RADIANCE: Jae Omnet Putting Self First & How it Ripples Outward

Join us for an insightful episode of the Radiance series by Reiki Women Podcast, where hosts Carrie Varela and Bronwen Logan with and Jae Omnet explore profound topics on Reiki and women's health. 

This episode delves into establishing personal boundaries, navigating people pleasing, and embracing one's authentic self. 

Jae shares her personal journey and practical tips on how Reiki practices like precepts, meditation, and self-awareness can help women reclaim their energy and well-being. 

Don't miss this empowering conversation designed to help you find inner freedom and courage.

00:00 Introduction to Radiance and Reiki Women Podcast
00:57 Meet the Hosts and Special Guest Jae Omnet
03:11 Jae Omnett on People Pleasing and Women's Health
09:18 Exploring Personal Boundaries and Self-Awareness
20:20 Jae's Journey with Reiki and Personal Growth
30:16 Inner Armor and Vulnerability
31:13 Taking Responsibility and Regulating Energy
31:50 Self-Compassion and Positive Self-Talk
33:17 The Power of Slowness and Breath
35:10 Reiki Precepts and Authenticity
38:19 Grief, Love, and Reiki's Support
44:14 Embracing Death and Spiritual Connection
48:57 Overcoming People Pleasing
55:18 Connecting with Jae and Final Thoughts

Guest:
Jae Omnet: https://www.jaeomnet.com/

Hosts:
Bronwen Logan: https://ReikiwithBronwen.com
Carrie Varela: https://www.reikihealingsociety.com
Michaela Daystar: http://HeartscapesInsight.com

We now have our own email! reikiwomenpodcasts@gmail.com
Our own RWP FB Group discussion: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1564135767437136

Transcript

Speaker 5 0:04

what if we could all show up in a room and already feel like we belong instead of needing someone else to validate us in that space. It can be really powerful to do things that have no purpose whatsoever And just just slow down.

Speaker 7 0:20

Welcome to Radiance, brought to you by Reiki Women Podcast. A series of interviews about Reiki and women's health. Because women's health is often overlooked, which can lead to serious consequences.

Speaker 8 0:34

We can't wait to share some inspiring conversations with women who are using Reiki in the following areas.

Speaker 9 0:40

Reiki and recovery. Body image

Speaker 10 0:42

dysmorphia. Creating healthy boundaries. Navigating workplace burnout and liberating women's hearts and minds from patriarchy, colonization, and oppression.

Speaker 8 0:54

Subscribe now and join the conversation.

Speaker 3 0:57

Hello and welcome to the Reiki women podcast. My name is Keri Varela. I am the founder of the Reiki Healing Society. And today, my gorgeous colleague Bronwyn Logan is with us from Reiki with Bronwyn. And our other gorgeous friend, Mikayla Daystar, unfortunately is not able to join us today. I feel very honored and grateful to have the privilege to introduce. One of my dear friends, um, in the world of yoga and Reiki, um, her name is Jay Omnett. And, uh, Jay is going to be talking about how serving ourself first and how that ripples outward. Let me take a little more time introducing my lovely friend here, Jay. So Jay is with Jay Energy and she is a teacher, a coach, a guide in Reiki, Akashic records, a 500 hour yoga and yoga nidra mindset, NLP practitioner. Leaving the magic of all of Jay's missions to help people find their inner freedom and courage to understand who we are, what we need to heal, and how we need to nourish our body and to work with nature, the elements, the moon, and most importantly, energy. So welcome to, the Reiki Women podcast, Jay.

Speaker 5 2:14

Thank you so much for having me. I feel really honored to be in this space with you. I know you very well, but to meet Bronwyn is amazing too. And to be of service in any way in regards to Reiki and women is, is incredibly important to me. So I'm, I'm honored to be here with you.

Speaker 3 2:32

Yes, yes. So you're, my friend down under. We're like soul sisters. We're Gemini's born in the same year I met Jay at a yoga teacher training and then she probably switched all of her travel plans to attend a Reiki level one retreat that I was leading just a month later. And, um, everything since then has been kismet. So I'm sure we'll talk a little bit more about that connection that we've had over the years. And I also want to mention this is actually your second time on the show because we did a Reiki woman snapshot with you, um, a couple of years ago as well. So

Speaker 6 3:08

we did. Yeah. Beautiful.

Speaker 3 3:10

Great to have you back. And, today we're going to talk with you about how, um, creating stronger personal boundaries. For women, through the practice of particularly the fourth reiki precinct, be true to your way in being, and how that profoundly has the ability to impact the quality of relationships with oneself and, with the world our first question for you today is tell us a little bit more about, people pleasing and how does that impact women's health and why do women do it?

Speaker 5 3:42

Oh, that's good. I love it. Um, I think that what I see in a lot of my work and what I'm seeing in the changes within, in how people are receiving Reiki as well, is just that, that the lack of awareness around how we're shaping ourselves to fit into other people's lives, into other people's boxes, into what's needed for everybody else first, and sort of the old, I guess, societal patterns of serve, I'm that I'm not a priority as well as the sort of that people pleasing is like people are showing up in ways that aren't authentic to them, them, but they're doing it because they feel like that's the way they need to be in order to fit in, in order to be okay, or in order to belong. And I feel like that's really hurting us because then when we come to explore ourself a little deeper or make choices that are in alignment with us. We actually don't know what they are because we've been so busy shaping ourselves into different forms and wearing different masks for others. That's the way I see people pleasing is in order to fit, but also in order to make sure everybody's okay. And that's not always of service even to the others. And so that's where I can really see it's damaging us in terms of like how we have our relationship with ourselves. Um, As well as sometimes that people pleasing isn't actually helping the other person. So it's often like people are sort of going in to really sort of pick up and do everything for everyone and try to fix. And that doesn't actually serve the other person in terms of really building their own skill set and finding their own alignment with themselves either. So I think that. Really understanding how those dynamics and behaviors work in relationships and in connections and even as being of service, as being a leader, um, really ripples out for everybody.

Speaker 4 5:39

Yeah. I'm just thinking about women and, it does seem to be very much a female quality,

Speaker 5:47

mm.

Speaker 4 5:47

Maybe you can help me with this Jay, but there's a whole lot of stuff on the internet these days about ADHD in women and I think to some degree, we're all on the spectrum. So it just depends where we're sitting in that. But one of the things that they were saying is that women who have ADHD our people pleases. And, uh, I thought that was really interesting as, uh, I was trying to put together why specifically women. So there was talking about women rather than men and, why that would be, do you have any insight into how that came about?

Speaker 5 6:22

Yeah, I think there's a couple that is a beautiful question. I think there's a couple of reasons. I think one of them is, is the previous generations in a way they operated in terms of like caring for the whole family and sort of really that energy of like everybody else first and, and I'm not a priority. And so that's sort of where that people pleasing. Sort of, I think was really, um, taught and passed on. And, and this might be, make some people a little bit uncomfortable, but, and especially in sort of that ADHD, like that frenetic energy is that. Some people choose to people please and to be in service of everyone else except themselves because turning towards themselves is actually really scary.

Speaker 7:04

Yeah. So

Speaker 5 7:05

if I just take care of everybody else and don't worry about me, then I feel good about myself. But I also just, it means that I don't have time to look at my stuff. And that's uncomfortable, and I get it, I totally get it. And also there's sometimes when we're really not feeling good within ourselves, being of service and helping others does feel good. And it is really, um, a way to lift ourselves up, but sometimes that can get misconstrued and become like a real habit and an overload of like, if as long as I just focus on everybody else, then that's kind of keeping me busy and distracted.

Speaker 4 7:44

Yeah. It reminds me of that sort of that feeling of, I don't know how to communicate. I don't know what to do. Am I doing the right thing or the wrong thing? If I just try to make everybody else happy, then everything's going to be okay. But once again, as you said, that's actually not looking inside yourself, why, what's going on? How come you're having trouble communicating? What feels difficult? Bringing more self awareness into our own lives. One other thing I just wanted to say on this was, I also heard someone recently, some celebrities saying something to the effect of, Oh, you know, that's not my real voice in movies. Right? My voice, my real voice, actual voice is different to that. And this is true. This thing of being true to yourself and what we are, we are often so manufactured, aren't we? And, and especially that does come up then in film because you're trying to be almost like a caricature of a woman. Rather than to be a real woman and to show all the different levels of complexity and depth that a woman has. Women will speak maybe, I don't know. They're trying to almost please. With their voice, like trying to be something for everybody else to make everyone else comfortable once again, but it's not actually their own true sound.

Speaker 5 9:14

Yeah. I, I totally agree with that. Yeah. And I think the other thing that, that it, uh, maybe exacerbates it or the, the cause of it as well, is that people feel like they need to, to be helping or to have a purpose in order to belong. So if they're not doing, if they're not fixing, if they're not helping, then they don't feel like they fit, and so they need to earn it.

Speaker 4 9:37

And sitting back into our own energy, and allowing that then to, to really, shine is a lot stronger than this outward grasping sort of experience of being with other people.

Speaker 5 9:52

Carrie, that reminds me of, um, being in the yoga teacher training and the first one in Bali. And like, I vividly remember you saying to me at one point, and this was our yoga teacher saying, um, nothing to prove, everything to share. And, and the reason that you said that to me at that very moment was because I was brand new in that environment. And I was like, really trying to prove myself to the point where I was working my butt off and like, and I was literally trying to people please everybody so that I felt like I belong. And that was the moment of that reflection. I actually remember you saying that. And I also remember being like a little bit triggered by it, but then thinking about it afterwards and thinking, well, actually, no, that's true. Like I really was just trying to prove myself. Too much, um, instead of just like accepting that I belong there, which is what I love about, like what Brene Brown says, like, if we could, what if we could all show up in a room and already feel like we belong instead of needing someone else to validate us in that space. And I just think that that's so beautiful. And that's why I do my work is so that we can all feel like we belong within ourselves and wherever we arrive.

Speaker 3 11:08

I just love this work because I mean, I can really say that I need it, you know, and I really struggled with it as well. So I'm surprised that I told you that. I mean, I think that those words are really actually something that have anchored me in the past. And they're from our mutual yoga instructor, Ian Finn, but, um, you know, nothing to prove everything to share. And that's, that's just such a really wonderful mindset shift that you can create, you know, when you find yourself stuck in those patterns of people pleasing, um, especially I think in the healing arts or, you know, like leading a yoga class, sometimes it's like, ah, I gotta Tell everybody, you know, that I know yoga and I, I can, you know, uh, feel qualified to give them, you know, some beautiful poetry that's going to help them create shifts in their body and then in their heart. And, um, and, and there's a lot of really hard ways to do that, you know, and if you do it from this ego way is oftentimes just kind of gives you ego right back. So, um, Anyway, so I'm loving this topic and but I would love to tell you to ask you to share a little bit more of your journey of people pleasing and like, how did Reiki help you develop more personal boundaries? How did you stumble into this really profound knowledge around people pleasing?

Speaker 5 12:27

Mmm, I think that A lot of what I've spoken to already is our patterns and behaviors that I've seen within myself and and that's, I think, as a coach, that's a really beautiful place to work from is like understanding that really understanding it myself and like having been through it and then can speak from that experience. And I think that. Being in a world of like really deep insecurity. I did operate from that place of like, I felt like I really needed to earn my place everywhere and therefore people pleasing was like high priority. It's like just making sure and, and I. Boke to that earlier, but that was very much me was like, when I actually started to slow down and become more conscious of myself and really ask my questions, like, what do I want from my life? Or what do I enjoy? Or what, what, who am I like? What, what lights me up? I didn't actually know any of that. Cause I really had shaped myself to what I thought everybody else needed me to be. And in a way, it's just so disconnecting. And, and, um, Deflating as well. So it was like it was a really a big experience of not knowing who I was and I believe a big reason for that was again that people pleasing energy of like really just feeling like I had lots to prove and I always had to have a purpose and I needed people to be reassuring me of that purpose and Um, and that my job was to take care of everybody. And I did, and that energy, a lot of fixing, which just really created a lot of dynamics of people leaning on me, uh, and it not really helping them because they just like, I just did it, you know? And so they weren't learning for themselves. Um, and also energetically, and this is where Reiki really came in, in the beginning was like just giving out all of my energy and not serving self at all. And even before Reiki and understanding that there's this beautiful infinite source of Reiki that we, and energy that we can, that we can. really draw into and put back into is, um, that I really was giving every ounce of energy I had within me out. And so therefore, when I stopped whatever I was doing to help and was in my own space in my own time, I didn't feel safe and I was completely depleted. Um, and I had. no boundaries whatsoever. Um, so it was just like, give out, give out until I crash. And then I'd better take care of myself cause I can't operate. And then I'll be just, I've got enough now I can go out and give it all away. Um, and that's not anybody else's fault. I really do take ownership for that. Um, And I think that that's really powerful in the process of change as well as it's like we look out and we sort of like, Oh, but I've been giving it all out and it's everybody else's fault, but it's not. It's, it's entirely up to us to manage and to pull back and to place boundaries and understand what they mean as well. Um, so. I was, I was very broken and very unwell, um, physically as well, um, uh, autoimmune disease, um, I had insomnia, I had, um, very, a lot of challenges with my mental well being, uh, and just like very, very insecure. And I do think that a big part of that was that role that I felt like I needed to play for everybody, which was completely disconnected from anything that actually lifted or lit me up, um, was just all about. Everybody else

Speaker 3 16:02

sounds like, I mean, if I can really relate to this and it's such a painful place to be in, you know, um, and yet because of the way it's really so programmed inside of us, it's hard to, it's hard to find a way out and a different way. I remember times, you know, I think it was something when my mom, you know, when I was in my teenage years, my mom was going through menopause. And, um, you know, my, my older siblings are starting to leave the household and she was feeling this tremendous shift and she had spent so much of her life, you know, dedicated to serving her kids. And I remember her just being so lost. So like, what, what matters to me now? Like, what do I get to do for myself? You know, and it was really, really hard for her. And it's. It's also something that I've really struggled with too at times, you know, it's like, I love how you were like, you know, this comes back to knowing yourself and what lights you up, what makes you happy. And it's like, if you know, if we can't answer that question, I think it's important to look a little bit more closely about, uh, people pleasing. It's a good way of looking at that.

Speaker 6 17:10

Um, yeah, totally.

Speaker 5 17:13

And actually when you shared that, it's also, it's very common for women when their children are leaving home as well, all of a sudden, cause if they've been spent their whole life in that, um, raising children, um, and then they leave they're in that same, like, I don't know who I am.

Speaker 4 17:32

Well, I just actually had a statistic today where it was saying that over 50 percent of women over the age of 50 are single. And it's exactly for that reason, because the kids are gone and, we turn around and we think, what's going on, who am I, we were just talking the other day, my mom always gave herself the worst dessert or no dessert, and everyone else got the lovely desserts because that's what she was teaching me to do, you know, to, to not take for myself and to give to everyone else. And, that's a lesson to unlearn because I should also have a nice dessert, I think. It is interesting How that plays out as, as we come from that, those generations of, of women doing that. I would hope, and I would like to think that, it is lovely to give, but as you say, we need to think of ourselves. And another thing that came up in a recent podcast was another Brene Brown quote, which was, you don't have to tell everyone everything. you don't have to throw yourself out there and try to do everything for everybody or, or be something for everybody. You can actually, relax back and just allow it to be a natural evolution with each person and each experience that you come to and what you give into that is appropriate to that situation. Yes, we need to be open to life, but we don't need to, deplete ourselves of anything. And in fact, if we are open to life, there is this natural just coming and going and, interconnection with everything that, that is a natural feeding. I think, you know, it feeds and nourishes us. I

Speaker 5 19:23

agree. Yeah. And, and what I love about you just reminding me and I speak to a lot of my clients about this too. It's like when we start talking about the concept of like understanding what, who you are and what you need. People think that means that they need to put themselves at the front of the line. And I'm like, no, that's not necessarily true. But what about if you put yourself in the same basket as everybody else that you give to? What about if you're on the. Same receiving and giving. So that's what I, what reminded me of that. Cause again, I think that that thought of like, I have to put myself first and not, and not think about everybody else. Actually, it stops people from considering it. It's like, no, it doesn't have to be that. Just put yourself on the same boat and treat yourself with the same amount of energy and love and care.

Speaker 4 20:08

It's lovely.

Speaker 6 20:10

It is. It is. That's I love it. I'm loving this conversation. It's great. It's very powerful.

Speaker 3 20:20

So Jay, do you want to talk a little bit about your practice of Reiki and how it's evolved over the last seven years and, and, and perhaps speak a little bit about how the practice of Reiki has helped you with this? Personal boundary work.

Speaker 5 20:36

Hmm. Yeah. It's a beautiful segue because that is literally why I was, I was called in to the Reiki. I was, um, in that lack of awareness of the way I was giving out, especially empathic energy as well. But being a highly sensitive person and I didn't know anything about that either, but I was running my yoga studio and I've been in it for a couple of years and didn't have a lot of awareness of. My tendency for people pleasing or any energetic boundaries or anything like that. And I knew that I needed something that could help me sort of anchor myself in a way that could, I guess, essentially like plug myself in to an energy source where I could be cared for as well. Cause I, again, I just felt like it was like all out and not a lot in, in saying that, I mean, I loved teaching yoga and it really did give to me, but there was, it was. It didn't quite understand the flow yet and that's what called me in and that was where I really just, it was the meditations and the techniques that really sort of, again, helped me to slow, help me to be aware of self and, and helped me to really ground and center into my, I guess, true essence. Um, and I guess I can ripple into sort of like how I. I found your training because I, I had a few Reiki sessions before with someone who was local and, and I loved it. And I knew that that I wanted that to be, um, a modality that I stepped into, not knowing where it would take me the last seven years. Um, and then I landed in this yoga teacher training and the teacher said, can you offer, he said, he asked you. Can you, um, do a Reiki Shavasana at the end in a practice? And I was happened to be right beside you on the mat and you started guiding us. And I was like, she's my Reiki teacher. I'm going to do my Reiki with her. And, um, and that was in that moment. I remember going back to our accommodation and I was like, Just trying to work out how I could change all of my plans. Cause I was obviously in the USA and I had planned to be away from New Zealand, which is not a short trip. And, um, and then something else happened and something else happened. And then like, there was just all this money, extra money in the bank. And I was like, it's meant to be, it's going to happen. So we made it work. Um, and that's where I started my journey, but just coming away for me was the precepts. Like my first year and a half, I just, I was just working with those just every single day. And I, and until then I hadn't had, apart from yoga, it was, and to me at that point it was very much a physical practice, but I hadn't had a regular. ritual like that, that I could anchor into. And I didn't even have to try. I just, it just happened naturally from your training on every morning in the precepts practicing my meditation. It was just so powerful and it really changed everything for me from there. And I think a lot of that was self awareness and presence, you know, just like being in the moment and also being aware of where my thoughts and myself were and understanding. That compassion for the self as well was, yeah, it was a really big shift for me and, and has continued to expand in that, um, ever since. Yeah.

Speaker 3 24:02

Well, I will take very little credit for that because I think, well, what the credit that I will take for is that I stood in my own power and really embraced Reiki as part of my own spiritual path and journey. And to that practice, Awesome opportunities to share Reiki with other people. And I remember that training very clearly, and I'm sure I just talked about the precepts to, you know, as, as part of the curriculum, but you know, when it's. It's, it's, um, embraced within that student, um, you know, uh, student teacher relationship and you know, the teacher or the student just really recognizes, Oh wow, this is my medicine and I'm going to take that in and embrace it. And I just think that that's really speak to how Reiki can just work with us really simply and we can start with maybe one aspect of the system of Reiki and then it really grows from there.

Speaker 2 24:56

Um, Yeah.

Speaker 5 24:59

Yeah, absolutely. And that's what I see a lot with. Um, and that's why I'm always surprised by now, like as an offering Reiki to others, it's just like the state that they arrive in and not always good. But, but I love that because it's like, it just Reiki finds them and calls them and, and, and. It's not obviously a good thing that they're in a place where they really like need something to kind of tap them back into that life source. However, because they're in that state, they can really receive Reiki and feel the work that it does. And it's like it's a level of vulnerability that it was calling for so that they could Really truly experience it rather than be in sort of the articulation of it. And it's just so special to see that. And I, so I understand that from my own level, but also seeing that now is just, it's so precious, such a gift.

Speaker 4 25:56

Do you have any, uh, special tips or hints, that can help people as a coach? You know, can help people to, find their way through this people pleasing, boundary setting, world that some of us live in?

Speaker 5 26:16

Yes, I think that Um, it's for me, I actually think that journaling is a really big part of, of my work is understanding sort of where I fit in terms of the relationships and when I feel, I think a really big part of it too, is when we're in these interactions with people and we're spending time or offering this and that, like, do we feel filled up by that? Or do we feel depleted? And, and how is our energy, um, in that environment. And I think that's a really big like guide and reflection is like, is, is how is my energy being depleted when I'm with others or is it all being given out? I think that's the real, that's the first part. Um, and in terms of self awareness of when do I need to regulate? Is this a little bit out of my, so if you're listening to this, you might be like, well, is my energy like really flat and always, or, and. Do I know how to care for myself? And then I think in terms of tips, because people often want to know, like, what do I do? That's going to be different for all of us, right? Um, but I think that just finding a way that helps us slow down and serve self is a really good way to start. Because if we actually struggle with that, then that's a direct reflection that that's where we're at. We're at an energy that's frenetic and we've been giving it all out. So how can we serve self? And that might be really different for a lot of us women, but I mean, for me, like I got a really good list that I like to go between, but like having a really beautiful book that just helps you drift away. Um, sitting into the bath, maybe being out in nature, maybe playing with the dog that was trying to get my attention before, um, so many things, or it might be sitting in meditation and really being able to give yourself that time and space to clear the mind and, and recharge and plug back in. I think that that's helpful, but it's, it's through process of self awareness. And I do think that some of us that are in that energy of giving and people pleasing. Maybe haven't had time for that self awareness. So it might be a little bit uncomfortable when they begin, because they're starting to see what they're essentially doing to themselves. But that's when we can come to that place of compassion and just understand that, you know, it's just a place of learning. And when we can learn and look at ourselves in a different lens and then start to simply change things, I think that's the nicest way to be able to really care. And make change,

Speaker 4 28:50

you know, it, it reminded me when you were just talking there about the words that we use and the words that we use in our heads. How we're thinking about what we're doing. And I guess when we're talking about this energy thing, it's always difficult for people to understand, for all of us to understand, because it's something we can't touch. Right. So. What I love about the system of Reiki is this idea that we need to build this strength inside of us. inner armor is, is what I call it, you know, so building this inner armor, this strength inside of us And finding more resilience in, in our experiences in life. They're not really hiding from them because I don't think we're going to become resilient if we're hiding from them. We need to, to some degree in our own time, in own rhythm, expose ourself to the world and become stronger. And, that is a wonderful thing actually about getting older, as we get older, we do have a lot more experiences in our life and we can start to allow them to really inform us and support us, but talking about these words in our heads, so not thinking about others doing things to us. And I think energetically, I hear a lot, see a lot online about people talking about, Oh, you know, this person, took my energy or did this to my energy and really understanding that. No one can really ever do anything to you, which is, this is this idea of inner armor. No one really can do anything to you. It's how you react to that or respond to that. We might think that is the case because we are feeling vulnerable I guess it's vulnerability without strength. And what we need to have is vulnerability with inner strength, it's like, there's a little plus sign that, that needs to go between those two words and that be us. This whole thing of, of working energetically and depleting energy. I don't feel that anyone can do that to us, but that we could imagine possibly in our head that people can do that to us. Do you know what I'm saying? And if that's the case, then we start to believe these stories and we need to change the stories.

Speaker 5 31:10

Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree. And when we start to look at it at the lens of like just taking responsibility for our role in it, I think that's when we get to take our power back and also we can make the choices that are aligned with us. Right. And I completely agree with you. And I think that that's, that's a really important way to look at it. And that's what we do with my clients as well. I don't think that that blame or that like it's, it's everybody else's fault is ever going to, to help either. And knowing that you're in charge, you're the one that's giving. And so you can regulate that. Yeah.

Speaker 4 31:45

And the word regulate. I really like that word. So tell us a little bit more about what that means

Speaker 5 31:50

well, I think that a big part of the work is what you spoke to and where I love, like this is the biggest piece I love to work on with my clients. It's like understanding how we're speaking to ourselves. And understanding the thoughts that we're thinking and are they kind? Are they like loving and supportive and, and, and, and a way of like exploring and compassionate. And that's. Really where a lot of the change can happen, especially in the people pleasing or in placing boundaries. It's like, what is it that I need? And, or if you're observing the way you're operating and you don't like it, not being, cause we have this tendency as women to then turn on ourselves. And like, and measure that what we, what we did wrong, how we could have done it better, like coulda, shoulda, woulda. And I really don't think that that's helpful in any way. But, and a lot of women are like, well, I don't know how to treat myself that way. And I asked them, well, what would you say to another? What would you say to your best friend? And the answer is right there. And I'm like, well, then you say that to you, so you know how to do it. You just not practice it, doing it to yourself. Like, instead of like, I can't believe I made that mistake. I'm such a bad person. It's like, oops, I'm going to learn from that. Like we can speak to ourselves that way and the energy in that is so much different. Yeah that and I think that as he was speaking I think that one of the really beautiful tools again if like if we're in a different frenetic energy and there's a lot that's going out. And we, and we don't feel safe, like we don't want to slow down because we don't know what that looks like or we feel a bit uncomfortable about it. I think that's the, where for me, and for what I've seen with some people, it's like that practice of Joshi and Kokiaho and like coming into the Hara and really connecting to our original energy center and feeling safe in our body and grounded. I think that is really powerful and that's been super effective for me. And understanding the concept of that, but also just like the simplicity of the practice is focusing the mind. And I think that that is a way for us to give ourselves back some of that energy and slowness. And I think slowness is the way to go. And one of my favorite quotes is the fastest way to get anywhere is to go slow is the fastest way to get anywhere that you need to go because you're present and you're really in alignment with you. And I think that that is the medicine.

Speaker 4 34:24

Yeah, that's really beautiful. And it brings me around, talking about Josh and Kokyoho talking about going slow. It brings me to something it's like at the core of that or at the heart of that, which is just the breath. Just being aware of the breath at any time. I assume that is an excellent, regulator if you want to use that word as well. So it's just focus back on the breath, on the breath, on the breath, back on the breath. Yeah.

Speaker 6 34:50

Agreed.

Speaker 5 34:51

Yeah. I think that helps us bring us into that slowness of, of being aware of thoughts and perhaps then potentially changing them as well as like that anchor of breath and, um, that presence. It's beautiful medicine.

Speaker 3 35:10

Well Jane, I know you talked a little bit about the Reiki precepts and how important they were for you, um, do you want to elaborate a little bit on maybe the fourth Reiki precept being true to your way and being

Speaker 5 35:21

yeah. And what I love about that is, is I remember it was the same for myself and I've seen other people when they read that line, be true to your way. Some people automatically go to, Oh my God, I need to know what my way is. I need to figure out my direction, which I think is hilarious because it's actually for me, the energy is the opposite. It's just being true to the way that is authentic. For you, and not always needing to have it figured out, but being grounded in what's important to you, your values, and your own passions, and what lights you up, regardless of whether that fits anybody else's box, and being true to that. And, and understanding again, like, I think one of the reasons we get into these places of like the people pleasing, I also see it as like trying to fit into a box, right? And so when we can understand what is, what is true to your way is, is really bringing us into alignment of ourselves. And that just feels so much safer and more regulated on our system. So being true to your way, I think about like, when I first started to be practicing as a yoga teacher, I thought that that meant that I, I had to be vegan and I had to do this and I had to do that and like there was a certain way I needed to look and I'm just using that as a random, random example, but it's, it's actually understanding. No, it's, it's what, how you want to serve and, and what that medicine is, is bringing up for you. Um, that is really an alignment and everything else is like part of your personality. It's part of your magic. And it would be the same as, as how we, um, share Reiki or even of offering a session. We'll all be very different in that. And that's being true to your way. And I think that for me, that's, that's really powerful. And understanding that we all have different flavors and that's important rather than fitting into a box or needing it to look a certain shape. Um, that's what I. Really got from that precept, get from that precept as well as like, when I speak to it to others, um, as real, just like essentially authenticity.

Speaker 3 37:31

I love that. It's like more about, you know, grounding and presence as opposed to a direction forward. So that, um, and I love that distinction because I'm, I'm just a little bells are going off in my head about that because, you know, I think sometimes what, when you think about those words, be true to your way, But then adding on the being, it's like, um, getting out of the mindset of I should be anywhere else, but where I am, you know, and that, that can also bring us really into that powerful state of presence. And then from that place, you get to decide, you get to take like ownership empowerment for, you know, how you want to show up and, and what, when it feels that really beautiful authenticity gets to shine through. So.

Speaker 5 38:15

Yeah. And I think, thank you for speaking to that because that, that's also being true to your way also reminds me to be true to myself and true to what I need. And so that brings to, to like the medicine for me and that was like when I was processing my grief. And thinking that I needed to be doing something else or I needed to be a certain way, it was like, no, being true to what I need and being true to my way sometimes meant I don't have the energy for anything right now. My way right now is to be grieving. My way is to be sad. My way is, is Just not being able to commute or to communicate or anything. And that's where Reiki really served me in my process of, of, of grieving and, and, and losing my sister, but also taking care of her. So I took care of my beautiful younger sister, um, for 18 months, um, who had, uh, A stage four brain cancer. And it was not an easy journey. Um, and Reiki really served me in so many ways. But what it did was help keep me centred. And It also helped me just really be true to, true to my way, true to my emotions, true to my process, true to all the shitty stuff. I'm not allowed to say that, sorry. Um, all of it, all of it. And, and being okay with the parts that don't feel right, but are very much a part of my human experience. and being okay and present with the anger and then also letting it move. But I think that being true to your way and being true to what you're feeling, that that is your way, then when we are, then it, then it does move. It's, it's when we're not true to it, when we're, we try to avoid it or resist it, that then it stays. And that's, you know, that absence of, um, and so I, Your way is also like, what, where am I at right now? Instead of, I don't want to be this way. It's like, no, this is, this is what's going on for me. And, um, that's a powerful place and a powerful presence to have, and it's so self serving and, and self serving in all the right ways. That's, uh, just to clarify, when I talk about self serving, it's like a beautiful thing. And understanding how to serve self really ripples out, but that being true to your way is being true to all of it, all the messiness. Yeah.

Speaker 4 40:53

That, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and it's always difficult to even know how to express to people who go through something like that. How did you. in that environment? How did you keep your strength? We were just talking before about keeping that resilience, keeping that Openness and vulnerability at the same time while being in a situation where I think a lot of people might feel where they disappear and because they're so invested in being there for this other person.

Speaker 5 41:38

I think that sometimes just being there for the other person, like having the job to do was what got me through. And also, um, I think that I'm so grateful that I had Reiki in my practice for quite a few years before this experience. And then there were a lot of times where. I just knew even though I couldn't feel it, well, no, I could feel it, but I wasn't like, it wasn't a thought process that I was being supported and that that loving compassion was holding me. And again, I think that's like correlates to just like having committed to the practice for a certain amount of time and just like having that like sense of knowing within me, which was, I'm just so incredibly grateful for. Um, and. I think that when it's someone that you love so dearly, there's just like, there's this equal amount of love as grief. Like this is equal amount. I really do see that. I see that in grief too. Like to me, like a deep, the deep pain and grief is a deep reflection. It's divine reflection of the love you have for them. And so I, and that's what kind of kept me going. As well as, as always seeing that the non duality of like, yes, this is awful. And we're going through this experience together and I'm having this intimate time with her and just being present to what is very natural as well as I, we. And this is what we believed and that's what I guess what made it easier for us is like it a lot of it was out of our control and accepting that and also just accepting that we all die and the number the time is is different and often we don't know when that is. Um. And just being open to it being a part of her experience. And yeah, just keep coming back to the energy. And I do actually, I can say that there's some times where I was completely like unaware of what was going on. I was just in service, but something was guiding me. Like in so many ways, there was things that I would do, I had no idea why I was doing them because we were in deep stress and just like everything was going on and later I'd be like, how did I know to do that? Like, and so I knew that there was this life force that was supporting me in times where I wasn't able to and I will be forever grateful for that.

Speaker 4 44:14

Someone I know recently, had a family member die and it wasn't a shock, it was something that was good. Coming and, um, she described it, when this person died, she described it as a high. Which I thought was a very interesting way to talk about death and because we often see death as such a frightening, scary place, but just that acceptance in the moment of what is happening and being there together and, Yeah, I think taking the fear out of it for themselves and really just seeing it as a beautiful experience. I know that's sort of hard for us to come to terms with, but just seeing death in a different light and,

Speaker 45:03

uh,

Speaker 4 45:04

and then feeling, she said for days on end, she was on a high and this was a Reiki practitioner, someone who is very into working with, um, their thoughts and. and awareness and, and energy work. I just thought that was a really, uh, interesting way to be in death, I guess.

Speaker 5 45:26

Yeah, I can feel that on a lot of levels and also in the way that things like this really strengthen other connections and bonds. Um, and where you just sort of see your people come in and support you in new ways. And, obviously through this vulnerability and this grieving process, there's a lot, there's deeper connections, deeper conversations, as you're sharing your emotions and. To new levels. And I think there's so much gift in that as well as actually, I've never looked at it like that, but I can absolutely relate like, cause it, I don't know if, and again, we always different use of words, but I wouldn't say it was a high, but I would definitely say that there's like this deeper level of spiritual connection and energetic awareness and also reprieve, um, and relief. Um, and an end of suffering as well, especially if it is, you know, an illness that goes on for some time. And for me, I believe, I can't prove it, but I believe that we don't end in this life. It's just the human body, um, that, that passes. So if they're in suffering for such a long time, isn't it? Don't we kind of want them to, to go off and have their next mission. And that's what my sister and I talked about. It was like, you don't need to be in this suffering anymore. How about you just go and find out what's next. I think it's a beautiful thing. It's so special.

Speaker 4 46:50

One other thing that did make me think about too was, um, you were talking about finding your way when people saying, you've got to find your way now. And I totally agree with you that it's this thing of, it's just being here. And if you think about it, we're given that in the precepts as well, because there is for today only. And we just stick that at the beginning of that. And here we are, this is it, right? This is just it. And I always. Think of little ants or beings doing their thing and living their life and their experience. And I don't see us as being incredibly different from any other being on this planet. So when I think about like a little ant wandering along the ground, I don't think of that little ant as sitting there and pondering, what's my purpose. It really gets in there and just does it right. And that's what we've got to do too.

Speaker 5 47:42

Yep. I completely agree. And I actually think that that's where some of the disharmony or disconnection comes from. As we have, instead of like being true to our way, sometimes it's just like just cruising along for the ride instead of like having to make meaning of everything. And I think that's what we've, we've done as humans that I, we have to have it all figured out. And if the plan doesn't go that way, then I'm not doing it right. But also like, Oh, that happened to me. I have to make meaning of that. It's like, no, it's just, just happened to you. And there's spaciousness in that too. It's beautiful.

Speaker 3 48:18

Oh, Jay. I always love hearing you talk and you always have just such a refreshing experience and such a beauty to share and I just want to again, say my condolences for your sister and I saw the journey that you went on and so incredibly proud of you for how you showed up and the courage that you brought to that really heartbreaking moment in, in you and Shelly's life. And so, I'm grateful that she is also retrieved and on her way and on the next level of her journey. And as are you, so that's really exciting to see and, um, a bittersweet, I'm sure a little bit. But, I just wanted to, maybe we could round off the conversation a little bit coming back to that topic of people pleasing and, learning how to undo that and really remembering how deep that psychological impact people pleasing can do, like what it robs you of, like, you know, your sleep, you talked about your wellbeing, you know, your relationship, the world feeling good about yourself. I think it's really poignant, so maybe you could just speak a few words as to, like, somebody who's really struggling in this topic, maybe didn't even realize it. What would you say to her? How would you help her find a new way, um, inside of herself and, and out of this, cycle?

Speaker 5 49:38

Yeah, I love that question. I think that in the beginning, it's important to understand a lot of people have a perception that, I have to put everyone else first because that's the way I've been taught. That's the way I've been raised, right? And so it's understanding that a part of it is actually a pattern or a behavior that's been passed on to you and you feel like that that's true. But also the perception that that is the way you need to operate. So if we can Reverse that and think like if you can add yourself to that basket of care, and if you can take care more of your energy and your sleep and your mind and your body, you're better for everyone else around you. So that energy that you give self ripples outward, because people don't tend to think Um, I think about it in that way of like actually when you sleep better and you like eat better and you make better choices or you're more aligned with yourself and that doesn't need to look a certain way, just what feels better for you, you are better in the way you operate and in your mood and your energy and your passion. Stress, like everything lifts and raises from there. And so I share that because that can be a motivation of like, actually, if I learn to incorporate me in this equation of care, that will do better for not only for me, but for everyone else. Um, I think that that makes it a little bit more appealing in the beginning with, it's a bit of a motivation, right? But also to understand that the more we can really Slowly begin to understand what our needs are, the, the, the sooner we can do that in a more organic and natural way. So it is a process of like, it's going to feel a little clunky in the beginning. Like I don't actually even know what I need because I've never asked myself that question before. So what is it? And then you might try it and be like, well, actually, I thought that was what I needed, but it isn't, but I'm going to try something else. I'm going to try. So it's understanding that. You're learning something new, you're learning how to flex a new muscle in terms of like, what do I need and how can I lift my energy and that will, and, and also that it's nice to have a few different things in your toolkit, because it isn't always just one thing that serves or that one thing may not work in a different occasion. I also like to talk about it as. As it's like a savings account. So little things can add up. It isn't about completely reinventing your life. It isn't, although retreats are amazing, it isn't always about being able to do that. What really is important is all those little things that can add up like a savings account. And the next thing you know, you feel completely different. In terms of the way you're authentic in yourself. In terms of maybe being able to sit outside and just look out. into the view and enjoy it instead of like feeling like you need to be somewhere else or that you're uncomfortable in your own space or it's about starting to understand to communicate some boundaries so understanding when you are you have given out too much and you're completely depleted when you need to say no but also that there's a really beautiful way to do that so it doesn't just have to be a no it can be or actually I am feeling really depleted, like letting people know I'm feeling really low right now. I need to take some time for myself. I need to do this and explaining it a little bit to those that you feel safe to do that. Other times, if they don't, if they're not going to get it, just Just say no. And just say no. And then maybe even like, oh, look, I can't, I've just been called away for something. Like, cause not, it's not always safe to express that people, especially those that are used to you giving out always, they may not react well in the beginning, but understand that that's just because you're showing up in a different way that they're not used to. And so. Just kind of walking slowly with that. So just, yeah. And, and sometimes it can be just, I really can't, I'm not available right now and not needing to explain it. Um, and taking those little snippets, it doesn't have to be whole days, just little snippets, um, or leaning on someone else to help you find that. And I, and that's what I did in the beginning was having a coach and talking it out and understanding why I was doing it, because we've spoken to. A few different layers as to why we become people pleasers. So it can be helpful to maybe speak to someone and understand that for you because it might be a little different to someone else. But it can also be helpful to speak to someone because they can help you find what's authentic to you in terms of what works. So I think that that's where I'd go with that. And I do have a tendency not to give you like a specific recipe because we don't have one. Like being true to your way, it's going to be different for all of us.

Speaker 3 54:41

So true. And then there's beauty in that, right? Cause you get to create your own way and then you get to say, take ownership for, for what you create. And, um, that can feel really good too.

Speaker 5 54:54

And being, just being really authentic to that. So it can be really different. Like I know that you, you make malas and I'm sure that that. Is also like a really beautiful way for you to just like slow down and be creative and for some others that may be just like Doing a puzzle. It can be really powerful to do things that have no purpose whatsoever And just just slow down.

Speaker 3 55:18

Jay, can you share a little bit about how people could reach you if they wanted to explore this topic in more depth with you?

Speaker 5 55:24

With everyone that I work with, um, on my website, so it's www. jomnit. com. Um, there is an opportunity to chat with me for free. And I, I met with people for 20 or so minutes and, and because this work is really authentic and it's important for you to find someone that you. Connect with. That's why I offer that. And also because then we can feel if it's the right fit in terms of like what we can do. that's how all my work starts. Or I have, um, group coaching calls, um, twice a month. So on the new moon and on the full moon. Um, and that's an opportunity for people to receive coaching in a more affordable way. And also just to be guided in some of these really beautiful, uh, self inquiry, contemplation, um, Visualization and also, um, regular release practices. Um, and it's, it's a nice way for people to experience that. And they either join us live or they receive the recording and do it in their own time. So there's lots of versatility in the way I work, but I'm here to serve.

Speaker 3 56:27

Yes. Serving yourself and seeing that ripple out. I love that. Awesome. Well, thank you all so very much for joining us on this very special episode of the Rachel Women podcast. And all of them are special, but we have this, opportunity this month to talk about these different aspects of women's health and wellbeing. And so I really hope that you're getting a lot out of these conversations. And we'd love to hear from you as to what you're getting out of it and, and your own reflections and process regarding the topic we've discussed today or any of the other videos you've been watching in this series. So, once again, thank you Jay for joining us today and, uh, thanks again. Thank you so much for having me. Absolutely. And thanks again to all of our gorgeous listeners. So please feel free to like, subscribe to our YouTube channel, share this episode on to somebody else that you think who could really benefit from it, and we'll see you for a future video on women's health coming up soon. Have a gorgeous day. Bye. Thanks, Jay.

Speaker 6 57:34

Thank you so much.