Double AA club Podcast
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Double AA club Podcast
EP: 167 When Family Becomes Predator: A Daughter's Journey to Safety
Jelani bravely shares her story of sexual abuse by her father, highlighting how she found the courage to speak up despite his threats and manipulation. Her mother Doris reveals her own struggles as a young parent trapped in cycles of abuse while fighting to regain custody of her children.
• Jelani recounts the first incident of abuse during a family trip to Miami when her father inappropriately touched her while she was sleeping
• The abuse continued periodically, especially when her father had been drinking
• Threats kept Jelani silent until she finally felt safe enough to tell her mother
• Therapy played a crucial role in Jelani's healing process, helping her become "less shy and more brave to speak out"
• Doris shares her journey as a teenage mother who faced manipulation by an older partner who lied about his age
• The complicated custody battle that led to Doris losing access to her children except under her abuser's terms
• Discussion of the "bathroom talk" where Jelani finally disclosed the abuse to her mother and trusted family members
• How sharing their story on social media connected them with other survivors despite some negative reactions
• The ongoing healing journey of rebuilding trust, establishing healthy relationships, and processing trauma
• Jelani's balanced approach to relationships now, being cautious without completely distrusting all men
If you're experiencing abuse or know someone who is, please speak up and tell at least one trusted person. Don't let fear drive your decisions—the reality of disclosure is often less frightening than what you imagine.
You are listening to the Double A Club and this is your host, ny Boom, and my co-host, big Daz. We'll be talking about trending topics and healthcare and basically just as a disclaimer just to let the listeners know that this is just basically on our opinions and speculations and I hope you guys enjoy the show. Let's start off and kick off with our first topic.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody, thank you for joining the podcast. Once again, this is Double A Club. You can catch us on Spotify, iheartradio, amazon Music, apple Podcasts and whatever podcast you use to try and listen to podcasts. Uh, this is our second part of our first youtube series.
Speaker 2:Please introduce yourselves I'm dory carmen and I'm jay lonnie and just so, sorry, to clear my throat, just so the people who are watching Jelani if you, if you guys, watched the first Episode that I had with Doris Carmen, jelani is her daughter and this is the person who the actual event of the story Happened to, so she wants to be on the podcast to tell her story and hopefully more people will be educated on seeing some of these signs and also, maybe the younger, the children that are going through this can build up bravery to say something. So would you like to start off by telling your side of the story, jelani?
Speaker 3:um, it started when we were on a trip to miami and, um, there was this night where we were staying over there and all the adults they wanted to go out.
Speaker 3:So then we had our older cousins, like babysit, like us younger kids, and, um, we ended up falling asleep, like everybody fell asleep and that the adults came home and then everybody was just going to their rooms in the airbnb and my dad had came in with, uh, with a woman that he had met over there at the place that they went to.
Speaker 3:I don't know what place they went to, but all I know is that they went out and he came back with some women and, um, they were in the room and they were, they were like sleeping in the same bed, and I was in another bed where I was supposed to be sleeping with my dad Because, um, I didn't like sleeping by myself.
Speaker 3:So then I ended up starting to sleep with my dad and I was sleeping with my dad and then I felt him like start taking off my clothes and doing stuff to me, and then I woke up and then I told him what was he doing and he had told me to just go back to sleep and that he wasn't doing anything so I go back to sleep, and that he wasn't doing anything, so I went back to sleep. And then, after we left Miami, he didn't do it for a while until, like one day he went out to, like, I think, a club or something and he came back drunk and he did it again. He like carried me out of my grandparents room, took me to his room and started touching on me again, and then after that, like every time he would go out and get drunk, he would like do it again.
Speaker 2:So this happened more than twice? Yeah, so this happened more than twice. Yeah, okay, and why didn't you say something the first two times or maybe the third time, like why did you get that? What happened when you did decide to tell your mom?
Speaker 3:What was like the difference between that time frame and not telling it earlier? Um, because earlier he would tell me that if I told anybody, um, like he would say, if you tell anybody, something's going to happen.
Speaker 2:So he threatened you and you were scared yeah okay, and so how did you get the bravery to finally say something? Because, I mean, that threat was still there. So what made you to? What made you eventually say something?
Speaker 3:um, it was this night where he was really mad and I didn't want to go to his house and I had like I didn't want to go back and he was like really mad. So then I ended up telling my mom what happened and then, um, we had went to the police and all of that so you can say, in a way, you felt a little bit safer to.
Speaker 2:That's why you said something at the time. So, before you didn't say anything, because you was unsafe, because you was living with your, your father at the time yeah right, and at the time when you did decide to say something to your mom, you was not living with him I was living with my mom okay, good, and so did he do anything more than just touch you? Did he actually try to like go in?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It didn't happen, right? No, but he did try.
Speaker 2:Yeah and yeah, I'm, I feel a little uncomfortable trying to ask these questions with you because you're so young, but I Want, I don't want, I don't want this to see. I have, I have children myself, right, and my daughter Didn't go through something like that, but she was. She was being catfished by someone older online and he was trying to talk to her and I maybe, hopefully he was trying to lead her to somewhere. So, like, as a father, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't want that to happen To any child. But, yeah, yeah, sorry, we got cut off, technical difficulties, somebody tried to call me and it paused us. So, but so, going back to my question, right? So when this was happening to you, what was going through your head? How was you feeling?
Speaker 3:um, there was like a lot of depression and I'm sorry, speak about it. I hate you um, there was a lot of depression and I kept wondering why he was doing it and I kept like asking myself, like if I was going to tell anybody what would happen, or if I did tell anybody would like anything change.
Speaker 2:And did you know he was doing that to your brother or no? You didn't have an idea. He was doing that to your brother or no? You didn't have an idea. And now that you know that this was happening to your brother, how do?
Speaker 3:you feel I feel bad because he was younger than me and like he was, like it wasn't even his fault, it was mostly my dad's, so I felt more bad for him. Well you know, it wasn't your fault either.
Speaker 2:So I just want you to know that, to be honest with you, no father, no father should be doing that. We're we're us. We're created to be protectors of the house, not to damage it, you know. So I don't want you to think that was your fault, it's not. How do you feel now Around men in general, like going to school, boys, the new stepfather how do you feel around these guys? Do you feel anxious, nervous, scared something? Or is this okay, normal?
Speaker 3:It's more like okay, normal, but sometimes I try to make sure that I'm safe around them.
Speaker 2:And how do you do that?
Speaker 3:I mostly focus on if I know them for a number of times, and if I don't know them, then sometimes I would get to know them to see if they're really a good person or bad.
Speaker 2:I mean, and you're taking therapy now, right?
Speaker 3:Um. I just finished therapy.
Speaker 2:And how did how do you feel therapy helped you?
Speaker 3:I feel like it helped me a lot and like helped me express and like talk more about my situation.
Speaker 2:And it made me less shy and more brave to speak out. I mean, I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you, but maybe I was with you. You know, if you follow your path of that what therapy um taught you and don't have full distrust in men but, like how you said, try to find out if they're good peoples and stuff like that, you're gonna be an incredible woman, okay so here's some questions, uh, for your mommy, and you could jump, you feel like it.
Speaker 2:So my first question for you, doris, is before you were pregnant with the first, with jayron, that's your first child, I believe, right, I believe right.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There had to be some red flags. Did you not see them at all?
Speaker 4:To be honest, no.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 4:No no.
Speaker 2:So everything was kind of like good.
Speaker 4:It felt like Before the first movie. Yeah, it was like a Romeo and Juliet type of you know, just making off and seeing each other, you know, or at least that's how it felt in the beginning.
Speaker 2:And then so? When did the first red flag show?
Speaker 4:That had to be after Javon his birth, right it was actually when I found out that I was pregnant, like way on in my pregnancy, so I didn't know that I was pregnant one does with Javon his pregnancy, or I was like five months pregnant, going on six months.
Speaker 2:And do you remember what that red flag was?
Speaker 4:The first flag was when I had found out that he was a hunter and his age wasn't his real age.
Speaker 2:Okay, Okay, so let's fast forward, right? The kids are with the father now, and the only way you can see the kids now is because he's telling you how to sleep with him, right? Yeah, you can see the kids now is because he's telling you how to sleep with him, right, okay, what was? Did you not see any other options to see your kids other than sleeping with him?
Speaker 4:um, I tried to do the public places but you know, being that I'm trying from zero to pick up everything, pick up the pieces and get my stuff together, plus working Um, there was times where I wasn't able to take them to Chuck E Cheese or go bananas, or, you know, public meetings, because when we would meet he would expect me to pay for everything and I'm struggling to get on the bus to get to them. You know like at times I couldn't even afford it. So I would tell him, like, let me just see them for a couple minutes at your parents' house. You know like I'll, you know, stay in the sala or you know just one designated place for me to be with them for a little bit, and then I'll just leave. You know, because their parents were, they just didn't like me. So it was kind of uncomfortable to go over there, knowing that I left out of there for a reason, and you know it was just it was kind of hard for me to sometimes meet him in a public place.
Speaker 4:And you didn't have your own place to have the kids or like somewhere where you're staying at so, um, the places that I moved to because I was, I was bouncing from place to place because sometimes I couldn't make ends meet um, there was. You know, I wouldn't want to let him know where I was moving to, so, because I didn't tell him my address or who I was living with, or, you know, because I did have roommates, um, he wouldn't let me take them with me. So it was like uh, you know, I have the kids and either you're going to do it my way or no way.
Speaker 2:Okay, the kids, and either you're gonna do it my way or no way. Okay, and you did not decide to go to the police or go through the court system to try to get some type of visitation rights. And why is that?
Speaker 4:um, because I didn't. I didn't have the money for the lawyers and you know, like I was saying, you know, just trying to survive and make sure that my kids are okay. Yeah, I didn't think that that was a possible route because, you know, I'm literally counting change just to try to make it to them. And he has a big family, he has a lot of support Not to say that I don't have support for my family but it was really embarrassing to go through that after they told me, just leave that situation and me, like a dumbass, just run back to the situation time and time again. So it was kind of like, you know, a puppy just with his tail stuck between his legs, like damn, I can't even run to them because I don't want them in my business and to use that against me, you know. So I just went along with the punches by myself and now?
Speaker 2:do you think that you could have gone to the court system or police?
Speaker 4:in a way, yeah, I decided that I wanted to put a stop to it after I tried to kill myself. Like, at that point, I just felt helpless, I felt alone. Um, you know, I'm like, I'm going through this, I'm to survive, I'm trying to win my kids back. It got to a point where, after you know, I went to the treatments that I had to go through, I just told myself, like maybe this is God, like if I didn't die when I was, you know, like I was aiming for it, my purpose is just to keep fighting for my kids and I realized that I was being selfish and knowing that I didn't care anymore and I was going to leave them behind without thinking about it so being, you know, like I went through the therapy, I went through the sessions and I just came to the realization that I was so freaking, you know, selfish, and that gave me the fire.
Speaker 4:You know, like, you know that it's that stage where I just get mad. That's what I went through. It was like a light that ignited my fire, you know. So I said fuck it, I'm gonna give it all I got. You know, this is all I have my children. Let me fight, you know, and not give up, because this is the reason why I'm still here and ever since I've been fighting for them.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to put you in a scenario, right, you're talking to a friend of yours. I'm sorry about if this is tough to talk about. Okay, you okay. Yeah, a friend of yours, I'm sorry about if this is tough to talk about. Okay, are you okay? Yeah, I'll put you in a room scenario. You're with a friend of yours, right? She's telling you that her kids are with the father. Um, she's having a hard time seeing the kids and every time she does see the kids, the father voluntarily rapes her. Can't be completely right because she isn't technically fully stopping, correct, would you tell them to go to the police.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, right. So what I'm trying to get to is why didn't you go to the police?
Speaker 4:Because I didn't want to lose my kids.
Speaker 2:But you do know now, you was never going to lose your kids.
Speaker 4:Right, that thought you was never going to lose your kids. It was just scary, that thought you know.
Speaker 3:It was fear.
Speaker 4:The thought of like him using everything against me and, you know, making it seem like I was a harm to my kids, and I mean they gave him temporary custody, so it was like my word just floating in the air, you know, like I didn't even get a chance to fight, you know let's get this correct that temporary custody was given to him Only in the fact, because you didn't show up to court, because you didn't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you had the court. Yeah, if you would have showed up, it would have been a completely different thing, because most of these states favor If you would have showed up, it would have been a completely different thing, because most of these states favor the mother.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yes, the mother didn't even get a chance to fight.
Speaker 2:See, I know, I know. I know I'm not saying that you did, I know I understand. That's why I'm correcting that. You know you didn't. It's not because you didn't, it's because you didn't know and you didn't show up. That's why, Other than that, you probably would have. But as of now now I'm talking about now, not then, but now you know that you're not going to lose your kids because you go to the police or anything. I just don't want anybody in your situation to be still fearful to not go to law enforcement if they're in a situation similar to yours yeah right yeah, it's way different now than my mentality was back then.
Speaker 4:I was just lost. I was, you know, I didn't love myself enough, I didn't, you know. It took me a journey.
Speaker 2:And it's understandable. I mean, you was extremely young with the first baby. You know. Did you? Did you graduate high school?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was taking my son with me to complete my courses to get enough credits, and I did get my diploma.
Speaker 2:And at what age did you get that diploma? I was 18 so, and it was a tough road so it's like yeah, I mean you're gonna be a little bit, you know, naive about it and stuff like that, because you're still not. You're not growing like normal, average teenagers who are able to socialize and do everything in school, because you have to go through a different path.
Speaker 4:So yeah, it was hard. I lost a lot of friends to that. You know, I was the only one that had a baby in sophomore year and then to have another one in senior year. Like I just didn't want to be a statistic, I wanted to show my kids that if I had both of them in high school and I was able to graduate, then nothing can stop them, because I wanted to prove to them that you know, I can do it, and if I can do it, they can too.
Speaker 2:Okay so, going back to when you're visiting your kids at the father's house, right, and you're dating somebody, you decided to date somebody. You thought that you was well enough to start dating somebody at the time.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, why? Well, not why. I understand why. Because you meant well, but what did you think was going to happen or what his reaction was going to be when you told him what was happening when he was going over to the father's house, like, how did you think that was going to come out? Did you really play that out in your head? If I tell him he's going to come out, did you really play that out in your head if I tell him he's going to react like this.
Speaker 4:Um, I didn't really. I mean, I thought of it but I didn't, like I couldn't carry that with me. You know it's like carrying a cross, like you know you have that burden with you and you're like you just want to come clean. You know you feel nasty. You feel, you know, used and abused. It's like I, I was like, you know I can't like to this man. You know he's helping me. You know, get on my feet and you know, provide me with the with a roof over my head. You know, at least I'm not bouncing from house to house and, um, I just didn't want to carry that so you didn't think that telling him was risking it all there was a possibility, but you know, I just I don't think there was a possibility.
Speaker 2:Not, I don't think there was a possibility. Not.
Speaker 4:That's a tough thing for another man to hear you know, but I felt like he deserved that you know, and I'm not that type of woman, so you know, I was like, okay, well, I'm woman enough to admit my partake. But you know, this is a situation you don't deserve a situation. You don't deserve this, I don't deserve this. It's not my fault and you know, I decided that I wanted to, like, you know, be honest about the situation and you know it is a huge magnitude of like how is he gonna to react? But I just, you know, when I did tell him it got ugly. I mean, it was like seeing what I ran from. You know how they say Guatemala, but I want to pay. You know, I was like, oh no.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:After I told him and I seen how he reacted, I'm like I probably dodged a bullet.
Speaker 2:I mean yeah.
Speaker 4:I'm not married to him. You know it was easier for me to up and go versus, you know, having children and you know everything. That's all.
Speaker 2:It's just sad that you have to go through what you had to go through and after telling him still, you know, I'm saying like that's intolerable. But you telling him, hey, I'm kind of sleeping with this person or I'm being raped by this person, or whatever. However way, you told it to him that outcome, like what did you think was gonna come out of that? You know, that's, that's what I'm trying to get. Like, you know, like I'm not gonna put myself in a situation where I'm gonna get stabbed. I'm going to get stabbed or I'm going to get shot or I'm going to get punched in the face. You know what I'm saying. Like I'm not putting myself. If I'm in, if I'm in a situation, it happens, but I'm not voluntarily going to do that, and just, you know. And you kind of voluntarily put yourself in danger by telling them that.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm trying to like.
Speaker 4:You met well, but it was a bad decision he, he never gave me that inclination, that he was aggressive, or, more to say, in the beginning. You know like again, the pattern, the pattern of Prince Charming, and you know they make you feel beautiful, they make you feel like you're the only one and I kind of like I didn't see him being aggressive at all because he used to always treat me like a princess until that incident.
Speaker 2:Well, have you ever heard of the fight or flight?
Speaker 2:yeah so, even though we don't, us people, men and women don't show certain, certain um characteristics, right, but and this is with men when you break that ego, you are putting that person in a fight or flight, and that's what I'm talking about. I'm not a gambling guy, I'm not rolling dice on that, you know. So I just you know, I know, like I said, I know what you, what you meant. You meant well to do that he was trying to clean this, to clean everything up. Be honest with him, come forth full, let him know this is not me, but not mean, but what? How?
Speaker 3:did you think he was going?
Speaker 2:to take that. You know, like he.
Speaker 2:I mean I'm assuming you broke him- and you didn't mean to but that's what happened, because that's what that was his reaction, you know. So I just you know. As you know, when I was listening to the podcast as you was telling the story, there was just a lot of things that you meant well, but they were pretty bad decisions. You know, and I have to acknowledge this.
Speaker 2:You know, have you learned anything from some of your bad decisions? Like, if you could go back in time, would you have told that guy that that you was being in a forced relation with your baby father? Would you, going back in time, would you have just toughed it out, with the kids being with you and not let the kids go to the father's house and live with them? Um, would you have not gotten pregnant at 15 years old? You know what I'm saying. Maybe just wait a little longer. Or maybe had the baby she's here, beautiful and got rid of him sooner and not have the second. I mean, there's so many decisions. If you could turn back time when you have changed some of these decisions yeah, you would have right.
Speaker 2:So you know, and and that's what I want to get to, because you know you're you have almost an adult right there. You know she looks like your twin. You know, do you want her to go through the same path you went through Like no right, nobody wants that and I know she doesn't want to. But she could fall in that trap even though she's been through it, because of the simple fact this the statistics show that people who've gone through traumatic incidents continue to follow those paths because of the Trump. She might find a, a guy later in life that's just like your baby father, and go through the same hell maybe less, maybe more, I don't know.
Speaker 4:So it's important for you to understand your decisions yeah, I, um, I wouldn't say that I regret my kids. No, I'm not saying that. You know again, you know I didn't have guidance. I didn't have somebody to. You know, even the birth control, I didn't have the sex talk, you know, like it was guidance.
Speaker 4:And if I can be here for my daughter and tell her, hey, mama, you know, this is life. You know I'm not going to sugarcoat it, this is life. You know, take me as an example. I want you to be better than me, you know, encourage her to do and explore and expand her horizons way further than what I was able to. And if I'm going to be here, you know, holding her hand, I want her to know that I do care. And you know, no matter what happens in life, I'm always going to be here. And if we're going to be scared, if we're going to be scared, we're going to be scared together, you know. But this time we're going to be scared. We're going to be scared together, you know. But this time we're going to conquer the world and I know that she's going to be able to do more than what I was able to accomplish. But it's never too late, you know, it's never too late.
Speaker 2:So if you could turn back time right, do one one thing different or anything different. What would you have done different?
Speaker 4:I would have, uh, stood in school. Okay, I would have focused more on school than you know, hangando with the, with the friends and sneaking out and you know just doing things that I wasn't supposed to even be doing at my age. You know, I would have just focused on my school and, you know, probably finished college Then I feel like that would have occupied me more than being in Trulia with a boy.
Speaker 4:You wouldn't have got him arrested um, yeah, for sure, for sure, yeah, I mean, I just the simple fact that I look at the good in people, the simple fact that I look at the good in people, I really do, and that's sometimes, it's most of the time is a downfall, you know. But all the signs were there and I was just so well I thought I was in love. You know, that's Stockholm Syndrome. It's a thing you know. You're in love with your abuser and you don't know how to not feel in love until you're isolated by yourself and you're trying to figure out what the I. I dealt with all of that for nothing, you know. Like, had I loved me more, I wouldn't have put myself through that, you know. So it's yeah, he, the beginning of it would have been, he would have been locked up for sure so let's get, let's go to that bathroom, talk that infamous bathroom talk.
Speaker 2:Alright, j-lonnie, you found the bravery to that bathroom. Talk that infamous bathroom talk. Alright, j-lani, you found the bravery to say something because you felt safe with your moms at the time, right, and you let her know, hey, let's go to the bathroom. She already understands what that cue is. And you're like, let's go to the bathroom and you decide to talk to her and I'm guessing this bathroom thing is is a is a personal thing between you and moms, right, how did you feel? Because I kind of looked at it negatively but I understood what your mom was trying to do, but again, it was kind of like she meant well, but it was just a poor decision. But that decision will only matter on how you take it. How did you feel when she wanted to bring in other people to that private one-on-one conversation in the bathroom with you and her to discuss, or for you to tell this extremely embarrassing and hurtful information about your father? Did that kind of hurt your feelings that she added two more people instead of just you and her?
Speaker 3:Not really, but at first I was scared to see how they would react to the information. See how they would react to the information. But at the same time I've known them for like so long, since I was little, so I felt comfortable telling them okay and this is why I had to question this decision, because it had to matter on how he was taking it.
Speaker 2:Because, because I mean there could have been another child who just didn't feel comfortable, just didn't like the idea. Like this is between you and me, I don't want to tell anybody Then her bringing those two people is a bad decision. But because you feel comfortable and you knew them and you was okay telling them, it's not a bad decision, so I will take that back. And you knew them and you was okay telling them it's not a bad decision, so I will take that back. I was just a little bit, you know. I know she means well, but I don't think this is right right now as I'm listening to the podcast, you know. So, and I wanted to, I really wanted to know how you felt on that Like, did you feel like she was violating this personal space between you two?
Speaker 4:um, I felt like when I did that was more of the. I already know how he works, I already know that it's my word against his and you know, and you know I knew he was going to make it seem like it's just a claim or that I coerced her to say that. You know he's. That's what a narcissist does. You know they try to flip it on somebody else when the spotlight's on them. So I already knew that it was going to be where there's possibility of you know him threatening her. You know there's different possibilities.
Speaker 4:I felt like if he was going to threaten her after she came forward, then she would have backed out. Yo, I look like the loca in front of everybody because her words might change. Or you know, like I for them to say oh, she's the one that made her do it, she's forcing her to say it. No, I have more witnesses that are willing to testify. You know, to um, basically tell her story. And you know it, my sister, me and her are really, really close and you know she's for her to hear that she, it was like a whole level of betrayal and I get it.
Speaker 2:I understand the reason behind why you did it. I'm just questioning it. I was questioning it because you know, for example, like when you did decide going to the police and you know they bring the child, the child, uh, interviewers for the kids, right. The reason why they do that is because they don't want to feel make the kid feel violated, because once you do that they don't trust you. So you know, I just wanted to make sure that she didn't feel that when you was doing that with uh, with your, with your boyfriend at the time and your sister.
Speaker 2:You know, because I mean she pulled you to the bathroom, not them, but she was okay with it. So it worked. But in other cases sometimes it doesn't work. That's why I was bringing that up, you know her relationship with my sister is very strong.
Speaker 4:It's like me and my sister are the same person. It's like um me and my sister are the same person. So when you know, like Jelani know that my sister was there.
Speaker 2:It made her feel comfortable to speak up Cool Good. So, jelani, how do you feel listening to your mom answer some of these questions?
Speaker 3:I know they were kind of tough right.
Speaker 2:Um, a little bit, but I mostly know her story, so like I know like stuff she might answer to.
Speaker 3:And it doesn't.
Speaker 2:You're not, you don't feel uncomfortable hearing some of the stuff that she got.
Speaker 4:She has to say right, um, after everything happened, um, I was very transparent to her and, um, I just remind her, you know that it's not her fault and know you can't trust everyone as much as you would like to trust them. You know there's always people that pretend to be somebody that they're not. So she always has to keep her, you know, her guard up, not saying it in a negative way, but to just know that it could be the closest one to you. So you know she has to. Um, you know not commit the same mistakes that I did, you know gotcha.
Speaker 2:So, um, I'm trying to uh, I'm trying to figure out how to question this. In the podcast he was talking about when you first got pregnant and your mother was telling you about the abortion or arresting him, whatever, and he was like, no, you fought back and you're like this is my doing, I'm going to pay the consequences, this and that blah. Remember, right. So? So, with that being said, right, those consequences that you were gonna face, they did past you and trickle down to your daughter and your son. How, how do you make this up to them? Like, what is your process now to let them know that? You know, whatever I did, I know it did fall on you guys and I'm not going to let that happen again.
Speaker 4:I would say being more involved. I went from not seeing them or seeing them every so often to. You know I do everything with them. I'm always with them, every day, all day. You know like I, whatever my daughter comes and hangs out in the room with me, you know my sons, we all hang out together watch movies, where you know I take, walk my son to school. Um, you know we're always doing things together. You know she likes TikTok, so you know she's. We're always together doing funny, silly stuff. It's just making up that time, you know, and having them gain my trust, because some day, you know, they had them believing that, believing that you know I didn't love them and that I left them and it's. It's taken a long time for me to, you know, regain their trust and for them to know that they're safe. You know, just re relearning everything together at you know, at a step, at a time, but most importantly, just being there and knowing and showing them that I love them and they're not just words, it's actions behind it too.
Speaker 2:So, Janani, this is a very important question for you. Okay, I hope you're ready. How?
Speaker 3:did you feel when TikTok went down? Oh, I started crying to my mom and then I kept pressing on TikTok to see if it would work. And then I went to my mom and I told her like what am I going to do now?
Speaker 4:She's like yes, you're going to Say I'm going in yeah, and then she comes yesterday in the room. She's like mom, they brought TikTok back, super happy.
Speaker 2:How did you feel when TikTok came back?
Speaker 3:Oh, I was really happy. How did you feel when TikTok came back? Oh, I was really happy. Yeah, I was like happy because I had all my videos back up.
Speaker 2:I've never used the thing, so I don't even know how it works.
Speaker 4:He ended up looking at lip-syncing and stuff. Alright, cool.
Speaker 2:This is my last question, right? Both of you can answer if you want. How has social media responded to you towards this? I know you've got some positive feedback because obviously from the picture of him you've gotten information, but what are some of the negative feedbacks you get?
Speaker 4:um, well then, I didn't relay this to her, but you know like most of them were saying that I failed her um failed my children. Some people said that I knew him from the beginning. Some people were saying that you know, they didn't understand about domestic violence, like some of them probably didn't experience it or may never experience it, who knows. They just weren't very empathetic, and a lot of people you can tell that they brush it under the rug. A lot of people they blame the mother. Yes, they blame the mother. Yes, um, but you know like, nonetheless, you know, um, even though I seen the negative, I'm like shit.
Speaker 4:I went through way worse than saying these comments, like I done felt pain and you know, seeing the light across the tunnel and actually getting to experience my light, I wouldn't, it doesn't bother me anymore. You know, I could be the biggest puta, I could be the worst mom in the world. I mean, until you put yourself in my shoes and deal with what I had to deal with, that doesn't matter to me, they're just words. Did I feel kind of hurt? At the beginning? I was like, yeah, but I knew that that was going to be a possibility once I said my story out Because you always get good and you always get bad, especially on social media. But the love that I felt, you know, for even my daughter and my son, that outweighed all the negativity. You know it took somebody two seconds to share my daughter's story and I wouldn't give that up for anything. At least somebody gets to hear the story. At least somebody gets to hear the story.
Speaker 4:And even if somebody were to run across him, it would tell them to stay away, but it didn't bother me.
Speaker 2:The bad comments it didn't bother me because I've been told worse. So would you like to say something for everybody?
Speaker 3:Jaylani, way before she posted my story on social media. I tried to share my story, but I never gotten any hate about it.
Speaker 2:I've actually had people come to me and say like they've gone through the same thing and like there's a lot of people supporting me, but yeah, so what would you want to tell those people who are going through something similar, similar to what you want, to what you want to tell them to fight, to fight through that?
Speaker 3:I Would you say like to be like not to be scared, to like share their story and to speak up, because If they don't, it might go worse and like yeah, just like to not be scared and like to speak and doris any final thoughts.
Speaker 4:I just want you know the story to be a story where you know other kids can hear it and you know, not be afraid. You know that's the problem with this story, it's being afraid. And then, when you're not afraid and you're ready to like, take the bull by its horns, you don't see that it wasn't as scary as it was. You know you thought it was. I'm happy that she spoke out. I'm happy that it didn't further things with my son. It didn't further things with my son, with her as well. You know, and we're just on the journey of healing and you know self-love and you know positivity, because it can get dark sometimes, but we're working through that.
Speaker 2:Well, I want to thank you, jelani, for being brave and sharing your story. I know it's quite difficult to talk about it and to relive it and I apologize, but people need to hear it because this can happen to almost anyone. You know, a lot of people think that it can't happen to them Until they're in this situation.
Speaker 2:You know, so I'm happy that you was able to come to the podcast and tell your story. I thank you two ladies Very much. Anyone else who is going through this, please don't let the fear drive you. Please speak up, say something, tell someone, find someone At least one person. Yeah, at least one person. Thank you very much for listening to us. Follow me on Spotify, iheartradio, amazon Music, apple Podcasts and I will see you. Thank you, ladies.
Speaker 4:Have a good one, you as well, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to our show. This concludes our episode and listen up to the next episode to follow up on what continuing topics. Thank you, and maybe you can add on to it if you want, but we'll catch you on the next one. Alright, have a good one. Peace out, fellas.
