The Goldman State
Ed Goldman is a longtime newspaper and magazine columnist, the author of five books and creator of The Goldman State, a three-times-a-week online column with subscribers in 40 states, Canada and Europe. A professional playwright, composer and painter, Ed has also taught journalism at five California Universities and community colleges. His bucket list includes becoming the victim of a corporate takeover. This podcast is an extension of his unique take on the world around us and his interpretation, with all the creativity imaginable, of what that would literally sound like if he were to speak it.
The Goldman State
Episode 71: King Kong Tells All. An Exclusive Interview.
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Picture this: a leisurely chat with the one and only King Kong, sipping banana daiquiris and swapping stories about his glory days and retirement antics. King Kong opens up about his life at the assisted swinging facility, where he navigates the challenges of aging and retirement.
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00:12 - Ed Goldman (Host)
Hi, this is Ed Goldman with the Goldman State Podcast. Chimps who used to act in movies and TV shows are being granted a new post-industry life at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo, where the keepers are re-socializing them so they can get along with their non-glam cage mates. Now, after reading about this, I thought it might be high time to set up the interview with King Kong. I always promised myself I'd get to, but something kept coming up, like matching up my socks and getting estimates from Bitcoin vendors. So I texted his agent, sid Downer-Ready, who arranged for me to chat with Mr Kong at an assisted swinging facility for retired simians. My report follows.
00:56
The first thing that strikes you about King Kong is the sheer size of the guy. Those also are the second and third things that strike you. At around 28 feet tall and 2,850 pounds down from 3,032, thanks to a strict diet of sugar-free bananas and a daily barrel of Ozempic, you find yourself remarking, though not aloud. God almighty, this is one damn gigantic ape. Yeah, I'd say that's a fair assessment. Oh geez, I didn't. I did say it loud, my bad, everyone does. How can you ignore it? I'd be the proverbial elephant in the room if elephants weren't half my size and I didn't hate the adjective proverbial, I prefer using fabled or hoary or after a few dozen martinis. Trite but true, you're most kind. So what's retirement? Like Mr K, how do you fill your days and nights? Well, for the first few months I played a lot of golf, but a titanium putter they made for me fell on a groundskeeper and killed him. Not surprising, it was 12 feet long and weighed a few hundred pounds. The guy's last word was Mulligan, which kind of choked me up. You have to admire sportsmanship, especially when it comes from a guy you just croaked.
02:07
Do you date? Well, this is awkward. I've made no secret of my crushing on Fay Wray, jessica Lange and Naomi Watts, but we all fall in love with our co-stars. You know it's this business. But there were also major hurdles to overcome with these lovely ladies, as I'm sure you can imagine. Size, nah, religious differences Well, that never even occurred to me. And let's face it, age my first picture was released in 1933, and I was already in my early teens. So what are you now like? 103 or something? Yeah, the comb-over gave me away, didn't it? Well, yeah, 103, 107, and a general ballpark. All I know is that State Farm canceled my disability policy in 1998 or so, but you were still working all those remakes and sequels.
02:55
I'll let you in on a little industry secret. All the recent Kongs were computed generated imagery, except for one we made in Japan in which I destroyed Tokyo, again mainly for nostalgia's sake. I suggested we call it Kong Crushes on Japan, but was overruled by the marketing department. Anyway, I just kind of walked through that one. They hired a photo double for me about your height, but when they stuck him in a gorilla suit and built a tiny replica of the city for him to rampage in, it matched the footage they shot of me leveling an actual town. Oh, my God, not the real Tokyo. Now don't make me eat you Like I did with a couple of guys in my 1933 debut.
03:33
But they cut it before the film was released. Yeah, I've seen it since on Turner Classic Movies and the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, artistic license, I guess. Did you see Faye's nude moments? Yeah, also on TCM and a few dreams I'm not at liberty to discuss, also cut before the release. Now, that's a crime against humanity. Amen, little brothers, stay for lunch. Biggest banana daiquiris in town. Well, let me just cancel the rest of my week. I'm Ed Goldman. My column, the Goldman State, comes out every Monday, wednesday and Friday. You can subscribe for free at GoldmanStatecom. Thanks for listening.