examples of what it is to be a Reiki practitioner. And we got to say the right things and not offend anybody and, you know, not ruffle anybody's feathers or whatever. But You know, just the inherent nature of having conversation and being different people and, and, and, and showing up as our messy selves, you know, times that I've showed up for this feeling like really anxious and not knowing, you know, if I had anything to say, and then actually the beautiful thing is. is being in that process and sitting with it. It's like some, some really wonderful, beautiful, bright reflection, at least for me, kind of comes through, right? Like, it's something like, Oh, wow, like, Bronwen, you said something, or Michaela said something, or I said something that like, I really was able to tap into my truth. And, you know, I would have never been able to find that language or a way of expressing something if it hadn't been You know, through, you know, communication and, um, this experience and holding this container. And, um, you know, I think there's a big drive sometimes in the world of entrepreneurship. I hate equating Reiki practice to an entrepreneurship, but there is that kind of sometimes correlation, but I don't think of them as the same. But, um, You know, there's some people's trajectories, you know, as Reiki practitioners, is they just take off right from the outset and that, you know, they've got a full book in there, you know, Reiki practice, you know, very quickly and it's always really exciting to see practitioners like that, but that has never been my path with really anything. I've been much more of a slow burn kind of person. Uh, kind of trajectory, and I guess that's probably more my personality, my lifestyle anyways, so. Um, but that's again going back to just the sense that I need, I need validation from something outside of myself to tell me who I am or what I know or, um, and, and that can be a real hangup, you know, especially when you don't get that, you know, and you have to like sit in the wild of the why of why you're not getting that and, and do the work that you were talking about is really going within. And when we feel that disharmony or anxiety or disconnect, um, it's good to evaluate what the motive is, you know, what the goal is. And sometimes the goal is, uh, you know, like the smashing success. And, and we don't achieve that. And, and that can feel frustrating and maybe disheartening at times. But you just have to learn how to ride those winds and take the winds that arrive, you know, and use them. The things that you're learning in your life right here and now, um, kind of weaving them together to make something that is supporting you, um, in your Reiki practice, in your Reiki business, and just, you know, in relationships and in life. Um, there was another thread that you were talking about, and I kind of completely lost it, but, Oh, okay. So here's the other thing I was going to say is what, what is the, is the, the, the third Reiki precept is that, uh, the, to be grateful. Is that also translated as be humble? And that's how I learned at first was actually is be humble. And then, yeah. Yeah. So I think that's also a component to it, right? Is, is in perfectionism, we've lost our connection to humility. And there's probably a shadow motive of perfectionism just being a mask for our ego of like, okay, like, uh, my egos here is telling me like, I have to ace this, you know, test or stay since experience in order to feel validated to feel like I'm confident or good about myself. And, um, that goes back to a lot of what you were saying is that we learn so much from our mistakes, you know, and it's like now after teaching thousands of yoga classes, I probably touched that 7000 yoga classes and I don't know how many Reiki sessions is I learned so much from my mistakes, but even when they arrive in a yoga class or whatever, I like learn how to navigate them. I learned how to, um, You know, shift my own, uh, perception of what they are and, um, and recognize that sometimes, you know, is that I'm, I'm just not the right person for everybody. Um, so, you know, recognizing that, but yeah. Really celebrating when I am that right person for the person who needs me. And, um, I, I've probably said this before, but my thing has always been, you know, if I can help one person, then I feel really good. I should feel really good about that. you know, and I know that, you know, with what we do, we meet more than one person and, you know, we possibly can't help everybody, but if we can be there for someone, you know, one person, I think, wow, you know, I think of myself, if one person could be there for me, you know, it's a beautiful thing and how amazing that is. So, um, I was just thinking about the other precepts when you were talking about being humble and, um, you know, allowing ourselves to sit in humility and also the, the other precepts, you know, and they all relate into this one as well. Um, so, you know, not being angry and, not worrying about things, because when we worry about things, then, you know, we're definitely, uh, outside that flow and we are not allowing ourselves to sit into, um, our own truthfulness and we, you know, we can express that when that happens. That's when we get angry, you know, when we are fearful, all these things, because we're not actually sitting back into that, you know, honestly into who we are and allowing ourselves to be okay with that. Um, we're trying to be something that is, uh, that, that is, uh, not truthful to, to our core essence. of ourselves as human beings. And, uh, you know, so we, if that happens, we, we can go, okay. So, you know, how am I not being honest to myself? What, what, what am I, who am I, you know, and asking ourselves those sorts of questions. and sitting back and just being quiet, you know, before, when I was talking on, I wanted to do was just stop talking actually. And I just wanted to just sit here and not say anything, but, you know, we are on a podcast, so I need to take the, um, the truth of that into, into the whole, whole meaning of it all. But, you know, sometimes. just quiet, you know, and just, just allowing ourselves to be without any pressure of having to do, you know, is we need those moments in our lives and, uh, we need to be able to take those moments. But of course, you know, we are a part of life and we need to consider that as well. So, um, but, you know, realizing that, um, You were saying like about not being good enough or that those are things that are taking you away from the honesty, the truth of who you really are. And, you know, you have this, this core of, of inner power and. and strength and, and instead, you know, we allow all these other things to, to pull us away from that. So really being able to sit back and allow those things to, to, to move away from us and, and to sit back into this core self and know that it's enough and that that strength that we can tap into from that space is, is more than enough, you know, so yeah. Uh, yeah, I think I've really had to learn, you know, that my value isn't represented by how many people are in the room and, uh, how many people are in my workshops or how many people take my offerings. It's, um, you get stuck on that. It's a, it's a really viral way of, right? But when I can step back from all of the doing and, and sit with what you were talking about, just being in the imperfectness of the perfect moments. And there's always for me, when I'm able to find that space, I'm able to recognize that there is a perfect balance that's happening. And even though I might want a change, I might want things to look differently. That difference might, you know, causes that shift in balance, right? It might, might require us to let go of something in order to create space for something new. And sometimes what we think we want isn't exactly what's, you know, possible or even in our, our, our greatest good. So yeah, I, my good friends, um, And SoulSista, uh, um, she, she was actually killed really tragically in a, uh, mass shooting. And, uh, you know, when she died, it was just, oh, shattered my heart into a billion different pieces. And, uh, when we were, uh, all celebrating her at just different, um, memorials that she had, uh, we had for her. One of the reflections that somebody shared was that, um, she shared a whole yoga class on what do I do when I feel I'm confronting or facing this fear of perfectionism or this perfectionism. And she spoke about just being my humble best, showing up and offering my humble best and, like, letting that be good enough. Such beautiful words, um, by a beautiful soul and, um, miss her so much. But, um, yeah, I think when we can tap into the truth, that's what like sparks this fire in the hearts of everybody in the room. Um, and, and we can't get there through masking. We can't get there through perfectionism. We can't get there through ego. Like we have to be able to drop off, step into authenticity. Um, I think. what you're tapping into there as well. And I mentioned the word before intention, you know, but when we, when, We need to have that sense of openness to be able to, um, allow shifts and change to happen. And if we're too strict with ourselves, which is what perfectionism does to us. So if we are like saying, you know, Oh no, I have to have this and it needs to be like this. And sure, it gives us a direction, but it's a finite direction. Yeah. and possibly, uh, what will be more helpful to us is really to, to move, as we were just saying before, move more in and allowing ourselves to just feel this sense of openness for the moment, for each moment and seeing where that takes us and without us trying. So our intention, we still have intention, but the intention is, is an infinite. intention. So it's an intention that allows the world in, allows us to be a part of the world and to flow in that. And, uh, we can, I think we, There is a lot more honesty in that, uh, and it is a space that, uh, releases the need to be fearful or needy or, um, you know, it allows us to be humble because we don't need to make ourselves into something. It's very hard for us to accept that we're good enough, I think is really the truth of it all. And if we can sit back into this open space and allow whatever to happen, that's what we're saying. We are saying we are good enough to, to, to be us, to be whatever it is that we are in this exact moment. It's not such a, like, good thing to remind yourself, you know, that you're good enough, you know enough, you have enough, like, there is enough to share, you know, even if you knew everything, like, would that get in the way of somebody's process? Sometimes when we're trying to do too much to prove ourself, it gets in the way too, um, but, uh, I think, you know, I guess another thought that's kind of coming to me is, you know, when we're stuck in perfectionism, a lot of times, it's We are desiring an outcome that we can't control. We can't control. We can't say, okay, I, you know, I'm going to get 25 people sign up for my workshop. I'm going to have so many people in my Reiki class. And if I don't have that, then shit, it's not worth it. It's not even worth it. I don't know. Um, if we don't eat meat, those, you know, quantifiable outcomes, or if we, you know, aren't controlling somebody else's experience. You know, a lot of times it's about controlling somebody else's experience, if like, we can step away from that, and just be in that authentic, free flowing moment, that's also really helpful. So stepping back away from, you know, being in control of an outcome that we're not really actually in control of. Loosening grip of that need to do that, to be that, or anything like that. All right, friends. Well, we'd love to hear from you, our dear listeners. So any other things that you'd like to say there, Bronwen? I'm, I'm happy sitting back in my space. Putting it all in. Thank you, Carrie. All right, well, listeners, please give us the last word. What do you think about this whole topic of perfectionism? How does your Reiki practice, how does the fourth Reiki precepts or any of the Reiki precepts help you step away from perfectionism? Um, what, Challenges of you learned or you navigated inside of perfectionism, but gems of wisdom, have you learned? So feel free to share all of that with us. We'd love to hear, feel free to leave it in the comments or send us a message. And if you think anybody could, um, you know, benefit from this episode, feel free to send it on to them as well. And, uh, yeah, we love you so much. Thanks for embracing our perfect imperfections and, um, being a part of our community. We love you. all so very much. Have a great day. Bye.