The Goldman State
Ed Goldman is a longtime newspaper and magazine columnist, the author of five books and creator of The Goldman State, a three-times-a-week online column with subscribers in 40 states, Canada and Europe. A professional playwright, composer and painter, Ed has also taught journalism at five California Universities and community colleges. His bucket list includes becoming the victim of a corporate takeover. This podcast is an extension of his unique take on the world around us and his interpretation, with all the creativity imaginable, of what that would literally sound like if he were to speak it.
The Goldman State
Episode 70: An Encore Episode. Sending for Backup
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Let's take a delightful romp through history's alternate realities, shall we? As a struggler for backup plans, I'll explore some of the "terrible backup plans" of iconic figures. As they ponder what might have been, we'll learn of the unpredictable twists and turns of history's great minds.
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[00:00:00] Hi, this is Ed Goldman with the Goldman State Podcast. My friend Julie Hirota, who's Executive Director of the Sacramento Region's Make A Wish chapter, says in her personal life she's known for making, quote, terrible backup plans, unquote. Now, I thought that was my specialty. Apparently, we both have ancestors like the following.
General George Custer, in 1876. I think if we get through this little skirmish with the Indians, I'm getting a haircut. This long blonde hair thing is just so 1875. Marco Polo. Eh, if adopting these Chinese noodles into spaghetti doesn't catch on, being here in the mysterious East has given me an idea for a swimming pool game.
Just need a title, like, maybe like, [00:01:00] like a guy's name. Mark, I don't know, something like that. J. Robert Oppenheimer. So if the physics gig lays an egg, I might join network television and produce some bombs for them. Walt Disney. I'm thinking Mickey ought to have a best friend, maybe an irritable foul named David Drake, Steve Jobs.
So if nobody gets into the personal computer thing, what about a, a wind powered pencil sharpener? Hello? Can you hear me? Is this thing on? Albert Einstein. No, wait, I meant E equals MC cubed, not squared. Well, I'll just call the squared thing my special theory. That'll get some laughs. Elon Musk. So if we can't get the Tesla naming rights, let's go with the Edison.
Or maybe shorten it to the Edsel. Yeah, that's it. God, I really am a genius. General Dwight D. Eisenhower. If D Day is successful, maybe I'll [00:02:00] write it into a political run for, I don't know, the school board? General Douglas MacArthur. Maybe I'll return and maybe I won't. It's not like anyone's going to remember my saying it.
General Douglas MacArthur, Part 2. I'm gonna say whatever the hell I want whenever I want. I mean, what's Truman gonna do? Fire me? IBM Selectric Designer, Elliot Noyes. Since we've created this electric tube with the erasing ribbon, I think we've reached the pinnacle in the typewriter world, gang. What other improvements could possibly be made?
Seth Thomas, American Clockmaker Oh, don't worry about anyone grabbing our market share. What are people going to do? Start wearing grandfather clocks on their wrists? Walt Disney Part 2 So, maybe in addition to David Drake, Mickey could have a pet dog named, uh, Plato, and a fully clothed dog friend named, named Stupid.
Be honest, am I sounding goofy? Stan Lee. [00:03:00] All right, I'm telling you, I'm taking a chance on making a TV show about Spider Man. I mean, this is 1977, but a movie? Who's going to shell out two bucks to go to a film when they can buy a Spider Man comic book for 35 cents? Use your head, guys. I'm the one with the oxygen starving toupee.
Seth Thomas, American Clockmaker, Part 2 So what if we were to copyright the sound our clocks make? I mean, I don't know why anyone would want to steal TikTok for anything, but you can't be too careful. Walt Disney, Part 3 Okay, okay, we'll move ahead on the amusement park idea. I just can't figure out who on earth is going to come to a town called Anaheim.
I'm at Goldman. My column, the Goldman state comes out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. You can subscribe for free at Goldmanstate. com. Thanks for [00:04:00] listening.