RWP Episode 201: Are Reiki Women Too Nice?

Kindness is a core Reiki value… but what happens when being nice starts hurting your business, your boundaries, and your wellbeing?

In this episode of the Reiki Women Podcast, we explore the hidden cost of over-flexibility and why compassion must include yourself first.

We talk about the three biggest areas Reiki practitioners struggle with:
✨ Money — undervaluing sessions, sliding scales below survival, and pricing from guilt
✨ Time — overextending sessions and being constantly available
✨ Criticism — taking toxic feedback personally and bending to expectations

Plus:
• The difference between kindness vs. niceness
• Codependent pricing and boundary red flags
• How to communicate policies clearly and confidently
• Being “firm and flexible” in Reiki practice and business

If you’ve ever struggled to charge your worth, hold boundaries, or respond to criticism,  this conversation is for you.

💛 Support the Reiki Women Podcast
Help us keep creating honest Reiki conversations in 2026:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-reiki-women-podcast-in-2026

👉 Don’t forget to LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE to help more people discover the show.


#ReikiBusiness #ReikiPodcast #EnergyHealing #ReikiTeaching #Reikiprecepts

--
About the Podcast
Reiki Women Podcast shares the voices of women-identified Reiki practitioners from around the world. Through stories of healing, lineage, and spiritual practice, we explore the culture and community of Reiki practice.

Join hosts Bronwen Logan, Carrie Varela, and Michaela Daystar as they reflect on the system of Reiki and the women who shape its path.

Meet the Hosts
🌿 Bronwen Logan — @reikiwithbronwen
🌿 Carrie Varela — @reikihealingsociety
🌿 Michaela Daystar — @heartscapes.insight

🎧 Listen on Spotify, YouTube, and your favorite podcast platforms
💛 Support us on BuzzSprout: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2217494/supporters/new

📲 Join our Facebook group: facebook.com/reikiwomenpodcasts/groups

#ReikiHealing #WomenInReiki #ReikiPodcast #ReikiLineage #ReikiCommunity #SpiritualPractice #Reiki #TraditionalReiki #JapaneseReiki

Transcript

0:00

This idea of being too nice really gets quite heavy for me. and as I think through like the way that that shows up in my reiki business, 'cause of course it looks all kinds of different ways across life. There's three kind of main places that I can point to where that can be out of balance or in balance in my reiki practice and business. the first is around money. And you've, you've already spoken to that a little bit. this is a place that can be so hard for people who, you know, go into business because they are passionate about something, but not necessarily focused on business. There's lots of other spaces where good conversation around the relationship with money, you know, is explored. But in this context, you know, the desire to be kind and compassionate, which is a core of our principles, right? And part of what brings a lot of us to this work, around money, you know, can tip into the. Unbalanced side of being too nice. Right? So let's just say kind and compassionate is a really, really good way to be. And. It just, people show you who they are. And I was just being overly kind and understanding to this person and let them kind of tramp all over my boundaries. And here I am, like, like, I should not be surprised by this. But I find it, I find this kind of idea of just like, you know, get people out of your life that aren't like, good for you and all of that. I, I struggle with that because I have this like heart of universality where I'm just like, everybody is inherently good and, um, you know, we should understand where people are coming from and stuff like that. And so it's just so easy for me to kind of lower down to somebody's level and not be where I am and or not hold my truth as so much more important than whatever this person thinks of me. In the reiki precepts and the word heto, which means yourself. And that not only does it mean yourself, it also means others, but it starts with yourself. So that word means yourself, but it actually reflects others as well. And we were discussing how a lot of people in that precept think or be kind to others. Also yourself. Like that's like a little tag on, but actually it's the other way around. It's be compassionate to yourself and from that you will be compassionate to others. Hello friends. Welcome back to the Reiki Women podcast. We have a question for you. Are Reiki women too nice? This is a question that popped up in our conversations, before jumping on recording, and one that ended up with quite a bit of depth to it. Do we tend to give too much of ourselves? Do we tend to soften our boundaries when we know that we should be firm? Do we tend to over give or, have a hard time saying no? I would say not necessarily, but that this is a pattern that definitely showed up in me when I first became a Reiki practitioner that I had to confront in some very specific ways. And it is one that I have sometimes seen in my colleagues. And so I think it's something that I love that we're talking about and that we can, you know, share a little bit about how we maybe have struggled with some of these things and have found remedies within ourselves, to be both compassionate and kind and loving in our practice, and also to create and respect our own boundaries. I think it's an important topic. I'm looking forward to it, and I'm gonna toss it first to you, Ms. Carrie. Well, I appreciate the question, Michaela, and I think it's. I mean, I know for myself I am too nice sometimes. I'm just too nice. I just, and I see people being manipulative or being not like the nicest people or like, you know, kind of taking advantage of me or the situation. And I always like cringe about putting up boundaries sometimes, or like finding ways to kind of be confrontive with people. I tend to be a more passive aggressive than that. And, I love Michaela, how you often speak about codependency, because I think those of us on the reiki path, we really should look closely at like patterns of codependency because one of the specific things is like, you know, you feel responsible for somebody else's emotional life, their healing, how they feel or how they're reacting to a situation that you're facilitating. Something I've really had to confront and overcome as a yoga instructor and as a yoga, as a reiki practitioner because in a yoga class sometimes they just take this really weird responsibility for everyone else's experience. And I'm at the top of the room. I'm guiding the class, of course, but I don't, it, it's, it's actually not my experience. It's not my practice. Like I can guide them into plank, but they're doing the plank. Same with a reiki session. You know, I can be there and holding space for them, but the, the results of the session are not up to me. And, you know, a reiki session could rub you the wrong way. It actually could be really confronting with an issue that you're having in your life. And when we're true soft as practitioners, if our emphasis and a session is really focused more towards relaxation, inner peace, and, you know, self-soothing, which is nice. And sometimes Reiki can be really good for that, but that's not always healing. Sometimes healing, you have to confront, confront things. so I guess I'll just pause there and I have another story for this, but I'll, I'll share that on the next go around. What do you think about this topic? Bronwen? Are reiki women too? Nice. Are you too nice? I'm not nice at all. No, I'm, I'm way too nice. Oh, I mean, how do I know? How do I know? You know, I, I actually, I think I'm probably, way too nice, but, you know, it is hard, isn't it? Because we treasure and uplift that quality of kindness in, in our world, don't we? And you know, I always try to come back to that being kind. but that can segue into places of being too nice when it's really not required. And sometimes we've really got to set our boundaries and let people know what is or isn't acceptable. Look, I've gotten way better at it as I've gotten older for sure. I think that's, that's just, learning the hard way of, of getting pushed around a lot. But still a lot of things that I think, you know, in the Reiki context, I guess as a reiki practitioner, as a reiki teacher, that I could be a lot, I could be possibly a lot firmer, in, in some ways. And I think those ways might have to do with earning money. because there is still that belief somewhere in me, I was just talking about this the other day. There's some belief in me as a woman that I don't have the facility to, be independent as a money earner, even though I am and have been for, for years. And, and, but there's some underneath belief that is a cultural belief that I find so hard to shake off that, that says that I, I am, I should be relying upon a, a man to earn a living that I can then support. Rather than, you know, it's this whole idea of the woman as a, I mean, we talk about it all the time, you know, and we talk about how good we are. We are so great at being support, right? But we are so great at all these other things as well. But we just, there's like this fear to acknowledge that we can do that. And, embracing that for me personally, is incredibly difficult. You know, I always undervalue everything that I do and, I, I see, you know, like I do these practice groups and I, I love these practice groups and I make them pay as you can so that it's accessible, accessible to everyone, you know? But the truth of that is that. A male can do the exact same thing, not make it, pay as you can. And people will quite happily pay way more than they pay me for what I do. And I probably work four times harder than them to give the end product what the right this is, this is a common story. It's not just me and it's what we th it's how we value ourselves and it's what we think that we are worth. Which is, I mean, I'm, I hate to even admit that, you know, I mean that is embarrassing and it is just, it's like I said, it's some cultural thing that sits beneath who I am. I mean, I value what I do, for sure I do. and you know, I. But I just see that I can't, I find it very difficult to, to jump over that, that hurdle. I don't know, actually, I don't know how to move beyond that hurdle to be honest. And, I do find it very interesting. there is something, and, and this is gonna appeal to Michaela, oh, probably Carrie as well. Sorry Carrie, but I just know that McKayla has a tattoo of Fudo Myoo, right. And, immovable wisdom, right? So this, this concept of immovable wisdom, I think is something that would be really a lot more beneficial in my life and in what we were just discussing before we came on. so, you know, this thing of being able to cut through the shit. Move forward, see things clearly, burn away, all that cultural bullshit that sits at the base of it and then bind. So this idea that Futo has this rope, you know, and bind this stuff that we just don't need in our lives and, and really not get attached to it. Be able to set it aside and move forward. And, you know, for one, I, I would say that once again, that seems to me a very, I don't like to say it like this, but almost like a male thing. And it's something that I think women also find quite difficult. And, I would, I would like to see more immovable wisdom in my life. but I do also love the fact, you know. Michaela mentioned firm and flexible earlier. You know, I love that. I feel like I can definitely do that and I can at times be firm. I can at times be flexible, but, and, and really sitting into that space, but just looking at immovable wisdom and really feeling that and, and knowing that I have that strength in me and that, mm, maybe maybe I can move forward and, and shift things and change things and, and change it for me in my life. But then let that be a, a ripple out into the world as well. Right. For other women because. Yes, definitely in our reiki world, as we talk about all the time, we are, you know, more than 80% of us are women here. And, we need to be that immovable wisdom and, and show that strength to the world be that strength. Yeah. Yeah. I love, I love that you just used Futo to demonstrate the principle of firm and flexible, that principle of balancing the elements of firmness and flexibility is probably one of the most important, like, teaching points that I have received from you. Like, I first encountered that from your teachings, and it's woven into all of the ways that I teach Reiki. And as a principal in my life, it'd be, it's, it's a really important diagnostic for me, right. In seeing, you know, where are my tendencies on this spectrum of being. Very, very, very flexible with everything that I do versus very firm or rigid, right? And like the extremes of that. and, and, and where to kind of find more balance. And so my natural tendency is much more towards flexibility, which in its unbalanced unhealthy state can become this, way in which I struggle to set boundaries, subvert my own needs. you know, I'm like a leaf in the wind when I'm really out of balance in this way, like going this way and that. And when there's other people making draws on my time it, and I'm, and I'm not, I don't have my firmness dialed in. Well then this idea of being too nice really gets quite heavy for me. and as I think through like the way that that shows up in my reiki business, 'cause of course it looks all kinds of different ways across life. There's three kind of main places that I can point to where that can be out of balance or in balance in my reiki practice and business. the first is around money. And you've, you've already spoken to that a little bit. this is a place that can be so hard for people who, you know, go into business because they are passionate about something, but not necessarily focused on business. There's lots of other spaces where good conversation around the relationship with money, you know, is explored. But in this context, you know, the desire to be kind and compassionate, which is a core of our principles, right? And part of what brings a lot of us to this work, around money, you know, can tip into the. Unbalanced side of being too nice. Right? So let's just say kind and compassionate is a really, really good way to be. We want that in our practice being nice. I'm gonna just use as the short change for being out of balance in that way too flexible. So, you know, around money I, that might look like, you know, I, I know what my price needs to be. It tends to be on the lower side for my market. But you know, right now I have, my pricing is in a place where I'm pretty happy. And then I do have sliding skills. 'cause I want my work to be accessible. Right? I don't want people to not be able to access this work because money is a barrier. Yeah. When I'm out of balance, I'll make that sliding scale. Like the amount of money that I, that I know that I need at a minimum, I'll take that sliding scale below that minimum. Mm. Right. So that, you know, here's what I'd like to get, but if you can pay me this. Then that'll work. What I'm doing there is I'm harming myself because now I'm not getting what I need as opposed to being like, I know what I need. Like what I would like to have is maybe a midpoint. And then my sliding scale goes a bit above that and a bit below that. And that was a, you know, it's a simple mindset shift, right? Moving where a scale lies. But it was huge for me to first of all realize that I had been chronically pushing my scale way under what actually I need to be a human in a modern world that's capitalistic. and that the fix was both simple. But not emotionally easy. Hmm. Because as both of you have spoken to, right, we have these pressures to be nice, to make room for people, to put other people's needs before our own, to, you know, not rock the boat. And if we have any kinds of codependent tendencies, which I absolutely do, we're covering codependent for about 10 years now and or, you know, overly caretaking as a kind of, survival mechanism, which many of us also have some version of that, then that is not an easy thing to do. You know, to, to say, my li you know, I actually have a limit on what I can receive from my services. And if you can't make that limit, I'm sorry. I can't help you. Right. so that's how that shows up around money. Related to that is time. you know, as reiki practitioners, we have a job that's relatively fluid. we schedule our own, you know, we make our own schedule, which is great. I love that about this work. It's one of my favorite things about this as a job. and it can open us up to too much flexibility, right? Where if we don't really know where our, where our, like boundaries are related to our reasonable work hours, you know, we could, we could be answering texts from clients or students in the middle of the night. We can be, you know, oh, you know, a, a session gets extended and then extended again, and, oh, I just didn't wanna interrupt. They were, they were really, you know, in the midst of telling me all about all the things in their life and I didn't wanna like cut off the time, so I just let it go over for 20 minutes, right? These places where needing to have, Our resources available to us, gets in the way sometimes of wanting to, or feeling like we have to contort ourselves to make space for other people's needs. The last place, that came up specifically around the business is handling criticism or, negative feedback. Yeah. or, you know, somebody saying, Hey, I really need you to do something differently. the, like, too firm, the rigid place of that might be to just reject all criticism or, you know, just, I'm not gonna listen to any of that. On the other side of that, the too flexible, the too nice version of that might look like, again, contorting ourselves to fit that, to fix that criticism. Right. Oh, this person, you know, wished that I would, well actually, lemme use a real example. when I, when I was. Really first figuring out how to teach from the Japanese origin. So shifting away from more new aged Western reiki, forms of teaching. There was this like awkward transition time where I was kind of walking both lines and I had a student, you know, complain or, you know, was dis disappointed that I hadn't spent more time teaching about chakras and spirit guides or something like that. Some, some specific thing they were hoping to get more of. And because I didn't yet have my boundaries and my identity and my strength, you know, my mountain body, my al body, my immovable wisdom, my immovable wisdom was not yet dialed in around my teaching, right? I still felt very uncertain about making this change to a certain degree. My response to that person was, oh, I'm so, so sorry. Of course, my mistake and gave that person some private. Lessons to like fill in that gap when it wasn't a gap because it was something I had explicitly chosen to not teach, right? So instead, and what I would, would do now in that instance is, you know, hey, I'm sorry that that was a expectation you had that didn't get met. That's not actually how I teach. And here's some other places you might go for that. so you know, or you know, sometimes people are just really nasty in the feedback that they give us. And like, taking that so personally, and again, contorting ourselves to try to make up for our own perceived shortcomings. 'cause some random person on the internet said something not nice is, It's hard, it's hard not to go to that place if we are still buckling under the weight of the societal expectations that you spoke of, Bronwyn, and the way that that can be internalized and the way in which we have maybe in the past kept ourselves safe or kept ourselves feeling connected to other people through these strategies. Mm. Right. And it takes a lot of strength and a lot of presence of mind and diligence in our practice to shift a pattern like that. Right. Even if the answers are simple, move your sliding scale up 50 bucks, they can be incredibly difficult if they're coming from those kinds of places, those root places like you were speaking of. when it comes to those three examples I just gave, there are solutions to implement in our practice. I'll talk about that on the next round because Carrie, you said you had a story and I. Would love to hear it. God. Well, I'm just so grateful that you guys spread it to money because it was uncomfortable. I was feeling too nice to talk about money, but it's such an important part of it. Oh my God. Is, is certainly one way that we're being too nice. So, you know, the main thing that happened to me recently, just today actually, so I have this, practitioner who reached out to me and wanted to do a trade and there were reasons why this trade seemed to have worked out, but, to be attractive to me. And I usually am too nice to other practitioners and I always just wanna support other practitioners. In their craft and what they're doing. And, you know, always interested to see how other people approach, you know, we, we had a similar type session type, that we incorporated in our business. So I was like, interested in learning from this woman a little bit, but then she was a talker, you know, she, when she called me and talked about it, it was like I said, I have like five minutes to talk with you right now. And somehow that five minutes stretched into five, you know, like 30 minutes. And it was just like, kind of screwed me over that day. But anyways, we set up this trade, we did a trade back and forth, and it was a reasonably good experience. And then I reached out and set up another trade with her recently, and she was like, great, well I want to go first. And I was like, okay, sure. And then, she came 15, maybe even lot more than that late the session. And then, you know, again, it was just like, I mean she was actually fairly restrained in that, session and trying not to talk too much, but you could just tell she's a talker and if, if given to her natural inclinations, she would talk for like 30 minutes if she could hands down. But anyways, two hours later, you know, the session's over and I'm trying to get this woman out of my office so I can continue with my day and it just took forever. Well anyways, so eventually that session wraps up and then, you know, when it was time for me to receive, she reschedules 'cause she is under the weather, which of course is understandable, but she didn't give me any other opportunities to reschedule. And then she, just, you know, basically said, I'm gonna reschedule and or, you know, but she didn't ever contact me when she was ready to reschedule. And then I reached out to her to reschedule and she is now out of town for like another month and a half or something like that. Well, anyways, all of that wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I was like, well, you know, I'm just feeling like I could use some self care. And, specifically I do this, aroma therapy session where you drop essential oils on the spine and I was just feeling like my spine could really use that kind of nourishment. And, anyway, so she writes me back today saying like, I hope you don't take this personally, and I'm just giving you this feedback based on some of our texts that we've had and. Proceeded to tell me how I was not spiritual enough because I was depleted and that I needed a daily spiritual practice. And I, if I wasn't giving myself spiritual or self care every single day, and, that, that I, I was giving off a low vibration to people. And that even as a mother, there's no excuse, you can never be depleted as a mom. And that if you're not taking care of yourself, then you're offering a very low quality of care and consciousness to your kids. I mean, literally, I was appalled that this woman had the audacity to say this to me. And it's, you know, one of those things where it's like sometimes people attack you or they have this negativity that they want, and I was like, I'm not gonna let this person like color my field or my energy today, you know? Meanwhile, of course I'm getting this text message while I'm in a coaching session. Like I have all this other self-care line this week. It's like such a ridiculous statement, you know, that she just inferred from the way I described something that I was experiencing in that moment. so I, I was feeling like I don't know how to like, confront this person because I normally, I'm like more of a passive aggressive, wanting to like, just sidestep the issue. But I feel like I need to like just be very direct and say, I just don't wanna work with you anymore and you know, I'm offended by your text message. And, and, and then that opens it up for more dialogue and back and forth, which I don't want. but that's what negative toxic people sometimes do. You know, they just like try to drag you in into conflict or whatever. And. And, and I knew that this is who this person was. Like I just, you know, it just, people show you who they are. And I was just being overly kind and understanding to this person and let them kind of tramp all over my boundaries. And here I am, like, like, I should not be surprised by this. But I find it, I find this kind of idea of just like, you know, get people out of your life that aren't like, good for you and all of that. I, I struggle with that because I have this like heart of universality where I'm just like, everybody is inherently good and, um, you know, we should understand where people are coming from and stuff like that. And so it's just so easy for me to kind of lower down to somebody's level and not be where I am and or not hold my truth as so much more important than whatever this person thinks of me. So. Huh. Anyways, I'm, I'm being too nice in that situation, so I need to firm up my boundaries and I need to be more clear, you know? Yeah. About what kind of, you know, expectation I have when I engage with any sort of trade with a practitioner. Yeah. I'm really grateful though that you brought up money, because that's also been a real ribbon that's flowing through my situation right now. And I wrote this, um, post a while back, um, about a course that I'm, um, actually going to be offering coming up soon, called Financial Foundations. And I, it is like a carousel post about like seven things. Seven things that might tell you if your PRI pricing is, um, you know, impacted by codependency. And one of the points in that was when we're so concerned about somebody else's financial situation. Overly concerned about their financial situation and just have no concern for our own. And I think that's really sits at the heart of what we've been talking about, is like we're so willing, so flexible to bend to, you know, the crumbs or whatever anybody else wants to give us without yeah. Really doing the work of what is my value and what value do I bring, um, to a situation. And this week I had, um, so there's a lot of change happening in one of the yoga studios that I've been teaching at for many years now, and they've decided to move away from yoga. And so there's quite a handful of us, like who've taught yoga at this studio. And we're like, well, we teach yoga. And you know, they're like, well, we're rebranding as a fitness studio and so we're just canceling all the yoga classes. And that was just, it was kind of dramatic, kind of just, you know, change that was gonna happen. And I wasn't really sure how I was responding to all of this change. But then I realized I, like, I, I set myself up in the situation where I was like, well, I'll just teach there for another five more weeks and, you know, help other people finish up their class packages. And meanwhile, like I am earning basically nothing to teach this class. And I have been earning like, basically nothing for a long period of time. And I don't know why I get so stubborn about teaching this class except this mindset of like, the more I do it, the more people will come. Which has not been the reality at all. And I've thought about it, I was like, I could switch this class this week and I could be earning like two or three times more at a place where I'm just renting the room and like paying us a nominal amount per client. And I was like, why do I not do that? And I was thinking it was just because of the inconvenience for my students. And I was like, but nobody's talking about the inconvenience for me. Um, anyway, so all of this was happening and I, the last class I go to teach there randomly there's a package for me at the studio. I have no idea. I'm like, why is this package and it's from this, um, software program that I actually ditched. But then they gave me this book and it was 10 k or 10 times is easier than two times. And it's a really interesting book. And it was like this gift from the heavens just plot out in front of me. And the whole premise of this book, I know I'm going on and on, but is like, our tendency is when we're in a financial rut is to set our mindset of like, what would it be like if I earned two times more and what would, you know, what would that give me? But like the whole mindset of this is actually that just leads you to doing more of what's not working. Hmm. And that if you set your mindset to earn 10 times more than whatever you're earning in any given situation, that will help you simplify and streamline your time. It helps you put your, um, you know, eggs in the right baskets, you know, the things that are more likely to support you. Um, so for any reiki women who are too nice out there, especially very feeling very codependent about their pricing patterns, one of the suggestions is for every paycheck you got, imagine what it would be like if it was 10 times more. I was like, do that today, because just suddenly I got this paycheck in the mail from some jewelry that I sell at a, a local place, and it was $81, and I was like, great, $81, that's sweet. But if I put a, an extra zero on that, that would be $810. And you know what? That would actually be a pay. Yeah, like I could actually do something with that $810. You know, it would actually be, you know, something that could shift my month instead of just $81, which is just basically scraping back. So how are you gonna do it? How are you gonna do it? Well, probably not sell jewelry anymore. That's probably one of the things I need to do. Um, but that's, that is the million dollar question, Broadwin. And I've been teaching you with this coach and he was just like, no, no, no. You need to stop teaching Reiki one and two separately and you need to charge $1,500 for your reiki one and two courses. And I was like. You know, like I felt like I know that that's what the value I think of the courses have no doubt. But here I am not charging that and, you know, compromising my weekends, my time, my energy, so much to support other people to learn reiki and it's just really scraping by. It's not really getting ahead. Mm. So, mm, it's, yeah, it's all worth thinking about and how we, how we think about ourselves and what we're doing. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure I've got a lot more to add to all of that though. Your story about that woman, you know, I think that's where Fudo comes in with that rope ties that woman up in the rope. Good luck lady. And, sends her off on her own lovely way. I mean, really. Putting your energy into that, probably not gonna be very helpful and put your energy into, 10 times. Yeah, I mean I honestly, some people it's just not worth putting your energy into. That's the whole point. Right. And sometimes I think that's, you know, some people have that down pat and they're so good at it and it's like, well yeah, nah, not going there. Nah, not going there. Not going there. And they managed to keep that forward moving vision. And I think that's, that's a great lesson. And it is that sort of tying people up and just not getting too worked up about someone else's issues with something, you know? I think, you know that a lot of that's what we teach when we talk about the precepts and you know, we might think we are helping people by getting into all that stuff, but actually we are not helping. We're often just. Feeding the fuel of their weirdness, whatever their issues are. And you know, I think we've mentioned at different times, we need to think about ourselves. Is it supporting you? Is it helping you, in any way by moving into these, these things that, that people will bring to us. And, because they need to bring it somewhere. Yeah. And sometimes we are the, the person that they think that it might, and maybe they're right. Maybe that will trigger stuff for us, and maybe that will make us go a little crazy. But, ideally I think we need to be able to let it go, move forward and, wish them well. Well, don't wish them don't, don't, don't, don't say anything to them because that's just feeding their fuel, isn't it? But, but in your mind, just, you know, wish them well. And, You can still add that little sprinkle of kindness on top and move forward and be kind to yourself. Oh my God. You know, I just did that interview with, Lynn and Andrea about, recovery to Wholeness and, you know, it did come up about the precepts and, and that word heto in, be compassionate to yourself and others. And in, in the reiki precepts and the word heto, which means yourself. And that not only does it mean yourself, it also means others, but it starts with yourself. So that word means yourself, but it actually reflects others as well. And we were discussing how a lot of people in that precept think or be kind to others. Also yourself. Like that's like a little tag on, but actually it's the other way around. It's be compassionate to yourself and from that you will be compassionate to others. Yeah. It's such an important distinction, right? Because I have heard that that precept used to justify overextension and over caretaking and being too nice. Yeah. And having, you know, a lack of boundaries. And, you know, I, we, we talk about gaslighting and spiritual bypassing on this, podcast from time to time because it's a really important thing for us to keep in mind, you know, to resist spiritual, you know, using these incredibly powerful spiritual principles to get around something that actually needs to change or to be. You know, acknowledged and, and confronted within ourselves and perhaps with others, and or to have other people do that to us. You know, when you kind of shared the content of that message from this person who had already been a labor digger of your time, I love that term, labor digger as opposed to gold digger. That term was, coined by a woman who uses the handle, uppity egress on, Facebook and Instagram and all the places. really fantastic, like commentary on these kinds of dynamics. And, you know, the idea of somebody, you know, extracting labor from other people. You know that, I really thought of that when you were sharing that story and then to come back with a lecture about, oh, you're, you're obviously not spiritual enough because you're burned out, right? Without knowing anything about your life, without knowing anything about. You know, all of the things that you're juggling, which is true of any of us at any given time, right? To, to just presume to, you know, have, have, have taken your time without payment. Right. both in terms of going long on the session that you had, you know, traded with her and then, you know, bypassing her obligation to reciprocate that session. it just, it really shows the, the, one of the likely consequences of us not having those boundaries firm in our body, right. Embodying what we are willing to do and what we are not as we move through our life. And that is true of all areas of our life. I mean, as parents, as partners, as friends, as business owners, all areas of our life, this is true. But I wanted to circle back to those three examples I gave to kind of narrow in what is something that has to do with our whole life, into just some of the ways that I've, worked on overcoming this dynamic. Specifically in my reiki business. I've come a long way from being very overly caretaking, codependent and overgiving of myself, way too flexible in my business, to being in a place that I feel very comfortable, around that dynamic. so, you know, first the, so the, the issues of being too flexible with time and money, those are very related. and then what do we do when we receive either nasty feedback like you just demonstrated for us, Carrie, or, you know, criticism like critical feedback. so I wanted to kind of separate those 'cause, 'cause the first two are feel related. so one of the things that I've really. Had to, to learn and to confront is that setting boundaries, it's like unmistakably important, but something I've always struggled with. So what I found is it's much more effective to understand and to know and to communicate my boundaries before a potential breach of that boundary has happened. So when it comes to money and time, even though it was really uncomfortable for me because it felt like breaching into kind of businessy language that I wasn't comfortable with, I did eventually articulate a lot of those kinds of boundaries and policies that my business has in my website, in my program descriptions, in the contracts that I have people sign specifically around my nine month program, you know, articulating those boundaries on the front end. Multiple times in multiple ways in the, the public facing information that people would encounter before they get to me in person seems like a no brainer, particularly for people who are business minded. But this was not obvious to me, and I suspect it was not obvious to many, other folks perhaps listening. it did not feel nice. Hmm. It didn't feel welcoming to put something like that on my website or my program description to say, you know, I'll be available by text within these hours. You know, don't text me outside of these hours or don't expect a reply outside of these hours. You know, things like that. to articulate what it is that I teach specifically. You know, and I've talked about this before, like getting much, much more clear about what my values are, what my perspective is, what I am about in my reiki teaching and what I'm not. That, and getting really clear in my body. In my immovable wisdom that I am not for everybody, right? I am not the right teacher for everybody. None of us are. But I think we try to be, we try to be able to be the right practitioner for everybody. Reiki can help everybody. Well, of course it can, but it shouldn't come from me for everybody, right? And not everybody is in a place where they can respectfully engage, right? So even if it would help them, they may not be in a place to really receive it in a way that is respectful. that was a hard lesson for me. But doing the work on the front end, both logistically communicating about it in all of the ways. Putting as much of those boundaries in clear language as I can on the front end, but perhaps more importantly, doing that self work. And AMI has been an incredible ally in this. again, working with what I call the mountain body and really working that firm body. And then the flexibility of the flames and the rope, the movement, the, the shifting, the like beautiful dynamic nature of the fire that surrounds him around this incredibly powerful body. Like working with those images in my practice and my meditations and my art, has been incredibly valuable for me so that when those moments do come up. I am more likely to feel in my body an ability to say what's true for me. And I had that come up with the clients around money recently that, clients that I hadn't worked with for several years. My prices are a lot higher now than they were then. My first impulse was to give them the, the old prices that they had been used to. And I had to just take a breath and like come back into my mountain body and say, this is the price than it was five years ago. Like of course it is. Like that's how, that's how business works, right? That's another thing I have found myself do doing. I don't know if y'all have done this too, but I tend to preemptively assume that a person can't pay what I'm asking. Yeah. Which is so disrespectful to them. Right. I go to this place of like, oh, I assume you can't pay the full price. And so I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you the discounted price right off the bat. Like, and not, and that wasn't a conscious thought. It wasn't like, oh, I think everybody is poor and struggling and so I'm gonna, right. It wasn't a conscious thought. I became aware that I was doing it at a certain point. That was something I had to work with. Same dynamic around time. So same exact thing. Getting really clear in my body about what I'm willing to do for people, with my time and what I'm not, and then articulating that as well as possible. And then, you know, being prepared. So those two very similar. and then the thing around criticism or just nasty crap that might come our way. Anytime we open ourselves up to the public, we are opening ourselves up to scrutiny, especially if you open yourself up on the internet as we do here on this podcast. And all three of us have public facing other types of socials as well. so this stuff happens and, you know, I hear content creators all the time talk about ha having to have a thick skin to do this 'cause of the nasty comments and then this, you know, tension around that. I don't wanna have a thick skin. I don't wanna be, you know, rough and like, you know, boundaried up all the time, right? I wanna be kind and compassionate, and this is a fallacy that we fall to that in order to have boundaries and be firm, we can't also be kind. And I would say maybe we can't be nice, but we can always be kind, we can always be compassionate when we communicate that. So when it comes to criticism, the place that I really have had to work my, my mountain body is to resist that immediate urge to contort myself to whatever the person is complaining about. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. Let me be different to make that better for you. Right? And instead of doing that, taking a minute to just do whatever I need to do to let the defensiveness calm down. 'cause there's probably some defensiveness that have come up. And just take a look, an honest look at what was said. Is there truth in this? Is this a legitimate criticism? Is there a way in which I could respond and change because of this feedback that would actually benefit me and my business that would make my business better? 'cause of course we wanna improve, we want our businesses to improve and feedback and sometimes criticism, which is sometimes delivered in a really shitty manner, can be a really important part of that. And I y'all, when I tell you I have come a long way. This, this is a shameful secret. I have not said this out loud. For years and years and years, when I used to run a program at, at the university that I worked out for a long time, especially when I was new in that program, running it by myself without a, without a, a boss above me, we would do, you know, surveys about the program, right? Students give you their opinion, give you their feedback, their criticism, and we would, you know, very important things. You can make improvements, right? Very, very standard. I would not read them. I wouldn't, I couldn't read them. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I could not take, even though, for the most part, when I did read them, most of the feedback was very positive. I, there was something in me, I could not open myself up to that criticism, and there was a lot going on with me for that reason. So when I look back at that, I'm like, man, I've come a long way. So in, you know, there there's absolutely valuable things that we can glean from feedback like that. Sometimes the most valuable thing is to reaffirm that, no, this is actually right for me. I'm not gonna make any changes, right? This person is complaining about something 'cause it doesn't work for them. That's okay, I'm not for them, right? Maybe I need to articulate that better. Or maybe I'll be like, oh, I did actually see it says it right here. I don't teach that. Right? Or we do this differently here, right? Maybe they didn't read it. Or maybe they're coming from a place that is just making them be nasty for no reason. And then, okay, can I assess that? Oh, this person is just spewing toxic waste. 'cause that's something they feel they need to do. That doesn't have nothing to do with me. I can just move on with my day, right? And then the question of response. You know, like, Carrie, I know you're sitting with whether or not or in what way to respond to this person, right? There are times when an explanation is valuable. Oh, the thing that you noticed that you're responding to is because of this, this, this, and this and this. This is why, right? I'm not sure this personally, in my personal opinion, I'm not sure. This case that you described is one of those. I think this might be a like, thank you for expressing yourself. Good to know who you are. I think this is the end of our, we don't need to, we don't need to do this anymore. Thanks for your time. Have a good life, right? Don't need to respond. Oh, you did respond to me. Block, right? The block button can be a blessing. Can be a blessing. Block that person. Personal opinion. So, yeah, I, I think the, the, the, the balance of really working on those places that need to come into balance between being firm and flexible, boundaries and flexibility, so that we are embodying it and then really assessing the ways in which we either are or are not communicating those boundaries publicly and maybe making some adjustment there so that our business as an entity, as a structure can help do some of that work for us. Can help filter out some of, those things that might trip us up before they even get to us. That's what I got. Anything else before we wrap up our time? Well, I just think it's important, I think, to distinguish that compassion is not always nice. You know, sometimes compassion can have a really firm edge, and I think we've kind of mentioned that with the Food of Myo thing. But, compassion is a spiritual energy is different than, you know, just being nice to try to placate people or to, you know, somebody's an angry, argumentative, toxic person and you're just bending over backwards to be nice to them. You know, that's, that's not gonna do anything. A compassion is to see things clearly, see exactly where things going and, you know, not being afraid, like you said, wyn. I think that's such an important distinction. It's for myself first, and that's one of the real reasons and lessons why I think the way Reiki is often represented is something you do for somebody else can be really, It's just a setup for this like overgiving, not clear boundaried relationship that you can have with clients, with anyone you're sharing reiki with. And, and even just with yourself healing, like how can you offer care? Compassion, Reiki really to anybody else if you don't do that for yourself, you know, how can you lead when you're not, haven't been led, you know, to, to a certain situation through a certain situation. So that's what comes up for me. Anything for you, Bronwen?? I just appreciate that we can talk about those things together and that we can do it publicly because often these sorts of things we keep to ourselves because there's also a bit of shame around. People saying nasty things to us or that, you know, we think that we are not good people or something because someone said something nasty to us or whatever. So being able to just take a breath and speak about these things together, I think is wonderful. especially as women. And you know, I think that bold women, direct women are often not appreciated in this world. And, I feel like it's something that this podcast allows us to flex that that a little bit. And that's a beautiful thing because it doesn't keep us small. We don't need to be small. We can speak about these things and we can have discussions with each other and with you guys out there as well. So, I'd love to hear what you think. Yeah, I'd love to hear what you think, what you do in those situations, how you deal with things and how you keep yourself, big and open and beautiful for the world. Absolutely. So friends, drop that reflection in the comments down below. Let us know how this conversation landed for you, what it brought up for you, what strategies you may have, used to bring yourself into more balance between being firm and flexible in your life. And, yeah, any other insights that you've got. if you haven't already, please go ahead and like this video, subscribe to this channel if you have not already. That is the very best way to both support this work and to be sure you're always alerted when this next conversation pops up. And until then, we are so glad to be with you for a few moments of your day. we will talk to you next time. Love you. Goodbye.